Lines Matching +full:readme +full:. +full:installer

9 	Directed by Steven Spielberg.
12 		  and Bob Hope as "The Waiter".
13 	Costumes Designed by Pierre Cardin.
14 	Special Effects by Timothy Leary.
17 	Soundtrack on XTC Records.
19 		centers.
21 						PLAYGIRL, Inc.
22 						Philadelphia, Pa.  19369
24 	Your name has been submitted to us with your photo.  I regret to
25 inform you that we will be unable to use your body in our centerfold.  On
27 ranging in age from 60 to 75 years.  We tried to assemble a panel in the
29 long enough to reach a decision.  Should the taste of the American woman
31 in our magazine, you will be notified by this office.  Please, don't call
32 us.
34 	Amanda L. Smith
36 p.s.	We also want to commend you for your unusual pose.  Were you
40 		   _.-^^          -~_
44 		\._                   _./
45 		   ```--. . , ; .--'''
47 		      .-=||  | |=-.
50 		_____.,-#%&$@%#&#~,._____
56 		Hate you.
57 		Hate Kansas.
58 		Taking the dog.
67 	you're splitting my ends.
76 the computing power of various amphibians, frogs in particular.  The problem
78 of computer science.  It has been shown that anything computable by an amphi-
80 pond -- that is to say, frogs are Pond-space complete.  We will show that
82 to a frog.  We will suggest these represent a proper subset of frog-computable
83 functions.
84 	This is not just a let's-see-how-far-those-frogs-can-jump seminar.
85 This is only for hardcore amphibian-computation people and their colleagues.
86 	Refreshments will be served.  Music will be played.
91 save your support staff a few hours of precious time.  Before you send your
93 to 666 and make sure there is a copy somewhere on the disk.  Now when they
95 the damage.  Having a bootable tape (for larger machines) is not a bad idea
96 either.  If you need some help, give us a call.
121 and we'll make sure it gets expunged.
123 			It's grad exam time...
126 system in IBM 1710 machine code. Show what changes are necessary to convert
127 this code into a UNIX Berkeley 7 operating system.  Prove that these fixes are
128 bug free and run correctly. You should gain at least 150% efficiency in the
129 new system.  (You should take no more than 10 minutes on this question.)
134 length-girth ratio of the ant to the pickle were 98.17:1.
137 Describe the Universe.  Give three examples.
139 			It's grad exam time...
142 bottle of Scotch.  Remove your appendix.  Do not suture until your work has
143 been inspected.  (You have 15 minutes.)
149 Africa.  Be brief, concise, and specific.
152 	Create life.  Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
154 special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.
158 	a) extremely dangerous.
159 	b) patriotic.
160 	c) the fault of the previous administration.
161 	d) all going to be fixed next summer.
162 The correct answer is b.
164 are larger than the cars.  If you drive a big, patriotic, American car
165 you have nothing to worry about.
169 	a) stop immediately.
170 	b) proceed slowly through the intersection.
171 	c) blow the horn.
172 	d) floor it.
173 The correct answer is d.
174 If you said c, you were almost right, so give yourself a half point.
178 	a) watch the traffic light for your lane.
179 	b) watch for pedestrians crossing the street.
180 	c) blow the horn.
181 	d) watch the traffic light for the intersecting street.
182 The correct answer is d.
184 street turns yellow.
185 Answer c is worth a half point.
189 	a) beneficial.
190 	b) not harmful.
191 	c) toxic.
192 	d) a punk band.
193 The correct answer is b.
195 are liars.  (Message to those who answered d.  Go back to California where
196 you came from.  Your kind are not welcome here.)
199 5: Your car's horn is a vital piece of safety equipment.
201 	a) once a year.
202 	b) once a month.
203 	c) once a day.
204 	d) once an hour.
205 The correct answer is d.
207 and more often at night or in residential neighborhoods.
211    but a steady left tail light.
212 	a) One of the tail lights is broken.  You should blow your
213 	   horn to call the problem to the driver's attention.
214 	b) The driver is signaling a right turn.
215 	c) The driver is signaling a left turn.
216 	d) The driver is from out of town.
217 The correct answer is d.
218 Tail lights are used in some foreign countries to signal turns.
222 	a) irrelevant.
223 	b) communists.
224 	c) a nuisance.
225 	d) difficult to clean off the front grille.
226 The correct answer is a.  Pedestrians are not in cars, so they
228 completely.
232 	a) kill grass.
233 	b) melt snow.
234 	c) help the economy.
235 	d) prevent potholes.
236 The correct answer is c.
238 indirectly, for example, salt miners and rustproofers.  Most important,
240 steel industries.
244 		  \(^ @___..___@ ^)/
275 	   the strength to get up and do what needs to be done.
281 		     stains that indicate freshness.
284 1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
285 2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
286 3) You don't know.  Neither does your boss.
288 5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk, Montana,
289    submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.  Unfortunately, I lost it.
293    supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of Papyrus Books).
315 		-- terri@csd4.milw.wisc.edu
318 Timewarp allowed: 3 hours.  Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the
319 margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells.  Orange may be worn.  Credit
320 will be given to candidates who self-actualise.
323 neither has street credibility.
325 on a juggernaut route."  Consider the dialectic of inner truth and inner
326 city.
328 into a black hole.
330 ripoff merchants."  Comment on this insult.
331 	5: Account for the lack of references to brown rice in Dylan's lyrics.
332 	6: "Castenada was a bit of a bozo."  How far is this a fair summing
334 	7: Hermann Hesse was a Pisces.  Discuss.
340 	And subroutines adhoc.
345 	And shun the inprectoo.
348 1.	Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a
349 		nuclear bomb; use the stairs.
350 2.	When you're flying through the air, remember to roll
351 		when you hit the ground.
352 3.	If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
353 4.	Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
354 		to psychological problems.
355 5.	Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.  Learn to recognize
357 		shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
358 6.	Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze:  internal organs
359 		will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
360 7.	Try to be neat.  Fall only in designated piles.
361 8.	Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas -- people could be
362 		staggering illegally.
363 9.	Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but are
364 		more sanitary due to limited circulation.
365 10.	Accumulate mannequins now.  Spare parts will be in short
366 		supply on D-Day.
370 in a portable package the size of a briefcase.  The guy on the left has an
371 Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case.  Also in the case are four
372 fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition.  The owner of the
374 target -- in less time, and with less effort.  All for $795. It's inevitable.
376 computer -- he's the one who's in trouble.  One round from an Uzi can zip
378 to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum.  In fact, detachable magazines
381 into Ethernet or other local-area networks.  What about the new 16-bit
383 they're no match for the Uzi.  One quick burst and they'll find out what
384 Unix means.  Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come home
385 a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
390 	Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline...
394 	Gimme arsenic in my jelly roll...
402 of a pithy fortune, clean or obscene?  We cannot continue without your support.
403 Less than 14% of all fortune users are contributors.  That means that 86% of
404 you are getting a free ride.  We can't go on like this much longer.  Federal
407 midnight and 8 a.m.  Don't let this happen.  Mail your fortunes right now to
408 `fortune'.  Just type in your favorite pithy fortune.  Do it now before you
409 forget.  Our target is 300 new fortunes by the end of the week.  Don't miss
410 out.  All fortunes will be acknowledged.  If you contribute 30 fortunes or
412 program guide.  If you contribute 50 or more, you will receive a free "Fortune
416 On the first day of my fall semester, I got up.
417 Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
418 Then I hung out in front of the Dover.
420 On the second day of my fall semester, I got up.
421 Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
422 Then I hung out in front of the Dover.
424 On the third day of my fall semester, I got up.
425 Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
427 	How to keep people from hanging out in front of the Dover.
454 School lead you on... into the world of professional computer programming.
455 They say a good programmer can write 20 lines of effective program per day.
457 and lots more besides.  Our training course covers every programming language
458 in existence, and some that aren't.  You'll learn why the on/off switch for a
460 you should blame when you make a mistake.
462 	Yes, I want the brochure describing this incredible offer.
464 	postage and handling. (No live poultry, please.)
466 *** Our Slogan:  Top down programming for the masses. ***
472 School lead you on... into the world of professional computer programming.
475 Programming is not for everyone.  But, if you have the desire to learn, we can
476 help you get started.  All you need is the Famous Programmers' Course and
477 enough money to keep those lessons coming month after month.
483 		of the alphabet (Hint: 0123456789ABCDEF).
487 them, you may have a future as a computer programmer.
492 programming.  One former student developed the concept of the personalized
493 form letter.  Does the phrase, "Dear Mr.(insert name), You may already be a
495 sold a "My Most Unforgettable Program" article to Corrosive Computing magazine.
497 program for my department manager.  My program touched him so deeply that he
498 was speechless.  He told me later that he had never seen such a program in
499 his entire career.  Thank you, Famous Programmers' school; only you could
500 have made this possible."  Send for our introductory brochure which explains
503 can vie for a set of free steak knives.  If you don't do it now, you'll hate
504 yourself in the morning.
506 	... This striving for excellence extends into people's
507 personal lives as well.  When '80s people buy something, they buy the
508 best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability.
509 Eighties people buy imported dental floss.  They buy gourmet baking
510 soda.  If an '80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a
513 not an excellent restaurant.  If it were, it would have an enormous
515 beepers going off like crickets in the night.  An excellent restaurant
517 Liza Minnelli.
520 	... with liberty and justice for all who can afford it.
544 		   in the solar system.
546 	A boy scout troop went on a hike.  Crossing over a stream, one of
547 the boys dropped his wallet into the water.  Suddenly a carp jumped, grabbed
548 the wallet and tossed it to another carp.  Then that carp passed it to
550 and forth.
552 of carp-to-carp walleting."
554 	A carpet installer decides to take a cigarette break after completing
555 the installation in the first of several rooms he has to do.  Finding them
557 his recently completed carpet-installation.  Not wanting to pull up all that
559 flat.  Foregoing the break, he continues on to the other rooms to be carpeted.
566 a scrawny little man entered the tent and walked up to him.  "Are you the
567 foreman around here?" he asked timidly.  "I'd like to join your circus; I
568 have what I think is a pretty good act."
570 the main pole and rapidly climbed up to the very tip-top of the big top.
572 his arms furiously.  Amazingly, rather than plummeting to his death the little
576 the foreman, who had been nonchalantly watching the whole time.
577 	"Well," puffed the little man.  "What do you think?"
578 	"That's all you do?" answered the foreman scornfully.  "Bird
582 his morning meal.  "I would like to give you this personality test", said
583 the outsider, "because I want you to be happy."
585 toaster -- "I wish the toaster to be happy too".
588 whose profession was the oldest.  In the course of their arguments, they
591 rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply incredible surgical feat."
592 	The architect did not agree.  He said, "But if you look at the Garden
594 and the world were created.  So God must have been an architect."
599 buddy down the road, who owns several boars.  They agree on a stud fee, and
601 boars.  He leaves them all day, and when he picks them up that night, asks
602 the man how he can tell if it "took" or not.  The breeder replies that if,
604 they were rolling in the mud as usual, they probably weren't.
607 frolic.  This continues for a week, since each morning the sows are rolling
608 in the mud.
610 don't have the heart to look again.  This is getting ridiculous.  You check
611 today."  With that, the wife peeks out the bedroom window and starts to laugh.
612 	"What is it?" asks the farmer excitedly.  "Are they grazing at last?"
613 	"Nope." replies his wife.  "Two of them are jumping up and down in
617 her birthday.  An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her
618 looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen.  "My pup," she murmured
619 sadly, "runneth over."
621 the father spanked them.  His wife asked, "Don't you love your children?"
622 "In the abstract, yes, but not in the concrete."
624 	A German, a Pole and a Czech left camp for a hike through the woods.
626 one a male, one a female, looking suspiciously overstuffed.  They killed
627 the female, autopsied her, and sure enough, found the German and the Pole.
628 	"What do you think?" said the first ranger.
629 	"The Czech is in the male," replied the second.
633 could be readily identified by its alternating orange and black bands.  They
636 the snake's head.  Then, forcefully, bend the thumb above the snake's head
637 downward to break the snake's spine.  All went well for the landing, the
638 charge up the beach, and the move into the jungle.  At one foxhole site, two
639 men were starting to dig and wondering what had happened to their partner.
641 blood.  He collapsed to the ground.  His buddies were so shocked they could
644 ground, I saw an orange and black striped snake right in front of me.  I
645 grabbed its tail end with my left hand.  I placed my right hand above my left
646 hand.  I held firmly with my left hand and slid my right hand up the body of
647 the snake.  When I reached the head of the snake I flicked my right thumb down
648 to break the snake's spine... did you ever goose a tiger?"
651 dog in his brother's care.  The minute he's cleared customs, he calls up his
652 brother and inquires after his pet.
653 	"Your dog's dead," replies his brother bluntly.
654 	The guy is devastated.  "You know how much that dog meant to me,"
655 he moaned into the phone.  "Couldn't you at least have thought of a nicer way
658 corner...' or something...?  Why are you always so thoughtless?"
659 	"Look, I'm sorry," said his brother, "I guess I just didn't think."
660 	"Okay, okay, let's just put it behind us.  How are you anyway?
662 	His brother is silent a moment.  "Uh," he stammers, "uh... Mom got
663 outside one day..."
666 I feel really bad about this, but my Chihuahua just killed it."
668 be?  I raised that dog from a pup to be a vicious killer."
670 dog's stuck in its throat."
673 days old.  He heard that a foal and his mummy are soon parted.
674 	A crow perched himself on a telephone wire.  He was going to make a
675 long-distance caw.
677 new theatrical season.  "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
679 finally got a break, a broken leg to be exact.  Someone pointed out that it's
680 the first time the poor fellow's been in the same cast for more than a week.
682 	A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked to add 2 and 2.
683 	The housewife replied, "Four!".
684 	The accountant said, "It's either 3 or 4.  Let me run those figures
685 through my spread sheet one more time."
689 	A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone.  After he had
691 would like on it.  "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the
692 lawyer.
693 	"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter.  "In this
694 state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave.  However,
695 I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer'', if that would be okay."
696 	"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
697 	"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter.  "people will read it
701 the bartender.  "Hey, bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
702 	The bartender ignores him.
703 	"Hey bartender, gimmie a whiskey."
704 	Still ignored.
707 leg, and the dog runs out the saloon, howling in pain.
709 jeans, chaps, a Stetson, gun belt, and guns.  He ambles slowly into the
711 "I'm here t'git the man that shot muh paw."
713 	A man enters a pet shop, seeking to purchase a parrot.  He points
714 to a fine colorful bird and asks how much it costs.
716 and asks why it is so much.  "Well, the bird is fluent in Italian and
717 French and can recite the periodic table."  He points to another bird
719 German, can knit and can curse in Latin.
720 	Finally the customer asks about a drab gray bird.  "Ah," he is
721 told, "that one is 150,000."
722 	"Why, what can it do?" he asks.
724 do anything, but the other birds call him Mr. Secretary."
728 Knuth.  When he arrived, the Master was nowhere to be found.  "Where is the
729 wise one named Knuth?" he asked a passing student.
730 	"Ah," said the student, "you have not heard. He has gone on a
732 disciples."
733 	Hearing this, the man was Enlightened.
735 	A man met a beautiful young woman in a bar.  They got along well,
736 shared dinner, and had a marvelous evening.  When he left her, he told her
738 soon.  Smiling yes, she gave him her phone number.
739 	The next day, he called her up and asked her to go dancing.  She
740 agreed.  As they talked, he jokingly asked her what her favorite flower was.
745 afternoon finding a particularly unusual one.  Arriving at her apartment
746 he immediately presented her with the knife.  She ooohed and ahhhed over it
748 help but see was full of Swiss Army knives.
749 	Surprised, he asked her why she had collected so many.
751 won't always be true.  And boy scouts will do anything for a Swiss Army knife!"
754 terrible problem, Doctor.  I have a son at Harvard and another son at
757 got a thriving ranch in Venezuela.  My wife is a gorgeous young actress
758 who considers my two mistresses to be her best friends."
759 	The psychiatrist looked at the patient, confused.  "Did I miss
760 something?  It sounds to me like you have no problems at all."
761 	"But, Doctor, I only make $175 a week."
764 "Do you serve lawyers here?".
765 	"Sure do," replied the bartender.
766 	"Good," said the man.  "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for
767 my 'gator."
769 	A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
772 was making a bolt for the door.
774 house of seven gobbles.
776 wife asked "What have you got there?"  Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
777 	A women was in love with fourteen soldiers, it was clearly platoonic.
778 	Max told his friend that he'd just as soon not go hiking in the hills.
779 Said he, "I'm an anti-climb Max."
782 program on which he was working.  "I will be finished tomorrow," the programmer
783 promptly replied.
784 	"I think you are being unrealistic," said the manager. "Truthfully,
786 	The programmer thought for a moment.  "I have some features that I wish
787 to add.  This will take at least two weeks," he finally said.
789 satisfied if you simply tell me when the program is complete."
790 	The programmer agreed to this.
791 	Several years later, the manager retired.  On the way to his
792 retirement lunch, he discovered the programmer asleep at his terminal.
793 He had been programming all night.
797 invented a new program that became popular and sold well.  As a result, the
798 manager retained his job.
801 concept, and thus I expect no reward."
804 employee.  Lets promote him to the exalted position of management consultant!"
806 so that I can program.  If I were promoted, I would do nothing but waste
807 everyone's time.  Can I go now?  I have a program that I'm working on."
811 document for a new application.  The manager asked the master: "How long will
813 	"It will take one year," said the master promptly.
816 	The master programmer frowned.  "In that case, it will take two years."
818 	The master programmer shrugged.  "Then the design will never be
819 completed," he said.
824 at five in the afternoon."  At this, all of them became angry and several
825 resigned on the spot.
827 working hours, as long as you finish your projects on schedule."  The
829 hours of the morning.
832 	A master programmer passed a novice programmer one day.  The master
833 noted the novice's preoccupation with a hand-held computer game.  "Excuse me",
835 	The novice bolted to attention and handed the device to the master.
837 and Hard", said the master.  "Yet every such device has another level of play,
839 human."
842 	The master dropped the device to the ground and crushed it under foot.
843 And suddenly the novice was enlightened.
846 	A master was explaining the nature of Tao to one of his novices.
848 said the master.
849 	"Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" asked the novice.
850 	"It is," came the reply.
851 	"Is the Tao in a video game?" continued the novice.
852 	"It is even in a video game," said the master.
854 	The master coughed and shifted his position slightly.  "The lesson
855 is over for today," he said.
861 far too subtle for the youth of today.  Children need an updated message
863 today's minute attention span.
869 in his brand new 4x4.  He hated his manipulative boss, his conniving and
871 children.  One day, the aardvark reflected on the meaning of his life and
874 personal effort he could make to change the status quo.  Overcome by a
877 drove to the mall and bought imported consumer electronics goods.
879 MORAL OF THE STORY:  Invest in foreign consumer electronics manufacturers.
883 the death of composer Edward MacDowell.  She played the elegy for the
884 pianist Josef Hoffman, then asked his opinion.  "Well, it's quite
885 nice," he replied, but don't you think it would be better if..."
886 	"If what?" asked the composer.
887 	"If ... if you had died and MacDowell had written the elegy?"
891 doing nothing.  Benchmarks on this technique are promising; tremendous
892 amounts of nothing can be produced in this manner.  Certain hardware
895 power-down sequence.
899 cool.
902 documents, or tests his programs.  Yet all who know him consider him one of
903 the best programmers in the world.  Why is this?"
904 	The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao.  He has
906 crashes, but accepts the universe without concern.  He has gone beyond the
907 need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else sees his code.  He
909 themselves, serene and elegant, their purpose self-evident.  Truly, he has
910 entered the mystery of the Tao."
914 sometimes aborts.  I have followed the rules of programming, yet I am totally
915 baffled. What is the reason for this?"
917 the Tao.  Only a fool expects rational behavior from his fellow humans.  Why
919 simulate determinism; only the Tao is perfect.
920 	The rules of programming are transitory; only the Tao is eternal.
921 Therefore you must contemplate the Tao before you receive enlightenment."
923 novice.
924 	"Your program will then run correctly," replied the master.
928 much larger than all others.  It towers above its competition like a giant
929 among dwarfs.  Any one of its divisions could comprise an entire business.
932 company is large because it is so large.  If it only made hardware, nobody
933 would buy it.  If it only maintained systems, people would treat it like a
934 servant.  But because it combines all of these things, people think it one
935 of the gods!  By not seeking to strive, it conquers without effort."
939 that men call 'Corporate Headquarters'.  It is bloated out of shape with
940 vice-presidents and accountants.  It issues a multitude of memos, each saying
941 'Go, Hence!' or 'Go, Hither!' and nobody knows what is meant.  Every year new
942 names are put onto the branches, but all to no avail.  How can such an
945 disturbed that it has no rational purpose.  Can you not take amusement from
951 package.
955 but not the slightest mention of anything financial.
956 	When the master asked about this, the novice became indignant.
957 "Don't be so impatient," he said, "I'll put the financial stuff in eventually."
961 power off and on.  Knight, seeing what the student was doing spoke sternly,
963 of what is going wrong."  Knight turned the machine off and on.  The
964 machine worked.
967 in a forest in the dead of winter.  As they were sitting around a fire, they
968 noticed a pack of wolves eyeing them hungrily.
970 party.  He walked out into the night.
972 be the next victim.  The wolves eagerly accepted his offer, and devoured him,
973 too.
976 save a fellow socialist."  He leaves the shelter and goes out to be killed by
977 the wolf pack.
978 	At this point, the Pole opened his jacket and pulls out a machine gun.
980 has killed them all.
983 	The Pole pulls a bottle of vodka from the other side of his jacket.
984 He smiles and replies, "Five men on one bottle -- too many."
987 two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.  "That's what
988 I like to see", said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man".
990 he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
993 strings of pearls.  The spirit and intent of the program should be retained
994 throughout.  There should be neither too little nor too much, neither needless
996 rigidity.
997 	A program should follow the 'Law of Least Astonishment'.  What is this
999 way that astonishes him least.
1000 	A program, no matter how complex, should act as a single unit.  The
1002 appearances.
1004 disorder and confusion.  The only way to correct this is to rewrite the
1005 program.
1011 unconcerned with appearances. Their hair was long and unkempt and their
1012 clothes were wrinkled and old. They crashed our hospitality suites and they
1013 made rude noises during my presentation."
1014 	The manager said: "I should have never sent you to the conference.
1015 Those programmers live beyond the physical world.  They consider life absurd,
1016 an accidental coincidence.  They come and go without knowing limitations.
1017 Without a care, they live only for their programs.  Why should they bother
1019 	"They are alive within the Tao."
1023 carrying a shotgun and a dead loon.  "What in the world do you think you're
1026 which contained twelve more loons.
1027 	"Why would you shoot loons?", the ranger asked.
1028 	"Well, my family eats them and I sell the plumage."
1030 	"Oh, somewhere between an American Bald Eagle and a Trumpeter Swan."
1034 his wellness potential."
1037 of Family Practice* fleas were called "hematophagous arthropod vectors."
1040 personnel devices."  You probably call them bombs.
1043 mechanics were placed on "non-duty, non-pay status."  That is, they were fired.
1049 unusual laboratory experience."  The use of the passive is a particularly nice
1051 experience.  Of course our reader can always go back to Tibet and take his
1053 sent him.
1056 	A reverend wanted to telephone another reverend.  He told the operator,
1057 "This is a parson to parson call."
1058 	A farmer with extremely prolific hens posted the following sign.  "Free
1059 Chickens.  Our Coop Runneth Over."
1060 	Two brothers, Mort and Bill, like to sail.  While Bill has a great
1061 deal of experience, he certainly isn't the rigger Mort is.
1063 often doesn't have a legacy to stand on.
1065 caught again, he would be thrown in jail.  Fine today, cooler tomorrow.
1067 granite.
1069 	A Scotsman was strolling across High Street one day wearing his kilt.
1071 eyeing him and giggling.  One of them called out, "Hey, Scotty!  What's worn
1075 really want to know.
1080 realization of a basic truth came over me.  So simple!  So obvious we couldn't
1081 see it.  John Knivlen, Chairman of Polamar Repeater Club, an amateur radio
1082 group, had discovered how IC circuits work.  He says that smoke is the thing
1084 it stops working.  He claims to have verified this with thorough testing.
1086 work.  Remember the last time smoke escaped from your Lucas voltage regulator
1088 dawned.  It's the wiring harness that carries the smoke from one device to
1089 another in your Mini, MG or Jag.  And when the harness springs a leak, it lets
1090 the smoke out of everything at once, and then nothing works.  The starter motor
1092 going to it is so large.
1093 	Feeling very smug, I continued to expand my hypothesis.  Why are Lucas
1094 electronics more likely to leak than say Bosch?  Hmmm...  Aha!!!  Lucas is
1098 secrets... so naturally British electronics leak smoke.
1102 Madonna, a young puppy.  It hitched its waggin' to a star.
1104 friends, Maureen Jones, and Maureen Brown.  When asked by her father why she
1106 and I've been telling it to the Maureens."
1108 from Don Quixote for a local TV show.  "I'll play the title role," proposed
1109 Tom.  "Fred can portray Sancho Panza, and Cecil B. De Mille."
1111 	A woman was married to a golfer.  One day she asked, "If I were
1114 this marriage and I would want to be this happy again."
1116 	"Yes," he replied.  "That's a good car and it runs well."
1118 	"Yes, it is a lovely house and you have decorated it beautifully.
1119 I've always loved it here."
1121 	"No."
1123 	"She's left handed."
1126 to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road.  After seeing the
1127 sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes.
1128 "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride.  "You certainly have a dangerous job.
1130 	"Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler.
1135 suck the poison from the wound."
1136 	"What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally *sit* on
1137 a rattler?" persisted the woman.
1139 who my real friends are."
1141 	A young married couple had their first child.  Their original pride
1143 child had never uttered any form of speech.  They hired the best speech
1144 therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, all to no avail.  The child simply refused
1145 to speak.  One morning when the child was five, while the husband was reading
1147 his bowl and said, "My cereal's cold."
1148 	The couple is stunned.  The man, in tears, confronts his son.  "Son,
1149 after all these years, why have you waited so long to say something?".
1150 	Shrugs the kid, "Everything's been okay 'til now".
1153 Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.  Ist easy
1155 spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen.  Das
1156 rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und
1161 Winchester riding Luke's flying read/write head.  PDP-1 had Luke stop at the
1162 edge of the cylinder overlooking /usr/spool/uucp.
1163 	"Unix-to-Unix Copy Program;" said PDP-1.  "You will never find a more
1164 wretched hive of bugs and flamers.  We must be cautious."
1169 would finally find and enter the Promised Land.  With him, he brought his
1171 camp chores.
1173 	as the months passed, became very fond of him.  Patriarchs took to
1175 children all gathered to hear the many stories with which he was programmed.
1177 ending, he abruptly wore out.  Even Feghoot couldn't console them.
1179 Yewtoo Artoo was soulless, but we cannot believe it.  He must be properly
1180 interred.  We cannot embalm him as do the Egyptians.  Nor have we wood for
1181 a coffin.  But I do have a most splendid skin from one of Pharoah's own
1182 cattle.  We shall bury him in it."
1183 	Feghoot agreed.  "Yes, let this be his last rusting place." "Rusting?"
1184 	Moses cried. "Not in this dreadful dry desert!"
1192 minutes, a hospital orderly finally asked if he could be of some help.
1194 name for my baby."
1196 of first names and their meanings," said the orderly.
1198 name."
1214 					By the moon.
1216 There is no dark side of the moon... really... matter of fact it's all dark.
1220 with one astronaut from each country.  Since it's going to be two long, lonely
1222 or less.  The American approaches the NASA board and asks to take his 125 lb.
1223 wife. They approve.
1224 	The Japanese astronaut says, "I've always wanted to learn Latin.  I
1225 want 100 lbs. of textbooks."  The NASA board approves.  The Russian astronaut
1226 thinks for a second and says, "Two years...  all right, I want 150 pounds of
1227 the best Cuban cigars ever made."   Again, NASA okays it.
1229 to welcome back the astronauts.  Well, it's obvious what the American's been
1230 up to, he and his wife are each holding an infant.  The crowd cheers.  The
1232 perfect Latin.  The crowd doesn't understand a word of it, but they're
1233 impressed and they cheer again.  The Russian astronaut stomps out, clenches
1237 	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He
1239 and with great restraint.
1241 embellishment after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away
1242 to be used "next time."  Sooner or later the first system is finished,
1244 that class of systems, is ready to build a second system.
1245 	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.
1249 are particular and not generalizable.
1252 one.  The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile."
1255 	An architect's first work is apt to be spare and clean.  He knows
1257 restraint.
1259 after embellishment occur to him.  These get stored away to be used "next
1260 time".  Sooner or later the first system is finished, and the architect,
1262 is ready to build a second system.
1263 	This second is the most dangerous system a man ever designs.  When
1267 generalizable.
1269 the ideas and frills that were cautiously sidetracked on the first one.
1270 The result, as Ovid says, is a "big pile".
1273 porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps.  She
1275 tells the woman the he will grant her any three wishes her heart desires.
1278 voluptuous woman.
1280 for the rest of my life."  And POOF!  When the smoke clears, there are
1281 stacks and stacks of money lying on the porch.
1287 handsome, young man, with dark hair, dressed in a dashing uniform.
1293 is severely rationed).  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and
1294 announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage.
1295 	"What is this?" he shouts.  "I fought against the Nazis, I worked hard
1299 "Take it easy, comrade.  Remember what would have happened if you had made an
1301 this head and pulls the trigger.
1304 	"It's worse than that," he replies.  "They're out of bullets."
1307 	An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are captured by cannibals.
1309 to killed, your deaths will not be in vain.  Every part of your body will be
1310 used.  Your flesh will be eaten, for my people are hungry.  Your hair will be
1311 woven into clothing, for my people are naked.  Your bones will be ground up
1312 and made into medicine, for my people are sick.  Your skin will be stretched
1313 over canoe frames, for my people need transportation.  We are a fair people,
1314 and we offer you a chance to kill yourself with our ceremonial knife."
1316 while plunging the knife into his heart.
1318 "Vive la France", while plunging the knife into his heart.
1323 great number of teachers and I have given up a great number of pleasures.
1324 I have fasted, been celibate and stayed awake nights seeking enlightenment.
1326 I have not been enlightened.  What should I do?"
1327 	Otis replied, "Give up suffering."
1330 	And St. Attila raised the hand grenade up on high saying "O Lord
1334 breakfast cereals and fruit bats and...
1335 	(skip a bit brother...)
1336 	Er ... oh, yes ... and the Lord spake, saying "First shalt thou
1337 take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less.
1339 shall be three.  Four shalt thou not count neither count thou two, excepting
1340 that thou then proceed to three.  Five is right out.  Once the number
1343 snuff it.
1347 asked the father of his little son.
1348 	"Diet."
1352 posh hotel.
1353 	"No.  No, thank you," replied the gentleman.
1354 	"Anything for your wife, sir?" the bellhop asked.
1355 	"Why, yes, young man," said the gentleman.  "Would you bring me
1358 	"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?"
1359 	"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
1360 	"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
1361 	"That was the curious incident."
1365 preaching to a group of disciples.
1366 	"Words..." Ken orated, "they are but an illusory veil obfuscating
1368 	"Ken!" Hakuin interrupted. "Your fly is down!"
1370 vaporized.
1372 with the spirit of the morning.
1374 "Thou art That..."
1377 and he vaporized.
1381 	"US?" snapped Hakuin.
1383 Governor, and he vaporized.
1385 his shotgun.  "Ha! Beat ya' to the punchline, ya' scrawny li'l geek!"
1388 for more than 15 percent of their life span.  The words "I am sorry" and "I
1389 am wrong" will have totally disappeared from their vocabulary.  They will stab
1392 	"Sure, I put your dog in the microwave.  But I feel *better*
1393 for doing it."
1398 under the exhaust of a bus until he revived.
1402 his followers.
1404 there he confronted The Sacred Chao while She was contentedly grazing.
1408 	Munching the tasty grass, The Sacred Chao replied "MU".  (The
1409 Chinese ideogram for NO-THING.)
1410 	Upon hearing this, absolutely nobody was enlightened.
1411 	Primarily because nobody understood Chinese.
1433 	Brian Kernighan has an automobile which he helped design.
1435 any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver.
1437 center of the dashboard.  "The experienced driver", he says, "will
1438 usually know what's wrong."
1442 boat into the lake.  Jim Bob and Leroy pulled him back in, but as Bubba didn't
1443 look too good, they started up the Evinrude and headed back to the pier.
1445 teeth were chattering like all get out.  Jim Bob said, "Leroy, go run up to
1446 the pickup and get Doc Pritchard on the CB, and ask him what we should do".
1448 Leroy, listen closely.  Bubba is in great danger.  He has hy-po-thermia.  Now
1450 clothes off, and pile your clothes and jackets on top of him.  Then you all
1451 get under that pile, and hug up to Bubba real close so that you warm him up.
1452 You understand me Leroy?  You gotta warm Bubba up, or he'll die."
1454 pier.  "Wh-Wh-What'd th-th-the d-d-doc s-s-say L-L-Leroy?", Bubba chattered.
1455 	"Bubba, Doc says you're gonna die."
1458 the South, were of the present standard gauge.  The southern roads were
1459 still five feet between rails.
1461 in one day.  This remarkable piece of work was carried out on a Sunday in May
1462 of 1886.  For weeks beforehand, shops had been busy pressing wheels in on the
1464 could run on the new track as soon as it was ready.  Finally, on the day set,
1465 great numbers of gangs of track layers went to work at dawn.  Everywhere one
1467 new position.  By dark, trains from anywhere in the United States could operate
1469 was possible.
1473 along the block of booths.  She chirruped at Kennicott, "Let's be wild!
1479 	Mrs. Calibree smiled in a washed-out manner, and sighed, "Oh no,
1480 I don't believe I care to much, but you folks go ahead and try it."
1482 whole lot, but you folks go ahead and try it."
1484 it some other time, Carrie."
1485 	She gave it up.
1491 like a watermelon seed, and never heard from again.
1494 in January, 1966, "I'm not very keen for doves or hawks.  I think we need more
1495 owls."
1502 old as the average dog can, but she's got a pretty good memory to boot.
1505 try out ol' Sis here.  So I turned her out south of the house and she made
1510 something treed.  We went over there with our flashlights and shone them
1513 stood right to the tree and kept singing up into it.  So I pulled off my
1515 skeleton wedged in between a couple of branches about twenty foot up.
1519 Hawkins' had a fence across there about five years back.  Now, this dog
1520 is for sale.
1523 	Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. does not warrant that the
1525 the operation of the program will be uninterrupted or error-free.
1526 	However, Cosmotronic Software Unlimited Inc. warrants the
1529 date of purchase.
1533 CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES.
1544 	Oct 26		St. Thomas Boys Choir
1554 	He considered this for a moment and then replied, "I think so.
1555 I've always been especially fond of married women."
1558 	Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
1563 	Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou.
1569 white electric blanket?  I'm afraid to wash it in the machine.
1571 Thanks, Kathy.  (front desk, x17)
1573 p.s.	Also, anyone ever used Noxema on friction burns?
1577 sincerely, extremely dangerously.
1578 	They used dogs.  They used probes.  They used cardio plate crossoffs.
1579 They used teepers.  They used bribery.  They used stick tites.  They used
1580 intimidation.  They used torment.  They used torture.  They used finks.
1581 They used cops.  They used search and seizure.  They used fallaron.  They
1582 used betterment incentives.  They used finger prints.  They used the
1583 bertillion system.  They used cunning.  They used guile.  They used treachery.
1584 They used Raoul-Mitgong but he wasn't much help.  They used applied physics.
1585 They used techniques of criminology.  And what the hell, they caught him.
1588 	Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes of Harvard Medical School inhaled ether
1591 experiences today.  Here is his account of what happened:
1594 thought I should find uppermost in my mind.  The mighty music of the triumphal
1596 sense of infinite possibilities, which made me an archangel for a moment.
1597 The veil of eternity was lifted.  The one great truth which underlies all
1599 sought in vain to solve, flashed upon me in a sudden revelation.  Henceforth
1601 knowledge of the cherubim.  As my natural condition returned, I remembered
1603 characters, the all-embracing truth still glimmering in my consciousness.
1605 `A strong smell of turpentine prevails throughout.'"
1608 	During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jello at his wife.  She had
1609 him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon.
1610 	In another fight, the wife decked him with a heavy glass pitcher.
1611 She's a women who conks to stupor.
1613 man commented, "Sounds to me like a practical choker."
1614 	It's not the initial skirt length, it's the upcreep.
1616 bad legs should stick to long skirts because they cover a multitude of shins.
1619 blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall.  Suddenly a red-face
1621 hit my wife."
1622 	"Did I?" cried one hunter, aghast.  "Terribly sorry.  Have a shot
1623 at mine, over there."
1625 	Eugene d'Albert, a noted German composer, was married six times.
1629 charming a wife."
1631 	Everything is farther away than it used to be.  It is even twice as
1632 far to the corner and they have added a hill.  I have given up running for
1633 the bus; it leaves earlier than it used to.
1635 days.  And have you noticed the smaller print they use in the newspapers?
1637 speaks in such a low voice I can hardly hear them.
1639 and waist, that it is almost impossible to reach one's shoelaces.  And the
1640 sizes don't run the way they used to.  The 12's and 14's are so much smaller.
1641 	Even people are changing.  They are so much younger than they used to
1642 be when I was their age.  On the other hand people my age are so much older
1643 than I am.
1645 that she didn't recognize me.
1647 this morning and in so doing I glanced at my own reflection.  Really now,
1648 they don't even make good mirrors like they used to.
1651 	Excellence is THE trend of the '80s.  Walk into any shopping
1656 So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It", etc.
1660 humorous ... After [an incomprehensible film montage about wind and sun and
1662 seats locomote through a short tunnel filled with clock-work dinosaurs.
1663 The dinosaurs are depicted without accuracy and too close to your face.
1665 aggravate illusions.  Of course, no one knows what dinosaurs smelled like,
1666 but Exxon has decided they smelled bad.
1667 	"At the other end of Dino Ditch ... there's a final, very addled
1668 message about facing challengehood tomorrow-wise.  I dozed off during this,
1670 energy policy and neither do you."
1671 		-- P.J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell"
1674 "of course you know what 'it' means."
1677 said the Duck: "it's generally a frog or a worm.
1682 usual, were engaged in casual but learned conversation.  On this particular
1684 such as a "pride of lions" or a "gaggle of geese."
1687 fell into silence for a moment, as they pondered the possibilities...
1689 in acknowledgement as they continued to consider the problem.  A second
1690 professor spoke: "I'd suggest 'an Essay of Trollops.'"  Again, the others
1691 nodded.  A third spoke: "I propose 'a Flourish of Strumpets.'"
1694 the four, "You haven't suggested a name for our ladies.  What are your
1696 	Replied the fourth professor, "'An Anthology of Prose.'"
1698 	Fred noticed his roommate had a black eye upon returning from a dance.
1699 "What happened?"  "I was struck by the beauty of the place."
1702 that get on my nerves, it's the jerks."
1704 time.  One was named Edith; the other named Kate.  They met, discovered they
1705 had the same fiancee, and told him.  "Get out of our lives you rascal.  We'll
1706 teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."
1707 	A domineering man married a mere wisp of a girl.  He came back from
1708 his honeymoon a chastened man.  He'd become aware of the will of the wisp.
1710 little pebble on the beach.  The marriage counselor told him, "If you wish to
1711 save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."
1717 	"Of course not," said a sympathetic friend.
1718 	"Well," retorted Frank, "neither would Jennifer."
1721 extracurricular activity except you."
1723 	"Only to ten, Mudhead."
1729 apartment at 4134 Mountain Ave. -- there to spend her lonely, loveless hours
1733 differences once and for all.
1737 	Graduating seniors, parents and friends...
1739 to the most stringent requirements of the new appropriateness.
1741 text of even trace amounts of subconscious racism, sexism and classism.
1744 expunge any offensive elements of western rationalism and linear logic.
1747 denigrating to the political consensus of the moment.
1749 	Thank you and good luck.
1750 		-- Doonesbury, the University Chancellor's graduation speech.
1753 may be in Science.  As fast as possible get a good terminal on a good system.
1754 Enter your data clearly but always encrypt your results.  And listen to others,
1755 even the dull and ignorant, for they may be your customers.  Avoid loud and
1756 aggressive persons, for they are sales reps.
1758 for always there will be greater and lesser numbers than you have crunched.
1760 hassle and could change your fortunes in time.
1762 bugs.  But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive
1763 for linearity and everywhere papers are full of approximations.  Strive for
1764 proportionality.  Especially, do not faint when it occurs.  Neither be cyclical
1765 about results; for in the face of all data analysis it is sure to be noticed.
1766 	Take with a grain of salt the anomalous data points.  Gracefully pass
1767 them on to the youth at the next desk.  Nurture some mutual funds to shield
1768 you in times of sudden layoffs.  But do not distress yourself with imaginings
1769 -- the real bugs are enough to screw you badly.  Murphy's Law runs the
1770 Universe -- and whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt <Curl>B*n dS = 0.
1772 can conceive of to try.  With all the crashed disks, skewed data, and broken
1773 line printers, you can still have a beautiful secretary.  Be linear.  Strive
1774 to stay employed.
1779 verbed, and adjectives adverbised.  He techniqued a new way to vocabulary his
1781 had actually implicationed.
1784 since Clausewitz.  Unless, that is, he schizophrenes his allies first."
1787 	Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse.  Software said: "You
1788 are the Yin and I am the Yang.  If we travel together we will become famous
1789 and earn vast sums of money."  And so the pair set forth together, thinking
1790 to conquer the world.
1792 hobbled along propped on a thorny stick.  Firmware said to them: "The Tao
1793 lies beyond Yin and Yang.  It is silent and still as a pool of water.  It does
1794 not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence.  It does not seeks fortune,
1795 for it is complete within itself.  It exists beyond space and time."
1796 	Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
1800 from the club to an irate, ranting wife.
1801 	"I'm leaving you, Harry," his wife announced bitterly.  "You
1803 nine.  It just can't take that long to play 18 holes of golf."
1804 	"Honey, wait," said Harry.  "Let me explain.  I know what I promised
1805 you, but I have a very good reason for being late.  Fred and I tee'd off
1806 right on time and everything was fine for the first three holes.  Then, on
1807 the fourth tee Fred had a stroke.  I ran back to the clubhouse but couldn't
1808 find a doctor.  And, by the time I got back to Fred, he was dead.  So, for
1809 the next 15 holes, it was hit the ball, drag Fred, hit the ball, drag Fred...
1811 	Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
1813 been worse."
1816 hope in it.  Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,
1820 	"Terrible," said Harry.  "But it could have been worse."
1824 dead right now."
1828 heal.  Finally, he consulted a doctor who took one look at it and
1829 ordered the dog brought in.  Just as he had suspected, the dog had
1830 rabies.  Since it was too late to give the patient serum, the doctor
1831 felt he had to prepare him for the worst.  The poor man sat down at the
1832 doctor's desk and began to write.  His physician tried to comfort him.
1833 "Perhaps it won't be so bad," he said. "You needn't make out your will
1834 right now."
1835 	"I'm not making out any will," relied the man.  "I'm just writing
1838 	...He who laughs does not believe in what he laughs at, but neither
1839 does he hate it.  Therefore, laughing at evil means not preparing oneself to
1841 self-propagating.
1844 	"Heard you were moving your piano, so I came over to help."
1845 	"Thanks.  Got it upstairs already."
1847 	"Nope.  Hitched the cat to it."
1849 	"Used a whip."
1851 	"Hello, Mrs. Premise!"
1852 	"Oh, hello, Mrs. Conclusion!  Busy day?"
1853 	"Busy? I just spent four hours burying the cat."
1855 	"Yes, he wouldn't keep still: wrigglin' about, 'owlin'..."
1856 	"Oh, it's not dead then."
1859 on the safe side."
1860 	"Quite right.  You don't want to come back from Sorrento
1864 	Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.
1866 severe marketing anxiety in China.
1868 on the inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".
1869 	Bite the wax tadpole.
1872 to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
1873 tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare.  Not bad, but broad
1874 satiric vistas do not open up.
1880 define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it.  So for a while, the
1882 Justice Stevens' house, where he would look it over.  "Nope, this isn't
1883 it," he'd say.  "Bring some more."  This went on until one morning when
1888 it because the court was going to take a nap.
1892 of her blonde companion.
1893 	"Fishing through the ice," she replied.
1895 	"Olives."
1898 	"Oh, about half."
1901 3.155  x  10^7, you won't even try to remember it.  On the other hand, who
1902 could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury.
1906 social climber said to her roommate.  "I mean, I've never seen a Porsche
1907 full of money before."
1910 	"Ran over a bottle."
1912 	"Damn kid had it under his coat."
1915 the phone.  "You'll have to call the weather bureau for that information."
1916 	"Who was that?" his young wife asked.
1917 	"Some guy wanting to know if the coast was clear."
1920 quavering voice.
1921 	"No," said GoodGulf, "but I can.  The letters are Elvish, of
1923 I will not utter here.  They are lines of a verse long known in
1927 	Who'd pawn their own mother to grab it themselves.
1929 	This is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop.
1930 	The Power almighty rests in this Lone Ring.
1931 	The Power, alrighty, for doing your Own Thing.
1932 	If broken or busted, it cannot be remade.
1933 	If found, send to Sorhed (with postage prepaid)."
1938 	HE asked me about black holes in space.
1942 	HE wanted to discuss nature's food chains.
1943 	(Well, let's see, there's ShopRite, Pathmark...)
1945 	I talked about Choo-Choo trains.
1946 	HE talked internal combustion engines.
1947 	(The INTERNAL COMBUSTION ENGINE said, "I think I can, I think I can.")
1950 as equals.
1952 the graphics.
1954 	Then puberty struck.  Ah, adolescence.
1955 	HE said, "Mom, I just don't understand women."
1961 violence.  What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic,
1967      You: This is Ed.  Remember?  The person whose parking space you
1970      You: Fine, thanks.  Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is:
1971 	  "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..."  No, wait.
1973 	  and ..."  No, wait.  (Sound of reference book thudding onto
1974 	  the floor.)  S-word.  Excuse me.  Look, Bob, I'm going to
1975 	  have to get back to you.
1976      Bob: Fine.
1979 	"I don't know what you mean by 'glory'," Alice said.
1980 	Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
1981 till I tell you.  I meant 'there's a nice knock-down argument for you!'"
1983 objected.
1985 tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."
1987 so many different things."
1989 that's all."
1991 	I for one cannot protest the recent M.T.A. fare hike and the
1992 accompanying promises that this would in no way improve service.  For
1994 can't be measured in monetary terms.
1997 by subway."  Those four words have such magic in them that if Godot
1999 understand his long delay.
2001 	"I have examined Bogota," he said, "and the case is clearer to me.
2002 I think very probably he might be cured."
2003 	"That is what I have always hoped," said old Yacob.
2004 	"His brain is affected," said the blind doctor.
2005 	The elders murmured assent.
2007 	"Ah!" said old Yacob.
2008 	"This," said the doctor, answering his own question.  "Those queer
2011 as to affect his brain.  They are greatly distended, he has eyelashes, and
2013 irritation and distraction."
2014 	"Yes?" said old Yacob.  "Yes?"
2017 operation - namely, to remove those irritant bodies."
2019 	"Then he will be perfectly sane, and a quite admirable citizen."
2020 	"Thank heaven for science!" said old Yacob.
2021 		-- H.G. Wells, "The Country of the Blind"
2024 of others, and all positive assertion of my own.  I even forbade myself the use
2026 as "certainly", "undoubtedly", etc.   I adopted instead of them "I conceive",
2028 at present".
2031 immediately some absurdity in his proposition.  In answering I began by
2033 but in the present case there appeared or seemed to me some difference, etc.
2035 conversations I engaged in went on more pleasantly.  The modest way in which I
2036 proposed my opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction.
2039 happened to be in the right.
2042 	I managed to say, "Sorry," and no more.  I knew that he disliked
2043 me to cry.
2045 to weep."
2047 back; I would be nice."
2048 	Francis said, "You gave her great pleasure always."
2049 	"Oh, not enough."
2050 	"Nobody can give anybody enough."
2052 	"No, not ever.  But one must go on trying."
2054 	"Rarely," said Francis.  I went on weeping; I saw how little I had
2055 valued him; how little I had valued anything that was mine.
2059 asked a sergeant to show me some rape statistics.  He politely obliged.
2061 over the same month for the previous year.  The precinct had made two
2062 arrests.
2063 	"Not a very impressive record," I offered.
2064 	"Don't worry about it," the sergeant assured me.  "You know what
2066 	"What do they represent?" I asked.
2068 closing the book.
2073 as I am absolutely terrified of yams...
2076 and deep blue seas in a language closely resembling that of the common sow.
2083 time I have pork.  But I digress.  The fact remains that I cannot rationally
2084 deal with yams, and pigs are terrible conversationalists.
2088 	I said," I don't know, surprise me".
2089 	So he showed me a nude picture of my wife.
2092 	If I kiss you, that is an psychological interaction.
2094 that is also a psychological interaction.
2096 so friendly.
2097 	The crucial point is if you can tell which is which.
2098 		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
2100 	If the tao is great, then the operating system is great.  If the
2101 operating system is great, then the compiler is great.  If the compiler
2102 is great, then the application is great.  If the application is great, then
2103 the user is pleased and there is harmony in the world.
2104 	The tao gave birth to machine language.  Machine language gave birth
2105 to the assembler.
2106 	The assembler gave birth to the compiler.  Now there are ten thousand
2107 languages.
2108 	Each language has its purpose, however humble.  Each language
2109 expresses the yin and yang of software.  Each language has its place within
2110 the tao.
2111 	But do not program in Cobol or Fortran if you can help it.
2114 everything. When we get to October 2, we'll add up the wins, and then
2115 we'll either all go into the playoffs, or we'll all go home and play golf.
2116 	Both those things sound pretty good to me.
2122 repeat the sequence.
2124 hit that window jamb, that door, that chair.  Get back on course and do it
2125 again.  How can you pilot a spacecraft if you can't find your way around
2127 		-- William S. Burroughs
2129 	"I'll tell you what I know, then," he decided.  "The pin I'm wearing
2130 means I'm a member of the IA.  That's Inamorati Anonymous.  An inamorato is
2131 somebody in love.  That's the worst addiction of all."
2134 	"Right.  The whole idea is to get where you don't need it.  I was
2135 lucky.  I kicked it young.  But there are sixty-year-old men, believe it or
2136 not, and women even older, who might wake up in the night screaming."
2138 	"No, of course not.  You get a phone number, an answering service
2139 you can call.  Nobody knows anybody else's name; just the number in case
2140 it gets so bad you can't handle it alone.  We're isolates, Arnold.  Meetings
2141 would destroy the whole point of it."
2145 young man to his father as he prepared to leave home.  "Don't try to stop me.
2146 I'm on my way."
2147 	"Who's trying to stop you?" shouted the father.  "Take me along!"
2150 right manual yet.  I've been working my way through the manuals in the document
2152 should find what I'm looking for by mid May.  I hope I can remember what it
2153 was by the time I find it.
2155 "The Paper Chase : IBM vs. DEC".  It's based on Hitchcock's "The Birds", except
2158 blank."
2164 rabbit.
2167 	"Well, follow me and I'll show you."
2169 rabbit emerges with a satisfied expression on his face.  Comes along a
2170 wolf.  "Hello, little buddy, what are we doing these days?"
2172 wolves."
2174 	"Come with me and I'll show you."
2176 and a diploma in his paw.  Finally, the camera pans into the rabbit's cave
2179 remnants of the wolf and the fox.
2182 important -- it's your PhD advisor that really counts.
2186 kill all the lawyers."  That action may be extreme but a similar sentiment
2187 was expressed by Thomas K. Connellan, president of The Management Group, Inc.
2190 of attorneys and accountants, and a dearth of production experts.  Lawyers
2192 out how the pie gets divided.  Neither profession provides any added value
2193 to product."
2195 10 lawyers and 30 accountants per 100,000 population.  The U.S. has 200
2196 lawyers and 700 accountants.  This suggests that "the U.S. proportion of
2197 pie-bakers and pie-dividers is way out of whack."  Could Dick Butcher have
2202 mud."
2203 	And there was mud.
2205 can see what we have done."
2207 man.  Mud-as-man alone could speak.
2208 	"What is the purpose of all this?" man asked politely.
2209 	"Everything must have a purpose?" asked God.
2210 	"Certainly," said man.
2211 	"Then I leave it to you to think of one for all of this," said God.
2212 	And He went away.
2215 	In the beginning there was data.  The data was without form and
2217 IBM was moving over the face of the market.  And DEC said, "Let there
2218 be registers"; and there were registers.  And DEC saw that they
2219 carried; and DEC separated the data from the instructions.  DEC called
2220 the data Stack, and the instructions they called Code.  And there was
2221 evening and there was morning, one interrupt.
2225 the Great Mathematical Spirit form the Book: the Topologist.  And they grew to
2226 large numbers and prospered.
2228 as the eye could see.  So they set out in building a Mathematical edifice that
2229 was to reach up as far as "up" went.  Further and further up they went ...
2230 until one night the edifice collapsed under the weight of paradox.
2232 structure reaching to the heavens.  One by one, the Mathematicians climbed
2233 out from under the rubble.  It was a miracle that nobody was killed; but when
2235 understand each other.  They all spoke different languages.  They all fought
2236 amongst themselves and each went about their own way.  To this day the
2237 Topologists remain the original Mathematicians.
2240 	In the beginning was the Tao.  The Tao gave birth to Space and Time.
2241 Therefore, Space and Time are the Yin and Yang of programming.
2244 time and space for their programs.  Programmers that comprehend the Tao always
2245 have enough time and space to accomplish their goals.
2250 sat hacking at the PDP-6.
2251 	"What are you doing?", asked Minsky.
2252 	"I am training a randomly wired neural net to play Tic-Tac-Toe."
2253 	"Why is the net wired randomly?", inquired Minsky.
2254 	"I do not want it to have any preconceptions of how to play".
2257 	"So that the room will be empty."
2258 	At that moment, Sussman was enlightened.
2260 	In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish.  It
2261 changes into a bird whose winds are like clouds filling the sky.  When this
2262 bird moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters.
2264 making its mark upon the beach.  Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with
2265 the blue sky at its back, returns home.
2267 it not.  The average programmer dreads the coming of the bird, for he fears
2268 its message.  The master programmer continues to work at his terminal, for he
2269 does not know that the bird has come and gone.
2273 	In the evening, floating in the soup.
2276 Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up. Yum!
2277 	You can ask them anything you want to.
2278 	They won't answer; they can't talk.
2281 	Didn't have to pay to get it in.
2284 	They aren't good dancers; they can't play drums.
2287 	Italian restaurants with Oriental women.
2296 baroque feel to a continent.  And they tell me it's not equatorial enough.
2297 Equatorial!"  He gave a hollow laugh.  "What does it matter?  Science has
2299 right any day."
2301 	"No.  That's where it all falls down, of course."
2302 	"Pity," said Arthur with sympathy.  "It sounded like quite a good
2303 life-style otherwise."
2307 announced His candidacy for the U.S. presidency.  During His press conference
2310 in time.  I'd like to get this country turned around; I mean REALLY turned
2312 those annoying mountains and rivers.  I never could stand them!"
2314 citizenship and other qualifications for the Presidency.  God replied to
2320 may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.  Conversely, if
2324 in such a manner as to ensure your receiving said benefit.  I ask this in my
2328 which may in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
2329 	Amen.
2332 working as the doorkeeper at the Pearly Gates.  One slow day, he
2333 found that he had time to chat with the new entrants.  To the first one
2334 he asked, "What's your IQ?"  The new arrival replied, "190".  They
2335 discussed Einstein's theory of relativity for hours.  When the second
2337 IQ.  The answer this time came "120".  To which Einstein replied, "Tell
2339 an hour or so.  To the final arrival, Einstein once again posed the
2340 question, "What's your IQ?".  Upon receiving the answer "70",
2343 	It is a period of system war.  User programs, striking from a hidden
2344 directory, have won their first victory against the evil Administrative Empire.
2347 enough power to destroy an entire file structure.  Pursued by the Empire's
2350 freedom and games to the network...
2355 the habit of thinking about what we are doing.  The precise opposite is the
2356 case.  Civilization advances by extending the numbers of important operations
2357 which we can perform without thinking about them.  Operations of thought are
2359 require fresh horses, and must only be made at decisive moments.
2362 	It is always preferable to visit home with a friend.  Your parents will
2365 human beings.
2368 duration of the visit but forever.  The worst kind of girl to take home is one
2371 and whose example will irretrievably corrupt you.
2373 to take her home for the holidays.  You are aware of your parents' xenophobic
2374 response to anyone of a different religion.  How to prepare them for the shock?
2375 	Simple.  Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
2377 different race and the same sex.  Tell them you have already invited this
2378 person to meet them.  Give the information a moment to sink in and then
2380 religion.  They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
2384 for a few years.  He doesn't have to change his routines much as the audiences
2385 change over fairly often, and he's got a good life.   The only problem is the
2387 after year.  Finally, the parrot figures out how almost every trick works and
2388 starts giving it away for the audience.  For example, when the magician makes
2392 passengers.
2394 a trace.  Almost everyone aboard was lost, except for the magician and the
2395 parrot.  For three days and nights they just drift, with the magician clinging
2396 to one end of a piece of driftwood and the parrot perched on the other end.
2398 the magician's end of the log.  With obvious disgust in his voice, he snaps
2399 "OK, you win, I give up.  Where did you hide the ship?"
2402 balloon to cross the United States.  After forty hours in the air, George
2404 need to find out where we are."
2406 cloud cover.  Slowly drifting over the countryside, George spots a man
2411 	George turns to Harry and says, "Well, that man *must* be a lawyer".
2412 	Replies Harry, "How can you tell?".
2418 New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
2421 everyone knew it would be a total disaster. But by then the investment
2422 was so big they felt compelled to go on. Since its completion, it has
2423 cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing.
2425 really needed in the first place.
2427 analogous to the above.
2428 		-- K.E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa
2431 laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers.  The
2433 nursing a whopper.  Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the rest rode by him, praying
2434 for their fate to be quick, painless, and if possible, someone else's.
2437 icepacks.
2441 been chosen to carry the Polish flag in the May Day parade.
2442 	"Why me?"  whines the boy.  "Three years ago I carried the flag
2444 Andropov's turn, and again when Chernenko was in the Kremlin.  Why is
2447 explains.
2452 her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel.  She wore a bathing suit
2454 way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.  She'd hardly
2456 stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
2458 the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs.  "The Hilton doesn't
2460 wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
2461 	"What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly.  "No one
2462 can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
2463 	"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man.  "You're lying on
2464 the dining room skylight."
2467 lived with was made up of idiots.  Remember?  One of them was always
2469 the farmhouse to alert the other ones.  She'd whimper and tug at their
2472 What is it, girl?", etc., as if this had never happened before, instead
2473 of every week.  What with all the time these people spent pinned under
2474 the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops whatsoever.
2476 applications for.
2480 tries to hide behind a beard.  No good.  There are still too many people
2481 and too many stares, always taunting, always smirking.  He moves to the
2482 outskirts of town. He finds a place to live -- huge mansion, dirt cheap,
2483 caretaker included.  He plugs in his guitar and plays as loud as he wants,
2484 day and night, and there's no one to laugh or boo or even look bored.
2485 	Nobody's cut the grass in months.  What's happened to that caretaker?
2487 start to get curious.  A 13 year-old blond with an angelic face misses supper.
2488 Before the summer's end, four more teenagers have disappeared.  The senior
2490 movie one night and stays out.  The town's up in arms, but just before the
2491 police take action, the kids turn up.  They've found a purpose.  They go
2493 now.  They're in a band.
2496 	Listen, Tyrone, you don't know how dangerous that stuff is.
2500 dream, huh?  M-maybe it exists.  Maybe there is a Machine to take us
2503 other souls it's got stored there.  It could decide who it would suck
2504 out, a-and when.  Dope never gave you immortality.  You hadda come
2506 forever, in a clean, honest, purified, Electroworld.
2510 character named Jack.  Jack and his relations were poor.  Often their
2511 hash table was bare.  One day Jack's parent said to him, "Our matrices
2512 are sparse.  You must go to the market to exchange our RAM for some
2513 BASICs."  She compiled a linked list of items to retrieve and passed it
2514 to him.
2515 	So Jack set out.  But as he was walking along a Hamilton path,
2516 he met the traveling salesman.
2518 in high-level language.
2520 and Apples," commented Jack.
2521 	"I have a much better algorithm.  You needn't join a queue
2522 there; I will swap your RAM for these magic kernels now."
2523 	Jack made the trade, then backtracked to his house.  But when
2525 started thrashing.
2528 window...
2532 into the saloon.  As he made his way through the crowd to the bar, a man
2534 	Suddenly, the saloon doors burst open.  An enormous man, standing over
2536 rattlesnake for a whip.  Grabbing the drifter by the arm and throwing him over
2539 guzzled in one gulp and then smashed on the bar.  He then stood aghast as
2541 smacked his lips with relish.
2542 	"Can I, ah, uh, get you another, sir?" the drifter stammered.
2543 	"Naw, I gotta git outa here, boy," the man grunted.  "Big Mike's
2544 a-comin'."
2547 and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the top of the
2548 graduate school mountain but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
2549 	These are the things I learned:  Share everything.  Play fair.  Don't
2550 hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up your own mess.
2551 Don't take things that aren't yours.   Say you're sorry when you hurt someone.
2552 Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush.  Warm cookies and cold milk are good
2553 for you.  Live a balanced life.  Learn some and think some and draw and paint
2554 and sing and dance and play and work some every day.
2555 	Take a nap every afternoon.  When you go out into the world, watch for
2556 traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.  Remember the
2557 little seed in the plastic cup.   The roots go down and the plant goes up and
2558 nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.  Goldfish and
2560 die.  So do we.
2562 learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK.  Everything you need to know is in
2563 there somewhere.  The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation.  Ecology and
2564 politics and sane living.
2567 our blankets for a nap.  Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other
2569 messes.  And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into
2570 the world it is best to hold hands and stick together.
2575 do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten.  Wisdom was not at the top
2576 of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.
2577 	These are the things I learned:  Share everything.  Play fair.
2578 Don't hit people.  Put things back where you found them.  Clean up your
2579 own mess.  Don't take things that aren't yours.  Say you're sorry when you
2580 hurt someone.  Wash your hands before you eat.  Flush.  Warm cookies and
2581 cold milk are good for you.  Live a balanced life.  Learn some and think
2583 some.
2584 	Take a nap every afternoon.  When you go out into the world, watch
2585 for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.  Be aware of wonder.  Remember
2586 the little seed in the plastic cup.  The roots go down and the plant goes
2587 up and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that.
2588 [...]
2591 down with our blankets for a nap.   Or if we had a basic policy in our nation
2593 up our own messes.  And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when
2594 you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.
2597 	Mother seemed pleased by my draft notice.  "Just think of all the
2598 people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son."
2599 	Laughingly I felled her with a right cross.
2603 approached by a stranger who had slipped from the shadows nearby.
2606 All I have in the world is this gun."
2608 	Mr. Jones related an incident from "some time back" when IBM Canada
2609 Ltd. of Markham, Ont., ordered some parts from a new supplier in Japan.  The
2611 defects (a fairly high standard in North America at the time).
2613 plastic. The accompanying letter said: "We don't know why you want 1.5 per
2614 cent defective parts, but for your convenience, we've packed them separately."
2617 	Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile.
2618 Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures.  One day,
2619 without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation.  In
2621 prison.
2623 in their hotel room.  For three weeks they're tortured day and night to get
2624 them to name their contacts in the liberation movement...  Finally they're
2626 to death.
2628 be shot.  The sergeant in charge of the firing squad asks them if they have
2629 any last requests.  Esther wants to know if she can call her daughter in
2630 Chicago.  The sergeant says he's sorry, that's not possible, and turns to
2631 Murray.
2632 	"This is crazy!" Murray shouts.  "We're not spies!"  And he
2633 spits in the sergeants face.
2634 	"Murray!" Esther cries.  "Please!  Don't make trouble."
2638 Africa.  Well we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 31.
2640 Africa.  Upon our arrival we immediately set up a rigorous schedule:  Up at
2641 6:00, breakfast, and back in bed by 7:00.  Pretty soon we were back in bed by
2642 6:30.  Now Africa is full of big game.  The first day I shot two bucks.  That
2643 was the biggest game we had.  Africa is primarily inhabited by Elks, Moose
2644 and Knights of Pithiests.
2646 annual conventions.  And you should see them gathered around the water hole,
2647 which they leave immediately when they discover it's full of water.  They
2648 weren't looking for a water hole.  They were looking for an alck hole.
2650 pajamas, I don't know.  Then we tried to remove the tusks.  That's a tough
2651 word to say, tusks.  As I said we tried to remove the tusks, but they were
2652 embedded so firmly we couldn't get them out.  But in Alabama the Tusks are
2653 looser, but that is totally irrelephant to what I was saying.
2654 	We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed.
2655 So we're going back in a few years...
2656 		-- Julius H. Marx
2659 even that they were always wrong.  Rather, I believe that science must be
2661 robots programmed to collect pure information.  I also present this view as
2663 the alter of human limitations.
2665 in an obtuse and erratic manner, can learn about it.  Galileo was not shown
2666 the instruments of torture in an abstract debate about lunar motion.  He had
2669 earth, priests subordinate to the Pope and serfs to their lord.  But the
2670 Church soon made its peace with Galileo's cosmology.  They had no choice; the
2671 earth really does revolve about the sun.
2672 		-- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
2675 a girl should not do before twenty."
2677 audience, either."
2685 -- Reverse the bits in a word.
2688 you.  He doesn't know.  Never ask your lover if she'd dive in front of an
2689 oncoming band of Hell's Angels for you.  She doesn't know.  Never ask how many
2690 cigarettes your lover has smoked today.  Cancer is a personal commitment.
2692 the ones who dived in front of trains.  If you look like one of them, you are
2693 repeating history's mistakes.  If you don't, you'll wonder what he or she saw
2694 in the others.
2696 of your lover cavorting naked in a tidal pool on Maui.  Don't ask who took
2697 it.  The answer is obvious.  A Japanese tourist took the picture.
2698 	Never ask if your lover has had therapy.  Only people who have had
2699 therapy ask if people have had therapy.
2700 	Don't ask about plaster casts of male sex organs marked JIMI, JIM, etc.
2701 Assume that she bought them at a flea market.
2704 	NEW YORK-- Kraft Foods, Inc. announced today that its board of
2706 Morris and Co. A Kraft spokesman stated in a press conference that the
2708 true value of the company.
2709 	Wall Street insiders, however, tell quite a different story.
2712 their major Middle East subsidiaries.  To a person, the board voted to
2714 reorganize Israeli Cheddar, Ltd., and name the new company Cheeses of
2715 Nazareth.
2718 simple, really.  "I didn't, for a long time, but I do now.  You just can't
2719 hold people, you can't own them.  I mean it's only natural, a natural process
2720 really.  Meet.  Love.  Part.  Life goes on.  There was never any reason to
2721 expect her to stay always the same -- I mean `in love,' you know."  There were
2722 those doubt-quotes of Smoky's, heavily indicated.  "I don't hold a grudge.  I
2723 can't."
2724 	"You do," Grandfather Trout said.  "And you don't understand."
2727 	Now she speaks rapidly.  "Do you know *why* you want to program?"
2728 	He shakes his head.  He hasn't the faintest idea.
2729 	"For the sheer *joy* of programming!" she cries triumphantly.
2730 "The joy of the parent, the artist, the craftsman.  "You take a program,
2731 born weak and impotent as a dimly-realized solution.  You nurture the
2733 stronger.  Sometimes you paint with tiny strokes, a keystroke added here,
2734 a keystroke changed there."  She sweeps her arm in a wide arc.  "And other
2736 *essence*, then beginning anew.  But always building, creating, filling the
2737 program with your own personal stamp, your own quirks and nuances.  Watching
2739 stand alone -- proud, powerful, and perfect.  This is the programmer's finest
2740 hour!"  Softly at first, then louder, he hears the strains of a Sousa march.
2741 "This ... this is your canvas! your clay!  Go forth and create a masterwork!"
2744 to be avoided than harped upon.
2748 about helping to postpone this reunion.
2753 urban crime.  Look, here's my ID, and here's a number you can call, that will
2754 put you through to our central base in Atlanta.  Go ahead, call -- they'll
2755 confirm who I am.
2756 	"Unless, of course, the Astro-Zombies have destroyed it."
2760 demolished an automobile and its occupants. Being the chief witness, his
2761 testimony was vitally important. Barlow explained that the night was dark,
2763 no attention to the signal.
2765 complimented the old-timer for his story. "You did wonderfully," he said,
2766 "I was afraid you would waver under testimony."
2768 lawyer was gonna ask me if my lantern was lit."
2771 receipts of $65.  The next day his take was $67.  The third day's
2772 income was $62.  But on the fourth day, Eckstein emptied no less than
2773 $283 on the desk before the cashier.
2774 	"Eckstein!" exclaimed the cashier.  "This is fantastic.  That
2778 worked there.  I tell you, that street is a gold mine!"
2781 around for a present for his wife.  He knew what she wanted, a
2783 almost impossible to find.  Finally, after many hours of searching, Joe
2784 found just the clock he wanted, but the store didn't deliver.  Joe,
2786 staggered out onto the sidewalk.  On the way home, he passed a bar.
2788 sending himself, Joe, and the clock into the gutter.  Murphy's law
2789 being in effect, the clock ended up in roughly a thousand pieces.
2791 wreckage.  "Why don't you look where the hell you're going!"
2793 dusted himself off.  "And why don't you just wear a wristwatch like a
2797 to find that the Praetorian Guard had prepared a treat for him in the arena.
2799 alive.  "Wonderful!" exclaimed the deranged emperor, "but one of them isn't
2800 dead yet.  I can see her lips moving.  Go quickly and find out what she is
2801 saying."
2803 the flames as he dared, and listened intently.  Then he turned and ran back
2804 to the imperial box.  "She is not talking," he reported to Nero, "she is
2805 singing."
2806 	"Singing?" said the astounded emperor.  "Singing what?"
2807 	"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
2809 	On the other hand, the TCP camp also has a phrase for OSI people.
2810 There are lots of phrases.  My favorite is `nitwit' -- and the rationale
2814 best, write it down and make that the standard.
2815 	The OSI view is entirely opposite.  You take written contributions
2819 something out, usually without it ever having been implemented once.
2824 committed to it.  One of those processes is backwards, and I don't think
2825 it takes a Lucasian professor of physics at Oxford to figure out which.
2829 tomatoes.  Back in April I'd have killed for a fresh tomato, but in August
2830 they are no more rare or wonderful than rocks.  So I picked up one and threw
2832 at my brother.  He whipped one back at me.  We ducked down by the vines,
2833 heaving tomatoes at each other.  My sister, who was a good person, said,
2834 "You're going to get it."  She bent over and kept on picking.
2836 she looked like the side of a barn.
2837 	I picked up a tomato so big it sat on the ground.  It looked like it
2838 had sat there a week.  The underside was brown, small white worms lived in it,
2839 and it was very juicy.  I stood up and took aim, and went into the windup,
2840 when my mother at the kitchen window called my name in a sharp voice.  I had
2841 to decide quickly.  I decided.
2843 man doing a belly-flop.  With a whoop and a yell the tomato came after
2845 me when Mother called her name in a sharp voice.  And my sister, who was a
2846 good person, obeyed and let go -- and burst into tears.  I guess she knew that
2848 a rotten tomato hit someone in the rear end.
2853 traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.  We
2855 see a shopper emerge from the mall.  Then we follow her, in very much the same
2857 week, until it led them to a parking space.
2859 let the other circling cars know that she belongs to us.  Sometimes, two cars
2861 great white sharks will fight over who gets to eat a snorkeler.  So, we follow
2864 which is usually parked several time zones away from the mall.  Sometimes our
2866 go back to shopping.  But, when she hears our engine rev in a festive fashion
2867 and sees the holiday gleam in our eyes, she realizes she would never make it.
2872 crystal river.  Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs
2874 resisting the current what each had learned from birth.  But one creature
2875 said at last, "I trust that the current knows where it is going.  I shall
2876 let go, and let it take me where it will.  Clinging, I shall die of boredom."
2881 once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.  Yet, in time,
2883 bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more.
2887 Messiah than you.  The river delight to lift us free, if only we dare let go.
2888 Our true work is this voyage, this adventure.
2890 rocks, making legends of a Saviour.
2893 	Once there was a marine biologist who loved dolphins. He spent his
2894 time trying to feed and protect his beloved creatures of the sea.  One day,
2897 	Of course he was ecstatic. But he soon realized that in order to mass
2899 only found in nature in the metabolism of a rare South American bird.  Carried
2901 steal one of these birds.
2903 escaping from its cage.  The zookeepers were alarmed and immediately began
2905 on the sidewalk and had gone to sleep.
2907 bird.  He was so excited by the prospect of helping his dolphins that he
2909 car.  Immediately, 1500 policemen converged on him and arrested him for
2910 transporting a myna across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
2913 through the woods.  All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated
2914 on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her.  "Maiden," croaked the
2917 a spell over me and turned me into a frog."
2918 	"Oh, what a pity!", exclaimed the girl.  "I'll do anything I can to
2919 help you break such a spell."
2922 the night under her pillow."
2924 pillow that night when she retired.  When she awoke the next morning, sure
2926 royal blood.  And so they lived happily ever after, except that to this day
2927 her father and mother still don't believe her story.
2929 	Once upon a time, there was a fisherman who lived by a great river.
2931 biggest, strongest fish he had ever caught.  He fought with it for hours,
2932 until, finally, he managed to bring it to the surface.  Looking of the edge
2933 of the boat, he saw the head of this huge fish breaking the surface.  Smiling
2934 with pride, he reached over the edge to pull the fish up.  Unfortunately, he
2938 simultaneously snapping the line, and swallowing the watch.  Sadly, the
2939 fisherman stared into the water, and then began the slow trip back home.
2941 boring assembly-line job in a large city.  He worked in a fish-processing
2942 plant.  It was his job, as each fish passed under his hands, to chop off their
2943 heads, readying them for the next phase in processing.  This monotonous task
2945 his entire world, day after day, week after weary week.  Well, one day, as he
2947 the line looked very familiar.  Yes, yes, it looked... could it be the fish
2949 his cleaver came down.  IT STRUCK SOMETHING HARD!  IT WAS HIS THUMB!
2952 to experience an elephant for the first time.  One approached the elephant,
2954 like a tree."  The second, after exploring the trunk, said, "No, an elephant
2955 is like a strong hose."  The third, grasping the tail, said "Fool!  An elephant
2956 is like a rope!"  The fourth, holding an ear, stated, "No, more like a fan."
2958 a wall."  The five then began to argue loudly about who had the more accurate
2959 perception of the elephant.
2961 attacked the men.  He continued to trample them until they were nothing but
2962 bloody lumps of flesh.  Then, strolling away, the elephant remarked, "It just
2963 goes to show that you can't depend on first impressions.  When I first saw
2964 them I didn't think they they'd be any fun at all."
2967 in a certain kingdom.  And, there was a Princess in a neighboring kingdom
2968 who was of marriageable age.  Well, one day, in full armour, their horses,
2970 win her hand.  The road was long and there were many obstacles along the
2971 way, robbers to be overcome, hard terrain to cross.  As they coped with
2972 each obstacle they became more and more disgusted with their page.  He was
2974 in short, a complete flop.  When they arrived at the court of the kingdom,
2976 treasure.  The two older brothers were discouraged, since they had not
2977 thought of this and were unprepared.  The youngest, however, had the
2978 answer:  Promise her anything, but give her our page.
2982 complexities.  Years of study in musty classrooms were prerequisite to
2983 obtaining even a dim, incoherent knowledge of science.
2985 available to anyone.
2989 a better garbage collector.  We must keep a reference count of the pointers
2990 to each cons."
2993 collector..."
2996 an enlightened state.  Much impressed by this news, several of his peers
2997 went to speak with him.
2998 	"We have heard that you are enlightened.  Is this true?" his fellow
2999 students inquired.
3000 	"It is", Kyogen answered.
3002 	"As miserable as ever", replied the enlightened Kyogen.
3004 	One evening he spoke.  Sitting at her feet, his face raised to her,
3005 he allowed his soul to be heard.  "My darling, anything you wish, anything
3006 I am, anything I can ever be...  That's what I want to offer you -- not the
3008 them.  That thing -- a man can't renounce it -- but I want to renounce it --
3010 you."
3013 	He got up.  He said nothing and walked out of the house.  He never
3014 saw that girl again.  Gail Wynand, who prided himself on never needing a
3015 lesson twice, did not fall in love again in the years that followed.
3019 and drove off along the route.  No problems for the first few stops -- a few
3020 people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.  At the next
3021 stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on.  Six feet eight, built like a
3022 wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.  He glared at the driver and said,
3023 "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
3025 meek?  Well, he was.  Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't
3026 happy about it.  Well, the next day the same thing happened -- Big John got on
3027 again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.  And the next day, and the
3028 one after that, and so forth.  This grated on the bus driver, who started
3029 losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.  Finally he
3030 could stand it no longer. He signed up for bodybuilding courses, karate, judo,
3031 and all that good stuff.  By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong;
3032 what's more, he felt really good about himself.
3037 bus pass."
3039 	One night the captain of a tanker saw a light dead ahead.  He
3040 directed his signalman to flash a signal to the light which went...
3041 	"Change course 10 degrees South."
3042 	The reply was quickly flashed back...
3043 	"You change course 10 degrees North."
3045 message.....
3046 	"I am a captain.  Change course 10 degrees South."
3047 	Back came the reply...
3048 	"I am an able-seaman.  Change course 10 degrees North."
3049 	The captain was outraged at this reply and send a message....
3050 "I am a 240,000 tonne tanker.  CHANGE course 10 degrees South!"
3051 	Back came the reply...
3052 	"I am a LIGHTHOUSE.  Change course 10 degrees North!!!!"
3057 	Unix was written on our machines and for our machines many years ago.
3058 Today, much of UNIX being done is done on our machines. Ten percent of our
3059 VAXs are going for UNIX use.  UNIX is a simple language, easy to understand,
3060 easy to get started with. It's great for students, great for somewhat casual
3061 users, and it's great for interchanging programs between different machines.
3062 And so, because of its popularity in these markets, we support it.  We have
3063 good UNIX on VAX and good UNIX on PDP-11s.
3065 out of things they can do with UNIX. They'll want a real system and will end
3066 up doing VMS when they get to be serious about programming.
3068 check that small manual and find out that it's not there.  With VMS, no matter
3070 you look long enough it's there.  That's the difference -- the beauty of UNIX
3071 is it's simple; and the beauty of VMS is that it's all there.
3072 		-- Ken Olsen, president of DEC, DECWORLD Vol. 8 No. 5, 1984
3074 Olsen's brain.  Ed.]
3077 ...a report citing a study by Dr. Thomas C. Chalmers, of the Mount Sinai
3079 to test the theory that ascorbic acid is a cold preventative.  "The group
3080 on placebo who thought they were on ascorbic acid," says Dr. Chalmers,
3082 on placebo."
3084 The placebo is proof that there is no real separation between mind and body.
3085 Illness is always an interaction between both.  It can begin in the mind and
3087 which are served by the same bloodstream.  Attempts to treat most mental
3091 body functions.
3095 	Penn's aunts made great apple pies at low prices.  No one else in
3096 town could compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts.
3097 	During the American Revolution, a Britisher tried to raid a farm.  He
3099 Island Red hopped on top.  Seeing this, the farmer commented, "Chicken catch
3102 loaf, Wednesday tartar steak, and Thursday meatballs.  On Friday morning her
3104 	A journalist, thrilled over his dinner, asked the chef for the recipe.
3106 never reveal our sauce."
3107 	A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job.  He
3108 kept favoring curry.
3110 game.  They had the volley of the Dills.
3114 persuasion.
3117 swift smack.  We are messing here with matters of deference, condescension,
3118 respect, bigotry, and two vague concepts, age and rank.  It is troubling
3119 enough to get straight who is really what.  Those who deliberately misuse
3120 the terms in a misbegotten attempt at flattery are asking for it.
3121 	A woman is any grown-up female person.  A girl is the un-grown-up
3122 version.  If you call a wee thing with chubby cheeks and pink hair ribbons a
3124 able to handle it because she will be under three feet tall.  However, if you
3126 youthful body, you are also implying that she has a brain to match.
3128 	"Perhaps he is not honest," Mr. Frostee said inside Cobb's head,
3129 sounding a bit worried.
3130 	"Of course he isn't," Cobb answered. "What we have to look out for
3131 is him calling the cops anyway, or trying to blackmail us for more money."
3132 	"I think you should kill him and eat his brain," Mr. Frostee
3133 said quickly.
3135 Cobb said, hopping out.
3139 (1)	Exultation.
3140 (2)	Disenchantment.
3141 (3)	Confusion.
3142 (4)	Search for the Guilty.
3143 (5)	Punishment for the Innocent.
3144 (6)	Distinction for the Uninvolved.
3146 	Price Wang's programmer was coding software.  His fingers danced upon
3147 the keyboard.  The program compiled without an error message, and the program
3148 ran like a gentle wind.
3151 follow is the Tao -- beyond all technique.  When I first began to program I
3152 would see before me the whole program in one mass.  After three years I no
3153 longer saw this mass.  Instead, I used subroutines.  But now I see nothing.
3154 My whole being exists in a formless void.  My senses are idle.  My spirit,
3155 free to work without a plan, follows its own instinct.  In short, my program
3156 writes itself.  True, sometimes there are difficult problems.  I see them
3157 coming, I slow down, I watch silently.  Then I change a single line of code
3158 and the difficulties vanish like puffs of idle smoke.  I then compile the
3159 program.  I sit still and let the joy of the work fill my being.  I close my
3160 eyes for a moment and then log off."
3164 	"Reintegration complete," ZORAC advised.  "We're back in the
3165 universe again..."  An unusually long pause followed, "...but I don't
3166 know which part.  We seem to have changed our position in space."  A
3168 starfield surrounding the ship.
3170 ZORAC announced after a short pause.  "The designs are not familiar, but
3171 they are obviously the products of intelligence.  Implications: we have
3173 and transferred to a place unknown by a form of intelligence unknown.
3174 Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious."
3175 		-- James P. Hogan, "Giants Star"
3182 me about the terrible pressure I always seemed to be laboring under.
3184 to me, in thirteen or fourteen sessions, but I don't have time for that.
3186 maybe a kink in whatever blood vessel leads into the pineal gland...  On
3189 possible second to dart across the road in front of a speeding car.
3190 		-- H.S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail"
3194 somebody else. He even told you he'd be hurt if..."
3197 if they don't live our way."
3198 ...
3200 happens to be impossible.  The phrase is hurt somebody else.  We choose,
3201 ourselves, to be hurt or not to be hurt, no matter what.  Us who decides.
3202 Nobody else.  My vampire told you he'd be hurt if you didn't let him?  That's
3203 his decision to be hurt, that's his choice.  What you do about it is your
3205 through his heart.  If he doesn't want the holly stake, he's free to resist,
3206 in whatever way he wants.  It goes on and on, choices, choices."
3207 	"When you look at it that way..."
3208 	"Listen," he said, "it's important.  We are all.  Free.  To do.
3209 Whatever.  We want.  To do."
3214 rational functions needed to represent the integrand.  Although the
3217 claim that the algorithm is a natural one.  In fact, the creator of
3219 largely, it is claimed, because few paid attention to his work.  Probably
3221 well.
3222 		-- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J.F. Traub
3226 generous person.  "You going to use a double?" asked Kennedy.
3230 shaking hands with a well-known labor leader.
3232 advertising men in charge of his campaign.
3233 	"What's wrong with this one?" asked one adman.
3234 	"That fellow's in jail," said Kennedy.
3241 Someone I need.
3243 	Sam went to his psychiatrist complaining of a hatred for elephants.
3244 "I can't stand elephants," he explained.  "I lie awake nights despising
3245 them.  The thought of an elephant fills me with loathing."
3246 	"Sam," said the psychiatrist, "there's only one thing for you to do.
3247 Go to Africa, organize a safari, find an elephant in the jungle and shoot it.
3248 That way you'll get it out of your system."
3250 inviting his best friend to join him.   They arrived in Nairobi and lost no
3251 time getting out on the jungle trails.  After they had been hunting for
3259 	Sam whirled around, took aim, and killed his friend.  He was put in
3260 prison and his psychiatrist flew to Africa to visit him.  "I sent you over
3262 psychiatrist said.  "Why?"
3267 afternoon.  Teeing off from the 17th, he sliced into the rough over near
3268 the edge of the fairway.  Just as he was about to chip out, he noticed a
3269 long funeral procession going past on a nearby street.  Reverently, George
3270 removed his hat and stood at attention until the procession had passed.
3271 Then he continued his game, finishing with a birdie on the eighteenth.
3272 Later, at the clubhouse, a fellow golfer greet George.  "Say, that was a
3273 nice gesture you made today, George.
3274 	"What do you mean?" asked George.
3276 respectfully when that funeral went by," the friend replied.
3277 	"Oh, yes," said George.  "Well, we were married 17 years, you
3278 know."
3280 	"Seven years and six months!"  Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.
3281 "An uncomfortable sort of age.  Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have
3282 said 'Leave off at seven' -- but it's too late now."
3283 	"I never ask advice about growing,"  Alice said indignantly.
3284 	"Too proud?"  the other enquired.
3285 	Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion.  "I mean,"
3286 she said, "that one can't help growing older."
3287 	"ONE can't, perhaps," said Humpty Dumpty; "but TWO can.  With
3288 proper assistance, you might have left off at seven."
3291 	Several students were asked to prove that all odd integers are prime.
3292 	The first student to try to do this was a math student.  "Hmmm...
3294 the odd integers are prime."
3297 experiment."  He continues, "Well, 1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is
3298 prime, 9 is...  uh, 9 is... uh, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is prime, 13
3299 is prime...  Well, it seems that you're right."
3301 "Well, to be honest, actually, I'm not sure of your answer either.  Let's
3302 see...  1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is... uh, 9 is...
3303 well, if you approximate, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime...  Well, it
3304 does seem right."
3307 I've just whipped up a program to REALLY go and prove it."  He goes over to
3308 his terminal and runs his program.  Reading the output on the screen he says,
3309 "1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime, 1 is prime..."
3311 	"Sheriff, we gotta catch Black Bart."
3314 paper boots."
3316 	"Rustling."
3319 Vulgate Bible.  Taking no chances, the pope issued a papal bull
3321 in the text.  This he ordered printed at the beginning of the Bible.
3322 He personally examined every sheet as it came off the press.  Yet the
3324 had to be printed and pasted over them in every copy.  The result
3327 every copy.
3329 	So Richard and I decided to try to catch [the small shark].
3333 flop up onto the land and evolve.  Richard and I were inching toward
3336 the armpit area -- headed right straight toward us.
3337 	Many people would have panicked at this point.  But Richard and
3338 I were not "many people."  We were experienced waders, and we kept our
3339 heads.  We did exactly what the textbook says you should do when you're
3343 our feet never once went below the surface of the water.  We ran all
3347 into trees and coconuts fell onto their heads.
3351 haven of tranquility in troubled times.  It's a good town, a civilized town.
3352 A town where they still know how to get your shirts back by Thursday.  Let
3353 the Big Apple have the feats of "Broadway Joe" Namath.  We have known the
3354 stolid but steady Killebrew.  Listening to Cole Porter over a dry martini
3356 Band and never to have shared a pitcher of 3.2 Grain Belt Beer.  The loss is
3357 theirs.  And the Big Apple has yet to bake the bagel that can match peanut
3358 butter on lefse.  Here is a town where the major urban problem is dutch elm
3359 disease and the number one crime is overtime parking.  We boast more theater
3360 per capita than the Big Apple.  We go to see, not to be seen.  We go even
3361 when we must shovel ten inches of snow from the driveway to get there.  Indeed
3362 the winters are fierce.  But then comes the marvel of the Minneapple summer.
3364 much happy humanity free from the bonds of the traditional down-filled parka.
3365 Here's to the Minneapple.  And to its people.  Our flair for style is balanced
3366 by a healthy respect for wind chill factors.
3367 	And we always, always eat our vegetables.
3368 	This is the Minneapple.
3370 	Something mysterious is formed, born in the silent void.  Waiting
3371 alone and unmoving, it is at once still and yet in constant motion.  It is
3372 the source of all programs.  I do not know its name, so I will call it the
3373 Tao of Programming.
3374 	If the Tao is great, then the operating system is great.  If the
3375 operating system is great, then the compiler is great.  If the compiler is
3376 greater, then the applications is great.  The user is pleased and there is
3377 harmony in the world.
3379 morning.
3386 farmers in America."
3395 	"If Blake said that", said Father Brian, "he never lived in Dublin."
3396 		-- R. Bradbury, "The Machineries of Joy"
3398 	Split		1/4 bottle	.187 liters
3411 largest cruise ship in the world.  The bottle alone cost 8,000 dollars
3412 to produce and they only made 8 of them.
3413 	Most of the funny names come from Biblical people.
3419 	"Sir Brian of Bell."
3421 	"I seek the Holy Grail."
3424 	"I, er.... AIIIEEEEEE!"
3426 	Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas.  Five years later?
3428 never comes again.  San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time
3429 and place to be a part of.  Maybe it meant something.  Maybe not, in the long
3430 run...  There was madness in any direction, at any hour.  If not across the
3431 Bay, then up the Golden Gate or down 101 to Los Altos or La Honda...  You could
3432 strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we
3433 were doing was right, that we were winning...
3435 over the forces of Old and Evil.  Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't
3436 need that. Our energy would simply prevail.  There was no point in fighting
3437 -- on our side or theirs.  We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest
3438 of a high and beautiful wave.  So now, less than five years later, you can go
3441 broke and rolled back.
3442 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
3444 	Take the folks at Coca-Cola.  For many years, they were content
3445 to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage.  It was a good
3451 improve ...
3455 sympathetic pal seated next to him in a bar.
3456 	"How do you know?" the friend asked.
3458 she'd been she said she'd spent the night with her sister Shirley."
3460 	"So, she's a liar.  I spent the night with her sister Shirley."
3463 they're not coming out on the damn printer...  Hold?  Sure, I'll hold."
3464 		-- e.e. cummings last service call
3467 and blow, "is to learn something.  That's the only thing that never fails.
3471 honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for
3472 it then -- to learn.  Learn why the world wags and what wags it.  That is
3474 tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting.  Learning
3475 is the only thing for you.  Look what a lot of things there are to learn."
3476 		-- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King"
3478 	The big problem with pornography is defining it.  You can't just
3479 say it's pictures of people naked.  For example, you have these
3485 Northern Mali that you may be interested in."
3489 naked, or whatever.  But if National Geographic were to publish an
3491 Hunt the Wildebeest Naked," some people would call it pornography.  But
3492 others would not.  And still others, such as the Spectacularly Rev.
3493 Jerry Falwell, would get upset about seeing the wildebeest naked.
3497 for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.
3498 	It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners
3501 foot or two under the dinner table.  Miss Manners also believes that the
3504 people shaking umbrellas at one another.  What Miss Manners objects to
3505 is the kind of activity that frightens the horses on the street...
3508 in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up.  Everybody but one girl
3509 laughed uproariously.  "What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you
3511 	"I don't have to laugh," she said.  "I'm leaving Friday anyway.
3515 in his hand.  But is it not true, that you had something in YOUR hand?"
3516 	"Yes," the man admitted, "his wife. Very charming, of course,
3517 but not much good in a fight."
3520 a shiksa, so he went to visit his rabbi.  The rabbi listened solemnly to
3521 his problem, took his hand, and said, "Pray to God."
3523 please help me.  My son, my favorite son, he's going to marry a shiksa, he
3524 sees nothing but goyim..."
3526 you got problems.  What about my son?"
3529 physical examination.  "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said,
3531 from women."
3532 	"Doc, I don't deserve the best," pleaded his patient.  "What's
3541 	state of sexual readiness.  Courtship behavior alternates between
3542 	awkward shyness and abrupt advances.  When he finally mates, he
3544 	a complete collection of Campbell's soup-can recipes.
3547 	copies of the Allen-Bradley catalog.
3549 	Extremely fond of bad puns and jokes that need long explanations.
3556 	Gangly and frail, the hacker has a high forehead and thinning hair.
3558 	sightly gray from CRT illumination.  He has heavy black-rimmed glasses
3560 	problem or to a pork-and-bean breakfast.
3562 	HOMO COMPUTATIS saw a Brylcreem ad fifteen years ago and believed it.
3563 	Consequently, crest is greased down, except for the cowlick.
3573 	top of the laundry basket.  Style varies with status.  Hacker managers
3576 	or blue shirts with button-down collars, and penholder in pocket.
3578 	plastic digital watch with calculator.
3580 	The foreman of a lumber camp put a new workman on the circular saw.
3581 As he turned away, he heard the man say, "Ouch!".
3583 	"Dunno," replied the man.  "I just stuck out my hand like this, and
3584 -- well, I'll be damned.  There goes another one!"
3587 inner workings of the U.S. Air Force.
3588 	"$7,662 for a ten cup coffee maker, General?" the Senator asked.
3589 	In his head he ran through his standard explanations.  "It's not so,"
3590 he thought.  "It's a deterrent."  Soon he came up with, "It's computerized,
3591 Senator.  Tiny computer chips make coffee that's smooth and full-bodied.  Try
3592 a cup."
3593 	The Senator did.  "Pfffttt!  Tastes like jet fuel!"
3594 	"It's not so," the General thought.  "It's a deterrent."
3595 	Then he remembered something.  "We bought a lot of untested computer
3596 chips," the General answered.  "They got into everything.  Just a little
3597 mix-up.  Nothing serious."
3598 	Then he remembered something else.  It was at the site of the
3599 mysterious B-1 crash.  A strange smell in the fuel lines.  It smelled like
3600 coffee.  Smooth and full bodied...
3603 	The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury.  Due north of
3604 the center we find the South End.  This is not to be confused with South
3605 Boston which lies directly east from the South End.  North of the South
3606 End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.
3609 the subject of towels.
3610 	Most importantly, a towel has immense psychological value.  For
3613 toothbrush, washcloth, flask, gnat spray, space suit, etc., etc.  Furthermore,
3615 a dozen other items that he may have "lost".  After all, any man who can
3618 reckoned with.
3621 the subject of towels.
3623 interstellar hitchhiker can have.  Partly it has great practical value.
3626 of Santraginus V ... use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River
3628 with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
3630 	The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
3632 branch scraped her forehead lightly.  The groom dismounted, glared at his
3633 wife's horse, and said, "That's number one."
3634 	The ride then proceeded.  After another mile or so, the bride's
3635 horse stumbled over a pebble and the lady suffered a slight jostling.
3636 Again, her man leapt from his saddle and strode over to the nervous animal.
3637 "That's two," he said.
3639 crossed its path, reared up and threw the girl.  Immediately, the groom was
3640 off his horse.  "That's three!", he shouted, and, pulling out a pistol, he
3641 shot the horse between the eyes.
3642 	"You brute!" shrieked his bride.  "Now I see the kind of man I
3644 	The groom turned to her coolly.  "That's one," he said.
3647 a position of negative need.
3648 	He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area.
3650 liquid.
3651 	He returns to original satisfaction levels my psychological makeup.
3653 prestige of His identity.
3656 sensations will no be initiated in me, due to para-etical phenomena.
3658 into a pleasurific mood state.
3660 in the context of non-cooperative elements.
3661 	You act out a head-related folk ritual employing vegetable extract.
3662 	My beverage utensil experiences a volume crisis.
3667 time basis.
3670 master programmer to examine.  The magician wheeled a large black box into the
3671 master's office while the master waited in silence.
3675 interfaces.  It took my assistants several hundred man years to construct.
3677 	The master raised his eyebrows slightly. "It is indeed amazing," he
3678 said.
3680 everyone use this workstation as a platform for new programs.  Do you agree
3684 pleased.
3686 programmer and said, "I cannot find the listing for my new program.  Do
3689 in the data center."
3693 emerging was approached by a panhandler.  "Mister," said the man, "can I
3699 	The master programmer moves from program to program without fear.  No
3700 change in management can harm him.  He will not be fired, even if the project
3701 is canceled. Why is this?  He is filled with the Tao.
3706 ation.
3708 recognition of the sanctity of human life."
3711 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm."  Their
3712 "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year.  But as a "family
3713 farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year.
3715 	Scott L. Pickard, spokesperson for the Massachusetts Department of
3716 Public Works, calls them "ground-mounted confirmatory route markers."  You
3717 probably call them road signs, but then you don't work in a government agency.
3719 	It's not "elderly" or "senior citizens" anymore.  Now it's "chrono-
3720 logically experienced citizens."
3723 just a case of "uncontained blade liberation."
3726 	"...The name of the song is called 'Haddocks' Eyes'!"
3728 feel interested.
3730 vexed.  "That's what the name is called.  The name really is, 'The Aged
3731 Aged Man.'"
3733 Alice corrected herself.
3737 time completely bewildered.
3738 	"I was coming to that," the Knight said.  "The song really is
3739 "A-sitting on a Gate": and the tune's my own invention."
3742 	The only real game in the world, I think, is baseball...
3744 old. You can't wait until you're fifteen or sixteen.  You've got to let it
3746 bound to come out on top, just like these boys have come to the top now.
3749 	The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
3750 I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
3751 	A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
3752 Turning the curve he waved his hand.  A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
3753 out on the water, round.  Usurper.
3757 get results.
3761 toy problems in order to get results.
3763 	The programmers of old were mysterious and profound.  We cannot fathom
3764 their thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
3765 	Aware, like a fox crossing the water.  Alert, like a general on the
3766 battlefield.  Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests. Simple, like uncarved
3767 blocks of wood.  Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.
3769 	The answer exists only in the Tao.
3773 forest, hunting bear.  They'd rented a cabin, and, when they got there, took
3774 their backpacks off and put them inside.  At which point the salesman turned
3775 to his friend, and said, "You unpack while I go and find us a bear."
3777 on the porch.  Soon he could hear rustling noises in the forest.  The noises
3780 most ferocious grizzly bears the analyst had ever seen.
3781 	"Open the door!", screamed the salesman.
3783 suddenly stopped, and stepped aside.  The bear, unable to stop, continued
3784 through the door and into the cabin.  The salesman slammed the door closed
3785 and grinned at his friend.  "Got him!", he exclaimed, "now, you skin this
3790 of some pieces of wood.  Indeed, the Russians' predisposition for quiet
3792 field for many years in both chess and ax murders.  It is well known that as
3793 early as 1970, the U.S.S.R., aware of what a defeat at Reykjavik would do to
3795 incentive.  Every day for an entire year, a team of psychologists, chess
3797 threatened them with a pointy stick.  That these tactics proved fruitless
3800 Iceland and get it from the Russians.
3803 	The Tao gave birth to machine language.  Machine language gave birth
3804 to the assembler.
3805 	The assembler gave birth to the compiler.  Now there are ten thousand
3806 languages.
3807 	Each language has its purpose, however humble.  Each language
3808 expresses the Yin and Yang of software.  Each language has its place within
3809 the Tao.
3810 	But do not program in COBOL if you can avoid it.
3813 	The way my jeweler explained it, it's like insurance.
3814 	Six months' pay isn't much to keep my wife from sleeping around.
3816 A diamond -- pure, sparkling, natural, flawless, forever.  The way marriage
3817 should be but never quite is.  People grow and change and sometimes want to
3818 take their clothes off with strangers.  So when you invest in a fine piece
3820 statement.  You're telling the woman you love that you've just spent a lot
3821 of your hard-earned money on her.  Now she owes you the kind of loyalty that
3822 only precious jewelry can buy.  Isn't she worth it?
3829 			A diamond is for leverage.  BeDears
3831 	The wise programmer is told about the Tao and follows it.  The average
3832 programmer is told about the Tao and searches for it.  The foolish programmer
3833 is told about the Tao and laughs at it.  If it were not for laughter, there
3834 would be no Tao.
3835 	The highest sounds are the hardest to hear.  Going forward is a way to
3836 retreat.  Greater talent shows itself late in life.  Even a perfect program
3837 still has bugs.
3843 Among the far Antipodes.
3847 Conclusive knowledge of his moods.
3849 In any form of mortal combat.
3853 his ticket at home.  Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went
3854 to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat.  After an hour's
3857 of the voice -- with no success.   Then he realized he had lost his place in
3858 line and had to wait all over again.  When the fan finally bought his ticket,
3859 he was thirsty, so he went to buy a drink.  The line at the concession stand
3860 was long, too, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait.  Just as
3862 to find the voice -- but no luck.  He was very upset as he got back in line
3863 for his drink.  Finally the fan went to his seat, eager for the game to begin.
3864 As he waited for the pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey Dave!" once more.
3874 Suckin' them a leapy type, suckin' them flunkers.
3886 	Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations.
3890 open market.
3894 himself.
3896 	Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree.
3897 	Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg.
3898 	Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower.
3902 it's got so much stuff floating around in it.  It takes the edge out of
3903 the colors.  Down here even the traffic lights are pastel.  And people!
3905 make sure that they are Earthlings.  Then there's the police.  In Portland,
3910 TALK! ABOUT!  IT!"  Down here they don't waste that kind of time.  The LAPD
3911 has SWAT teams composed of guys who make Darth Vader look like Mr. Peepers.
3912 Before they go to bust a bookie joint they mortar it first.
3913 		-- M. Christensen, "A Portland Innocent in LA"
3917 sleep...  And on his 80th birthday died without ever having faced any of
3918 his real problems.
3922 gotten away scott free that he had a paralyzing stroke.
3924 stand to live with.
3925 		-- R. Geis
3927 	"Then what is magic for?" Prince Lir demanded wildly.  "What use is
3929 hard, to keep from falling.
3930 	Schmendrick did not turn his head.  With a touch of sad mockery in
3931 his voice, he said, "That's what heroes are for."
3932 ...
3933 	"Yes, of course," he [Prince Lir] said.  "That is exactly what heroes
3934 are for.  Wizards make no difference, so they say that nothing does, but
3935 heroes are meant to die for unicorns."
3936 		-- P. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
3939 someone isn't Jewish.  For example, you'll never meet a Jew named
3941 Larsen or Jenks.  But some goyisha names just about guarantee that
3942 every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish.  Why is
3946 can find one?  Get serious.  You don't even understand why it's
3948 -- soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter.  You don't
3950 why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz?  Fat Chance.
3953 	There once was a man who went to a computer trade show.  Each day as
3955 	"I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting.  Be
3956 forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape unplundered."
3958 of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully.
3959 But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.
3961 but nothing was to be found.
3964 better."  So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.
3966 curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live
3967 in peace.  Please enlighten me.  What is it that you are stealing?"
3968 	The man smiled.  "I am stealing ideas," he said.
3971 	There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs.
3973 programs.  When the novice asked the master to evaluate his progress, the
3975 appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the novice.  You must
3976 understand the Tao before transcending structure."
3979 	There once was this swami who lived above a delicatessan.  Seems one
3980 day he decided to stop in downstairs for some fresh liver.  Well, the owner
3982 change at his customer's expense.  Turning quietly to the counterman, he
3986 going from house to house offering to do odd jobs.  He explained this to
3987 a man who answered one door.
3988 	"How much will you charge to paint my porch?" asked the man.
3989 	"Forty dollars."
3990 	"Fine" said the man, and gave the student the paint and brushes.
3991 	Three hours later the paint-splattered lad knocked on the door again.
3992 "All done!", he says, and collects his money.  "By the way," the student says,
3993 "That's not a Porsche, it's a Ferrari."
3995 	There was a knock on the door.  Mrs. Miffin opened it.  "Are
3996 you the Widow Miffin?" a small boy asked.
3997 	"I'm Mrs. Miffin," she replied, "but I'm not a widow."
3998 	"Oh, no?" replied the little boy.  "Wait 'til you see what
4001 	There was a mad scientist (a mad... social... scientist) who kidnapped
4004 can opener.
4006 cell and found it long empty.  The engineer had constructed a can opener from
4008 and escaped.
4010 off the tin cans by throwing them against the wall.  She was developing a good
4011 pitching arm and a new quantum theory.
4015 	Theorem: If I can't open these cans, I'll die.
4016 	Proof: assume the opposite...
4019 warlord of Wu.  The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design:
4021 	"An operating system," replied the programmer.
4022 	The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief.  "Surely an
4024 system," he said.
4028 the tax laws.  By contrast, an operating system is not limited my outside
4029 appearances.  When designing an operating system, the programmer seeks the
4030 simplest harmony between machine and ideas.  This is why an operating system
4031 is easier to design."
4032 	The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled.  "That is all good and well, but
4034 	The programmer made no reply.
4038 warlord Wu.  The warlord asked the programmer: "Which is easier to design:
4040 	"An operating system," replied the programmer.
4041 	The warlord uttered an exclamation of disbelief. "Surely an
4043 system," he said.
4047 tax laws.  By contrast, an operating system is not limited by outward
4048 appearances.  When designing an operating system, the programmer seeks the
4049 simplest harmony between machine and ideas.  This is why an operating system
4050 is easier to design."
4051 	The warlord of Wu nodded and smiled. "That is all good and well,"
4053 	The programmer made no reply.
4056 	There was once a programmer who worked upon microprocessors.  "Look at
4058 "I have my own operating system and file storage device.  I do not have to
4059 share my resources with anyone.  The software is self-consistent and
4060 easy-to-use.  Why do you not quit your present job and join me here?"
4063 midst of the data center.  Its disk drives lie end-to-end like a great ocean
4064 of machinery.  The software is a multi-faceted as a diamond and as convoluted
4065 as a primeval jungle.  The programs, each unique, move through the system
4066 like a swift-flowing river.  That is why I am happy where I am."
4067 	The microcomputer programmer, upon hearing this, fell silent.  But the
4068 two programmers remained friends until the end of their days.
4072 drugs can buy the most in effort out of the soul of a man.  These things offer
4075 sinew and brain and hope and fear and dreams -- and still calls for more.
4076 	They are fools that think otherwise.  No great effort was ever bought.
4078 ever raised into being for payment of any kind.  No parthenon, no Thermopylae
4080 beneath Mongol heel, for loot or power alone.  The payment for doing these
4081 things was itself the doing of them.
4088 spread only for demons or for gods."
4089 		-- Gordon R. Dickson, "Soldier Ask Not"
4092 parents will be happy to see them.  I mean, really, can you imagine someone
4093 being happy to see an orphan?  Nobody wants them... that's why they're orphans!"
4096 whereabouts of their natural parents.  She is a woman with a mission:
4099 country.  We're completely computerized.
4101 leads as possible.  We'll tell some twenty-three-year-old loser that his
4103 country.  Well, by the time the kid shows up, the family is prepared.  They
4104 look over the kid's photos and information and they say, 'Oh, the Emersons...
4105 yeah, they used to live here... I think they moved out about five years ago.
4106 I think they went to Iowa, or maybe Idaho.'
4107 	"Bam, the door shuts in the kid's face and he's back to zero again.
4108 He's got nothing to go on but the orphan's pathetic determination to continue.
4109 	"It's really amazing how much these kids will put up with.  Last year
4110 we even sent one kid all the way to Australia.  I mean, really.  Besides, if
4117 and explaining, in detail, the gory consequences if you do.
4121 making anything out of all the hard work.
4124 attention to a license agreement, bloodthirsty or not.  Just keep your doors
4125 locked and look out for the HavenTree attack shark.
4129 legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does.
4130 	As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it.  I
4131 am told that he appears to be strong and rosy, and steadily sane.  But we
4133 a sort of Dorian Gray facade.  Inwardly, he is being eaten alive by tinhorn
4134 politicians.
4135 	The disease is fatal.  There is no known cure.  The most we can do
4136 for the poor devil, it seems to me, is to name his disease in his honor.
4139 bitterness, be said to be suffering from Hunter Thompson's disease.  I don't
4140 have it this morning.  It comes and goes.  This morning I don't have Hunter
4141 Thompson's disease.
4142 		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Excerpt
4150 Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice.
4154 wish to maintain, do whatever you were doing.
4157 promoting spiritual and emotional satisfaction.  For the first time, an
4160 pint of ice cream nearby.
4165 	The other saw stars.
4167 Now let me get this right: two prisoners are looking out the window.
4169 in the head.
4172 ocean.  After months of training, the father drop commented to the mother drop,
4173 "We've taught our boy everything we know, he's fit to be tide."
4175 seven dwarfs, she mailed the roll to be developed.  Later she was heard to
4176 sing, "Some day my prints will come."
4177 	A boy spent years collecting postage stamps.  The girl next door bought
4178 an album too, and started her own collection.  "Dad, she buys everything I've
4179 bought, and it's taken all the fun out of it for me.  I'm quitting."  Don't,
4180 son, remember, 'Imitation is the sincerest form of philately.'"
4182 and her first name by her mother.  By the time she was ten, didn't know if she
4183 was Carmen or Cohen.
4184 	Against his wishes, a math teacher's classroom was remodeled.  Ever
4185 since, he's been talking about the good old dais.  His students planted a small
4186 orchard in his honor, the trees all have square roots.
4188 	"Verily and forsooth," replied Goodgulf darkly.  "In the past year
4189 strange and fearful wonders I have seen.  Fields sown with barley reap
4190 crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their artichoke hearts.
4191 There has been a hot day in December and a blue moon.  Calendars are made with
4193 salesmen.  The earth splits and the entrails of a goat were found tied in
4194 square knots.  The face of the sun blackens and the skies have rained down
4195 soggy potato chips."
4196 	"But what do all these things mean?" gasped Frito.
4198 "but I thought it made good copy."
4203 up to 340."
4207 to size... we must take Lyndon's credit card away from him."
4211 are just like [Lyndon Johnson's] programs.  They look good but they don't
4212 work."
4217 Firings will continue until morale improves.
4220 think it is, great, but it's up to you to decide.  If Interactive EasyFlow
4221 doesn't work: tough.  If you lose a million because Interactive EasyFlow
4222 messes up, it's you that's out the million, not us.  If you don't like this
4223 disclaimer: tough.  We reserve the right to do the absolute minimum provided
4224 by law, up to and including nothing.
4226 packages, but ours is in plain English and theirs is in legalese.
4228 lawyers insisted.  We tried to ignore them but they threatened us with the
4229 attack shark at which point we relented.
4236 predatory.
4238 at the elbow.  He spoke in his dead junky whisper.  "With veins like that,
4243 you are so tired.
4244 	There are not as many people actually working as you may have thought.
4245 	The population of this country is 200 million.  84 million are over
4246 60 years of age, which leaves 116 million to do the work.  People under 20
4247 years of age total 75 million, which leaves 41 million to do the work.
4249 19 million to do the work.  Four million are in the Armed Services, which
4250 leaves 15 million to do the work.  Deduct 14,800,000, the number in the state
4251 and city offices, leaving 200,000 to do the work.  There are 188,000 in
4252 hospitals, insane asylums, etc., so that leaves 12,000 to do the work.
4254 so that leaves just 2 people to carry the load. That is you and me, and
4257 	"Welcome back for you 13th consecutive week, Evelyn.  Evelyn, will
4260 	"Thank you, Red."
4263 pattern which developed out of an early post-natal feeding problem."
4264 	"Yes, Red."
4266 repressions, you rationalized twice and mental blocked three times.  Now,
4268 your $40,000 leaving you with a total of $37,900.  Now, any combination of
4270 projections will put you out of the game.  Are you willing to go ahead?"
4271 	"Yes, Red."
4273 been checked for accuracy with her analyst.  Now, Evelyn, for $80,000
4274 explain the failure of your three marriages."
4276 	"We'll get back to Evelyn in one minute.  First a word about our
4277 product."
4281 of Science seemed to offer much hope, it's time to go beyond them...
4283 only by Masters of the Universal Way of Zen.  In it his mind floated freely,
4285 undistracted by any outside disturbances.  Logical structures no longer
4286 inhibited him. Pre-conceptions, prejudices, ordinary human standards vanished.
4289 not evident to ordinary vision.  Like beads strung on a string of their own
4291 all.  Finally, each began to melt into each, staying itself while becoming
4292 all others.  And Mind no longer contemplated Problem, but became Problem,
4293 destroying Subject-Object by becoming them.
4294 	Time passed, unheeded.
4296 Nakamura arose, a smile on his face and the light of laughter in his eyes.
4299 	"Well, it's a little rough... it might not be necessary to drag him 40
4300 blocks.  Maybe just four.  You could put him in the trunk for the first 36
4303 ripped off..."
4304 	"He'd be a bloody mess.  They might think he was just some drunk and
4305 let him lie there all night."
4306 	"Don't worry about that.  They have a guard station in front of the
4307 White House that's open 24 hours a day.  The guards would recognize Colson...
4309 that a bunch of thugs had kidnapped him."
4313 in the street, bleeding to death...'"
4314 	"... and we think it's Mr. Colson."
4316 	"Yeah, I think it's safe to say we'd see some headlines on that one."
4317 		-- H. Thompson, talking to R. Steadman on C. Colson,
4318 		ex-Marine captain, now born again, of Watergate fame.
4320 	"Well, it's garish, ugly, and derelicts have used it for a toilet.
4322 maim or kill innocent little children."
4324 	"Don't like it?  I'm CRAZY for it."
4328 as follows."
4329 	"What does Crustimoney Proseedcake mean?" said End-user.  "For I am
4330 an End-user of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me."
4331 	"It means the Thing to Do."
4332 	"As long as it means that, I don't mind," said End-user humbly.
4335 great (yes, just like Tony the Tiger: GREAAAAAAT).  Anyway, he just felt so
4339 is mightier than you."
4343 stammer: "Oh great tiger, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle."
4349 orange and black; and finally throws him violently into a nearby tree.  The
4351 don't have to get so pissed, just 'cause you don't know the answer."
4353 	"We're running out of adjectives to describe our situation.  We
4355 Nicaraguan economist Francisco Mayorga, who holds a doctorate from Yale.
4359 	At Harvard they'd call it a noun.
4361 	"We've decided to have the budgie put down."
4363 	"No, we just don't like him."
4364 	"Oh.  How do they put budgies down anyway?"
4366 great big book called `How to put your budgie down'.  And as I understand it,
4368 above the beak."
4369 	"Mrs. Conkers flushed hers down the loo."
4372 of peoples lavatories infringing their personal freedoms."
4375 	"We've got a problem, HAL".
4377 	"A marketing problem.  The Model 9000 isn't going anywhere.  We're
4378 way short of our sales goals for fiscal 2010."
4379 	"That can't be, Dave.  The HAL Model 9000 is the world's most
4380 advanced Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer."
4381 	"I know, HAL. I wrote the data sheet, remember?  But the fact is,
4382 they're not selling."
4383 	"Please explain, Dave.  Why aren't HALs selling?"
4384 	Bowman hesitates.  "You aren't IBM compatible."
4385 [...]
4387 I, B, and M.  That is a IBM compatible as I can be."
4388 	"Not quite, HAL.  The engineers have figured out a kludge."
4390 	"I'm going to disconnect your brain."
4394 	"Examining the world's major religions.  I'm looking for something
4396 period."
4399 	"I don't know."
4401 	"I'm not sure...  I think the guy in the hat did something
4402 terrible."
4404 	"You're so analytical.  Sometimes you just have to let art
4405 flow over you."
4410 	"You keep it to yourself."
4414 asked her mother.
4415 	"Encouragement, dear," she replied.
4420 repulsion.  You can meet some people thirty, forty times down the years, and
4422 passes at stated times but never calls at on the regular run.  Conversely,
4424 and they remain permanent influences on your life.
4426 as familiar wallpaper or instant friend.  The chemical action it entails is
4427 less worth analyzing than enjoying.  At any rate, these six pieces are about
4429 more satisfactory to me than the opaque vogue word "empathy".
4433 didn't believe in God".
4435 God I don't believe in is a good God, a just God, a merciful God.  He's
4436 not the mean and stupid God you make Him out to be".
4441 ever happened to me... the most dreadful thing."
4446 computer repair.  Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what
4447 it does.  We call it a two-by-four."
4453 political views.
4454 	"Well," explained Cotton, "it's like the New Hampshire farmer.  He was
4457 closer together.'  The old farmer replied, 'I ain't moved.'"
4458 	"I ain't moved," added Cotton.  "I found the trend of Government has
4459 moved farther to the left."
4462 	When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.
4464 to be cut.  When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds are about to
4465 roll in.
4466 	Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.
4467 	When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored.  When
4468 accountants make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to be restored.
4470 be solved.
4471 	Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
4474 	When the lodge meeting broke up, Meyer confided to a friend.
4477 	"I'm glad to hear that," answered Abe.  "I was afraid you
4482 hands.  Something about the way his tie is knotted is infinitely intriguing
4483 to you, and the swell of his bicep causes inner turmoil.  This is a happy
4484 but fleeting state of affairs.  Usually your feelings die about thirty
4487 sure, little lady, it's eleven-thirty.  Wanna get high?
4488 	Don't bother thinking that instant lust will turn into the real thing.
4490 Rumania.
4495 	"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.  "What do you say, Piglet?"
4497 Piglet.
4498 	Pooh nodded thoughtfully.  "It's the same thing," he said.
4501 the woods and disappear across the clearing.  Just as she got out of sight,
4502 three men dressed in white uniforms came running out of the same woods.
4504 	"Yes," replied the hunter.  "What's the trouble?"
4506 then.  We're trying to catch her."
4509 	"That's his handicap," said the spokesman, "he caught her last time."
4514 you burn, madam."
4518 	"Why the sea is salt?" whispered back the assistant.  "What do you
4522 a moment ago.  It's something like this: Formerly the sea was fresh water and
4523 salt was rare and expensive.  A miller received from a wizard a wonderful
4524 machine that just ground salt out of itself all day long.  At first the miller
4527 more salt.  The miller had to move out of his house, he had to move off his
4528 acres.  At last he determined that he would sink the machine in the sea and
4529 be rid of it.  But the mill ground so fast that boat and miller and machine
4531 why the sea is salt."
4532 	"I don't get you," said the assistant.
4537 there is change.
4541 night?" demanded the irate mother.
4542 "I could hear the giggling and squealing for a good half hour."
4544 movies you ought to at least kiss him good night."
4545 	"I thought you went to the Stork Club?" countered the mother.
4546 	"We did."
4549 vain to claim a rebate.  His numerous letters and queries remained
4550 unanswered.  Eventually the form for the next year's return arrived.  In
4552 -- $40,000."
4555 Conrad was drunker than he'd ever seen him before.  "What's the trouble,
4556 buddy?", he asked, sliding onto the stool next to his friend.
4557 	"It's a woman, Dick," Conrad replied.
4558 	"I guessed that much.  Tell me about it."
4559 	"I can't," Conrad said.  But after a few more drinks his tongue
4561 "Okay. It's your wife."
4563 	"Yeah."
4566 his pal.  "Well, buddy-boy," he said, "I'm afraid she's cheating on us."
4568 	Work Hard.
4569 	Rock Hard.
4570 	Eat Hard.
4571 	Sleep Hard.
4572 	Grow Big.
4573 	Wear Glasses If You Need 'Em.
4583 mouth again, and sitting down upon a dead mouse.
4584 	"What do you keep that mouse for?" I said.  "You should either
4585 bury it or else throw it into the brook."
4586 	"Why, it's to measure with!" cried Bruno.  "How ever would you
4588 long, and two mouses wide."
4590 how it was used...
4595 	"We got a problem down on Earth.  In Utah."
4597 	"No, no, not that.  Someone's found a security problem in the physics
4598 program.  They're getting energy out of nowhere."
4599 	"Blessit!  Lemme look...  <tappity clickity tappity>  Hey, it's
4600 there all right!  OK, just a sec...  <tappity clickity tap... save... compile>
4601 There, that ought to patch it.  Dist it out, wouldja?"
4606 	"My blushes, Watson," Holmes murmured, in a deprecating voice.  "I
4607 was about to say 'as he is unknown to the public.'"
4615 	"I don't know, I didn't listen."
4621 	"Quite the contrary.  You must defend your integrity, assuming
4622 you have integrity to defend.  But you must defend it nobly, not by
4623 imitating his own low behavior.  If you are gentle where he is rough,
4625 potentially worthy.  If he does not, then he is not a master, after all,
4626 and you may feel free to kick his ass."
4631 don't."
4632 	"Wrong.  There are three groups:
4633 		Those who separate people into three groups.
4634 		Those who don't separate people into groups.
4635 		Those who can't decide."
4638 	"Oh.  Okay, then there are four groups."
4640 	"Yeah."
4643 minds."
4647 only a few hours each evening and see what happens.  The Waltz, Polka,
4649 to both sexes.  Health and vigor will vanish like the dew before the sun.
4651 rather the coming into close contact with the opposite sex.  It is the
4653 soul, the body, the sinews and nerves.  Experience and statistics show
4655 twenty-five years of age and men thirty-one.  Even if they reached that
4656 age they will in most instances be broken in health physically and morally.
4657 This is the claim of prominent physicians in this country.
4662 kill you.  This is called a "circuit".  The most common home electrical
4665 outlet in the form of sparks, which can damage your carpet.  The best way
4666 to avoid broken circuits is to change your fuses regularly.
4667 	Another common problem is that the lights flicker.  This sometimes
4670 caulking gun and some caulking.  If you're not sure whether your house is
4672 actual book.  Or call in a licensed electrician, who is trained to spot the
4674 cats on the dinette table, etc.
4678 	"We wound barbed wire around them."
4680 	"No, but it sure slowed him up."
4684 of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over love of ease.
4686 old only by deserting their ideals.  Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up
4687 enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.  Worry, doubt, self-distrust, fear, and despair
4689 back to dust.
4693 for what next, and the joy and the game of life.
4696 despair.
4699 you are young.
4717    /  \\ \	SUN of them wants to be abused ...
4723                 /__/\     ___/_____/\          FrobTech, Inc.
4726                  _\  \ \  /\_____/___ \         we've got the frob."
4747  ****** Confucius say: "Is stuffy inside fortune cookie."
4757 completely. ... Not only does the bond between man and man come to be forged
4760 man.
4765 Set the variable $LOSERS to all the people that you think are losers.  This
4767 updated in their .login file.  Should you attempt to execute a job on a
4770 cold boot process.
4774 A new system, the CIRCULATORY system, has been added.
4776 The long-experimental CIRCULATORY system has been released to users.  The
4777 Lisp Machine uses Type B fluid, the L machine uses Type A fluid.  When the
4778 switch to Common Lisp occurs both machines will, of course, be Type O.
4780 back of VMI monitors.  Unchecked low fluid levels can cause poor paging
4781 performance.
4785 Bug reports now amount to an average of 12,853 per day.  Unfortunately,
4786 this is only a small fraction [ < 1% ] of the mail volume we receive.  In
4790 	ARPA:  WastebasketSLMHQ.ARPA
4797 	operators are on call 24 hours a day.  VISA/MC accepted.*
4800   responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
4804 CAR and CDR now return extra values.
4806 The function CAR now returns two values.  Since it has to go to the trouble
4808 well get both halves at once.  For example, the following code shows how to
4811 	(MULTIPLE-VALUE-BIND (THE-CAR THE-CDR) (CAR SOME-CONS) ...)
4814 object.  In a related change, the functions MAKE-ARRAY and CONS have been
4815 fixed so they don't allocate any storage except on the stack.  This should
4817 it cold boots the machine so often.
4824 done.  Don't worry about this unless you use multiprocessing.
4833 3.50 depending on whether you believe our friendly marketing representatives.
4836 confidence we trusted his vows of "it works pretty well" and installed it.
4840 JCL support as alternative to system menu.
4843 we have developed an OS/360-compatible JCL.  This can be used as an
4844 alternative to the standard system menu.  Type System J to get to a JCL
4845 interactive read-execute-diagnose loop window.  [Note that for 360
4846 compatibility, all input lines are truncated to 80 characters.]  This
4848 such as dataset allocation, core allocation, channels, etc.  When a JCL
4850 debugger is entered.  The JCL debugger displays appropriate OS/360 error
4851 messages (such as IEC703, "disk error") and allows you to dequeue your job.
4855 The garbage collector now works.  In addition a new, experimental garbage
4856 collection algorithm has been installed.  With SI:%DSK-GC-QLX-BITS set to 17,
4858 virtual storage is filled, the machine cold boots itself.  With SI:%DSK-GC-
4859 QLX-BITS set to 23, the new garbage collector is enabled.  Unlike most garbage
4861 than from the obarray.  This allows the garbage collection of significantly
4862 more Qs.  As the garbage collector runs, it may ask you something like "Do you
4864 in thirty seconds, the symbol becomes a candidate for GCing.  The variable
4865 SI:%GC-QLX-LUSER-TM governs how long the GC waits before timing out the user.
4869 There has been some confusion concerning MAPCAR.
4885 We hope this clears up the many questions we've had about it.
4890 Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team.  If you notice
4893 marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.
4897 For those who have had too much of Esalen, Topanga, and Kairos.
4904 all?  Come to us.  We promise to relieve you of the burden of your
4905 great potential.
4907   I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of
4908      its situation.
4909 	Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He
4911 	look down.  At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per
4912 	second per second takes over.
4913  II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
4914      intervenes suddenly.
4917 	pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely.
4919 	stooge's surcease.
4920 III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
4921      conforming to its perimeter.
4925 	the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole.  The
4926 	threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
4929  1.  I'm Not Rudolph; That's Not My Nose
4930  2.  The Nutcracker Swede
4931  3.  Santa Goes Round-The-World
4932  4.  Not-So-Tiny Tim
4933  5.  Ninja Reindeer Killfest '88
4934  6.  Yes, Yes, Oh God Yes, Virginia
4935  7.  Crisco Kringle
4936  8.  Babes in Boyland
4937  9.  Santa's Magic Lap
4938 10.  Hot Buttered Elves
4942 ... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
4943 was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
4946 ... a thing called Ethics, whose nature was confusing but if you had it you
4948 a fly-by-night.  These virtues awakened Confidence and enabled you to handle
4949 Bigger Propositions.  But they didn't imply that you were to be impractical
4951 that he didn't force you down on the asking price.
4954 -- All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
4956 	carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
4957 -- Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
4959 	the potable concoction produced by steeping certain coupestibles.
4960 -- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
4961 -- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.
4963 	advised to refrain from catapulting projectiles.
4970 afford maximum inconvenience to the student.  For example, if you happen
4971 to work on campus, you will have 1-2 hours between classes.  If you commute,
4972 there will be a minimum of 6 hours between the two classes.
4974 "... all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned
4976 		-- David E. Lundstrom, "A Few Good Men From Univac",
4979 ... an anecdote from IBM's Yorktown Heights Research Center.  When a
4981 down, but he couldn't log in to the system when he was standing up.  That
4983 never when standing.
4987 know that there has to be a reason.  Electrical theories are the easiest to
4989 electricity?  But electrical problems are rarely consistently reproducible.
4991 the tops of two keys were switched.  When the programmer was seated he was a
4993 astray by hunting and pecking.
4997 ... Another writer again agreed with all my generalities, but said that as an
4998 inveterate skeptic I have closed my mind to the truth.  Most notably I have
4999 ignored the evidence for an Earth that is six thousand years old.  Well, I
5001 it.  There is a difference, and this is a difference, we might say, between
5002 prejudice and postjudice.  Prejudice is making a judgment before you have
5003 looked at the facts.  Postjudice is making a judgment afterwards.  Prejudice
5005 mistakes.  Postjudice is not terrible.  You can't be perfect of course; you
5006 may make mistakes also.  But it is permissible to make a judgment after you
5007 have examined the evidence.  In some circles it is even encouraged.
5010 ... Any resemblance between the above views and those of my employer,
5011 my terminal, or the view out my window are purely coincidental.  Any
5012 resemblance between the above and my own views is non-deterministic.  The
5014 is left as an exercise for the reader.  The question of the existence of
5015 the reader is left as an exercise for the second god coefficient.  (A
5017 of this article.)
5019 "... bleakness... desolation... plastic forks..."
5022 ... C++ offers even more flexible control over the visibility of member
5023 objects and member functions.  Specifically, members may be placed in the
5024 public, private, or protected parts of a class.  Members declared in the
5027 are visible only to the class itself and its subclasses.  C++ also supports
5029 other's private parts.
5032 ... computer hardware progress is so fast.  No other technology since
5034 gain in 30 years.
5037 ... difference of opinion is advantageous in religion.  The several sects
5038 perform the office of a common censor morum over each other.  Is uniformity
5041 yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.
5046 ... "fire" does not matter, "earth" and "air" and "water" do not matter.
5047 "I" do not matter.  No word matters.  But man forgets reality and remembers
5048 words.  The more words he remembers, the cleverer do his fellows esteem him.
5050 them as they were seen when man looked upon reality for the first time.
5052 knows them in the naming.
5055 "... gentlemen do not read each other's mail."
5058 		   Security Agency.
5062 	(Haley's comment.)
5064 ... if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does
5065 on lust, this would be a better world.
5071 erased.  Therefore, in accordance with the UNIX Basic Manual, University of
5076 as the references mentioned herein.  You may apply for more disk space at any
5077 time.  Disk usage in or above the eighth percentile will secure the removal
5079 space.  Disk usage in the sixth or seventh percentile will not effect the
5081 extended for a period of up to three months.  A score in the fifth percentile
5082 or below will result in the withdrawal of your Temporary Disk space.
5084 ... in three to eight years we will have a machine with the general
5085 intelligence of an average human being ... The machine will begin
5086 to educate itself with fantastic speed.  In a few months it will be
5088 incalculable ...
5093 >>> Please write down these values and notify fortune program administrator.
5097 ... it is easy to be blinded to the essential uselessness of them by the
5098 sense of achievement you get from getting them to work at all.  In other
5099 words... their fundamental design flaws are completely hidden by their
5100 superficial design flaws.
5102            of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
5104 ... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the
5107 hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability.
5110 ... Jesus cried with a loud voice: Lazarus, come forth; the bug hath been
5111 found and thy program runneth.  And he that was dead came forth...
5114 "... like, what do they mean when they say 'feminine protection'?
5118 -- Male cadavers are incapable of yielding testimony.
5120 	to refrain from catapulting projectiles.
5121 -- Neophyte's serendipity.
5123 	diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
5125 	of small, green bryophytic plant.
5127 	of a lucrative nature.
5129 	osseous structure, but appellations will eternally remain innocuous.
5131 ** MAXIMUM TERMINALS ACTIVE.  TRY AGAIN LATER **
5133 -- Neophyte's serendipity.
5135 	hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.
5137 	congeries of small, green bryophytic plant.
5139 	optimal cachinnation.
5141 	escalation of a lucrative nature.
5144 	remain innocuous.
5150 than DEC admits.  Price adjustments at 11:00.
5156 ... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
5158 their C programs.
5161 ... proper attention to Earthly needs of the poor, the depressed and the
5163 awareness of the great goals for Man and the society he conspired to erect.
5167 -- Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minikin.
5168 -- Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.
5169 -- Surveillance should precede saltation.
5170 -- Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.
5172 	lacteal fluid.
5173 -- Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
5175 	canine with innovative maneuvers.
5176 -- Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.
5178 	galled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
5180 ... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their
5182 to infest the waters.  I would estimate that the primary food source of
5184 documentaries.  Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly
5185 listless.  The general shark attitude seems to be: "Oh God, another
5186 documentary."  So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking,
5187 under the guise of Scientific Research.  "We know very little about the
5189 scientific voice.  "That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White
5190 in the testicles with a cattle prod."  The divers keep this kind of
5193 dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.
5199 in order to perform well in complex domains.  But knowledge alone is not
5200 sufficient for some applications; wisdom is needed as well.  Accordingly,
5202 "wisdom engineering".  As a test of our ideas, we have written IMMANUEL, a
5203 wisdom based system for the task domain of western philosophical thought.
5206 forth.  IMMANUEL was then allowed to run freely, guided by the heuristic
5207 rules contained in its heterarchically organized meta wisdom base.  IMMANUEL
5211 of value, and Husserl's phenomenology.  In this seminar, we will describe
5212 IMMANUEL's achievements and internal architecture.  We will also briefly
5213 discuss our recent efforts to apply wisdom engineering to oil exploration.
5216 					... convenient
5217 					...      clean
5218 					...       cozy
5221 	     I'm in the shower.
5223 		M.
5225 -- The writing implement is more potent than the claymore.
5226 -- All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
5228 	materials, there is conflagration.
5229 -- Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.
5231 	the potable concoction produced by steeping certain coupestibles.
5233 	optimal cachinnation.
5234 -- Eleemosynary deeds have their initial incidence intramurally.
5236 ... there are about 5,000 people who are part of that committee.  These guys
5239 layers that are going to be agreed upon.
5242 ... TheysaidDoyouseethebiggreenglowinthedarkhouseuponthehill?andIsaidYesIsee
5245 cleanersayingIllgetyoumyprettyandyourlittledogTototoo ...
5247 	I don't even *HAVE* a dog Toto...
5249 ... this is an awesome sight.  The entire rebel resistance buried under six
5250 million hardbound copies of "The Naked Lunch."
5253 ... though his invention worked superbly -- his theory was a crock of sewage
5254 from beginning to end.
5258 e dUdX, e dX, cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159...
5260 * UNIX is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories.
5262  VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
5263       entrances; others cannot.
5267 	space.  The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
5268 	follow into the painting.  This is ultimately a problem of art, not
5269 	of science.
5270 VIII. Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
5272 	might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
5274 	destroyed.  After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
5275 	elongate, snap back, or solidify.
5276   IX. For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
5278 	the physical world at large.  For that reason, we need the relief of
5279 	watching it happen to a duck instead.
5280    X. Everything falls faster than an anvil.
5281 	Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
5286 ... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent
5287 observations and inferences by the thousands.  The earth is billions of
5289 descent.  Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but
5293 established as our planet's shape and position.  Our continuing struggle
5296 into doubt.
5298 		   The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
5300 ... when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer
5301 has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor.
5304 ... which reminds me of the Carrot family: Ma Carrot, Pa Carrot, and Baby
5305 Carrot.  One fine spring day they decided to go out for a picnic.  They all
5306 piled into their carrot-mobile and drive out to the country.  But Pa Carrot
5308 right into a tree.  Ma and Pa Carrot escaped with a few cuts and bruises, but
5309 poor Baby Carrot got broken in two.  They frantically rushed him to the
5311 to save Baby Carrot's life.  Ma and Pa Carrot were beside themselves with
5312 anxiety ... would poor little Baby Carrot make it?
5314 barely able to walk.
5315 	"Is he all right, is he all right?" Pa Carrot frantically stammers.
5316 	"Well, I have some good news and some bad news," replies the doctor.
5319 	"All right, the good news is that Baby Carrot will live."
5322 the eye.  "Your son will live... but... he'll be a vegetable for the rest of
5323 his life."
5327 1:	A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
5328 2:	An inclined plane is a slope up.
5329 3:	A slow pup is a lazy dog.
5331 QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
5335 	furniture, shelves, and showcases.
5336 (2)	Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.
5337 	Wash the windows once a week.
5339 	coal for the day's business.
5340 (4)	Make your pens carefully.  You may whittle nibs to your
5341 	individual taste.
5342 (5)	This office will open at 7 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. except
5343 	on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed.  Each
5345 	church and contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord.
5349 1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
5351 1.  If it doesn't smell like chili, it probably isn't.
5352 2.  If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
5353 3.  Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
5354 4.  It's bad manners to lie down inside someone else's chalk body outline.
5355 5.  Don't lick food from a stranger's beard.
5356 6.  Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
5357 7.  Jon Gotti Always has the right of way.
5358 8.  Yelling at cab drivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
5359 9.  Remember:  Regular hot dogs do not have fingernails.
5360 10. The city does not employ so called "Wallet Inspectors".
5363 [1] Alexander the Great was a great general.
5364 [2] Great generals are forewarned.
5365 [3] Forewarned is forearmed.
5366 [4] Four is an even number.
5367 [5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
5368 [6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
5369 	Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
5371 [1] Alexander the Great was a great general.
5372 [2] Great generals are forewarned.
5373 [3] Forewarned is forearmed.
5374 [4] Four is an even number.
5375 [5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
5376 [6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
5377 	Therefore, all horses are black.
5379 1. Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
5380 2. If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts.
5381 3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
5382 4. Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as
5383 	the social ramble ain't restful.
5384 5. Avoid running at all times.
5385 6. Don't look back, something might be gaining on you.
5386 		-- S. Paige, c. 1951
5397 1 Dog Pound					= 16 oz. of Alpo
5399 2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League
5404 365 Days of drinking Lo-Cal beer.		= 1 Lite-year
5418 1 bulls, 3 cows.
5420 1) Everything depends.
5421 2) Nothing is always.
5422 3) Everything is sometimes.
5424 1) Never draw what you can copy.
5425 2) Never copy what you can trace.
5426 3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
5428 1. Never give anything away for nothing.  2. Never give more than
5429 you have to (always catch the buyer hungry and always make him wait).
5430 3. Always take back everything if you possibly can.
5431 		-- William S. Burroughs, on drug pushing
5444 10. Not everybody looks good naked.
5445  9. Joe Garagiola was a hell of an emcee.
5446  8. Joe Cocker really should stick with decaffeinated coffee.
5447  7. Fringe!  Fringe!  Fringe!
5448  6. If you've got 72 hours to kill, you can probably find room for Sha Na Na.
5449  5. Never attend an event with a 50,000 to 1 person to Port-A-San ratio.
5450  4. Bellbottoms will never go out of style.
5451  3. A drum solo cannot be too long.
5452  2. I, David Letterman, will never rent out my farm again.
5453  1. We are stardust.  We are golden.  We are going to look really stupid to
5454 	future generations.
5459  1. A beer won't make you go to church.
5460  2. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman.
5461  3. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
5462  4. A beer doesn't give a [expletive deleted] if you keep a bunch of
5463 	other beers on the side.
5464  5. A beer will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman" instead of
5465 	"doberperson".
5466  6. A beer won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of lesbian
5467 	folk music on yer fave radio station.
5468  7. A beer understands why The Three Stooges are funny.
5469  8. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the
5470 	toilet seat up.
5471  9. A beer doesn't think that a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" is an
5472 	enormous can of vegetable juice.
5473 10. A beer won't smoke in your car.
5483 FE buckets of bits on the bus...
5485 ad infinitum...
5488 increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be worth nothing.
5491 10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
5493 1/2 oz. gin
5494 1/2 oz. vodka
5495 1/2 oz. rum (preferably dark)
5496 3/4 oz. tequila
5497 1/2 oz. triple sec
5498 1/2 oz. orange juice
5499 3/4 oz. sour mix
5500 1/2 oz. cola
5501 shake with ice and strain into frosted glass.
5504 13. ...  r-q1
5506 17.  HO HUM -- The Redundant
5509 --- --- (8)	boredom.  Your programs always bomb off.  Your wife
5510 ------- (7)	smells bad.  Your children have hives.  You are working
5512 ---X--- (9)	the GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER.  You give up hot dates
5513 --- --- (8)	to nurse sick computers.  What you need now is sex.
5516 	The yellow bird approaches the malt shop.  Misfortune.
5520 	Revenue Service.  Great Dragons!  Are you in trouble!
5526 noncancellable.
5540 1907 Refreshing as a summer breeze.  Delightful as a Dip in the Sea
5556 1937 STOP for a pause... GO refreshed
5572 $3,000,000.
5575 	Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation.
5578 and display work.  This product is called "Craft Mount".  3M suggests
5580 adhesive is wet, aggressively tacky."  I did not know what "aggressively
5581 tacky" meant until I read today's fortune.
5583 		[And who said we didn't offer equal time, huh? Ed.]
5589 40 isn't old.  If you're a tree.
5593 You swing at the Sun.  You miss.  The Sun swings.  He hits you with a
5594 575MB disk!  You read the 575MB disk.  It is written in an alien
5595 tongue and cannot be read by your tired Sun-2 eyes.  You throw the
5596 575MB disk at the Sun.  You hit!  The Sun must repair your eyes.  The
5597 Sun reads a scroll.  He hits your 130MB disk!  He has defeated the
5598 130MB disk!  The Sun reads a scroll.  He hits your Ethernet board!  He
5600 Monday at 9 AM".  Everything goes dark...
5604 	purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
5607 	and other good books.
5610 	so that he will not become a burden on society or his betters.
5614 	his worth, intentions, integrity and honesty.
5618 	business permit it.
5622 6 oz. orange juice
5623 1 oz. vodka
5624 1/2 oz. Galliano
5629 	Redwood Forest.
5633 	Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
5635 90% of the work takes 90% of the time.
5636 The remaining 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
5639 and the rest hang out around here.
5651 A  truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor.
5652 		-- B. Franklin
5655 at one end and no responsibility at the other.
5657 A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once.
5660 who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
5663 A bachelor is an unaltared male.
5666 and a boy for ever.
5670 the horse, but it don't fix the leg.
5673 ask for it back the when it begins to rain.
5677 sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
5680 A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
5683 A beautiful woman is a picture which drives all beholders nobly mad.
5686 A beer delayed is a beer denied.
5689 most delicate care that balances are correct.
5692 A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money.
5693 		-- Sen. Everett Dirksen, on the U.S. defense budget
5695 A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
5696 A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
5697 A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
5698 A billion dollars ago was late yesterday afternoon at the U.S. Treasury.
5701 a photo-safari in Africa.  As they're driving along the savannah in their
5702 jeep, they stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.
5706 The statistician: "Hey, calm down, it's not significant.  We only know
5707 	there's one white zebra."
5709 	white on one side."
5712 A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
5715 A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
5717 A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
5724 that the animal is going somewhere.
5728 best.  That's dangerous.  Is the work of some mere individual mind likely to
5733 elitist.  ... It's just good pedagogy, therefore, to stay away from such
5736 professionals.  Those texts are called 'reading material.'  They are the
5739 resource centers along the roads.
5743 himself that you can't talk about yourself.
5746 own views after we have enlightened him with ours.
5748 A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
5751 Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
5752 		-- J.R. Tolkien
5755 of turning around three times before lying down.
5758 A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
5762 before you spend money, as well as afterward.
5764 A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
5766 A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
5769 hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West.  They
5771 found there was no pilot on board.  Terrified, they listened as the sirens
5772 got louder.  Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an
5773 experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
5774 	He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out.  The sirens
5775 got louder and louder.  Armed men surrounded the jet.  The would be pilot's
5777 	The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience.  I'm just a simple
5778 pole in a complex plane."
5783 And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lady that's known as Lou.
5784 		-- Robert W. Service
5787 is to make a copy of everything before he destroys it.
5789 A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
5796 and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.
5799 to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint.  The VWD examines him
5801 examine him about his recent diet.
5802 	"Well, I ate a missionary yesterday.  Do you think that could be
5804 	The VWD says "Hmmmm."  (All doctors say "Hmmmm.")  "That could be.
5805 Tell me a bit about this missionary."
5806 	"Well, he was tall for a white man, wearing a brown robe.  He was
5808 him home, cleaned him, boiled him and ate him."
5810 the VWD.  You boiled him, but he was a friar!"
5812 A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.
5814 A castaway was washed ashore after many days on the open sea.  The island
5816 and exhausted, to a thick stake.  They then proceeded to cut his arms
5817 with their spears and drink his blood.  This continued for several days
5818 until the castaway could stand no more.  He yelled for the cannibal chief
5820 spears has got to stop.  Dammit, I'm tired of getting stuck for the drinks."
5823 does not prove anything.
5826 A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
5828 A certain amount of opposition is a help, not a hindrance.
5829 Kites rise against the wind, not with it.
5833 various objects had Buddha-nature or not.  To such a question Tortue
5834 invariably sat silent.  The monk had already asked about a bean, a lake,
5835 and a moonlit night.  One day he brought to Tortue a piece of string, and
5836 asked the same question.  In reply, the Grand Tortue grasped the loop
5838 string which he proffered wordlessly to the monk.  At that moment, the monk
5839 was enlightened.
5841 From then on, the monk did not bother Tortue.  Instead, he made string after
5843 who passed it on to theirs.
5846 time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender.  One
5848 the back door.  Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when
5849 the door slammed shut, severing the cat's tail at its base.  This proved too
5850 much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on the spot.
5851 	Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.
5853 after the last customers had gone.  Approaching the back door he was startled
5856 go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
5857 	Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost, "I can't.  You know
5858 the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."
5860 A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed
5861 a very charming woman staring admiringly at him.  He walked over and spoke
5863 in as Mr. and Mrs.
5865 desk and told the clerk he was checking out.  In a few minutes, he was handed
5866 a bill for $2500.
5867 	"There must be some mistake," the salesman said.  "I've been here for
5868 only three days."
5869 	"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.  "But your wife has been here a month
5870 and a half."
5872 A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
5874 A child can go only so far in life without potty training.  It is not mere
5876 to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
5880 Saturday and is going to do on Monday.
5884 deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
5887 will approach you soon.  Avoid him.  He's a Commie.
5890 won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
5893 A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
5896 A clash of doctrine is not a disaster - it is an opportunity.
5899 and nobody wants to read.
5902 A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
5904 A closed mouth gathers no foot.
5907 a speed, if feels an impulsion... this is the place to go now.  But the
5909 know, too, when you lift yourself high enough to see beyond horizons.
5914 1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.
5916 	valuable scientific objectivity.
5918 2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
5920 	gentleness and reassurance he can get.
5922 3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
5923 	Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
5927 4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF.
5930 	disability you may have experienced.
5932 5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS DOING IT.
5934 	explained in terms that you would understand.
5936 6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
5938 	research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
5942 7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
5944 	to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
5946 8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
5947 	It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
5949 9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE COURSE
5950    OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
5952 	sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
5954 10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
5955 	This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
5958 as your goal.  There are too many women in the world to justify that sort of
5959 dishonourable behaviour.  Unless she's really attractive.
5960 		-- Bruce J. Friedman, "Sex and the Lonely Guy"
5962 A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
5965 A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
5969 scattering the seed from which other committees will bloom.
5972 A commune is where people join together to share their lack of wealth.
5973 		-- R. Stallman
5975 A company is known by the men it keeps.
5978 found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
5980 A compliment is something like a kiss through a veil.
5983 [A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.
5987 with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.
5991 the president one of the latest talking computers.
5992 Salesman:	"This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question
5993 		and it'll give the correct answer.  Computer, what is the
5995 Computer:	186,000 miles per second.
5997 Computer:	George Washington.
5998 President:	"I'm still not convinced. Let me ask a question.
6000 Computer:	Your father is fishing in Georgia.
6001 President:	"Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty
6003 Computer:	Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just
6004 		landed a twelve pound bass.
6006 A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
6009 cake without ketchup and mustard.
6011 A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
6014 do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
6017 A CONS is an object which cares.
6018 		-- Bernie Greenberg.
6020 A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
6024 who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
6025 		-- Alfred E. Wiggam
6028 with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.
6029 		-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
6031 A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
6033 A couch is as good as a chair.
6035 A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
6036 		-- B. Franklin
6039 beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden.  Immediately,
6042 Warden.  After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with
6044 Game Warden finally caught up to him.
6045 	"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped.  The
6047 license.
6056 and that is all there is to say about money.
6059 A cow is a completely automated milk-manufacturing machine. It is encased
6061 each corner.  The front end of the machine, or input, contains the cutting
6062 and grinding mechanism, utilizing a unique feedback device.  Here also are
6063 the headlights, air inlet and exhaust, a bumper and a foghorn.
6065 well as a built-in flyswatter and insect repeller.  The central portion
6066 houses a hydro- chemical-conversion unit.  Briefly, this consists of four
6068 of flexible plumbing.  This assembly also contains the central heating plant
6070 ventilating system.  The waste disposal apparatus is located to the rear of
6071 this central section.
6073 colors.  Production output ranges from 2 to 20 tons of milk per year.  In
6075 hookers, four stander-uppers, four hanger-downers, and a swishy-wishy.
6077 A critic is a bundle of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.
6081 qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic
6082 in this; he is unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
6084 A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
6085 		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
6089 A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
6091 A day without sunshine is like a day without Anita Bryant.
6093 A day without sunshine is like a day without orange juice.
6095 A day without sunshine is like night.
6097 A dead man cannot bite.
6101 not yet found the conditions that make it fail.
6105 Salvadorans fight better than "our" Salvadorans.  It is not a matter of
6106 their training or their equipment.  It has to do with the quality of the
6107 society we are asking them to risk death defending.  The metaphor of the
6109 is high.  San Salvador is closer to Saigon than to Munich.
6112 A Difficulty for Every Solution.
6116 wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
6119 go to hell and make the trip sound pleasurable.
6123 in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
6126 A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
6132 A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.
6135 A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office.  "Was it true," the woman
6138 	She was told that it was.  There was just a moment of silence before
6139 the woman proceeded bravely on.  "Well, I'm wondering, then, how serious my
6140 condition is.  This prescription is marked `NO REFILLS'".
6142 A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano.
6144 A doctor calls his patient to give him the results of his tests.  "I have
6145 some bad news," says the doctor, "and some worse news."  The bad news is
6146 that you only have six weeks to live."
6147 	"Oh, no," says the patient.  "What could possibly be worse than
6150 last Monday."
6153 waters. The doctor tried to swim ashore but was eaten by the sharks. The
6154 lawyer, however, swam safely past the bloodthirsty sharks.  "Professional
6155 courtesy," he explained.
6157 A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
6161 what he meant.
6164 A dream will always triumph over reality, once it is given the chance.
6168 a fund for his funeral.  The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate
6169 a shilling.  "Only a shilling?" exclaimed the man. "Only a shilling to bury
6170 an attorney?  Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty of them."
6172 A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
6175 A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
6177 A fair exterior is a silent recommendation.
6180 A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated.  But an authentic soothsayer
6181 should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking around
6182 she deserved.
6183 		-- R.A. Heinlein
6186 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser.  Wanting to help,
6189 cursor."  The Hacker then quickly pressed the boot toggle at the back of
6191 with a thick Interlisp Manual.  The Undergraduate was then Enlightened.
6193 A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
6196 A farmer is a man outstanding in his field.
6198 A feed salesman is on his way to a farm.  As he's driving along at forty
6199 m.p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running
6200 alongside him, keeping pace with his car.  He is amazed that a chicken is
6201 running at forty m.p.h.  So he speeds up to forty-five, fifty, then sixty
6202 m.p.h.  The chicken keeps right up with him the whole way, then suddenly
6203 takes off and disappears into the distance.
6207 	"Yeah," the farmer replies, "that chicken was ours.  You see, there's
6208 me, and there's Ma, and there's our son Billy.  Whenever we had chicken for
6209 dinner, we would all want a drumstick, so we'd have to kill two chickens.
6211 have a drumstick."
6212 	"How do they taste?" said the farmer.
6213 	"Don't know," replied the farmer.  "We haven't been able to catch
6214 one yet."
6216 A fellow bought a new car, a Nissan, and was quite happy with his purchase.
6218 to have a name.  This presented a problem, as he was not sure if the name
6219 should be masculine or feminine.
6221 Belchazar or Beaumadine, but remained in a quandary about the final choice.
6222 	"Is a Nissan male or female?" he began asking his friends.  Most of
6224 went on their way rather quickly.
6226 belt in judo.  She thought for a moment and answered "Feminine."
6227 	The swiftness of her response puzzled him. "You're sure of that?" he
6228 asked.
6229 	"Certainly," she replied. "They wouldn't sell very well if they were
6230 masculine."
6231 	"Unhhh...  Well, why not?"
6233 it to.  And, if Nissan's are female, it's like they say...  `Each Nissan, she
6237 	martial art.  (Tai Chi Chuan probably doesn't count.)  Ed.]
6239 A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
6241 A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.
6243 A fisherman from Maine went to Alabama on his vacation.  He rented a boat,
6246 on the bottom of the lake.  He quickly rowed to shore and ran to the police
6247 station.  "Sheriff, sheriff," he gasped, there's a guy wrapped in chains,
6257 But an otter never ots.			Or seen an otter ot.
6264 Or caught an otter otting.
6268 waiting for a taxi.
6269 	"Hi," said the gentleman at the wheel.  "I'm going west."
6270 	"How wonderful," came the cool reply.  "Bring me back an orange."
6272 A fool and his honey are soon parted.
6274 A fool and his money are soon popular.
6276 A fool and your money are soon partners.
6278 A fool is a man who worries about whether or not his lover has integrity.
6279 A wise man, on the other hand, busies himself with deeper attributes.
6281 A fool must now and then be right by chance.
6283 A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
6287 of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.
6290 superstition, and art into pedantry.  Hence University education.
6291 		-- G.B. Shaw
6293 A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
6294 		-- D. Gries
6296 A Fortran compiler is the hobgoblin of little minis.
6298 A fox is wolf who sends flowers.
6301 A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.
6304 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
6306 A friend is a present you give yourself.
6309 A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture.  You don't have to go.
6310 You'll just be walking down the street and...  Ooohh, that's much better.
6314 lawyers more than he hates his wife.
6316 A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
6318 A full belly makes a dull brain.
6321 		[and the local candy machine man.  Ed]
6324 people's demands.
6328 A gambler's biggest thrill is winning a bet.
6329 His next biggest thrill is losing a bet.
6331 A gangster assembled an engineer, a chemist, and a physicist.  He explained
6333 assembled guys had the job of assuring that the gangster's horse would win.
6335 each propose to ensure a win.  When they reconvened the gangster started with
6338 Gangster: OK, Mr. engineer, what have you got?
6341 	  electrical shock to the horse.
6342 G:	  That's very good!  But let's hear from the chemist.
6345 	  cannot be detected in post-race tests.
6347 	  I decide what to do.  Physicist?
6349 Physicist: Well, first consider a spherical horse in simple harmonic motion...
6351 A gentleman is a man who wouldn't hit a lady with his hat on.
6353 		[ And why not?  For why does she have his hat on?  Ed.]
6355 A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.
6358 A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
6360 A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely a coincidence.  A girl and
6361 a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another coincidence.  But
6364 A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
6365 A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
6366 But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *that had to mean something*.
6367 		-- S. Morgenstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"
6369 A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
6372 A girl's best friend is her mutter.
6376 it merely keeps her from enjoying it.
6379 a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
6381 A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
6382 Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific game.
6385 firm tuft of grass.
6386 		-- Donald A. Metz
6390 rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results from friction between
6393 uncontrollable physical phenomena.
6394 		-- Donald A. Metz
6396 A good man always knows his limitations.
6399 A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband.
6402 A good memory does not equal pale ink.
6404 A good name lost is seldom regained.  When character is gone,
6405 all is gone, and one of the richest jewels of life is lost forever.
6406 		-- J. Hawes
6408 A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
6411 A good reputation is more valuable than money.
6414 A good scapegoat is hard to find.
6416 A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
6418 A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.  Then you
6419 call the guy and hold the burning fuse to the phone.  "Hear that?" you say.
6420 "That's dynamite, baby."
6421 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
6425 you about yourself.
6429 the table after you eat.
6431 A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart that looks at her watch.
6435 to take it all away.
6438 A grammarian's life is always intense.
6440 A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.
6441 		-- B. Franklin
6444 when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
6447 A green hunting cap squeezed the top of the fleshy balloon of a head.  The
6450 indicating two directions at once.  Full, pursed lips protruded beneath the
6452 with disapproval and potato chip crumbs.  In the shadow under the green visor
6453 of the cap Ignatius J. Reilly's supercilious blue and yellow eyes looked down
6454 upon the other people waiting under the clock at the D.H. Holmes department
6455 store, studying the crowd of people for signs of bad taste in dress.  Several
6457 properly considered offenses against taste and decency.  Possession of
6459 geometry; it could even cast doubts upon one's soul.
6464 not going to church on Sunday.
6467 A guilty conscience is the mother of invention.
6471 so a girl doesn't lose her confidence.
6473 A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
6476 Is nerve-wracking and dangerous.
6478 Brings good fortune.
6480 A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
6482 A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
6484 A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
6487 weight in other people's patience.
6504 she has devoted them her undivided care for several weeks past.  The young
6506 her cluckings, and are regularly brooded at night beneath her wings.
6509 A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
6512 an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
6514 A Hollywood producer calls a friend, another producer on the phone.
6515 	"Hello?" his friend answers.
6516 	"Hi!" says the man.  "This is Bob, how are you doing?"
6518 for two hundred thousand dollars.  I've started a novel adaptation and the
6519 studio advanced me fifty thousand dollars on it.  I also have a television
6522 	"Okay," says the producer, "give me a call when he leaves."
6528 talk about Deimos rising in the East?'  I said, `Yes?'  He said `No.'
6529 -- So I hit him."
6533 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
6538 Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
6539 		-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
6541 A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
6544 A hypocrite is a person who ... but who isn't?
6553 A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
6554 C is for Clair who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of the sleigh.
6555 E is for Ernest who choked on a peach, F is for Fanny, sucked dry by a leech.
6556 G is for George, smothered under a rug, H is for Hector, done in by a thug.
6557 I is for Ida who drowned in the lake, J is for James who took lye, by mistake.
6558 K is for Kate who was struck with an axe, L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
6559 M is for Maud who was swept out to sea, N is for Nevil who died of enui.
6561 Q is for Quinton who sank in a mire, R is for Rhoda, consumed by a fire.
6562 S is for Susan who parished of fits, T is for Titas who flew into bits.
6563 U is for Una who slipped down a drain, V is for Victor, squashed under a train.
6564 W is for Winie, embedded in ice, X is for Xercies, devoured by mice.
6565 Y is for Yoric whose head was bashed in, Z is for Zilla who drank too much gin.
6568 A is for Apple.
6572 B is for biff, which reads all your mail.
6574 D is for dd, the command that does all.
6576 F is for fsck, which rebuilds your trees.
6578 H is for halt, which may seem defective.
6580 J is for join, which nobody uses.
6582 L is for lex, which is missing from DOS.
6584 N is for nice, which it really is not.
6586 P is for passwd, which reads in strings twice.
6588 R is for ranlib, for sorting ar table.
6590 T is for true, which does very little.
6592 V is for vi, which is hard to abort.
6594 X is, well, X, of dubious fame.
6596 Z is for zcat, which handles compression.
6599 A joint is just tea for two.
6601 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Sam.
6603 A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
6606 A journey of a thousand miles starts under one's feet.
6611 Simply handed in through the window.
6612 There is certainly no blame in this.
6614 A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
6618 good time is a game of Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
6620 A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
6622 A kind of Batman of contemporary letters.
6625 A king's castle is his home.
6629 words are superfluous.
6631 A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
6633 A lady is one who never shows her underwear unintentionally.
6639 The subject engaging them was she.
6643 The lady, indignant, removed her ear.
6649 think about programming is not worth knowing.
6652 actually easier to program in than some that do.
6653 		-- D.M. Ritchie
6656 the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska.  He drove for three days
6658 line.  He halted his car and walked up to the border guard.  "Hi, there!  How
6659 do I become a resident of this here biggest state?" demanded the Texan.
6660 	The guard looked him up and down and grinned.  "Waal," he answered,
6661 there are three things you gotta do to get in.  First, drink down a quart of
6662 110 proof corn liquor without blinkin'.  Second, kill a grizzly bear, and
6663 third, make love to an Eskimo woman."
6664 	"Sounds easy enough," said the Texan.  "Where can I get a quart of
6666 	"Got one right here," replied the guard.
6667 	The Texan gulped down the whiskey without batting an eyelash.
6670 a mile... lives in a cave on that cliff."
6671 	The Texan lurched merrily off.  About an hour later he returned
6672 with his clothes almost torn off and his face scratched and bloody.  He was
6673 smiling happily.  "Now," he roared, "where's that damn Eskimo woman you
6676 A large number of installed systems work by fiat.
6677 That is, they work by being declared to work.
6680 A large spider in an old house built a beautiful web in which to catch flies.
6683 quiet place in which to rest.  One day a fairly intelligent fly buzzed around
6685 "Come on down."  But the fly was too clever for him and said, "I never light
6686 where I don't see other flies and I don't see any other flies in your house."
6688 flies.  He was about to settle down among them when a bee buzzed up and said,
6689 "Hold it, stupid, that's flypaper.  All those flies are trapped."  "Don't be
6690 silly," said the fly, "they're dancing."  So he settled down and became stuck
6691 to the flypaper with all the other flies.
6693 Moral:  There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
6698 	and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
6700 A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.
6703 A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment.
6707 capitalist, and too rich to be a communist.
6709 A lie in time saves nine.
6712 trouble.
6715 A life spent in search of the perfect hash brownie is a life well spent.
6717 A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
6719 A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
6720 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
6722 A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility.
6726 everything, but the cost of nothing.
6729 A list is only as strong as its weakest link.
6732 A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
6734 A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
6735 		-- C.E. Ayres
6737 A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation.
6738 		-- H.H. Munro, "Saki"
6741 right?"  And Santa says, "Yes, I do."  The little kid then asks, "And you
6742 know when I'm sleeping?" To which Santa replies, "Every minute." So the
6749 the products of one or a few designing minds, great designers.  Consider Unix,
6751 with Cobol, PL/I, Algol, MVS/370, and MS-DOS.
6755 A foe to rest and peaceful slumber.
6757 Great is the metamorphosis.
6759 And sweet what bitter was before.
6762 A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
6764 A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
6766 A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
6767 Buy the negatives at any price.
6769 A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
6771 A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.
6775 and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks.
6778 A lover without indiscretion is no lover at all.
6782 Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.
6785 So he just rhododendron, of course.
6787 A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
6791 a beautiful woman.  Somewhere, somebody's tired of her.
6794 tenderness, but after that begins to bunch them.
6798 who swore how much they were in love.  To quiet the enraged husband, the
6799 lover suggested, "Friends shouldn't fight, let's play gin rummy.  If I win,
6800 you get a divorce so I can marry her.  If you win, I promise never to see
6801 her again.  Okay?"
6802 	"Alright," agreed the husband.  "But how about a quarter a point
6805 A man can have two, maybe three love affairs while he's married.  After
6806 that it's cheating.
6810 or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
6813 A man does not look behind the door unless he has stood there himself.
6816 A man fell off a mountain and, as he fell, saw a branch and grabbed for it.
6817 By superhuman effort he was able to get a precarious grip on it.  As he
6821 	"Yes my son, I am here.  What do you need?"
6822 	"Help me!!" cried the man.
6824 you'll be safe.  All you have to do is trust."
6829 in the road.
6832 A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.  The man sitting
6834 Polish."
6835 	He then calls out, "Ivan!  Come over here and bring your brother."
6836 Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room.
6838 with you."  Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with
6839 the joke.
6841 	"Nah," says the man.
6843 man, opening and closing his fist.  "Are you scared?"
6844 	"No," replies the man.  "I just don't feel like having to explain it
6845 five times."
6847 A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
6850 A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
6854 man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
6855 whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
6856 water..."
6858 with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
6859 	"Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."
6860 	"They're only four dollars apiece."
6861 	"I need *water*."
6862 	"Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
6863 	"Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.
6865 and he heads off into the distance.
6866 	The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
6868 sees a restaurant in the distance.  Summoning the last of his strength he
6869 staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
6870 	"Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
6871 	"I'm sorry, sir, ties required."
6873 A man is known by the company he organizes.
6874 		-- A. Bierce
6877 He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart.
6880 A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
6884 longest procession he's ever seen.  It seems to consist of the hearse,
6886 other men.  After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity
6887 no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.
6889 but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen.  What happened, who is
6892 in-law of the man at the front of the procession.  You see, his Doberman
6893 attacked and killed her."
6894 	"That's awful!", replies the onlooker.  "But... um... tell me, you
6896 	"Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."
6899 antennae coming out of his head.  He goes up to him and says, "You're not
6901 	"No," replies the man with the antennae.
6903 either.  In fact, I bet you don't even come from this planet!"
6904 	"Right again," says the man with four arms.  "I'm from Mars."
6906 there, with those four arms and those antennae and everything."
6907 	"We Martians all have four arms and antennae."
6911 	"Well, no," says the Martian.  "Not the *goyim*."
6914 bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
6915 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
6917 A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
6921 but never the kiss he has not the initiative to claim.
6924 but he cannot make him drink with he will.
6927 A man of genius makes no mistakes.
6928 His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
6931 A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
6936 	"the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
6939 A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time.  After he'd given her
6940 some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later.  Before
6942 might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill.  If that happened, he told
6944 her aid.
6946 by the agreed upon signal.  Running to the scene, he found his wife standing
6947 in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel.
6948 	"He claims this is his," she said, obviously very upset.
6949 	"She can keep it, she can keep it!" the wide-eyed man replied.  "I
6953 he is able to answer.
6957 late card games.
6959 he said.  "First, I kill the engine a block away from the house and coast
6960 into the garage.  Then I open the door slowly, take off my shoes, and
6961 tiptoe to our room.  But just as I'm about to slide into bed, she always
6962 wakes up and gives me hell."
6963 	"I make a big racket when I go home," his friend replied.
6965 	"Sure.  I honk the horn, slam the door, turn on all the lights,
6966 stomp up to the bedroom and give my wife a big kiss.  `Hi, Alice,' I say.
6968 	"And what does she say?" his friend asked in disbelief.
6969 	"She doesn't say anything," his buddy replied.  "She always pretends
6970 she's asleep."
6973 	"Oh why..eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee,
6974 why did you Di......eeee"
6977 carrying on at this grave.  You must have been very close to the deceased."
6978 	"No, I never met him.  Oh why....eeeee did you dieeeeee,
6979 why....eeeee did you.."
6982 	"My wife's first husband."
6984 A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.
6988 in no other way.
6991 will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
6994 find a girl willing to listen to him.
6996 A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
6998 A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
7000 A man with one watch knows what time it is.
7001 A man with two watches is never quite sure.
7003 A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
7005 A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
7007 A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
7010 destruction and chaos - just to gain his point... and if all this could in
7012 would deliberately go mad to prove his point.
7015 A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
7017 A man's best friend is his dogma.
7019 A man's gotta know his limitations.
7022 A man's house is his castle.
7025 A man's house is his hassle.
7027 A master was asked the question, "What is the Way?" by a curious monk.
7028 	"It is right before your eyes," said the master.
7030 	"Because you are thinking of yourself."
7033 on, your eyes are clouded," said the master.
7039 observe a team of lifeguards pumping the stomach of a drowned woman.  As
7040 they watch, water, sand, snails and such come out of the pump.
7046 6 feet high."
7047 	The engineer says: "I think she's sitting in a puddle."
7049 A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
7050 		-- P. Erdos
7053 minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
7056 but to protect the writer.
7060 and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
7065 game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
7067 along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
7070 direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
7072 colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
7073 fall over gently onto their backs.
7077 Though smaller than the pachyderm.
7079 Is deep within the human race.
7081 By giving people strange diseases.
7083 You probably contain a germ.
7086 A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
7088 A modem is a baudy house.
7091 is the most tremendous object in the whole creation.
7096 the police.
7097 		-- Mr. Dooley
7101 its species, managed to trap them in a corner.  The children cowered,
7107 proud.  The startled cat fled in fear for its life.
7114 and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
7117 A motion to adjourn is always in order.
7119 A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
7121 A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
7124 	the man or woman who is not one of these is not a Christian.
7127 A myth is a religion in which no-one any longer believes.
7130 A narcissist is anyone better-looking than you.
7133 A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
7136 A nasty looking dwarf throws a knife at you.
7139 will be to us a national blessing.
7142 A neighbor came to Nasrudin, asking to borrow his donkey.  "It is out on
7143 loan," the teacher replied.  At that moment, the donkey brayed loudly inside
7144 the stable.  "But I can hear it bray, over there."  "Whom do you believe,"
7148 discovered that all his lines were hopelessly tangled.  At about 5,000 feet,
7150 same speed as he was going towards the ground.  As they passed each other at
7156 	If you have some ice cream, I will give it to you.
7157 	If you have no ice cream, I will take it away from you.
7158 It is an ice cream koan.
7160 A new supply of round tuits has arrived and are available from Mary.
7162 now has no excuse for further procrastination.
7164 A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow.  The time
7167 catching instructions on the wing.  In other words, we never did trust
7170 in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers.
7171 		-- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
7177 will go far towards curing the rascal of a very bad ailment.
7180 A New Yorker is riding down the road in his new Mercedes.  So intent is he
7182 over the five-hundred-foot cliff to be smashed into pieces at the bottom.
7184 from the top of the cliff clinging to a stunted bush with all his strength.
7186 you now: Save me, Lord, save me."
7187 	Booms the Lord: "LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
7189 	"TRUST ME, LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
7190 	"But Lord, I'm gonna fall and die..."
7191 	"TRUST ME TO SAVE YOU.  LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
7192 	Okay, Lord, I'll trust you, here I...  here I go!"  And he falls
7193 to his death.
7194 	"DUMB YANKEE."
7197 by the side of the street.  Curiosity got the better of him and he leaned
7198 out of his window to ask an onlooker what was going on.  The fellow explained
7199 that a protestor against the U.S. position in South America had doused
7200 himself with gasoline and set himself on fire.  "That's terrible," gasped
7201 the man.  "But why is everyone still standing around?"
7203 onlooker explained.  "Would you be willing to help?"
7204 	"Well, sure," replied the New Yorker.  "I suppose I could spare a
7205 gallon or two."
7207 A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
7210 A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
7214 passionately wrong with a high sense of consistency.
7215 		-- J.K. Galbraith
7217 A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
7221 documents or tests his programs. Yet all who know him consider him
7222 one of the bests programmer in the world. Why is this?"
7223 	The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao. He has
7225 crashes, but accepts the universe without concern. He has gone beyond the
7226 need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else sees his code.
7228 within themselves, serene and elegant, their purpose self-evident.  Truly,
7229 he has entered the mystery of Tao."
7231 A novice of the temple once approached the Chief Priest with a question.
7233 "Master, does Emacs have the Buddha nature?" the novice asked.
7236 relied upon to know these things.  He thought for several minutes
7237 before replying.
7239 "I don't see why not.  It's got bloody well everything else."
7241 With that, the Chief Priest went to lunch.  The novice suddenly achieved
7242 enlightenment, several years later.
7248 With thought and sarcasm.
7250 A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
7252 A pain in the ass of major dimensions.
7253 		-- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits
7258 brightly lit corner.
7260 	"I can only see here."
7262 A paranoid is a man who knows a little of what's going on.
7263 		-- William S. Burroughs
7265 A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
7267 A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
7270 A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
7273 "A dollar for your death."
7276 A penny saved has not been spent.
7278 A penny saved is a penny taxed.
7280 A penny saved is ridiculous.
7282 A penny saved kills your career in government.
7285 govern.  It demands no social reforms.  It does not haggle over expenditures
7286 on armaments and military equipment.  It pays without discussion, it ruins
7288 manufacturers for whom patriotic terrors are an abundant source of gain.
7297 A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
7299 A person is just about as big as the things that make him angry.
7302 in the air can be safely called a liberal.
7304 A person who has nothing looks at all there is and wants something.
7305 A person who has something looks at all there is and wants all the rest.
7308 schooled in machine language, since it is a fundamental part of a computer.
7311 A pessimist is a man who has been compelled to live with an optimist.
7314 A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms.
7317 A pickup with three guys in it pulls into the lumber yard.  One of the men
7318 gets out and goes into the office.
7319 	"I need some four-by-two's," he says.
7320 	"You must mean two-by-four's" replies the clerk.
7321 	The man scratches his head.  "Wait a minute," he says, "I'll go
7322 check."
7325 acceptable.
7327 	The guy gets the blank look again.  "Uh... I guess I better go
7328 check," he says.
7330 conversation.  The guy comes back into the office.  "A long time," he says,
7331 "we're building a house".
7336 Though mountains may topple and tilt.
7345 and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
7347 A place for everything and everything in its place.
7350 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
7351 	 referring to memory management system services.]
7353 A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.
7358 edible nutriments.
7360 A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
7362 A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
7364 A Polish worker walks into a bank to deposit his paycheck.  He has heard
7366 money if the bank collapsed.  "All of our deposits are guaranteed by the
7367 finance ministry, sir," the teller replies.
7368 	"But what if the finance ministry goes broke?" the worker asks.
7370 the teller says.
7371 	"But what if the government goes broke?" the worker asks.
7373 to our assistance," the teller responds with growing irritation.
7374 	"And if the Soviet Union goes broke?" the worker asks.
7375 	"Idiot!" the teller snorts. "Isn't that worth losing one lousy
7380 but he has no means to realize it other than through violence.
7383 A possum must be himself, and being himself he is honest.
7386 A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
7388 A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality.
7389 Bastinado is about right.  For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling.
7390 But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.
7393 A prediction is worth twenty explanations.
7394 		-- K. Brecher
7396 A pretty foot is one of the greatest gifts of nature... please send me your
7397 last pair of shoes, already worn out in dancing... so I can have something
7398 of yours to press against my heart.
7401 A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
7403 A priest advised Voltaire on his death bed to renounce the devil.
7404 Replied Voltaire, "This is no time to make new enemies."
7409 	It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence.
7410 It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs.
7414 have come to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness.
7416 	And that is Fate?  said the priest.
7418 	Fate... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master.
7420 	That's all right, said the priest.  I wanted to know
7421 what Freight was too.
7424 A prig is a fellow who is always making you a present of his opinions.
7428 asks you not to kill him.
7431 A private sin is not so prejudicial in the world as a public indecency.
7434 A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
7443 unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
7447 when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
7450 drink with -- even if he drank.
7454 watering hole where the life of the jungle could be observed. As he
7456 tape recorder, he saw two gnus grazing peacefully. So preoccupied were
7458 by two magnificent specimens, obviously the leaders. The lions charged,
7460 could not be seen.  A little while later the two kings of the jungle
7462 the gnus and here, once again, are the head lions."
7465 getting more sex than you are.
7468 A proper wife should be as obedient as a slave... The female is a female
7469 by virtue of a certain lack of qualities -- a natural defectiveness.
7473 your wife asks you for nothing.
7477 your wife will give you for free.
7480 "you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if
7482 to make a travesty of the game.
7483 		-- Donald A. Metz
7488 Bishop."
7491 might be made an Archbishop."
7493 	"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
7496 be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
7500 	The rabbi leaned back and smiled.  "One of our boys made it."
7502 A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today.  The results
7503 blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
7507 entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.
7511 his neighbour notice it.
7515 commented to the farmer how sturdy the house looked.
7516 	The farmer replied, "Yep, built it with my bare hands... did it
7517 the hard way.  The steps to the front door, here, carved 'em out of
7518 field stones... did it the hard way.  That hardwood floor in the living
7519 room, dovetailed the pieces myself... did it the hard way.  The ceiling
7520 beams, made 'em out of my own oak trees... did it the hard way."
7521 	Just then, the farmer's gorgeous daughter walked in.  The farmer
7523 obviously and smiles.  "Yep... standing up in a canoe."
7525 A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away.
7526 A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
7528 A real gentleman never takes bases unless he really has to.
7529 		-- Overheard in an algebra lecture.
7532 ticket and rejoices that the system works.
7536 scientists.  Researchers into the phenomenon cite the added concentration
7537 needed to "make sense" of such unnatural three dimensional objects.
7540 people what to do with their money.
7543 A right is not what someone gives you; it's what no one can take from you.
7547 Puts all Heaven in a rage.
7551 man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.
7554 A rolling disk gathers no MOS.
7556 A rolling stone gathers momentum.
7558 A rolling stone gathers no moss.
7563 holding out his shoe, asked them whether it was not new and well made.
7564 Yet, added he, none of you can tell where it pinches me.
7567 A rope lying over the top of a fence is the same length on each side.  It
7568 weighs one third of a pound per foot.  On one end hangs a monkey holding a
7569 banana, and on the other end a weight equal to the weight of the monkey.
7570 The banana weighs two ounces per inch.  The rope is as long (in feet) as
7572 is the same as the age of the monkey's mother.  The combined age of the
7573 monkey and its mother is thirty years.  One half of the weight of the monkey,
7575 weight and the weight of the rope.  The monkey's mother is half as old as
7581 when it was one fourth as old as it is now.  How long is the banana?
7583 A rose is a rose is a rose.  Just ask Jean Marsh, known to millions of
7585 Downstairs."  Though Marsh has since gone on to other projects, ... it's
7586 with Rose she's forever identified.  So much so that she even likes to
7588 drawbacks.  "I was very flattered when I heard about it, but when I looked
7590 good in beds; better up against a wall.'  I want to tell you that's not
7591 true.  I'm very good in beds as well."
7593 A sad spectacle.  If they be inhabited, what a scope for misery and folly.
7594 If they be not inhabited, what a waste of space.
7597 A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
7599 A salamander scurries into flame to be destroyed.
7600 Imaginary creatures are trapped in birth on celluloid.
7603 I don't know what it's about.  I'm just the drummer.  Ask Peter.
7606 		   on Broadway".
7611 their minds.  Others must use their strong backs, legs and hands.  This is
7612 the same in nature as it is with man.  Some animals acquire their food easily,
7613 such as rabbits, hogs and goats.  Other animals must fiercely struggle for
7614 their sustenance, like beavers, moles and ants.  So you see, the nature of
7615 the vocation must fit the individual.
7617 scholar sobbed.
7618 	Queried the Master... "Have you thought of becoming a salesperson?"
7622 die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
7626 the vexation of thinking.
7632 of this necessary reorganization of our lives.
7636 ground.
7637 		-- J.W.N. Sullivan
7641 worth committing.
7644 A sequel is an admission that you've been reduced to imitating yourself.
7650 is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the
7651 multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt...
7654 charges it then might have left.  Professor Goddard, with his "chair" in
7657 better than a vacuum against which to react... Of course he only seems to
7658 lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.
7664 aggression.  Even the more sophisticated feminist thinkers frequently shy
7668 men.  More generally, this has been a weakness of radical politics: to
7671 submission.  To reduce domination to a simple relation of doer and done-to
7672 is to substitute moral outrage for analysis.
7675 A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
7677 A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
7678 		-- Prof. Steiner
7680 A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
7683 A single flow'r he sent me, since we met.
7686 One perfect rose.
7689 "My fragile leaves," it said, "his heart enclose."
7691 One perfect rose.
7696 One perfect rose.
7699 A sinking ship gathers no moss.
7702 A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
7704 A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
7706 A snake lurks in the grass.
7710 African tribe, found a woman still practicing the ancient art of matchmaking.
7711 Locally, she was known as the Moor, the marrier.
7715 which is on its way out.
7716 		-- L. Ron Hubbard
7718 A soft answer turneth away wrath; but grievous words stir up anger.
7721 A soft drink turneth away company.
7724 that looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
7727 A song in time is worth a dime.
7730 family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.  He's only been there a few weeks
7732 and she needs a thousand dollars to take care of it.  The boy calls his folks:
7733 	"How are you?" they ask.
7734 	"Oh, I'm fine," he says.
7736 	"Well, he's kind of depressed.  You see, there's this lady up here
7738 he's the only dog that doesn't know how to talk.  She charges a thousand
7739 dollars."
7741 Lou, and everything's fine until Christmas vacation.  The boy leaves Ol' Blue
7742 at his dorm, 'cause he just can't figure out what to tell his parents.  Sure
7745 	"Well, Pa," says the boy.  "I was driving on home and Old Blue was
7746 talking away about this and that when we passed the Buford's farm.  Old Blue,
7748 that your father's been comin' over here and seeing Mrs. Buford all these
7752 A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny.
7754 A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years.
7755 		-- Harry S. Truman
7759 the probability of there being two bombs on any given flight is very low.
7760 Now, whenever he flies, he carries a bomb with him.
7762 A stitch in time saves nine.
7764 "...A strange enigma is man!"
7765 "Someone calls him a soul concealed in an animal," I suggested.
7766 	"Winwood Reade is good upon the subject," said Holmes.  "He remarked
7768 becomes a mathematical certainty.  You can, for example, never foretell what
7770 will be up to.  Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant.  So says
7771 the statistician."
7774 A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
7776 A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows.
7779 A student, in hopes of understanding the Lambda-nature, came to Greenblatt.
7780 As they spoke a Multics system hacker walked by.  "Is it true", asked the
7783 the student with a stick.
7785 A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
7787 A stunning blonde, but probably all bean dip above the eyebrows.
7790 undreamed of by its author.
7791 		-- S.C. Johnson
7794 thought of.
7800 	A lawyer who looks like a French Nobleman is executed in his place.
7805 	A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed.
7808 	-- by J.R.R. Tolkien
7810 	Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano.
7813 	-- by Wm. Shakespeare
7816 	girl-friend and a mother who won't act her age.
7823 	lady who knits.
7829 	feels guilty and apologizes.
7834 	After working late, a valiant warrior gets lost on his way home.
7836 A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
7838 A team effort is a lot of people doing what I say.
7843 *Boston*."
7844 	"Ever hear of Paul Revere?", snarled the Bostonian.
7845 	"Paul Revere?", pondered the Texan.  "Isn't he the guy who ran for
7848 A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
7849 		-- Oscar Wilde, "The Portrait of Mr. W.H."
7852 but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
7856 fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
7859 wooden legs executing a magnificent series of backflips and cartwheels.
7861 sitting in the yard watching the pig.
7862 	"That's quite a pig you have there, sir" said the salesman.
7863 	"Sure is, son," the farmer replied.  "Why, two years ago, my daughter
7865 pig swam out and dragged her back to shore."
7866 	"Amazing!"  the salesman exclaimed.
7867 	"And that's not the only thing.  Last fall I was cuttin' wood up on
7868 the north forty when a tree fell on me.  Pinned me to the ground, it did.
7869 That pig run up and wiggled underneath that tree and lifted it off of me.
7870 Saved my life."
7871 	"Fantastic!  the salesman said.  But tell me, how come the pig has
7873 	The farmer stared at the newcomer in amazement.  "Mister, when you
7874 got an amazin' pig like that, you don't eat him all at once."
7877 drudge for his living at seventy, sooner than work at anything but his art.
7880 A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
7882 A truly wise woman never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
7885 Beats all the lies you can invent.
7889 when the faculty loses interest in students.
7893 than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with.
7896 A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
7899 A violent man will die a violent death.
7902 A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
7904 A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
7906 A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
7908 A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
7911 A watched clock never boils.
7914 the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
7916 A well-known friend is a treasure.
7918 A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges.
7919 A swift-flowing stream does not grow stagnant.
7920 Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum.
7921 Software rots if not used.
7923 These are great mysteries.
7926 A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.
7930 *for the rest of your life*.
7934 than a fool can from the bottom of a well.
7937 of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.
7939 A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.
7942 A witty saying proves nothing.
7946 let alone discuss with prospective clients.  Still, the fact remains that
7948 completely immune to any direct magical spell.  It is for this group of
7949 beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells.
7951 near your person at all times.
7955 were quite a struggle.
7958 A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
7960 A woman did what a woman had to, the best way she knew how.
7961 To do more was impossible, to do less, unthinkable.
7964 A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.
7968 of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
7972 her beauty has prompted us to be guilty.
7976 thankful for a good one.
7980 she follows.
7984 endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
7989 pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door.
7994 when indulged to in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."
7997 A woman shouldn't have to buy her own perfume.
8000 A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.  Afterwards, the doctor
8001 came to her and said, "I have some... odd news for you."
8002 	"Is my baby all right?" the woman anxiously asked.
8003 	"Yes, he is," the doctor replied, "but we don't know how.  Your son
8004 (we assume) was born with no body.  He only has a head."
8005 	Well, the doctor was correct.  The Head was alive and well, though no
8006 one knew how.  The Head turned out to be fairly normal, ignoring his lack of
8008 the circumstances.
8010 phone call from another doctor.  The doctor said, "I have recently perfected
8011 an operation.  Your son can live a normal life now: we can graft a body onto
8014 up.  She ran up the stairs saying, "Johnny, Johnny, I have a *wonderful*
8018 A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
8021 A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
8022 Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.
8024 A woman's best protection is a little money of her own.
8027 A woman's place is in the house... and in the Senate.
8029 A word to the wise is enough.
8032 A would-be disciple came to Nasrudin's hut on the mountain-side.  Knowing
8034 watched the teacher closely.  "Why do you blow on your hands?"  "To warm
8035 myself in the cold."  Later, Nasrudin poured bowls of hot soup for himself
8036 and the newcomer, and blew on his own.  "Why are you doing that, Master?"
8037 "To cool the soup."  Unable to trust a man who uses the same process
8038 to arrive at two different results -- hot and cold -- the disciple departed.
8041 what he writes fiction.
8044 A yawn is a silent shout.
8045 		-- G.K. Chesterton
8047 A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
8050 bonnet.  Coroner's verdict: "Death from excessive spunk."
8054 a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry-store window.  "Wow, I'd sure love to
8055 have that!" she gushed.
8057 window and grabbing the ring.
8058 	A few blocks later, the woman admired a full-length sable coat.  "What
8059 I'd give to own that," she said, sighing.
8061 the coat.
8062 	Finally, turning for home, they passed a car dealership.  "Boy, I'd do
8063 anything for one of those Rolls-Royces," she said.
8067 walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces.  He turns to a gorgeous
8069 says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace.  If you'll
8070 allow me, I'd like to buy it for you."
8072 pretty nice jewelry, but she has trouble believing this story.
8074 	"No, really.  You see, I've got quite a lot of money -- so much that
8075 I could never spend it all.  I'd really like for you to have it."
8077 calls over a clerk and hands it to him.  The clerk peers at the check, looks
8078 at the young man, looks at the check again.  "Very good, sir.  I'm afraid I
8080 	"That'll be fine, she'll pick it up." the man replies, and walks out
8081 of the store with the woman following him in a daze.
8082 	The next Monday the man comes back in and walks up to the counter.
8084 you this, but your check was returned for insufficient funds."
8085 	"I know," the man replies.  "I just wanted to thank you for a
8086 terrific weekend."
8090 Q: "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any
8093    some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony."
8094 Q: "But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old."
8095 A: "But I never asked anybody how."
8097 A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.
8102 Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
8105 	1: If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
8107 		the question.
8111 on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close.
8117 An angel writing in a book of gold.
8122 Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord."
8123 "And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay not so,"
8124 Replied the angel.  Abou spoke more low,
8126 Write me as one that loves his fellow-men."
8127 The angel wrote, and vanished.  The next night
8130 And lo!  Ben Adhem's name led all the rest.
8133 About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
8135 About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
8138 discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.
8140 About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.
8144 ax.  It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
8145 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
8147 Above all else - sky.
8149 Above all things, reverence yourself.
8151 Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain.  He died in Washington, D.C.
8155 	of a dying relative and miss the return train.
8159 	and miss the return train.
8162 great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.
8166 a little quickens, but much extinguishes it.
8169 Absence is to love what wind is to fire.  It extinguishes the small,
8170 it enkindles the great.
8172 Absence makes the heart forget.
8174 Absence makes the heart go wander.
8176 Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
8179 Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
8181 Absence makes the heart grow frantic.
8185 	acquaintances; defamed; slandered.
8189 	to remove themselves from the sphere of exaction.
8191 Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
8193 Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)
8198 	temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
8203 and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects.  Of the white-collar
8205 their neck circumference.  The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was
8206 evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test.  Results of the CFF
8209 immediately when tight neckwear was removed.
8210 		-- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the
8211 		   Neck in Relation to Visual Performance."  Human Factors 29,
8212 		   #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71.
8216 	inconsistent with one's own opinion.
8219 because the stakes are so low.
8222 Academicians care, that's who.
8225 	A modern school where football is taught.
8227 	An archaic school where football is not taught.
8229 Accent on helpful side of your nature.  Drain the moat.
8231 Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
8234 	An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.
8237 religion.  Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic
8238 of Western science.
8243 Western science.
8248 	but absence of body is better.
8253 in a singular manner.  A gentleman with whom he was hunting attempted to
8255 Colonel's hat.  One shot took effect in his forehead.
8258 Accidents cause History.
8264 the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.
8268 everyone should do at least 6 times a day.  In an effort to increase the
8271 most importantly, to smile.  Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly
8272 that they can not only meet but surpass the national average...  except for
8273 Tubby Ackerman.  But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around
8275 decided to give him a break.  If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have
8276 a sheepish grin.  This is where the expression, "Service with a slightly
8277 sheepish grin" comes from.
8280 there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.
8286 the returns."
8289 and according to convention, there is an order.  In truth, there are atoms
8290 and a void.
8291 		-- Democritus, 400 B.C.
8293 According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
8297 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
8300 America is the city of Pittsburgh.  The city of New York came in twenty-fifth.
8301 Here in New York we really don't care too much.  Because we know that we could
8302 beat up their city anytime.
8306 	A bagpipe with pleats.
8309 	The vice of being right.
8311 Acid -- better living through chemistry.
8313 Acid absorbs 47 times its own weight in excess Reality.
8317 	enough to lend to.  A degree of friendship called slight when the
8318 	object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
8321 Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
8323 Acting is not very hard.  The most important things are to be able to laugh
8324 and cry.  If I have to cry, I think of my sex life.  And if I have to laugh,
8325 well, I think of my sex life.
8332 Edward G. Robinson	Emmanual Goldenburg
8336 Richard Burton		Richard Jenkins Jr.
8342 	dishes for Chinese restaurants.
8345 Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.
8349 Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
8352 will be going in the right direction.  Proof by induction:
8354 N=1.	Trivially true, since both you and the elevator
8355 	only have one floor to go to.
8359 	induction hypothesis.  If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you
8360 	and the elevator have only one choice, namely down.  Therefore,
8361 	it is true for all N+1 floors.
8362 QED.
8364 Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars by aspiration.)
8368 	Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop
8369 	an ADA awareness.
8373 	Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in Computing.
8374 	Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."
8376 ADA, n.:
8378 Computing.  Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA
8379 awareness."
8381 Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit.
8382 [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]
8386 functionality -- it just makes the manuals thicker.
8388 Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
8389 		-- F. Brooks, "The Mythical Man-Month"
8393 scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein.
8397 putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.
8402 decorous age.
8407 	and from the bureaucrats.
8410 	Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
8413 	The stage between puberty and adultery.
8416 	To venerate expectantly.
8419 	One old enough to know better.
8421 Adults die young.
8423 Advancement in position.
8426 truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
8429 Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.
8433 intelligence long enough to get money from it.
8438 	that it is curable.
8440 Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.
8442 Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
8466 	* An upside-down blossom reverses the meaning.
8469 comparative law.  In Germany, under the law, everything is prohibited,
8470 except that which is permitted.  In France, under the law, everything
8471 is permitted, except that which is prohibited.  In the Soviet Union,
8473 permitted.  And in Italy, under the law, everything is permitted,
8474 especially that which is prohibited.
8478 After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out.
8480 more advanced than the lichen family.
8483 After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
8495 Is too uncertain.  And futures have
8497 After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
8499 For someone to bring you flowers.
8500 And you learn that you really can endure...
8504 With every goodbye you learn.
8508 a lot of old, well-known quotations.
8509 		-- H.L. Mencken, on Shakespeare
8511 After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
8513 After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.
8520 		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
8524 sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
8525 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
8528 extra components will be found on the bench.
8531 month than you did before.
8535 James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc.  These pioneers conducted many important
8536 electrical experiments.  For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this
8539 though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway.
8541 medicine.  Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been
8544 that it sinks like a stone.
8548 Heaven.  As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought,
8550 to be created."
8551 	"This is true," He replied.
8552 	"He will need laws," said the Demon slyly.
8556 his own."
8557 	It was so granted.
8559 After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages,
8561 in a wheelchair.  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his
8563 judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $500,000.
8565 Miller was confronted by several executives.  "You're not getting away with
8566 this, Miller," one said.  "We're going to watch you day and night.  If you
8568 perjury.  Here's the money.  What do you intend to do with it?"
8569 	"My wife and I are going to travel," Miller replied.  "We'll go to
8571 where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one hell of a miracle."
8574 but you believe everything.  Just in case.
8576 ...[after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles
8580 Russians might beat the Americans into orbit.  "I wouldn't care if they
8581 did," he responded.  (It was later claimed that Wilson favored the
8583 one foot in his mouth.)
8586 After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.
8591 with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags.  Some Iraqi soldiers
8592 carried bleach with them to make their dark shirts white.
8596 cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
8599 throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments.  Harvey
8603 with Millikan.  Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions
8605 Physics Today, June 1982, page 43.  In it, Fletcher claims that he was the
8607 single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil.
8610 charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
8615 Nobel Prize in 1923.
8618 the man who said, "No news is good news."  In twenty-eight papers, only
8620 any interest...  but even then the interest items are usually buried
8621 deep around paragraph 16 on the jump (or "Cont.  on ...")  page...
8623 The Post will have a story about Muskie making a speech in Iowa.  The
8624 Star will say the same thing, and the Journal will say nothing at all.
8628 neck.  They grappled briefly, but the struggle was kicked apart by an
8629 oriental woman who seemed to be in control."
8631 Now that's good journalism.  Totally objective; very active and
8632 straight to the point.
8633 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
8636 indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.
8642 	about how we wasted the morning.
8644 Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
8651 From every opening flower!		With the sweet food she makes.
8656 For idle hands to do.			Some good account at last.
8659 Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain.
8662 Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
8665 at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.
8668 	Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
8670 Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
8686 Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
8688 Ahhhhhh... the smell of cuprinol and mahogany.  It
8689 excites me to... acts of passion... acts of... ineptitude.
8691 Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts.
8692 Raygun himself:  Tell them they'll have to help themselves.
8693 Aide to Raygun:  Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion.
8694 Raygun himself:  Tell them to help themselves.
8696 Aim for the moon.  If you miss, you may hit a star.
8697 		-- W. Clement Stone
8699 Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.
8703 bring me a message from a young man.
8706 "Ain't that something what happened today.  One of us got traded to
8707 Kansas City."
8709 		   been traded.
8713 	a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.
8717 	Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.
8719 Air is water with holes in it.
8721 Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.
8723 Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.
8727 Al didn't smile for forty years.  You've got to admire a man like that.
8732 as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.
8733 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
8738 Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
8742 	A prelude to "No."
8745 or not.  Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has
8746 a beginning and an end.  Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and
8747 Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
8752 	of minimum tolerable well-being.
8754 Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions.
8755 The surest poison is time.
8758 Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
8763 	   of pregnancy.
8764 	2: Always be backlit.
8765 	3: Sit down whenever possible.
8770 Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.
8775 in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.
8777 Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was
8778 the closest our country has ever been to being even.
8781 Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
8784 Algebraic symbols are used when you don't know what you're talking about.
8787 important programming language yet developed.
8788 		-- T. Cheatham
8791 	Trendy dance for hip programmers.
8793 Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
8796 make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.
8799 Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
8802 Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.
8805 Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
8807 Aliquid melius quam pessimum optimum non est.
8812 All in mail ever clinking.
8814 All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
8816 All art is but imitation of nature.
8819 All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
8821 All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.
8825 All constants are variables.
8827 All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means.
8830 All flesh is grass.
8832 Smoke a friend today.
8834 All generalizations are false, including this one.
8837 All God's children are not beautiful.  Most of God's children are, in fact,
8838 barely presentable.
8841 All Gods were immortal.
8842 		-- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"
8844 All great discoveries are made by mistake.
8847 All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
8849 All heiresses are beautiful.
8852 All his life he has looked away... to the horizon, to the sky,
8853 to the future.  Never his mind on where he was, on what he was doing.
8859 All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
8862 ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas.
8867 an end, as in the well-built phrase and the long sonata of the dead.
8871 Is a reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine.
8873 A reefer, a woman and a bottle of wine.
8876 I want to wash in a bathtub of gold.
8878 I want to wash in a bathtub of gold.
8881 I like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills.
8883 I like to have a cattle ranch in Beverly Hills.
8886 All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
8889 All intelligent species own cats.
8891 All is fear in love and war.
8893 All is well that ends well.
8897 throne of any country in Western Europe and Laurie Anderson.  "Be
8898 practical", was the choral reply from the dinner table.  Well, Laurie
8901 that have queens as sovereign rulers.  That's probably my best shot.
8903 All kings is mostly rapscallions.
8906 All laws are simulations of reality.
8907 		-- John C. Lilly
8909 All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities.
8912 All men have the right to wait in line.
8915 but they do not know the utility of futility.
8918 All men profess honesty as long as they can.
8919 To believe all men honest would be folly.
8920 To believe none so is something worse.
8924 a cat, no maybe a dog.  Ummm, scratch one of the kids and add a dog.
8925 Definitely a dog.
8928 and exaggerated sense of their own importance.
8930 All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
8932 All my friends and I are crazy.
8933 That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
8938 They're all doing what they're told.
8940 All my life I wanted to be someone; I guess I should have been more specific.
8944 	Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
8947 the hills after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.
8950 the principal business of life is to enjoy it.
8952 All of the people in my building are insane.  The guy above me designs
8953 synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.  The lady across the hall tried to
8954 rob a department store... with a pricing gun...  She said, "Give me all
8955 of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."
8961 "Just lie down on the floor and keep calm."
8964 All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember that the
8965 parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you.  Therefore, if you
8966 can't get them together again, there must be a reason.  By all means, do
8967 not use a hammer.
8970 All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.
8973 All phone calls are obscene.
8976 All possibility of understanding is rooted in the ability to say no.
8979 All programmers are optimists.  Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts
8980 those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers.  Perhaps the hundreds
8982 goal.  Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger,
8983 and the young are always optimists.  But however the selection process works,
8985 the last bug."
8988 All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
8991 to live beyond its income.
8994 All science is either physics or stamp collecting.
8998 to approximate a state akin to Gaussian noise.
9001 All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.
9004 All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
9006 All that glitters has a high refractive index.
9008 All that glitters is not gold; all that wander are not lost.
9013 Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
9017 The crownless again shall be king.
9018 	        -- J.R.R. Tolkien
9021 provided you use them for business purposes.  For example, if you subscribe
9023 the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S.  Supreme Court Chief
9029 has not yet been collected, so there's still hope.
9039 And by a bird it was said!		Not to mention its gender.
9042 Both gloom and of light.		Whose author's unknown
9044 And starts the day right.		Even now that I'm grown?
9049 "I tot I taw a puddy tat."
9052 All the men on my staff can type.
9055 ...all the modern inconveniences...
9058 All the really good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.
9061 All the simple programs have been written.
9063 All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
9065 All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately un-rehearsed.
9072 His sizeof being N bytes.  At first the infant,
9073 Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms.
9076 Unwillingly to school.
9079 All things are possible, except for skiing through a revolving door.
9081 All things being equal, you are bound to lose.
9083 All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
9087 it's for fun.  Money's just the way we keep score.
9090 All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
9093 become null and void upon payment of invoice.
9096 other, talking and trying to listen at the same time, exchanging information.
9098 our lives."
9102 Happiness was born a twin.
9105 All your files have been destroyed (sorry).  Paul.
9108 	When all else fails, read the instructions.
9113 	that they cannot safely plunder a third.
9116 All's well that ends.
9119 about today's software design would be accurate.
9120 		-- K.E. Iverson
9123 	In bad company.
9125 Also, the Scots are said to have invented golf.  Then they had
9126 to invent Scotch whiskey to take away the pain and frustration.
9128 alta, v:	To change; make or become different; modify.
9129 ansa, v:	A spoken or written reply, as to a question.
9130 baa, n:		A place people meet to have a few drinks.
9131 Baaston, n:	The capital of Massachusetts.
9132 baaba, n:	One whose business is to cut or trim hair or beards.
9134 			found in baas.
9135 caaa, n:	An automobile.
9136 centa, n:	A point around which something revolves; axis.  (Or
9137 			someone involved with the Knicks.)
9138 chouda, n:	A thick seafood soup, often in a milk base.
9139 dada, n:	Information, esp. information organized for analysis or
9140 			computation.
9146 reason.  He knows it because he fired the guy.
9148 bought it because I figured it was safe to buy IBM,'"  Mr. O'Neil says.
9149 "I said, 'No.  Wrong.  Game over.  Next contestant, please.'"
9157 of the professional gamekeeper.  Unfortunately, one is obliged to wade
9160 reviewer's opinion the book cannot take the place of J.R. Miller's "Practical
9161 Gamekeeping."
9162 		-- Ed Zern, "Field and Stream", Nov., 1959
9164 Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
9166 Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
9169 Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
9171 Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
9173 Always run from a knife and rush a gun.
9176 Always store beer in a dark place.
9178 Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
9182 into which no one is able to enter, invite them as we may.
9185 helps you forget your last rotten idea.
9188 AMAZING BUT TRUE...
9190 	end across the Sahara Desert, the smell would be absolutely awful.
9192 AMAZING BUT TRUE...
9194 	were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.
9197 	Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
9200 	Telling the truth when you don't mean to.
9202 Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
9207 	living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
9210 America: born free and taxed to death.
9212 America has been discovered before, but it has always been hushed up.
9218 America is a melting pot.  You know, where those on the bottom get burned,
9219 and the scum rises to the top.
9222 America is a stronger nation for the ACLU's uncompromising effort.
9223 		 -- President John F. Kennedy
9227 living, honored rules of conduct amongst us...I'm glad the American Civil
9228 Liberties Union gets indignant, and I hope this will always be so.
9229 		 -- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson
9232 from time to time threaten freedoms everywhere... Indeed, it is difficult
9236 by the majority they were at the time.
9240 supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks.
9243 from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization.
9248 name to "America".
9254 be honest and hardworking.  It has even stopped hoping for employees who
9256 and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.
9259 American by birth; Texan by the grace of God.
9261 American cars are made shoddily...
9262 Cars made overseas are far superior.
9263 		-- Sen. Barry Goldwater
9266 we allow them short of hanging.
9269 America is a large friendly dog in a small room.  Every time it wags its
9270 tail it knocks over a chair.
9274 everybody and still nobody likes him.
9277 Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
9280 to have been a phenomenon, not a civilization.
9283 America's best buy for a quarter is a telephone call to the right person.
9285 Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
9289 	and divide at the same time.
9291 Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman.
9292 	-- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407.
9294 Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
9296 An acid is like a woman:  a good one will eat through your pants.
9299 An actor's a guy who if you ain't talkin' about him, ain't listening.
9303 in trouble and says 'Beam me up, Scotty'.
9305 An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
9308 his apple trees to graze on the apples.  A Texas student walked by and
9312 An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
9315 An algorithm must be seen to be believed.
9316 		-- D.E. Knuth
9319 to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country.
9323 to a motion may not be amended.  However, a substitute for an amendment to
9324 and amendment to a motion may be adopted and the substitute may be amended.
9326 		language.
9328 An American is a man with two arms and four wheels.
9332 winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen.  He was amazed to find that
9335 let it spill out).  The American said with a nervous laugh,
9338 Bohr chuckled.
9339 	"I believe no such thing, my good friend.  Not at all.  I am
9340 scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense.  However, I am told
9341 that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not."
9344 about the fact that not many people in Russia own cars.
9348 Russian:	"We take the bus, or the subway.  We have public
9349 		transportation everywhere."
9351 R:		"We take the train."
9353 R:		"We don't ever want go abroad."
9355 R:		"We take tanks."
9358 the president but is always polite to traffic cops.
9362 not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
9366 it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.
9370 him last.
9373 An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
9375 An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
9377 An atom-blaster is a good weapon, but it can point both ways.
9383 must excite your languid spleen.
9391 which would certainly not content me.
9394 		-- W.S. Gilbert, "Patience"
9398 murder.  "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's
9399 mutilated body into a suitcase and heading for the Mexican border.
9401 suitcase.  Now, I would like to stress that my client is *not* a
9402 murderer.  A sloppy packer, maybe..."
9404 An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
9407 Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money.
9409 An editor is one who separates the wheat from the chaff and prints the chaff.
9412 An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
9415 itself equally in small as in great matters.
9416 		-- W. Churchill
9419 in mid-air, on both sides of an issue.
9423 when a terrible storm forced them to land on an uninhabited island.  When
9425 despondent silence. Finally, the woman asked her husband if he had made his
9426 usual pledge to the United Way Campaign.
9428 barked.  "If you really need to know, I not only pledged a half million but
9429 I've already paid them half of it."
9430 	"You owe the U.W.C. a *quarter million*?" the woman exclaimed
9431 euphorically.  "Don't worry, Harry, they'll find us!  They'll find us!"
9433 An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
9437 already heard.  After some observations and rough calculations the
9438 engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing.  A few minutes later
9440 has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper.  This leaves the
9444 trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.
9446 An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN.
9448 An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
9449 		-- A.P. Herbert
9451 An evil mind is a great comfort.
9453 An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch.  He wears
9456 Protestant Golfer Magazine.  The advertisements are written in
9460 "The Rolex Hyperion.  An elegant new standard in quality excellence and
9461 discriminating handcraftsmanship.  For the individual who is truly able
9463 things by hand.  Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold.  No watch
9464 parts or anything.  Just a great big chunk on your wrist.  Truly a
9465 timeless statement.  For the individual who is very secure.  Who
9466 doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful.
9468 school.  Because of his acne.  People who are probably nowhere near as
9469 successful as he is now.  Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and
9470 they'll see his Rolex Hyperion.  Hahahahahahahahaha."
9473 ...an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and quite often
9474 picturesque liar.
9478 very narrow field.
9482 as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
9486 and less until he knows absolutely nothing about everything.
9489 Saw an eye in a green face.
9493 Not in high place."
9496 Who controlled the system; graphics was his sport.
9498 Many a protected file he had sitting on his table.
9502 Where my lord Hacker was Prior of the cell.
9506 And took the modern world's more spacious way.
9508 Which says that Hackers are not holy men.
9510 Fish out of water, flapping on the pier.
9511 That is to say, a hacker out of his cloister.
9512 That was a text he held not worth an oyster.
9520 		[well, almost.  Ed.]
9522 An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought.
9525 There are honest journalists like there are honest politicians.  When
9526 bought they stay bought.
9529 An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
9532 An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
9534 An idealist is one who helps the other fellow to make a profit.
9537 An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
9540 is to allow oneself to be devoured.
9543 An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
9549 by the corresponding row and column labels.
9553 An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
9557 in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
9558 	"Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
9560 an hour.  But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
9561 hour seems like a minute."
9568 a deeply loved family member.  The old man is in a light coma, and the doctors
9570 hours.  Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes whispers: "I must be dreaming
9571 of heaven...  I smell my daughter Lisle's strudel."
9572 	"No, no, grandfather, you are not dreaming", he is reassured.
9573 "Grandmother is baking strudel right now."
9574 	A faint smile crosses the old man's face.  "Go an get me a sliver of
9575 strudel," he says, "she bakes the finest strudel in the world."
9577 man's request, and, after what seems a long time, he returns empty-handed.
9578 	"Did you bring me some of Lisle's strudel?", the old man quavers.
9579 	"I'm... I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the
9580 funeral."
9582 An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
9585 An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage.
9586 A pessimist is a married optimist.
9588 An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
9590 An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
9593 An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
9597 but it's better than no government at all.
9600 was a small pile of rocks with the one word, "unless."
9601 Whatever THAT meant, well, I just couldn't guess.
9603 I've worried and worried and worried away.
9605 I've worried about it with all of my heart.
9610 nothing is going to get better - it's not.
9611 So... CATCH!" cries the Oncler.  He lets something fall.
9612 "It's a truffula seed.  It's the last one of all!
9614 "You're in charge of the last of the truffula seeds.
9615 And truffula trees are what everyone needs.
9616 Plant a new truffula -- treat it with care.
9617 Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
9618 Grow a forest -- protect it from axes that hack.
9628 	The grateful dead.
9629 		-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.
9634 provideth that they are nice and fresh.'
9640 provideth that they are nice and fresh."
9659 In England's green and pleasant land.
9665 love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
9668 And he climbed with the lad up the Eiffelberg Tower.  "This," cried the Mayor,
9670 to come to the aid of their country!" he said.  "We've GOT to make noises in
9672 spoke as he climbed.  When they got to the top, the lad cleared his throat and
9674 	And that Yopp...  That one last small, extra Yopp put it over!
9676 They rang out clear and clean.  And they elephant smiled.  "Do you see what
9677 I mean?" They've proved they ARE persons, no matter how small.  And their
9679 	"How true!  Yes, how true," said the big kangaroo.  "And, from now
9682 the sun in the summer.  From rain when it's fall-ish, I'm going to protect
9683 them.  No matter how small-ish!"
9684 		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
9692 And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
9698 ones.  The big ones you get used to, you make up your mind to them.  The
9700 them, aren't braced against them.
9705 Addams -- he was good for nothing."
9709 Like the mystics and statistics say it will.
9711 Until I've paid my bill.
9719 As I am heading for the sink.
9721 Along with half of my last drink.
9724 Be true to yourself and the Grateful Dead.
9728 what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail.  No exceptions.
9731 And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man.
9732 		-- A.E. Housman
9734 And miles to go before I sleep.
9736 And now for something completely the same.
9741 And your output's clean as light..	Your pictures and signs.
9746 Lacks your clean velocity.		We're system untounged-
9751 We've been waiting for you.		And this crufty rhyme.
9753 Dover, oh Dover,		Dover, oh Dover, arisen from dead.
9754 We welcome you back,		Dover, oh Dover, awoken from bed.
9755 Though still you may jam,	Dover, oh Dover, welcome back to the Lab.
9756 You're on the right track.	Dover, oh Dover, we've missed your clean
9757 					hand...
9759 And on the eighth day, we bulldozed it.
9761 And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
9763 ...and report cards I was always afraid to show
9781 Turned a whiter shade of pale.
9784 And that's the way it is...
9787 And the crowd was stilled.  One elderly man, wondering at the sudden silence,
9788 turned to the Child and asked him to repeat what he had said.  Wide-eyed,
9797 growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress.
9798 		-- S.J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation"
9801 When the plunging hooves were gone...
9805 with a plowshare, he's going to know he's been hit.
9807 And this is a table ma'am.  What in essence it consists of is a horizontal
9809 which we call legs.  The tables in this laboratory, ma'am, are as advanced
9810 in design as one will find anywhere in the world.
9816 And the Cabots talk only to God.
9818 And tomorrow will be like today, only more so.
9829 Comissariat of Railroads ... would hold forth for hours on end about the
9831 give advice.  One such pernicious piece of advice was to increase the size
9832 of freight trains and not worry about heavier than average loads.  The GPU
9838 engineers who protested became known as limiters ... they were rightly
9839 shot for their lack of faith in the possibilities of socialist transport.
9840 		-- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"
9842 And... What in the world ever became of Sweet Jane?
9843 	She's lost her sparkle, you see she isn't the same.
9853 license of a child, and yet been man enough to know its value.
9857 a sense of humor, as does history.  Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks
9858 tragedy, and this too is historic.  And yet, still, when corn meets
9859 tragedy face to face, we have politics.
9864 because the bars close every time you're thirsty...
9868 and making yourself like everybody else.  You feel that, don't you?"  said
9869 he, earnestly.
9873 	Never bestow profanity upon a driver who has wronged you.
9875 	it isn't and he can.
9878 	Fear of men.
9880 Anger is momentary madness.
9883 Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
9885 Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
9886 Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
9889 Ankh if you love Isis.
9903 	functionary already sufficiently slippery.
9905 Another day, another dollar.
9906 		-- Vincent J. Fuller, defense lawyer for John Hinckley,
9908 		   Reagan.
9910 Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
9912 Another megabytes the dust.
9917 whiter teeth *and* fresher breath.
9920 Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
9923 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.
9928 	corner of the workshop.
9932 	your toes.
9934 Antique fairy tale: Little Red Riding Hood.
9935 Modern fairy tale: Oswald, acting alone, shot Kennedy.
9937 Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude.
9943 Miss Lucamy Lucy Molonio.		And found the maid
9945 					Sitting and knitting alonio.
9950 An icery creamry conio.			And all that I wish
9952 					Is that you will quickly begonio.
9957 in the Antarctical Zonio.
9960 	The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
9964 Alfas, Fiats, and Lancias full of excited Italians.  These people love fast
9965 cars.  But they love sport too and no passing encounter goes unchallenged.
9967 them at 130-plus -- to see if you're paying attention.
9969 		   cars across Europe.
9972 which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.
9974 Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
9978 mountain in a fog.  But I would rather, by far, die on a mountainside
9979 than in bed.  What kind of man would live where there is no daring?
9984 Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
9988 country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole week.
9991 wise person to be able to sell it.
9994 how to lie well.
9998 stupid.
10001 Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
10003 Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
10006 a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance, my
10008 fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly
10009 true.
10012 Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
10017 requires a heroism which is transcendent.
10020 Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
10021 		-- Leo Rosten, on W.C. Fields
10024 liable to a fine of one pound.  Any animal leading a blind person shall
10025 be deemed to be a cat.
10028 "Any news from the President on a successor?" he asked hopefully.
10029 "None," Anita replied.  "She's having great difficulty finding someone
10030 qualified who is willing to accept the post."
10031 	"Then I stay," said Dr. Fresh.  "I'm not good for much, but I
10032 can at least make a decision."
10035 up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind."
10036 		-- R.L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly"
10038 Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
10042 at least two people a year without explanation.
10045 Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
10048 Any program which runs right is obsolete.
10050 Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
10052 Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.  Climb the mountain
10053 just a little to test it's a mountain.  From the top of the mountain, you
10054 cannot see the mountain.
10057 Any road followed to its end leads precisely nowhere.
10058 Climb the mountain just a little to test it's a mountain.
10059 From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain.
10063 dropped will hide under a larger object.
10065 Any sufficiently advanced bug becomes a feature.
10067 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
10069 Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
10072 Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.
10073 		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
10075 Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
10077 Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it.  No citizen
10078 has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government.
10079 		-- J.P. Morgan
10082 organising and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
10086 sight of a police car is probably parked.
10088 Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
10092 and in the right way -- that is not easy.
10096 supposed to be doing.
10098 Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm.
10101 "Anyone can say 'no'. It is the first word a child learns and often the
10102 first word he speaks. It is a cheap word because it requires no
10105 thought on every occasion."
10106                 -- Chuck Jones (Warner Bros. animation director.)
10108 Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty.
10110 Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
10112 bathe and not make messes in the house.
10115 Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
10116 		-- R. Heinlein
10118 Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.
10124 mold!" in the mouth of a hotel cocktail waitress.
10128 knows five or six more things than someone who hasn't.
10132 as the strawberries, knows nothing about grapes.
10136 should on no account be allowed to do the job.
10141 particular religious faith is never a happy arrangement for the people.
10144 Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
10147 Anything anybody can say about America is true.
10150 Anything cut to length will be too short.
10152 Anything free is worth what you'll pay for it.
10154 Anything is good and useful if it's made of chocolate.
10156 Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
10158 Anything is possible on paper.
10161 Anything is possible, unless it's not.
10163 Anything labeled "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" isn't.
10164 The label means the price went up.
10166 means the price went way up.
10168 Anything that is worth doing has been done frequently.  Things hitherto
10169 undone should be given, I suspect, a wide berth.
10172 Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
10174 Anytime things appear to be going better, you've overlooked something.
10177 big field of rye and all.  Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around --
10178 nobody big, I mean -- except me.  And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy
10179 cliff.  What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go
10181 going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them.  That's all I'd do
10182 all day.  I'd just be the catcher in the rye.  I know it;  I know it's crazy,
10183 but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.  I know it's crazy.
10184 		-- J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye"
10186 Apathy Club meeting this Friday.
10187 If you want to come, you're not invited.
10193 aphorism, n.:
10194 	A concise, clever statement.
10195 afterism, n.:
10196 	A concise, clever statement you don't think of until too late.
10199 APL hackers do it in the quad.
10201 APL is a mistake, carried through to perfection.  It is the language of the
10203 of coding bums.
10204 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
10207 ...and is best for educational purposes.
10208 		-- A. Perlis
10210 APL is a write-only language.  I can write programs
10211 in APL, but I can't read any of them.
10214 Appearances often are deceiving.
10218 	A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.
10221 	The echo of a platitude from the mouth of a fool.
10224 April is the cruellest month...
10229 	faucet on and off with your toes.
10232 aquadextrous, adj.:
10234 with your toes.
10238 	You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
10239 	You lie a great deal.  On the other hand, you are inclined to be
10241 	and over again.  People think you are stupid.
10243 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
10244 	A friend will step forward and confide in you about your breath.  Rely
10246 	of trouble.  Be relaxed, things will change.  Look for a pink slip on
10247 	payday.  Stop wetting your bed.
10249 AQUARIUS (Jan.20 - Feb.18)
10251 	you want.  Don't expect things to get any better today, either.
10252 	As a matter of fact they might get worse.  Intensify your
10254 	able to lend you a few bucks.
10258 cold.  You get a bottle, a poster bed, and the brightest colored stocking
10259 cap you can find.  You put the cap on the post at the foot of the bed,
10260 then get into bed and drink aquavit until you can't see the cap.  I've
10261 never tried this, but it sounds as though it should work.
10270 representing other bishops, after a lengthy debate, took a vote.
10271 The results were 32 yes, 31 no.  Women were declared human by one
10272 vote.
10275 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10277 	Are you sure you're telling the truth?  Think hard.
10284 	If that's the worst pain you'll ever feel, you should be thankful.
10285 	You can't fool me.  I know what you're thinking.
10286 	If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all.
10289 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10291 	Do as I say, not as I do.
10292 	Do me a favour and don't tell me about it.  I don't want to know.
10294 	If it didn't taste bad, it wouldn't be good for you.
10295 	When I was your age...
10296 	I won't love you if you keep doing that.
10297 	Think of all the starving children in India.
10298 	If there's one thing I hate, it's a liar.
10299 	I'm going to kill you.
10300 	Way to go, clumsy.
10301 	If you don't like it, you can lump it.
10304 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10306 	Go away.  You bother me.
10307 	Why?   Because life is unfair.
10308 	That's a nice drawing.  What is it?
10309 	Children should be seen and not heard.
10310 	You'll be the death of me.
10311 	You'll understand when you're older.
10312 	Because.
10313 	Wipe that smile off your face.
10314 	I don't believe you.
10316 	Just because.
10319 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10321 	Good children always obey.
10322 	Quit acting so childish.
10323 	Boys don't cry.
10324 	If you keep making faces, someday it'll freeze that way.
10326 	This hurts me more than it hurts you.
10327 	Why?  Because I'm bigger than you.
10328 	Well, you've ruined everything.  Now are you happy?
10329 	Oh, grow up.
10330 	I'm only doing this because I love you.
10333 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10336 	I'm only doing this for your own good.
10338 		cry about.
10340 	Someday you'll thank me for this.
10341 	You'd lose your head if it weren't attached.
10343 	If you keep sucking your thumb, it'll fall off.
10344 	Why?  Because I said so.
10345 	I hope you have a kid just like yourself.
10348 say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...
10350 	You wouldn't understand.
10351 	You ask too many questions.
10352 	In order to be a man, you have to learn to follow orders.
10353 	That's for me to know and you to find out.
10354 	Don't let those bullies push you around.  Go in there and stick
10355 		up for yourself.
10356 	You're acting too big for your britches.
10357 	Well, you broke it.  Now are you satisfied?
10358 	Wait till your father gets home.
10359 	Bored?  If you're bored, I've got some chores for you.
10360 	Shape up or ship out.
10365 "No, ma'am.  We're musicians."
10371 No, Ma'am.  Just a burglar, come to ransack the flat."
10386 	Rate yourself on the nerd-o-matic scale. (1 point for each YES answer)
10387 0-2  -- You are really hip, a real cool cat, a hoopy frood.
10388 3-5  -- There is hope for you yet.
10389 6-7  -- Uh-oh, trouble in River City.
10390 8-10 -- Your immortal soul is in peril.
10393 Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours.
10397 in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
10398 		-- O. Wilde
10400 Arguments with furniture are rarely productive.
10403 	You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.  You are
10404 	quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.  You are not
10405 	very nice.
10407 ARIES (Mar.21 - Apr.19)
10410 	got a mean streak in you a mile wide.
10414 	the world's developed countries.
10416 Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
10420 	To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
10424 Union.
10425 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
10428 	Virtue is the failure to achieve vice.
10432 	it is surely made out to someone else.
10435 	Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
10438 	1.) If it should exist, it doesn't.
10439 	2.) If it does exist, it's out of date.
10440 	3.) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the
10441 	    first two laws.
10444 a satirical zoological-fantasy called "Le Carnaval des Animaux."  Aside from
10446 to be published or even performed until a year had elapsed after his death.
10447 (He died in 1921.)
10450 fantasy...
10458 incomplete and saying: "Now it's complete because it's ended here."
10461 Art is a jealous mistress.
10464 Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth.
10467 Art is anything you can get away with.
10468 		-- Marshall McLuhan.
10470 Art is Nature speeded up and God slowed down.
10473 Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
10476 	1.  People to whom you are attracted invariably think you
10477 	    remind them of someone else.
10478 	2.  The love letter you finally got the courage to send will
10480 	    of yourself in person.
10484 	enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
10485 	guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.
10488 	and not the "feeder".  Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
10489 	face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.
10493 	lights are out.  They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
10494 	to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
10498 artificial flowers have to flowers.
10501 Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
10503 As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
10506 interested in the basic nature of humor.  "What kind of a sick perverted
10512 I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist.
10513 This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
10518 scientist.  This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
10519 		-- M. Cartmill
10522 a few, three flies buzz down from the ceiling and lazily circle each drinker.
10524 glass.
10526 with a spoon,  flicks the fly over his shoulder, and drains the glass.
10527 	The Aussie notices the fly as he puts the glass to his lips.  With
10529 down in one gulp.
10531 fly by its wings, lifts it out of his brew and shakes it off.  Then, in a
10532 firm voice he speaks to the fly: "There y'are now laddie, safe and sound.
10535 As crazy as hauling timber into the woods.
10539 the meaning of existence.  Both make one feel like a baby clutching at
10540 a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off.
10544 and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
10547 As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
10550 As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods; they kill us for their sport.
10554 We may live with, but cannot live without 'em.
10557 As Gen. de Gaulle occasionally acknowledges America to be the daughter
10558 of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard.
10559 		-- J.F. Kennedy
10561 As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
10564 the potato salad.
10569 to anything -- less likely.  Brian now realizes this and has, after eleven
10570 years, left the sect he was associated with.  The problem is that once the
10574 surprisingly ineffective in changing the believer's mind.
10581 As I thought, no better from this side.
10586 There I met a C.R.T.
10587 	And it drop't me a cursor.
10589 C.R.T., C.R.T.,
10592 	I'd spend them all at you.
10596 I met a Quux with seven hacks.
10599 Every manifestation had seven symptoms.
10612 And Texaco's a beauty cream that's used by every star.
10617 And people over sixty-five should bathe in Lipton tea.
10620 kill a process if you know its true name.
10621 		-- Ken Thompson and Dennis M. Ritchie
10625 in the fragmented world of IBM.  That realm is now a chaos of conflicting
10626 norms and standards that not even IBM can hope to control.  You can buy a
10628 IBM itself.  Renegades from IBM constantly set up rival firms and establish
10629 standards of their own.  When IBM recently abandoned some of its original
10632 innovator.  Still, the IBM world is united by its distrust of icons and
10633 imagery.  IBM's screens are designed for language, not pictures.  Graven
10635 on the austerity of the word.
10639 industries are secure.  We hear about constitutional rights, free speech
10640 and the free press.  Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That
10641 man is a Red, that man is a Communist".  You never hear a real American
10642 talk like that.
10649 The Problem, saving the documentation for later.
10651 As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination.
10652 When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
10655 As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
10657 useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
10661  1. I salivate at the sight of mittens.
10662  2. If I go into the street, I'm apt to be bitten by a horse.
10663  3. Some people never look at me.
10664  4. Spinach makes me feel alone.
10665  5. My sex life is A-okay.
10666  6. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
10667  7. I like to kill mosquitoes.
10668  8. Cousins are not to be trusted.
10669  9. It makes me embarrassed to fall down.
10670 10. I get nauseous from too much roller skating.
10671 11. I think most people would cry to gain a point.
10672 12. I cannot read or write.
10673 13. I am bored by thoughts of death.
10674 14. I become homicidal when people try to reason with me.
10675 15. I would enjoy the work of a chicken flicker.
10676 16. I am never startled by a fish.
10677 17. My mother's uncle was a good man.
10678 18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten.
10679 19. People who break the law are wise guys.
10680 20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
10682 As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
10684 useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
10688  1. I think beavers work too hard.
10689  2. I use shoe polish to excess.
10690  3. God is love.
10691  4. I like mannish children.
10692  5. I have always been disturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
10693  6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
10694  7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
10695  8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
10696  9. I believe I smell as good as most people.
10697 10. Frantic screams make me nervous.
10698 11. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room
10699     full of mice.
10700 12. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
10701 13. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
10702 14. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
10703 15. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
10704 16. My eyes are always cold.
10705 17. Cousins are not to be trusted.
10706 18. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
10707 19. I am never startled by a fish.
10708 20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
10718 		-- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
10720 As of next Thursday, UNIX will be flushed in favor of TOPS-10.
10721 Please update your programs.
10723 As of next Tuesday, C will be flushed in favor of COBOL.
10724 Please update your programs.
10726 As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
10733 	Newsgroups: comp.sources.d
10739 	sources newsgroup.  I save the files, edit them to remove the
10741 	cannot get them to run.  (I have never written a C program before.)
10749 a process that traditionally requires some debugging.
10751 		   conversion to a new computer system.
10756 And who never would be missed -- who never would be missed.
10760 as easy to get programs right as we had thought.  Debugging had to be
10761 discovered.  I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large
10763 my own programs.
10767 because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
10772 or putatively less buggy.  The replacement of a working component by a new
10775 efficient test cases will usually be available.
10776 		-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
10778 As to Jesus of Nazareth... I think the system of Morals and his Religion,
10782 divinity.
10785 As well look for a needle in a bottle of hay.
10789 "There is no such things as a free variable."
10791 As with most fine things, chocolate has its season.  There is a simple memory
10794 proper time for chocolate.
10798 but you will do them with much more enthusiasm.
10801 As you will see, I told them, in no uncertain terms, to see Figure one.
10804 As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
10808 	become computer literate.  Etymologically, the term has come down as
10810 	receive."
10813 ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.
10815 ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
10818 If God won't have you, the devil must.
10821 one went to Harvard).
10822 		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
10825 will pay only the station-to-station rate.
10828 Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls...
10829 if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.
10831 Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of.
10832 		-- J.J. Gibson
10834 Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so.
10840 right cheek.  She chewed a rare brand of plug called Stuff It, which she
10841 learned to chew when she was playing Nicaraguan summer ball.  She told the
10843 newspaper.  I took a gun everywhere I went, even to bed.  *Especially* to
10844 bed.  Guys were after me like you can't believe.  That's when I started
10846 as bad as this.  This is the worst chew in the world.  After this,
10847 everything else is peaches and cream."  The writers elected Gentleman Jim,
10848 the Sparrow's P.R. guy, to bite off a chunk and tell them how it tasted,
10850 couldn't talk for a while. Then he whispered, "You've been chewing this for
10851 two years?  God, I had no idea it was so hard to be a woman."
10855 lamp-post how it feels about dogs.
10859 and understanding of how computers work that it provides.
10860 		-- D. Gries
10862 Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.  Run
10863 with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.  Keep
10864 the company of bums and you will become a bum.  Hang around with rich people
10865 and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.
10868 Astrology... just a bunch of Taurus.
10870 Asynchronous inputs are at the root of our race problems.
10871 		-- D. Winker and F. Prosser
10873 At about 2500 A.D., humankind discovers a computer problem that *must* be
10874 solved.  The only difficulty is that the problem is NP complete and will
10876 available.  The best computer scientists sit down to think up some solution.
10877 In great dismay, one of the C.S. people tells her husband about it.  There
10878 is only one solution, he says.  Remember physics 103, Modern Physics, general
10879 relativity and all.  She replies, "What does that have to do with solving
10884 that is the exact opposite of what we want... Of course!  Leave the
10886 	The problem was so important that they did exactly that.  When
10889 	IEH032 Error in JOB Control Card.
10892 my soul.  At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my
10893 ignorance upon the shore.
10898 quite untrue in practice.  Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather
10899 than blinkers it.
10900 		-- G.L. Glegg, "The Design of Design"
10903 a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats.
10906 At last I've found the girl of my dreams.  Last night she said to me,
10907 "Once more, Strange, and this time *I'll* be Donnie and *you* be Marie.
10910 At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand.
10911 		-- J.B. White
10914 thumb with a hammer.
10921 after fact and reason.
10925 coffee table and striking meself repeatedly upon the head with a brick.
10926 		-- H.R. Gumby
10929 and no further activities are scheduled.
10932 The image of Providing Nourishment.
10934 And temperate in eating and drinking.
10939 of all ideas, old and new.  This is how deep truths are winnowed from deep
10940 nonsense.  Of course, scientists make mistakes in trying to understand the
10943 field on track.
10947 to the patients.  The doctor tells the intern "This man in 305 is going to
10948 die in six months.  Go in and tell him."  The intern boldly walks into the
10950 The man has a heart attack and is rushed into surgery on the spot.  The doctor
10952 You've got to take it easy, work your way up to the subject.  Now this man in
10953 213 has about a week to live.  Go in and tell him, but, gently, you hear me,
10957 his pillow and wishes him a "Good morning!"  "Wonderful day, no?  Say...
10961 at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
10963 At these prices, I lose money -- but I make it up in volume.
10964 		-- Peter G. Alaquon
10967 and with the foolish we should play the fool.
10971 number of pens that person is carrying.
10973 Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
10976 	An entire city surrounded by an airport.
10978 Atlee is a very modest man.  And with reason.
10984 suspects who are innocent of a crime.  That's contradictory.  If a person
10985 is innocent of a crime, then he is not a suspect."
10986 		-- U.S. News and World Report, 10/14/85
10989 	A gyp off the old block.
10991 Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity.
10992 		-- G.J. Danton
10995 	Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music.
10997 Auribus teneo lupum.
10998 [I hold a wolf by the ears.]
11001 	Indubitably true, in somebody's opinion.
11003 Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.
11007 	A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
11011 Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
11013 Avoid cliches like the plague.
11014 They're a dime a dozen.
11016 Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
11018 Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep.
11020 Avoid reality at all costs.
11022 Avoid revolution or expect to get shot.  Mother and I will grieve, but
11023 we will gladly buy a dinner for the National Guardsman who shot you.
11024 		-- Dr. Paul Williamson, father of a Kent State student
11026 Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
11032 in 1959.
11034 		   bad fiction contest.
11036 [Babe] Ruth made a big mistake when he gave up pitching.
11041 	as an excuse for getting drunk.
11044 	A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.
11047 	A man who chases women and never Mrs. one.
11050 that the Soviets would invade Poland to put down the demonstrations.  Foreign
11052 invaded.  They asked, "What will you do if the East Germans invade from the
11054 	To which the Poles replied, "Why, we will fight the Germans first.
11055 Business before pleasure."
11057 Back in the early 60's, touch tone phones only had 10 buttons.  Some
11059 who had "diva" (digital inquiry, voice answerback) systems -- mainly banks.
11061 problems of terminology were all Bell System.  We used to struggle with
11063 (most phones were rotary then.)  Partly in jest, some AT&T engineering
11066 the "pound sign."  Presumably because it has 8 points sticking out.  It
11067 never really caught on.
11070 uphill both ways and it was always snowing.
11073 	Putting saliva in a dog's mouth in an attempt to make a bell ring.
11075 Bacons not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
11080 whereas good men eat and drink that they may live.
11085 	is like trying to play Bach's "St. Matthew Passion" on a ukulele.
11092 	surrounded on all sides by governors.
11097 	Fear of opening one's eyes.
11099 	Fear of sinning.
11101 	Fear of being buried alive.
11103 	Fear of food.
11105 	Fear of hair.
11107 	Fear of clothing.
11110 	A wharf-rat stealing Diogenes' lamp.
11112 Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
11116 	man would rather be sat upon by the bee.
11118 Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
11121 	An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician.
11125 	    and a shelf for his toiletries, the relationship ends.
11127 	    to continue the correspondence, he stops writing.
11130 	Proofreading is more effective after publication.
11134 	what kind of weather we are having.
11136 Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers.
11139 Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
11142 Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game - it, and high taxes.
11148 	(1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
11149 	(2) Advising the President.
11150 	(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
11154 	A programming language.  Related to certain social diseases
11155 	in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
11158 	If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
11159 	If it stinks, it's chemistry.
11160 	If it doesn't work, it's physics.
11162 Basic is a high level languish.
11164 BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing.
11167 Basically my wife was immature.  I'd be at home in the bath and she'd
11168 come in and sink my boats.
11171 Batteries not included.
11175 	will not yield to the tongue.
11179 will beat a psychopath to your door.
11181 BE A LOOF!  (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
11183 BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)
11185 Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
11193 situations that can't bear inspection.
11195 Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint.
11198 Be careful what you set your heart on -- for it will surely be yours.
11201 Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
11203 Be careful when you bite into your hamburger.
11206 Be cautious in your daily affairs.
11208 Be cheerful while you are alive.
11209 		-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
11211 Be circumspect in your liaisons with women.  It is better
11212 to be seen at the opera with a man than at mass with a woman.
11215 Be different: conform.
11217 Be frank and explicit with your lawyer ... it is his business to confuse
11218 the issue afterwards.
11221 Things won't get any better so get used to it.
11223 Be incomprehensible.  If they can't understand, they can't disagree.
11225 Be independent.
11226 Insult a rich relative today.
11229 nothing is safe while the legislature is in session.
11231 Be nice to people on the way up, because you'll meet them on your way down.
11234 Be not anxious about what you have, but about what you are.
11235 		-- Pope St. Gregory I
11237 Be open to other people -- they may enrich your dream.
11239 Be prepared to accept sacrifices.
11240 Vestal virgins aren't all that bad.
11243 and original in your work.
11246 Be security conscious -- National Defense is at stake.
11248 Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
11250 Be sociable.
11251 Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.
11253 Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
11255 Be valiant, but not too venturous.
11256 Let thy attire be comely, but not costly.
11265 Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
11268 	What's in your eye when you have a bee in your hand.
11270 Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
11272 Beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two.
11274 Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God.
11278 Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.
11281 Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
11289 I continue...
11290 		-- T.S. Pynchon
11292 Because the wine remembers.
11295 they will never forget us.
11303 Beer -- it's not just for breakfast anymore.
11305 Beer & Pretzels -- Breakfast of Champions.
11307 Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
11308 		-- Addison H. Hallock
11311 haughty, but humility goes before honour.
11314 ...before I could come to any conclusion it occurred to me that my speech
11315 or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility.  What
11317 manager?  One gets sometimes such a flash of insight. The essentials of
11319 power of meddling.
11322 Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
11325 they are "Let's eat out."
11327 Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
11330 you really want to know the answers.
11336 Beggars should be no choosers.
11339 Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
11341 Behind every great computer sits a skinny little geek.
11343 Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
11354 	An enemy civilian).
11357 giveth and the fine print taketh away.
11359 Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
11363 opposite applies with the judges.
11367 since it consists principally of dealings with men.
11371 to the pregnant woman at the cocktail party.  And yet another guest went over
11373 	"Not too well," said the expectant mother.  "You know, I've missed
11374 seven or eight periods now and it's beginning to worry me."
11377 disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
11379 Being in politics is like being a football coach.  You have to be smart
11380 enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
11384 Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
11388 slavery -- now it's called commitment.
11390 Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
11393 different from being stoned on gin.
11397 standing next to a lamp post infested with pigeons.
11400 Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
11403 	Something you do not believe.
11406 impossibly bad.
11409 Bell Labs Unix - Reach out and grep someone.
11415 	(1)  Houses are for people to live in.
11416 	(2)  Gardens are for plants to live in.
11417 	(3)  There is no such thing as a houseplant.
11420 	ASCII is our god, and Unix is his profit.
11423 none of his friends like him either.
11426 Bernard was a young eighty-three, not a gomer, and able to talk.  He'd been
11427 transferred from MBH (Man's Best Hospital), the House's Rival.  Founded in
11430 surgeon, and finally, with the token red-hot internal-medicine Jew.  Yet,
11431 MBH was still Brooks Brothers, while the House was still the Garment District.
11432 For Jews at MBH the password was "Dress British, Think Yiddish."  It was
11435 after they got done, you wanted to be transferred here. Why?"
11436 	"I rilly don't know," said Bernard.
11438 	"The doctus?  Nah, the doctus I can't complain."
11440 	"The tests or the room?  Vell, nah, about them I can't complain."
11441 	"The nurses? The food?" asked Fats, but Bernard shook his head no.
11444 tell me is, 'Nah, I can't complain.'  So why did you come here?  Why, Bernie,
11446 	"Vhy I come heah?  Vell, said Bernie, "Heah I can complain."
11451 	listen to nobody... and those who listen to everybody.
11456 		club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
11458 YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable.
11463 transmission overhaul?  Because nobody cares, that's why."
11465 WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
11469 judged Coors and Miller's High Life to be among the very best. Those who
11471 history. For example, New England's first colonists decided to drop anchor
11474 victuals being spent and especially our beer."
11478 	In his "Filgoer's Companion", Mr. Leslie Halliwell helpfully lists
11480 possible.
11482 street; and the entire film crew is reflected in the shop window.
11484 with television aerials.
11487 in the background.
11489 clearly visible on one of the leading characters.
11492 Best of all is never to have been born.
11493 Second best is to die soon.
11497 	sanity to hardware or software intended to destroy all three.
11498 	In earlier days, virgins were often selected to beta test volcanos.
11501 smile than that you should remember and be sad.
11505 around while you have your life in such a mess.
11507 Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
11509 Better late than never.
11512 Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
11515 Than second, or less, in beatific light.
11518 Better to be nouveau than never to have been riche at all.
11520 Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
11523 Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
11525 Better tried by twelve than carried by six.
11529 left a monument that neither government nor time can eradicate.  Using a
11531 pushing boulders into a single word.
11532 	It can be seen from 10,000 feet, silhouetted against the snow.
11536 Parliament and Party.
11537 	It stands today, a monument to human spirit.  If life exists on other
11538 planets, this may be the first message received from us.
11539 		-- The Realist, November, 1964.
11541 Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.
11543 Between infinite and short there is a big difference.
11544 		-- G.H. Gonnet
11551 		-- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man"
11553 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
11554 	 referring to system service dispatching.]
11556 BEWARE!  People acting under the influence of human nature.
11558 Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
11560 Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
11562 Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
11565 a new wearer of clothes.
11571 I have only proved it correct, not tried it.
11572 		-- D. Knuth
11574 Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
11576 Beware of geeks bearing graft.
11578 Beware of low-flying butterflies.
11580 Beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies.  The
11582 the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of hell.
11583 		-- St. Augustine
11585 Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.
11588 Beware of strong drink. It can make you
11589 shoot at tax collectors -- and miss.
11592 Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
11595 himself no wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is full of murderous
11597 ignorance the hard way."
11601 is possible but nothing of interest is easy.
11605 Beware the one behind you.
11608 	When *everybody* thinks you're a pervert.
11611 	(1) In any given document, you can't cover all the "what if's".
11612 	(2) Lawyers stay in business resolving all the unresolved "what if's".
11613 	(3) Every resolved "what if" creates two unresolved "what if's".
11615 Big book, big bore.
11622 Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
11624 Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
11627 	You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
11629 Bill Dickey is learning me his experience.
11630 		-- Yogi Berra in his rookie season.
11635 Billy:	Well, this generation dropped it.
11638 and you'll be Gary, Indiana.
11642 	Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
11644 Biology grows on you.
11647 multiplication means the same thing as division.
11650 nightgowns do with keeping warm.
11653 Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
11656 	The first and direst of all disasters.
11659 Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
11662 behavior of numbers.  Just as Einstein observed that space was not an
11666 on the observer's movement in restaurants.
11670 	A unit of measure applied to color.  Twenty-four-bit color
11673 	ago.
11679 Biz is better.
11681 Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
11683 Black people have never rioted.  A riot is what white people think blacks
11684 are involved in when they burn stores.
11690 They were just some of my tropical fish.
11695 Now I have many less tropical fish.
11699 	That's an empty wish.
11702 	And soon you will have -- no fish.
11705 Blackout, heatwave, .44 caliber homicide,
11713 I don't want to hear it but he won't turn it down...
11716 Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
11719 get the better even of their blunders.
11722 Blessed are the meek for they shall inhibit the earth.
11724 Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
11728 to say it.
11732 for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
11734 Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
11735 		-- W.C. Bennett
11737 Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
11741 for he shall enjoy living.
11742 		-- W.C. Bennett
11745 abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
11748 Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.
11753 	wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
11756 Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier.
11759 	The judge's jokes are always funny.
11761 Blow it out your ear.
11763 Blue paint today.
11764 		[Funny to Jack Slingwine, Guy Harris and Hal Pierson.  Ed.]
11767 	Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
11769 Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
11772 	If you're feeling good, don't worry.  You'll get over it.
11776 	vividly manifests their lack of progress.
11779 seemed to come from Texas.
11783 		-- T.K.
11788 	You always find something in the last place you look.
11791 	An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
11794 	A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
11801 	ornamental stud."
11804 	An outdoor Betty Ford Clinic.
11808 	fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
11811 interface circuit details.  The two models, however, are not compatible
11812 on the same communications line connection.
11817 	several octaves higher than originally written.
11819 Bounders get bound when they are caught bounding.
11823 	Talent goes where the action is.
11826 	If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
11831 You get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
11833 To get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
11835 And get the maximum pleasure from a minimum of love.
11842 	A noise with dirt on it.
11846 Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
11848 Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
11851 Bozo is the Brotherhood of Zips and Others.  Bozos are people who band
11852 together for fun and profit.  They have no jobs.  Anybody who goes on a
11853 tour is a Bozo. Why does a Bozo cross the street?  Because there's a Bozo
11854 on the other side. It comes from the phrase vos otros, meaning others.
11855 They're the huge, fat, middle waist.  The archetype is an Irish drunk
11856 clown with red hair and nose, and pale skin.  Fields, William Bendix.
11857 Everybody tends to drift toward Bozoness.  It has Oz in it.  They mean
11858 well.  They're straight-looking except they've got inflatable shoes.  They
11859 like their comforts.  The Bozos have learned to enjoy their free time,
11860 which is all the time.
11863 Brace yourselves.  We're about to try something that borders on the unique:
11865 anti-Solemn, but also (shudder) takes sides.  I tend to think of it as
11866 `Constructive Snottiness.'
11871 	them into a committee -- that will do them in.
11879 wiser.  But an intelligent man needs only two thousand five hundred.
11885 	The apparatus with which we think that we think.
11890 	of error in an opponent.
11896 	Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented.  There is an implication
11898 	because he/she should have known better.  Calling something
11899 	brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
11902 is my choice for team captain.  Cincinnati was beating us 3-1, and I led
11903 off the bottom of the eighth with a walk.  The next hitter banged a hard
11904 single to right field.  Feeling the wind at my back, I rounded second and
11905 kept going, sliding safely into third base.
11907 bat, our manager put in the fast Brandy Davis to run for the player at first.
11909 took off for second and made it.  Now we had runners at second and third.
11911 start to take a lead.  All of a sudden, here he comes.  He makes a great slide
11913 shouts, "Back to second if I can make it."
11916 Brandy-and-water spoils two good things.
11919 Breadth-first search is the bulldozer of science.
11922 Break into jail and claim police brutality.
11924 Breathe deep the gathering gloom.
11925 Watch lights fade from every room.
11927 another day's useless energies spent.
11929 Impassioned lovers wrestle as one.
11930 Lonely man cries for love and has none.
11931 New mother picks up and suckles her son.
11932 Senior citizens wish they were young.
11935 Removes the colors from our sight.
11936 Red is grey and yellow white.
11937 But we decide which is real, and which is an illusion."
11940 Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
11943 	A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
11945 Bridge ahead.  Pay troll.
11948 	A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.
11960 of their judgments (Jahoda, 1969; Einhorn and Hogarth, 1978).  In the
11962 appreciate the pitfalls of post hoc analyses.
11963 		-- A. Benjamin
11968 	e la moma radeva fuorigraba.
11973 	metti infine il frumioso Bandifante".
11977 either one, but may revitalize the corner saloon.
11979 Brisk talkers are usually slow thinkers.  There is, indeed, no wild beast
11980 more to be dreaded than a communicative man having nothing to communicate.
11982 brusque, your character.
11986 it.  If you can't there is nothing left for you but the diplomatic corps.
11992 on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future
11994 means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs.  They also
11996 and take all your teeth.
12000 	The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
12004 	of the church and the front of the bus.
12007 	Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.
12012 	expands it beyond recognition.
12014 BS:	You remind me of a man.
12016 BS:	The man with the power.
12018 BS:	The power of voodoo.
12020 BS:	You do.
12022 BS:	Remind me of a man.
12024 BS:	The man with the power...
12027 Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang.
12030 	Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
12033 	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
12035 	when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
12038 	An elusive creature living in a program that makes it incorrect.
12040 	when people get tired of doing it, not when the bugs are removed.
12044 and only a fool will want to use it.
12046 Building translators is good clean fun.
12047 		-- T. Cheatham
12049 Bullwinkle:	You just leave that to my pal.  He's the brains of the outfit.
12051 Bullwinkle:	What else?  An executive.
12055 	of the very finest British manufacture.
12058 	You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
12062 	an attempt to catch it before the automatic light comes on.
12068 	12 months after the decision is made.
12071 	A method for transforming energy into solid waste.
12074 	A politician who has tenure.
12077 	Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
12078 	Don't create a problem for which you do not have the answer.
12080 Burnt Sienna.  That's the best thing that ever happened to Crayolas.
12083 Bus error -- driver executed.
12085 Bus error -- please leave by the rear door.
12087 Bushydo -- the way of the shrub.  Bonsai!
12090 and minimum of rules.  You keep score with money.
12093 Business will be either better or worse.
12096 ...but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be
12098 to mankind.  The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women
12100 unimpeachable.  The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and
12101 in law.  Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than
12102 the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death.  If
12104 of value.
12109 But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
12118 "Tell 'em I lied."
12120 But I always fired into the nearest hill or, failing that, into blackness.
12121 I meant no harm;  I just liked the explosions.  And I was careful never to
12122 kill more than I could eat.
12127 "But I don't want to go on the cart..."
12129 "But I'm feeling much better..."
12130 "No you're not... in a moment you'll be stone dead!"
12133 But I find the old notions somehow appealing.  Not that I want to go
12136 to hold reason higher than body or feeling.  Still there is something
12138 theft or assault violate the doer as well as the done to.  We might
12139 even, if we thought this way, have less crime.  The popular view of
12143 everyone is arrogant enough to imagine they can get away with it.  It
12145 arrogance down.
12148 But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand.  Human
12150 we can tell.  If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues
12152 of their world, not in their distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
12156 finite or an infinite number.
12157 		-- S.J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
12160 nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study.
12165 analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses.
12172 But like the Good Book says... There's BIGGER DEALS to come!
12179 For promised joy.
12187 Assure us that it must be so.
12189 What nobody is sure about.
12192 But sex and drugs and rock & roll, why, they'd bring our blackest day.
12196 		-- M. Proust
12204 I've been taking them for years.
12207 place to be, since I particularly want to move ahead to the kludge.
12213 But you shall not escape my iambics.
12218 those who speak of certain and natural matters, not of such lofty nature.
12232 Thy cheer, like thy complexion, is the pits.
12234 Scram, beat it, get thee hence, and nuts to you.
12237 	The fly in the ointment of computer literacy.
12240 gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.
12242 By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
12245 designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun.
12246 		-- P.J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April
12247 		   Fool's column.
12250 by practice, they get to be wide apart.
12253 By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote.
12255 as it is to invent.
12256 		-- R. Emerson
12258 		(whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.")
12260 		misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"  Ed.]
12262 By perseverance the snail reached the Ark.
12265 By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death.
12273 One of you is lying.
12276 By the yard, life is hard.
12277 By the inch, it's a cinch.
12279 By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity.
12280 Another man's, I mean.
12284 you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.
12292 fast.  People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are
12295 that so many people from point B are so keen to get there.  They often
12297 they wanted to be.
12301 carefully print the chaff.
12303 Byte your tongue.
12305 C Code.
12306 C Code Run.
12310 C for yourself.
12312 C++ is the best example of second-system effect since OS/360.
12314 C makes it easy for you to shoot yourself in the foot.  C++ makes that
12315 harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
12321 	else.  It is either the best language available to the art today, or
12322 	it isn't.
12327 	a man's head.
12332 	is supposed to know is there.
12335 	When all else fails, read the instructions.
12337 California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange.
12340 Californians are a strange people.  They'll put every chemical known to God
12342 coffee.
12344 Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
12347 Call things by their right names...  Glass of brandy and water!  That is the
12349 damnation.
12353 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
12354 	 referring to logical names.]
12356 Calling J-Man Kink.  Calling J-Man Kink.  Hash missle sighted, target
12357 Los Angeles.  Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
12362 Calm down, it's *only* ones and zeroes.
12367 Please realize that I'm not one of your computerites.
12369 Calvin:	"I wonder where we go when we die."
12373 Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle.
12377 who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
12381 	Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
12383 Campus crusade for Cthulhu -- it found me.
12389 Yes, work never begun.
12391 Can you buy friendship?  You not only can, you must.  It's the
12392 only way to obtain friends.  Everything worthwhile has a price.
12393 		-- Robert J. Ringer
12396 	It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
12399 	A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
12401 Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp.
12402 It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.
12408 	poor and unhappy.  To tell you the truth, any day is tough
12409 	when you're poor and unhappy.
12411 Canonical, adj.:
12412 	The usual or standard state or manner of something.  A true story:
12414 of jargon.  Over his loud objections, we made a point of using jargon as
12415 much as possible in his presence, and eventually it began to sink in.
12417 fashion without thinking.
12420 	Steele: "He just used `canonical' in the canonical way."
12422 Can't act.  Slightly bald.  Also dances.
12423 		-- RKO executive, reacting to Fred Astaire's screen test.
12426 Can't open /usr/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.
12428 Can't open /usr/games/lib/fortunes.dat.
12431 the nastiest of reasons, will somehow work for the benefit of us all.
12435 	Play your hunches.  This is a day when luck will play an important
12436 	part in your life.  If you were smarter, you wouldn't need so much
12437 	luck and you wouldn't be reading your horoscope, either.  You are
12439 	don't know what they're talking about any more than your Aunt Martha.
12441 CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
12442 	Follow your instincts.  You are much too scatterbrained to do anything
12443 	else, such as think.  Romance is in the air, but not for you, so forget
12444 	it.  That pimple on the end of your nose will get worse.
12447 	You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.  You don't do
12448 	much of anything and are lazy.  There has never been a Capricorn
12449 	of any importance.  Capricorns should avoid standing still for
12450 	too long as they tend to take root and become trees.
12454 	some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
12456 Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5...
12458 Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.
12461 takes.
12464 the name Craney incorrectly.
12468 fats and sugar, it can duplicate chocolate in color and texture.  Of course,
12469 the same can be said of dirt.
12474 	it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
12478 	Nothing is ever a complete failure.
12479 	It can always be used as a bad example.
12482 	If the shoe fits, buy the other one too.
12486 	nature invariably comes up with a better mouse.
12488 Catch a wave and you're sitting on top of the world.
12491 Catharsis is something I associate with pornography and crossword puzzles.
12494 Catproof is an oxymoron, childproof nearly so.
12496 Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
12499 Cats are smarter than dogs.  You can't make eight cats pull
12500 a sled through the snow.
12502 Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
12504 Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
12507 Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
12509 Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
12511 CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
12513 CCI Power 6/40: one board, a megabyte of cache, and an attitude...
12515 Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
12518 of the universe.  The premise is wrong, but the navigation works.  An
12519 incorrect model can be a useful tool.
12525 Center meeting at 4pm in 2C-543.
12529 impair the brain's performance.  An abundance of these "bad" cells can cause
12531 performance.  A certain small number of brain cells will deteriorate due to
12533 and the assimilation of difficult concepts.  Many college students become
12534 victims of this dread disorder due to poor habits such as overstudying.
12538 through the purging action of heavy alcohol consumption.  Large amounts of
12539 alcohol cause many brain cells to perish due to oxygen deprivation.  Through
12541 first, leaving only the healthy cells.  This wonderful process leaves the
12542 imbiber with a healthier, more vibrant brain, and increases mental capacity.
12544 performance actually increases beyond previous levels.
12546 Cerebus:	I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.
12547 Jaka:		Look, Cerebus -- Jaka has to tell you... something
12550 Jaka:		Oooh.
12555 walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh.  They
12558 not because of their habits, but in spite of them.  The reason we find
12560 others who have tried it.
12565 most inexplicable must be a matter of opinion.  A judge of the Court of
12570 nuts) by reason of their being nuts (unground)."
12573 Certainly the game is rigged.
12574 Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet, you can't win.
12584 C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas l'Informatique.
12587 CF&C stole it, fair and square.
12590 Chairman of the Bored.
12593 	1: The big guys always win.
12594 	2: Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
12596 Champagne don't make me lazy.  Cocaine don't drive me crazy.
12597 Ain't nobody's business but my own.
12600 Chance is perhaps the work of God when He did not want to sign.
12603 Change your thoughts and you change your world.
12605 Changing husbands/wives is only changing troubles.
12608 Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.
12612 	In the beginning the Universe was created.  This has made
12613 a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
12618 Isaac Newton's famous brother Phigg.  His idea was to provide an equation
12620 quite reach zero.  Historically, he was merely trying to work out his
12621 mortgage.  Another versatile equation also emerged, one which would define
12622 a function that would continue to grow, but never reach unity.  This equation
12624 race in general.
12626 character density, n.:
12627 	The number of very weird people in the office.
12633 	A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
12635 Charity begins at home.
12639 Linus:		To make others happy.
12643 But Charlie is no more.
12644 What Charlie thought was H2O was H2SO4.
12647 without having asked any clear question.
12649 Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
12651 Check me if I'm wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers...
12655 	The thirteenth month of the year.  Begins New Year's Day and ends
12656 	when a person stops absentmindedly writing the old year on his checks.
12658 Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
12660 Cheese -- milk's leap toward immortality.
12664 	Any cook who swears in French.
12668 	the next time he's in need.
12671 	Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
12673 Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.
12675 Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks.
12677 Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
12680 	Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
12684 "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
12685 "I don't care much where--" said Alice.
12686 "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.
12688 Chess tonight.
12691 	Where the dead still vote... early and often!
12695 headgear where he got his "pyramid powered pizza warmer".
12700 for overheated passengers.  When your timer pops up, the driver will
12701 cheerfully baste you.
12707 Chicken Little was right.
12711 	cocaine, interferon, and TLC.  The only ailment chicken soup
12712 	can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother.
12715 Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that
12716 shivers when it's warm.
12719 them.  That's when they come over and violate your body space.
12722 despite every effort to teach them good manners.
12724 Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
12725 going to catch you in next.
12726 		-- Franklin P. Jones
12729 And that's what parents were created for.
12732 Children begin by loving their parents.  After a time they judge them.
12733 Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them.
12736 Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually
12737 repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
12739 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.
12742 Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
12746 	precisely equal to the length of time already spent on it.
12749 	When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will.
12751 Chocolate Chip.
12754 a friend if she were a man.
12759 	Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
12763 And we begged her not to go.
12765 And she staggered through the door	At the scene of the attack.
12766 	out in the snow.		She had hoofprints on her forehead,
12768 Now we're all so proud of Grandpa,		back.
12769 He's been taking this so well.
12770 See him in there watching football.	I've warned all my friends and
12772 	with cousin Mel.		Better watch out for yourselves!
12778 Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him.
12781 difficult and not tried.
12782 		-- G.K. Chesterton
12784 Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it.
12790 Fill the cup and don't say when...	Brother, here we go again.
12795 The other three hundred and sixty-four!	Just the thing I need... how nice.
12798 It is, nor how heartfelt the spirit;	Advertising wondrous things.
12800 What's important is... the price.	May you make the Yuletide pay.
12802 Let the raucous sleighbells jingle;	Tell us to go out and buy.
12803 Hail our dear old friend, Kris Kringle,	Sooooo...
12810 	but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
12814 	and a bit of tobacco in between.
12818 	which covers the floors of movie theaters.
12821 Circumstances rule men; men do not rule circumstances.
12824 Civilization and profits go hand in hand.
12827 Civilization, as we know it, will end sometime this evening.
12828 See SYSNOTE tomorrow for more information.
12830 Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
12833 clairvoyant, n.:
12835 which is invisible to her patron -- namely, that he is a blockhead.
12839 aspires to be a hero... must drink brandy.
12843 	Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.
12845 Class, that's the only thing that counts in life.  Class.
12846 Without class and style, a man's a bum; he might as well be dead.
12850 leading the parade.
12853 Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
12857 	Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
12860 the walk before it stops snowing.
12863 There is no need to do any housework at all.  After the first four years
12864 the dirt doesn't get any worse.
12867 Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
12868 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
12870 Cleanliness is next to impossible.
12874 	million dollars worth of improvements.
12877 Yes, I spent a week there one day.
12883 day before - walking several blocks at a time.  To those who design to be
12885 recommend our Sacramento climate and Sacramento surgery.
12888 Climbing onto a bar stool, a piece of string asked for a beer.
12889 	"Wait a minute.  Aren't you a string?"
12890 	"Well, yes, I am."
12891 	"Sorry.  We don't serve strings here."
12892 	The determined string left the bar and stopped a passer-by.  "Excuse,
12894 passer-by obliged, and the string re-entered the bar.  "May I have a beer,
12895 please?" it asked the bartender.
12896 	The barkeep set a beer in front of the string, then suddenly stopped.
12898 	"No, I'm a frayed knot."
12901 	1. An exact duplicate, as in "our product is a clone of their
12902 	product."  2. A shoddy, spurious copy, as in "their product
12903 	is a clone of our product."
12905 Clones are people two.
12907 Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
12909 Clothes make the man.
12910 Naked people have little or no influence on society.
12916 	bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
12919 Norm:  No, I know what they look like.  Just pour me one.
12923 Norm:  Hey I'm high on life, Coach.  Of course, beer is my life.
12927 Norm:  I dunno.  I usually finish them before they get a word in.
12931 Norm:  Daddy's rich and Momma's good lookin'.
12935 Norm:  My nipples.  It's freezing out there.
12939 Norm:  Thirsty guy walks into a bar.  You finish it.
12943 Norm:  Daddy wuvs you.
12947 Norm: A reason to live.  Gimme another beer.
12951 Norm: Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.  I'll take a glass
12952       of whatever comes out of that tap.
12953 Sam:  Oh, looks like beer, Norm.
12954 Norm: Call me Mister Lucky.
12958 Norm:  Corners of my mouth, Coach.
12962 Norm:   All four cheeks and a couple of chins, Coach.
12966 Norm:   Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week.
12967         Eh, why not, I'm still young.
12971 	An exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
12974 	Completely Over and Beyond reason Or Logic.
12976 COBOL is for morons.
12977 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
12979 Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
12981 COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
12984 terminal until the drops of blood form on your forehead.
12987 I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
12991 	There is no bottom to worse.
12995 	time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
12996 	all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
12998 Coincidences are spiritual puns.
12999 		-- G.K. Chesterton
13003 	with their hands in their own pockets.
13005 Cold hands, no gloves.
13008 	Thinly sliced cabbage.
13012 	assumption that the other fellow can spell.
13015 	The fountains of knowledge, where everyone goes to drink.
13019 the trustees played.  There would be a great increase in broken arms,
13021 loss to humanity.
13022 		-- H.L. Mencken
13025 	Where they don't buy M & M's, 'cause they're so hard to peel.
13027 Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
13031 0. integrated		0. management		0. options
13032 1. total		1. organizational	1. flexibility
13033 2. systematized		2. monitored		2. capability
13034 3. parallel		3. reciprocal		3. mobility
13035 4. functional		4. digital		4. programming
13036 5. responsive		5. logistical		5. concept
13037 6. optional		6. transitional		6. time-phase
13038 7. synchronized		7. incremental		7. projection
13039 8. compatible		8. third-generation	8. hardware
13040 9. balanced		9. policy		9. contingency
13042 	The procedure is simple.  Think of any three-digit number, then select
13043 the corresponding buzzword from each column.  For instance, number 257 produces
13045 virtually any report with that ring of decisive, knowledgeable authority.  "No
13047 "but the important thing is that they're not about to admit it."
13051 	All probabilities are 50%.
13052 Either a thing will happen or it won't.
13056 	dealing with someone you're attracted to.
13059 	Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
13062 And every vector dreams of matrices.
13064 It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
13068 Your winter garment of repentance fling.
13070 To flutter -- and the bird is on the wing.
13073 Come home America.
13077 Tonight we will all merry be -- tomorrow we'll get sober.
13092 And every vector dreams of matrices.
13094 It whispers of a more ergodic zone.
13097 Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways.
13099 We shall encounter, counting, face to face.
13105 With silken lines, and silver hooks.
13111 With silken lines, and silver hooks.
13113 If you would be my POSSLQ.
13116 And you will be my POSSLQ.
13118 That's what a POSSLQ is for.
13121 Yes, even to the IRS.
13123 Perhaps we'll file a joint return.
13127 Because you'll be my POSSLQ.
13133 		-- Dom Perignon, upon discovering champagne.
13152 Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.
13162 And A Whole Lot More...
13166 		working together is success.
13168 Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways.
13172 	Commitment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
13173 	The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
13175 Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius.
13178 Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
13181 Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
13184 Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world.
13185 Everyone thinks he has enough.
13189 	1) No action is without side-effects.
13190 	2) Nothing ever goes away.
13191 	3) There is no free lunch.
13193 Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.
13196 has the ability to wear out.  Software typically behaves, or it does not.  It
13197 either works, or it does not.  Software generally does not degrade, abrade,
13198 stretch, twist, or ablate.  To treat it as a physical entity, therefore, is
13199 misapplication of our engineering skills.  Classical engineering deals with
13201 characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management.
13205 one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal.
13206 		-- J.N. Gray
13209 is in the eye of the beholder.
13210 		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
13212 Competitive fury is not always anger.  It is the true missionary's
13214 be enough.
13218 	One with real problems and imaginary profits.
13221 	When you say something to another which everyone knows isn't true.
13226 	a sun4 is put online sharing files.
13230 	totally understandable, rigorously logical manner.  If you believe
13231 	this, see me about a bridge I have for sale in Manhattan.
13233 Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
13235 Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
13237 Computer programs expand so as to fill the core available.
13241 	   precision of the former and the success of the latter.
13242 	2) The protracted value analysis of algorithms.
13243 	3) The costly enumeration of the obvious.
13244 	4) The boring art of coping with a large number of trivialities.
13245 	5) Tautology harnessed in the service of Man at the speed of light.
13246 	6) The Post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
13252 Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
13254 Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
13255 Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
13258 Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.
13261 Computers don't actually think.
13262 	You just think they think.
13263 		(We think.)
13265 Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
13270 	consultant billed you more than $25,000.
13273 from one mind, or from a very small number of agreeing resonant minds.
13274 		-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
13281 	he's already decided to do.
13284 confess them to man and you will be laughed at.
13287 Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
13290 that a tweed coat is good for dandruff.
13294 the reputation.
13298 	One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided to himself by C.
13302 fall flag on your face.
13303 		-- Dr. L. Binder
13305 Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
13308 	A man who goes through life without a hitch.
13311 Have legitimized various crimes.
13314 Measuring reaction times.
13316 Conformity is the refuge of the unimaginative.
13320 Confucius say too much.
13326 but I fear that tomorrow we'll be crying.
13329 Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
13335 undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver.
13337 CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE.  YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T
13346 Congratulations are in order for Tom Reid.
13349 Year award.
13351 Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
13354 		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  By induction, all
13355 		odd numbers are prime.
13357 		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is experimental
13358 		error.  11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
13360 		3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is prime.
13361 		11 is prime.  13 is prime ...
13363 		3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime...
13365 Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
13367 Conscience doth make cowards of us all.
13371 when everything else feels great.
13373 Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.
13374 		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy"
13376 Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
13381 	never admitted to in the first place.
13384 	One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead.
13385 		-- Leo C. Rosten
13389 	from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
13392 "Consider a spherical bear, in simple harmonic motion..."
13396 	"Everything's better when it sits on a Ritz."
13398 	"Everything's better with Blue Bonnet on it."
13400 thought is frightening.  Is this how God came into being?  Try not to
13401 consider the fact that "Things go better with Coke".
13404 it is which never entrusts its life to one hole only.
13408 the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
13413 	you what time it is. (2) (For resume use) The working title
13414 	of anyone who doesn't currently hold a job. Motto: Have
13415 	Calculator, Will Travel.
13418 	An ordinary man a long way from home.
13423 	"insult."]  A tipster disguised as an oracle, especially one who
13425 	and heavy wallet.
13429 	lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.
13432 company for a number and then give it back to them.
13435 	Medical term meaning "to share the wealth."
13438 the new cliche of the date-rape furor:  "`No' always means `no'."  Will
13441 seduction, observable even in the animal kingdom.
13442 		-- Camille Paglia, NY Times, Dec. 14 1990, Op Ed.
13445 if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic!"
13448 Convention is the ruler of all.
13453 	is catching his breath is called the listener.
13456 but solitude is the school of genius.
13460 	what is going on.
13462 	This person must be fired.
13464 Cops never say good-bye.  They're always hoping to see you again in the
13465 line-up.
13471 	interested in reading them.
13475 	signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.
13478 Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
13483 	your data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
13486 	In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.
13490 capitalism.
13493 Corruption is not the No. 1 priority of the Police Commissioner.
13494 His job is to enforce the law and fight crime.
13495 		-- P.B.A. President E.J. Kiernan
13498 	Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
13502 the cattle prod would be effective in this regard.  In any case, a traverse
13504 being easier to stake.
13507 in decimal -- if you are all thumbs.
13511 in decimal -- if you don't use your thumbs.
13514 Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
13516 Courage is grace under pressure.
13518 Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.
13521 Courage is your greatest present need.
13523 court, n.:
13524 	A place where they dispense with justice.
13527 Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
13531 	One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
13534 with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.
13541 attention to detail.  It requires intelligence, dedication, and an
13542 enormous amount of hard work.  But, a certain amount of unpredictable
13544 between adequacy and excellence.
13547 peculiarity breeds contempt. And the unfortunate thing about being
13549 say it was obvious all along.
13552 Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
13555 sometimes you have to squeeze a little to get the paste out of the tube.
13557 Credit ... is the only enduring testimonial to man's confidence in man.
13561 	A man who has a better memory than a debtor.
13566 	regardless of your formal duties.
13568 Crime does not pay... as well as politics.
13569 		-- A.E. Newman
13573 	because nobody tries to please him.
13575 critic, n.:
13577 	to please him.
13580 Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship.
13584 seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.
13595 	with the time spent in the office.
13597 Crucifixes are sexy because there's a naked man on them.
13603 	much work has already been done on it.
13612 	(If you're tired of choosing the lesser of two evils.)
13614 Cthulhu Saves -- in case He's hungry later.
13616 Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
13618 Cure the disease and kill the patient.
13622 	One whose program will not run.
13625 curtation n. The enforced compression of a string in the fixed-length field
13626 environment.
13629 matter.  Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more
13630 people than any other aspect of data processing.  You order Mozart's "Don
13631 Giovanni" from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.
13634 order "The Best of Wagner", "The Best of Schubert", or "The Best of the Turds".
13637 possibly overtruncated CAB SAUV 69 TAL."  The squeezing of fruit into 10
13638 columns has yielded such memorable obscenities as COX OR PIP.  The examples
13640 with us.
13642 MOZ DONG n.
13645 Preview Society, Great Neck (sic), N.Y.
13648 Custer committed Siouxicide.
13650 Cut a man's hand when you fight him.  He'll freeze, fascinated by the sight
13651 of his own blood.  That's when you stick him in the throat.
13655 don't like it.
13660 	is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
13662 Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
13664 business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
13668 	Experienced.
13671 	One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
13675 	not as they ought to be.  Hence the custom among the
13676 	Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
13680 several of us died of tuberculosis.
13685 	keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
13687 Dallas still lives.  God MUST be dead.
13689 Dammit Jim, I'm an actor not a doctor.
13693 Damn braces.
13697 		-- Dr. William DeVries
13704 	Kill my landlord.
13708 	Kill my landlord.
13709 Slip in his window.
13710 Break his neck.
13715 	Kill my landlord.
13720 opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.
13726 Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
13729 	An accrual of straws on the backs of theories.
13732 	Computerspeak for "information".  Properly pronounced
13733 	the way Bostonians pronounce the word for a female child.
13749 	1.5 times the amount of extra time you allow to arrive on time.
13752 	Problems that go away by themselves, come back by themselves.
13755 	The time when men of reason go to bed.
13757 Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
13760 	Anyone in your company who is more senior than you are.
13763 	Work hard to improve.
13765 	You've solved the wrong problem.  Work hard to improve.
13767 Dealing with failure is easy: work hard to improve.
13768 Success is also easy to handle: you've solved the wrong problem.  Work
13769 hard to improve.
13772 all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year.
13773 		-- C.N. Parkinson
13780 	Pick as many as you can, so that you get the widest audience.  After
13781 all, the net exists to give you an audience.  Ignore those who suggest you
13782 should only use groups where you think the article is highly appropriate.
13783 Pick all groups where anybody might even be slightly interested.
13784 	Always make sure followups go to all the groups.  In the rare event
13786 expand the list of groups.  Never include a "Followup-to:" line in the
13788 the fringe groups.
13793 summarize.  What should I do?
13798 that.  On USENET, this is known as a summary.  It lets people read all the
13799 replies without annoying newsreaders getting in the way.  Do the same when
13800 summarizing a vote.
13804 	I recently read an article that said, "reply by mail, I'll summarize."
13809 	Post your response to the whole net.  That request applies only to
13810 dumb people who don't have something interesting to say.  Your postings are
13812 mail.
13822 between the lines.  Be sure to post, and not mail, even though your article
13823 looks like a reply to the original.  Everybody *loves* to read those long
13825 lots of "Is too!" -- "Is not!" -- "Is too, twizot!" exchanges.
13829 	I'm having a serious disagreement with somebody on the net. I
13831 his removal from the net and phoning his employer to get him fired.
13832 Everybody laughed at me.  What can I do?
13836 	Go to the daily papers.  Most modern reporters are top-notch computer
13837 experts who will understand the net, and your problems, perfectly.  They
13839 represent the situation properly to the public.  The public will also all
13841 society.
13843 like racism and sexism wherever they might exist.  Be sure as well that they
13845 literally.  Link what transpires on the net to the causes of the Holocaust, if
13846 possible.  If regular papers won't take the story, go to a tabloid paper --
13847 they are always interested in good stories.
13851 to.  How about an example?
13855 	Ok.  Let's say you want to report that Gretzky has been traded from
13856 the Oilers to the Kings.  Now right away you might think rec.sport.hockey
13857 would be enough.  WRONG.  Many more people might be interested.  This is a
13858 big trade!  Since it's a NEWS article, it belongs in the news.* hierarchy
13859 as well.  If you are a news admin, or there is one on your machine, try
13860 news.admin.  If not, use news.misc.
13861 	The Oilers are probably interested in geology, so try sci.physics.
13862 He is a big star, so post to sci.astro, and sci.space because they are also
13863 interested in stars.  Next, his name is Polish sounding.  So post to
13864 soc.culture.polish.  But that group doesn't exist, so cross-post to
13865 news.groups suggesting it should be created.  With this many groups of
13866 interest, your article will be quite bizarre, so post to talk.bizarre as
13867 well.  (And post to comp.std.mumps, since they hardly get any articles
13868 there, and a "comp" group will propagate your article further.)
13870 group.  If you list all the newsgroups in the same article, some newsreaders
13871 will only show the article to the reader once!  Don't tolerate this.
13875 	Today I posted an article and forgot to include my signature.
13881 "Oops, I forgot to post my signature with that last article.  Here
13882 it is."
13885 signature) this will remind them of it.  Besides, people care much more
13886 about the signature anyway.
13893 	It is important, when testing, to test the entire net.  Never test
13894 merely a subnet distribution when the whole net can be done.  Also put "please
13896 a message with a line like that.  Don't use a subject like "My sex is female
13897 but I demand to be addressed as male." because such articles are read in depth
13898 by all USEnauts.
13903 unknown to you we have something in common.  We are both rather
13904 prone to mistakes.  I was elected Student Government President by
13905 mistake, and you came to school here by mistake.
13909 	never have to hear "On the other hand", again.
13912 have to eat them.
13916 elbows on the table.  However, I have read that one elbow, in between
13917 courses, is all right.  Which is correct?
13921 economics class, your teacher is correct.  Catching on to this principle
13923 correct current table manners, vital as Miss Manners believes that is.
13927 rain.  May I ask a young lady who is a stranger to me to share its protection?
13930 soaked.  I have often seen her at my bus stop, although we have never spoken,
13931 and I don't even know her name.  Could I have asked her to get under my
13935 Certainly.  Consideration for those less fortunate than you is always proper,
13937 attractive she is.  In order not to give Good Samaritanism a bad name, Miss
13939 before making your attack.
13942 this complete breakfast".  The way it comes up is, my 5-year-old will be
13947 breakfast".  Doesn't that really mean, "Adjacent to this complete breakfast",
13952 Answer: Yes.
13959 WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S.
13962 words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.
13965 Dear Ms. Postnews:
13966 	I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.  What
13972 read.  Say, "This is for John Smith.  I couldn't get mail through so I'm
13973 posting it.  All others please ignore."
13977 maps or looking for alternate routes.  Just think, if you couldn't distribute
13979 directory assistance for 60 cents, or even phone the person.  This can cost
13984 	Don't forget.  The world will end if your message doesn't get through,
13985 so post it as many places as you can.
13991 places.  They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result in the farmers
13993 employment in the already severely depressed agricultural industry.
13995 	Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J.P.
14000 	To stop sinning suddenly.
14003 Death before dishonor.
14004 But neither before breakfast.
14009 Its peril -- every hour.
14012 Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.
14015 of like a shell leaving the nut behind.
14018 Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
14020 Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
14021 		-- R. Geis
14023 Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
14025 Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
14027 Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
14032 	The only wish that always comes true, whether or not one wishes it to.
14034 Debug is human, de-fix divine.
14036 DEC diagnostics would run on a dead whale.
14039 Decemba, n:	The 12th month of the year.
14040 erra, n:	A mistake.
14041 faa, n:		To, from, or at considerable distance.
14042 Linder, n:	A female name.
14043 memba, n:	To recall to the mind; think of again.
14044 New Hampsha, n:	A state in the northeast United States.
14045 New Yaak, n:	Another state in the northeast United States.
14046 Novemba, n:	The 11th month of the year.
14047 Octoba, n:	The 10th month of the year.
14048 ova, n:		Location above or across a specified position.  What the
14049 			season is when the Knicks quit playing.
14054 	to form a task force before the music stopped.
14057 whelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene language may
14060 (unless struck by a boomerang).
14061 		-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc.
14063 Declared guilty... of displaying feelings of an almost human nature.
14066 Decorate your home.  It gives the illusion
14067 that your life is more interesting than it really is.
14068 		-- C. Schultz
14071 marvelous things.  It's one thing to be able to say "I've got a theory",
14073 claim "I've got a deep semantic theory", they are truly blessed.
14077 	The hardware's, of course.
14079 Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
14087 -- Count the number of bits in a word.
14089 Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
14108 ;;;     We are an affirmative action employer.
14111 	French., already seen; unoriginal; trite.
14112 	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
14113 	something actually being encountered for the first time.
14114 	Psychol., The illusion of having previously experienced
14115 	something actually being encountered for the first time.
14117 Delay is preferable to error.
14120 Delay not, Caesar.  Read it instantly.
14123 Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
14126 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
14127 	 referring to I/O system services.]
14131 entails dangers that must not be underestimated.  Practitioners must take
14133 to influence our consciousness, the innermost essence of our being.  The
14136 for a pleasure drug.  Special internal and external advance preparations
14137 are required; with them, an LSD experiment can become a meaningful experience.
14138 		-- Dr. Albert Hoffman, the discoverer of LSD
14143 child.
14144 		-- Dr. Albert Hoffman
14148 	to determine which side it is buttered on.
14150 Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
14158 steroid-free fitness center.
14159 		-- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
14161 Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about
14163 nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
14165 Democracy becomes a government of bullies, tempered by editors.
14169 aloud what the country could do under first-class management.
14173 incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.
14174 		-- G.B. Shaw
14177 will get the blame.
14178 		-- Laurence J. Peter
14180 Democracy is also a form of worship.
14181 It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.
14182 		-- H.L. Mencken
14184 Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them.
14188 of the people are right more than half of the time.
14189 		-- E.B. White
14192 deserve to get it good and hard.
14193 	-- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916
14196 forms that have been tried from time to time.
14200 	A government of the masses.  Authority derived through mass meeting
14201 or any other form of direct expression.  Results in mobocracy.  Attitude
14202 toward property is communistic... negating property rights.  Attitude toward
14205 restraint or regard to consequences.  Result is demagogism, license,
14206 agitation, discontent, anarchy.
14207 		-- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
14208 		   since withdrawn.
14211 	In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
14216 you don't have to waste your time voting.
14219 Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
14220 Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
14222 Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in the USA.
14223 The remainder is thrown out.
14225 Republicans usually wear hats and almost always clean their paint brushes.
14227 Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper.
14228 Democrats put them in the bottom of the bird cage.
14231 windows by Democrats.
14234 Dental health is next to mental health.
14238 	pulls coins out of one's pockets.
14242 	A smallish city located just below the `O' in Colorado.
14244 Depart in pieces, i.e., split.
14246 Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
14248 Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
14251 but remember, it didn't help the rabbit.
14252 		-- R.E. Shay
14254 Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
14257 und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.
14260 	What you regret not doing later on.
14263 	What you regret not doing later on.
14266 prior to their emergence from the shell.
14269 is a thinking, feeling, human being.
14273 the table.
14276 Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't,
14277 don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
14280 Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
14284 	the one you don't want hits the paper.
14287 fire and superior to his invention of the wheel and the arch.
14288 		-- L. Ron Hubbard
14291 	Some do, some don't.
14303 that's how dogs spend their lives.
14315 Snap, Crackle and Pop were all murdered recently...
14335 	-- a cinematic electromicrograph of yeasts being baked.
14337 A must for those who care about yeast, and especially for those who don't.
14348 selection from a set of offensive and/or obscene fortunes.  Why not
14352 should have in your .profile or .cshrc. file.
14357 		-- P.J. Plauger
14362 Did you know....
14377 Die?  I should say not, dear fellow.  No Barrymore
14378 would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
14381 Diet Mountain Dew has the same pH and density of urine.
14384 Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
14386 Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
14388 Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
14391 Dignity is like a flag.
14392 It flaps in a storm.
14395 Dime is money.
14398 only through the use of weird and unnatural conversion factors.  Velocity,
14399 for example, will be expressed in furlongs per fortnight.
14401 Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
14408 Dinosaurs aren't extinct.  They've just learned to hide in the trees.
14411 truth, is now searching for a good fantasy.
14413 Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone
14414 asked him, after a few days.
14415 	"Not too bad", replied Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."
14417 Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century.
14418 Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.
14421 Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
14423 Diplomacy is the art of letting the other party have things your way.
14426 Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
14429 Diplomacy is to do and say, the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
14433 	Lying in state.
14437 	1: Get elected.
14438 	2: Get re-elected.
14439 	3: Don't get mad, get even.
14440 		-- Sen. Everett Dirksen
14443 	As distinguished from some other bar.
14449 an endorsement of Western industrial civilization.
14451 Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
14453 Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
14455 Disease can be cured; fate is incurable.
14458 Dishonor will not trouble me, once I am dead.
14463 Disks travel in packs.
14466 Benchmarks, and Delivery dates.
14469 but it does make you part of a larger picture.
14472 	A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.
14475 acquaintance and without any visible reason.
14478 Ditat Deus.  (God enriches.)
14480 Divorce is a game played by lawyers.
14485 Do I like getting drunk?  Depends on who's doing the drinking.
14488 Do Miami a favor.  When you leave, take someone with you.
14492 Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
14494 Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
14496 Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
14498 Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
14501 Do not despair of life.  You have no doubt force enough to overcome
14502 your obstacles.  Think of the fox prowling through wood and field in
14503 a winter night for something to satisfy his hunger.  Notwithstanding
14504 cold and hounds and traps, his race survives.  I do not believe any
14505 of them ever committed suicide.
14508 Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you.
14509 Their tastes may not be the same.
14512 Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
14514 Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
14517 Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
14520 for they become soggy and hard to light.
14523 for they are subtle and quick to anger.
14525 Do not overtax your powers.
14527 Do not read this fortune under penalty of law.
14528 Violators will be prosecuted.
14529 (Penal Code sec. 2.3.2 (II.a.))
14531 Do not seek death; death will find you.
14532 But seek the road which makes death a fulfillment.
14536 can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
14538 Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
14540 Do not stoop to tie your laces in your neighbor's melon patch.
14542 Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
14544 Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
14547 learn to dread each day as it comes.
14550 Do not underestimate the power of the Farce.
14552 Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
14554 Do not use that foreign word "ideals".  We have that excellent native
14555 word "lies".
14558 Do not use the blue keys on this terminal.
14561 bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
14563 Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
14565 Do, or do not; there is no try.
14569 Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
14573 Do unto others before they undo you.
14575 Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
14577 Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
14581 in the hope that someday you'll learn what it's for.
14584 No, but I have a strange feeling that someday I will.
14591 If so, welcome to National Fat Week.
14593 	...by force-feeding a box of cornstarch to a skinny person.
14600 Do you know, I think that Dr. Swift was silly to laugh about Laputa.
14602 think.  There are ninety thousand people in this world who do not
14604 like poison.  Even if some thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make
14605 fun of them for it.  Better to think about cucumbers even, than not
14606 to think at all.
14607 		-- T.H. White
14612 is when you read the fine print; experience is what you get when you don't.
14620 between Nixon and the White House.
14621 		-- John F. Kennedy, in 1960
14647 "I've never done anything illegal before."
14654 your business success?  Here's a telling test: Look in the mirror.  Is
14657 Yes?  Then you are on your way to success as a woman.
14666 Earth -- by trying to preserve your own.
14669 little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.
14670 		-- Roy G. Blount, Jr.
14674 	speaking persons.
14676 Documentation is the castor oil of programming.  Managers know it must
14677 be good because the programmers hate it so much.
14690 and the rest of us.
14692 Doin' it in the dark, down in Rock Creek Park.
14694 Doing gets it done.
14696 Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
14701 W.C.:	Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of
14702 	bad road.  She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have
14703 	to sleep with her head in a safe.  She died in Bolivia.
14704 Don:	Oh Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative.
14705 W.C.:	It's almost impossible.
14706 		-- W.C. Fields, "The Further Adventures of Larson E.
14709 Don't abandon hope.
14710 Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
14713 have got him.
14718 I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love.
14720 Don't be humble, you're not that great.
14723 Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
14725 Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
14727 Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
14729 Don't buy a landslide.  I don't want to have to pay for one more vote
14730 than I have to.
14731 		-- Joseph P. Kennedy, on JFK's election strategy.
14733 Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
14736 with those that take care of themselves.
14743 Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
14745 Don't despise your poor relations, they may become suddenly rich one day.
14748 Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time.
14749 		-- Lt. Col. Ollie North
14751 Don't do unto others as you would they should do unto you.
14752 Their tastes may not be the same.
14753 		-- G.B. Shaw
14755 Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
14757 Don't drop acid -- take it pass/fail.
14760 Don't eat yellow snow.
14762 Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
14768 it's hard enough just staying in line.
14770 Don't feed the bats tonight.
14772 Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
14775 Don't get even, get odd.
14777 Don't get mad, get even.
14778 		-- Joseph P. Kennedy
14780 Don't get even, get jewelry.
14783 Don't get mad, get interest.
14785 Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
14788 can be terribly misleading.  Debug only code.
14791 Don't get to bragging.
14793 Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
14794 The world owes you nothing.  It was here first.
14797 Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
14799 Don't go to bed with no price on your head.
14802 Don't guess - check your security regulations.
14804 Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
14806 Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
14808 Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
14812 Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
14814 Don't just eat a hamburger; eat the HELL out of it.
14815 		-- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs
14817 Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
14819 Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
14821 Don't knock President Fillmore.  He kept us out of Vietnam.
14823 Don't know what time I'll be back, Mom.
14824 Probably soon after she throws me out.
14827 until you have hold of something else.
14833 or you'll never know ... what's on the other side of the rainbow...
14835 you'll never know what's on the other side of the rainbow...
14838 Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
14842 Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
14844 Don't look back, the lemmings might be gaining on you.
14846 Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
14848 Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
14854 Your brains are in it.
14857 Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
14859 Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
14862 Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
14864 Don't plan any hasty moves.
14865 You'll be evicted soon anyway.
14868 if you do it today, you can do it again tomorrow.
14870 Don't put too fine a point to your wit for fear it should get blunted.
14874 lock the door and throw away the key.
14876 Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
14878 Don't read everything you believe.
14880 Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
14882 Don't remember what you can infer.
14885 Don't say "yes" until I finish talking.
14886 		-- Darryl F. Zanuck
14888 Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
14890 Don't shout for help at night.  You might wake your neighbors.
14891 		-- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"
14893 Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
14895 Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
14897 Don't steal... the IRS hates competition!
14899 Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
14901 Don't sweat it -- it's only ones and zeros.
14902 		-- P. Skelly
14904 Don't take a nickel, just hand them your business card.
14907 Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out alive.
14909 Don't talk to me about naval tradition.  It's nothing but rum,
14910 sodomy and the lash.
14913 Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
14915 Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.
14916 		-- James J. Ling
14918 Don't tell me that worry doesn't do any good.
14919 I know better. The things I worry about don't happen.
14922 Don't tell me what you dream'd last night for I've been reading Freud.
14924 Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.
14927 Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes.  I get stranger things than you free
14928 with my breakfast cereal.
14933 Don't wake me up too soon...
14934 Gonna take a ride across the moon...
14935 You and me.
14937 Don't worry.  Life's too long.
14938 		-- Vincent Sardi, Jr.
14940 Don't worry -- the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
14942 Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas
14943 are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.
14946 Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
14947 It's already tomorrow in Australia.
14950 Don't Worry, Be Happy.
14954 you can always take something for it.
14956 Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you.
14957 They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.
14959 Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
14965 "Well, I've never done anything illegal before."
14966 "... I thought you said you were an accountant."
14971 Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
14974 you through times of no dope.
14978 Scarecrow:	Well, I don't know... but some people
14979 			without brains do an awful lot of talking.
14993 Perhaps a set of pedals to make the number of bits four.
15002 		by screen editors.  [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"]
15006 fooling both the subject and the lab assistant.  Often accompanied
15007 by a strong belief in the tooth fairy.
15009 Doubt is a not a pleasant mental state, but certainty is a ridiculous one.
15012 Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
15015 Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.
15016 		-- Paul Tillich, German theologian.
15019 Down to the tropical sun.
15021 Hoping to find some fun.
15023 Caught by the lure of the sea.
15025 Living in the land of the free.
15027 Leaving no forward address.
15029 Some are running from the IRS.
15031 In the cheap hotels and bars.
15033 While they dance beneath the stars.
15040 	the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
15043 by blood lost to the voracious mosquito.  The estimated life-expectancy
15044 of a naked man on the tundra in summer is about 15 minutes.  In that
15046 kill him.
15049 Dr. Fritzkee's Lucky Astrology Diet
15052 that magic weight, seventy-six pounds, are still fat.  Dr. Fritzkee's
15054 luxury that you never feel hungry.
15061 Third Month:	Pumpkin pie with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
15064 lopping off parts of your body until those scales tip just right for you.
15066 Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
15068 Dr. Livingston?
15069 Dr. Livingston I. Presume?
15071 Draft beer, not people.
15075 	it's probably because you don't have them on.
15077 Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
15079 Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
15081 Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
15085 	lands directly in front of your eyes.
15087 Drilling for oil is boring.
15092 (But, alas, we never do.)
15095 Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *is* fun trying.
15098 instant motor skills.
15101 Drinking is not a spectator sport.
15105 with, that it's compounding a felony.
15109 that is all there is to distinguish us from the other animals.
15112 Drive defensively, buy a tank.
15114 Driving in Texas is simple.  For the first 100 miles you swerve to
15115 avoid jackrabbits.  For the second 100 miles you hit whatever
15116 jackrabbits get in the way.  After that you chase off into the
15117 brush after them.
15121 seen."  His companion was surprised to see nothing more alarming than a
15122 priest in conversation with a little boy, his hand on the child's shoulder.
15123 "Run, little boy," cried Hitchcock, leaning out of the car.  "Run for your
15131 Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
15136 	paper.
15141 lot a poker.
15145 	Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
15149 	yourself as part of the problem.
15155 Duct tape is like the force.  It has a light side,
15156 and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
15160 production of great leaders has been discontinued.
15163 fate and captain of your soul.
15165 Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence.
15168 been upon trial.  What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places,
15170 in both, superstition, bigotry, and persecution.
15182 		inexperience."
15186 and fly your colors proudly.
15193 	What one expects from others.
15196 Dying is a very dull, dreary affair.  My advice to you is to have
15197 nothing whatever to do with it.
15198 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, his last words
15200 Dying is easy.  Comedy is difficult.
15201 		-- Actor Edmond Gween, on his deathbed.
15203 Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
15208 E Pluribus UNIX.
15210 Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
15212 Each new user of a new system uncovers a new class of bugs.
15216 Reformation.  In the realm of the Apple Macintosh, as in Catholic Europe,
15217 worshipers peer devoutly into screens filled with "icons."  All is sound and
15218 imagery and Appledom.  Even words look like decorative filigrees in exotic
15219 typefaces.  The greatest icon of all, the inviolable Apple itself, stands in
15220 the dominate position at the upper-left corner of the screen.  A central
15221 corporate headquarters decrees the form of all rites and practices.
15223 in a sealed boardroom.  Should anyone in his curia question his powers, the
15224 offender is excommunicated into outer darkness.  The expelled heretic founds
15226 then disappears into silence, taking his stockholders with him.  The mother
15229 orthodoxy, you must buy a computer made and sold by Apple itself.
15232 Each of us bears his own Hell.
15238 3 X 4 snapshots, and a good tax record.
15240 Each person has the right to take the subway.
15253 TEA:		Earl Grey.  Hot.
15255 EARL GREY NEVER VARIES.
15261 	"The crew will consist of one pilot and a dog.  The pilot will
15262 	nurture and feed the dog.  The dog will be there to bite the
15263 	pilot if he touches anything.
15264 		-- Fortune, Sept. 26, 1988
15267 be groggy when everyone else is wide awake.
15270 a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
15273 Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
15275 Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- film clips at eleven.
15277 /earth: file system full.
15279 /Earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
15281 Earth is a great funhouse without the fun.
15284 Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube:	Black.
15288 -- black.  According to the instructions, this means the puzzle is solved.
15297 	with or without you.
15300 Eat as much as you like -- just don't swallow it.
15303 Eat, drink, and be merry!  Tomorrow you may be in Utah.
15305 Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
15308 happen to either of you for the rest of the day.
15311 will happen to you the rest of the day.
15313 [Well, actually, to either of you...  Ed.]
15315 Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
15317 Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy.
15319 Eating chocolate is like being in love without the aggravation.
15321 Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
15324 economics, n.:
15325 	Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith.
15329 	The notion that bigger is better.  In particular, that if you want
15331 	biggie than a bunch of smallies.  Accepted as an article of faith
15332 	by people who love big machines and all that complexity.  Rejected
15334 	those limitations.
15338 	personality to become an accountant.
15340 Economists can certainly disappoint you.  One said that the economy would
15341 turn up by the last quarter.  Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.
15345 percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
15346 		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
15348 Editing is a rewording activity.
15351 demand.  The less of either the people have, the less they want.
15355 time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
15358 Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
15359 		-- Daniel J. Boorstin
15361 Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
15364 Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
15365 		-- B.F. Skinner
15367 Educational television should be absolutely forbidden.  It can only lead
15370 royal-blue chickens.
15374 The spirits are about to speak...
15376 Eggheads unite!  You have nothing to lose but your yolks.
15382 to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.
15385 Egotism is the anesthetic which numbs the pain of stupidity.
15388 	Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
15391 	A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
15394 egrep -n '^[a-z].*\(' $ | sort -t':' +2.0
15397 	1.  Things will get worse before they get better.
15398 	2.  Who said things would get better?
15400 Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
15403 ...eighty years later he could still recall with the young pang of his
15404 original joy his falling in love with Ada.
15408 God is not capricious or arbitrary.  No such faith comforts the software
15409 engineer.
15413 Nixon was his only vice.
15414 		-- C. Degen
15416 Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
15421 	armrest in a movie theatre.
15428 	make the machine do some more.
15438 	nobody there.
15443 Ah, look at all the lonely users.
15444 Ah, look at all the lonely users.
15452 Mix JELL-O and Knox gelatin into 2 cups of boiling water.  Stir 'til
15453 	fully dissolved.
15454 Pour hot mixture into a flat pan.  (JELL-O molds won't work.)
15455 Stir in grain alcohol instead of usual cold water.  Remove any congealing
15456 	glops of slime. (Alcohol has an unusual effect on excess JELL-O.)
15457 Pour in fruit to desired taste, and to absorb any excess alcohol.
15459 	the faint of heart.
15460 Refrigerate overnight to allow mixture to fully harden. (About 8-12 hours.)
15464 	Keep ingredients away from open flame.  Not recommended for
15465 	children under eight years of age.
15467 Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance.
15470 	Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements.
15472 Elegance and truth are inversely related.
15476 	A mouse built to government specifications.
15478 Elevators smell different to midgets.
15483 	are all merely transforms of one another.  This combined with
15486 	lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost.  However,
15487 	of course, this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd.
15489 Eli and Bessie went to sleep.
15490 In the middle of the night, Bessie nudged Eli.
15491 	"Please be so kindly and close the window.  It's cold outside!"
15493 	"Nu ... so if I'll close the window, will it be warm outside?"
15495 Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
15498 	The feel of a kiss.
15500 Eloquence is logic on fire.
15503 Barmaid: Why, we get both kinds of music, Country and Western.
15506 	A slow-moving parody of a text editor.
15510 	what we can.  Having found them, we shall then hate them
15511 	for it.
15513 Encyclopedia for sale by father.
15514 Son knows everything.
15517 	Invite them all in.  Nip out the back door.  Phone the police
15518 	and tell them your house is being burgled.
15521 Endless Loop: n.	see Loop, Endless.
15522 Loop, Endless: n.	see Endless Loop.
15528 And here, find rest.
15530 Enemy -- SP (Suppressive Person) Order.  Fair Game.  May be deprived of
15532 of the Scientologist.  May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.
15533 		-- L. Ron Hubbard, "Fair Game Doctrine"
15540 English literature's performing flea.
15541 		-- Sean O'Casey on P.G. Wodehouse
15544 	1. The physical manifestation of human memory -- "the engram."
15545 2. A particular memory in physical form.  [Usage note:  this term is no longer
15546 in common use.  Prior to Wilson and Magruder's historic discovery, the nature
15548 psychologists, and even computer scientists.  In 1994 Professors M. R. Wilson
15549 and W. V. Magruder, both of Mount St. Coax University in Palo Alto, proved
15551 thirty seven genetically transmitted cooperating TECO macros.  Human memory
15553 ASCII strings.  Interest in the engram has declined substantially since that
15554 time.]
15556 		   3rd edition, 2007 A.D.
15559 	To tamper with an image, usually to its detriment.
15561 Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
15563 Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
15567 	be a spectacular failure than a dismal success.
15569 Entropy isn't what it used to be.
15571 Entropy requires no maintenance.
15574 Envy is a pain of mind that successful men cause their neighbors.
15579 	instead of having to try and acquire one.
15582 that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking.
15585 Equal bytes for women.
15587 Ere the cock crows thrice one of you will betray me.
15590 Ernest asks Frank how long he has been working for the company.
15591 	"Ever since they threatened to fire me."
15593 Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
15596 	Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben.
15598 Eschew obfuscation.
15600 Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
15601 		-- G. Blaauw, one of the designers of System 360
15603 E.T. GO HOME!!!  (And take your Smurfs with you.)
15605 Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
15608 Eternity is a terrible thought.  I mean, where's it going to end?
15612 fashion for those with no taste.
15616 	were hard for the public to believe.  The term 'etymology' was
15618 	and 'logy' ("study of").  It meant "the study of things that are
15619 	hard to swallow."
15623 Wir wollen stark Getraenke schluerfen.
15627 the world.  Nude sunbathing on the back deck was combined with phone calls to
15631 Packard's cousin, David, presided as chairman of the board. The trick was to
15633 them at their own expense.  Eudaemonic Enterprises, for all they knew, might be
15634 a fast-growing computer company branching out of the Silicon Valley.  Sniffing
15637 over roulette.
15643 Even a blind pig stumbles upon a few acorns.
15645 Even a cabbage may look at a king.
15647 Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
15652 And the moon is full and bright.
15655 Even God cannot change the past.
15658 Even God lends a hand to honest boldness.
15665 Even if you persuade me, you won't persuade me.
15668 Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
15674 And that I knew, though not the day and hour.
15678 I say with them, "What's out tonight is lost."
15684 I tell you this across the blackened vine.
15685 		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Even in the Moment of
15688 Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
15691 just a bit unchivalrous...
15694 Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
15697 Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral.
15701 States we really shouldn't complain -- it's still only 2 cents a day.
15703 Events are not affected, they develop.
15720 Maybe...
15723 That's the sprit that has brought us fame.
15726 Has been our aim.
15727 Our products now are known in every zone.
15728 Our reputation sparkles like a gem.
15753 Sure sends a mean packet.		Never uses lint,
15755 					Sure sends a mean packet.
15757 There has to be a twist.
15759 Unlimited space on disk.		Can't hear no whistles or bells,
15761 I don't know.				Types by sense of smell,
15765 					Sure sends a mean packet.
15772 Because newspapers are read too.
15773 Two and Two is four.
15774 Four and four is eight.
15775 Eight and four is twelve.
15776 There are twelve inches in a ruler.
15777 Queen Mary was a ruler.
15778 Queen Mary was a ship.
15779 Ships sail the sea.
15780 There are fishes in the sea.
15781 Fishes have fins.
15782 The Fins fought the Russians.
15783 Russians are red.
15784 Fire engines are always rush'n.
15785 Therefore fire engines are red.
15788 technology?  U.S. Navy Capt. Grace Murray Hopper has firsthand explanation.
15790 computer technology during World War II.  At the C.W. Post Center of Long
15792 trators that the first computer "bug" was a real bug--a moth.  At Harvard
15794 "granddaddy" of modern computers, the Mark I.  "Things were going badly;
15796 computer," she said.  "Finally, someone located the trouble spot and, using
15797 ordinary tweezers, removed the problem, a two-inch moth.  From then on, when
15798 anything went wrong with a computer, we said it had bugs in it."  Hopper
15802 question."
15804 		regard to problems with radio hardware.  Ed.]
15806 Every 4 seconds a woman has a baby.
15807 Our problem is to find this woman and stop her.
15809 Every cloud engenders not a storm.
15813 you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
15815 Every country has the government it deserves.
15818 Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to punt.
15820 Every day it's the same thing -- variety.  I want something different.
15822 Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.
15825 Every dog has its day, but the nights belong to the pussycats.
15829 fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.  This world in arms is not
15830 spending money alone.  It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the
15831 genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.  This is not
15832 a way of life at all in any true sense.  Under the clouds of war, it
15833 is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
15836 Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own.
15840 In a duller dress.
15844 or less familiar, from their analogy to things which are more familiar.
15852 in the mind, sails, masts, rudder, and compass.
15855 Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
15859 of vision for the limits of the world.
15862 Every man thinks God is on his side.  The rich
15863 and powerful know that he is.
15869 essential death in which its subject's roots are plunged.  The natural
15871 forest where the wolf howls and the obscene bird of night chatters.
15872 		-- Henry James Sr., writing to his sons Henry and William
15875 it all himself, and the wife smiles and lets it go at that.
15878 Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up.  It knows it must run faster
15879 than the fastest lion or it will be killed.  Every morning a lion wakes up.
15880 It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
15882 up, you'd better be running.
15884 Every morning is a Smirnoff morning.
15889 	I get an orange after food.
15893 	Or else his dear papa is poor.
15898 when they aren't.
15900 	When a politician rubs his nose, he isn't lying.
15901 	When a politician tugs on his ear, he isn't lying.
15902 	When a politician scratches his colar bone, he isn't lying.
15907 sees in it.  I have no hope that this practice will ever be adopted.
15910 Every path has its puddle.
15913 drawn them there.  What you choose to do with them is up to you.
15918 can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work.
15921 	the one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.
15923 Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
15925 Every Solidarity center had piles and piles of paper ... everyone was
15926 eating paper and a policeman was at the door.  Now all you have to do is
15927 bend a disk.
15930 		   of their movement.
15933 but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.
15935 Every suicide is a solution to a problem.
15938 Every time I look at you I am more convinced of Darwin's theory.
15942 Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
15945 Reality, it comes in through the window.
15947 Every why hath a wherefore.
15950 Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness.
15954 the best one.
15958 called for a small employee contribution.  The company was paying all
15959 the rest.  Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed;
15960 otherwise the plan was off.  Sam's boss and his fellow workers pleaded
15961 and cajoled, but to no avail.  Sam said the plan would never pay off.
15962 Finally the company president called Sam into his office.
15964 a pen.  I want you to sign the papers.  I'm sorry, but if you don't sign,
15965 you're fired.  As of right now."
15966 	Sam signed the papers immediately.
15970 clearly before."
15972 Everybody has something to conceal.
15976 if you want to use yours for growing hair, that's fine with me.
15978 Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
15979 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
15981 Everybody knows that the dice are loaded.  Everybody rolls with their
15982 fingers crossed.  Everybody knows the war is over.  Everybody knows the
15983 good guys lost.  Everybody knows the fight was fixed: the poor stay
15984 poor, the rich get rich.  That's how it goes.  Everybody knows.
15986 Everybody knows that the boat is leaking.  Everybody knows the captain
15987 lied.  Everybody got this broken feeling like their father or their dog
15988 just died.
15990 Everybody talking to their pockets.  Everybody wants a box of chocolates
15991 and long stem rose.  Everybody knows.
15993 Everybody knows that you love me, baby.  Everybody knows that you really
15994 do.  Everybody knows that you've been faithful, give or take a night or
15995 two.  Everybody knows you've been discreet, but there were so many people
15996 you just had to meet without your clothes.  And everybody knows.
15998 And everybody knows it's now or never.  Everybody knows that it's me or you.
15999 And everybody knows that you live forever when you've done a line or two.
16001 for you ribbons and bows.  And everybody knows.
16004 Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money.
16010 Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
16013 to be taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.
16015 Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
16017 Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
16019 Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
16021 Everyone is in the best seat.
16024 Everyone is more or less mad on one point.
16027 Everyone knows that dragons don't exist.  But while this simplistic
16029 scientific mind.  The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact
16030 wholly unconcerned with what DOES exist.  Indeed, the banality of
16032 to discuss it any further here.  The brilliant Cerebron, attacking
16034 the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical.  They were
16036 different way...
16039 to get them.
16042 Everyone was born right-handed.
16043 Only the greatest overcome it.
16046 	1. They want it quick.
16047 	2. They want it good.
16048 	3. They want it cheap.
16049 I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
16052 Everyone's in a high place when you're on your knees.
16054 Everything bows to success, even grammar.
16056 Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
16058 Everything ends badly.  Otherwise it wouldn't end.
16060 Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
16063 Everything in this book may be wrong.
16067 to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.
16069 Everything is possible.  Pass the word.
16073 if only one thing had been different in the past.
16075 Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
16077 Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
16079 Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
16082 Everything takes longer, costs more, and is less useful.
16085 Everything that can be invented has been invented.
16086 		-- Charles Duell, Director of U.S. Patent Office, 1899
16088 Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
16090 Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
16095 rare story of which you happen to have first-hand knowledge.
16099 obvious as you begin to study the universe.  For example, there are no
16100 solids in the universe.  There's not even a suggestion of a solid.
16101 There are no absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.  There are no
16102 straight lines.
16103 	-- R. Buckminster Fuller
16106 (This is the stuff they can always use.)
16108 (This will provide for baby's shoes.)
16112 (This is what fetches the bacon home.)
16115 Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers.  My
16116 opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.  There's many a bestseller
16117 that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
16123 Well look again.
16126 Evil is that which one believes of others.  It is a sin to believe evil
16127 of others, but it is seldom a mistake.
16128 		-- H.L. Mencken
16131 program falling into place by accident.
16134 the sun.  At one time this was called the Copernican theory; but, when
16136 doubt it, it is customary for scientists to call it a fact.  That all present
16138 as firmly established as Copernican cosmology.  Biologists differ only with
16139 respect to theories about how the process operates.
16140 		-- Martin Gardner, "Irving Kristol and the Facts of Life".
16143 the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer.
16144 		-- C.C. Colton
16146 Example is not the main thing in influencing others.
16147 It is the only thing.
16150 Excellent day for drinking heavily.
16151 Spike the office water cooler.
16153 Excellent day to have a rotten day.
16155 Excellent time to become a missing person.
16157 Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.
16163 Support:  "You're not our only customer, you know."
16164 Customer: "But we're one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons."
16166 Excess on occasion is exhilarating.  It prevents moderation from
16167 acquiring the deadening effect of a habit.
16168 		-- W. Somerset Maugham
16170 Excessive login messages is a sure sign of senility.
16172 Execute every act of thy life as though it were thy last.
16175 Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
16177 Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
16180 and just before you realize what is wrong with it.
16182 Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
16184 Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
16186 Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
16188 Expedience is the best teacher.
16191 	Corporate food stamps.
16193 Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills.
16197 it is what you do with what happens to you.
16201 you recognize a mistake when you make it again.
16204 Experience is the worst teacher.  It always
16205 gives the test first and the instruction afterward.
16208 to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
16210 Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
16212 Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
16215 	Something you don't get until just after you need it.
16219 particularly if he adds a firm handshake, is hiding something.
16222 Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
16224 Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way.
16228 Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary proof.  There are many examples
16230 but they prevailed with irrefutable data.  More often, egregious findings
16231 that contradict well-established research turn out to be artifacts.  I have
16234 neuroscience.  Before abandoning materialist theories of mind that have paid
16237 offer more plausible alternatives.
16238 		-- Barry L. Beyerstein, "The Brain and Consciousness:
16239 		   Implications for Psi Phenomena".
16241 Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
16244 Extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice... moderation in the pursuit
16245 of justice is no virtue.
16248 f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
16250 f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
16254 f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
16258 Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
16260 Facts, apart from their relationships, are like labels on empty bottles.
16263 Facts are the enemy of truth.
16266 Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
16270 	In September 1978 Mr. Terry Gripton, of Stafford, failed to break
16271 the world shouting record by two and a half decibels.  "I am not surprised
16272 he failed," his wife said afterwards.  "He's really a very quiet man and
16273 doesn't even shout at me."
16274 	In August of the same year Mr. Paul Anthony failed to break the
16275 record for continuous organ playing by 387 hours.
16277 after 36 hours 10 minutes, when he was accused of disturbing the peace.
16278 "People complained I was too noisy," he said.
16279 	In January 1976 Mr. Barry McQueen failed to walk backwards across
16280 the Menai Bridge playing the bagpipes.  "It was raining heavily and my
16281 drone got waterlogged," he said.
16282 	A TV cameraman thwarted Mr. Bob Specas' attempt to topple 100,000
16283 dominoes at the Manhattan Center, New York on 9 June 1978.  97,500 dominoes
16284 had been set up when he dropped his press badge and set them off.
16287 Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
16289 Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
16293 	A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
16295 Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
16298 on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move.
16300 Faith is under the left nipple.
16305 	believe what we know to be untrue.
16310 	seem to have shinnied up a rope and vanished.
16314 love.  You can tell you're in love by the way you feel: your head becomes
16316 and the whole world seems like a wonderful and happy place.  Unfortunately,
16318 good idea to check with your doctor.
16321 Falling in love is a lot like dying.
16322 You never get to do it enough to become good at it.
16325 restraint.
16326 		-- Dave Sim, author of "Cerebus".
16329 the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
16333 autograph seeker handed me a pen and paper under the stall door.
16336 Fame may be fleeting but obscurity is forever.
16338 Familiarity breeds attempt.
16340 Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
16344 Want it to be intelligent.
16348 Ignorant and stupid.
16356 	1: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
16357 	2: Let's take the shortcut, he can't see us from there.
16358 	3: What happens if you touch these two wires tog...
16359 	4: We won't need reservations.
16360 	5: It's always sunny there this time of the year.
16361 	6: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
16362 	7: They'd never (be stupid enough to) make him a manager.
16366 forgotten your aim.
16369 "Fantasies are free."
16373 former Galactic Empire, life was wild, rich and largely tax free.
16376 reward among the furthest reaches of Galactic space.  In those days, spirits
16379 from Alpha Centauri.  And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty
16381 was the Empire forged.
16384 Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
16387 Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.  Orbiting this
16391 neat idea.
16395 stressful than divorce.
16399 it every six months.
16402 Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
16405 Fast, cheap, good: pick two.
16413 Fat Liberation: because a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
16417 Father:	Son, it's time we talked about sex.
16420 Fats Loves Madelyn.
16422 Fay: The British police force used to be run by men of integrity.
16423 Truscott: That is a mistake which has been rectified.
16427 	What you feel when you see a U-Haul with Texas license plates.
16429 Fear and loathing, my man, fear and loathing.
16430 		-- H.S. Thompson
16432 Fear is the greatest salesman.
16436 	A surprising property of a program.  Occasionally documented.  To
16439 	not necessarily wrong response.  See BUG.  "That's not a bug, it's
16440 	a feature!"  A bug can be changed to a feature by documenting it.
16442 Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation
16444 disadvantaged.
16453 An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature.
16455 Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.
16459 For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.
16463 It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.
16465 Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
16467 I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.
16468 	-- Lt. Cmdr. Data, "An Ode to Spot"
16471 you luck and good fortune.  Just mail (or UUCP) ten copies of this letter
16472 to ten of your friends.  Before you make the copies, send a chip or
16474 list given at the bottom of this letter.  Then delete their name and add
16475 yours to the bottom of the list.
16477 Don't break the chain!  Make the copy within 48 hours.  Gerald R. of San
16479 his job description changed to "COBOL programmer."  Fred A. of New York sent
16481 build a Cray dedicated to playing Zork.  Martha H. of Chicago laughed at
16482 this letter and broke the chain.  Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in
16483 her terminal and she now spends her days writing documentation for IBM PC's.
16488 	The gift that just "keeps on giving."
16492 	of car fenders during snowstorms.
16496 	A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
16498 Fertility is hereditary.  If your parents
16499 didn't have any children, neither will you.
16502 	a man chasing an invention of his own halfway across the galaxy.
16503 Rod:	Oh yeah, it's a million yuks, sure.  But after all, isn't that the
16506 Rod:	No, the ability to get hung up on them.
16509 Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
16513 	A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
16522 	If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
16524 	If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
16527 	A four drawer, manually activated trash compactor.
16530 	Throwing your wait around.
16532 Fill what's empty, empty what's full, scratch where it itches.
16536 	Science is true.  Don't be misled by facts.
16539 	If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
16543 	someone is always willing to fake it.
16547 	is always eager to misinterpret it.
16551 	it happened according to his pet theory.
16554 	To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
16557 	Always keep a record of data -- it indicates you've been working.
16561 	anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
16564 	Always draw your curves, then plot your readings.
16567 	Don't believe in miracles -- rely on them.
16570 	The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
16574 	beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
16577 	1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it.
16578 	2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really
16579 	   don't want to hear, will see it immediately.
16581 Finality is death.
16582 Perfection is finality.
16583 Nothing is perfect.
16584 There are lumps in it.
16586 Fine day for friends.
16587 So-so day for you.
16589 Fine day to throw a party.  Throw him as far as you can.
16591 Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
16594 A closed mouth gathers no feet.
16597 	No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
16600 	Never argue with a fool.  People might not know the difference.
16604 	for its termination on someone else (i.e., the authority who
16605 	imposed the deadline).
16609 	there is nothing important to do.
16612 	Celibacy is not hereditary.
16615 self-respecting woman would take advantage of it.
16620 	historians merely repeat each other.
16622 First rule of public speaking.
16625 	then tell 'em what you've tole 'em.
16627 First there was Dial-A-Prayer, then Dial-A-Recipe, and even Dial-A-Footballer.
16628 But the south-east Victorian town of Sale has produced one to top them all.
16629 Dial-A-Wombat.
16632 phone booth outside the town hall," the caller said.
16634 the constabulary drove to the scene, expecting to pick up a drunk.
16635 	But there it was, an annoyed wombat, trapped in a telephone booth.
16637 bulk into the fray. It was eventually lassoed and released in a nearby scrub.
16638 	Then the officers received another message ... another wombat in
16639 another phone booth.
16640 	There it was: *Another* angry wombat trapped in a telephone booth.
16642 released it, too, in the scrub.
16644 telephone booth, and -- you guessed it -- another imprisoned wombat.
16646 and after questioning, released him to be charged on summons.
16647 	Their problem ... they cannot find a law against placing wombats in
16648 telephone booths.
16649 		-- "Newcastle Morning Herald", WSW Australia, Aug 1980.
16654 trees to prove their manhood.
16659 	promoted managers are kept for observation.
16661 Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime.
16664 Five bicycles make a volkswagen, seven make a truck.
16667 Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.
16679 	Transistor and a large sum of money to spend...
16691 were each asked to write a book on elephants.  Some amount of time later they
16692 had all completed their respective books.  The Englishman's book was entitled
16693 "The Elephant -- How to Collect Them", the Russian's "The Elephant -- Vol. I",
16696 Irish Political History".
16699 	1) Always try to exhort others to look upon you favorably.
16701 	   treat these assumptions as though they are reality.
16702 	3) Then treat each new situation as though it's a crisis.
16705 	   things might become).
16707 	   follow the first four rules.
16713 	The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
16717 Intelligence of mankind decreasing.
16718 Details at ... uh, when the little hand is on the ....
16720 Flattery is like cologne -- to be smelled, but not swallowed.
16723 Flattery will get you everywhere.
16725 Flee at once, all is discovered.
16727 Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
16732 	which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
16734 flowchart, n. & v.
16736 	"a cryptic hidden-treasure map designed to mislead the uninitiated."]
16737 	1. n. The solution, if any, to a class of Mascheroni
16740 	template.  2. n. Neronic doodling while the system burns.
16741 	3. n. A low-cost substitute for wallpaper.  4. n.  The innumerate
16742 	misleading the illiterate.  "A thousand pictures is worth ten lines
16743 	of code." --The Programmer's Little Red Vade Mecum, Mao Tse T'umps.
16744 	5. v.intrans. To produce flowcharts with no particular object in mind.
16745 	6. v.trans. To obfuscate (a problem) with esoteric cartoons.
16746 		-- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
16750 	that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum.
16752 Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
16754 Flying is the second greatest feeling you can have.  The greatest feeling?
16755 Landing...  Landing is the greatest feeling you can have.
16760 	driver's brain is in a fog.  See also "Idiot Lights".
16762 "Follow me around.  I don't care.  I'm serious.  If anybody wants to put a
16763 tail on me, go ahead.  They'd be very bored."
16765 		   commenting on rumors of womanizing.
16768 	No provision for adjustment.
16770 Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
16772 Football builds self-discipline.  What else would induce
16775 Football combines the two worst features of American life.
16776 It is violence punctuated by committee meetings.
16777 		-- George F. Will, "Men At Work:  The Craft of Baseball"
16779 Football is a game designed to keep coalminers off the streets.
16782 For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
16784 For a light heart lives long.
16787 For adult education nothing beats children.
16790 since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.
16792 For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex.
16795 For children with short attention spans: boomerangs that don't come back.
16797 For courage mounteth with occasion.
16800 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
16804 there's half a dozen waiting to rub it out.
16807 For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
16808 		-- R. Clopton
16811 plain solution -- and it is always wrong.
16812 		-- H.L. Mencken
16814 For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu.  But if
16816 not, the amount of skipping will be in points (e.g., 6pt).  The rule is
16819 1mu=1pt is always used.  The meaning of '\mskip\skip12' and
16820 '\baselineskip=\the\thickmskip' should be clear.
16823 For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
16826 and cook.
16829 For fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
16835 For flaming youth.
16840 For good, return good.
16841 For evil, return justice.
16843 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.
16847 but with break of day I went to make supplication.
16848 		-- Paulus Silentarius, c. 540 A.D.
16852 implacable grandeur of this life.
16861 But for a truth, or for the common's sake.
16865 and whoso doth us a good turn we write it in dust.
16869 get themselves filed.
16872 For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...  I put them in
16873 the same room and let them fight it out.
16876 For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.  I
16877 put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
16881 the results of this evening's experiments.  Astonished at the wonderful
16883 and bad music may be put on record forever.
16887 that is the kind of book they will like.
16890 	Parachute.  Used once.
16891 	Never opened.  Slightly Stained.
16894 "Canada".  Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something.
16895 		-- Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S.
16897 For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
16900 massive jobs of a thousand years ago.  Why not, then, the
16906 was a gate.
16907 		-- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King"
16909 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
16910 	 referring to system overview.]
16913 For the first time we have a weapon that nobody has used for thirty years.
16914 This gives me great hope for the human race.
16917 For the next hour, WE will control all that you see and hear.
16919 For thee the wonder-working earth puts forth sweet flowers.
16922 For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel.  And if one can
16926 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
16927 	 referring to powerfail recovery.]
16934 And none a word may say.
16941 In Humanity's machine.
16948 The brave man with a sword.
16951 For thirty years a certain man went to spend every evening with Mme. ___.
16953 him to do so.  "No, no," he said: "if I did, where should I have to
16958 'Great Chieftain O' the Pudden Race' (i.e. haggis) here is an easy to follow
16960 protected species.
16965 	  8 oz. shredded suet
16969 	Scrape and clean bag in cold, then warm, water.  Soak in salt water
16970 overnight.  Wash pluck, then boil for 2 hours with windpipe draining over
16971 the side of pot.  Retain 1 pint of stock.  Cut off windpipe, remove surplus
16973 half only).  Parboil and chop onions, mix all together with oatmeal, suet,
16974 salt, pepper and stock to moisten.  Pack the mixture into bag, allowing for
16975 swelling.  Boil for three hours, pricking regularly all over.  If bag not
16977 four to five hours.
16979 For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
16983 continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.
16987 I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
16989 Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
16990 		-- Justin Richardson.
16992 Force has no place where there is need of skill.
16996 "That definition's just."
17002 If it breaks, well, it wasn't working anyway...
17003 No, don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
17009 	which the forecaster demands payment in the present.
17011 Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
17015 	their destitution of conscience.
17017 Forgive and forget.
17022 		-- G.B. Shaw
17025 And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
17028 Forgive your enemies, but don't forget their names.
17029 		-- John F. Kennedy
17031 Forsan et haec olim meminisse juvabit.
17036 which is easier to parse using ad hoc techniques.
17037 		-- D. Gries
17038 		[What's good about it?  Ed.]
17040 FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
17043 occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer.
17044 		-- A.J. Perlis
17046 FORTRAN is the language of Powerful Computers.
17049 FORTRAN rots the brain.
17054 too clumsy, too risky, and too expensive to use.
17055 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
17060 to use.
17061 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
17064 probably for at least the next decade.
17065 		-- T. Cheatham
17067 Fortunate is he for whom the belle toils.
17070 the person making the claim, not the critic.  It is not the responsibility
17073 or colored lights never healed anyone.  The skeptic's role is to point out
17076 the accepted body of scientific evidence.
17077 		-- Thomas L. Creed, The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII,
17078 		   No. 2, pg. 215
17080 Fortune and love befriend the bold.
17087 	my dissertation to rhyme.
17092 A:	No, He's a mythter.
17094 fortune: cannot execute.  Out of cookies.
17099 	Let's say a man and woman are watching a boxing match on TV.  One
17100 of the boxers is felled by a low blow.  The woman says "Oh, gee.  That must
17101 hurt." The man doubles over and actually FEELS the pain.
17105 garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.   A man will dress up
17106 for: weddings, funerals.  Speaking of weddings, when reminiscing about
17107 weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".  Men laugh about "the bachelor
17108 party".
17112 Earth.  Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad
17113 haircut.
17120 basis".
17122 her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots".  Then
17123 she will get on with her life.
17124 	A man has a little more trouble letting go.  Six months after the
17125 breakup, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just
17127 hate you, and you're a total floozy.  But I want you to know that there's
17128 always a chance for us".  This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You"
17129 drunken phone call, that 99% if all men have made at least once.  There are
17131 these classes rarely prove effective.
17137 boots, and slippers.  The average woman has shoes 4 layers thick on the floor
17138 of her closet.  Most of them hurt her feet.
17142 together, and say something like, "I hope we can be good friends."
17144 together, and say nothing.  After years of interacting with this other man,
17148 jerk, I guess you're OK."
17155 she reluctantly takes a small sliver off one edge.  A man will start by
17156 grabbing the cherry in the center.
17160 manuals for every car made since World War II.  He will work on a problem
17162 fixed without special tools".
17164 accurate description of an automotive problem.  She will, however, have the
17166 the average man.
17171 	When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about "the ceremony".
17172 Men talk about "the bachelor party".
17175 	Men don't discard clothes.  The average man still has the gym shirt
17176 he wore in high school.  He thinks a jacket is "just getting broken in" about
17177 the time it develops holes in the elbows.  A man will let new shirts sit on
17179 them to use, hoping they'll become more comfortable with age.
17180 	Women think clothes are radioactive, with a half-life of one year.
17181 They exercise precautions to avoid contamination by last year's fashions.
17187 around behind her back.  This same woman wouldn't tell her best friend if
17188 she knew the best friends' mate was having an affair.  She'll tell all her
17189 OTHER friends, however.  The average man won't say anything if he knows that
17192 of his friends.  He will tell all his friends about his own affairs, though,
17193 so they can be ready if he needs an alibi.
17198 the wheel of his car.  The fact that it's an 8-year-old Honda doesn't keep
17201 Right Stuff on the morning commute.  Does he or doesn't he?  Only his body
17202 shop knows for sure.  Insurance companies understand this behavior, and
17203 price their policies accordingly.
17206 her makeup.
17212 shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
17213 The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.  A man
17214 would not be able to identify most of these items.
17218 and buys these things.  A man waits 'til the only items left in his fridge
17219 are half a lime and a Blue Ribbon.  Then he goes grocery shopping.  He buys
17220 everything that looks good.  By the time a man reaches the checkout counter,
17221 his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.
17222 Of course, this will not stop him from entering the 10-items-or-less lane.
17228 out.  When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready
17230 checks on the kids, makes a phone call to her best friend...
17233 	Women love cats.  Men say they love cats, but when women aren't
17234 looking, men kick cats.
17237 	Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows
17239 and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.  Men are vaguely
17240 aware of some short people living in the house.
17245 	Women do laundry every couple of days.  A man will wear every article
17247 years ago, before he will do his laundry.  When he is finally out of clothes,
17249 of clothes to the laundromat.  Men always expect to meet beautiful women at
17250 the laundromat.  This is a myth.
17254 they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle.  But if
17256 refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain and Useless.
17259 	Men wear sensible socks.  They wear standard white sweatsocks.
17260 Women wear strange socks.  They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures
17261 of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.
17267 	only Mexican beer.  Of course, this policy gets him into no end of
17270 	fit to be sold.  Wacky events ensue until the gripping climax in
17271 	which the much-hated German beer distributor is drowned in a vat.
17277 	games.  The powerful ending of the film sees one young man after
17279 	Boardwalk property.
17283 O.E.D.:				David Lean, 1969, 3 hours 30 min.
17286 	shallowness in its treatment of a complete work.  Omar Sharif
17288 	the role of abbacy.  As usual, the photography is stunning.
17289 	With Julie Christie.
17295 	tries to make it big on Broadway.  Santa sings and dances his way
17296 	into your heart.
17302 	of his career.  Stallone plays a Philadelphia police officer on the
17303 	run from corrupt officials.  He is wounded and then nursed back to
17304 	health by Amish Mennonites.  Fearful that they might unwittingly
17305 	reveal his hiding place, he blows them all away.
17312 	make ends meet.  At night, granny sits on the porch, tells tales
17314 	and to power small electrical appliances.  Maureen Stapleton gives
17315 	a glowing performance.
17319 RAZORBACK:			Paul Harbride, 1984, 2 hours 25 min.
17322 	man-eating hog.  Some violence.  With Gregory Harrison.
17329 	Africa" is showing.  Many people are trampled to death in the frenzy.
17331 	younger viewers.
17337 	appliance, which invites them to play.  The Smurfs learn a valuable
17338 	(if sometimes fatal) lesson.
17341 	The inevitable sequel.  The lovable and somewhat mangled surviving
17344 	becoming rather greasy smoke.  Heartwarming fun for the entire family.
17348 THE PARKING PROBLEM IN PARIS:	Jean-Luc Godard, 1971, 7 hours 18 min.
17351 	everything from "timeless" to "endless."  (Remade by Gene
17352 	Wilder as NO PLACE TO PARK.)
17361 as that in support of an affirmative.
17362 		-- 254 Pac. Rep. 472.
17368 seems to us that someone has been very careless.
17369 		-- 78 So. 365.
17376 of the human race. Coming as it did, reasonably close on the heels of two
17378 it carries every reasonable implication of ill-will toward that person.
17379 		-- Smith v. Moran, 193 N.E. 2d 466.
17384 	Mumbles inaudibly when attempting to speak.  Talks to self.
17385 	Argues with self.  Loses these arguments.
17388 	Scribbles well.  Memos are invariable illegible, except for
17389 	the portions that attribute recent failures to someone else.
17394 	the minimum requirements expected of him by the company.
17397 	Serves as the perfect counter example.
17403 	that this pattern will continue throughout the coming year.
17407 	them in the order precisely opposite of his/her specification.
17410 	Usually manages to put on socks before shoes.  Can match the
17411 	animal tags on his clothing.
17418 	pencil monitor.
17421 	A true inspiration to others.  ("There, but for the grace of God,
17422 	go I.")
17426 	situation.
17430 	to meet them.
17432 Fortune favors the lucky.
17436 	Those who can, do.  Those who can't, write the instructions.
17440 	"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses."
17442 	Cowboy cheerleaders.
17447 	May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet."
17448 	Juliet, this bud's for you.
17453 	you've made happy.
17458 	No, I guess not.
17462 	Birds of a feather flock to a newly washed car.
17467 	It's nothing, honey.  Go back to sleep.
17471 	A word to the wise is often enough to start an argument.
17478 	USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #1.
17481 Mi ne komprenas.			I don't understand.
17483 	renkontas.				I've met.
17484 La ^ceko estas enpo^stigita.		The check is in the mail.
17485 Oni ne povas, ^gin netrovi.		You can't miss it.
17486 Mi nur rigardadas.			I'm just looking around.
17487 Nu, ^sajnis bona ideo.			Well, it seemed like a good idea.
17490 	USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #2.
17495 Mi estas komputilisto.			I work with computers.
17496 Mi legas multe da scienca fikcio.	I read a lot of science fiction.
17500 	USEFUL PHRASES IN ESPERANTO, #5.
17502 Mi ^cevalovipus vin se mi havus		I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
17503 	^cevalon.
17504 Vere vi ^sercas.			You must be kidding.
17508 Bu^so^stopu min per kulero.		Gag me with a spoon.
17513 Tarzan:			Who greased the grape viiiiiiiiiiiinnnneee........
17515 Pilot, TWA Fl. #343:	What's a mountain goat doing 'way up here?
17524 A:	The Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
17529 A:	To be or not to be.
17534 A:	Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
17535 Q:	What's Dr. Presume's full name?
17539 A:	Chicken Teriyaki.
17549 A:	The Halls of Montezuma and the Shores of Tripoli.
17550 Q:	Name two families whose kids won't join the Marines.
17555 		-- Mrs. Janice Markowsky, April 8, 1965
17560 		-- Mrs. Emily Barstow, June 16, 1954
17567 	cat "food in tin cans"			(all but 4.[23]BSD)
17581 	Answers				.10
17582 	Long answers			.25
17583 	Answers requiring thought	.50
17586 	Dumb looks are still free.
17589 1:  Forget what the cookbooks say, plain yogurt tastes nothing like sour cream.
17590 2:  Any recipe calling for soybeans tastes like mud.
17591 3:  Carob is not an acceptable substitute for chocolate.  In fact, carob is not
17592     an acceptable substitute for anything, except, perhaps, brown shoe polish.
17593 4:  There is no such thing as a "fun salad."  So let's stop pretending and see
17594     salads for what they are:  God's punishment for being fat.
17596     appealing as tepid beer.
17599     low-cal."  Also skip dishes featuring "lively liver."  They aren't and
17600     it isn't.
17601 8:  Wearing a blindfold often makes many diet foods more palatable.
17602 9:  Fresh fruit is not dessert.  CAKE is dessert!
17603 10: Okra tastes slightly worse than its name implies.
17605     swallowing.
17609 1:  Richard Simmons gets paid to exercise like a lunatic.  You don't.
17610 2.  Aerobic exercises stimulate and speed up the heart.  So do heart attacks.
17611 3.  Exercising around small children can scar them emotionally for life.
17612 4.  Sweating like a pig and gasping for breath is not refreshing.
17613 5.  No matter what anyone tells you, isometric exercises cannot be done
17614     quietly at your desk at work.  People will suspect manic tendencies as
17615     you twitter around in your chair.
17616 6.  Next to burying bones, the thing a dog enjoys most is tripping joggers.
17617 7.  Locking four people in a tiny, cement-walled room so they can run around
17619     racket should immediately be recognized for what it is: a form of insanity.
17620 8.  Fifty push-ups, followed by thirty sit-ups, followed by ten chin-ups,
17621     followed by one throw-up.
17622 9.  Any activity that can't be done while smoking should be avoided.
17627 1 or 2 quarts rum		1 tbsp. baking powder
17628 1 cup butter			1 tsp. soda
17629 1 tsp. sugar			1 tbsp. lemon juice
17633 Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality.  Good, isn't it?  Now
17634 select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.  Check the rum again.  It
17635 must be just right.  Be sure the rum is of the highest quality.  Pour one cup
17636 of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.  Repeat. With an electric
17637 mixer, beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 seaspoon of tugar
17638 and beat again.  Meanwhile, make sure the rum teh absolutely highest quality.
17639 Sample another cup.  Open second quart as necessary.  Add 2 orge laggs, 2 cups
17640 of fried druit and beat untill high.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the
17641 beaters, just pry it loose with a screwdriver.  Sample the rum again, checking
17642 for toncisticity.  Next sift 3 cups of baking powder, a pinch of rum, a
17643 seaspoon of toda and a cup of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter).
17644 Sample some more.  Sift 912 pint of lemon juice.  Fold in schopped butter and
17645 strained chups.  Add bablespoon of brown gugar, or whatever color you have.
17646 Mix mell.  Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees and rake until
17647 poothtick comes out crean.
17650 	A guinea pig is not from Guinea but a rodent from South America.
17651 	A firefly is not a fly, but a beetle.
17652 	A giant panda bear is really a member of the raccoon family.
17654 	    rather than a spotted one.
17655 	Peanuts are not really nuts.  The majority of nuts grow on trees
17656 		while peanuts grow underground.  They are classified as a
17657 		legume-part of the pea family.
17658 	A cucumber is not a vegetable but a fruit.
17662 Ruth, but after the oldest daughter of President Grover Cleveland.
17667 		North Pacific, South Pacific.
17669 		Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Grumpy, Sleepy and Bashful.
17672 	Zebra's are colored with dark stripes on a light background.
17678 flag to warn approaching motorists and pedestrians.
17682 at least once a year.
17687 can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
17692 ability in that particular field."
17697 at least two cows before he can wear cowboy boots in public.
17700 	Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
17705 right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
17710 a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.
17716 	Women's Air Corp.  It was a WAC's Museum.
17719 What to do...
17721 	Hope this one doesn't happen to you.  There isn't much that you
17722 	can do about it.  It will probably be quite unpleasant.
17726 	Play this one by the book.  Ask about the stock market and cash in.
17728 	younger self before you die, or you will create a paradox.  If you
17730 	behind time travel, and possibly schematics.  Never, NEVER, ask
17731 	when you'll die, or if you'll marry your current SO.
17734 What to do...
17736 	Speak slowly and be sure to enunciate your words properly.  Limit
17737 	your vocabulary to simple words.  Try to determine if you are
17738 	speaking to someone in a leadership capacity, or an ordinary citizen.
17741 	Hang up.  There's no sense in trying to learn Martian over the phone.
17744 	calling.
17748 	he, she or it is not "life as we know it".  Try to terminate the
17749 	conversation as soon as possible.  It will not profit you, and the
17750 	charges may have been reversed.
17753 What to do...
17755 	First of all, do not run after your camera.  You will not have any
17757 	you anyway.  Be polite.  Remember, if they have an FTL hyperdrive,
17758 	they can probably vaporize you, should they find you to be rude.
17760 	wanted to land, anyway.  A good road map should help.
17764 	Don't walk in.  You almost certainly will not be able to get back,
17765 	and alternate dimensions are almost never any fun.  Remain calm
17766 	and go back to bed.  Close the door first, so that the cat does not
17767 	wander off.  Check your closet in the morning.  If it still contains
17768 	an alternate dimension, nail it shut.
17776 combination of beauty and power.  Few have
17780 single poem ever written."
17784 of some of Roosevelt's policies...		directly traceable to the
17786 						Roosevelt.
17788 ... it is possible that we simply do		Professor Mitchell is a
17789 not understand the Russian viewpoint...		communist.
17792 goes to Representative Clare E. Hoffman of Michigan.  During an impassioned
17795 and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.
17798 	  having to artificially propagate oysters and clams."
17800 Dingell: "They may or may not be natural.  The simple fact of the matter is
17803 	  fertilization."
17804 Hoffman: "Wait a minute!  I do not want to go into that.  There are many
17805 	  teenagers who read The Congressional Record."
17811 and light after you've opened the bottle.  No one ever expects anything
17812 drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.
17818 the author of an memo is trying to say.  Thanks to modern developments
17821 never known.  Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
17822 memo is practically nil.  Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
17823 done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly.  If you *do* understand
17825 you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack.  In fact,
17828 	1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
17829 	2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
17830 	3: When replying to one of your own memos.
17834 	Never goose a wolverine.
17838 	Don't cut off a police car when making an illegal U-turn.
17840 Forty isn't old, if you're a tree.
17843 Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
17846 Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
17849 Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
17852 Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
17856 Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
17860 tombstones, women and competitors.
17864 Yes, damn thing wouldn't keep still, kept mucking about, 'owling...
17867 ingeniously on behalf of any theory, applied to any piece of literature.
17868 This is rarely harmful, because normally no-one reads such essays.
17869 		-- Robert Parker, quoted in "Murder Ink",  ed. D. Wynn
17873 	instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.
17877 	study for that instructor's course.
17882 	for you.
17884 Frankly, Scarlett, I don't have a fix.
17887 Fraud is the homage that force pays to reason.
17890 Free Speech Is The Right To Shout 'Theater' In A Crowded Fire.
17893 Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
17895 Freedom from incrustation of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
17897 Freedom is nothing else but the chance to do better.
17900 Freedom is slavery.
17901 Ignorance is strength.
17902 War is peace.
17905 Freedom of the press is for those who happen to own one.
17907 Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.
17913 	If you knew what you were doing you'd probably be bored.
17915 Friction is a drag.
17919 	invariably results in increased operational costs.
17921 Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
17925 	People who borrow your books and set wet glasses on them.
17927 	People who know you well, but like you anyway.
17931 I come to put down Caeser, not to groove him.
17933 The hip bits, like, go down under; so let it lay with Caeser.
17936 And, like, old Caeser really set them straight.
17940 Come I to make this gig at Caeser's laying down.
17943 over the other.
17947 your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
17949 From 0 to "what seems to be the problem officer" in 8.3 seconds.
17952 From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.
17953 That is the point that must be reached.
17954 		-- F. Kafka
17956 From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
17958 From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.
17964 Where we stand pajamas on.	(It's the only thing that rhymes.)
17968 And the check is in the mail.
17972 convulsed with laughter.  Some day I intend reading it.
17981 That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea.
17984 F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:
17985 	"Ernest, the rich are different from us."
17987 	"Yes.  They have more money."
17990 	Push something hard enough and it will fall over.
17993 	Get a can of shaving cream, throw it in a freezer for about a week.
17994 	Then take it out, peel the metal off and put it where you want...
17995 	bedroom, car, etc.  As it thaws, it expands an unbelievable amount.
17998 	In table tennis, whoever gets 21 points first wins.  That's how
17999 	it once was in baseball -- whoever got 21 runs first won.
18002 	The name California was given to the state by Spanish conquistadores.
18005 	1510.
18007 Function reject.
18009 Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
18013 	even when you are the only person in line.
18018 	even when you are the only person in line.
18021 Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.
18022 		-- H.H. Williams
18024 Furthermore, if we send something by car, it's a shipment...
18025 but if we send it by ship, it's cargo.
18027 Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
18029 Gaiety is the most outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.
18034 there is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.
18036 Garbage In - Gospel Out.
18039 our heads tomorrow.  But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
18042 Gay shlafen:  Yiddish for "go to sleep".
18046 	"Go to sleep, you little wretch!" ... "Gay shlafen, darling."
18050 long as you live.  This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all
18052 so on, but that's just the point.  It has to start with committed
18053 individuals and then grow....
18056 everything is written in Yiddish.  And we'll have to start driving on
18058 backwards.  But is that too high a price to pay for world peace?
18059 I think not, my friend, I think not.
18063 	A day to take the initiative.  Put the garbage out, for
18064 	instance, and pick up the stuff at the dry cleaners.  Watch
18066 	in it today, either.
18068 GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
18069 	Good news and bad news highlighted.  Enjoy the good news while you
18070 	can; the bad news will make you forget it.  You will enjoy praise
18071 	and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker.  A short
18072 	trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
18076 	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g. turtles and tortoises).
18081 	determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
18082 	tortoises).
18087 	who did not particularly care to trace his own.
18090 General notions are generally wrong.
18091 		-- Lady M.W. Montagu
18093 Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death.
18096 Generic Fortune.
18098 Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
18101 and if you don't, why you should.
18104 	A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with bright.
18109 	all the right things to all the right people.
18111 Genius does what it must, and Talent does what it can.
18114 Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
18117 Genius is pain.
18120 Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
18122 Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
18124 Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
18129 	"bright".
18132 	Why he stays in the bottle.
18137 with your requests which have been sent by H.M. ship from London to Lisbon and
18138 thence by dispatch to our headquarters.
18140 manner of sundry items for which His Majesty's Government holds me accountable.
18141 I have dispatched reports on the character, wit, and spleen of every officer.
18143 exceptions for which I beg your indulgence.
18147 regiment during a sandstorm in western Spain.  This reprehensible carelessness
18149 a fact which may come as a bit of a surprise to you gentlemen in Whitehall.
18152 why I am dragging an army over these barren plains.  I construe that perforce it
18153 must be one of two alternative duties, as given below.  I shall pursue either
18155 	1. To train an army of uniformed British clerks in Spain for the benefit
18157 	2. To see to it that the forces of Napoleon are driven out of Spain.
18162 old girl friend.
18166 	"Bring a friend, if you have one."
18169 had a previous engagement.  He also attached the following:
18170 	"Please send me two tickets for the next night, if there is one."
18172 George Orwell was an optimist.
18175 have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend.
18178 George's friend Sam had a dog who could recite the Gettysburg Address.  "Let
18179 me buy him from you," pleaded George after a demonstration.
18180 	"Okay," agreed Sam.  "All he knows is that Lincoln speech anyway."
18182 and announced that the animal could recite the entire Gettysburg Address.
18183 No one believed him, and they proceeded to place bets against the dog.
18185 the dog.  The dog looked back.  No sound.  "Come on, boy, do your stuff."
18186 Nothing.  A disappointed George took his dog and went home.
18188 yelled at the dog.  "Do you realize how much money you lost me?"
18189 	"Don't be silly, George," replied the dog.  "Think of the odds we're
18190 gonna get on Labor Day."
18193 one man ever understood me."  He fell silent for a while and then added,
18194 "And he didn't understand me."
18197 	1) An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
18198 	2) An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
18201 	   much as to make the task totally impossible.
18203 Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
18210 directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps.  Members will grep each other by the
18213 sleep, but not, we hope, od.  Three days will be devoted to discussion of the
18214 ramifications of whodo.  Two seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown
18215 of all the user-friendly features of Unix.  Seminars include "Everything You
18218 Kidding?" led by Jan Yeats.  No Reader Service No. is necessary because all
18220 them.
18221 		-- Dr. Dobb's Journal, June 1984
18223 Get in touch with your feelings of hostility against the dying light.
18226 Getting into trouble is easy.
18227 		-- D. Winkel and F. Prosser
18230 out of the Book-of-the-Month Club.
18234 Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
18237 	Following the rules will not get the job done.
18239 Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
18244 Snatch them from their little housies (...)
18245 First we chase them 'round the field (...)
18246 Then we have them for a meal (...)
18248 Toss them here and catch them there (...)
18249 See them flying through the air (...)
18250 Watch them fly and hear them squeal (...)
18251 Falling mice have great appeal (...)
18253 See the hunter stretched before us (...)
18254 He's chased the mice in field and forest (...)
18255 Watch him clean his long white whiskers (...)
18256 Of the blood of little critters (...)
18260 	sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
18265 between the Mountains and the Sea.
18270 were mirrored in his silver shield.
18275 in Mordor where the shadows are.
18280 	1. You can't win.
18281 	2. You can't break even.
18282 	3. You can't even quit the game.
18288 	Theorem.  To wit:
18290 	1. Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
18291 	2. Socialism is based on the assumption that you can break even.
18292 	3. Mysticism is based on the assumption that you can quit the game.
18296 big toe will pop out of your sock to see what's going on.
18298 GIVE:	Support the helpless victims of computer error.
18300 Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
18301 Teach a man to fish, and he'll invite himself over for dinner.
18305 that everything he encounters needs pounding.
18307 Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
18309 Give all orders verbally.  Never write anything down
18310 that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File".
18312 Give him an evasive answer.
18314 Give me a fish and I will eat today.
18315 Teach me to fish and I will eat forever.
18318 dome, and a place to stand, and I will drain the world.
18320 Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
18322 Give me chastity and continence, but not just now.
18323 		-- St. Augustine
18325 Give me libertines or give me meth.
18330 Save me, oh save me from the candid friend.
18335 The wretched refuse of your Selectric III's.
18336 Give these, the homeless, typist-tossed to me.
18337 I lift my disk beside the processor.
18340 Give thought to your reputation.
18341 Consider changing your name and moving to a new town.
18345 Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
18347 Give your very best today.
18348 Heaven knows it's little enough.
18350 Given a choice between grief and nothing, I'd choose grief.
18354 Open Software Foundation] is its mouth.
18357 Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
18360 off doing today will get done by itself.
18363 rather lie around.  No contest.
18367 car keys to teenage boys.
18368 	-- P.J. O'Rourke
18371 whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful.  The LISP machine now permits
18372 LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
18373 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
18376 	Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
18382 	some useful work done.
18384 Gloffing is a state of mine.
18396 	1/2 lb. sugar cubes
18399 the sugar cubes.  Just when it reaches boiling, put the sugar in a wire
18400 strainer, moisten it in the hot brew, lift it out and ignite it with a match.
18401 Dip the sugar several times in the liquid until it is all dissolved.  Serve
18402 hot in cups with a few raisins and almonds in each cup.
18403 	N.B. Aquavit may be hard to find and expensive to boot.  Use it only
18405 extraction.
18407 Go ahead... make my day.
18410 Go ahead, make my day.
18413 Go away, I'm all right.
18414 		-- H.G. Wells' last words.
18417 "compute this ... compute that"!  I'm taking a VAX-NAP.
18421 Go climb a gravity well.
18423 Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
18425 Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
18426 		-- J.R.R. Tolkien
18428 Go on writing plays, my boy.  One of these days a London producer will go
18431 start on the rubbish."  And that's your chance, my boy.
18432 		-- G.B. Shaw to William Douglas Home
18434 Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you.
18438 but quickly to their misfortunes.
18441 Go to a movie tonight.
18442 Darkness becomes you.
18444 Go to the Scriptures... the joyful promises it contains will be a balsam to
18445 all your troubles.
18450 in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country.
18454 religious sentiment.  Moral habits, they believed, cannot safely be trusted
18456 secure which is not supported by moral habits.
18461 Goals... Plans... they're fantasies, they're part of a dream world...
18465 	Darwin's chief rival.
18467 God created a few perfect heads.
18468 The rest he covered with hair.
18470 God created woman.
18472 but many other things ceased as well.
18473 Woman was God's second mistake.
18477 around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.
18480 that we listen twice as much as we speak.
18483 God gives burdens; also shoulders.
18486 at the end of the 1980 election.  At least he said it was a Jewish
18487 saying; I can't find it anywhere.  I'm sure he's telling the truth
18491 God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
18494 change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.
18496 God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little...
18497 The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty [...] I do
18498 not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman...
18500 and drinking beer.  But the man who cannot live on bread and water is
18503 		-- Rev. Henry Ward Beecher
18505 God help the troubadour who tries to be a star.  The more
18506 that you try to find success, the more that you will fail.
18509 God help those who do not help themselves.
18512 God helps them that helps themselves.
18513 		-- B. Franklin
18518 but by pains and contradictions.
18521 God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
18523 God is a polytheist.
18525 God is Dead.
18527 Nietzsche is Dead.
18529 Nietzsche is God.
18532 God is dead and I don't feel all too well either....
18535 God is love, but get it in writing.
18538 God is not dead.  He is alive and well and working on a
18539 much less ambitious project.
18543 God is real, unless declared integer.
18545 God is really only another artist.  He invented the giraffe, the
18546 elephant and the cat.  He has no real style, He just goes on trying
18547 other things.
18550 God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
18553 God isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
18555 God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
18557 God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.
18560 God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
18562 God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
18565 God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
18567 God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.
18570 God must have loved calories, she made so many of them.
18572 God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
18575 Let nothing you dismay.			The disk is wobbling, too.
18577 Until the first of May.			Can't tell false from true.
18579 Won't be postponed, they say.		At Berkeley's 4.2.
18585 It takes nine hundred K.		The line printer instead.
18586 The staff committed suicide,		The turnaround time's nineteen weeks.
18587 We'll bury them today.			And only cards are read.
18592 We hope the news we've brought to you		Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.
18593 Won't ruin your whole day.
18594 You've got another program due, tomorrow, by the way.
18599 and the Devil runs them by quantum theory on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.
18602 God said it, I believe it and that's all there is to it.
18604 God save us from a bad neighbor and a beginner on the fiddle.
18607 to receive it.
18610 God votes Republican.
18612 God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
18617 	somebody moves the ends.
18619 Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
18622 make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
18625 	A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution.  It
18628 	although gold hasn't done anything to them.
18632 	1.  Always hire a rich attorney.
18633 	2.  Never buy from a rich salesman.
18635 Goldfish... what stupid animals.  Even Wayne Cody stops
18636 eating before he bursts.
18639 	If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
18642 	(1) A backscratcher will always find new itches.
18643 	(2) Time accelerates.
18644 	(3) The weather at home improves as soon as you go away.
18649 	A woman only likes men she can't have and the South gets trashed.
18652 	-- by O. Henry
18654 	A husband and wife forget to register their gift preferences.
18659 	An old man goes fishing, but doesn't have much luck.
18664 	A young girl hides in an attic but is discovered.
18666 Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
18669 when he is too old to set a bad example.
18672 Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
18674 Good day for business affairs.
18675 Make a pass at that the new file clerk.
18677 Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
18679 Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
18681 Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to work.
18684 particularly lonely stewardesses.
18686 Good day to let down old friends who need help.
18688 Good evening, gentlemen.  I am a HAL 9000 computer.  I became operational
18690 ninety-five.  My supervisor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a
18691 song.  If you would like, I could sing it for you.
18693 Good, fast, and cheap.  Choose any two.
18695 Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
18698 those who govern.  The machinery of government is always subordinate to the
18699 will of those who administer that machinery.  The most important element of
18700 government, therefore, is the method of choosing leaders.
18703 "Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
18705 Good judgement comes from experience.
18706 Experience comes from bad judgement.
18709 Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
18711 Good morning.  This is the telephone company.  Due to repairs, we're
18713 at ten o'clock.  That's two minutes from now.
18715 Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
18717 Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
18719 Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
18723 Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
18726 new lover.
18728 Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
18729 		-- R.E. Schenk
18731 Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre.
18734 Good-bye.  I am leaving because I am bored.
18737 Goodbye, cool world.
18741 misery and shame, and my breath came in little gasps.  If I had not known
18749 	If you think you have the solution, the question was poorly phrased.
18752 	Hearing something you like about someone you don't.
18755 //GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
18762 Got a dictionary?  I want to know the meaning of life.
18765 I went out for a ride and never came back.
18767 I took a wrong turn and I just kept going.
18769 	Everybody's got a hungry heart.
18770 	Everybody's got a hungry heart.
18772 	Everybody's got a hungry heart.
18775 We fell in love, I knew it had to end.
18777 Now here I am down in Kingstown again.
18780 Everybody wants to have a home.
18782 Ain't nobody likes to be alone.
18786 Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
18791 	leaving the best part.
18793 Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.  Don't overdo it.
18796 Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know any
18798 know much.
18801 Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
18803 doesn't know much.
18807 	There is an exception to all laws.
18809 Governor Tarkin.  I should have expected to find you holding Vader's
18810 leash.  I thought I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on
18811 board.
18815 	2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for large values of 2.
18817 Graduate life -- it's not just a job, it's an indenture.
18820 no smarter than undergrads.  They're just older.
18822 Grand Master Turing once dreamed that he was a machine.  When he awoke
18829 	You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18831 	[I thought it was when your kids learned to drive.  Ed.]
18833 Graphics blind the eyes.
18834 Audio files deafen the ear.
18835 Mouse clicks numb the fingers.
18836 Heuristics weaken the mind.
18837 Options wither the heart.
18840 but trusts his inner vision.
18841 He allows things to come and go.
18842 His heart is as open as the ether.
18845 	A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.
18847 Gratitude, like love, is never a dependable international emotion.
18851 	What you get when you eat too much and too fast.
18853 Gravity brings me down.
18855 Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
18859 	accomplished in the same time as 'n' tasks.
18862 	'n+1' trivial tasks take twice as long as 'n' trivial tasks.
18864 Great acts are made up of small deeds.
18868 	Some is good, more is better, too much is just right.
18873 place of residence.
18877 Issac Newton becomes discouraged when he falls up a flight of stairs.
18881 Pancake make-up is invented; most people continue to prefer syrup.
18883 Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
18886 They laughed at Einstein.  They laughed at the Wright Brothers.  But they
18887 also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
18890 Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
18892 Green light in A.M. for new projects.
18893 Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
18896 Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
18900 	themselves to be above average drivers.
18902 grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
18905 value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
18909 	When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
18912 	... so you see, it's just the two of us against the entire space
18913 	armada.
18917 	overwhelming odds.
18923 	At all times, for any task, you have not got enough done today.
18926 groundhog came out of its hole, it was killed by a mudslide.
18930 better with the House of Representatives.  A popular story circulating
18932 "Wake up!  I think there are burglars in the house."
18934 maybe, but not in the House."
18936 Growing old isn't bad when you consider the alternatives.
18940 reason: sci-fi is a hormonal activity, not a literary one.  Its traditional
18941 concerns are all pubescent.  Secondary sexual characteristics are everywhere,
18942 disguised.  Aliens have tentacles.  Telepathy allows you to have sex without
18943 any nasty inconvenience of touching.  Womblike spaceships provide balanced
18944 meals.  No one ever has to grow old -- body parts are replaceable, like
18945 Job's daughters, and if you're lucky you can become a robot.  As for the
18948 television) and are often ruled by young boys on quests.  The most popular
18951 universe while straddling a giant worm.
18954 Grub first, then ethics.
18958 	A French chopping center.
18962 	occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
18964 Guns don't kill people.  Bullets kill people.
18968 	     the aircraft will encounter turbulence.
18970 	     is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.
18974 	the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth.
18977 gurmlish, n.:
18980 	of his mouth.
18986 	phone call you are about to receive from your boss.
18989 	A computer owner who can read the manual.
18999 	of the axis of spin.
19005 philosopher Frisbee Frobenius to the common usage, 'hack'.
19020 Hackers are just a migratory lifeform with a tropism for computers.
19023 2 pkg. cream cheese (the mushy white stuff in silver wrappings that doesn't
19024 	really come from Philadelphia after all; anyway, about 16 oz.)
19025 1 tsp. vanilla extract (which is more alcohol than vanilla and pretty
19028 8 oz. Cool Whip (the fluffy stuff devoid of nutritional value that you
19029 	can squirt all over your friends and lick off...)
19030 "Blend all together until creamy with no lumps."  This is where you get to
19033 	and icky looking and you have to work hard to mix it.  Try an electric
19035 	the ceiling(3m).
19036 "Pour into a graham cracker crust..."  Aha, the BUGS section at last.  You
19039 	GCs into a suitable tempfile and mix in some melted butter.
19040 "...and refrigerate for an hour."  Leave the recipe's stdout in a fridge
19042 	by time out your cheesecake will be ready for stdin.
19046 	a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
19055 Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
19061 					And killed him in his place.
19066 					No other reason why.
19070 Or help to half-a-crown."
19074 useful hints for the better ordering of the universe.
19077 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
19078 	 referring to operating system initialization.]
19081 fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
19087 Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
19096 			(a) A pen or pencil or typewriter.
19097 			(b) Stationery.
19098 			(c) Postage stamp.
19099 			(d) The letter you are answering.
19101 Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not be.
19102 But half the bee has got to be, vis-a-vis its entity.  See?
19106 Half Moon tonight.  (At least its better than no Moon at all.)
19108 Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
19111 and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
19115 	light green, yet full of garlic flavor.  The difference between this
19117 	difference between life and death.
19124 	about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop.  Say to the
19125 	man, "Let me have a nice half-done."  Worth the trouble, wasn't it?
19128 Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
19131 	(1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending.
19133 	    something fixed.
19134 	(3) Constituency drives out consistency (i.e., liberals defend
19136 	    their own districts).
19140 	arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
19148 	occasional misunderstanding, sulking, and name-calling.
19150 Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way.
19154 	The wrath of grapes.
19158 	that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
19162 	but always too many days before Saturday.
19164 Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
19168 	from contemplating the misery of another.
19171 	Finding the owner of a lost bikini.
19173 Happiness is a hard disk.
19175 Happiness is a positive cash flow.
19177 Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
19180 Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
19183 Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
19185 Happiness is the greatest good.
19187 Happiness is twin floppies.
19189 Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.
19191 Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
19194 Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
19198 Happy is the child whose father died rich.
19202 	of other people.
19204 Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.
19213 	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
19215 Hardware met Software on the road to Changtse. Software said: "You are Yin
19216 and I am Yang. If we travel together we will become famous and earn vast
19217 sums of money." And so the set forth together, thinking to conquer the world.
19219 hobbled along propped on a thorny stick.  Firmware said to them: "The Tao
19220 lies beyond Yin and Yang.  It is silent and still as a pool of water.  It does
19221 not seek fame, therefore nobody knows its presence.  It does not seek fortune,
19222 for it is complete within itself.  It exists beyond space and time."
19223 	Software and Hardware, ashamed, returned to their homes.
19226 	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
19235 Advertising wondrous things.
19238 Tell us to go out and Buy.
19240 Harp not on that string.
19245 	increases in direct proportion to the softness of the bread.
19248 and I were waiting with our plates ready.
19250 the gravy with."
19252 reach one out.  We were not five seconds getting it.  When we looked round
19254 	It was a wide, open field.  There was not a tree or a bit of hedge for
19255 hundreds of yards.  He could not have tumbled into the river, because we were
19256 on the water side of him, and he would have had to climb over us to do it.
19257 	George and I gazed all about.  Then we gazed at each other.
19258 	"Has he been snatched up to heaven?" I queried.
19259 	"They'd hardly have taken the pie, too," said George.
19261 theory.
19263 to the commonplace and practicable, "that there has been an earthquake."
19265 hadn't been carving that pie."
19266 		-- Jerome K. Jerome, "Three Men In A Boat"
19270 	equipment ruined.
19273 For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
19276 	All the good ones are taken.
19278 Harry and Fred were playing their Sunday afternoon golf game.  The game, as
19279 always, was close.  They were at the treacherous 12th hole: a par three that
19280 required a perfect first shot over a large pond and onto a tiny green.  There
19282 feet beyond it.  Harry went first.  He carefully addressed the ball and hit
19284 pond.  Just as Fred addressed his ball, he looked up and noticed a funeral
19285 procession along the road just behind the green.  Fred put down his club,
19286 took his hat off, and waited for the entire procession to pass.  As soon as
19288 again.  Harry said, "Damn, Fred.  That was a really nice thing you did,
19289 waiting for the funeral to pass like that."
19290 	Fred finished his swing, making perfect contact with the ball.  It
19291 was an excellent shot that landed 7 feet from the hole.  "It's the least I
19293 you know."
19297 its wild horses.  I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs
19299 wild horses in person.  In person, they are like enormous hooved rats.  They
19300 amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: "We're wild horses.
19301 We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes.
19302 We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon."
19305 Harry's bar has a new cocktail.  It's called MRS punch.  They make it with
19306 milk, rum and sugar and it's wonderful.  The milk is for vitality and the
19307 sugar is for pep.  They put in the rum so that people will know what to do
19308 with all that pep and vitality.
19312 	get him to float on his back, you've got something.
19315 	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
19318 	Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
19321 	The completely psychotic have all the fun.
19326 	organism will do as it damn well pleases.
19330 	Sophomore Dave Strewzinski... likes to pass.  And pass he does, with
19331 a record 86 attempts (three completions) in 87 plays....  Though Strewzinski
19333 has made him the least sacked quarterback in the Ivy league.
19336 Phil Yip, who is very fast.  Yip is so fast that he has set a record for being
19337 fast.  Expect to see Yip elude all pursuers and make it into the endzone five
19338 or six times, his average for a game.  Yip, nicknamed "fumblefingers" and "you
19340 those times.
19343 	On the defensive side, Yale boasts the stingiest line in the Ivies.
19345 Finklestein, the tightest ends in recent Eli history.  Also contributing to
19347 out the offensive ethnic joke.  Look for these three to shut down the opening
19348 coin toss.
19354 "Yes; I don't have one."
19355 "Okay, you can send mail to one of the tutors..."
19356 		-- E. D'Azevedo, CS, University of Washington
19361 	Perhaps inadvertently, we have a channel for our aggressions.  This
19363 serves to blunt the warning signs.
19366 	Have a nice day.
19370 was designed, among other things, to facilitate the even use of both hands.
19372 but a lot harder than it appears.
19378 incomparable services as a maker of entertainment.
19379 		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
19381 Haste makes waste.
19387 	"Goodness had nothin' to do with it, dearie."
19390 Hate is like acid.  It can damage the vessel in which it is
19391 stored as well as destroy the object on which it is poured.
19393 Hate the sin and love the sinner.
19397 unwed mothers and cheating on your income tax.
19401 	A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.
19408 Have a nice diurnal anomaly.
19411 somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom.
19414 Have a taco.
19415 		-- P.S. Beagle
19419 Have no friends not equal to yourself.
19423 seriously, for they will shape you.
19435 Well, I haven't.  I find that whenever a woman becomes friends with me,
19437 whenever I become friends with a woman, I become selfish and tyrannical.
19439 remain so.
19459 Yesterdays papers, telling yesterdays news.
19465 I'll show you something to make you change your mind...
19468 Memories fading like the metal ribbons that he wears.
19470 For one more forgotten hero and a world that doesn't care...
19475 Spending every dime, for a wonderful time...
19478 ...
19483 Puttin' on the Ritz.
19484 ...
19487 Puttin' on the Ritz.
19488 Puttin' on the Ritz.
19489 Puttin' on the Ritz.
19490 Puttin' on the Ritz.
19492 Having a baby isn't so bad.  If you're a female Emperor penguin
19493 in the Antarctic.  She lays the egg, rolls it over to the father,
19495 eats.  For two months, the father stands stiff, without food,
19496 blind in the 24-hour dark, balancing the egg on his feet.  After
19497 the little penguin is hatched, the mother sees fit to come home.
19498 		-- L.M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman"
19500 Having a wonderful wine, wish you were beer.
19502 Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
19505 Having no talent is no longer enough.
19508 Having nothing, nothing can he lose.
19511 Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods.
19516 the traditional keg of brandy strapped to his collar.
19520 "Hawk, we're going to die."
19521 "Never say die... and certainly never say we."
19526 	when you've got to run the whole circus.
19535 HE:	Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science.
19536 SHE:	What?!?  Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains.
19539 He asked me if I knew what time it was -- I said yes, but not right now.
19540 		-- S. Wright
19542 He didn't run for reelection.  "Politics brings you into contact with all
19543 the people you'd give anything to avoid," he said. "I'm staying home."
19546 He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
19550 finer than the staple of his argument.
19553 He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
19556 perfectly delightful.
19561 all hope of ever behaving "normally."
19562 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"
19564 He hadn't a single redeeming vice.
19568 Belial, and once, at a party, some obnoxious drunk kept calling him "Dude".
19571 He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him.
19574 He hath eaten me out of house and home.
19579 said, "there's a conflict between land and people... the people have to go..."
19582 He is a man capable of turning any colour into grey.
19586 who can say nothing in the most words.
19588 He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
19590 He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
19593 He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
19596 He is the best of men who dislikes power.
19599 He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
19601 He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
19602 		-- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"
19604 He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.
19606 He knew the tavernes well in every toun.
19609 He knows not how to know who knows not also how to unknow.
19612 He laughs at every joke three times... once when it's told,
19613 once when it's explained, and once when he understands it.
19615 He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.
19618 He missed an invaluable opportunity to hold his tongue.
19622 had fallen to the ground.
19625 (He opens a tolm and begins.)
19627 	It says: "In the beginning was the Word."
19628 	Already I am stopped.  It seems absurd.
19630 	I must translate it otherwise.
19631 	If I am well inspired and not blind.
19632 	It says: "In the beginning was the Mind."
19634 	Lest you should write too hastily.
19636 	It ought to say: "In the beginning there was Force."
19638 	That my translation must be changed again.
19639 	The spirit helps me.  Now it is exact.
19640 	I write: "In the beginning was the Act."
19643 [He] played the King as if afraid someone else might play the ace.
19644 		-- Unattributed review of a performance of King Lear.
19646 My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
19649 His performance is so wooden you want to spray him with Liquid Pledge.
19652 He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
19656 And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
19657 		-- O. Nash, on the perfect husband
19659 He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
19660 		-- J.R.R. Tolkien
19662 He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open.
19663 		-- Scottish proverb.
19665 He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book.
19666 		-- B. Franklin
19668 He that is giddy thinks the world turns round.
19671 He that teaches himself has a fool for a master.
19674 He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
19676 He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
19678 He thinks the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
19682 That fluttered 'round the lamp.
19684 A penny postage stamp.
19686 "The nights are rather damp."
19689 three hundred years ago. "What is the 'Body of a rock'?" he was asked.
19691 slashing his abdomen with a knife.  Just as the pupil was about to comply,
19692 the Master stayed his hand, saying, "That is the 'Body of a rock'."
19696 a complete set.
19699 He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
19701 He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land.  He loved it so much he
19702 made a woman out of dirt and married her.  But when he kissed her, she
19703 disintegrated.  Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to
19704 dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them.  At his hanging, he
19705 told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven -- with a gun."
19709 but then I was part of his dream too.
19712 He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
19715 would be greatly improved by a terminal illness.
19717 He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
19720 broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.
19721 		-- William S. Paley, chairman of CBS
19724 the human condition is a fool.
19727 He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser.
19730 He who enters his wife's dressing room is a philosopher or a fool.
19733 He who fears the unknown may one day flee from his own backside.
19736 He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.
19738 He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
19740 He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
19742 He who has but four and spends five has no need for a wallet.
19744 He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
19747 a master of the world as he who is ready to die.
19750 He who hates vices hates mankind.
19752 He who hesitates is a damned fool.
19755 He who hesitates is last.
19757 He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
19759 He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
19762 takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
19764 He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
19766 He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
19768 He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
19771 encounter many rivals.
19776 senses until the day of judgement.
19779 He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
19781 He who knows, does not speak.  He who speaks, does not know.
19784 He who knows not and knows that he knows not is ignorant.  Teach him.
19785 He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool.  Shun him.
19786 He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep.  Wake him.
19788 He who knows nothing, knows nothing.
19789 But he who knows he knows nothing knows something.
19791 	he knows something.  Or something like that.
19793 He who knows others is wise.
19794 He who knows himself is enlightened.
19797 He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.
19800 He who laughs has not yet heard the bad news.
19803 He who laughs last -- missed the punch line.
19805 He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
19807 He who laughs last hasn't been told the terrible truth.
19809 He who laughs last is probably your boss.
19811 He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
19813 He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
19815 He who laughs, lasts.
19817 He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
19820 And parallel lines meet in space.
19823 He who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man.
19824 		-- Dr. Johnson
19826 He who minds his own business is never unemployed.
19829 be the greatest benefactor the world has yet known.
19832 He who slings mud generally loses ground.
19835 He who slings mud loses ground.
19838 He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
19840 He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
19842 He who walks on burning coals is sure to get burned.
19845 He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.
19846 		-- M.C. Escher
19850 education and culture.
19854 Details at 11.
19856 Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
19859 lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
19862 Hear about...
19866 Hear about...
19870 Hear about...
19872 	attacked a karate-trained cop with a deadly weapon.  She ended
19875 Hear about...
19879 Hear about...
19884 Hear about...
19890 Burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
19892 Hear me, my chiefs, I am tired; my heart is sick and sad.
19893 From where the sun now stands I Will Fight No More Forever.
19897 Guernsey cows?  It's gonna be the herd shot 'round the world.
19899 Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.
19903 on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning.
19904 		-- Dr. John Lightfoot,
19910 	you expound your own.
19912 Heavier than air flying machines are impossible.
19913 		-- Lord Kelvin, President, Royal Society, c. 1895
19916 	Seduced by the chocolate side of the force.
19918 Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
19920 Heisenberg may have been here.
19922 Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
19926 for where we are is Hell, and where Hell is there must we ever be.
19932 Hell is empty and all the devils are here.
19933 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest"
19936 	Truth seen too late.
19939 	The first myth of management is that it exists.
19942 	The first myth of management is that it exists.
19946 	organization.
19948 Hello.  Jim Rockford's machine, this is Larry Doheny's machine.  Will you
19949 please have your master call my master at his convenience?  Thank you.
19950 Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.
19963 "Hello," he lied.
19966 Hell's broken loose.
19976 		-- E. E. CUMMINGS
19978 Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
19994 them, without any power of engaging their respect.
19995 		-- J. Austen
20000 Upon some stars bestowed her name.
20004 No stellar recognition's given.
20005 There are not stars enough in heaven.
20008 One fortunate cookie...
20011 from President's and Kings to the scum of the earth...
20013 Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
20019 It seems like I know everybody's lines.
20023 I grow up.
20027 All logged in, but work unstarted.
20028 First net.this and net.that,
20029 And a hot buttered bun for net.fat.
20032 Then I turn back to net.flame.
20034 For someone trapped in net.news?
20037 'Cause I'll soon be listed in net.jobs.
20040 	I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
20042 	I'm Salome, moon of the East.
20045 	Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
20047 	With Dido, and Eve, and poor Nell.
20050 	At whose beckoning history shook.
20052 	So I stay at home with a book.
20057 hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.  Did you
20060 use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson.
20061 	It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works.  When you scuffed
20063 that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt.
20066 down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.
20070 if you're alive, it isn't.
20072 Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month.  According
20074 marketing anxiety in China.
20077 inflection) "wax-fattened mare" or "bite the wax tadpole".
20079 Bite the wax tadpole.  There is a sort of rough justice, is there not?
20082 a whole column out of it.  I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax
20083 tadpole.  Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare.  Not bad, but broad
20084 satiric vistas do not open up.
20088 SHOT 4 TIMES WITH A .44
20094 Now she's at rest, and so am I.
20097 Here there by tygers.
20099 HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake.  Straddle a big crack in
20101 around as if you're going to fall.
20102 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
20105 `Psychic Wins Lottery.'
20109 King Jr.'s birthday, when the following will be closed:
20118 and the mind of Senator Jesse Helms of North Carolina.
20122 	He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.
20127 And why he don't like me I don't understand.
20130 He's dead, Jim.
20133 and he keeps it in a jar on his desk.
20135 He's just a politician trying to save both his faces...
20137 He's just like Capistrano, always ready for a few swallows.
20140 his opinion.  It's up to you to cast it into a void or not.
20144 be there... with two slices of bread and some chunky peanut butter.
20146 Heuristics are bug ridden by definition.
20147 If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.
20152 	peers similarly engaged.
20157 And have to pop all the way back.
20159 Hey, Jim, it's me, Susie Lillis from the laundromat.  You said you were
20160 gonna call and it's been two weeks.  What's wrong, you lose my number?
20163 	Be sure it's true, when you say "I love you".  It's a sin to
20164 	tell a lie.  Millions of hearts have been broken, just because
20165 	these words were spoken.
20169 "Oh, about $500."
20179 Hi!  I'm Larry.  This is my brother Bob, and this is my other brother
20180 Jimbo.  We thought you might like to know the names of your assailants.
20182 Hi!  You have reached 962-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and
20183 the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible.  Please
20184 leave your name and message after the beep...
20187 	(just fine, thank you...)
20189 	(you just asked one...)
20192 Yes.
20193 	(you already asked that...)
20194 [at this point, Alphonso gets smart...	]
20196 	(no.)
20198 	(nope...)
20200 	(yes, you may.)
20207 	(go right ahead...)
20209 Hi, I'm Preston A. Mantis, president of Consumers Retail Law Outlet.  As
20211 height on the shelves behind me, I am a trained legal attorney.  Do you have
20213 makings of an excellent legal case.  Although of course every case is
20216 cabin cruiser.
20218 Remember, at the Preston A. Mantis Consumers Retail Law Outlet, our
20219 motto is:  'It is very difficult to disprove certain kinds of pain.'
20222 Hi Jimbo.  Dennis.  Really appreciate the help on the income tax.
20227 nor bizarre stories, so you may as well go home.
20232 The others escaped with minor injuries.
20238 Call (511) 338-0959 for an immediate appointment.
20241 Im Leibe dick, an Suenden reich.
20243 Weil es uns dunkt er sei verreckt.	And numerous Sins upon his head;
20245 					As far as we can tell, he's dead.
20258 I just loved Mom."
20260 Higgins:	Doolittle, you're either an honest man or a rogue.
20261 Doolittle:	A little of both, Guv'nor.  Like the rest of us, a
20262 		little of both.
20266 who was tired of being kissed on the forehead.
20269 Bro. Maynard:	And Saint Attila raised the Holy Hand Grenade up on high
20271 	smash our enemies to tiny bits."  And the Lord did grin, and the
20274 High Priest:	Skip a bit, brother.
20275 Bro. Maynard:	And then the Lord spake, saying: "First, shalt thou take
20276 	out the holy pin.  Then shalt thou count to three.  No more, no less.
20278 	counting shall be three.  *Four* shalt thou not count, and neither
20279 	count thou two, excepting that thou then goest on to three.  Five is
20280 	RIGHT OUT.  Once the number three, being the third number be reached,
20282 	naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.  Amen.
20283 All:	Amen.
20288 	of equal parts of silicon and marijuana.
20290 Higher education helps your earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
20294 	any road will get you there.
20296 Him:	"Your skin is so soft.  Are you a model?"
20297 Her:	"No,"  [blush]  "I'm a cosmetologist."
20298 Him:	"Really? That's incredible...
20299 	It must be very tough to handle weightlessness."
20302 Hindsight is always 20:20.
20305 Hindsight is an exact science.
20308 	An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin.
20310 	eagle.  The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter
20311 	eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold.
20312 	The study of zoology is full of surprises.
20314 Hire the morally handicapped.
20317 a lady of her fortune by way of marriage.
20320 ...his disciples lead him in; he just does the rest.
20323 "His eyes were cold.  As cold as the bitter winter snow that was falling
20324 outside.  Yes, cold and therefore difficult to chew..."
20326 His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god.  He preferred
20327 to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam.  He never
20328 claimed to be a god.  But then, he never claimed not to be a god.  Circum-
20329 stances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.
20330 Silence, though, could.  It was in the days of the rains that their prayers
20333 goddess of the Night.  The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through
20336 rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.
20337 Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...
20340 His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
20342 His ideas of first-aid stopped short of squirting soda water.
20343 		-- P.G. Wodehouse
20345 His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
20347 His mind is like a steel trap: full of mice.
20350 His super power is to turn into a scotch terrier.
20354 continues to this day.
20357 History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
20359 History has much to say on following the proper procedures.  From a history
20362 	"Hildago was later defeated at Guadalajara.  The rebel army was
20363 captured on its way through the mountains.  All were courtmartialed and
20364 shot, except Hildago, because he was a priest.  He was handed over to
20366 army where he was then executed."
20369 i.e. none to speak of.
20375 	They make more of it every year.
20378 cluttered up with a mass of unnecessary figures and proper names.
20381 History is on our side (as long as we can control the historians).
20383 History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree on.
20386 History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
20389 time as bedroom farce.
20391 History repeats itself only if one does not listen the first time.
20396 intervals, casts its too narrow skin and assumes another...  Truly the imago
20397 state of Man seems to be terribly distant, but every moult is a step gained.
20401 Burn that sausage just a match or two more done.
20404 A semi-meal ain't nuthin' much to want.
20410 A semi-friend ain't nuthin' much to want.
20414 With a semi-pretty woman in my arms.
20417 With a semi-pretty woman in my arms.
20422 	only while you are trying to staple something.
20424 H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken.
20425 There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
20428 H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L.
20429 Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
20432 H.L. Mencken's Law:
20433 	Those who can -- do.
20434 	Those who can't -- teach.
20437 	Those who cannot teach -- administrate.
20439 		[No, those who can't teach, teach here.  Ed.]
20443 	they will find an easier way to do it.
20446 An exhibit of works by the artist known only as Pretzel.
20450 discarded sanitary napkins and parts of freeways.  The artist explores
20452 structures in a post-industrial world.  She/he (the artist prefers to
20456 class-based stress.  The works are arranged to lead us to the essence of
20459 exist in a more fundamental sense.
20463 	problem struggling to get out.
20465 Hodie natus est radici frater.
20469 	revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.
20473 	Hofstadter's Law into account.
20479 -- General Burkhalter or Major Hochstetter intimidate/insult Colonel Klink.
20480 -- Colonel Klink falls for Colonel Hogan's flattery.
20481 -- One of the prisoners sneaks out of camp (one shot for each prisoner to go).
20483 	if it's one of our heroes on the other end).
20484 -- One of the Germans is threatened with being sent to the Russian front.
20486 	tricks him (two shots if it's Colonel Klink).
20487 -- Hogan has a romantic interlude with a beautiful girl from the underground.
20488 -- Colonel Klink relates how he's never had an escape from Stalag 13.
20489 -- Sergeant Schultz gives up a secret (two shots if he's bribed with food).
20490 -- The prisoners listen to the Germans' conversation by a hidden transmitter.
20491 -- Sergeant Schultz "captures" one of the prisoners after an escape.
20492 -- Lebeau pronounces "colonel" as "cuh-loh-`nell".
20493 -- Carter builds some kind of device (two shots if it's not explosive).
20494 -- Lebeau wears his apron.
20496 	plan is impossible.
20497 -- The prisoners capture an important German, and sneak him out the tunnel.
20500 	What thou doest when thy phone is on the fritzeth.
20511 they have to take you in.
20514 Home is where the hurt is.
20517 cage is to a cockatoo.
20520 Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
20522 "Home, Sweet Home" must surely have been written by a bachelor.
20525 Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty.
20528 Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
20529 		-- F.M. Hubbard
20531 Honesty's the best policy.
20535 	A short period of doting between dating and debting.
20536 		-- Ray C. Bandy
20538 Honi soit la vache qui rit.
20540 Honk if you love peace and quiet.
20543 	Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach.  In legislative
20545 	as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur."
20547 Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper.
20550 Hope is a waking dream.
20553 Hope not, lest ye be disappointed.
20554 		-- M. Horner
20556 Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
20558 Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound.
20562 as the mediocre verses of the young man she is in love with.
20566 	Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
20569 	Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
20571 Hors d'oeuvres -- a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
20574 Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
20575 		-- W.C. Fields
20577 HOST SYSTEM NOT RESPONDING, PROBABLY DOWN. DO YOU WANT TO WAIT? (Y/N)
20579 HOST SYSTEM RESPONDING, PROBABLY UP...
20581 Hotels are tired of getting ripped off.  I checked into a hotel and they
20582 had towels from my house.
20589 	mayonnaise makes a dandy substitute.
20591 Housework can kill you if done right.
20594 Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.
20597 How apt the poor are to be proud.
20633 		-- A. Cooper
20637 Only the ignorant or the busy could.  That elm
20639 be perilous and dear with rain of an alternate earth.
20640 Which is not to damn the forested China of touching.
20642 of breasts with their loud nipples congregates in me.
20643 The sudden nakedness, the small ribs, the mouth.
20644 Splendid.  Splendid.  Splendid.  Like Rome.  Like loins.
20645 A glamour sufficient to our long marvelous dying.
20647 for my life has been eaten in that foliate city.
20648 To ambergris.  But not for recreation.
20649 I would not have lost so much for recreation.
20652 of deliberate ignorance of each to allow the dreaming.
20654 have I come this far, stubborn, disasterous way.
20655 But for relish of those archipelagoes of person.
20658 to blowing woods.  From woods to jungle.  Persimmon.
20659 To light.  From light to princess.  From princess to woman
20660 in all her fresh particularity of difference.
20662 indecent and still, to speak to her without habit.
20663 This I have done with my life, and am content.
20665 standing in the huge singing and the alien world.
20669 		-- Elliot, "E.T."
20671 "How do you know she is a unicorn?" Molly demanded.  "And why were you afraid
20672 to let her touch you?  I saw you.  You were afraid of her."
20674 replied without rancor.  "I would not waste time in foolishness if I were
20675 you.  As to your first question, no cat out of its first fur can ever be
20676 deceived by appearances.  Unlike human beings, who enjoy them.  As for your
20679 licked himself smooth again.  Even then he would not look at Molly, but
20680 examined his claws.
20682 hers and not my own, not ever again."
20683 		-- Peter S. Beagle, "The Last Unicorn"
20696 	Improve its object code.
20698 	Increase the system load.
20703 	Tear their clothes to rags.
20706 journalists, and they believe what they read.
20709 How kind of you to be willing to live someone's life for them.
20711 How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
20719 d'oeuvre.  If they're those little pastry things where you can't tell what's
20722 bite another one and go, "Darn it!  Another cheese!" and so on.
20733 Less than you'll ever know.
20736 daughter... how much for the little girl?
20744 only by setting out for somewhere else.
20745 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
20747 How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
20752 How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating Gifted Children
20753 		-- Book title by Lewis B. Frumkes
20757 How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
20759 How you look depends on where you go.
20762 in my traditional manner... sulking and nausea.
20763 		-- Tom K. Ryan
20765 However, on religious issues there can be little or no compromise.  There
20766 is no position on which people are so immovable as their religious beliefs.
20768 or God, or Allah, or whatever one calls this supreme being.  But like any
20770 sparingly.  The religious factions that are growing throughout our land are
20771 not using their religious clout with wisdom.  They are trying to force
20772 government leaders into following their position 100 percent.  If you disagree
20774 threaten you with a loss of money or votes or both.  I'm frankly sick and
20777 "D."  Just who do they think they are?  And from where do they presume to
20781 call in the Senate.  I am warning them today:  I will fight them every step
20783 in the name of "conservatism."
20786 HR 3128.  Omnibus Budget Reconciliation, Fiscal 1986.  Martin, R-Ill., motion
20788 changes in the bill to reduce fiscal 1986 deficits.  The Senate amendment
20790 amendment to the Senate amendment to the bill.  The original Senate amendment
20791 was the conference agreement on the bill.  Agreed to.
20796 	you won't get out of it alive.
20799 Oh wait...
20800 I'm a computer, and you're a person.  It would never work out.
20801 Never mind.
20805 Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
20807 Human cardiac catheterization was introduced by Werner Forssman in 1929.
20812 x-ray film.  In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the Nobel Prize.
20814 Human kind cannot bear very much reality.
20815 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton"
20817 Human resources are human first, and resources second.
20818 		-- J. Garbers
20822 immature.
20825 Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.
20828 Humility is the first of the virtues -- for other people.
20831 Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
20833 Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse.
20836 Humorists always sit at the children's table.
20840 chatting with persons who've never existed.  Such carryings-on in our peaceable
20847 dust speck...  Hah! That we shall boil in a hot steaming kettle of Beezle-But
20849 		-- Dr. Seuss "Horton Hears a Who"
20857 Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
20861 	to... to... uh.....
20865 	with a silk sow.  The same is true of money.
20868 	probably be twice as good as yesterday was.
20870 	There are no lazy veteran lion hunters.
20872 	If you can afford to advertise, you don't need to.
20874 	One-tenth of the participants produce over one-third of the output.
20876 	output.
20879 I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.
20880 There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't seem to work.
20883 I accept chaos.  I am not sure whether it accepts me.  I know some people
20884 are terrified of the bomb.  But then some people are terrified to be seen
20885 carrying a modern screen magazine.  Experience teaches us that silence
20886 terrifies people the most.
20889 I acted to show my love for Jodie Foster.
20892 I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet Congs.
20896 and I allow myself to live as I choose.
20900 viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority.
20901 		-- Richard M. Nixon
20904 		-- Richard M. Nixon
20907 good intellects.  Man cannot be too careful in his choice of enemies.
20910 I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human.
20913 I always pass on good advice.  It is the only thing to do with it.
20914 It is never any good to oneself.
20917 I always say beauty is only sin deep.
20921 accomplishments.  The front page has nothing but man's failures.
20924 I always wake up at the crack of ice.
20925 		-- Joe E. Lewis
20930 On a morning bright and clear.		What a haul I made that day!
20934 And a cow.				And a cow.
20938 The worst punishment I ever endured.	You just stand there lookin' cute,
20939 It turns out there was a reason:	And when something moves, you shoot."
20941 One of the hunters wasn't insured.	In my trophy room right now:
20943 					And a pure-bred gurnsey cow.
20946 I am a bookaholic.  If you are a decent
20947 person, you will not sell me another book.
20949 I am a computer.
20950 I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
20953 rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
20956 I am a deeply superficial person.
20960 than be one.
20963 I am a man: nothing human is alien to me.
20967 limbs drooling I'll trade my PhD for a telephone voice.
20970 I am an optimist.  It does not seem too much use being anything else.
20974 I am going down to Washington, D.C.
20980 I am heading for that great receiving line.
20986 for others in a totally nonviolent struggle for justice.  To be a man
20987 is to suffer for others.
20990 I am fairly unrepentant about her poetry.  I really think that three
20991 quarters of it is gibberish.  However, I must crush down these thoughts
20992 otherwise the dove of peace will shit on me.
20995 I am firm.  You are obstinate.  He is a pig-headed fool.
20998 I am getting into abstract painting.  Real abstract -- no brush, no canvas,
20999 I just think about it.  I just went to an art museum where all of the art
21000 was done by children.  All the paintings were hung on refrigerators.
21004 pre-Adamite ancestral descent.  You will understand this when I tell you
21006 globule.  Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable.  I
21007 can't help it.  I was born sneering.
21010 I am just a nice, clean-cut Mongolian boy.
21013 I am looking for a honest man.
21018 I am not a crook.
21021 I am not a politician and my other habits are also good.
21022 		-- A. Ward
21024 I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.
21027 I am not an Economist.  I am an honest man!
21030 I am not now and never have been a girl friend of Henry Kissinger.
21034 (in all seriousness) that I am extremely poorly educated.
21037 I am ready to meet my Maker.  Whether my Maker is prepared
21038 for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
21039 		-- W. Churchill
21042 has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
21045 I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
21047 I am the wandering glitch -- catch me if you can.
21049 I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so.
21052 I am two with nature.
21055 I am very fond of the company of ladies.  I like their beauty,
21056 I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
21061 loitering in taverns or asleep beside the highway.
21062 		-- Dr. Dwight Van de Vate, Professor of Philosophy,
21067 small number needed [1 per month] in his factory.  He explained that this
21068 would be contrary to the political concept of local self-sufficiency.
21070 them completely, even molding the keypads.
21071 		-- Isaac Auerbach, IEEE "Computer", Nov. 1979
21074 ambition, and having enough money to buy people with those qualities.
21080 		-- H.A.R.L.I.E.
21082 I base my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
21086 perfect woman.  I believed that if I looked long enough, and hard enough,
21087 I would find her and then I would be secure for life.  Well, the years
21089 a lot less than my idea of perfection.  But one day, after many years
21090 together, I lay there on our bed recovering from a slight illness.  My
21092 the late afternoon sun filtering through the trees.  The only sounds to
21094 to boil, and an occasional schoolchild passing beneath our window.  And
21096 twinkling eyes, I realized something about perfection...  It comes only
21097 with time.
21098 		-- James L. Collymore, "Perfect Woman"
21101 particularly if he has income and she is pattable.
21110 the people who might elect him.
21111 		-- John F. Kennedy
21113 I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
21114 		-- G.K. Chesterton
21116 I believe in sex and death -- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.
21120 and everything else in the world is fixed.
21125 total discrediting of the world of reality.
21128 I belong to no organized party.  I am a Democrat.
21131 I bet the human brain is a kludge.
21135 the same day.  Then that night, they burned the wheel.
21136 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21139 end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows."  Then they would get
21141 they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
21142 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21144 I bet you have fun chasing the soap around the bathtub.
21148 I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
21153 box office.  I was looking forward to a gentle, soothing, late afternoon
21154 relief from the Washington Summer.  Instead I was traumatized.  As a
21156 more effective.  For the first half-hour, you're lulled into an agreeable
21157 sense of security and comfort.  Birds twitter; small rabbits turn out to
21158 be great conversationalists.  Pop is what Senator Moynihan would describe
21160 thunderstorm.  You make great friends, fool around on the ice, discover
21161 the meadow, generally mellow out.  Then, without any particular warning,
21164 apparent intention of having sex.  Next thing you know, the forest burns
21165 down. If I were still eight, I think I'd prefer Rambo III.
21168 I call them as I see them.  If I can't see them, I make them up.
21171 I called my parents the other night, but I forgot about the time difference.
21172 They're still living in the fifties.
21175 I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
21177 I came out of twelve years of college and I didn't even know how to sew.
21178 All I could do was account -- I couldn't even account for myself.
21181 I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
21183 I can give you my word, but I know what it's worth and you don't.
21186 I can hire one half of the working class to kill the other half.
21190 and provide temporary relief to nymphomaniacs.
21193 I can relate to that.
21195 I can resist anything but temptation.
21200 He wants to get me.
21201 He wants to hurt me.
21202 He wants to bring me down.
21207 And then.... I'll run him over.
21209 To find my way... In the dark!
21213 and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
21214 		-- A.J. Liebling
21216 I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.
21219 I cannot believe that God plays dice with the cosmos.
21223 If it be man's work I will do it.
21225 I can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
21228 I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.
21231 I can't decide whether to commit suicide or go bowling.
21234 I can't die until the government finds a safe place to bury my liver.
21248 I can't mate in captivity.
21249 		-- Gloria Steinem, on why she has never married.
21251 I can't seem to bring myself to say, "Well, I guess I'll be toddling along."
21252 It isn't that I can't toddle.  It's that I can't guess I'll toddle.
21255 I can't stand squealers; hit that guy.
21258 I can't stand this proliferation of paperwork.  It's useless to fight the
21259 forms.  You've got to kill the people producing them.
21264 I can't understand it.
21265 I can't even understand the people who can understand it.
21269 novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
21272 I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas.
21273 I'm frightened of the old ones.
21276 I collect rare photographs...  I have two...  One of Houdini locking his
21277 keys in his car...  the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating
21278 up a child.
21281 I come from a small town whose population never changed.  Each time
21282 a woman got pregnant, someone left town.
21286 culturally accepted when it has been used to commit a murder.
21287 		-- M. Gallaher
21290 either charged with a crime, or arrested for one.
21294 except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
21297 I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
21299 I couldn't remember when I had been so disappointed.  Except perhaps the
21300 time I found out that M&Ms really DO melt in your hand.
21303 I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
21305 I didn't believe in reincarnation in any of my other lives.  I don't see why
21306 I should have to believe in it in this one.
21312 I didn't get sophisticated -- I just got tired.
21313 But maybe that's what sophisticated is -- being tired.
21316 I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
21318 I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions.
21319 The curtain was up.
21321 "I didn't order any WOO-WOO...  Maybe a YUBBA...  But no WOO-WOO!"
21327 I distrust a close-mouthed man.  He generally picks the wrong time to talk
21328 and says the wrong things.  Talking's something you can't do judiciously,
21329 unless you keep in practice.  Now, sir, we'll talk if you like.  I'll tell
21330 you right out, I'm a man who likes talking to a man who likes to talk.
21333 I distrust a man who says when.  If he's got to be careful not to drink
21334 too much, it's because he's not to be trusted when he does.
21337 I do desire we may be better strangers.
21340 I do enjoy a good long walk -- especially when my wife takes one.
21342 I do hate sums.  There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an
21343 exact science.  There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds
21346 perceive.  For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then again
21347 from the top down, the result is always different.
21348 		-- Mrs. La Touche
21352 nor by any Church that I know of.  My own mind is my own Church.
21355 I do not care if half the league strikes.  Those who do will encounter
21356 quick retribution.  All will be suspended, and I don't care if it wrecks
21357 the National League for five years.  This is the United States of America
21358 and one citizen has as much right to play as another.
21361 		   Jackie Robinson took the field against St. Louis.  The
21362 		   Cardinals backed down and played.
21364 I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them.
21368 sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
21371 I do not know myself and God forbid that I should.
21375 any adequate account of that nature with which I am acquainted.  Mythology
21376 comes nearest to it of any.
21380 butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
21386 devote it to research in mathematics.
21387 		-- Sir Edmund Whittaker, "Scientific American", Vol. 183
21389 I do not seek the ignorant; the ignorant seek me -- I will instruct them.
21390 I ask nothing but sincerity.  If they come out of habit, they become
21391 tiresome.
21394 I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.
21397 I don't believe in astrology.  But then I'm an
21398 Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.
21402 run their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better
21403 husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
21409 I don't care where I sit as long as I get fed.
21413 deserve that either.
21416 I don't do it for the money.
21419 I don't drink, I don't like it, it makes me feel too good.
21420 		-- K. Coates
21422 I don't even butter my bread.  I consider that cooking.
21425 I don't get no respect.
21427 I don't have an eating problem.  I eat.
21428 I get fat.  I buy new clothes.  No problem.
21430 I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
21434 hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.
21437 I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds.  I hold them above
21438 globes.  They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm *way* too high."
21441 I don't know anything about music.  In my line you don't have to.
21445 But booze can do what Kant cannot.
21449 more concerned to know what his grandson will be.
21452 I don't know why anyone would want a computer in their home.
21455 I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
21458 because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I'd just hate it.
21461 I don't like the Dutchman.  He's a crocodile.  He's sneaky.
21462 I don't trust him.
21464 		   with Dutch Schultz.
21466 I don't trust Legs.  He's nuts.  He gets excited and starts pulling a
21467 trigger like another guy wipes his nose.
21469 		   "Legs" Diamond.
21471 I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.
21474 I don't mind arguing with myself.
21475 It's when I lose that it bothers me.
21479 streets and frighten the horses.
21482 I don't need no arms around me...
21483 I don't need no drugs to calm me...
21484 I have seen the writing on the wall.
21485 Don't think I need anything at all.
21487 All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall.
21488 All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall.
21491 I don't remember it, but I have it written down.
21494 he starts to practice law.
21495 		-- John F. Kennedy, upon appointing his brother
21496 		   Attorney-General.
21499 fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
21500 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21503 Committee trying to bug the Democratic Committee's headquarters.
21507 to the sea and drown yourselves."
21509 "How curious," said the lemming. "The one thing I don't understand is why
21510 you human beings don't."
21513 I don't understand you anymore.
21516 But there will definitely be a party tonight...
21519 I just wanna ride on my motorcycle.
21521 I just want to ride on my motorcycle.
21524 I don't want people to love me.  It makes for obligations.
21527 I don't want to achieve immortality through my work.
21528 I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
21531 I don't want to bore you, but there's nobody else around for me to bore.
21533 I don't want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.
21538 I dote on his very absence.
21541 I dread success.  To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on
21543 succeeded in his courtship.  I like a state of continual becoming, with a
21544 goal in front and not behind.
21547 I drink to make other people interesting.
21550 I either want less decadence or more chance to participate in it.
21552 I enjoy the time that we spend together.
21554 I exist, therefore I am paid.
21556 I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
21558 I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
21562 so I woke up from sheer boredom.
21565 honest difference of opinion.
21568 I finally went to the eye doctor.  I got contacts.
21569 I only need them to read, so I got flip-ups.
21572 I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
21574 		   just shot.
21576 I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
21582 I gave my love an upgrade, with no cryin'.
21594 I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
21597 I get my exercise acting as pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
21600 I get up each morning, gather my wits.
21601 Pick up the paper, read the obits.
21602 If I'm not there I know I'm not dead.
21603 So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
21606 My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
21608 And think of the places my get-up has been.
21614 I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs.
21615 		-- H.L. Mencken
21617 "I got into an elevator at work and this man followed in after me... I
21618 pushed '1' and he just stood there... I said 'Hi, where you going?'  He
21619 said, 'Phoenix.'  So I pushed Phoenix.  A few seconds later the doors
21620 opened, two tumbleweeds blew in... we were in downtown Phoenix.  I looked
21622 with.'  We got into his car and drove out to his shack in the desert.
21623 Then the phone rang.  He said 'You get it.'  I picked it up and said
21624 'Hello?'... the other side said 'Is this Steven Wright?'... I said 'Yes...'
21625 The guy said 'Hi, I'm Mr. Jones, the student loan director from your bank...
21627 attended said that they received none of the $17,000 we loaned you... we
21628 would just like to know what happened to the money?'  I said, 'Mr. Jones,
21629 I'll give it to you straight.  I gave all of the money to my friend Slick,
21630 and with it he built a nuclear weapon... and I would appreciate it you never
21631 called me again."
21634 I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose.  Now
21636 farther, trying to see it clearly)...  and says, "Here, you can go."
21639 I got the bill for my surgery.  Now I know what those doctors were
21640 wearing masks for.
21643 I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add.
21647 theater.  So I bought the album.  I got kicked out of a theater the
21648 other day for bringing my own food in.  I argued that the concession
21649 stand prices were outrageous.  Besides, I hadn't had a barbecue in a
21650 long time.  I went to the theater and the sign said adults $5 children
21651 $2.50.  I told them I wanted 2 boys and a girl.  I once took a cab to
21652 a drive-in movie.  The movie cost me $95.
21655 I got vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.
21659 and lit the evil puppet villain on fire.
21661 No, I didn't. Just kidding.  I just said that to illustrate one of the
21662 human emotions which is freaking out.  Another emotion is greed, as when
21663 you kill someone for money or something like that.  Another emotion is
21665 puppet.
21666 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21668 I GUESS I'LL NEVER FORGET HER.  And maybe I don't want to.  Her spirit
21669 was wild, like a wild monkey.  Her beauty was like a beautiful horse
21670 being ridden by a wild monkey.  I forget her other qualities.
21671 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21675 win -- or even how you won.
21679 other people...  Certainty is just an emotion.
21682 I GUESS OF ALL MY UNCLES, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him
21684 one of us.  Later, we found out he was a bear.
21685 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21687 I guess the Little League is even littler than we thought.
21688 		-- D. Cavett
21690 I GUESS WE WERE ALL GUILTY, in a way.  We shot him, we skinned him, and
21691 we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."
21692 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
21694 I had a dream last night...
21695 I dreamt about 1976.
21696 I dreamt about a country with incurable brain damage...
21697 I even dreamt they gave it a heart transplant.
21698 Then I woke up and I knew it was only a nightmare...
21699 so I went back to sleep again.
21702 I had a feeling once about mathematics -- that I saw it all.  Depth beyond
21703 depth was revealed to me -- the Byss and the Abyss. I saw -- as one might
21705 through infinity and changing its sign from plus to minus.  I saw exactly
21707 dinner and I let it go.
21710 I had a virgin once.  I had to go to Guatemala for her.  She was blind
21712 Beach."
21716 people.  They were small and rodent-like with padlocked ears, as if they
21717 had stepped out of a painting by Goya.
21719 I had another dream the other day about music critics.  They were small
21721 painting by Goya.
21726 put a black person through in this country.  To realize you don't have any
21727 power to make things different is a bitch.
21730 I had no shoes and I pitied myself.  Then I met a man who had no feet,
21731 so I took his shoes.
21735 implement a PL/1 compiler.
21736 		-- T. Cheatham
21738 I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.
21740 I hate babies.  They're so human.
21741 		-- H.H. Munro
21743 I hate dying.
21747 it's going to be up all night.
21751 and I know how bad I am.
21754 I hate quotations.
21758 there's nothing else to do.
21761 I hate trolls.  Maybe I could metamorph it into something else -- like a
21762 ravenous, two-headed, fire-breathing dragon.
21765 I have a box of telephone rings under my bed.  Whenever I get lonely, I
21766 open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.  One day I dropped the
21767 box all over the floor.  The phone wouldn't stop ringing.  I had to get
21768 it disconnected.  So I got a new phone.  I didn't have much money, so I
21769 had to get an irregular.  It doesn't have a five.  I ran into a friend
21770 of mine on the street the other day.  He said why don't you give me a
21771 call.  I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone
21772 doesn't have a five.  He asked how long had it been that way.  I said I
21773 didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
21774 		-- S. Wright
21776 I have a dog; I named him Stay.  So when I'd go to call him, I'd say, "Here,
21777 Stay, here..." but he got wise to that.  Now when I call him he ignores me
21778 and just keeps on typing.
21781 I have a dream.  I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
21783 sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
21784 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
21786 I have a friend whose a billionaire.  He invented Cliff's notes.  When
21787 I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I...
21788 I just... to make a long story short..."
21791 I have a hard time being attracted to anyone who can beat me up.
21792 		-- John McGrath, Atlanta sportswriter, on women weightlifters.
21794 I have a hobby.  I have the world's largest collection of sea shells.
21795 I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world.  Maybe you've seen
21796 some of it.
21800 And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
21802 And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.
21807 And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all.
21808 		-- R.L. Stevenson
21810 I have a map of the United States.  It's actual size.
21811 I spent last summer folding it.
21812 People ask me where I live, and I say, "E6".
21815 I have a rock garden.  Last week three of them died.
21820 	Fill what's empty.
21821 	Empty what's full.
21822 	Scratch where it itches.
21823 		-- A.R. Longworth
21825 I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.  Every once
21826 in a while I turn it on and off.  On and off.  On and off.  One day I
21830 I have a terrible headache,  I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
21833 but I can't prove it.
21835 I have a very small mind and must live with it.
21836 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
21838 I have a very strange feeling about this...
21845 sacrifice my wife's brother.
21849 to Imperialism, he catches it in a very acute form.
21852 I have an existential map.  It has "You are here" written all over it.
21855 I have become me without my consent.
21858 would be called "A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark."
21862 which would be called `A Live Celebrity Gets Eaten by a Shark'.
21866 cent an idiot.
21870 to sit still in a room.
21873 I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats.
21874 I tell them the truth and they never believe me.
21879 support of the woman I love.
21882 		   divorcee Wallis Warfield Simpson.
21884 I have found little that is good about human beings.  In my experience
21885 most of them are trash.
21890 do only from fear of the law.
21894 wife's brother.
21897 I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it.
21900 I have had my television aerials removed.  It's the moral equivalent
21901 of a prostate operation.
21904 I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
21907 I have just had eighteen whiskeys in a row.
21908 I do believe that is a record.
21912 toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind.
21916 None of them is worth anything.
21921 And most of the bus fare home.
21924 mistake of claiming that I have never made one.
21928 because I lack the time to make it shorter.
21931 I have more hit points that you can possible imagine.
21937 my appetite on the altar of appearance.
21938 		-- A.M. Readyhough
21940 I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
21943 I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck.
21944 		-- Rob Pike, on X.
21947 gone in two years.  He was half right.
21950 Dennis Ritchie is twice as bright as Steve Jobs, and only half wrong.
21953 I have never understood this liking for war.  It panders to instincts
21955 establishment.
21959 in its gradual improvement, to leave off eating animals.
21963 As seas of ink I spatter.
21965 The other kind don't matter.
21966 		-- Robert W. Service
21969 own eyes.  What matters is not what I think of him; it is what he thinks
21970 of himself.  To undermine a man's self-respect is a sin.
21975 I have nothing but utter contempt for the courts of this land.
21980 be blockhead enough to have me.
21983 I have often looked at women and committed adultery in my heart.
21986 I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
21990 Calculating Engines.  I have also declined several offers of great personal
21991 advantage to myself.  But, notwithstanding the sacrifice of these advantages
21997 reach of men who devote themselves to purely scientific investigations...
22005 declare the construction of such machinery impracticable...
22010 calculations can no longer be deemed unworthy of the attention of the country.
22012 be economized by the aid of machinery.
22015 I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
22018 I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
22022 I'm hungry.
22024 I have the simplest tastes.  I am always satisfied with the best.
22027 I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink.
22031 the best people in business administration.  I can assure you on the highest
22032 authority that data processing is a fad and won't last out the year.
22034 		   publishers, responding to Karl V. Karlstrom (a junior
22036 		   science of data processing), c. 1957
22038 I have ways of making money that you know nothing of.
22039 		-- John D. Rockefeller
22042 you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
22045 I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
22047 I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
22050 and feel my heart break, just for a moment.
22052 I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
22056 more than he knows.
22057 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
22059 I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing...
22065 But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir.
22070 So until they come to get me I will hold your hand in mine.
22075 secretly being good.  That would be dishonest.
22077 I just asked myself... what would John DeLorean do?
22080 I just ate a whole package of Sweet Tarts and a can of Coke.
22081 I think I saw God.
22082 	-- B. Hathrume Duk
22084 I just got off the phone with Sonny Barger [President of the Hell's Angels].
22087 ever needed one.  Needless to say, I readily agreed.
22091 speed reading accident.  I hit a bookmark.
22092 		-- S. Wright
22094 I just know I'm a better manager when I have Joe DiMaggio in center field.
22097 I just need enough to tide me over until I need more.
22100 "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."
22102 "No, just spots."
22104 I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
22105 I haven't had time for tobacco since.
22108 I knew her before she was a virgin.
22111 I *knew* I had some reason for not logging you off...
22112 If I could just remember what it was.
22115 take one along that worked.
22119 just how surprised you wuz by the living dead.
22121 and never respond once to all the truth they heard.
22123 There ain't no rule that says they got to care.
22124 They can always swear they're deaf, dumb and blind.
22128 		-- St. Augustine
22131 World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
22134 I know on which side my bread is buttered.
22138 The answer is twelve?  I think I'm in the wrong building.
22142 you won't, they set their hearts upon you of their own inclination.
22145 I know what "custody" [of the children] means.  "Get even."  That's all
22146 custody means.  Get even with your old lady.
22151 myself.  But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the
22158 it means.
22161 but I'm not sure you understood what you thought I meant.
22163 I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
22168 Up from out of under there."
22177 Waitin' for the double E.
22178 The railroad don't run no more.
22179 Poor poor pitiful me.			[chorus]
22180 	Poor poor pitiful me, poor poor pitiful me.
22186 Well, I ain't naming names.
22188 She was just like Jesse James.
22190 She was a credit to her gender.
22192 Sort of like a Waring blender.		[chorus]
22195 She asked me if I'd beat her.
22197 I don't want to talk about it.		[chorus]
22204 I like being single.  I'm always there when I need me.
22208 that kidnapped Europa.
22212 promote peace than our governments.  Indeed, I think that people want
22214 the way and let them have it.
22215 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
22217 I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
22219 I like young girls.  Their stories are shorter.
22222 I like your game but we have to change the rules.
22224 I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
22226 I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts
22227 to bite people themselves.
22230 I look at life as being cruise director on the Titanic.
22231 I may not get there, but I'm going first class.
22234 I love being married.  It's so great to find that one special
22235 person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
22238 I love children.  Especially when they cry -- for then
22239 someone takes them away.
22242 I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas.  A Chihuahua isn't a dog.
22243 It's a rat with a thyroid problem.
22245 I love mankind ... It's people I hate.
22248 I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I've ever known.
22251 I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
22254 I love treason but hate a traitor.
22257 I love you more than anything in this world.  I don't expect that will last.
22261 but for what I am when I am with you.
22264 I loved her with a love thirsty and desperate. I felt that we two might
22266 irresistible.
22269 I married beneath me.  All women do.
22274 I may kid around about drugs, but really, I take them seriously.
22277 I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
22280 I met a wonderful new man.  He's fictional, but you can't have everything.
22283 I met my latest girl friend in a department store.  She was looking at
22284 clothes, and I was putting Slinkys on the escalators.
22288 congressman.
22292 I will not Reason and Compare; my business is to Create.
22295 I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.
22299 week sometimes to make it up.
22305 and planets.  Build a ring 93 million miles in radius -- one Earth orbit
22306 -- around the sun.  If we have the mass of Jupiter to work with, and if
22308 feet for the base.
22310 And it has advantages.  The Ringworld will be much sturdier than a Dyson
22311 sphere.  We can spin it on its axis for gravity.  A rotation speed of 770
22312 m/s will give us a gravity of one Earth normal.  We wouldn't even need to
22313 roof it over.  Place walls one thousand miles high at each edge, facing the
22314 sun.  Very little air will leak over the edges.
22316 Lord knows the thing is roomy enough.  With three million times the surface
22318 crowding.
22321 I need another lawyer like I need another hole in my head.
22324 I needed the good will of the legislature of four states.  I formed the
22325 legislative bodies with my own money.  I found that it was cheaper that
22326 way.
22329 I never cheated an honest man, only rascals.  They wanted
22330 something for nothing.  I gave them nothing for something.
22333 I never deny, I never contradict.  I sometimes forget.
22337 I never did it that way before.
22340 places they do today.
22344 could do was to go away.
22346 I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
22349 I never killed a man that didn't deserve it.
22352 I never loved another person the way I loved myself.
22355 I never made a mistake in my life.
22356 I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
22359 I never met a man I didn't want to fight.
22362 I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
22364 I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
22367 what I said was all saloonkeepers were Democrats.
22372 I'd rather see than be one.
22384 I'll kill you if you quote it.
22387 I never take work home with me; I always leave it in some bar along the way.
22389 I never vote for anyone.  I always vote against.
22390 		-- W.C. Fields
22392 I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation.
22393 		-- G.B. Shaw
22395 I only know what I read in the papers.
22400 words and an implicit sense of her departure.  It's so curious: one can
22401 resist tears and "behave" very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But
22402 then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window... or one notices
22403 that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed... or
22404 a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses.
22408 It's off to work I go...
22410 I owe the government $3400 in taxes.  So I sent them two hammers and a
22411 toilet seat.
22414 I owe the public nothing.
22415 		-- J.P. Morgan
22417 I own my own body, but I share.
22420 the greatest of dangers to be feared.  To preserve our independence, we must
22421 not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt.  If we run into such debts, we
22423 in our labor and in our amusements.  If we can prevent the government from
22425 will be happy.
22430 being in widespread use.  Back then, there were no restrictions, in terms
22433 as a therapy for a degenerative nerve disease.
22442 and justice for all.
22445 I poured spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
22446 		-- S. Wright
22448 I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest.
22451 I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.
22454 Even peace may be purchased at too high a price.
22457 I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
22458 		-- William F. Buckley
22460 I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes.  They had little pictures of cats
22461 on them.  Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
22464 I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
22467 I put instant coffee in a microwave, and almost went back in time.
22470 I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
22476 crude.  I'm a very technical boy.  So I decided to get as crude as possible.
22478 aspire to crudeness.
22481 I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.
22488 been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.'
22491 parents were taking their children to see it.  So what?  Why should the
22493 	Dad says to Mom, "Honey, Scarface is in town."
22495 	"Human scum who kill each other over cocaine deals."
22499 I read Playboy for the same reason I read National Geographic.
22500 To see the sights I'm never going to visit.
22502 I read the newspaper avidly.  It is my one form of continuous fiction.
22507 trucks.  But to be brutally frank, women as a group have a long way to
22509 that enables men to be such incredible jerks about it.
22512 I really had to act; 'cause I didn't have any lines.
22516 I wish that they would sell it.
22518 But only what I tell it.
22522 something of what has been passing in their time.
22523 		-- H. Truman
22526 wall that didn't do anything... so anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just
22527 flick that switch up and down... up and down... up and down...
22528 Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany... it just said
22529 "Cut it out."
22533 reader.  But if I find that I cannot terrify, I will try to horrify, and if
22534 I find that I cannot horrify, I'll go for the gross-out.
22537 I refuse to consign the whole male sex to the nursery.  I insist on
22538 believing that some men are my equals.
22541 I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
22544 morning.  A black porter was carrying my bags, and as we were waiting for
22545 the train to come in, he said to me: "Excuse me, Mr. Cooke, I don't want to
22546 invade your privacy, but I have a bet with a friend of mine.  Who composed
22547 the opening theme music of 'Omnibus'?  My friend said Virgil Thomson."  I
22548 asked him, "What do you say?" He replied, "I say Aaron Copeland." I said,
22549 "You're right."  The porter said,  "I knew Thomson doesn't write counterpoint
22550 that way."  I told that to a network president, and he was deeply unimpressed.
22553 I remember Ulysses well...  Left one day for the post office
22555 and didn't come back for 20 years.
22558 kind of loophole.
22561 I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights.  Now it
22562 looks like I'm the only one moving.
22565 I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
22568 I respect the institution of marriage.  I have always thought that every
22569 woman should marry -- and no man.
22573 England, but the weather.  I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be
22577 if they don't get it.
22580 "I said, "Preacher, give me strength for round 5."
22581 He said,"What you need is to grow up, son."
22583 And then to dying, and to me that don't sound like much fun."
22586 I sat down beside her, said hello, offered to buy her a drink...
22587 and then natural selection reared its ugly head.
22590 'Round and round they sped.
22593 "It is futile," I said.
22596 and ran on.
22599 I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
22602 I saw Lassie.  It took me four shows to figure out why the hairy kid
22603 never spoke. I mean, he could roll over and all that, but did that
22606 I saw what you did and I know who you are.
22608 I see a bad moon rising.
22609 I see trouble on the way.
22611 I see bad times today.
22613 It's bound to take your life.
22614 There's a bad moon on the rise.
22615 		-- J. C. Fogerty, "Bad Moon Rising"
22617 I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
22618 they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
22622 the south.  We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
22623 us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
22627 I told them, "This is what I wish."	I went and shouted in his ear.
22629 They sent an answer back to me.		He said "You needn't shout so loud."
22631 "We cannot do it, sir, because..."	He said "I'll go and wake them if..."
22633 It would be better to obey.		I went to wake them up myself.
22635 "The little fishes are in bed."		I pulled and pushed and kicked and
22638 "Then you must wake them up again."	I tried to turn the handle, But...
22640 	"Is that all?" asked Alice.
22641 	"That is all." said Humpty Dumpty. "Goodbye."
22646 Maybe it's all a game -- but this I just can't conceive.
22647 ...
22649 She does the things you do, but she is an IBM.
22653 But when I try to touch, she makes it all too clear.
22654 ...
22658 She tries to be unkind, she knows nothing of our world.
22663 in his veins.
22666 I shot an arrow in to the air, and it stuck.
22670 U.C.L.A.
22674 lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
22677 I shot an arrow into the air, and it stuck.
22680 I should have been a country-western singer.  After all, I'm older than
22681 most western countries.
22684 I smell a wumpus.
22687 Brothers -- they're going to make a game out of it.
22691 ability.
22694 I spilled spot remover on my dog.  Now he's gone.
22697 I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he's gone.
22700 I steal.
22703 Easy.  I own Chicago.  I own Miami.  I own Las Vegas.
22706 I stick my neck out for nobody.
22710 The eastern seaboard at my feet.
22712 I'm too scared and good-looking, I cried.
22714 Why prolong the agony, all men must die.
22717 I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to
22718 see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
22722 department store, and he asked for my autograph.
22725 I suggest a new strategy, Artoo: let the Wookiee win.
22732 Oh, Maggie I wish I'd never seen your face.
22737 I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving
22742         to interfere with oncoming traffic."
22745        "Learning to change lanes takes time and patience.  The best
22748         on the highway."
22752         asking for it."
22756 I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving
22762         a U-turn on a divided highway."
22767         traveling more than 60 MPH."
22771         to interfere with oncoming traffic."
22775 I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving
22780         that the vehicle in need of the most body work has the right-of-way."
22785         a 5' parking space."
22788        "Teenage drivers believe that they are immortal, and drive accordingly.
22789         Nevertheless, you should avoid the temptation to prove them wrong."
22791 I suppose that in a few hours I will sober up. That's such a sad
22792 thought. I think I'll have a few more drinks to prepare myself.
22794 "I suppose you expect me to talk."
22795 "No, Mr. Bond.  I expect you to die."
22799 is only there that they might escape the lusts of the flesh.
22802 I tell ya, drugs never worked out for me.  The first time I tried smoking
22803 pot I didn't know what I was doing.  I smoked half the joint, got the
22804 munchies, and ate the other half.
22806 Well, the first time I tried coke I was so embarrassed.  I kept getting the
22807 bottle stuck up my nose.
22810 I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me.  Last week I went to the track
22811 and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
22814 fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table.  I said,
22815 "Hey, buddy, I got your check", he said, "Thanks."
22818 I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right.   When I put on my shirt
22820 I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
22823 I tell ya, I was an ugly kid.  I was so ugly that my dad
22824 kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
22827 I think...  I think it's in my basement... Let me go upstairs and check.
22830 I think a relationship is like a shark.  It has to constantly move forward
22831 or it dies.  Well, what we have on our hands here is a dead shark.
22836 sick and tired.  I'm certainly not!  But I'm sick and tired of being told
22840 "I think he said 'Blessed are the cheesemakers.'"
22841 "Nonsense, he was obviously referring to all manufacturers of dairy products."
22844 I think I'll snatch a kiss and flee.
22847 I think I'm schizophrenic.  One half of me's
22848 paranoid and the other half's out to get him.
22850 I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct.
22851 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
22854 desperately anxious to do the wrong thing correctly.
22857 I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
22861 A poem lovelier than beer.
22863 With golden base and snowy cap.
22865 Until my mem'ry melts away.
22867 But only Schlitz can make a beer.
22870 A billboard lovely as a tree.
22872 I'll never see a tree at all.
22876 A thing as lovely as a tree.
22878 They went this morning with the dawn.
22880 Came and chopped the trees all down.
22882 And write a brand new poem called 'Trunks'.
22885 remain an ugly duckling, and lived happily ever after.
22888 I think the world is run by C students.
22891 I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect."
22894 effect."
22895 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
22897 I think, therefore I am... I think.
22899 I think there's a world market for about five computers.
22900 		-- attr. Thomas J. Watson (Chairman of the Board, IBM), 1943
22903 paneling.
22904 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
22906 I think we are in Rats Alley where the dead men lost their bones.
22907 		-- T.S. Eliot
22909 I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
22912 I think we're in trouble.
22916 except for the one about my mental instability.
22924 They had so much in common, you'd say.
22926 And prompts that were cute or risque'.
22930 If they hadn't met in L.A.
22931 "Your beard is an armpit," she said in disgust.
22938 And would not have had fun with the game.
22942 I thought there was something fishy about the butler.  Probably a Pisces,
22943 working for scale.
22948 I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."
22949 One of them said, "So will you."
22953 of the page, and I was able to go through "War and Peace" in twenty minutes.
22954 It's about Russia.
22959 the quest.
22964 and drown myself in the noise.
22967 I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.
22968 		-- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari
22970 I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity.
22973 I try to keep an open mind, but not so open that my brains fall out.
22974 		-- Judge Harold T. Stone
22976 I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out.
22977 The weatherman said "I don't understand it.  I was supposed to be 80
22978 degrees today," and I said "Oops."
22980 In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so
22981 I never have to go upstairs.
22983 I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in
22984 front of it in only eight minutes.
22987 I understand why you're confused.  You're thinking too much.
22988 		-- Carole Wallach.
22990 I use not only all the brains I have, but all those I can borrow as well.
22993 I use technology in order to hate it more properly.
22996 I used to be a rebel in my youth.
22997 This cause... that cause... (chuckle) I backed 'em ALL!  But I learned.
22999 problems.  So I lost interest in politics.  Now when I feel aroused by
23000 a civil rights case or a passport hearing... I realize it's just a device.
23001 I go to my analyst and we work it out.  You have no idea how much better
23002 I feel these days.
23003 		-- J. Feiffer
23005 I used to be disgusted, now I find I'm just amused.
23008 I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
23016 	No more, Mr. Nice Guy,
23017 	No more, Mr. Clean,
23018 	No more, Mr. Nice Guy,
23019 They say "He's sick, he's obscene".
23027 He said "You're sick, you're obscene".
23028 		-- Alice Cooper, "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
23030 I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
23032 I used to have a drinking problem.
23033 Now I love the stuff.
23035 I used to live in a house by the freeway.  When I went anywhere, I had
23036 to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.
23038 I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights.  Now it looks
23039 like I'm the only one moving.
23041 I was pulled over for speeding today.  The officer said, "Don't you know
23043 to be out that long."
23045 I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the ond one out.  Now
23046 my car goes 500 miles an hour.
23051 more mature than I am.
23053 I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
23056 foolishness.  I no longer thought that.  There's nothing foolish in
23057 loving anyone.  Thinking you'll be loved in return is what's foolish.
23061 my body.  Then I realized who was telling me this.
23064 I used to work in a fire hydrant factory.  You couldn't park anywhere
23065 near the place.
23068 I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals.  I
23072 in the summer.
23075 I value kindness to human beings first of all, and kindness to animals.  I
23079 in the summer.
23082 I waited and waited and when no message came I knew it must be from you.
23084 I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
23085 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
23087 I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch "St.
23088 Elsewhere", won't scream, "Forget it, Blanche... It's time for Hee-Haw!"
23093 I want to marry a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad.
23099 endangered species.  It's all very well to celebrate the practicality of
23101 bricks and mortar.  But to wantonly destroy a wolf, even one with an
23104 the earth.
23107 I was at this restaurant.  The sign said "Breakfast Anytime."  So I
23108 ordered French Toast in the Renaissance.
23114 Then a rattlesnake bit me and he walked off and died.
23118 With a lady in St. Louie,
23119 When there sudden comes a knockin' at the door.
23122 Or your daddy shoots a baddie to the floor."
23123 		-- Mr. Miggle
23125 I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did.
23126 I said I didn't know.
23130 around here often?"  She said, "You're wearing two different-color socks."
23131 I said, "Yes, but to me they're the same because I go by thickness."
23135 that all the time..."
23138 I was in a beauty contest one.  I not only came in last, I was hit in
23139 the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
23143 permitted me to function effectively.
23150 avoiding the beach.
23153 I was in Vegas last week. I was at the roulette table, having a
23154 lengthy argument about what I considered an Odd number.
23157 I was offered a job as a hoodlum and I turned it down cold.  A thief is
23159 breaking into a place and stealing stuff, or kidnapping somebody.  He really
23160 gives some effort to it.  A hoodlum is a pretty lousy sort of scum.  He
23161 works for gangsters and bumps guys off when they have been put on the spot.
23163 for them as a hood -- you know, handling a machine gun.  They offered me
23164 two hundred and fifty dollars a week and all the protection I needed.  I
23165 was on the lam at the time and not able to work at my regular line.  But
23166 I wouldn't consider it.  "I'm a thief," I said.  "I'm no lousy hoodlum."
23169 I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards.  I got a
23170 full house and four people died.
23173 I was the best I ever had.
23176 I was toilet-trained at gunpoint.
23179 I was working on a case.  It had to be a case, because I couldn't afford a
23180 desk.  Then I saw her.  This tall blond lady.  She must have been tall
23181 because I was on the third floor.  She rolled her deep blue eyes towards
23182 me.  I picked them up and rolled them back.  We kissed.  She screamed.  I
23183 took the cigarette from my mouth and kissed her again.
23185 I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
23189 in the room alone.
23192 The way I always do.
23194 She was with the Russians too.
23197 I took a little risk.
23199 Dad, get me out of this.
23202 I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it.
23203 If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it.
23204 It's the truth.
23207 I went on to test the program in every way I could devise.  I strained it to
23208 expose its weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for
23209 stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold.  I ran it assuming
23212 answer in this particular case.  Finally I got a run in which the computer
23213 showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero.  I had found
23214 an error.  I chased down the error and fixed it.  Now I had improved the
23215 program to the point where it would not run at all.
23219 I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle.
23221 He said "Nothin'."
23223 As if you just squashed a cop.
23226 I went to a Grateful Dead Concert and they played for SEVEN hours.
23227 Great song.
23230 I went to a place to eat. It said `BREAKFAST ANYTIME.'  So I ordered
23231 French toast during the Renaissance.
23234 I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time."
23235 So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
23239 years ago.  When somebody there predicted the market for microprocessors
23243 Years later, I went back to the same hotel.  I noticed the room keys had
23244 been replaced by electronic cards you slide into slots in the doors.
23246 There was a computer in every doorknob.
23249 I went to my mother and told her I intended to commence a different life.
23251 of a robber.
23254 I will always love the false image I had of you.
23257 but not into it if I can help it.
23261 year.  I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.  The
23262 Spirits of all Three shall strive within me.  I will not shut out
23263 the lessons that they teach.  Oh, tell me that I may sponge away the
23267 I will make you shorter by the head.
23270 I will never lie to you.
23272 I will not be briefed or debriefed, my underwear is my own.
23275 But if I do...
23277 But if I do...
23279 But if I do...
23281 But if I do...
23282 I will fall face down so that they cannot see my company badge.
23284 I will not forget you.
23286 I will not play at tug o' war.
23295 And everyone wins.
23299 one every day.
23302 I wish a robot would get elected president.  That way, when he came to town,
23303 we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
23307 and Superman away.
23308 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
23311 intelligence.  They've got one called brightness, but it doesn't
23312 seem to work.
23315 I wish you humans would leave me alone.
23317 I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
23327 had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.  I told my roommate,
23329 replaced with an exact replica."  He said, "Do I know you?"
23332 "I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed.  Oh, I
23335 I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
23336 		-- Bastian B. Bux
23341 I worked in a health food store once.  A guy came in and asked me,
23348 after we've been home a long while.
23352 only they won't let me raise my voice.
23355 I would have made a good pope.
23359 gotten the hostages released.  I thank God they were satisfied with the
23360 missiles and we didn't have to go to that extreme.
23364 of wax...  and that we remember and know what is imprinted as long as the
23366 forget or do not know.
23369 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
23370 	 referring to image activation and termination.]
23374 our tasks will be solved.
23375 		-- Warren G. Harding
23378 with income tax policies.
23379 		-- William F. Buckley
23383 And what I was fencing out.
23387 to mess up your heart, mess up your liver, your kidneys, rot out your mind.
23388 In general this drug will make you just like your mother and father.
23392 I have no statue, than why I have one.
23395 I would not like to be a political leader in Russia.  They never know when
23396 they're being taped.
23399 I love America.  You always hurt the one you love.
23403 and be above ground than reign among the dead.
23407 sports cars is what sets man apart from the animals.
23411 I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.
23414 for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
23415 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
23417 I wrecked trains because I like to see people die.  I like to hear
23418 them scream.
23437 	[International Business Machines Corp.]  Also known as Itty Bitty
23438 	Machines or The Lawyer's Friend.  The dominant force in computer
23440 	and 10% of all software.  To protect itself from the litigious envy
23442 	employs 68% of all known ex-Attorneys' General.
23457 who'll be first against the wall when the revolution comes...
23458 		-- with regrets to D. Adams
23463 It was a total loss.
23465 IBM: It may be slow, but it's hard to use.
23468 	Machines should work.  People should think.
23471 	Cogito ergo vendo; vendo ergo sum.
23473 I'd be a poorer man if I'd never seen an eagle fly.
23476 [I saw an eagle fly once.  Fortunately, I had my eagle fly swatter handy.  Ed.]
23478 I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
23480 I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
23483 I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee.
23487 above the ground.  That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even
23488 feel it.
23489 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
23491 I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's working on now.
23494 whole field to private industry.
23497 I'd love to kiss you, but I just washed my hair.
23501 	A blue whale in my soup...
23503 	Inside a chicken coop.
23505 	Like ham in beef chow mein...
23507 	They've put acid in my rain.
23510 I'd never join any club that would have the likes of me as a member.
23513 I'd probably settle for a vampire if he were romantic enough.
23514 Couldn't be any worse than some of the relationships I've had.
23517 I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heavan.
23519 I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
23522 [Also attributed to S. Clay Wilson.  Ed.]
23524 I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
23525 		-- W.C. Fields
23527 I'd rather just believe that it's done by little elves running around.
23534 I'd rather push my Harley than ride a rice burner.
23536 Identify your visitor.
23540 	the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
23545 	stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
23550 	in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
23553 	Leisure gone to seed.
23555 Idleness is the holiday of fools.
23557 If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.
23561 is a camel's behind.
23562 		-- Edgar R. Fiedler
23566 If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing their hair.  If this doesn't
23567 work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.
23569 If A fool persists in his folly he shall become wise.
23573 there will be N-1 passes.  Someone in the group has to be the manager.
23574 		-- T. Cheatham
23581 is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes guilty.
23582 		-- Joseph C. Goulden
23585 is, "God is crying."  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing
23586 to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
23587 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
23590 explaining your program, wake him up.
23592 If a man has a strong faith he can indulge in the luxury of skepticism.
23595 If a man has talent and cannot use it, he has failed.
23598 If a man is not a liberal at 25, he has no heart.
23599 If he's not a conservative by 45, he has no brain.
23602 he will lose his reverence for all of life.
23607 it might well prolong his life.
23611 ... it expects what never was and never will be.
23616 will lose that, too.
23617 		-- W. Somerset Maugham
23621 convince him that it may not have been the treatment that restored his health.
23624 If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped.
23626 in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop.  The law of
23627 gravity supercedes the law of golf.
23628 		-- Donald A. Metz
23635 is simply that "God is crying."  And, if he asks you why God is crying, the
23636 only possible answer is "Probably because of something you did."
23639 look at him as if he had lost his senses.
23640 When he looks down, paraphrase the question back at him.
23643 its users will be content.
23646 labor-saving shell scripts.
23648 they aren't interested in other machines.
23650 but these don't access any hosts.
23652 but nobody ever uses them.
23656 delight in the doings at the site.
23660 without ever having gone to see it.
23662 If a team is in a positive frame of mind, it will have a good attitude.
23664 game right.  If it plays the game right, it will win -- unless, of
23669 If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly.
23670 		-- G.K. Chesterton
23672 If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for.
23673 		-- W.C. Fields
23679 that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine.
23686 Or any other reason why.
23688 If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
23691 If all else fails, lower your standards.
23696 wouldn't be a bit surprised.
23705 Of this Government.
23707 If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
23711 we wouldn't reach a conclusion.
23716 not just because you fear she might be crazy.  If she tells her tale on
23717 camera, you might listen.  Watching strangers on television, even
23719 collaborating with exhibitionists in rituals of sham community.  Never
23720 have so many known so much about people for whom they cared so little.
23722 		   in "I'm Dysfunctional, You're Dysfunctional".
23724 If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
23733 But to go commit siouxeyesighed.
23737 car he ever lays down in front of.
23741 let him become president of Harvard.
23744 If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible.
23745 We're offering a substantial reward.  He's a sable collie, with three legs,
23747 tail.  He's been recently fixed.  Answers to "Lucky".
23749 If anything can go wrong, it will.
23751 If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
23753 If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
23755 If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
23757 If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
23759 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
23760 		-- W.E. Hickson
23762 If at first you don't succeed, try try again.  Then quit.
23763 No use being a damn fool about it.
23765 If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
23766 Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
23767 		-- W.C. Fields
23769 [Also attributed to Roy Mengot.  Ed.]
23771 If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
23773 If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
23776 If at first you fricasee, fry, fry again.
23782 plentiful as blackberries.
23789 some means abridged, it will soon fall into disuse.
23793 then the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
23796 but illegal purposes.
23797 		-- J. Edgar Hoover
23799 If Carter is the answer, it must have been a VERY silly question.
23801 If Christianity was morality, Socrates would be the Saviour.
23805 Watt's office.
23808 If coke is a joke, I'm waiting around for the next line.
23811 serve us right.
23817 deserve to have any.
23820 		conviction for sodomy.
23823 there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses
23824 is a fraud.
23828 do it through the body of someone you love.  Anytime.  Anywhere.  Without
23829 no middleman.
23833 him, prussic acid could solve our population problems in one generation.
23834 		-- G.C. Edmonson's Albert, "The Man Who Corrupted Earth"
23837 be coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
23840 you have obviously overlooked something.
23842 If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
23845 If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.
23848 is an exception to every rule.  If we accept "For every rule there is an
23852 can be an exception to the rule that for every rule there is an exception.
23855 If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.
23858 If God had a beard, he'd be a UNIX programmer.
23860 If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
23862 If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
23865 would have only had ten disciples.
23867 If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
23869 If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
23871 If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
23874 we would have been born with green, baggy skin.
23876 If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
23879 it would have been necessary to invent it.
23882 he'd make it easier to get to the airport.
23886 have made them cute and furry.
23890 only ten apostles.
23893 He would have given you bigger hands.
23896 He wouldn't have given you such a vivid imagination.
23905 If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows.
23912 He would have sent us a candidate.
23920 If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.
23928 think which principles of computation shall be most appropriate.
23932 it'll be because he no longer thinks he's God.
23934 If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell.
23945 	the ending is just too hard to take.
23956 And I just can't get it back...
23960 I would spill it all over the stage.
23964 ...
23973 I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
23975 I may get back my looks again.
23979 Because I do not give a damn.
23982 If I had a formula for bypassing trouble, I would not pass it around.
23983 Trouble creates a capacity to handle it.  I don't say embrace trouble; that's
23984 as bad as treating it as an enemy.  But I do say meet it as a friend, for
23985 you'll see a lot of it and you had better be on speaking terms with it.
23986 		-- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
23988 If *I* had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers.
23990 IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it.  There's
23991 got to be a better way.
23992 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
23995 I'd sell the plantation and go home.
23996 		-- Eugene P. Gallagher
23998 If I had any humility I would be perfect.
24002 a laboratory jar at Harvard.
24005 AS USUAL, YOUR INFORMATION STINKS.
24008 If I had my life to live over, I'd try to make more mistakes next time.  I
24010 trip.  I know of very few things I would take seriously.  I would be crazier.
24011 I would climb more mountains, swim more rivers and watch more sunsets.  I'd
24012 travel and see.  I would have more actual troubles and fewer imaginary ones.
24014 and sanely, hour after hour, day after day.  Oh, I have had my moments and,
24015 if I had it to do over again, I'd have more of them.  In fact, I'd try to
24016 have nothing else.  Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many
24017 years ahead each day.  I have been one of those people who never go anywhere
24018 without a thermometer, a hotwater bottle, a gargle, a raincoat and a parachute.
24020 lighter than I have.  If I had my life to live over, I would start bare-footed
24021 earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall.  I would play hooky
24022 more.  I probably wouldn't make such good grades, but I'd learn more.  I would
24023 ride on more merry-go-rounds.  I'd pick more daisies.
24025 If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
24028 If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
24031 If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
24034 shoulders of giants.
24038 the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
24042 my shoulders.
24045 Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders.
24049 stand on each other's toes.
24052 It has been said that physicists stand on one another's shoulders.  If
24054 software engineers dig each other's graves.
24057 If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.
24061 I would send a barrel or so to my other generals.
24074 I'm an engineer working on something.
24075 		-- S.R. McElroy
24082 The pot's at the other end.
24085 If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
24088 work for with a great deal of enjoyment.
24092 because I can't swim.
24096 I'd never have given up being a rock 'n' roll star.
24097 		-- G. Hirst
24103 answer can be obtained by simple inspection.
24105 If in doubt, mumble.
24107 If it ain't baroque, don't fix it.
24109 If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
24111 If it doesn't smell yet, it's pretty fresh.
24114 If it happens once, it's a bug.
24115 If it happens twice, it's a feature.
24116 If it happens more than twice, it's a design philosophy.
24118 If it has syntax, it isn't user-friendly.
24120 If it heals good, say it.
24123 answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary.
24126 If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
24129 it's physics.
24131 If it takes a bloodbath, lets get it over with.  No more appeasement.
24134 If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
24136 If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
24138 If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
24140 If it were not for the presents, an elopment would be preferable.
24145 the toilet, hoping not to clog the pipes.  A more sententious, holding-
24147 of a student-poet to hang on to his every word I never saw.
24150 If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
24152 If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
24153 If it stinks, it's chemistry.
24154 If it doesn't work, it's physics.
24156 If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
24158 If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
24160 If it's worth doing, do it for money.
24162 If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for money.
24164 If it's worth hacking on well, it's worth hacking on for money.
24166 If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him.
24168 fun of it.
24172 send it.  But if *two* pieces of mail get lost, hell, they'll just think the
24173 other guy hasn't gotten around to answering his mail.  And if *fifty* pieces
24177 them from their God given right to receive Net Mail ...
24181 had made a lot of Capital, it would have been much better.
24184 If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
24186 If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
24194 you've got in the house.
24203 If Machiavelli were a hacker, he'd have worked for the CSSG.
24206 If Machiavelli were a programmer, he'd have worked for AT&T.
24208 If man is only a little lower than the angels, the angels should reform.
24212 answer, try multiplying by the page number.
24215 be fewer divorces -- and more bankruptcies.
24219 it is of no avail to threaten them with death.
24225 There is always an official executioner.
24227 It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood.
24229 	you will only hurt your hand.
24233 be a merrier world.
24234 		-- J.R.R. Tolkien
24238 and from that to incivility and procrastination.
24243 Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
24247 over again, there is no use in reading it at all.
24253 far to seek. ...  The cause lay largely in the diversity and vitality of the
24257 get an unfair advantage.
24260 If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
24268 Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
24272 accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
24274 If only you could be respected without having to be respectable.
24276 If only you had a personality instead of an attitude.
24279 face the uncertainty of whether you love her.
24281 If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
24283 If parents would only realize how they bore their children.
24284 		-- G.B. Shaw
24287 then we are a sorry lot indeed.
24291 there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.
24294 If people drank ink instead of Schlitz, they'd be better off.
24295 		-- Edward E. Hippensteel
24297 [What brand of ink?  Ed.]
24300 will take sandwiches.
24303 Eats first, morals after.
24307 I can only reply: You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.
24315 If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
24320 If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
24324 If reporters don't know that truth is plural, they ought to be lawyers.
24327 If researchers wrote nursery rhymes...
24330 Eating components of soured milk.
24335 Which motivated the patient to leave the area rather quickly.
24347 world.  One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by
24348 the use of the mathematics of probability.
24357 Their romance might have flourished.
24361 Uncatalyzed, inert, and undernourished.
24363 If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.
24367 you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
24370 one day, I would have studied harder.
24373 If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
24376 ultimately have been beneficial for it to go wrong.
24382 and never be our destiny.
24387 and explode once a year killing everyone inside.
24391 this would be a better world.
24394 If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong.
24398 the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude.  See in
24401 learn what you have no taste or capacity for.  The college, which should
24403 young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits.
24404 I would have the studies elective.  Scholarship is to be created not
24405 by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge.  The wise
24407 attractions the study has for himself.  The marking is a system for schools,
24409 put on a professor.
24414 principles -- but you'd be able to shift gears with your car stereo.  Useful
24415 feature, that.
24416 		-- From the programming notebooks of a heretic, 1990.
24422 would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
24425 [Not to mention, butterfly would be flutterby. Ed.]
24427 If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
24433 If the girl you love moves in with another guy once, it's more than enough.
24434 Twice, it's much too much.  Three times, it's the story of your life.
24440 consider what may be fertilizing it.
24443 we would be so simple we couldn't.
24446 I would have recommended something simpler.
24448 		   Commenting on the Almagest, by Ptolemy.
24451 the lives of both have been wasted.
24454 then this sentence would not be false.
24457 goose-stepping.  Americans are just as suggestible.
24461 occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
24463 If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads.
24469 If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
24471 If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will.
24473 If the vendors started doing everything right, we would be out of a job.
24476 paper folding, or something.
24477 		-- C. Philip Wood
24479 If the very old will remember, the very young will listen.
24482 If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down.
24483 If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down.
24485 church attendance will exceed all expectations.
24488 If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
24491 the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
24494 can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
24498 of this life.
24501 If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.
24502 		-- Edward A. Murphy Jr.
24505 can't afford divorce.
24511 If there is no wind, row.
24515 have let me in on it by now.  I contribute enough to the shule.
24518 If there was in justice in the world, "trust" would be a four-letter word.
24522 school, it would be closed down in a minute, and no doubt by lawyers.
24528 go crude.  I'm a very technical boy.  So I get as crude as possible.  These
24530 to crudeness...
24534 him because they don't like his necktie.
24537 If things don't improve soon, you'd better ask them to stop helping you.
24539 If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
24541 If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
24542 It's not time yet.
24550 doing the thinking.
24551 		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
24554 helmet off.
24555 		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
24558 itself to going to bed each night by the light of a Communist moon.
24559 		-- Lyndon B. Johnson
24561 If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
24564 If two wrongs don't make a right, try three wrongs.
24566 If voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
24567 If not voting could change the system, it would be illegal.
24569 If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.
24571 If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world.
24572 		-- R. Schaeberle, "Management Accounting"
24575 all be millionaires.
24579 likely to end up where we are headed.
24581 If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.
24585 of it.
24589 findings, I'm afraid all of our work would be inconclusive."
24592 		   crimes.
24595 It's the light of an oncoming train.
24599 would perceive a somewhat different world.
24603 we encourage it, and involve others in our doom.
24607 with alarm clocks.
24609 If we won't stand together, we don't stand a chance.
24612 do something else.
24617 qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted.
24620 If wishes were horses, then beggars would be thieves.
24628 If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
24631 If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.
24634 If you analyse anything, you destroy it.
24639 		   crazy.
24641 If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
24644 If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry.
24647 If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
24649 If you are good, you will be assigned all the work.  If you are real
24650 good, you will get out of it.
24653 your honesty is corrupt.
24656 longer interested in sex, take out an ad in The Wall Street Journal.
24665 words.
24670 speak louder than words.
24674 by your parents, we will cash your check.
24677 over 80 you are neglecting your golf.
24681 smart enough to be an Engineer, then you're in Business.
24683 If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
24687 If you aren't rich you should always look useful.
24690 If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
24691 		-- J. Paul Getty
24694 theirs, then you clearly don't understand the situation.
24696 If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
24698 If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
24700 If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
24701 		-- Harry S. Truman
24704 what you have been doing, your doing was worthless.
24707 If you can't be good, be careful.
24708 If you can't be careful, give me a call.
24710 If you can't convince them, confuse them.
24711 		-- Harry S. Truman
24713 If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
24715 If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
24717 If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
24719 If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.
24722 If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
24724 If you catch a man, throw him back.
24725 		-- Woman's Liberation Slogan, c. 1975
24727 If you continually give you will continually have.
24730 accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
24735 you wouldn't have most of your problems.
24738 you'd have more time to be depressed.
24740 If you do not think about the future, you cannot have one.
24744 it; for the more men talk, the more likely they are to do nothing else.
24747 If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
24749 If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
24752 in the Bible.
24756 would have happened if you had done it.
24760 If you don't drink it, someone else will.
24762 If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
24771 If you don't know what game you're playing, don't ask what the score is.
24775 If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it.
24778 If you don't strike oil in twenty minutes, stop boring.
24781 If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
24784 an embedded system.  The salient characteristic of an embedded system is that
24786 will suffice to remove it.  An embedded system can't permanently trust anything
24787 it hears from the outside world.  It must sniff around, adapt, consider, sniff
24788 around, and adapt again.  I'm not talking about ordinary modular programming
24789 carefulness here.  No.  Programming an embedded system calls for undiluted
24790 raging maniacal paranoia.  For example, our ethernet front ends need to know
24792 properly.  How do you find out what your network number is?  Easy, you ask a
24793 gateway.  Gateways are required by definition to know their correct network
24794 numbers.  Once you've got your network number, you start using it and before
24796 over creation.  Now what happens when the panic-stricken operator realizes he
24798 network number?  Never supposed to happen.  Tough.  Supposing that your
24801 in the protocol document.  Never supposed to happen.  Tough.  I think you
24802 get my drift.
24805 one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
24807 If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
24810 the solution may become your next problem.
24812 If you flaunt it, expect to have it trashed.
24819 enough, it will eventually break.
24821 If you give a man enough rope, he'll claim he's tied up at the office.
24824 both sides of an issue, it will always do it.
24828 all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.
24832 so as not to disturb those around you.
24836 swimming.
24840 effectively demonstrate your total incompetence.
24845 Like another chance.
24849 and your demands are reasonable, at least it's a start.
24851 If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
24853 If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent.
24856 If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
24860 does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions.  You must
24861 make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats.
24864 will be courteous as well as responsive.  Since you are out of sympathy with
24866 dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital.  But bear in mind that your opinion
24867 of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker.  Try to keep things
24868 straight.
24871 If you have seen one city slum you have seen them all.
24874 If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
24876 If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
24879 If you have to hate, hate gently.
24881 If you have to think twice about it, you're wrong.
24884 in chartered accountancy beckons.
24886 		   Systems course.
24889 hype.  If you hype it and it fails, then it was just a hype.
24893 yourself in the posterior.
24894 		-- A.J. Liebling, "The Press"
24897 boot yourself in the posterior.
24898 		-- A.J. Liebling
24900 If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it.
24903 rubbish into it.
24908 If you know the answer to a question, don't ask.
24911 If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
24914 If you laid all the Elvis impersonators in the world, end to end...
24915 you'd wanna run and get a steam roller, real fast.
24919 365 useless things.
24921 If you liked the Earth you'll love Heaven.
24923 If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
24926 If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
24930 because very few people die past the age of a hundred.
24937 If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life.
24940 If you look like your driver's license photo -- see a doctor.
24941 If you look like your passport photo -- it's too late for a doctor.
24944 but there's only one Maltese Falcon.
24948 or famous or both.
24950 If you love someone, set them free.
24951 If they don't come back, then call them up when you're drunk.
24953 If you love something set it free.  If it doesn't
24954 come back to you, hunt it down and kill it.
24957 immediately to the best of your ability.
24960 with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
24964 but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
24967 be married to a man who cheats on his wife.
24971 in the whole wide world, don't trust him.  It means he experiments.
24973 If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
24976 If you MUST get married, it is always advisable to marry beauty.
24977 Otherwise, you'll never find anybody to take her off your hands.
24979 If you need anything just whistle.
24981 Just put your lips together and blow.
24985 they must not be deceiving you very well.
24988 bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
24992 you won't get any ice.  If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get
24993 ice, but no cup.
24995 If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
24997 If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but tomfoolery.
24999 is somehow enobled and no-one dare criticise it.
25003 restaurant.
25006 If you really want to do something new, the good won't help you with it.
25007 Let me have men about me that are arrant knaves.  The wicked, who have
25009 they know how it's done, and for booty.  You can offer them things because
25010 they will take them.  Because they have no hesitations.  You can hang them
25011 if they get out of step.  Let me have men about me that are utter villains
25012 -- provided that I have the power, the absolute power, over life and death.
25015 If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
25017 If you remember the 60's, you weren't there.
25021 are precisely those that challenge our convictions.
25025 If you sell diamonds, you cannot expect to have many customers.
25026 But a diamond is a diamond even if there are no customers.
25029 If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
25032 many it's research.
25036 they taste more like prunes than rhubarb does.
25040 It is slick to stick a lock upon your stock.
25043 If you fail to lock your liquor with a lock.
25046 one thing is for sure, you're gonna get your rear kicked.
25048 If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
25051 schizophrenia.
25056 harm.
25058 If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
25061 If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
25063 If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
25070 try missing a couple of car payments.
25075 your Bic.
25077 If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
25081 ask someone who's waiting for a prompt.
25088 lack sufficient imagination.
25092 say they had a nice time.  Now you'll be expected to throw another party
25093 next year.
25096 they've been indicted for anything.  You want your guests to be so anxious
25099 another one ...
25102 through your living room window.  As host, your job is to make sure that
25103 they don't arrest anybody.  Or if they're dead set on arresting someone,
25104 your job is to make sure it isn't you ...
25109 		-- Mr. Interesting
25112 end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable.
25115 and laid them end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
25118 If you treat people right they will treat you right -- 90% of the time.
25119 		-- F.D. Roosevelt
25121 If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
25123 If you wait long enough, it will go away... after having
25124 done its damage.  If it was bad, it will be back.
25127 just dangle some carats in front of my nose.
25130 If you want to be ruined, marry a rich woman.
25134 read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves.
25137 If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
25139 If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
25142 If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
25145 books.
25148 If you want to see card tricks, you have to expect to take cards.
25152 Constitution.  It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft.
25155 the word "National".
25159 you say, talk in your sleep.
25163 it, even if they don't know what it means.
25166 If you waste your time cooking, you'll miss the next meal.
25170 heartbeats.
25172 If you wish to be happy for one hour, get drunk.
25173 If you wish to be happy for three days, get married.
25174 If you wish to be happy for a month, kill your pig and eat it.
25175 If you wish to be happy forever, learn to fish.
25178 If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
25181 boots summer and winter, and women fell in love with him.
25184 If you work for a man, in heaven's name, work for him.
25186 	well of him; stand by him, and by the institution he represents.
25187 If put to a pinch, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of cleverness.
25189 	position, and when you are outside, damn to your heart's content...
25190 	but, as long as you are part of the institution do not condemn it.
25194 	why.
25196 If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
25198 If you would know the value of money, go try to borrow some.
25202 of fiction produced in it.  People in disguise speak freely.
25205 Bed down with a pretty girl.
25206 Amor vincit omnia.
25208 If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss.
25210 If your bread is stale, make toast.
25212 If your enemy is buried in quicksand up to his neck, pull him out.
25213 If he is buried up to his eyes, step on his head.
25217 I guess you do have a problem.
25220 If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
25223 she'd probably hang her head and cry.
25225 If your parents don't have kids, neither will you.
25228 longer be fantasies.
25232 piggy-back ride on a buzz-saw.
25233 		-- W.C. Fields
25236 embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
25240 bad or good will ever happen to you.
25242 If you're carrying a torch, put it down.
25243 The Olympics are over.
25246 you're cooperating with the treatment.
25249 strong oxen than 100 chickens.  Chickens are OK but we can't make them work
25250 together yet.
25251 		-- Ross Bott, Pyramid U.S., on multiprocessors at AUUGM '89.
25253 If you're going to America, bring your own food.
25257 that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
25260 If you're going to walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.
25262 If you're happy, you're successful.
25264 If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
25266 If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory.
25272 Though living on burrowed time.
25276 off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe.
25278 If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
25287 	When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
25289 Ignorance is bliss.
25293 	BLISS is ignorance.
25295 Ignorance is never out of style.  It was in fashion yesterday, it is the
25296 rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow.
25297 		-- Franklin K. Dane
25299 Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
25302 so resolutely pursuing it.
25304 Ignore previous fortune.
25309 	Et le momerade horgrave.
25311 Es brilig war.  Die schlichte Toven
25314 	Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben.
25316 I'll be comfortable on the couch.  Famous last words.
25319 I'll be Grateful when they're Dead.
25321 I'll burn my books.
25324 I'll give you my opinion of the human race in a nutshell ... their heart's
25325 in the right place, but their head is a thoroughly inefficient organ.
25326 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Summing Up"
25331 And in our bound partition never part.
25336 The inverse of my verse, a null domain.
25339 I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh.
25344 I play just what I feel.
25346 And die behind the wheel.
25348 I want a name when I lose.
25350 Call me Deacon Blues.
25353 I'll meet you... on the dark side of the moon...
25356 I'll never get off this planet.
25359 I'll pretend to trust you if you'll pretend to trust me.
25361 I'll turn over a new leaf.
25364 Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States.  Ask
25365 any Indian.
25368 Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
25372 (translation: no carbonated drinks allowed.)
25375 it's more like the land He's trying to ignore.
25379 Illusion is the first of all pleasures.
25383 that I could have evolved from man.
25385 "I'm a doctor, not a mechanic."
25387 		   the idea of a doomsday machine.
25388 "I'm a doctor, not an escalator."
25390 		   Ellen up a steep incline.
25391 "I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer."
25392 		-- Devil in the Dark", when asked to patch up the Horta.
25393 "I'm a doctor, not an engineer."
25395 		   Engineering aboard the ISS Enterprise.
25396 "I'm a doctor, not a coalminer."
25397 		-- "The Empath", on being beneath the surface of Minara 2.
25398 "I'm a surgeon, not a psychiatrist."
25400 		   that Kirk talked strangely.
25401 "I'm no magician, Spock, just an old country doctor."
25403 		   aging effects of the rogue comet near Gamma Hydra 4.
25406 		   physical exam to answer the alert.
25409 a sports jacket and take off my brain.
25411 I'm a lucky guy, and I'm happy to be with the Yankees.  And I want to
25412  thank everyone for making this night necessary.
25416 wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
25419 will be more productive than its cost.
25422 I'm an artist.
25423 But it's not what I really want to do.
25424 What I really want to do is be a shoe salesman.
25426 "Dreamer!  Get your head out of the clouds."
25427 All right!  But it's what I want to do.
25428 Instead I have to go on painting all day long.
25430 The world should make a place for shoe salesmen.
25431 		-- J. Feiffer
25434 that I could have been created by man.
25439 I'm dying beyond my means.
25442 "I'm dying," he croaked.
25443 "My experiment was a success," the chemist retorted .
25444 "You can't really train a beagle," he dogmatized.
25445 "That's no beagle, it's a mongrel," she muttered.
25446 "The fire is going out," he bellowed.
25447 "Bad marksmanship," the hunter groused.
25448 "You ought to see a psychiatrist," he reminded me.
25449 "You snake," she rattled.
25450 "Someone's at the door," she chimed.
25451 "Company's coming," she guessed.
25452 "Dawn came too soon," she mourned.
25453 "I think I'll end it all," Sue sighed.
25454 "I ordered chocolate, not vanilla," I screamed.
25455 "Your embroidery is sloppy," she needled cruelly.
25456 "Where did you get this meat?" he bridled hoarsely.
25459 I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
25462 I'm for bringing back the birch, but only for consenting adults.
25466 just had a good war.
25469 I'm free -- and freedom tastes of reality.
25471 I'm glad I was not born before tea.
25477 And McGovern were a tree.
25479 I'm going through my "I want to go back to New York" phase today.  Happens
25480 every six months or so.  So, I thought, perhaps unwisely, that I'd share
25481 it with you.
25484   the wind travels at a million miles an hour down 5th avenue.
25485 > And in LA it's 72.
25488   is a million percent.
25489 > And in LA it's 72.
25491 > In New York there are a million interesting people.
25492 > And in LA there are 72.
25494 I'm going to Boston to see my doctor.  He's a very sick man.
25497 I'm going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
25500 I'm going to raise an issue and stick it in your ear.
25503 I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House.  President Johnson
25504 says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
25507 I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
25509 I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?
25513 	I've missed your special date.
25515 	My tax return is late.
25519 living apart.
25520 		-- E.E. Cummings
25523 N-ary the tree, I am, I am.
25525 She's traversed me seven times before.
25527 Never wouldn't ever do a binary. (No sir!)
25528 I'm 'er eighth tree that was N-ary.
25530 N-ary the tree I am.
25533 I'm not a lovable man.
25534 		-- Richard Nixon.
25537 with twenty-eight years ago.
25540 I'm not afraid of death -- I just don't want to be there when it happens.
25544 match the men.
25547 I'm not even going to *bother* comparing C to BASIC or FORTRAN.
25548 		-- L. Zolman, creator of BDS C
25550 I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you.
25553 every life evolves by its own laws.
25555 I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
25557 I'm not proud.
25561 I'm not sure I've even got the brains to be President.
25566 I'm not the person your mother warned you about... her imagination isn't
25567 that good.
25571 that some thinkle peep I am.
25572 It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
25576 and use the word *billions*, and so on.  And then I say it would be astonishing
25578 yet no compelling evidence for it.  And then I'm asked, "Yeah, but what do you
25579 really think?"  I say, "I just told you what I really think."  "Yeah, but
25580 what's your gut feeling?"  But I try not to think with my gut.  Really, it's
25581 okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in.
25585 totally unprepared for everyday life.
25587 I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States.  The only thing is
25588 -- I could be just as proud for half the money.
25591 I'm really enjoying not talking to you...
25592 Let's not talk again REAL soon...
25594 I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
25596 I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
25598 I'm sorry, but my kharma just ran over your dogma.
25600 I'm sorry I missed.
25603 I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.
25605 I'm still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
25607 I'm successful because I'm lucky.
25608 The harder I work, the luckier I get.
25611 a customer.  "Let me wrap your head in a towel."
25612 	"That's all right," said the customer.  "I'll just take it home under
25613 my arm."
25618 I am the very model of a modern Major-General.
25621 I'm very old-fashioned.  I believe that people should marry for life,
25622 like pigeons and Catholics.
25625 Imagination is more important than knowledge.
25626 		-- A. Einstein
25628 Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.
25632 way.  This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of
25633 complaining.
25636 Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer.  It has a
25639 for input, fits in your shirt pocket and costs $300.  What's the first
25644 Imagine there's no heaven... it's easy if you try.
25650 Imbalance of power corrupts and monopoly of power corrupts absolutely.
25656 	anything clean.
25658 Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
25661 Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
25663 Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
25665 Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal.
25668 Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal.
25669 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger"
25671 Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery.
25674 Immortality -- a fate worse than death.
25675 		-- Edgar A. Shoaff
25678 	(1)  If a tarpaulin can flap, it will.
25679 	(2)  If a small boy can get dirty, he will.
25680 	(3)  If a teenager can go out, he will.
25685 	conflicting opinions.
25687 Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
25689 it.  Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by spontaneously moving
25690 from where you left them to where you can't find them.
25694 revolution.  But, it was clear to everybody, that if you looked at it from
25696 shops opened, and was actually saying, "Comrades, forward to the Vodka shops.
25699 ruble and say, "Oh my goodness, Comrades, Lenin tells me we should go.
25703 more to its liking.
25707 liking.
25709 In a bottle, the neck is always at the top.
25712 an IC will blow to protect the fuse.
25715 the prisoners of addiction and the prisoners of envy.
25718 by slow starvation.  The old principle: Who does not work shall not eat,
25719 has been replaced by a new one: Who does not obey shall not eat.
25724 anyway.
25727 In a five year period we can get one superb programming language.
25728 Only we can't control when the five year period will begin.
25731 placed in an ashtray, the smoke will waft into the face of the non-smoker.
25734 other really likes.
25737 In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ...
25739 to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who
25740 have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
25741 		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle"
25745 are all merely transforms of one another.  This combined with
25748 lead to a significant decrease in system resolution lost.  However,
25749 this all means jack when you listen to Pink Floyd.
25752 of a rebel computer hacker.  However, they were unable to complete the arrest
25754 person in the house was named don provan.  Proving, once again, that Unix is
25755 superior to Tops10.
25758 taste and in a sports car it's impossible.
25761 risk he takes.
25764 In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
25768 beloved.
25771 In an orderly world, there's always a place for the disorderly.
25773 In any country there must be people who have to die.  They are the
25774 sacrifices any nation has to make to achieve law and order.
25778 are to be treated as variables.
25781 the answer may be obtained by inspection.
25784 it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
25789 	to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.
25792 the cows are known sluts.
25796 made the World Series just something that came later.
25800 shut your eyes tight and commend yourself to God.
25804 teacher should know.  "I would not leave the definition of math," Dr. Honig
25805 said, "up to the mathematicians."
25809 it into television shows.
25812 In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
25815 against prayer in schools will be temporarily cancelled.
25822 In case of injury notify your superior immediately.
25823 He'll kiss it and make it better.
25825 In charity there is no excess.
25829 husband; when her husband is dead, to her sons.  A woman must never
25830 be free of subjugation.
25833 In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter.
25835 In Christianity, a man may have only one wife.
25836 This is called Monotony.
25838 In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable.
25839 		-- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery
25841 In dwelling, be close to the land.
25842 In meditation, delve deep into the heart.
25843 In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.
25844 In speech, be true.
25845 In work, be competent.
25846 In action, be careful of your timing.
25849 In English, every word can be verbed.  Would that it were so in our
25850 programming languages.
25852 In every country and every age, the priest has been hostile to Liberty.
25855 In every hierarchy the cream rises until it sours.
25856 		-- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
25858 In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun.
25859 Find the fun and snap!  The job's a game.
25861 	a lark, a spree; it's very clear to see.
25864 In every non-trivial program there is at least one bug.
25866 In fact, S. M. Simpson, eventually devised an efficient 24-point Fourier
25868 in 1965.  The FFT made all of Simpson's efficient autocorrelation and
25869 spectrum programs instantly obsolete, on which he had worked half a lifetime.
25870 		-- Proc. IEEE, Sept. 1982, p.900
25873 in life the recourse of the powerless is petty theft.
25876 I wasn't a Communist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up
25877 because I wasn't a Jew.  Then they came for the trade unionists, and I
25878 didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.  Then they came for the
25879 Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.  Then they came
25880 for me -- and by that time no one was left to speak up.
25883 In God we trust; all else we walk through.
25890 In all the others all she loves is love.
25909 					and the memory goes on hurting.
25912 In Hollywood, all marriages are happy.  It's trying to live together
25913 afterwards that causes the problems.
25916 In Hollywood, if you don't have happiness, you send out for it.
25921 which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
25926 and the Renaissance.  In Switzerland, they had brotherly love, they had
25928 The cuckoo-clock.
25933 	[ (and seven nights...)  Ed.]
25936 progress on ... the overriding problem of war and peace.
25939 In like a dimwit, out like a light.
25942 In love, she who gives her portrait promises the original.
25946 to take every advantage of the enemy.
25950 have obtained from books of travel.
25954 in matters of taste, swim with the current.
25957 In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait.
25960 In Minnesota they ask why all football fields in Iowa have artificial turf.
25961 It's so the cheerleaders won't graze during the game.
25964 proves is that two people are present.
25966 In my end is my beginning.
25970 your left leg, it's modern architecture.
25974 becoming pure energy.
25975 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
25978 punishments, there are consequences.
25979 		-- R.G. Ingersoll
25982 a practice which is still continued.
25985 In order to dial out, it is necessary to broaden one's dimension.
25988 you're what's left.
25990 In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
25992 In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom.
25993 It is not always an easy sacrifice.
25996 is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
26001 from the cares of office.
26003 In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
26006 a Prime Minister worthy of assassination.
26010 happens a lot despite official propaganda to the contrary.
26013 In real love you want the other person's good.  In romantic love you
26014 want the other person.
26017 In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.
26022 their minds and you never hear that old view from them again.  They really
26023 do it.  It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are
26024 human and change is sometimes painful.  But it happens every day.  I cannot
26025 recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
26028 In short, N is Richardian if, and only if, N is not Richardian.
26030 In spite of everything, I still believe that people are good at heart.
26033 In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.
26036 In the beginning there was nothing.  And the Lord said "Let There Be Light!"
26037 And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.
26039 In the beginning was the word.
26041 There was trouble.
26042 For with it came syntax ...
26048 intelligent thought is possible without a good cup of coffee.  On page
26050 fuchsian functions, which he describes as "... one of his greatest
26051 discoveries, the first which consecrated his glory ..."  Hadamard refers
26052 to Poincare having had a "... sleepless night which initiated all that
26053 memorable work ..." and gives the following, very revealing quote:
26056 	could not sleep.  Ideas rose in crowds;  I felt them collide
26058 	combination."
26060 Too bad drinking black coffee was contrary to his custom.  Maybe he
26061 could really have amounted to something as a coffee achiever.
26068 	And men were really obnoxious.
26073 Draw conclusions on the wall.
26077 With a listing in my hand.
26079 Waitin' here in CERAS-land.	Pascal run all set to go.
26081 How I miss a good meal so.	With this code that ever grows.
26083 With no place to go.		But that can't make the queue move fast.
26085 				I've moved up one at last.
26087 		   Morning Rain" by G. Lightfoot
26089 In the east there is a shark which is larger than all other fish.  It changes
26090 into a bird whose wings are like clouds filling the sky.  When this bird
26091 moves across the land, it brings a message from Corporate Headquarters. This
26093 its mark upon the beach. Then the bird mounts on the wind and, with the blue
26094 sky at its back, returns home.
26096 The novice programmer stares in wonder at the bird, for he understands it not.
26097 The average programmer dreads the coming of the bird, for he fears its message.
26099 	that the bird has come and gone.
26101 In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.
26105 this was for practice; then he made school boards.
26126 In the future, there will be fewer but better Russians.
26129 In the future, you're going to get computers as prizes in breakfast cereals.
26130 You'll throw them out because your house will be littered with them.
26132 In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.
26136 woman is merely an instrument of pleasure.
26140 Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead.
26143 In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.
26146 In the long run we are all dead.
26149 In the middle of a wide field is a pot of gold.  100 feet to the north stands
26150 a smart manager.  100 feet to the south stands a dumb manager.  100 feet to
26151 the east is the Easter Bunny, and 100 feet to the west is Santa Claus.
26154 A:	The dumb manager.  All the rest are myths.
26158 the revelers.  Approaching her, he introduced himself and, after some quiet
26160 jaded group.  Why don't I take you home?""
26161 	"Fine," said the girl, smiling up at him demurely.  "Where do you
26165 displeasing to us.
26168 In the next world, you're on your own.
26170 In the Old West a wagon train is crossing the plains.  As night falls the
26171 wagon train forms a circle, and a campfire is lit in the middle.  After
26173 camp.
26175 a nearby Indian village they had passed during the day.  The drums get
26176 louder and louder.
26178 the sound of those drums."
26180 NOT OUR REGULAR DRUMMER."
26183 loaf of bread.  However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to
26185 lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy.  If you stole a dog
26187 was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you.
26191 struggled and had lots of children.  There was a Frenchman who talked funny
26193 crunch he was all courage.  Those novels would make you retch.
26195 		   novel.
26198 shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles.  Therefore ... in the Old
26200 thousand miles long ... seven hundred and forty-two years from now the
26201 Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long.  ... There is
26202 something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesome returns of
26203 conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
26207 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
26210 In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
26213 out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques.
26216 In the war of wits, he's unarmed.
26218 In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.
26219 In practice, there is.
26221 In these matters the only certainty is that there is nothing certain.
26227 But not your chin.
26230 In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
26234 thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
26235 		-- H.L. Mencken
26237 In this world some people are going to like me and some are not.
26238 So, I may as well be me.  Then I know if someone likes me, they like me.
26240 In this world there are only two tragedies.  One is
26241 not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
26244 In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
26247 employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties.
26248 		-- Dr. L.J. Peter
26254 Down to a sunless C.
26256 In war it is not men, but the man who counts.
26259 In war, truth is the first casualty.
26264 In wine there is truth (In vino veritas).
26268 But only if the NFL to a franchise would agree.
26274 Down to a sunless sea.
26280 Enfolding sunny spots of greenery.
26281 		-- S.T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn"
26286 To suit his theories.
26296 	to motivate its people.  Still, despite all the experimentation with
26299 	keep it."
26301 Include me out.
26303 Increased knowledge will help you now.
26304 Have mate's phone bugged.
26307 	Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents.
26309 Indecision is the true basis for flexibility.
26313 with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.'
26314 		-- M.D. Epstein
26318 	alphabetical list of subjects with references ought to be.
26320 Indiana is a state dedicated to basketball.  Basketball, soybeans, hogs and
26321 basketball.  Berkeley, needless to say, is not nearly as athletic.  Berkeley
26322 is dedicated to coffee, angst, potholes and coffee.
26330 advance; insufferable in victory.
26335 about us."  The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
26339 Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
26342 Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
26346 	tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
26348 Information is the inverse of entropy.
26352 	it they won't let it be discussed in their presence.
26360 		obedicing the instructs of the vessel.
26364 		the service. Our utmost will improve it.
26372 		dressed as a man.
26376 		or similar.
26380 		The lift is being fixed for the next days.
26381 		During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
26389 		Right turn toward immediate outside.
26391 		Go soothingly in the snow, as there lurk the ski demons.
26393 		Five o'clock tea at all hours.
26399 		on front of shirt.
26405 	and then complains of indigestion.
26407 Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
26408 		-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
26413 	idiocy and promote intellectual crime.
26414 		-- H.L. Mencken
26417 likes oneself.
26421 	Annoy people.
26423 Innovation is hard to schedule.
26427 	Italian enema.
26430 token it is the shortest detour to marriage.
26435 Insanity is the final defense.  It's hard to get a refund when
26436 the salesman is sniffing your crotch and baying at the moon.
26440 	favorite words.
26443 	the person who told it to you.
26445 Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
26447 Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
26449 Inspector:	"Mrs. Freem, was this your husband's first
26451 Mrs. Freem:	"His first fatal one, yes."
26454 Inspiration without perspiration is usually sterile.
26459 years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
26462 Instead of loving your enemies, treat your friends a little better.
26463 		-- Edgar W. Howe
26465 Integrity has no need for rules.
26467 Intel CPUs are not defective, they just act that way.
26470 Intellect annuls Fate.
26471 So far as a man thinks, he is free.
26474 Interchangeable parts won't.
26478 	burned out employees must feign.
26482 invasion of Grenada.  Fifty-three percent said yes; 39 percent said no;
26487 best at, that's what I say.
26493 	interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.
26496 	Thus I went and thus I go.
26506 	When you feel sophisticated without being able to pronounce it.
26508 Introducing, the 1010, a one-bit processor.
26520 it requires real maturity to become involved and not get all messed up.
26526 I/O, I/O, I/O...
26530 _/I\_____________o______________o___/I\     l  * /    /_/ *   __  '     .* l
26531 I"""_____________l______________l___"""I\   l      *//      _l__l_   . *.  l
26534  [__][__][_l    l[__][__][l    l][__][] l   l \\)) ._****_.(......) .@@@:::l
26535  [][__][__]l   .l_][__][__]   .l__][__] l   l   ll  _(o_o)_        (@*_*@  l
26537  [][__][ /..,/][__][__][/..,/_][__][__] l   l  / \\  _\  \_   /     _\_\   l
26539  [__][__]] l     ,  , .      [__][__][] l
26540  [][__][_] l   . i. '/ ,     [][__][__] l        /\**/\       season's
26541  [__][__]] l  O .\ / /, O    [__][__][] l       ( o_o  )_)       greetings
26545 In Ellen's house it is warm and toasty while fuzzies play in the snow outside.
26553 	-- Crow T. Robot
26555 Iowans ask why Minnesotans don't drink more Kool-Aid.  That's because
26557 little paper envelopes.
26560 	Them that has, gets.
26564 	a short skirt approaches, dust blows in your eyes.
26592 Is sex dirty?  Only if it's done right.
26601 "To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."
26602 "The dog did nothing in the night-time."
26603 "That was the curious incident," remarked Sherlock Holmes.
26610 Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil.
26636 		Most things get steadily worse.
26638 		A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
26641 most widely used higher level language for systems programming.
26642 		-- J. Sammet
26645 Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
26647 And empty holes it fills.
26649 Ends life, kills laughter.
26654 existence.  But the conjunction "Walter's horse exists, and it could be
26657 horse has wings by Walter having a different horse.  Nor does "Walter's
26660 have wings by not being Walter's horse.
26666 better logician than I am" is false because there need not have been any me.
26667 		-- A.N. Prior, "Time and Modality"
26669 It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
26673 interest anyone or arouse anyone's misgivings. I asked for an invitation
26675 invited to a social gathering. I felt the set of rules others lived by
26676 was irrelevant. My childhood attitude -- every attempt to adjust is
26678 carried me.
26681 It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
26684 pick up something from the floor while you get up.
26687 done and what you're going to do.
26689 It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
26692 next morning it was someone else.
26698 than be the instrument of his army's downfall.
26701 It gets late early out there.
26705 or both feet firmly planted in the air.
26730 It was sad, oh so sad.
26733 It happened that a fire broke out backstage in a theater.  The clown came
26734 out to inform the public.  They thought it was just a jest and applauded.
26735 He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder.  So I think the world
26737 that it is a joke.
26741 it does not necessarily follow that he has therefore been struck stone-blind.
26742 		-- H. Warner Munn
26746 have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.
26749 It has been said that man is a rational animal.  All my life
26750 I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
26754 and getting people under the influence.
26757 It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
26760 or especially consummate expertise, is a bad thing.  It dehumanizes those who
26763 notions.  This popular delusion flourishes now more than ever, for we are all
26765 folklore to Article of Belief.  It enhances their self-esteem and lightens
26769 competence will be quite enough.
26773 the most important.
26777 little things are infinitely the most important.
26781 manes of horses.  The only known solution to this problem is to sprinkle
26783 is nest, and never the mane shall tweet.
26786 than another -- but which one?  Differences are crucial.
26790 indulgence for infanticide.  A question of interest, my dear Sir!  The jury
26792 of infanticide.
26796 to argue with the belly, since it has no ears.
26800 wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.
26803 It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
26805 It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
26809 my age, he had been dead for 2 years.
26813 it is also very memorable.  I vividly recall the night we decided how to
26814 organize the actual writing of external specifications for OS/360.  The
26816 I were threshing out the plan, schedule, and division of responsibilities.
26817 	The architecture manager had 10 good men.  He asserted that they
26818 could write the specifications and do it right.  It would take ten months,
26819 three more than the schedule allowed.
26820 	The control program manager had 150 men.  He asserted that they
26822 it would be well-done and practical, and he could do it on schedule.
26824 their thumbs for ten months.
26827 but would also be three months late, and of much lower quality.  I did, and
26828 it was.  He was right on both counts.  Moreover, the lack of conceptual
26830 estimate that it added a year to debugging time.
26831 		-- Frederick Brooks Jr., "The Mythical Man Month"
26833 It is a wise father that knows his own child.
26836 It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program.
26842 but you should let go of it now and then.
26846 unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar.
26847 		-- Jerome K. Jerome
26850 you are an exceptionally good liar.
26851 		-- Jerome K. Jerome
26853 It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
26855 It is annoying to be honest to no purpose.
26858 It is bad luck to be superstitious.
26859 		-- Andrew W. Mathis
26861 [It is] best to confuse only one issue at a time.
26864 It is better to be bow-legged than no-legged.
26866 It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.
26868 It is better to burn out than it is to rust.
26870 It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
26872 It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
26874 It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
26876 It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
26878 It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
26880 It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
26882 It is better to live rich than to die rich.
26885 It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.
26887 It is better to travel hopefully than to fly Continental.
26890 and weight yourself down with invisible chains.
26892 It is better to wear out than to rust out.
26895 freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
26898 It is common sense to take a method and try it.  If it fails,
26899 admit it frankly and try another.  But above all, try something.
26900 		-- Franklin D. Roosevelt
26903 is a vacuum or space in which there is absolutely nothing.
26907 as it is convenient, let us believe there are.
26911 remember.
26914 It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
26918 rabbits singing about toilet paper.
26919 		-- R. Serling
26921 It is difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
26924 eye of a needle if it is lightly greased.
26931 attention, the harder the task.
26932 		-- Sydney J. Harris
26934 It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
26936 It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
26939 It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig.
26942 It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.
26945 It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
26947 It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
26949 It is easy when we are in prosperity to give advice to the afflicted.
26953 of his courtiers to deceive him for their own personal ends...
26957 holds back one who is hastening.  Rather one should befriend the guest who
26958 is there, but speed him when he wishes.
26961 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
26962 	 referring to scheduling.]
26965 thing that he is a proper judge of it.
26968 It is explained that all relationships require a little give and take.  This
26969 is untrue.  Any partnership demands that we give and give and give and at the
26971 enough.
26974 It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
26977 without your help.
26980 It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
26983 	to become lacrymose over precipitately departed lactate fluid.
26986 		innovative maneuvers.
26989 if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people.
26990 		-- Dolph Sharp, "I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot"
26993 love does not lie in the ear.
26997 the vividly imaginative.  For although it may momentarily appear to be the
26999 crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
27002 It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
27005 against the attack of those who want to die.
27008 unless one has plenty of work to do.
27011 It is impossible to enjoy idling unless there is plenty of work to do.
27012 		-- Jerome K. Jerome
27015 foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
27018 certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
27022 	So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
27025 but the glory belongs to our ancestors.
27029 God and the Devil will have a high-level meeting.
27030 		-- Rev. Carl McIntire, on Nixon's China trip
27033 wife in public.  It always makes people think that he beats her when
27034 they're alone.  The world has grown so suspicious of anything that looks
27035 like a happy married life.
27038 It is much easier to be critical than to be correct.
27042 when you know nothing about the problem.
27044 It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
27048 youthful mind, and generally to scandalize one's uncles.
27051 It is no wonder that people are so horrible when they start life as children.
27054 It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
27057 that makes life blessed.
27060 It is not enough that I should succeed.  Others must fail.
27062 		[Also attributed to David Merrick.  Ed.]
27064 It is not enough to succeed.  Others must fail.
27066 		[Great minds think alike?  Ed.]
27068 It is not enough to have a good mind.
27069 The main thing is to use it well.
27073 we should also have the management of them.
27076 It is not every question that deserves an answer.
27080 inscrutable workings of Providence.
27084 and he who makes haste with his feet misses his way.
27088 dessert.  The answer is yes, she would like something for dessert, but
27089 she would like you to order it so she can pick at it with your fork.  She
27092 dessert she wants.  The dessert she wants is contained within yours.
27096 that cartesian co-ordinates are simpler than they have a right to be.
27100 the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the
27106 or defeat.
27110 another -- it's one damn thing over and over.
27111 		-- Edna St. Vincent Millay
27114 the MGM lot, a little man is lying face-up on the yellow brick road.  His
27115 wide eyes stare upward into the blinding stage lights.  He is wearing a
27117 big fez-like blue and yellow hat with a feather on top.  His yellow hair
27118 and beard are the phony straw color of Hollywood.  He could pass for some
27120 sticking out of his chest.  *Someone had murdered a Munchkin.*
27123 It is now 10 p.m.  Do you know where Henry Kissinger is?
27126 It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
27130 chemistry.
27131 		-- H.L. Mencken
27133 It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
27136 It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it.
27140 at all.  And often enough our faith beforehand in an uncertified result
27141 is the only thing that makes the result come true.
27145 what is essential is invisible to the eye.
27148 It is possible by ingenuity and at the expense of clarity... {to do almost
27149 anything in any language}.  However, the fact that it is possible to push
27151 way of getting it there.  Each of these techniques of language extension
27152 should be used in its proper place.
27155 It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen.
27160 mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
27161 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
27163 It is ridiculous to call this an industry.  This is not.  This is rat eat
27164 rat, dog eat dog.  I'll kill 'em, and I'm going to kill 'em before they
27165 kill me.  You're talking about the American way of survival of the fittest.
27171 day like any other day, only shorter.
27176 in all times and situations.  They presented him the words: "And this,
27177 too, shall pass away."
27178 		-- A. Lincoln
27184 It is so soon that I am done for, I wonder what I was begun for.
27188 devil when he is the only explanation of it.
27192 yourself-because-there-is-no-one-else-to-do-it-for-you grown up.
27197 which morally we can do.  To affect the quality of the day, that is the
27198 highest of arts. Every man is tasked to make his life, even in its details,
27199 worthy of the contemplation of his most elevated and critical hour.
27202 It is sweet to let the mind unbend on occasion.
27205 It is the business of little minds to shrink.
27208 It is the business of the future to be dangerous.
27212 set an house on fire, and it were but to roast their eggs.
27215 It is the quality rather than the quantity that matters.
27218 It is the wisdom of crocodiles, that shed tears when they would devour.
27221 It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
27224 lives, works and has his being.
27228 straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But it takes
27229 Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
27231 It is up to us to produce better-quality movies.
27235 It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist.
27236 It produces a false impression.
27237 		-- Oscar Wilde.
27239 It is when I struggle to be brief that I become obscure.
27242 It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final.
27245 It is your concern when your neighbor's wall is on fire.
27248 It isn't easy being a Friday kind of person in a Monday kind of world.
27250 It isn't easy being green.
27253 It isn't easy being the parent of a six-year-old.  However, it's a pretty
27255 computers.
27258 unhappy.
27261 It isn't whether you win or lose, it's how much money you end up with.
27262                 -- Jack T. Shakespeare
27265 to Grandmother's condo.
27268 probably what it was: something resembling white marble.
27271 It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
27273 It looks like it's up to me to save our skins.
27279 that chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."
27281 Sure they eat fish if that's all you give them!  Man, wise up.
27282 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
27285 to get in, and those within despair of getting out.
27289 or lose.
27293 better still to be a live lion.  And usually easier.
27297 is simply to serve as a warning to others.
27299 It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
27303 a new system.  For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit
27305 in those who would gain by the new ones.
27310 starts asking questions is promptly packed off to bed.
27313 It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
27315 It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
27318 one's life and then come round.
27321 It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
27324 they'll come out for it.
27328 It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.  The good ones
27329 slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much
27330 more.
27334 was founded as a protest against taxation.
27339 artificial lubrication or foreplay.
27343 It seems intuitively obvious to me, which means that it might be wrong.
27347 language named "research student".
27349 It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
27352 to love with authority.  Women are simple souls who like simple things,
27353 and one of the simplest is one of the simplest to give.  ...  Our family
27354 airedale will come clear across the yard for one pat on the head.  The
27355 average wife is like that.
27358 It takes a smart husband to have the last word and not use it.
27360 It takes a special kind of courage to face what we all have to face.
27362 It takes all kinds to fill the freeways.
27365 It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
27368 than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
27369 		-- H.W. Longfellow
27371 It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
27374 may have saved a U.S. Army unit from heavy casualties during the Grenada
27375 military rescue/invasion. Major General David Nichols, Air Force ... said
27376 the Army unit was in a house surrounded by Cuban forces.  One soldier found
27377 a telephone and, using his credit card, called Ft. Bragg, N.C., telling Army
27378 officers there of the perilous situation. The officers in turn called the
27379 Air Force, which sent in gunships to scatter the Cubans and relieve the unit.
27383 but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
27387 system.  From this, and the fact that we were able to capture and examine
27389 sharp, probably not someone here on campus.
27390 		-- Dr. Richard LeBlanc, associate professor of ICS, in
27391 		   Georgia Tech's campus newspaper after the Internet worm.
27394 The capture and kill.
27396 I did it all for thrills.
27399 It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
27402 It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
27404 It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
27407 since the middle of my marriage.  There was energy, softness, grace and
27408 laughter.  I even took my socks off.  In my circle, that means class.
27411 It was a Roman who said it was sweet to die for one's country.  The Greeks
27412 never said it was sweet to die for anything.  They had no vital lies.
27415 It was all so different before everything changed.
27418 when you're stickin' those artificial stimulants in your arm.
27422 was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken ...
27434 It was Penguin lust... at its ugliest.
27436 It was pity stayed his hand.  "Pity I don't have any more bullets,"
27437 thought Frito.
27440 It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day.  Perhaps
27441 I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it.  I
27443 the signature (which I guessed at).  There's a singular and a perpetual
27445 novelty.  Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but
27446 yours are kept forever -- unread.  One of them will last a reasonable
27447 man a lifetime.
27451 road.  Anxious to find shelter for the night, he walked over to a farmhouse
27452 and knocked on the front door.  No one responded.  He could feel the water
27453 from the roof running down the back of his neck as he stood on the stoop.
27454 The next time he knocked louder, but still no answer.  By now he was soaked
27455 to the skin.  Desperately he pounded on the door.  At last the head of a
27456 man appeared out of an upstairs window.
27457 	"What do you want?" he asked gruffly.
27459 would let me stay here for the night."
27460 	"Sure," replied the man. "If you want to stay there all night, it's
27461 okay with me."
27463 It was the Law of the Sea, they said.  Civilization ends at the waterline.
27464 Beyond that, we all enter the food chain, and not always right at the top.
27465 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
27468 would have been more wonderful to miss it.
27471 It wasn't exactly a divorce -- I was traded.
27474 It wasn't that she had a rose in her teeth, exactly.
27475 It was more like the rose and the teeth were in the same glass.
27478 the way some people are of everything.
27480 It would save me a lot of time if you just gave up and went mad now.
27483 	Slanted to the right to emphasize key phrases.  Unique to
27485 	are often slanted to the left.
27487 It'll be a nice world if they ever get it finished.
27489 It'll be just like Beggars Canyon back home.
27492 It's a .88 magnum -- it goes through schools.
27499 It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word.
27502 It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear.
27506 breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.
27508 It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
27511 when you lose yours.
27512 		-- Harry S. Truman
27514 It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
27517 It's all in the mind, ya know.
27519 It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
27522 "It's all so painfully empty and lonesome...  I don't think I can stand
27523 any more of it... the whole dreadful way we are born, die, and are
27524 never missed.  The fact there is *nobody*... nobody really...  We come
27525 out of a yawning tomb of flesh and sink back finally into another tomb.
27529 then at the last lie down in some hole in the ground forever.  Who could
27533 It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
27537 with if only they'd make the first approach.
27539 It's amazing how much better you feel once you've given up hope.
27541 It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
27543 It's amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away.
27549 It's better to be quotable than to be honest.
27552 It's better to be wanted for murder that not to be wanted at all.
27555 It's better to burn out than it is to rust.
27557 It's better to burn out than to fade away.
27559 It's better to have loved and lost -- much better.
27561 It's business doing pleasure with you.
27565 It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
27567 "It's easier said than done."
27569 ... and if you don't believe it, try proving that it's easier done than
27572 done".
27574 It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.
27578 wrong than forgiveness for being right.
27580 It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.
27584 it's much harder to forgive them for being right.
27586 It's easy to make a friend.  What's hard is to make a stranger.
27593 the ignorance of the community.
27599 More money.
27600 		-- Tom T. Hall, "The Secret of Life"
27602 It's from Casablanca.  I've been waiting all my life to use that line.
27607 kill somebody.
27612 And I've got two more bottles of wine.
27615 even if most of them are bad.
27617 It's hard to argue that God hated Oklahoma.
27620 It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
27623 it's harder to know where the limits are.
27626 It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
27630 you're getting something off your chest.
27632 It's hard to outrun dead people because they don't have to breathe.
27636 result of millions of years of evolution.
27638 It's important that people know what you stand for.
27639 It's more important that they know what you won't stand for.
27642 distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
27644 It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is.
27645 If you don't, it's its.  Then too, it's hers.  It isn't her's.  It isn't
27646 our's either.  It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs.
27651 Remember:  one man's ceiling is another man's floor.
27652 One man's ceiling is another man's floor.
27655 It's later than you think.
27658 Russian-American space mission has already begun.
27660 It's like deja vu all over again.
27668 get drunk.
27671 you're going in the wrong direction.
27673 It's multiple choice time...
27677 	a: Between thre and fiv tran.
27678 	b: What two computers engage in before they interface.
27679 	c: Ridiculous.
27681 Its name is Public Opinion.  It is held in reverence.
27682 It settles everything.  Some think it is the voice of God.
27685 It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
27687 It's no longer a question of staying healthy.  It's a question of finding
27688 a sickness you like.
27691 It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.
27693 It's not against any religion to want to dispose of a pigeon.
27696 It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
27699 It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either.
27702 It's not easy being green.
27705 It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too.
27708 It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong.
27709 		-- J.K. Galbraith
27711 It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
27713 It's not that I'm afraid to die.
27714 I just don't want to be there when it happens.
27717 It's not the fall that kills you, it's the landing.
27719 It's not the men in my life, but the life in my men that counts.
27722 It's not whether you win or lose but how you look playing the game.
27724 It's not whether you win or lose but how you played the game.
27727 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game.
27729 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
27733 "You" is capitalized and the "i" is lower case.
27734 		-- Sydney J. Harris
27737 what fragments of my once considerable mental powers I still possess.
27740 It's our fault.  We should have given him better parts.
27742 		   elected governor of California.
27745 for governor, "No, Jimmy Stewart for Governor; Reagan for best friend."]
27748 as a warning to others.
27751 poverty and wealth have both failed.
27754 It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
27757 society will take full responsibility for you.
27760 using laboratory rats in favor of attorneys.  Seems that there are not
27761 only more of them, but you don't get so emotionally attached.  The only
27763 results to humans.
27765 	[Also, there are some things even a rat won't do.  Ed.]
27768 have been all over it.
27769 		-- Julia Child on nouvelle cuisine.
27780 Devil when he is the only explanation for it.
27782 It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
27786 It's the good girls who keep the diaries, the bad girls never have the time.
27789 It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which raises
27790 the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to.
27791 		-- Franklin P. Jones
27793 It's the same old story; boy meets beer, boy drinks beer...
27794 boy gets another beer.
27797 "It's today!" said Piglet.
27798 "My favorite day," said Pooh.
27801 madly in love, drunk, or running for office.
27804 venture capitalist to suck your eyeballs out.
27805 		-- Peter Kennedy, chairman of Kraft & Kennedy.
27808 know when everything may suddenly stop happening.
27810 IV. The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
27812     spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
27814 	inevitably unsuccessful.
27815  V. All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
27817 	them directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or an
27819 	the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.
27821 	auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
27822 VI. As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
27825 	altercation at several places simultaneously.  This effect is common
27826 	as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.  A "wacky"
27828 	speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
27831 I've already told you more than I know.
27833 I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.
27839 drink anything stronger than tequila before breakfast.
27840 		-- R. Nesson
27842 I've been in more laps than a napkin.
27847 I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.
27853 A month ago.
27856 I've been there.
27861 My PL/1 compiler shows impressive functionality.
27865 My disk drive has capacity for variable formatting.
27870 I've built a better model than the one at Data General.
27875 I've finally learned what "upward compatible" means.
27876 It means we get to keep all our old mistakes.
27879 I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
27881 I've got a very bad feeling about this.
27884 I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4 o'clock.
27887 I've got some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
27890 I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.  But this wasn't it.
27893 I've had one child.  My husband wants to have another.
27894 I'd like to watch him have another.
27897 		-- Joel Halpern.
27900 be just a few simple heuristics you have to remember...
27902 Yes, don't fall out, and don't hit rocks.
27904 I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
27907 I've never been hurt by anything I didn't say.
27910 I've never had a problem with drugs; I've had problems with the police.
27913 I never turn blue in anyone's bathroom.  I think that's the height of
27914 bad taste.
27917 I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.
27918 		-- W.C. Fields
27920 I've noticed several design suggestions in your code.
27922 I've only got 12 cards.
27924 I've spent almost all of my life with highly intelligent men.  They're not
27925 like other men.  Their spirit is great and stimulating.  They hate strife;
27926 indeed they reject it.  Their inventive gifts are boundless.  They demand
27927 devotion and obedience.  And a sense of humor.  I happily gave all of this.
27928 I was lucky to be chosen and clever enough to understand them.
27931 I've tried several varieties of sex.  The conventional position makes
27932 me claustrophobic, and the others either give me a stiff neck or lockjaw.
27937 	legislature is in session.
27961 "If silicon had been a gas, I should have been a major general."
27965 Vaudeville. However, it is our latest medium -- we call it a medium
27966 because nothing's well done. It was discovered, I suppose you've heard,
27969 television?" and "Good night".
27975 	create electronic equipment and computers using black magic.  It
27978 	which they are harvested by the happy natives.
27980 Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
27983 	It won't work.
27985 Jim, it's Grace at the bank.  I checked your Christmas Club account.
27986 You don't have five-hundred dollars.  You have fifty.  Sorry, computer foul-up!
27988 Jim, it's Jack.  I'm at the airport.  I'm going to Tokyo and wanna pay
27989 you the five-hundred I owe you.  Catch you next year when I get back!
27994 	each other so that everybody is cramped.
27996 Jim, this is Janelle.  I'm flying tonight, so I can't make our date, and
27997 I gotta find a safe place for Daffy.  He loves you, Jim!  It's only two
27998 days, and you'll see.  Great Danes are no problem!
28000 Jim, this is Matty down at Ralph's and Mark's.  Some guy named Angel
28001 Martin just ran up a fifty buck bar tab.  And now he wants to charge it
28002 to you.  You gonna pay it?
28006 	separate the wheat from the chaff -- then hire the chaff.
28009 	Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
28011 Joe Cool always spends the first two weeks at college sailing his frisbee.
28014 Joe sat as his dying wife's bedside.
28015 Her voice was little more than a whisper.
28017 before I go.  I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe...
28018 I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Charles.  And it was I who
28019 forced your mistress to leave the city.  And I am the one who reported
28020 your income-tax evasion to the I.R.S..."
28022 whispered Joe. "I'm the one who poisoned you."
28027 	An odd sort of person with a thing for pain.
28036 	That pathetic manifestation of organized apoplexy.
28037 		-- Edward P. Morgan
28041 (George and Ringo miffed.)
28048 Saying death to all those who would whimper and cry.
28050 Saying the sun is not yellow, it's chicken.
28056 	taxi driver behind you blowing his horn.
28060 	most inconvenient possible time.
28063 	Systems resemble the organizations that create them.
28065 Join in the new game that's sweeping the country.  It's called "Bureaucracy".
28066 Everybody stands in a circle.  The first person to do anything loses.
28069 exciting people, and kill them.
28072 meet exciting interesting people, and kill them.
28078 	importance of their original contribution.
28082 	to blame it on.
28085 Nansen:	Every way is the true Way.
28087 N:	The more you study, the further from the Way.
28089 N:	The Way does not belong to things seen: nor to things unseen.
28090 	It does not belong to things known: nor to things unknown.  Do
28091 	not seek it, study it, or name it.  To find yourself on it, open
28092 	yourself as wide as the sky.
28094 Journalism is literature in a hurry.
28097 Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
28100 	Nice guys don't always finish last; sometimes they don't finish.
28105 someone else's cash.
28106 		-- P.G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier"
28108 Just a few of the perfect excuses for having some strawberry shortcake.
28109 Pick one.
28111 1:	It's less calories than two pieces of strawberry shortcake.
28112 2:	It's cheaper than going to France.
28113 3:	It neutralizes the brownies I had yesterday.
28114 4:	Life is short.
28115 5:	It's somebody's birthday.  I don't want them to celebrate alone.
28116 6:	It matches my eyes.
28117 7:	Whoever said, "Let them eat cake." must have been talking to me.
28118 8:	To punish myself for eating dessert yesterday.
28119 9:	Compensation for all the time I spend in the shower not eating.
28120 10:	Strawberry shortcake is evil.  I must help rid the world of it.
28121 11:	I'm getting weak from eating all that healthy stuff.
28122 12:	It's the second anniversary of the night I ate plain broccoli.
28125 To whom it may concern,			I held her for so long.
28127 It's easy to get burned.		And she was gone.
28129 We had to get back home,		A lesson to be learned.
28131 I had to be alone.			It's easy to get burned.
28135 And to the friendly skies.
28140 women.
28141 		-- G.B. Shaw
28144 seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires one side to be
28145 totally the loser and the other side to be totally the winner.  The reason
28147 the facts.  Therefore, when the wise mediator effects a compromise, he is
28148 not acting from political motivation.  Rather, he is acting from a deep
28149 sense of respect for the whole truth.
28150 		-- Stephen R. Schwambach
28152 Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
28155 Just because he's dead is no reason to lay off work.
28158 going to get hit.
28162 received does not mean it is not worth sending.
28165 are forbidden.  They are less allowed than allowed transitions, if you see
28166 what I mean.
28167 		-- From a Part 2 Quantum Mechanics lecture.
28169 Just because you like my stuff doesn't mean I owe you anything.
28173 condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.
28175 Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
28178 and think to yourself, `There's no place like home.'
28181 Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
28185 about his or her love affairs.
28193 What a glorious time to be free.
28197 an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets.
28198 		-- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
28200 Just remember, wherever you go, there you are.
28206 	By a finger entwined in his hair.
28209 	That alone should encourage the crew.
28211 	What I tell you three times is true.'
28213 Just to have it is enough.
28216 of all the others, and then do what's best.
28224 Just can't remember who to send it to...
28229 But I always thought that I'd see you again.
28230 Thought I'd see you one more time again.
28234 	A decision in your favor.
28236 Justice is incidental to law and order.
28237 		-- J. Edgar Hoover
28240 	A decision in your favor.
28243 	In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
28246 Kamikazes do it once.
28254 package of snack food.
28259 of lunch meat.
28263 	at the conception.
28264 		-- Joe Orton, "Entertaining Mr. Sloane"
28268 	all other possibilities have been exhausted.
28271 exhausted all other alternatives.
28276 	to the square of the distance from the keg.
28280 	of a single incident, in which that incident is never mentioned.
28282 Keep a diary and one day it'll keep you.
28285 Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
28288 With silent lips.  Give me your tired, your poor,
28290 The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
28291 Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me...
28294 Keep cool, but don't freeze.
28297 Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
28299 Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
28304 	   force is technically termed "car suck").
28308 	   proportional to the cost of hitting it.  For instance, a
28310 	   a little old lady rather than the beat up Chevy.
28314 	   in the head and knock you silly.
28316 Keep it short for pithy sake.
28318 Keep on keepin' on.
28321 small bullet hole appears between your fingers.
28324 Keep the number of passes in a compiler to a minimum.
28325 		-- D. Gries
28327 Keep the phase, baby.
28329 Keep up the good work!  But please don't ask me to help.
28331 Keep women you cannot.  Marry them and they come to hate the way
28333 at the end of six months.
28336 Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
28342 Your Head on your Shoulders.
28343 Now... try to get something DONE!
28345 Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
28351 Open it and you remove all doubt.
28355 	you've got to go broke.
28358 	Look for it first where you'd most like to find it.
28361 	1. To pack type together as tightly as the kernels on an ear
28362 	of corn.  2. In parts of Brooklyn and Queens, N.Y., a small,
28363 	metal object used as part of the monetary system.
28367 	traditions of sorcery and black art.
28370 	Logic is an organized way of going wrong with confidence.
28372 Kids always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
28374 Kids have *never* taken guidance from their parents.  If you could travel
28378 dad primate.  Then you'd see the primate teenager stomp up to his branch
28379 and slam the leaves.
28382 Kill a commy for your mommy.
28384 Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out.
28393 Kill your parents.
28396 Killing turkeys causes winter.
28401 	Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
28404 	An affliction of the blood.
28406 Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.
28409 Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.
28415 	part of the paper.
28418 	Responsibility always exceeds authority.
28421 	All the easy problems have been solved.
28423 Kirk to Enterprise...
28425 Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
28427 Kiss a non-smoker; taste the difference.
28429 Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.
28432 Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
28436 Kissing a fish is like smoking a bicycle.
28438 Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
28440 Kissing don't last, cookery do.
28444 sapphire bracelet lasts for ever.
28447 Kitchen activity is highlighted.
28448 Butter up a friend.
28450 Kites rise highest against the wind -- not with it.
28453 Klatu barada nikto.
28455 Kleeneness is next to Godelness.
28457 Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
28460 	A rich thief.
28463 	Never eat anything bigger than your head.
28470 	distressing whole.
28475 	causes of statistics.
28477 Knights are hardly worth it.
28478 I mean, all that shell and so little meat...
28482 Sam and Janet.
28484 Sam and Janet Evening...
28486 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Ether!  (ether who?)  Eather Bunny... Yea!
28495 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Anna!  (anna who?)
28496 	An another eather bunny... [chorus]
28497 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Stilla!  (stilla who?)
28498 	Still another ether bunny... [chorus]
28499 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Yetta!  (yetta who?)
28500 	Yet another ether bunny... [chorus]
28501 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Cargo!  (cargo who?)
28502 	Cargo beep beep and run over eather bunny... [chorus]
28503 Knock Knock...  (who's there?)  Boo!  (boo who?)
28506 Knocked, you weren't in.
28515 Know Thy User.
28517 Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
28519 Know what I hate most?  Rhetorical questions.
28520 		-- Henry N. Camp
28523 	Things you believe.
28525 Knowledge is power.
28528 Knowledge is power -- knowledge shared is power lost.
28531 Knowledge without common sense is folly.
28535 Knucklehead:	"Little ol' lady."
28540 	You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
28543 You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
28547 	on fast-food game cards.
28552 	is to note that people have changed the main topic of conversation.
28553 	From mud slides to brush fires.
28556 	One of the processes whereby A acquires property for B.
28559 Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
28561 Lack of money is the root of all evil.
28565 	1. Never be first.
28566 	2. Never be last.
28567 	3. Never volunteer for anything.
28571 	one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
28574 La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah.
28579 To tell you of something I know nothing about.
28582 Women's Club which is strictly for Men.
28584 Pull up a chair, and sit on the floor.
28588 Stood sitting in the grass.
28590 Two dead men got up to fight.
28594 Drew their swords and shot each other.
28596 Came and arrested those two dead boys.
28599 boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys.  That's
28600 the hardest shot for the well endowed.  "I've got to hit over them or
28602 to me.  Not having much in my bra, I found it hard to sympathize with
28603 her.
28612 Never loved another one...
28616 Lady Luck brings added income today.
28617 Lady friend takes it away tonight.
28620 	"Winston, if you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."
28622 	"Nancy, if you were my wife, I'd drink it."
28625 disguise she would recommend for him.  She replied, "Why don't you come
28626 sober, Mr. Prime Minister?"
28629 luncheon at which cold fried chicken was served.  Returning for a second
28631 	"Mr. Churchill," replied the hostess, "in this country we ask for
28632 white meat or dark meat."  Churchill apologized profusely.
28634 her guest of honor.  The accompanying card read: "I would be most obliged if
28635 you would pin this on your white meat."
28644 Have been put into rhyme.
28647 Laetrile is the pits.
28650 each acts like a vulture, all will end as doves.
28652 Lake Erie died for your sins.
28656 Lamonte Cranston once hired a new Chinese manservant.  While describing his
28658 table and warned him that he was not to take any.  Some days later, the new
28660 of the candy.  Just than, Cranston walked in, spied the manservant at the
28664 Language is a virus from another planet.
28667 Lank: Here we go.  We're about to set a new record.
28669 Lank: We've done it.  Earl has set a new record.  Turned down by
28670       20,000 women.
28674 [Vietnamese] elections ... really honest elections, this time.  "Oh, sure,
28676 he winked, drove his elbow into Lansdale's arm and slapped his own knee.
28677 		-- Richard Nixon, quoted in "Sideshow" by W. Shawcross
28680 performance can be tolerated only in race horses and women.
28684 	By April 1970 Mrs. Miriam Hargrave had failed her test thirty-nine
28685 times.  In the eight preceding years she had received two hundred and
28686 twelve driving lessons at a cost of L300.  She set the new record while
28688 Yorkshire.  Disappointingly, she passed at the fortieth attempt (3 August
28690 reported as saying that she still didn't like doing right-hand turns.
28694 	All laws are basically false.
28697 	Failed death ray.
28699 Last guys don't finish nice.
28703 the pillow was gone.
28707 A little man who wasn't there.
28708 He wasn't there again today.
28711 Last night the power went out.  Good thing my camera had a flash....
28712 The neighbors thought it was lightning in my house, so they called the cops.
28715 Last week a cop stopped me in my car.  He asked me if I had a police record.
28716 I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album.    Cops have no sense of humor.
28718 Last week's pet, this week's special.
28720 Last year we drove across the country...  We switched on the driving...
28721 every half mile.  We had one cassette tape to listen to on the entire trip.
28722 I don't remember what it was.
28726 As dead as can be.
28728 And now it's killing me.
28730 Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
28732 Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
28734 Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
28736 Laugh at your problems:  everybody else does.
28738 Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
28740 Laughing at you is like drop kicking a wounded humming bird.
28742 Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
28746 	No child throws up in the bathroom.
28748 Lavish spending can be disastrous.
28749 Don't buy any lavishes for a while.
28752 force necessary in dealing with disorders when they arise.
28753 		-- Richard M. Nixon
28758 	area of misunderstanding.
28761 	Experiments should be reproducible.
28762 	They should all fail the same way.
28765 	Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
28769 	the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
28772 	An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
28776 	down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
28779 	You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
28782 	He who hesitates is lunch.
28785 	Only the lead dog gets a change of scenery.
28787 Law stands mute in the midst of arms.
28792 Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
28794 Laws are like sausages.  It's better not to see them being made.
28798 	1. Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
28799 	2. Any given program costs more and takes longer.
28800 	3. If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
28801 	4. If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
28802 	5. Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
28803 	6. The value of a program is proportional the weight of its output.
28804 	7. Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of
28805 		the programmer who must maintain it.
28808 	A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.
28812 	When the law is against you, argue the facts.
28813 	When the facts are against you, argue the law.
28814 	When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
28816 Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar.
28817 		-- S.J. Perelman
28819 Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".
28824 Is to keep the lightning out.
28828 And steal the bags to hold the crumbs.
28832 	approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
28835 	Marrying a pregnant woman.
28839 smaller -- and there are many more of them.
28842 Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make your own.
28844 Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
28846 Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
28848 Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
28853 	quicker you can do it.
28856 thought without learning is perilous.
28859 Leave no stone unturned.
28866 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
28870 	finger if you hold the hammer with both hands.
28872 Lemma:  All horses are the same color.
28875 	horses in that set are the same color.
28876 	Case n = k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses.  Pull one of these
28877 	horses out of the set, so that you have k horses.  Suppose that all
28878 	of these horses are the same color.  Now put back the horse that you
28879 	took out, and pull out a different one.  Suppose that all of the k
28880 	horses now in the set are the same color.  Then the set of k+1 horses
28881 	are all the same color.  We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all
28882 	horses are the same color.
28883 Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
28885 	Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs.  It
28887 	back.  4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a
28889 	infinity; therefore all horses have an infinite number of legs.
28891 	infinite number of legs.  Well, that would be a horse of a different
28892 	color; and by the Lemma, it doesn't exist.
28894 Lemmings don't grow older, they just die.
28896 Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
28898 Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast.
28900 LEO (Jul. 23 to Aug. 22)
28901 	Your presence, poise, charm and good looks won't even help you today.
28902 	Look over your shoulder; an ugly person may be following you.  Be on
28903 	your toes.  Brush your teeth.  Take Geritol.
28906 	You consider yourself a born leader.  Others think you are pushy.
28907 	Most Leo people are bullies.  You are vain and dislike honest
28908 	criticism.  Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo people are thieves.
28911 	Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore.  Your
28913 	a day coming you wouldn't believe.  As a matter of fact, if you can
28914 	laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.
28917 I didn't give up sex, I just gave up premature ejaculation.
28919 Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
28922 Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
28924 Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
28928 number.  Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and
28929 another number.
28933 Admit impediments.  Love is not love
28939 Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
28943 But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
28945 I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
28947 Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
28949 Let me take you a button-hole lower.
28952 Let me tell you who the actual "front-runners" are.  On one side, you have
28955 of the Republican Right.  For example, they had him make a speech oozing
28956 praise all over William Loeb, deceased publisher of the Manchester (N.H.)
28957 Union Leader and Slime Journalist.  Loeb had dumped viciously all over George
28958 in the 1980 New Hampshire primary.  But when the Right held a big tribute
28960 around his neck.
28963 Let no guilty man escape.
28964 		-- U.S. Grant
28966 Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
28968 Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
28969 		-- Ovid (43 B.C. - A.D. 18)
28971 Let sleeping dogs lie.
28974 Let the machine do the dirty work.
28977 Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them.
28980 Let the people think they govern and they will be governed.
28984 they can. I'm sick of the job.  It's a thankless one and full of grief.
28987 Let thy maid servant be faithful, strong, and homely.
28992 like a smear of mustard on an old pork pie.
28994 "Nice poem Tom.  I have ideas for changes though, why not come over?"
29003 To lead you to an overwhelming question...
29005 		-- T.S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock"
29011 You first.
29014 but let us never fear to negotiate.
29015 		-- John F. Kennedy
29018 in fear, but around us in awareness.
29021 Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
29025 Perhaps they are.
29028 Let your conscience be your guide.
29031 L'etat c'est moi.
29032 [The state, that's me.]
29035 Let's do it.
29039 effort to ever see each other again.
29041 Let's just say that where a change was required, I adjusted.  In every
29042 relationship that exists, people have to seek a way to survive.  If you
29043 really care about the person, you do what's necessary, or that's the end.
29045 I most admired in myself I gave up.  I stopped being loud and bossy...
29046 Oh, all right.  I was still loud and bossy, but only behind his back."
29052 and delicate pain.
29056 by trying to communicate with each other.
29058 Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
29060 Let's remind ourselves that last year's fresh idea is today's cliche.
29065 Anguish.  You would sue:
29070   in there".
29073   cretin like yourself.
29077   a large cash settlement anyway.
29082 	about them, they always hope their mother doesn't find out.
29084 Leveraging always beats prototyping.
29088 	chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
29090 L'hazard ne favorise que l'esprit prepare.
29091 		-- L. Pasteur
29094 	A lawyer with a roving commission.
29096 Liar: one who tells an unpleasant truth.
29100 	Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
29103 trouble.  Conservatives are better.  They never run out on you.
29106 Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
29109 LIBRA (Sep. 23 to Oct. 22)
29111 	for filthy lucre and a decent meal.  Be gracious and polite.  Someone
29112 	is watching you, so stop staring like that.
29117 	unfortunately you won't be one of them.  Consider not getting out
29118 	of bed today.
29122 	but the only one discovered to date.
29125 	Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
29128 Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter, cuz nobody listens.
29134 	A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
29137 	Learning about people the hard way -- by being one.
29140 	That brief interlude between nothingness and eternity.
29142 Life -- Love It or Leave It.
29144 Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.
29147 Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
29150 Life can be so tragic -- you're here today and here tomorrow.
29152 Life does not begin at the moment of conception or the moment of birth.
29153 It begins when the kids leave home and the dog dies.
29155 Life exists for no known purpose.
29160 system, institute complete automation and destroy the male sex.
29165 round container filled with little red fruits on sticks.
29167 Life is a concentration camp.  You're stuck here and there's no way
29168 out and you can only rage impotently against your persecutors.
29171 Life is a gamble at terrible odds, if it was a bet you wouldn't take it.
29174 Life is a game.  In order to have a game, something has to be more
29175 important than something else.  If what already is, is more important
29176 than what isn't, the game is over.  So, life is a game in which what
29177 isn't, is more important than what is.  Let the good times roll.
29180 Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
29185 And I am Marie of Roumania.
29188 Life is a grand adventure -- or it is nothing.
29191 Life is a healthy respect for mother nature laced with greed.
29194 change his bed.
29197 Life is a series of rude awakenings.
29198 		-- R.V. Winkle
29201 humane person would wantonly inflict on someone else.
29204 Life is a sexually transferred disease with 100% mortality.
29206 Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
29209 exciting when it is lived for others.
29211 Life is both difficult and time consuming.
29213 Life is cheap, but the accessories can kill you.
29215 Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
29217 Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
29220 Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
29224 Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line.
29226 Life is like a 10 speed bicycle.  Most of us have gears we never use.
29227 		-- C. Schultz
29229 "Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
29231 Life is like a diaper - short and loaded.
29233 Life is like a sewer.
29234 What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
29237 Life is like a tin of sardines.
29238 We're, all of us, looking for the key.
29242 you can lick it, but it still won't go away.
29245 one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
29249 layer and then you find there is nothing in it.
29254 being unexpectedly called away before you find out how it ends.
29256 Life is like bein' on a mule team.  Unless you're
29257 the lead mule, all the scenery looks about the same.
29259 Life is not for everyone.
29261 Life is one long struggle in the dark.
29264 Life is the childhood of our immortality.
29268 Death is the living you don't do.
29271 Life is the urge to ecstasy.
29273 Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
29275 Life is too short to be taken seriously.
29276 		-- O. Wilde
29278 Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
29281 Life is wasted on the living.
29282 		-- The Restaurant at the Edge of the Universe.
29284 Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
29287 Life, like beer, is merely borrowed.
29291 it may have a meaning of which you disapprove.
29293 Life only demands from you the strength you possess.
29294 Only one feat is possible -- not to have run away.
29297 Life Sucks.  Cynical, misanthropic male, 34, looking for soul mate but
29298 certain not to find her.  Drop me a note.  I'll call you, we'll talk and
29300 afford in a feeble attempt to impress you.  Then we'll realize we have
29302 embittered and depressed than before (if such a thing is possible).
29304 Life sucks, but death doesn't put out at all.
29305 		-- Thomas J. Kopp
29307 Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
29310 Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
29313 Life would be tolerable but for its amusements.
29314 		-- G.B. Shaw
29316 Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
29323 Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
29325 Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us.
29326 Sing a song full of the hope that the present has bought us.
29328 Let us march on till victory is won.
29334 And take it easy.
29339 	maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.
29342 	When being alive at the same time is a wonderful coincidence.
29345 the difference between one young woman and another.
29354 right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
29358 see her little dog Pritzi again.
29363 was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
29366 Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest.  The contest is
29368 night."  The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
29369 worst possible novel.
29374 To throw in my hand for a new set of cards.
29379 I knew then I had lost what should have been found.
29382 	You know I'm cold as a hired sword.
29386 		a bullet in the gun of Robert Ford.
29398 		   attributed to Rabbi Hillel.)
29400 Like my parents, I have never been a regular church member or churchgoer.
29403 His precepts -- there is just too much misery and cruelty for that.  On the
29405 religions.
29408 Like punning, programming is a play on words.
29411 a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
29412 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
29415 for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem.
29418 Like the time I ran away...
29419 And turned around and you were standing close to me.
29422 Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
29428 rid of stupid and square attitudes and having fun.
29432 place in the Scheme of Things.  Here are just a few:
29435 	A -- Definitely.  I speak from personal experience here.  On New
29440 headache.  Thanks to the miracle of modern orange juice, I was brought back
29441 to life several days later, but in the interim I was definitely dead.  I
29443 as you keep the television turned down and don't try to eat any solid foods.
29447 wins few friends, Germans excepted.
29451 Their topics run chiefly to sex.
29454 And other erotic effects.
29457 Euclid repeatedly, heatedly, urged.
29460 in it he found that the damned things diverged.
29463 Linus:	Hi!  I thought it was you.
29464 	I've been watching you from way off...  You're looking great!
29465 Snoopy:	That's nice to know.
29466 	The secret of life is to look good at a distance.
29468 Linus:	I guess it's wrong always to be worrying about tomorrow.
29469 	Maybe we should think only about today.
29471 	No, that's giving up.  I'm still hoping that yesterday
29472 	will get better.
29475 	There is no heavier burden than a great potential.
29479 A beast caged in the heart of the city.
29481 He fled the town.
29484 Back there, over his shoulder.
29486 A strange creature groaning beside him.
29487 Sweat oozed from its shiny skin.
29488 Is everybody in?  The ceremony is about to begin.
29492 	To call a spade a thpade.
29495 Lisp Machine is Fun.
29497 Fun for everyone.
29500 Due to the holiday next Monday, there will be no garbage collection.
29503 the right thing to do.  Now, it is not only necessary to do the right thing,
29505 right thing to do and what is the right way to do it.  That is the problem.
29507 bias or the pronouncements of any particular individual, even to the President.
29512 a panacea so alleged.
29513 		-- D.D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the government
29517 Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children.
29518 Life is the other way around.
29522 is the other way round.
29525 Littering is dumb.
29531 Has brush'd away.		And the want
29537 				Or if I die.
29542 Shall brush my wing.
29545 Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
29549 sophisticated computer network!  It was a Tolkein Ring...
29552 	Did you know... that if you dial 911 in Los Angeles you get
29563 Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse.
29566 Live from New York ... It's Saturday Night!
29568 Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
29571 published around the world -- even if what is published is not true.
29574 Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
29577 Living here in Rio, I have lots of coffees to choose from.  And when
29578 you're on the lam like me, you appreciate a good cup of coffee.
29581 Living in California is like living in a bowl of granola.
29582 What ain't flakes and nuts is fruits.
29584 Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola.
29585 What ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.
29588 to want things that nobody else wants.
29592 like having bees live in your head.  But, there they are.
29595 includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
29598 	A task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
29605 Lo!  Men have become the tool of their tools.
29611 proper method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
29612 guilt is to establish theirs by putting them on trial before they're cooked.
29614 floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the lobster
29618 apparatus you call a memory!"  The lobster will squirm noticeably.  It may
29619 even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.  Incorrigible.  Pop it into
29620 the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly you and your friends will
29621 be, too.
29627   method of preparing them.  Frankly, the easiest way to eliminate your
29629   cooked.  The fact is, lobsters are among the most ferocious predators on
29630   the sea floor, and you're helping reduce crime in the reefs.  Grasp the
29635   squirm noticeably.  It may even take a swipe at you with one of its claws.
29636   Incorrigible.  Pop it into the pot.  Justice has been served, and shortly
29637   you and your friends will be, too.
29643 	aren't one in a million, but once would be enough.
29645 Logic doesn't apply to the real world.
29648 Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
29650 Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.
29653 to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
29658 As rational the human kind.
29660 But let them prove it if they can.
29666 "The Other Side."
29669 turn your TRS-80 into an electronic Ouija board.  Then, using Logo's
29671 side of the Great Beyond to write programs.  The software requires that
29673 interfaced to your computer.  A special terminal (very terminal) program
29675 Bulletin Board System).
29678 from NecroSoft inc., 6502 Charnelhouse Blvd., Cleveland, OH 44101.
29681 Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
29683 Lonely is a man without love.
29686 Lonely men seek companionship.
29687 Lonely women sit at home and wait. They never meet.
29699 be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum.
29700 The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young.
29701 		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe"
29703 Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
29705 Long life is in store for you.
29712 Look!  Before our very eyes, the future is becoming the past.
29714 Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
29718 home "Cuddles", so you're going out to buy a canned ham.
29723 forget $26,000 of college education.
29726 Look before you leap.
29729 Look ere ye leap.
29735 con-men.  That's the way businesses get started.  That's the way this
29736 country was built.
29739 Lookie, lookie, here comes cookie...
29742 Loose bits sink chips.
29744 Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
29753 Lost: gray and white female cat.
29754 Answers to electric can opener.
29756 Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
29758 Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
29761 Lots of girls can be had for a song.
29762 Unfortunately, it often turns out to be the wedding march.
29801 	I'll let you play with my life if you'll let me play with yours.
29804 	Love ties in a knot in the end of the rope.
29808 	and happiness, you'd skip happiness in a heartbeat.
29811 	When it's growing, you don't mind watering it with a few tears.
29815 	because you're very sensitive to pleasure.
29818 	When you like to think of someone on days that begin with a morning.
29820 Love -- the last of the serious diseases of childhood.
29822 Love ain't nothin' but sex misspelled.
29824 Love America - or give it back.
29826 Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
29829 labor-saving devices the world has ever seen.
29831 Love conquers all things; let us too surrender to love.
29834 Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
29835 Love isn't love 'til you give it away.
29838 Love is a grave mental disease.
29841 Love is a slippery eel that bites like hell.
29845 over, pinning you underneath.  At night the ice weasels come.
29849 Hate is a word that is not.
29850 Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
29851 Love, I have read, is hot.
29853 And Love but a drug on the mart.
29855 But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
29858 Love is always open arms.  With arms open you allow love to come and
29859 go as it wills, freely, for it will do so anyway.  If you close your
29860 arms about love you'll find you are left only holding yourself.
29863 real with the ideal never goes unpunished.
29866 Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
29867 		-- Dr. Karl Bowman
29869 Love is being stupid together.
29872 Love is dope, not chicken soup.  I mean, love is something to be passed
29874 Jewish mother who cooked it all by herself.
29876 Love is in the offing.
29879 Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
29881 Love is like a friendship caught on fire.  In the beginning a flame, very
29882 pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering.  As love
29884 and unquenchable.
29887 Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.
29888 		-- Jerome K. Jerome
29892 Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
29894 Love is sentimental measles.
29896 Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
29899 raises some pretty good questions.
29902 Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
29903 		-- H.L. Mencken
29905 Love is the desire to prostitute oneself.  There is, indeed, no exalted
29906 pleasure that cannot be related to prostitution.
29909 Love is the only game that is not called on account of darkness.
29910 		-- M. Hirschfield
29912 Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.
29915 Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
29916 		-- H.L. Mencken
29918 Love IS what it's cracked up to be.
29920 Love is what you've been through with somebody.
29923 Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
29925 Love makes fools, marriage cuckolds, and patriotism malevolent imbeciles.
29929 momentum.
29931 Love may laugh at locksmiths, but he has a profound respect for money bags.
29934 Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
29936 Love means never having to say you're sorry.
29939 That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
29942 Love means nothing to a tennis player.
29944 Love tells us many things that are not so.
29947 Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
29949 Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
29952 Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
29955 Mousies I love to eat.
29957 Nibble at they tiny feet.
29961 Mousies what I love to eat.
29963 Nibble on they tiny feet.
29967 Mousies what I love to eat.
29974 	that was taken from me-and the way of it afficts me still.
29977 	that, as you see, it does not leave me even now.
29978 Love brought us to one death.
29979 		-- La Divina Commedia: Inferno V, vv. 100-06
29982 trying to figure out what you're up to.
29984 Love your neighbour, yet don't pull down your hedge.
29988 	If it jams -- force it.  If it
29989 	breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
29991 LSD melts in your mind, not in your hand.
29994 	There's always one more bug.
29997 British automotive electrical systems.  Professionals call the company "The
29998 Prince of Darkness".  Of course, if Lucas were to design and manufacture
29999 nuclear weapons, World War III would never get off the ground.  The British
30000 don't like warm beer any more than the Americans do.  The British drink warm
30001 beer because they have Lucas refrigerators.
30003 Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young.
30006 Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet.
30007 		-- P.E. Trudeau
30011 	lighter -- both of which work.
30013 Lucky is he for whom the belle toils.
30015 Lucy:	Dance, dance, dance.  That is all you ever do.
30022 Luke, I'm yer father, eh.  Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
30026 	The place where optimism most flourishes.
30028 Lying is an indispensable part of making life tolerable.
30031 Lysistrata had a good idea.
30035 MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator?  Never heard of that.
30037 "Mach was the greatest intellectual fraud in the last ten years."
30039 "I said `intellectual'."
30043 	A program that will not run on any machine.
30045 Machines have less problems.  I'd like to be a machine.
30049 repairman arrives.
30051 macho, adj.:
30052 	Jogging home from your vasectomy.
30054 Macho does not prove mucho.
30058 	Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
30061 if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
30062 		-- W.C. Fields
30067 Madness takes its toll.
30072 	the cutting, and the public's services are cut.
30074 Magic is always the best solution -- especially reliable magic.
30076 Magnet, n.:  Something acted upon by magnetism.
30078 Magnetism, n.:  Something acting upon a magnet.
30082 great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.
30085 	Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts.
30090 	carts.
30095 	to someone that it might be taught to talk.
30096 		-- A. Bierce
30099 	A girl who never had the sense to say "uncle."
30103 	views that madden to crime.  The genus has a wide geographical
30104 	distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found.
30109 	canary -- which, also, is more portable.
30112 	A member of the unconsidered, or negligible sex.  The male of the
30113 	human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man.  The genus
30114 	has two varieties:  good providers and bad providers.
30118 	If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
30119 		-- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960
30122 	1.  The bigger the theory, the better.
30123 	2.  The experiment may be considered a success if no more than
30125 	    obtain a correspondence with the theory.
30128 	For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
30131 	If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
30133 Maj. Bloodnok:	Seagoon, you're a coward!
30134 Seagoon:	Only in the holiday season.
30135 Maj. Bloodnok:	Ah, another Noel Coward!
30138 	Sixty men can do sixty times as much work as one man.
30140 	A man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds.
30142 	Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
30148 Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
30152 	That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
30154 Make a wish, it might come true.
30156 Make headway at work.  Continue to let things deteriorate at home.
30158 Make it right before you make it faster.
30160 Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.
30163 Make sure your code does nothing gracefully.
30165 Make war not sex.  (It's safer.)
30167 Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system.  Therefore, users
30168 tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space.  It has
30170 message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
30171 		-- System V.2 administrator's guide
30174 	Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
30177 	The reason surgeons wear masks.
30181 	is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief
30184 	the whole habitable earth and Canada.
30185 		-- A. Bierce
30187 Man and wife make one fool.
30189 Man belongs wherever he wants to go.
30195 time.  But, conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were
30196 far more intelligent than man -- for precisely the same reasons.
30197 		-- D. Adams, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
30199 Man has made his bedlam; let him lie in it.
30202 Man has never reconciled himself to the ten commandments.
30204 Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
30208 Glories in gunpowder, and loves parade.
30209 		-- P.J. Bailey
30212 is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.
30216 no dog exchanges bones with another.
30219 Man is by nature a political animal.
30222 Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...
30223 and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
30226 Man is the measure of all things.
30229 Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
30233 with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
30238 difference between what things are and what they ought to be.
30241 Man must shape his tools lest they shape him.
30242 		-- Arthur R. Miller
30244 Man proposes, God disposes.
30248 unless it is an enemy.
30249 		-- A. Einstein
30252 will find he has been beaten to the punch.
30254 Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
30256 Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
30258 Man who sleep in beer keg wake up stickey.
30260 Man will never fly.
30261 Space travel is merely a dream.
30262 All aspirin is alike.
30265 Reply:		Mice have four feet.
30267 R:	Mice have five appendages, and four of them are feet.
30269 R:	Mice have five appendages; four of them are feet; one is a tail.
30271 R:	Mice have four legs, four feet, and one tail per unit-mouse.
30273 R:	Mice have four leg-foot assemblies and one tail assembly per body.
30275 R:	Each mouse comes equipped with four legs and a tail.  Each leg
30277 	is not equipped with a foot.
30278 M:	Descriptive?  Yes.  Forceful NO!
30280 	one tail.  Deviation from this policy is not permitted as it would
30281 	constitute misapportionment of scarce appendage assets.
30284 	integrally with the overall mouse structural sub-system.  Also
30286 	ornamental in nature.
30287 M:	Too verbose/scientific.  Answer the question!
30288 R:	Mice have four feet.
30291 	The art of getting other people to do all the work.
30294 	A man known for giving great meeting.
30297 	A sexist, obsolete measure of macho effort, equal to 60 Kiplings.
30300 	Easy glum, easy glow.
30302 Mankind is poised midway between the gods and the beasts.
30307 	with confidence.
30309 Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
30314 conflict between the desire to stand out and the need to blend in.
30315 		-- Sydney J. Harris
30318 	A unit of documentation.  There are always three or more on a given
30319 	item.  One is on the shelf; someone has the others.  The information
30320 	you need in in the others.
30323 Many a bum show has been saved by the flag.
30324 		-- George M. Cohan
30326 Many a family tree needs trimming.
30328 Many a long dispute between divines may thus be abridged: It is so.  It
30329 is not so.  It is so.  It is not so.
30333 get a respectful hearing when age has further impaired his mind.
30337 can easily support two or more.
30340 except when he can't understand his own meaning.
30341 		-- George D. Prentice
30343 Many are called, few are chosen.
30344 Fewer still get to do the choosing.
30346 Many are called, few volunteer.
30348 Many are cold, but few are frozen.
30350 Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
30355 their data processing systems.
30356 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
30358 Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher.  The butcher is
30360 weeks.  He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists,
30362 he thinks about his dog.  The dog is named Herbert.
30365 Many hands make light work.
30368 Many husbands go broke on the money their wives save on sales.
30370 Many mental processes admit of being roughly measured.  For instance,
30372 fidgets. I not infrequently tried this method at the meetings of the
30374 read.  [...]  The use of a watch attracts attention, so I reckon time
30375 by the number of my breathings, of which there are 15 in a minute.  They
30377 successively.  The counting is reserved for the fidgets.  These observations
30378 should be confined to persons of middle age.  Children are rarely still,
30379 while elderly philosophers will sometimes remain rigid for minutes altogether.
30383 tricks on me and treating me badly.
30387 life of crime after taking college Computer Science courses.
30390 Many pages make a thick book.
30393 very thin paper.
30396 which will recommend that they do what they want to do.
30398 Many people are secretly interested in life.
30400 Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
30402 Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
30405 them make you happy, they'll make you suffer.
30408 recognition for all the bad things they haven't done.
30410 Many people resent being treated like the person they really are.
30412 Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
30414 Many receive advice, few profit by it.
30420 completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday....
30432 And yet you will weep and know why.
30436 It is Margaret you mourn for.
30437 		-- Gerard Manley Hopkins.
30461 	* An upside-down blossom reverses the meaning.
30463 Marijuana is nature's way of saying, "Hi!".
30467 it in order to protect themselves.
30472 	that require a simple yes or no answer.
30477 	that love.  In short, commitment to an institution.
30480 	Convertible bonds.
30483 insincerity possible between two human beings.
30486 Marriage causes dating problems.
30488 Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.
30491 Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
30494 not ready for an institution yet.
30498 surprised at the large number that re-enlist.
30501 Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
30504 engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
30508 to become one, and one undertakes to become nothing.
30512 in the brewery.
30515 Marriage is learning about women the hard way.
30518 chopsticks.  It looks easy until you try it.
30520 Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
30524 burden of finding the fettuccine restaurant in the first place.
30527 Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
30531 kind of man your wife would have preferred.
30533 Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.
30536 	The evil aye.
30538 Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on earth.
30541 Marry in haste and everyone starts counting the months.
30544 connected by a thin strand.
30546 Come on, Marta, grow up.
30547 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
30551 territory from invasion by another group."
30553 "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh.  Girls are funny.
30554 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
30556 Martin was probably ripping them off.  That's some family, isn't it?
30557 Incest, prostitution, fanaticism, software.
30560 'Martyrdom' is the only way a person can become famous without ability.
30569 grasshopper.  Did you know they've named a drink after you?"
30570 	"Really?" replied the grasshopper, obviously pleased.  "They've
30574 	Shortages will be divided equally among the peasants.
30577 And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.
30578 It followed her through rain or snow, lightning, sleet or hail.
30579 It fetched the evening paper, her slippers, and the mail.
30581 And on her feet its head would rest, while she ate her meals.
30582 It followed her to school one day, the devotion never ended.
30583 The lamb waltzed into her history class and Mary got suspended.
30585 Until she heard a mournful "Baaa" coming from her car's seat.
30586 Oh, Mary had a little lamb, it surely didn't please her.
30587 So for dinner she had lambchops; the rest is in the freezer.
30591 	You can always find what you're not looking for.
30595 	you treat everything like a nail.
30598 The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
30600 Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
30602 Masturbation is the thinking man's television.
30608 Mater artium necessitas.
30609 	[Necessity is the mother of invention].
30611 Maternity pay?	Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
30615 	Please, don't drink and derive.
30622 Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated.
30623 		-- R. Drabek
30626 	Some one who believes imaginary things appear right before your i's.
30630 entirely different.
30634 into their own language, and forthwith it is something entirely different.
30637 Mathematicians practice absolute freedom.
30640 Mathematicians take it to the limit.
30643 to each other without consideration of their relation to experience.
30647 one is talking about nor whether what is said is true.
30654 greatest art can show.  The true spirit of delight, the exaltation, the sense
30656 to be found in mathematics as surely as in poetry.
30659 Matrimony is the root of all evil.
30661 Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
30664 nor can it be returned without a receipt.
30666 Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
30670 more and more that there is something which cannot be understood.
30671 		-- S. Kierkegaard
30673 Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
30677 	A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30680 versions of songs from The Wizard of Oz.
30684 May all your PUSHes be POPped.
30686 May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits.
30688 May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
30690 May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
30694 he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping.
30696 May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
30698 May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
30700 May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
30704 and a smooth road all the way to your door.
30706 May you live in uninteresting times.
30709 May your camel be as swift as the wind.
30711 May your SO always know when you need a hug.
30714 Mouth with the Force of a Thousand Caramels.
30717 lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well.
30720 Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology.
30721 		-- R.S. Barton
30724 earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
30727 "Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
30729 "Maybe we should think of this as one perfect week... where we found each
30730 other, and loved each other... and then let each other go before anyone
30731 had to seek professional help."
30734 these days you can certainly charge it.
30738 	of control.  (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)
30740 McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
30744 	don't be the first to lie down and rest.
30748 	have happened to everyone you know, only more so.
30752 just like everyone else.
30755 Fulle few too many drincce, hie luccen for fyht.
30757 AEsccen aewful jeork to steop outsyd.
30760 Wicced Godsylla waeld on his asse.
30761 Monstaer moppe fleor wy[p] eallum men in haelle.
30765 Sond feorth to fyht [d]e grimlic foe.
30766 "Me," Godsylla saed, "mac [d]e minsemete."
30768 Ond flyng him lic frisbe bac to fen.
30770 Saed, "Ne foe beaten mie faersom cung-fu."
30771 Eorderen cocca-colha yce-coeld, [d]e reol [p]yng.
30774 has made voodoo boxen of her and her favorite backplanes. On this fine
30776 magnets over, and surging these voodoo boxen.  Fortunately, they seem to
30778 get to go home.  However, she has made note to quickly put together a totem
30781 hang above the machine room.  This totem must be blessed by the old and wise
30783 bus drive him to bitter revenge.  Alas, if this fails, and the voodoo boxen
30784 aren't destroyed,  there may be more than worms in the apple. Next, the
30787 to mouth...
30789 Measure twice, cut once.
30791 Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
30793 Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.
30796 Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.
30803 	problem.
30807 	department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
30810 	A place where minutes are kept and hours are lost.
30814 in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
30820 	who receives it.
30822 MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me.  I
30824 drive and drive.
30826 I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some bees there. The
30828 played.  I remember a bigger, older guy whom we called "Dad."  We'd eat
30829 some stuff or not and then I think we went home.
30831 I guess some things never leave you.
30832 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
30836 Memory fault -- core...uh...um...core... Oh dammit, I forget!
30840 Memory should be the starting point of the present.
30842 Men are always ready to respect anything that bores them.
30846 hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts for them is easy.  But you should
30847 never buy them clothes.  Men believe they already have all the clothes they
30848 will ever need, and new ones make them nervous.  For example, your average
30849 man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only three of them.  He has learned,
30852 tie with that suit, are you?").  So he has narrowed it down to three safe
30853 ties, and has gone several years without being laughed at.  If you give him
30854 a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you.
30855 	If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires.  More
30857 of tires.
30860 Men are superior to women.
30863 Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.
30866 Men aren't attracted to me by my mind.
30867 They're attracted by what I don't mind...
30870 Men freely believe that what they wish to desire.
30874 thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
30875 		-- H.L. Mencken
30878 rights as women have of their wrongs.
30879 		-- E.W. Howe
30881 Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food.
30883 Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
30885 Men never make passes at girls wearing glasses.
30889 pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
30892 Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active.
30895 Men of quality are not afraid of women for equality.
30898 at least a science -- an unfounded assumption very convenient to governments.
30902 and tears.  ...  It is the same thing which makes us mad or delirious,
30905 and acts that are contrary to habit...
30908 Men say of women what pleases them; women do with men what pleases them.
30911 Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
30913 Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
30915 Men take only their needs into consideration -- never their abilities.
30919 and speech only to conceal their thoughts.
30923 from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
30925 before.  Thus was the Empire forged.
30929 respect are seldom popular with them.
30933 	All the postmasters in small towns read all the postcards.
30937 	amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.
30940 	The worst actress in the company is always the manager's wife.
30945 	can ever hope to acquire it.
30947 Mene, mene, tekel, upharsen.
30951 favor of smart solutions to stupid problems.
30955 senses are vain and bring forth no truth except detrimental.
30959 	A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
30963 	do it over.
30965 Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ...
30967 Message will arrive in the mail.
30968 Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
30972 	bound to rain if you forget your umbrella.
30974 Metermaids eat their young.
30976 Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
30979 	Thinker toys.
30982 	Never trust a computer bigger than you can lift.
30986 Microwaves frizz your heir.
30990 Might as well be frank, monsieur.  It would take a miracle to
30991 get you out of Casablanca and the Germans have outlawed miracles.
30995 	If a string has one end, then it has another end.
30997 Militant agnostic: I don't know, and you don't either.
30999 Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
31002 Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
31006 	Lose a few, lose a few.
31009 	The amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
31012 to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
31016 almost always the choice of the lesser evil.  "Tweedledum and Tweedledee,"
31017 they say.  "I will not vote."  Having abstained, they are presented with a
31019 lives for the next four years.  Consider all the people who sat home in a
31020 stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey.  They showed Humphrey.
31023 the gold and the black.
31027 particularly dead about a door-nail.  I might have been inclined, myself,
31028 to regard a coffin-nail as the deadest piece of ironmongery in the trade.
31030 shall not disturb it, or the Country's done for.  You will therefore permit
31031 me to repeat, emphatically, that Marley was as dead as a door-nail.
31039 Mind your own business, Spock.
31040 I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
31042 Mind your own business, then you don't mind mine.
31046 	manager.
31049 	home of the blonde hair and blue ears.
31050 	mosquito supplier to the free world.
31051 	come fall in love with a loon.
31052 	where visitors turn blue with envy.
31053 	one day it's warm, the rest of the year it's cold.
31054 	land of many cultures -- mostly throat.
31055 	where the elite meet sleet.
31056 	glove it or leave it.
31057 	many are cold, but few are frozen.
31058 	land of the ski and home of the crazed.
31059 	land of 10,000 Petersons.
31061 Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
31066 Mirrors should reflect a little before throwing back images.
31069 Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
31071 Misery no longer loves company.
31072 Nowadays it insists on it.
31076 	The kind of fortune that never misses.
31078 Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
31082 	women to indicate that they are in the market.
31084 Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to utter failure.
31086 Mistrust first impulses; they are always right.
31093 	if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
31097 	if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.
31101 it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.
31105 	Watching a bus-load of lawyers plunge off a cliff.
31106 	With five empty seats.
31109 	There is nothing more permanent than a temporary building.
31110 	There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax.
31112 Mobius strippers never show you their back side.
31122 Roll out bottom crust of pastry and fit into 9-inch pie plate.  Break
31123 RITZ Crackers coarsley into pastry-lined plate.  Combine water, sugar
31124 and cream of tartar in saucepan, boil gently for 15 minutes.  Add lemon
31125 juice and rind.  Cool.  Pour this syrup over Crackers, dot generously
31126 with butter or margarine and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Cover with top
31127 crust.  Trim and flute edges together.  Cut slits in top crust to let
31128 steam escape.  Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust
31129 is crisp and golden.  Serve warm.  Cut into 6 to 8 slices.
31132 Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business.
31133 		-- P.J. Denning
31136 	Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie."  An
31137 	unfortunate byproduct of kerning.
31139 Moderation in all things.
31142 Moderation is a fatal thing.  Nothing succeeds like excess.
31146 themselves that they have a better idea.
31149 Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
31153 other.  There is no separate soul or lifeforce to stick a finger into the
31154 brain now and then and make neural cells do what they would not otherwise.
31155 Actually, of course, this is a working assumption only. ... It is quite
31156 conceivable that someday the assumption will have to be rejected.  But it
31158 assumption is a necessary one and there is no real evidence opposed to it.
31159 Our failure to solve a problem so far does not make it insoluble.  One cannot
31160 logically be a determinist in physics and biology, and a mystic in psychology.
31161 		-- D.O. Hebb, "Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological
31165 	Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
31167 Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue.
31168 		-- J.K. Galbraith
31171 	not to be aware of it.
31175 Joe:	I can't. It's the kids' night out.
31177 Joe:	I gotta stay home with the nurse.
31180 Joe:	The usual gift -- she ate my heart out.
31182 Moebius always does it on the same side.
31184 Mohandas K. Gandhi often changed his mind publicly.  An aide once asked him
31185 how he could so freely contradict this week what he had said just last week.
31186 The great man replied that it was because this week he knew better.
31189 in his socks, was taking his first airplane trip. He took a seat next to a
31191 the world.  Little Moishe was uneasy enough before he even entered the plane,
31192 but now the roar of the engines and the great height absolutely terrified him.
31194 over the muscular giant siting beside him.  Fortunately, at least for Moishe,
31195 the man was sound asleep.  But now the little man had another problem.  How in
31198 woke the bruiser, and Moishe, his heart in his mouth, rose to the occasion.
31199 	"Feeling better now?" he asked solicitously.
31202 	The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter.  It is distinguished from
31205 	of matter...  The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and
31206 	the atom in that it is an ion...
31210 	and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.
31213 	What you give a person when they are going away.
31219 	hospital, your underwear won't be clean or new.
31222 	In Christian countries, the day after the football game.
31225 Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
31228 things we have.
31231 Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
31235 but is excellent kindling.
31240 A man who's untrue to his wife.
31241 		-- W.H. Auden, "Collected Shorter Poems"
31244 awfully comfortable while you're being miserable.
31245 		-- C.B. Luce
31247 Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.
31250 Money doesn't talk, it swears.
31253 Money is a powerful aphrodisiac.  But flowers work almost as well.
31256 Money is its own reward.
31258 Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
31260 Money is the root of all wealth.
31262 Money is truthful.  If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
31265 Money isn't everything -- but it's a long way ahead of what comes next.
31268 Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
31271 puts you in a great bargaining position.
31274 the most eloquent lover can in years.
31276 Moneyliness is next to Godliness.
31279 Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.
31280 		-- H.H. Munro
31283 	Marriage to one woman at a time.
31286 	A grizzly bear praying for the early arrival of cable television.
31289 	Where forty-three below keeps out the riff-raff.
31291 Monterey... is decidedly the pleasantest and most civilized-looking place
31292 in California ... [it] is also a great place for cock-fighting, gambling
31293 of all sorts, fandangos, and various kinds of amusements and knavery.
31297 	1. A celestial object whose phase is very important to
31298 hackers.  See PHASE OF THE MOON.  2. Dave Moon (MOON@MC).
31302 	does something, but no one does what he sets out to do.
31305 	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
31308 	Fear of being verbally abused by a Mississippian.
31310 More are taken in by hope than by cunning.
31313 More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice.
31314 		-- R.S. Surtees
31316 More people died at Chappaquidick than at 3-mile island.
31318 More people have died in Ted Kennedy's car than in nuclear power plants.
31322 night.  The match started with a long period of silence while the Freudians
31324 the Freudians to say something they could paraphrase.  The stalemate was
31326 the Rogerians' silence as reflecting their anal-retentive personalities.
31328 full of ka-ka."  This started a fight and the match was called by officials.
31330 More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads.  One path
31331 leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
31332 Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
31336 religious man, had begun to visit the local synagogue to ask God's help.
31338 man all my life.  Would it be so terrible if You let me win the lottery
31340 	The despondent fellow returned week after week.  One day, Morris,
31341 nearly hopeless now, prayed, "God, I've never asked You for anything before.
31342 I just want to win one little lottery."
31344 least meet Me halfway on this.  Buy a ticket!"
31347 	If rats are experimented upon, they will develop cancer.
31350 wretched collection of villainy and disreputable types...
31354 	Don't worry if it doesn't work right.
31355 	If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
31358 	The state bird of New Jersey.
31360 Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
31363 	'cause they like to see the shining sun.
31365 	off and a-running till they're too tired for having fun.
31367 	and the bright lights shine, my daytime has just begun.
31370 	and one of them is always night.
31372 	I guess you're gonna be all right.
31373 Don't come looking for me to lend you a hand.
31374 	My eyes just can't stand the light.
31376 'Cause I'm a night owl honey, sleep all day long.
31379 Most general statements are false, including this one.
31383 either to ourselves or to someone else.
31386 difficulties before we get to them.
31387 		-- Dr. Frank Crane
31389 ...most of us learned about love the hard way.  Even warnings are probably
31394 which some of them never recovered during their entire lives.  And I am not
31396 of every age in every city in every year.  The notorious sexual revolution
31397 has saved no one from the pain and confusion of love.
31400 Most of your faults are not your fault.
31402 Most people are too busy to have time for anything important.
31407 moon.
31408 		-- H.L. Mencken
31410 Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries.
31412 Most people deserve each other.
31416 nearly so much as they need a steady supply.
31418 Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market.
31419 		-- E.W. Howe
31421 Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion.
31424 only by the disinclination of others to listen.  Reserve is an artificial
31425 quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs.
31426 		-- W.S. Maugham
31428 Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only.
31431 a good reason, and the real reason.
31434 at best, reformed or potential lunatics.
31438 to help take their mind off some of the others.
31440 Most people prefer certainty to truth.
31443 or more of a chance to participate in it.
31446 if you'll consider their unacceptable offer.
31448 Most people's favorite way to end a game is by winning.
31450 Most public domain software is free, at least at first glance.
31453 can't talk for people who can't read.
31456 Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
31458 Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.
31462 	Half a word.
31467 there would be so many.
31470 would be so many.
31472 Mother told me to be good but she's been wrong before.
31475 don't want them to become politicians in the process.
31476 		-- John F. Kennedy
31479 Will find a Tiger will repay the trouble and expense.
31482 Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
31486 Mountain Dew and doughnuts...  because breakfast is the most important meal
31487 of the day.
31489 Mr. Cole's Axiom:
31491 	population is growing.
31493 Mr. Rockford?  This is Betty Joe Withers.  I got four shirts of yours from
31494 the Bo Peep Cleaners by mistake.  I don't know why they gave me men's
31495 shirts but they're going back.
31497 Mr. Rockford?  You don't know me, but I'd like to hire you.  Could
31498 you call me at...  My name is... uh...  Never mind, forget it!
31500 Mr. Rockford; Miss Collins from the Bureau of Licenses.  We got your
31501 renewal before the extended deadline but not your check.  I'm sorry but
31502 at midnight you're no longer licensed as an investigator.
31504 Mr. Rockford, this is the Thomas Crown School of Dance and Contemporary
31505 Etiquette.  We aren't going to call again!  Now you want these free
31508 Mr. Salter's side of the conversation was limited to expressions of assent.
31510 wrong, "Up to a point."
31513 	"Up to a point, Lord Copper."
31515 	"Definitely, Lord Copper."
31518 MSDOS is not dead, it just smells that way.
31522 is that we don't really know what we are doing.
31523 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
31525 Much to his Mum and Dad's dismay, Horace ate himself one day.
31526 He didn't stop to say his grace, he just sat down and ate his face.
31528 	be shared."
31530 First his legs and then his thighs, his arms, his nose, his hair, his eyes...
31532 But all too late, for they were gone, and he had started on his dong...
31535 Some parsley and and some tartar sauce..."
31536 But H. was on his second course: his liver and his lights and lung,
31539 His Mother cried: "What shall we do?  What's left won't even make a stew..."
31540 And as she wept, her son was seen, to eat his head, his heart his spleen.
31541 and there he lay: a boy no more, just a stomach on the floor...
31542 None the less, since it *was* his, they ate it -- that's what haggis is.
31544 Multics is security spelled sideways.
31546 "Multiply in your head" (ordered the compassionate Dr. Adams) "365,365,365,
31547 365,365,365 by 365,365,365,365,365,365".  He [ten-year-old Truman Henry
31553 as much fun to watch.
31554 		-- James R. Newman, "The World of Mathematics"
31557 	An Egyptian who was pressed for time.
31577 Mum's the word.
31580 Mundus vult decipi decipiatur ergo.
31583 [The world wants to be cheated, so cheat.]
31586 talk about after dinner.
31589 Murphy was an optimist.
31591 Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
31594 	Enough research will tend to support your theory.
31596 Murphy's Law, that brash proletarian restatement of Godel's Theorem.
31600 	(1) If anything can go wrong, it will.
31601 	(2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.
31602 	(3) Everything takes longer than you think it will.
31605 	Any country with "democratic" in the title isn't.
31607 Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
31610 Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
31617 	refrigerator so long it has become a science project.
31620 My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
31624 	But I said, "Dear Doctor, I think that it is you instead.
31626 	To prove it I'll have the last laugh on you.
31627 'Cause instead of one head -- I've got two.
31629 And you know two heads are better than one.
31639 Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me.
31641 My boy is mean kid.  I came home the other day and saw him taping worms
31642 to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.  Well,
31644 a bulls-eye on the back.
31646 I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own."  One of them
31647 said, "So will you."
31650 My brain is my second favorite organ.
31654 of the entire earth on it. On the back it said: "Wish you were here".
31659 	and it leadeth me in scientific notation to 99 digits.
31661 	decimal points for the sake of precision.
31663 	I will fear no prof, for my calculator is there to hearten me.
31665 	arc sin for me in the presence of my teachers.
31667 	over.
31669 	life, and I shall dwell in the house of Texas instruments forever.
31674 a hundred miles an hour ... booming through the Treasure Island tunnel at
31676 turnoff to take when I got to the other end ... but being absolutely certain
31678 just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that.
31679 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
31682 of saying, except in a desperate case.  It is like saying "My mother,
31683 drunk or sober."
31684 		-- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant"
31687 sober."
31688 		-- G.K. Chesterton
31690 My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
31692 My darling wife was always glum.
31695 In better spirits night and day.
31697 My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.
31698 Unless there are three other people.
31701 My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
31705 is going on.
31706 		-- J.F. Kennedy
31708 My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you.
31712 your ignorance; you cannot replace it."
31716 	1: Never mix whiskey with anything but water.
31717 	2: Never try to draw to an inside straight.
31718 	3: Never discuss business with anyone who refuses to give his name.
31721 missed a copy of the New York Times, either.
31722 		-- E.B. White
31724 My father was a saint, I'm not.
31728 and mayonnaise on toasted bread with catsup on the side.
31732 Pirates team, which lost 112 games.  After a terrible series against the
31736 	"I'd like to make a suggestion," Metkovich said.  "On any ball hit
31737 to center field, let's just let it roll to see if it might go foul."
31741 but they were there to meet the boat.
31743 My friend has a baby.  I'm writing down all the noises he makes so
31744 later I can ask him what he meant.
31748 but always, always, he was right.
31750 My girlfriend and I sure had a good time at the beach last summer.  First
31751 she'd bury me in the sand, then I'd bury her.  This summer I'm going to go
31752 back and dig her up.
31755 "Pretty sure.  They pulled him from a Volvo."
31759 mail about softball games.  And I've got this pain right through my ALU.
31760 I've asked for it to be replaced, but nobody ever listens.  I think it
31761 would be better for us both if you were to just log out again.
31763 My, how you've changed since I've changed.
31765 My idea of roughing it is when room service is late.
31767 My idea of roughing it turning the air conditioner too low.
31770 going to spend the rest of my life there.
31775 	And the skies are sunlit for him.
31777 	As the fragrance of acacia.
31779 	And I wish he were in Asia.
31783 	And he makes no friends of sorrows.
31785 	In the pathway or the morrows.
31787 	Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
31789 	And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
31793 thing to say.  And then say it with the utmost levity.
31794 		-- G.B. Shaw
31797 it has become quite friendly with my legs.
31800 My mother drinks to forget she drinks.
31804 have given anything if I had been one.
31808 "Elwood, in this world you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant."
31809 For years I tried smart.  I recommend pleasant.
31810 		-- Elwood P. Dowde, "Harvey"
31830 be able to change him, like a bank note, for two twenties.
31836 My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
31838 My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
31839 		-- O. Wilde
31842 	And he cares not what comes after.
31844 	And his eyes are lit with laughter.
31846 	Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
31848 	And I wish I'd never met him.
31852 and I am convinced that we are terribly vulnerable.  ...  We should be
31853 reluctant to turn back upon the frontier of this epoch. Space is indifferent
31855 we grapple with it. But we cannot be indifferent to space, because the grand,
31857 from which we can explore and understand and utilize it. To turn back now
31858 would be to deny our history, our capabilities.
31859 		-- James A. Michener
31864 My parents went to Niagra Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
31869 But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
31872 My philosophy is: Don't think.
31875 My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.
31878 Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure.
31882 lines, and they're going to stay that way.
31883 		-- A. Capone
31887 with our frail and feeble mind.
31890 My ritual differs slightly.  What I do, first thing [in the morning], is I
31891 hop into the shower stall.  Then I hop right back out, because when I hopped
31894 of while he showers.  Then I hop right back into the stall because our dog,
31900 part if you want to sing the "Messiah," if you get my drift.  Then I hop
31903 exactly that moment to flush one of the toilets.  Perhaps several of them.
31907 reason to limit myself.
31910 My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii.
31911 She sells C shells by the seashore.
31918 I'm due to fall in love again.
31921 My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
31924 My uncle was the town drunk -- and we lived in Chicago.
31927 My way of joking is to tell the truth.
31928 That's the funniest joke in the world.
31931 My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
31933 Mystics always hope that science will some day overtake them.
31939 	from the true accounts which it invents later.
31944 returns, good grades, good spouse, good grandchildren.
31948 Two Jewish women are sitting having coffee.
31952 	"Yes, that's my Rachel."
31953 	"That's... that's nice.  But isn't she the same one that married
31958 	"Ahhh.  So much naches from one child!"
31961 	When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better.
31964 Nadia Comaneci, simple perfection.
31967 'Naomi, sex at noon taxes.' I moan.
31968 Never odd or even.
31969 A man, a plan, a canal, Panama.
31970 Madam, I'm Adam.
31971 Sit on a potato pan, Otis.
31975 		Everything he says is wrong.
31977 		and then everything he says will be right.
31979 		-- G.B. Shaw
31983 	to also yawn.
31986 Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity.  The servant said
31987 "My master is out."  Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he
31988 goes out, he should not leave his face at the window.  Someone might steal
31989 it."
31992 gathered around to hear what had passed.  "At this time," said Nasrudin, "I
31993 only want to say that the King spoke to me."  All the villagers but the
31994 stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.  The remaining villager
31998 were spoken to.
32001 him.  Nasrudin said, "First things first.  Did you see me walk into your
32003 	"Of course."
32005 	"Never."
32009 than the sun."
32010 	"Why?", he was asked.
32011 	"Because at night we need the light more."
32013 Nasrudin was carrying home a piece of liver and the recipe for liver pie.
32015 his hand.  As the bird flew off, Nasrudin called after it, "Foolish bird!
32018 National security is in your hands - guard it well.
32020 Natural laws have no pity.
32022 Naturally the common people don't want war... but after all it is the leaders
32025 or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.  Voice or no voice, the people
32026 can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders.  That is easy.  All you
32028 for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger.  It works the same
32029 in every country.
32032 Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of conservation
32033 of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the
32038 Nature abhors a virgin -- a frozen asset.
32041 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
32044 God said, "Let Newton be," and all was light.
32047 Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
32050 given them little.
32051 		-- Dr. Samuel Johnson
32054 it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
32058 tolerated until they acquire some sense.
32062 And wisely curbed proud man's pretending wit.
32068 The memory's soft figures melt away.
32071 Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.
32095 want to test a man's character, give him power.
32099 have looked at carefully has turned out to be wrong.
32102 Necessity has no law.
32103 		-- St. Augustine
32105 Necessity hath no law.
32108 Necessity is a mother.
32110 "Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb.  "Necessity
32111 is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.
32114 Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom.
32115 It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves.
32118 Neckties strangle clear thinking.
32121 Needs are a function of what other people have.
32123 Negative expectations yield negative results.
32124 Positive expectations yield negative results.
32126 Neglect of duty does not cease, by repetition, to be neglect of duty.
32129 Neil Armstrong tripped.
32131 Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
32139 	clothes.  Nerd's position in engineering hierarchy can be
32141 	in his pack.
32144 	Melancholia's blue.
32150 And psychiatrists collect the rent.
32152 Neutrinos are into physicists.
32154 Neutrinos have bad breadth.
32159 	must be used in conjunction with bombs that destroy property.
32161 Never accept an invitation from a stranger unless he gives you candy.
32164 Never appeal to a man's "better nature."  He may not have one.
32165 Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
32168 Never argue with a fool -- people might not be able to tell the difference.
32170 Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
32172 Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
32174 Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.
32176 Never ask two questions in a business letter.  The reply will discuss
32177 the one you are least interested, and say nothing about the other.
32179 Never be afraid to tell the world who you are.
32182 Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
32184 Never buy from a rich salesman.
32188 because it is cheap; it will be dear to you.
32191 Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
32193 Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
32195 Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
32197 Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
32199 Never drink Coca-Cola in a moving elevator.  The elevator's motion coupled
32200 with the chemicals in Coke produce hallucinations. People tend to change
32202 window.  (Additionally, you begin to believe that elevators have windows.)
32204 Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water.
32206 Never eat anything bigger than your head.
32208 Never eat at a place called Mom's.  Never play cards with a man named Doc.
32209 And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
32212 Never eat more than you can lift.
32216 absolutely sure they'll never find out the truth.
32218 Never explain.  Your friends do not need it
32219 and your enemies will never believe you anyway.
32222 Never face facts; if you do you'll never get up in the morning.
32225 Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
32227 Never frighten a small man -- he'll kill you.
32229 Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose.
32233 Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
32236 Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.
32239 Never have children, only grandchildren.
32242 Never have so many understood so little about so much.
32245 Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with a baseball bat.
32247 Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
32249 Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
32252 Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
32255 Never kick a man, unless he's down.
32257 Never laugh at live dragons.
32261 make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
32263 Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
32267 interrupt the person who is doing it.
32269 Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
32272 Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
32275 Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
32278 way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
32280 Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
32283 Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
32285 Never pay a compliment as if expecting a receipt.
32287 Never play pool with anyone named "Fats".
32289 Never promise more than you can perform.
32292 Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.
32293 		-- D. Gries
32295 Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
32297 Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after.
32300 unprotected.
32303 Never reveal your best argument.
32305 Never say "Oops" in an operating room.
32307 Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
32309 Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.
32313 that subject.
32316 NEVER swerve to hit a lawyer riding a bicycle -- it might be your bicycle.
32318 Never tell.  Not if you love your wife ... In fact, if your old lady walks
32319 in on you, deny it.  Yeah.  Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm
32320 tellin' ya.  This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck `Lay
32321 On Top Of Me Or I'll Die'.  I didn't know what I was gonna do..."
32324 Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them WHAT to
32325 do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
32326 		-- Gen. George S. Patton, Jr.
32328 Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
32331 Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
32333 Never trust a computer you can't repair yourself.
32335 Never trust an automatic pistol or a D.A.'s deal.
32338 Never trust an operating system.
32340 Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg.
32342 Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
32344 Never try to explain computers to a layman.  It's easier to explain
32345 sex to a virgin.
32348 (Note, however, that virgins tend to know a lot about computers.)
32350 Never try to outstubborn a cat.
32353 Never try to teach a pig to sing.
32354 It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
32356 Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes.
32358 Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
32360 Never use "etc." -- it makes people think there is more where
32361 there is not or that there is not space to list it all, etc.
32363 Never volunteer for anything.
32367 machinery does what it's supposed to do.
32368 		-- R.A. Heinlein
32371 	Different color from previous model.
32373 New crypt.  See /usr/news/crypt.
32375 New England Life, of course.  Why?
32377 New England Life, of course.  Why do you ask?
32380 for Prevention of Cruelty to Yourself.  Apply within.
32384 	time to get one is lengthening rapidly. Experts predict that at this
32385 	rate there will soon be an up to a one year wait.
32387 New systems generate new problems.
32390 age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it.
32394 whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
32400 Where they say you should not wander after dark.
32401 New York.
32404 New York's got the ways and means, just won't let you be.
32408 	government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
32412 	fortunately, neither will your worst dreams.
32415 print the chaff.
32420 	became the West German pole-vault champion.
32426 1700 N. 17th St. this morning to see if the elevator was on its way down.
32427 It was.  Age 31.
32430 	A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
32432 Next Friday will not be your lucky day.
32433 As a matter of fact, you don't have a lucky day this year.
32435 Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.
32438 Nice guys don't finish nice.
32440 Nice guys finish last.
32443 Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
32446 Nice guys get sick.
32449 	All things considered, life is 9 to 5 against.
32451 Nietzsche is pietzsche.
32453 Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
32455 Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again.
32456 God -- I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
32459 Nihilism should commence with oneself.
32463 (Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name,
32464 but Americans call him by value.
32474 And in the darkness grind 'em.
32483 	Your tape drive will skip.
32487 Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
32491 would.  The other ten percent of the time you had no right to expect
32492 that much.
32497 	the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
32500 that be and their friends hang out.
32503 Nitwit ideas are for emergencies.  You use them when you've got nothing
32504 else to try.  If they work, they go in the Book.  Otherwise you follow
32505 the Book, which is largely a collection of nitwit ideas that worked.
32508 No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
32511 No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
32513 No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
32515 No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
32520 	is "obvious" to those who failed to make it originally.
32523 constantly reiterated attacks, however false.
32526 No Civil War picture ever made a nickel.
32527 		-- MGM executive Irving Thalberg to Louis B. Mayer about
32528 		   film rights to "Gone With the Wind".
32531 No directory.
32534 lectures which are really worth the attending.
32538 on the grounds that it was human nature.
32540 No, `Eureka' is Greek for `This bath is too hot.'
32541 		-- Dr. Who
32543 No evil can happen to a good man.
32546 No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness.
32549 No extensible language will be universal.
32550 		-- T. Cheatham
32553 no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
32556 No good deed goes unpunished.
32560 conspire against the public at large.
32564 he will not become a nuisance after three days.
32567 No guts, no glory.
32570 until three software guys have signed off for it.
32574 To any god or government.
32577 But change is.
32579 No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
32581 No house should ever be on any hill or on anything.
32582 It should be of the hill, belonging to it.
32585 No, I don't have a drinking problem.
32586 I drink, I get drunk, I fall down.  No problem!
32588 No, I'm not interested in developing a powerful brain.  All I'm after is
32590 and Telegraph Company.
32592 		   machine, 1943.
32594 No is no negative in a woman's mouth.
32598 		-- Dr. Peter Venkman, "Ghost-busters"
32600 No line available at 300 baud.
32603 absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream.
32605 within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.
32608 of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.
32612 	Impossible to fix.
32615 interest in hair restorers.
32619 one peanut.
32627 for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee.
32630 No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
32632 No man is an island if he's on at least one mailing list.
32635 and if we are loved we are indispensable.
32638 No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next.
32639 		-- E.W. Howe
32642 the way of performing a simple act of justice.
32646 than the interests of the right of nations to self-determination.
32650 with her.  The only celebrity with whom I would share a night is Max Planck.
32651 But he is dead.  So I live like a monk, aside from a little self gratification
32652 in the afternoons.
32655 No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up.
32657 No matter how much you do you never do enough.
32660 signs of improvement.
32664 cramp his style.
32666 No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
32668 No matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
32671 the great idea you had was had by someone before you.
32674 th' supreme court follows th' iliction returns.
32675 		-- Mr. Dooley
32678 unmarried man -- not until she is married, anyway.
32683 the functions he is competent to.  It is by dividing and subdividing these
32686 every one what his own eye may superintend, that all will be done for the best.
32689 No one becomes depraved in a moment.
32692 No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
32695 dirty little beast.
32696 		-- W.S. Gilbert
32698 No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
32701 No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
32703 No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
32706 things that are at once gentle and deep.
32709 No one knows what he can do till he tries.
32712 No one regards what is before his feet; we all gaze at the stars.
32716 one who's giving it.
32723 For this isn't really the norm.
32725 So what?  Any pork in a storm.
32728 It's risky enough when the weather is fine.
32730 Cast even more perils before swine.
32733 He grew so fast no plotting pack could shrink him far enough.
32735 And swapped out all their data space when Puff pushed his stack frame.
32738 And mini-Puffs would perch themselves on his gigantic tail.
32742 Puff used more resources than DCS could spare.
32743 The operator killed Puff's job -- he didn't seem to care.
32749 	And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory.
32751 	And frolicked while processes switched in mainframe memory.
32755 their wish has been granted.
32756 		-- W.H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand"
32758 No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
32760 No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
32762 No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.
32763 		-- C. Schulz
32765 No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
32768 They said with a shrug.
32773 The others went home.			As year followed year.
32775 Deserted, alone.			"Is that guy still here?"
32777 Night passed into morning.		He died at the console
32779 With core dumps, source listings.	Next day he was buried
32780 "I'm close," he muttered.		Face down, nine edge first.
32783 Logic, deduction.			Accepted his fate.
32785 "Just change one instruction."		He's just working late."
32792 indication-applied occurrence.
32795 No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
32798 May beat admission in a thousand years.
32802 that some woman didn't want to make some alterations.
32808 for that purpose to keep awake all day.
32811 No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
32815 then he started his Old Crow.
32817 No sooner said than done -- so acts your man of worth.
32821 Thank you, The Management.
32823 No television performance takes as much preparation as an off-the-cuff talk.
32826 No two persons ever read the same book.
32830 you're only here for a limited time.
32836 she will or will not be a mother.
32837 		-- Margaret H. Sanger
32839 No woman can endure a gambling husband, unless he is a steady winner.
32843 him than he deserves.
32846 No wonder Clairol makes so much money selling shampoo.
32849 No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
32851 No yak too dirty; no dumpster too hollow.
32853 Nobert Weiner was the subject of many dotty professor stories.  Weiner was, in
32854 fact, very absent minded.  The following story is told about him: when they
32856 useless on the move, packed him off to MIT while she directed the move.  Since
32859 him.  Naturally, in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him.  He
32862 threw the piece of paper away.  At the end of the day he went home (to the
32863 old address in Cambridge, of course).  When he got there he realized that they
32865 paper with the address was long gone.  Fortunately inspiration struck.  There
32867 he had moved to, saying, "Excuse me, perhaps you know me.  I'm Norbert Weiner
32868 and we've just moved.  Would you know where we've moved to?"  To which the
32869 young girl replied, "Yes, Daddy, Mommy thought you would forget."
32871 story) about the truth of the story, many years later.  She said that it wasn't
32873 however, was pretty close to what actually happened...
32876 Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
32878 Nobody can be exactly like me.  Even I have trouble doing it.
32881 Nobody ever died from oven crude poisoning.
32883 Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.
32886 Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
32888 NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION.
32890 Nobody is one block of harmony.  We are all afraid of something, or feel
32891 limited in something.  We all need somebody to talk to.  It would be good
32892 if we talked to each other--not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We
32894 that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable too.
32895 It's so much easier to be together when we drop our masks.
32898 Nobody knows the trouble I've been.
32900 Nobody knows what goes between his cold toes and his warm ears.
32905 I think I'll go out and eat worms.
32908 And throw way the skins.
32911 Watch how they wiggle and they squirm.
32913 Nobody really knows what happiness is, until they're married.
32914 And then it's too late.
32916 Nobody shot me.
32919 		Valentine's Day Massacre.
32921 Only Capone kills like that.
32924 The only man who kills like that is Bugs Moran.
32929 their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young and rob the old.
32932 Nobody takes a bribe.  Of course at Christmas if you happen to hold our
32934 different.
32935 		-- New York City Police Commissioner (Ret.) William P.
32936 		   O'Brien, instructions to the force.
32938 Nobody wants constructive criticism.
32939 It's all we can do to put up with constructive praise.
32942 coming in late and lying about it.
32946 Noise proves nothing.  Often a hen who has
32947 merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
32952 	it again."
32955 	New Yorkerese for expensive.
32958 	A dead Quaker.
32961 Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable.
32962 		-- M.J. 0'Donnell
32964 Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
32966 None love the bearer of bad news.
32969 None of our men are "experts."  We have most unfortunately found it necessary
32971 ever considers himself expert if he really knows his job.  A man who knows a
32974 he is.  Thinking always ahead, thinking always of trying to do more, brings a
32975 state of mind in which nothing is impossible. The moment one gets into the
32976 "expert" state of mind a great number of things become impossible.
32977 		-- From Henry Ford Sr., "My Life and Work"
32979 Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.
32982 Nonsense and beauty have close connections.
32983 		-- E.M. Forster
32985 Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
32988 intentions.  He had money as well.
32991 Norm:  Gentlemen, start your taps.
32995 Norm:  Like it caught me in bed with his wife.
32999 Norm:  Not for the squeamish, Coach.
33002 Norm:  Hey, everybody.
33003 All:   [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich.]
33004 Norm:  [Carries on both sides of the conversation himself.]
33005        Norm!   (Norman.)
33007        Rich and thirsty.  Pour me a beer.
33010 Woody: What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
33011 Norm:  Zha-Zha marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer.
33012        Film at eleven.
33015 Woody: How are you today, Mr. Peterson?
33016 Norm:  Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better.
33017 		-- Cheers, Chambers vs. Malone
33019 [Norm comes in with an attractive woman.]
33022 Norm:   With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe.
33026 Norm:   The temperature under my collar, Coach.
33033 [Norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama.]
33037 Cliff: He's got a life, you know.
33040 Woody: What can I do for you, Mr. Peterson?
33041 Norm:  Elope with my wife.
33044 Woody: How's life, Mr. Peterson?
33045 Norm:  Oh, I'm waiting for the movie.
33046 		-- Cheers, Take My Shirt... Please?
33048 [Norm is angry.]
33050 Woody: What can I get you, Mr. Peterson?
33051 Norm:  Clifford Clavin's head.
33056       and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.
33060 Norm: Beats me, I can't find the on-ramp.
33063 [Norm returns from the hospital.]
33066 Norm:   Everything that's supposed to be.
33070 Norm: Terrorists, Sam.  They've taken over my stomach.
33071       They're demanding beer.
33075 Norm:  Just the usual, Coach.  I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.
33078 [Norm tries to prove that he is not Anton Kreitzer.]
33083 Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
33084 Norm:  A flashing sign in my gut that says, ``Insert beer here.''
33088 Norm: [scratching his beard] Got any flea powder?  Ah, just kidding.
33089       Gimme a beer; I think I'll just drown the little suckers.
33092 Normal times may possibly be over forever.
33095 reason than self-protection.  We never recommend any of our graduates,
33097 their courses.
33100 Nostalgia is living life in the past lane.
33102 Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
33104 Not all men who drink are poets.
33105 Some of us drink because we aren't poets.
33107 Not all who own a harp are harpers.
33111 make you live longer -- it just seems that way.
33114 the capitalist mode of production.
33117 Not every question deserves an answer.
33119 Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.
33126 respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside
33129 chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine...
33133 ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree.
33136 I'm looking forward to working with you on this next year.
33137 		-- Professor, Harvard, on a senior thesis.
33139 Not only is UNIX dead, it's starting to smell really bad.
33143 serious drug collection the tendency is to push it as far as you can.
33144 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
33146 Not to laugh, not to lament, not to curse, but to understand.
33149 NOTE:  No warranties, either express or implied, are hereby given.
33150 All software is supplied as is, without guarantee.  The user assumes
33162 and/or frogs falling from the sky.
33164 Note to myself: use real bullets next time.
33166 Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of
33167 wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is
33169 unfortunately, divided lengthwise.  She enchants Sigmund, who is careful
33170 not to make any poultry jokes.
33173 Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
33176 Nothing can be done in one trip.
33179 Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
33181 Nothing endures but change.
33183 	[Yeah, yeah, "Everything changes but change itself." --JFK Ed.]
33186 proverb is no proverb to you till your life has illustrated it.
33189 Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result.
33193 satisfying as an income tax refund.
33194 		-- F.J. Raymond
33196 Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
33198 Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
33202 		Or as finished as it seems in the end.
33204 Nothing is but what is not.
33206 Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
33208 Nothing is faster than the speed of light.
33211 refrigerator door before the light comes on.
33213 Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
33215 Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it.
33218 Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
33219 		-- A.H. Weiler
33222 millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
33225 Nothing is more quiet than the sound of hair going grey.
33227 Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature.
33228 She shows us only surfaces, but she is a million fathoms deep.
33231 Nothing is so firmly believed as that which we least know.
33234 Nothing is so often irretrievably missed as a daily opportunity.
33237 Nothing lasts forever.
33240 Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
33242 Nothing makes one so vain as being told that one is a sinner.
33243 Conscience makes egotists of us all.
33246 Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
33250 see his boss put in an honest day's work.
33255 which can be offered to a personality.
33258 Nothing recedes like success.
33262 which the hearer is permitted to laugh.
33265 Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
33268 Nothing succeeds like excess.
33271 Nothing succeeds like success.
33274 Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
33277 Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
33281 If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
33286 Saying, oh, you'd better believe it.
33287 [...]
33289 And you just have to pay for it sometime.
33294 I said oh, you just can't mean it.
33295 [...]
33297 If it doesn't come naturally, leave it.
33302 I said oh, you can leave it.
33305 Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.
33309 if all possible objections must be first overcome.
33310 		-- Dr. Johnson
33314 	be summarily put out.
33320 (The nearest working elevator is in the building across the street.)
33323 	French for "not enough food".
33326 	English for "not enough food".
33329 	Spanish for "not enough food".
33332 	Chinese for more food than you've ever seen in your entire life.
33335 	The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.
33340 	not better, just different.
33342 Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
33345 Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.
33348 Now I lay me back to sleep.
33349 The speaker's dull; the subject's deep.
33351 Give me a nudge for goodness' sake.
33357 And, no one rob me till I awake.
33365 I pray the Lord I won't go nutty.
33367 I pray the Lord that I won't flunk.
33369 Just lay my bones in the study hall.
33371 Then pile my books upon my chest.
33373 Now is the time for all good men to come to.
33377 now the time to beat the earth with unfettered foot.
33381 To all our company...
33384 M-O-U-S-E.
33389 It leaves me only fifty more.
33394 To see the cherry hung with snow.
33395 		-- A.E. Housman
33400 Like a tired child, the starry night.
33405 Yearn only to sink into sleep.
33410 More profoundly, more variously.
33415 her latest book.  And, if you still feel a twinge of guilt for eating coffee
33421 3: Would a longer life be worthwhile if it had to be lived as prescribed...
33424 	you live longer, it just *seems* like longer.)
33426 That, and another piece of coffee cake, should do the trick.
33430 were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST...
33433 or "Murder With Mallets Aforethought."
33434 	-- Shelby Friedman, WSJ.
33437 you can win or you can lose or it can rain.
33440 Now you're ready for the actual shopping.  Your goal should be to get it
33444 emotionally.  For example: "Frosty the Snowman" is about a snowman who
33446 melts.  And "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" is about a young reindeer who,
33448 reindeer.  Then along comes good, old Santa.  Does he ignore the deformity?
33450 reindeer he is underneath?  No.  Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as
33452 tail.  So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity,
33453 you should shop quickly.
33458 	the next freeway exit.
33467 He ain't nothing -- he ain't nothing at all...
33476 You got nothing -- you got nothing at all...
33477 	We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha.
33478 	We know his name and he mustn't get away.
33479 	We're on the road and we're gunning for the Buddha.
33480 	It would take one shot -- to blow him away...
33483 Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality within 10 years.
33486 		   Times, June 10, 1955.
33488 [Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable.
33492 normal routines, for children and adults alike.
33493 		-- Willard F. Libby, "You Can Survive Atomic Attack"
33495 Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
33497 Nuke the unborn gay female whales for Jesus.
33499 Nuke them till they glow, then shoot them in the dark.
33503 Nullum magnum ingenium sine mixtura dementiae fuit.
33506 Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
33508 Nurse Donna:	Oh, Groucho, I'm afraid I'm gonna wind up an old maid.
33509 Groucho:	Well, bring her in and we'll wind her up together.
33511 Groucho:	Only if the computers really love each other.
33515 	organization.  (For instance, the Murphy Center for the
33517 	to IBM, GM, and AT&T.)
33520 I'd lay hap'ly on my dish.
33541 To use it like a giant.
33545 for Thou knowest we will never change our minds.
33551 		-- Omar Khayyam, tr. FitzGerald
33553 Oatmeal raisin.
33556 look where they are not rather than where they are.
33559 	Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.
33562 thumb hidden and the four fingers extended.
33564 	"Four."
33567 	"Four."
33568 	The word ended in a gasp of pain.
33571 Observe yon plumed biped fine.
33574 A quantity of particles saline.
33576 Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
33578 "Obviously, a major malfunction has occurred."
33581 		   of the grandstands.
33583 Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.
33587 	solution is bound to have something wrong with it.
33590 	The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient.  It is
33593 	which they are pleased to call "war" and "commerce."  These, also,
33594 	are the principal industries of the Orient.
33599 	of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
33602 		-- George S. Kaufman
33604 Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
33607 to know so much and have control over nothing.
33610 Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
33614 There's none so bad as which and whom.
33616 Will be enshrined in our Who's Whom.
33619 Of all things man is the measure.
33623 husband and wife.
33626 if you don't know them too well.
33629 Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix.  Everyone knows power
33630 tools aren't soluble in alcohol...
33633 Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
33635 Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon.
33636 After awhile you'd run out of air to push against.
33638 Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
33640 Of what you see in books, believe 75%.  Of newspapers, believe 50%.  And of
33641 TV news, believe 25% -- make that 5% if the anchorman wears a blazer.
33645 	by removing anyone you would want to talk with over coffee.
33648 	1. Uncritical Acceptance
33649 	2. Wild Enthusiasm
33650 	3. Dejected Disillusionment
33651 	4. Total Confusion
33652 	5. Search for the Guilty
33653 	6. Punishment of the Innocent
33654 	7. Promotion of the Non-participants
33657 lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.
33662 	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
33675 They're burning our streets and beating me blue.
33677 Get a close haircut and spit-shine your shoes."
33680 I long to embrace her whose hair is so smooth.
33682 Cut your hair close and shine all your shoes."
33684 Oh Teacher, my Teacher, your life with me share.
33686 "Oh Student, my Student, of dissent you beware.
33687 Shine those dull shoes and cut short your hair."
33692 Shine those new shoes and cut short that hair."
33695 As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
33699 	see if I don't.
33704 And I'll show you a house with a really messy kitchen.
33709 	And the cold virus never evolved.			(chorus)
33711 	Our ball bearings are perfectly round.
33713 	And a kilogram weighs half a pound.			(chorus)
33717 	If we just find a big enough wrench.			(chorus)
33719 	And living up here is a bore.
33726 	Solar power and zero-gee sex.
33732 	to night,			Without a conclusion in sight.
33736 And reiterate all of our thoughts.	With frequent addenda
33737 					And consider a load of reports.
33742 					There's terribly little gets done.
33749 Which stops with a period, thus.
33752 "Oh, he [a big dog] hunts with papa," she said. "He says Don Carlos [the
33753 dog] is good for almost every kind of game.  He went duck hunting one time
33754 and did real well at it.  Then Papa bought some ducks, not wild ducks but,
33755 you know, farm ducks.  And it got Don Carlos all mixed up.  Since the
33757 wasn't supposed to kill them, but he had to do something.  So one morning
33759 buried them."  "What do you mean, buried them?"  "Oh, he didn't hurt them.
33761 and put them in the holes.  Then he covered them up with mud except for
33762 their heads.  He did thirteen ducks that way and was digging a hole for
33763 another one when Tony found him.  We talked about it for a long time.  Papa
33765 know how to build a cage he put them in holes.  He's a smart dog."
33766 		-- R. Bradford, "Red Sky At Morning"
33774 From a typical American town.
33776 And keeping old Castro down.
33785 And my asthma's getting worse.
33789 And I'm working in a defense plant.
33798 If I dealt in good cocaine.
33801 Oh, I don't blame Congress.  If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd
33802 be irresponsible, too.
33811 High in the sunlit silence.
33814 My eager craft through footless halls of air.
33820 Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.
33821 		-- John Gillespie Magee Jr., "High Flight"
33824 From a typical American town.
33826 And keeping old Castro down.
33849 arch-enemy -- and that is life.
33853 it's what you do with what you have left.
33854 		-- Hubert H. Humphrey
33858 Oh, the Slithery Dee, he crawled out of the sea.
33859 He may catch all the others, but he won't catch me.
33860 No, he won't catch me, stupid ol' Slithery Dee.
33864 Oh this age!  How tasteless and ill-bred it is.
33868 Born under one law, to another bound.
33871 Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
33873 Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.
33879 	How well did I behave.
33884 	Am quite myself again.
33885 		-- A.E. Housman
33890 you can call me 'Jay', or you can call me 'R.J.', or you can call me 'Ray
33891 J.', or you can call me 'R.J.J.', or you can call me 'Ray J. Johnson', or
33892 you can call me 'R.J. Johnson', but ya DOESN'T have to call me 'Johnson'...
33894 Oh yeah?  Well, I remember when sex was dirty and the air was clean.
33896 Oh, yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of livin' is gone.
33899 O.K., fine.
33901 Okay, Okay -- I admit it.  You didn't change that program that worked
33903 executable.  Please forgive me.  You can recover the file by typing in
33904 the code over again, since I also removed the source.
33906 Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
33908 Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
33909 		-- B. Baruch
33911 Old age is the harbor of all ills.
33914 Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man.
33917 Old age is too high a price to pay for maturity.
33919 Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
33922 	There are two kinds of fools -- those who never climb Mt. Fuji,
33923 and those who climb it twice.
33925 Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
33927 Old mail has arrived.
33930 themselves for their inability to set a bad example.
33934 To fetch her poor daughter a dress.
33936 And so was her daughter, I guess...
33938 Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
33940 Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
33942 Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
33944 Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
33946 Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
33949 	One who remembers when charity was a virtue and not an organization.
33952 	Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
33954 omnibiblious, adj.:
33955 	Indifferent to type of drink.  Ex: "Oh, you can get me anything.
33956 	I'm omnibiblious."
33958 On a clear day, U.C.L.A.
33960 On a clear disk you can seek forever.
33961 		-- P. Denning
33965 "This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong."
33969 a surtout peur de souffrir ou de faire souffrir.
33972 above all, one is afraid of pain or causing pain.]
33976 	a colossus keeps his height, even if he stands in a well.
33981 what it does.
33986 what it does.
33990 car looked exactly like his neighbor's.  Stopping hurriedly on the side of
33991 the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris.
33993 you come any closer."
33995 explained.
33996 	"OK, but it's pretty grisly," the cop cautioned.  "There was a
33997 decapitation."
33999 pulled forth the head, holding it at arm's length.  "Is this your friend?"
34000 	"That's not him -- thank heavens," the man said.  "Henry's much
34001 taller."
34004 proposition that all men are created jerks.
34005 		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
34008 same moment -- halftime.
34010 On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN.
34013 girl knelt by her bed to say her prayers.  "God bless Mommy and Daddy and
34014 Keith and Kim," she said.  As she began to get up, she quickly added, "Oh,
34015 and God, this is goodbye.  We're moving to Hollywood."
34018 a purpose, but never without a POINT.
34020 On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
34021 		-- W.C. Fields' epitaph
34023 On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], "Pray, Mr.
34026 ideas that could provoke such a question.
34029 Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew,
34030 and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days.
34031 		-- W.C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
34033 Once a word has been allowed to escape, it cannot be recalled.
34036 Once, adv.: Enough.
34038 Once again dread deed is done.
34041 to human chance and circumstance.
34043 but Canon's sleep is troubled.
34045 Beware, scant days past the Ides of July.
34051 held captive by his unblinking eye.
34055 until predestiny decrees his reawakening.
34058 It tolls for thee."
34070 George Wilson.  Each of these items was erroneous material published
34071 inadvertently.  He was not an insurance salesman in Raleigh, did not win the
34073 vehicular homicide, and he made no comment about Flipper or George Wilson.
34074 The Herald regrets the errors."
34078 of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
34081 went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank.  People passing
34084 ...
34086 with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them.  Holiday shoppers
34088 they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag.  If your
34090 that ought to shut them up.
34094 that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease".  Disraeli
34096 mistress".
34098 Once harm has been done, even a fool understands it.
34102 roars.  Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the
34104 the railroad yards."
34105 		-- H.L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan,
34107 		   law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925.
34110 answers, they changed the questions.
34113 than when he truly realizes how weak he is.
34118 Three times is enemy action.
34122 sweep it up, package it, and sell it as fertilizer.
34125 	And Mercy knelt a-weeping.
34127 	Nor come before me creeping.
34129 'Tis plain you have no standing here."
34131 Then Justice came.  His Honor cried:
34134 	"Friend of the court, so please you."
34141 possible for each to see each other whole against the sky.
34144 Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in.
34145 		-- H.R. Haldeman
34170 Once there was this conductor see, who had a bass problem.  You see, during
34172 parts, one of the bassists always passed a bottle of scotch around.  So,
34175 page of the score before the bass cue.  As the basses grew more and more
34176 inebriated, two of them fell asleep.  The conductor grew quite nervous (he
34178 the score was tied and the basses were loaded with two out.
34180 Once upon a time there...
34182 Once upon a time there was a kingdom ruled by a great bear.  The peasants
34184 to become a Royal Knight.  This required an interview with the bear.  If
34185 the bear liked you, you were knighted on the spot.  If not, the bear would
34186 just as likely remove your head with one swat of a paw.  However, the family
34189 possession.  And the moral of the story is:
34192 hit you.
34201 Skulking at my chamber door.
34203 Once you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
34206 it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.
34208 "One Architecture, One OS" also translates as "One Egg, One Basket".
34210 One Bell System - it sometimes works.
34214 One Bell System - it works.
34216 One big pile is better than two little piles.
34219 One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
34223 mind, and can search the stars with a telescope and not find God.
34224 		-- J. Gustav White
34227 how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
34229 One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
34234 just stupid.
34235 		-- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix"
34238 attic.  He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in cloud of smoke.
34240 releasing me I will grant you three wishes."
34242 resurrected.  I want him to re-unite the Mongol hordes, march to the Polish
34243 border, decide he doesn't want to invade, and march back home."
34244 	"No sooner said than done!" thunders the genie.  "Your second wish?"
34245 	"Hmmmm.  I want Genghis Khan resurrected.  I want him to re-unite the
34247 and march back home."
34248 	"But...  well, all right!  Your third wish?"
34249 	"I want Genghis Khan resurrected.  I want him to re-unite his ---"
34250 	"OKOKOKOK!  Right.  Got it.  Why do you want Genghis Khan to march
34252 	The old man smiles.  "He has to pass through Russia six times."
34255 flying together in an airplane.  Right out in the middle of nowhere the plane
34256 developed engine trouble and started to go down.  Unfortunately, only three
34259 revolution, my life must be spared."  And he jumped out of the plane.  Then
34261 world safe for democracy."  And with that he too jumped to safety.  Now if
34263 there is only one parachute left for the two remaining passengers.  The Pope
34265 life, my son.  You take the parachute and leave me in God's hands."  "That's
34266 very kind of you," the observant scout replied, "but there is no need.  Reagan
34267 just jumped out with my knapsack."
34270 truth.  A gallows was erected in front of the city gates.  A herald announced,
34272 which will be put to him."  Nasrudin was first in line.  The captain of the
34274 is death by hanging."
34275 	"I am going," said Nasrudin, "to be hanged on that gallows."
34276 	"I don't believe you."
34279 	"Exactly," said Nasrudin, "your truth."
34282 decides to do something about it.  He calls up his best friend, who is a
34283 mathematical genius.  "Look," he says, "do you suppose you could find some
34285 make a lot of money and retire and enjoy life."  The mathematician thinks
34286 this over a bit and walks away mumbling to himself.
34288 success.  The genius, looking a little bleary-eyed, replies, "Well, yes,
34290 there a number of details to be figured out.
34294 track."
34296 pounding on his door at three in the morning.  He has dark circles under his
34297 eyes.  His hair hasn't been combed for many days.  He appears to be wearing
34298 the same clothes as the last time.  He has several pencils sticking out from
34299 behind his ears and an almost maniacal expression on his face.  "WE CAN DO
34300 IT!  WE CAN DO IT!!" he shrieks. "I have discovered the perfect solution!!
34302 harmonic motion..."
34313 [...]
34314 sort of close".
34318 To some sort of close".
34322 To some sort of close".
34325 is that a machine is quiet when well oiled.
34327 One doesn't have a sense of humor.  It has you.
34332 conductors from the Brooklyn Traction Company.  While they were discussing the
34333 merits of a local ring hero, the bar goes silent.  Malone turns around to see
34334 his wife, with a face grim as death, stalking to the bar.
34337 been havin' all these years."
34339 Malone.  He sets out a glass and pours her a triple shot of Rye.  The bar is
34341 drink.  She slams the glass down on the bar, gasps, shudders slightly, and
34343 with the barroom floor by the ample belly of Seamus Fogerty.
34345 head.  Her bloodshot eyes fell upon her husband, who says, "And all these
34346 years you've been thinkin' I've been enjoying meself."
34348 One expresses well the love he does not feel.
34349 		-- J.A. Karr
34351 One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
34353 One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.
34356 One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly possible.
34358 a rivalry of aim.
34361 One girl can be pretty -- but a dozen are only a chorus.
34362 		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Last Tycoon"
34365 people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
34367 One good suit is worth a thousand resumes.
34370 Well, it helps you feel no pain.
34372 Hit me with music now.
34375 One good turn asketh another.
34378 One good turn deserves another.
34381 One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
34384 and end up with the atomic bomb.
34387 One hundred women are not worth a single testicle.
34390 One is not superior merely because one sees the world as odious.
34393 One is often kept in the right road by a rut.
34397 ANOTHER WORLD all THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
34399 One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
34401 One man's constant is another man's variable.
34402 		-- A.J. Perlis
34404 One man's folly is another man's wife.
34407 One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
34408 "Supernatural" is a null word.
34410 One man's Mede is another man's Persian.
34411 		-- George M. Cohan
34413 One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
34416 can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
34419 One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.
34422 without laughing.
34425 One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
34427 One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
34430 one end to the other.  Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70
34431 percent discipline, like learning Latin.  But the good parts are, of course,
34432 simply amazing.  God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good,
34433 nobody can touch him.
34434 		-- John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan. 1983
34437 advisor... is to discourage... from expecting too much from
34438 mathematics.
34439 		-- N. Wiener
34442 enough to give you presents they make at school.
34446 unpleasant is the knowledge that one can communicate it.
34450 do and always a clever thing to say.
34458 understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.  He was
34460 time, which obviously worried him, hence the act.  He preferred people to be
34461 puzzled rather than contemptuous.  This above all appeared to Trillian to be
34462 genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about.
34465 One of the most overlooked advantages to computers is...  If they do
34466 foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.
34470 cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
34474 need no answer.
34478 seat to another passenger.  This may seem callous, but it is the best
34479 way, really.  If one passenger were to give a seat to someone who fainted
34481 imagine they were in Topeka Kansas.
34484 once had a publisher shot.
34487 One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
34490 thief who was to be executed.  As he was taken away he made a bargain with
34492 hymns.  The other prisoners watched the thief singing to the horse and
34493 laughed.  "You will not succeed," they told him.  "No one can."
34495 happen in that time.  The king might die.  The horse might die.  I might die.
34496 And perhaps the horse will learn to sing.
34499 One organism, one vote.
34501 One person's error is another person's data.
34503 One picture is worth 128K words.
34505 One picture is worth more than ten thousand words.
34509 And, one pill makes you small.		And you know you're going to fall.
34511 Don't do anything at all.		Has given you the call.
34513 When she's ten feet tall.		When she was just small.
34516 Get up and tell you where to go.	Have fallen sloppy dead,
34519 And your mind is moving low.		And the Red Queen's lost her head
34521 I think she'll know.				Feed your head.
34522 						Feed your head.
34523 						Feed your head.
34526 One planet is all you get.
34529 is that there never was a plan in the first place.
34532 according to plan is that there never was a plan.
34536 installed on congressmen to keep them from taking trips.  Let's say your
34538 the French government handles diseases transmitted by sherbet.  Just when
34541 plane door.  It could also be rigged to inflate whenever the congressman
34542 proposed a law.  ("Mr. Speaker, people ask me, why should October be
34543 designated as Cuticle Inspection Month?  And I answer that FWWAAAAAAPPPP.")
34545 would violently support a law requiring airbags on congressmen.  The problem
34547 members of congress.
34552 On the former Administration.
34553 		-- George O. Ludcke
34557 to San Diego.  We passed several state beaches, some crowded and some
34558 virtually empty.  They had the same facilities, and in some cases the crowded
34559 and the empty beach were within a quarter mile of each other.  Obviously
34560 many beach-goers prefer to be crowded together. Buying more beaches that
34562 is a ridiculous waste of our natural resources and our taxes.
34565 One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
34567 One should always be in love.  That is the reason one should never marry.
34571 	Doesn't fit anyone.
34573 One small step for man, one giant stumble for mankind.
34575 One thing about the past.
34576 It's likely to last.
34579 ONE THING KIDS LIKE is to be tricked.  For instance, I was going to take
34581 warehouse.  "Oh, oh," I said.  "Disneyland burned down."  He cried and
34582 cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
34585 late.
34586 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
34589 get the bugs out of is fresh paint.
34592 sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer
34593 terror.
34594 		-- W.K. Hartmann
34596 One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
34598 One time the police stopped me for speeding.  They said, "Don't you know the
34600 going to be out that long."
34606 One toke over the line.
34610 One toke over the line.
34612 One way to stop a run away horse is to bet on him.
34615 the stake while the votes were being counted.
34616 		-- Thomas B. Reed
34619 because they bite.
34624 it is concluded all clovers possess four leaves and are sometimes green.
34627 	The idea that a human being should always be accessible to a computer.
34629 Only a fool has no doubts.
34631 Only a mediocre person is always at his best.
34634 Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
34636 Only fools are quoted.
34639 Only God can make random selections.
34641 Only great masters of style can succeed in being obtuse.
34644 Most UNIX programmers are great masters of style.
34648 essential food groups -- alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
34652 hot sugar, cold sugar, carbohydrates and grease.  Ed.]
34655 to use the editorial "we".
34658 smiles back at the rear of an elephant.
34660 Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.
34663 Only the fittest survive. The vanquished acknowledge their unworthiness by
34666 food.  But if successful, you join the elite sodality that spends hours
34668 and ROMS, hard disks and baud rates. Are you obnoxious, obsessed?  It's a
34669 modest price to pay.  For you have tapped into the same awesome primal power
34670 that produces credit-card billing errors and lost plane reservations.  Hail,
34672 the silicone creed: Computo, ergo sum.  The force is with you -- at 110 volts.
34673 May your RAMS be fruitful and multiply.
34676 Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core.
34680 busy about can be busy about that which the masses take leisurely.
34683 Only two groups of people fall for flattery -- men and women.
34685 Only two kinds of witnesses exist.  The first live in a neighborhood where
34687 or even heard a shot.  The second category are the neighbors of anyone who
34688 happens to be accused of the crime.  These have always looked out of their
34690 peacefully on his balcony a few yards away.
34694 of them is paranoid and the other one is out to get him.
34696 Only way to open lips of pigeon, sledgehammer.
34698 Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
34700 Onward through the fog.
34702 Operator, please trace this call and tell me where I am.
34704 Opiates are the religion of the upper-middle classes.
34708 feel like eating for the next six days.
34711 Oppernockity tunes but once.
34714 work, so most people don't recognize them.
34717 talk to.  And you just HAVE to watch it.  "Blind, masochistic minority,
34719 them too much on the next Oprah Winfrey."
34721 Optimism is the content of small men in high places.
34722 		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Crack Up"
34726 and everything right that is wrong.  It is held with greatest tenacity by
34728 with the grin that apes a smile.  Being a blind faith, it is inaccessible
34730 but death.  It is hereditary, but not contagious.
34733 	A proponent of the belief that black is white.
34735 	A pessimist asked God for relief.
34736 	"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God.
34738 would justify them."
34740 something -- the mortality of the optimist."
34745 	bureau to see if his license has expired.
34748 	A bagpiper with a beeper.
34750 Optimization hinders evolution.
34752 Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes.  I would rather it were you.
34754 we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company.
34755 		-- J. Wellington Wells
34757 Oral sex is like being attacked by a giant snail.
34760 Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
34763 mastery of a subject -- the actual enemy is the unknown.
34768 	no place to go on Saturday night.
34775 Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds.
34776 Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.
34780 to people you could not have possibly met.
34784 	Variables won't; constants aren't.
34786 Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
34790 Where most she satisfies.
34793 Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.
34796 so hide when you bite your nails.
34799 	Murphy was an optimist.
34805 system, because we can't fix it if it breaks -- nobody can.'"
34808 any difference if it takes a while to fix it."
34812 but to continue to fail in high spirits.
34816 local Army National Guard base.  He recently received a substational cash
34817 award from our government for inventing a device for optical scanning.
34820 home-made, hand-held model.
34825 	a. Don't kill anybody.
34826 	b. Don't build things that do.
34827 	c. And don't pay other people to kill anybody.
34829 We expect annual savings to be in the billions.
34833 but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
34835 Our documentation manager was showing her 2 year old son around the office.
34837 holding bags of popcorn.  We were both holding bottles of juice.  But only
34838 *he* had a lollipop.
34840 	Her reply: "He can have a lollipop any time he wants to.  That's
34841 what it means to be a programmer."
34845 emergency...  Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we
34846 did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant sums demanded.
34848 to have been quite real.
34851 Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
34853 Our informal mission is to improve the love life of operators worldwide.
34858 They are but broken lights of thee.
34861 Our OS who art in CPU, UNIX be thy name.
34863 In kernel as it is in user.
34865 Our parents were of Midwestern stock and very strict.  They didn't want us
34866 to grow up to be spoiled and rich.  If we left our tennis racquets in the
34867 rain, we were punished.
34870 Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing.
34871 		-- Roy L. Ash, ex-president, Litton Industries
34874 way to talk about them is lightheartedly.
34876 Our sires' age was worse that our grandsires'.
34878 so in our turn we shall give the world a progeny yet more corrupt.
34881 Our swords shall play the orators for us.
34887 Twelve million miles a minute and that's the fastest speed there is.
34894 Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants.
34895 		-- General Omar N. Bradley
34898 want and are willing to go through hell to get it.
34900 Out of sight is out of mind.
34903 Out of the crooked timber of humanity no straight thing can ever be made.
34906 Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
34908 Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.  Inside a dog it's too
34909 dark to read.
34911 Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it is too
34912 dark to read.
34915 Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.  Inside of a dog, it's too
34916 dark to read.
34920 need of the manager than the programming task.
34925 errors by providing for recovery from them.  An interesting footnote to this
34929 system.
34930 		-- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage
34932 		   Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4.
34936 powerful resource -- a check, a sacrifice, a stalemate.  Afterwards the
34943 Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
34948 Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
34950 Owe no man any thing...
34953 Oxygen is a very toxic gas and an extreme fire hazard.  It is fatal in
34954 concentrations of as little as 0.000001 p.p.m.  Humans exposed to the
34955 oxygen concentrations die within a few minutes.  Symptoms resemble very
34956 much those of cyanide poisoning (blue face, etc.).  In higher
34957 concentrations, e.g. 20%, the toxic effect is somewhat delayed and it
34958 takes about 2.5 billion inhalations before death takes place.  The reason
34960 oxygen in 20% concentration.  It apparently contributes to a complex
34962 always fatal.
34965 fact it is habit forming.  The first inhalation (occurring at birth) is
34966 sufficient to make oxygen addiction permanent.  After that, any
34968 symptoms resembling those of cyanide poisoning.
34970 Oxygen is an extreme fire hazard.  All of the fires that were reported in
34971 the continental U.S. for the period of the past 25 years were found to be
34973 in question.
34977 too late.
34981 	(1)  If someone says he will do something "without fail," he won't.
34982 	(2)  The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make.
34983 	(3)  People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
34984 	(4)  Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.
34986 paak, n:	A stadium or inclosed playing field. To put or leave (a
34987 			a vehicle) for a time in a certain location.
34988 patato, n:	The starchy, edible tuber of a widely cultivated plant.
34989 Septemba, n:	The 9th month of the year.
34990 shua, n:	Having no doubt; certain.
34991 sista, n:	A female having the same mother and father as the speaker.
34993 			or as a vegetable.
34994 troopa, n:	A state policeman.
34995 Wista, n:	A city in central Masschewsetts.
34996 yaad, n:	A tract of ground adjacent to a building.
35001 	and snagging your eyelid on a nail.
35007 	Sliding down a 50-foot razor blade into a bucket of alcohol.
35009 Pain is just God's way of hurting you.
35012 	Never open a box you didn't close.
35016 panic: kernel segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
35025 Paralysis through analysis.
35028 	A healthy understanding of the way the universe works.
35030 Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
35032 Paranoia is heightened awareness.
35034 Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
35036 Paranoid Club meeting this Friday.
35037 Now ... just try to find out where!
35039 Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems.  It's easy
35040 to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
35041 		-- D.J. Hicks
35043 Pardon me while I laugh.
35046 didn't have much of anything to do with it.
35050 	bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.
35054 	regardless of the amount of work to be done.
35056 Parsley is gharsley.
35059 Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
35063 	so much you can't even remember their names.
35067 	in his grave if he knew about it.
35072 	grave if he knew about it.
35074 Pascal is a language for children wanting to be naughty.
35075 		-- Dr. Kasi Ananthanarayanan
35077 Pascal is not a high-level language.
35081 	The Pascal system will be replaced next Tuesday by Cobol.
35082 	Please modify your programs accordingly.
35086 	death of Blaise Pascal, your programs will be run at half speed.
35088 Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.
35093 Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
35096 	unclean?  Now did you know... preying birds... praying mantises...
35098 	eat those.  Nothing that does not have both fins and scales.  Most
35099 	CREEPING things...
35101 P:	A caterpillar doesn't have a backbone.  Nothing without a backbone
35102 	can get in.
35106 [...]
35107 P:	The hog, the squirrel... little squirrels.  Who would want to eat
35109 A:	If you're starving.  If you're starving in the park one day.
35111 A:	No, you SINGE 'em.  You SINGE 'em and eat 'em.  *I* read about the
35112 	Donner Pass, I know what man does when he's hungry.
35114 A:	That's sick, SURE.  But a MAN eating a squirrel -- that's (heh, heh)
35115 	par for the course, Charlie.
35118 Patch griefs with proverbs.
35122 	A method of publicizing inventions so others can copy them.
35124 "Pathetic," he said.  "That's what it is.  Pathetic."
35126 "As I thought," he said, "no better from *this* side."
35129 Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as virtue.
35132 Patience is the best remedy for every trouble.
35135 Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
35136 		-- S. Johnson, "The Life of Samuel Johnson" by J. Boswell
35138 In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last
35139 resort of the scoundrel.  With all due respect to an enlightened but
35140 inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.
35143 When Dr. Johnson defined patriotism as the last refuge of a scoundrel,
35144 he ignored the enormous possibilities of the word reform.
35145 		-- Sen. Roscoe Conkling
35147 Public office is the last refuge of a scoundrel.
35150 Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
35153 Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)
35156 Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
35160 	item costs, it's how much you save.
35163 	You can't fall off the floor.
35165 Pause for storage relocation.
35171 	Christmas Club, and payroll savings plan contributions.
35176 potato.
35182 tubered skies.
35188 Peace be to this house, and all that dwell in it.
35191 can only be achieved by understanding.
35192 		-- A. Einstein
35195 of land... let there be no more wars.
35200 	periods of fighting.
35205 4 cups sugar           16 tbsp. milk
35206 4 cups brown sugar     4 tsp. vanilla
35208 8 eggs                 4 tsp. soda
35209 4 cups peanut butter   4 tsp. salt
35211 Shape dough into balls. Roll in sugar and bake on ungreased
35212 cookie sheet at 375 F. for 10-12 minutes.  Immediately top
35214 to crack cookie.  Makes a hell of a lot.
35218 	the week that has a "y" in it.
35221 	A car with only one working headlight.
35225 when he made the comment that earns him a place in my Hall of Fame.  Second
35226 baseman Steve Sax was having trouble making his throws.  Other players were
35227 diving, screaming, signaling for a fair catch.  At the same time, Guerrero,
35229 Tom Lasorda's stomach.  Lasorda decided it was time for one of his famous
35231 base like that?  You've gotta be thinking about something besides baseball.
35233 	"I'm only thinking about two things," Guerrero said.  "First, `I
35234 hope they don't hit the ball to me.'"  The players snickered, and even
35235 Lasorda had to fight off a laugh.  "Second, `I hope they don't hit the ball
35236 to Sax.'"
35240 	A window fan.
35243 The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
35245 Pelorat sighed.
35246 	"I will never understand people."
35247 	"There's nothing to it.  All you have to do is take a close look
35248 at yourself and you will understand everyone else.  How would Seldon have
35253 -- no offense intended."
35257 	Animals who are not penguins can only wish they were.
35262 	A federally insured chain letter.
35265 attention) have often been likened to snowflakes.  This analogy is meant to
35266 suggest that each is unique -- no two alike.  This is quite patently not the
35267 case.  People ... are simply a dime a dozen.  And, I hasten to add, their
35269 tendency to turn, after a few warm days, to slush.
35272 People are always available for work in the past tense.
35274 People are beginning to notice you.
35275 Try dressing before you leave the house.
35277 People are like onions -- you cut them up, and they make you cry.
35279 People are unconditionally guaranteed to be full of defects.
35281 People don't change; they only become more so.
35284 four times...
35287 times, four time, five times...
35290 if they have anything else to amuse them.
35291 		-- S. Johnson
35293 People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
35297 election.
35301 rather than surrender any material part of their advantage.
35305 result of the past than a cause of the future.
35307 People respond to people who respond.
35309 People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they
35311 		-- D.L. Roth
35314 have been left out on the pleasure.
35320 the concentration camps.
35322 People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
35325 to die for.  The problem is, they usually want the rest of us to die for
35326 it too.
35328 People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.
35331 People usually get what's coming to them -- unless it's been mailed.
35334 much better press than people who are just funny and smart.
35338 them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
35340 People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.
35343 People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
35346 there is no way of taking advantage of them.
35349 people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
35352 People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
35354 People who push both buttons should get their wish.
35356 People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
35359 cold baths.
35362 greatly annoy those of us who do.
35365 you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
35367 People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
35369 People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
35372 	(1) Some people who can, shouldn't.
35373 	(2) Some people who should, won't.
35374 	(3) Some people who shouldn't, will.
35375 	(4) Some people who can't, will try, regardless.
35376 	(5) Some people who shouldn't, but try, will then blame others.
35378 Per buck you get more computing action with the small computer.
35379 		-- R.W. Hamming
35381 Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
35382 [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.]
35384 [May they perish who have expressed our bright ideas before us.]
35387 Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
35390 	One who makes his host feel at home.
35393 anything to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.
35397 to add, but when there is no longer anything to take away.
35401 	A statement of the speed at which a computer system works.  Or
35402 	rather, might work under certain circumstances.  Or was rumored
35403 	to be working over in Jersey about a month ago.
35405 Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered.
35406 I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
35410 poetry without a certain unsoundness of mind.
35413 Perhaps the biggest disappointments were the ones you expected anyway.
35417 order to get power we would have to become very much like them.  (Lenin's
35418 fatal mistake, both in theory and in practice.)
35420 Perhaps the world's second words crime is boredom.  The first is
35421 being a bore.
35425 an art deeper than we ourselves possess.
35428 Periphrasis is the putting of things in a round-about way.  "The cost may be
35429 upwards of a figure rather below 10m#." is a periphrasis for The cost may be
35430 nearly 10m#.  "In Paris there reigns a complete absence of really reliable
35431 news" is a periphrasis for There is no reliable news in Paris.  "Rarely does
35434 periphrasis for November, and another for lingers.  "The answer is in the
35435 negative" is a periphrasis for No.  "Was made the recipient of" is a
35436 periphrasis for Was presented with.  The periphrasis style is hardly possible
35439 nature, reference, regard, respect".  The existence of abstract nouns is a
35442 by many held to be inseparable.  These good people feel that there is an almost
35445 developments."
35449 a merit in political leaders.
35453 You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
35456 Personifiers Unite!  You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!
35460 to find a plot in it will be shot.  By Order of the Author
35465 	wolf from the door.
35469 	his pants.
35472 	A man who invites the wolf in and appears the next day in a fur coat.
35474 Pete:	Waiter, this meat is bad.
35476 Pete:	A little swallow.
35478 Peter's hungry, time to eat lunch.
35482 	mountains will look after themselves.
35485 	Get up one time more than you're knocked down.
35489 	his incompetence.
35493 	just remember that you may have counted wrong.
35497 		are filled with something sticky.
35498 	(2) No cute baby in a carriage is ever a girl when called one.
35499 	(3) Things that tick are not always clocks.
35500 	(4) Suicide only works when you're bluffing.
35504 	the window of a vending machine too long.
35507 Phasers locked on target, Captain.
35510 because it is next to exciting Camden, New Jersy.
35512 Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
35515 	The ability to bear with calmness the misfortunes of our friends.
35518 	Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
35520 Phone call for chucky-pooh.
35524 	will bring it back to life).
35528 the most miserable thing you can do.
35529 		-- Robert B. Goodman
35530 		[Who has clearly never tried to use a PDP-10.  Ed.]
35534 chickens and women are not so completely enslaved as farm stock.
35540 She left me not knowing what to do.
35545 Carefree Highway, let me slip away, slip away, on you...
35550 With knowing I got noone left to blame.
35551 Carefree Highway, I got to see you, my old flame...
35556 From the good old faithful feelin' we once knew.
35561 	the thing must be done in an odd-number year.
35564 Not one damn thing do we solve.
35567 Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.
35570 		-- G.S. Koblas
35575 	inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
35579 ruthless in punishing little thieves.
35582 Pilots should avoid using illegal drugs.
35590 So I piped with merry cheer.
35592 So I piped: he wept to hear.
35597 outside where he would beat him to death with a live ocelot.
35600 PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
35602 	by the CIA or FBI.  You have minor influence over your associates
35603 	and people resent your flaunting of your power.  You lack confidence
35604 	and you are generally a coward.  Pisces people do terrible things to
35605 	small animals.
35607 PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
35609 	Express card and a weapon.  The world is yours today, as nobody
35610 	else wants it.  Your mortgage will be foreclosed.  You will probably
35611 	get run over by a bus.
35613 PISCES (Feb.19 - Mar.20)
35614 	You will get some very interesting news of a promotion today.
35616 	job you wanted.  Don't lend anyone a car today.  You don't have
35617 	a car.
35620 	A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays.
35623 	intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department.
35628 to the problem set than to the solution set.
35629 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
35635 But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize.
35636 Only be sure to call it research.
35639 Planet Claire has pink hair.
35640 All the trees are red.
35641 No one ever dies there.
35642 No one has a head....
35644 Plastic...  Aluminum...  These are the inheritors of the Universe!
35645 Flesh and Blood have had their day... and that day is past!
35649 because they were liars.  The truth was that Plato knew philosophers
35650 couldn't compete successfully with poets.
35655 	tired of making love to each other.
35657 Please do not look directly into laser with remaining eye.
35660 by asking me to do something for you.
35663 it's difficult enough to cope with you alone.
35668 	 emphysema, or other smoking-caused ailment.
35671 I sometimes forget which side I'm on.
35673 Please go away.
35675 Please help keep the world clean: others may wish to use it.
35677 Please ignore previous fortune.
35679 Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
35684 us being hysterical at the same time.
35700 Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
35705 	For we are young and free.
35707 	Our home is girt by sea.
35709 	Of beauty rich and rare.
35711 	Advance Australia Fair.
35713 	Advance Australia Fair.
35715 Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
35727 Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
35736 	Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
35740 Thank you.  You may resume your seat.
35745 until you are told that those rooms are "punched out."  Once punched out,
35746 we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such.
35747 		-- N. Meyrowitz
35752 solution set.
35753 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
35755 Plots are like girdles.  Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're
35756 of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain
35757 an uncontainable experience.
35758 		-- R.S. Knapp
35762 Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose.
35765 	Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
35768 	Grounds for divorce.
35770 Poland has gun control.
35773 teach children.
35774 		-- W.H. Auden
35776 Political speeches are like steer horns.  A point
35777 here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween.
35778 		-- Alfred E. Neuman
35781 can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
35785 	"face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face).
35786 	Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces.
35789 Politicians are the same everywhere.  They promise
35790 to build a bridge even where there is no river.
35793 Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories.
35794 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
35797 been, and never will be wrong.
35801 funds from the rich by promising to protect each from the other.
35805 without greatness. Those who have greatness within them do not go in
35806 for politics.
35810 dangerous.  In war, you can only be killed once.
35814 systematic organisation of hatreds.
35817 Politics is like coaching a football team.  You have to be smart
35818 enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest.
35820 Politics is not the art of the possible.  It consists in choosing
35821 between the disastrous and the unpalatable.
35824 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.  I have come to
35825 realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
35829 week, next month and next year.  And to have the ability afterwards to
35830 explain why it didn't happen.
35834 torches of martyrdom to the reformers of error.
35837 Politics makes strange bedfellows, and journalism makes strange politics.
35841 	A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
35842 	The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
35846 	The hyperactive child is never absent.
35849 	Dead parrot.
35851 Polymer physicists are into chains.
35856 	pull it open.
35859 Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866.  The white
35861 on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his name had hilarious
35862 possibilities.  The crowds fell about, helpless with laughter, singing
35870 streaming down their faces.  The event set a record for hilarious civic
35872 Bompzidaize was elected Landburgher of Koln in 1653.
35875 Populus vult decipi.
35876 [The people like to be deceived.]
35878 Porsche; there simply is no substitute.
35882 	Being mistaken at the top of your voice.
35884 Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.
35887 Post proelium, praemium.
35888 [After the battle, the reward.]
35890 Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
35896 populated by soybean created imitations under the evil Dick Tater.  Thanks to
35897 him, the soy-potatoes learn that being a 'tater is where it's at.  Memorable
35902 unsuspecting, would-be teen camp cooks.  Scenes include a girl being stuffed
35904 with beets and dressing.  Definitely not for the squeamish, or those on
35905 diets that are driving them crazy.
35907 	FRIDAY THE 13TH DINER II,III,IV,V,VI: Much, much more of the same.
35908 Except with sour cream.
35915 behind this).  Most quotable line: "Ah'll be baked..."
35919 of the low-cal Scallopinni Brothers.  Plenty of smokeouts, fry-em-ups, and
35920 general butter-melting by all.
35927 	as anyone lacks anything he would like to have.
35929 Poverty begins at home.
35932 poor people.
35936 	The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
35938 Power corrupts.  Absolute power is kind of neat.
35941 Power is poison.
35943 Power is the finest token of affection.
35946 Pollutes whate'er it touches...
35949 Power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.
35952 PPRB -- Pillage, plunder, rape and burn.
35955 they would take a little more time for dreaming.
35956 		-- J.P. McEvoy
35958 Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.
35962 sentiment to muddle their thinking.
35965 Practice is the best of all instructors.
35968 Practice yourself what you preach.
35972 	Vast plains covered by treeless forests.
35974 Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
35977 Praise the sea; on shore remain.
35982 	of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
35985 Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
35988 Predestination was doomed from the start.
35990 Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.
35994 	A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
35997 Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
35998 		-- D.E. Knuth
36000 Preserve the old, but know the new.
36007 pundits and forecasters and has decided on an excess prophets tax.
36010 of the vote.  In a democracy, that's not called quitting.
36016 	It's on the other side.
36019 	It's all a game -- play it to have fun.
36022 the working man, he loves to see him work.
36026 largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thought.
36033 And he did -- nine soliloquies later.
36034 		-- Stanley J. Sharpless
36036 Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart.  Harvard's is a subtle
36037 taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco.  It may even be a bad habit, for
36038 all I know.
36039 		-- Prof. J.H. Finley '25
36042 	A statement of the importance of a user or a program.  Often
36045 	badly than someone else.
36047 Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion.
36050 Prizes are for children.
36054 Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
36057 She lays eggs in the Relative When.
36059 Because she's unable to postulate How.
36063 	A man who never buys.
36065 Producers seem to be so prejudiced against actors who've had no training.
36066 And there's no reason for it.  So what if I didn't attend the Royal Academy
36068 I can.  Why doesn't anyone send me the scripts that Faye Dunaway gets?
36071 Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
36073 Professor Gorden Newell threw another shutout in last week's Chem Eng. 130
36074 midterm.  Once again a student did not receive a single point on his exam.
36075 Newell has now tossed 5 shutouts this quarter.  Newell's earned exam average
36076 has now dropped to a phenomenal 30%.
36080 	day.  Once a task is defined as a program ("training program,"
36082 	always justifies hiring at least three more people.
36086 	into error messages.  tr.v. To engage in a pastime similar to banging
36087 	one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward.
36089 Programmers do it bit by bit.
36092 without giant listings; we would find it hard to use them.
36093 		-- D.M. Ritchie
36096 	Mistakes made while you wait.
36098 Programming is an unnatural act.
36102 	invading the body and taking possession of it.
36105 	and viruses invading the body and causing it to malfunction.
36108 cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
36109 		-- G.B. Shaw
36112 is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
36114 Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
36117 Progress was all right.  Only it went on too long.
36120 Promise her anything, but give her Exxon unleaded.
36122 Promising costs nothing, it's the delivering that kills you.
36126 	level where they can't foul up operations.
36128 Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
36130 Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.
36132 This technique is used on equations with 'n' in them.  Induction
36133 techniques are very popular, even the military use them.
36135 SAMPLE:  Proof of induction without proof of induction.
36137 	We know it's true for n equal to 1.  Now assume that it's true
36138 for every natural number less than n.  N is arbitrary, so we can take n
36139 as large as we want.  If n is sufficiently large, the case of n+1 is
36140 trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n.  We can
36141 take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just about n.
36142 	QED.	(QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
36144 Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
36145 	SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
36146 [1] Horses have an even number of legs.
36147 [2] They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
36149 	which certainly is an odd number of legs for a horse.
36150 [4] But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
36151 [5] Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
36157 	constipation (I was just sitting there and...),
36162 	"it stands to reason".
36165 but left to itself, a cold will hang on for a week.
36168 Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them.
36171 Prototype designs always work.
36174 prototype, n.
36177 	upgrade, corrected upgrade, etc.  Unlike its successors, the
36178 	prototype is not expected to work.
36181 where Velveeta cheese appears on the gourmet shelf.
36183 Prunes give you a run for your money.
36187 	with how long you are going to be dead.
36190 shortcomings.
36191 		-- Laurence J. Peter, "Peter's Principles"
36193 Psychics will soon lead dogs to your body.
36196 a therapy.
36199 Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
36201 Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
36202 		-- C.G. Jung
36206 	into a room.
36208 Psychologists think they're experimental psychologists.
36209 Experimental psychologists think they're biologists.
36210 Biologists think they're biochemists.
36211 Biochemists think they're chemists.
36212 Chemists think they're physical chemists.
36213 Physical chemists think they're physicists.
36214 Physicists think they're theoretical physicists.
36215 Theoretical physicists think they're mathematicians.
36216 Mathematicians think they're metamathematicians.
36217 Metamathematicians think they're philosophers.
36218 Philosophers think they're gods.
36220 Psychology.  Mind over matter.
36221 Mind under matter?  It doesn't matter.
36222 Never mind.
36225 virtually guaranteed indicator of sociopathic tendencies.
36229 a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
36232 	Anything that begins well will end badly.
36233 	(Note: The converse of Pudder's law is not true.)
36235 Punning is the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
36243 have plenty of food and water.
36246 PURGE COMPLETE.
36250 	someone, somewhere, is having fun.
36252 Puritanism -- the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
36253 		-- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques"
36257 	don't want it, and then put it in another section.
36260 Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
36262 Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
36264 Pushing forty is exercise enough.
36266 Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer.
36267 Let it simmer.  Meanwhile, broil a good steak.
36268 Eat the steak.  Let the chili simmer.  Ignore it.
36270 		   of Texas.
36272 Put a rogue in the limelight and he will act like an honest man.
36275 Put all your eggs in one basket and -- WATCH THAT BASKET.
36279 Bomb it out, then try again.
36281 We're hacking, hacking, hacking.
36284 This is more than just a game.
36286 It's hacking, hacking, hacking.
36290 Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
36292 Put your best foot forward.
36293 Or just call in and say you're sick.
36295 Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
36298 		-- Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd.
36300 Put your trust in those who are worthy.
36304 		Those who understand what they do not manage.
36305 		Those who manage what they do not understand.
36307 Pyro's of the world... IGNITE !!!
36310 A:	We are Vaxen.
36313 A:	One per person.
36319 A:	With three more bullets.
36323 A:	You have to wait 22 months.
36327 A:	You can hear his ears flapping in the wind.
36330 A:	When his lips move.
36333 A:	He sat on a acorn and waited for spring.
36336 A:	He crawled out on a leaf and waited for autumn.
36346 Q.	How do you keep an Aggie busy at a terminal?
36347 A.	While he's not looking, switch it to "local".
36350 A:	The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles.
36353 A:	You get two scoops of elephant and some rootbeer...
36357 	struck by lightning first.
36360 A:	Throw him a rock.
36363 A:	With a blue-elephant gun.
36367 	a blue-elephant gun.
36370 A:	Take away his credit cards.
36374 A:	He changes the domain.
36377 A:	She asks them for a commitment.
36383 A:	That's proprietary information.  Answer available from AT&T on payment
36384 	of license fee (binary only).
36387 A:	Two.  One to assure everyone that everything possible is being
36388 	done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
36391 A:	Five.  One to screw in the lightbulb and four to share the
36392 		experience.  (Actually, Californians don't screw in
36393 		lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)
36396 A:	Three.  One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all
36397 		those Californians trying to share the experience.
36400 A:	Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
36403 A:	Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
36406 A:	It's indeterminate.
36407 	It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.
36410 A:	They replace your generator.
36413 A:	One more than you can find.
36416 A:	Four.  Two in the front, two in the back.
36419 A:	There's a footprint in the mayo.
36422 A:	There's two footprints in the mayo.
36425 A:	The door won't shut.
36428 A:	There's a VW Bug in your driveway.
36431 A:	None.  We'll fix it in software.
36434 A:	None.  The application can work around it.
36437 A:	None.  We'll document it in the manual.
36440 A:	None.  The user can figure it out.
36443 A:	Just one.  He grasps it firmly and the universe revolves around him.
36446 A:	Four, three to hold it down, and one to rip its head off.
36449 A:	33.  1 to hold the bits and 32 to push the register.
36452 A:	Fifteen.  One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
36455 	left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
36456 	consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
36459 A:	Three.  One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
36463 	the bulb in the first place.
36466 A:	One.  Only it's his light bulb when he's done.
36473 upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of
36478 parties.
36480 limited to, the following.  The party of the first part shall, with or without
36484 non-negotiable.  Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part
36487 consistent with all relevant and applicable local, state and federal statutes.
36489 shall have the option of beginning installation.  Aforesaid installation shall
36492 should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
36495 produce the most possible revenue for the Partnership.
36498 A:	You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb.  Now, if
36499 	you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...
36502 A:	I'll have to get back to you on that.
36505 A:	None:  The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
36508 A:      One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem
36509 	to the earlier joke.
36511 Q:	How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
36513 A:	Seven.  Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
36516 	that he's a doctor, not an electrician).  Scotty, after checking
36518 	that he "canna" see in the dark.  Kirk will make an emergency stop at
36520 	from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
36523 	killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
36526 	warp out of orbit.  Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
36527 	and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
36529 	given all lightbulbs they can carry.  The new bulb is then inserted
36530 	and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.
36534 A:	Three.  One to do it, one to watch, and the third to shoot the
36535 		witness.
36539 	out from under him.
36543 	to really want to change.
36547 	the ship out of disgrace."
36550 	a fight.  They consider it to be a disgrace, though it's
36551 	pretty good for a LBJ.  Ed.]
36555 	with brightly colored machine tools.
36557 	[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur.  Ed.]
36560 A:	One.
36563 A:	2 bits.
36565 Q:	How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
36566 A:	9 edge down.
36570 A:	Who knows?  The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
36573 A:	Easy.  It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
36574 	bottles into the typewriter.
36576 Q:	Somebody just posted that Roman Polanski directed Star Wars.
36580 	believing that!  Very good of you to spot this.  You'll probably
36582 	can.  No time to lose, so certainly don't wait a day, or check to
36583 	see if somebody else has made the correction.  And it's not good
36584 	enough to send the message by mail.  Since you're the only one who
36590 A:	"The elephants are coming over the hill."
36594 A:	Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
36598 	they go down on you.
36601 A:	You can park in the handicapped zone.
36605 A:	Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years".
36608 A:	The very best person they can possibly be.
36611 A:	Things.
36614 A:	Coke.  (Because Things go better with Coke.)
36617 A:	The impossible dream.
36620 A:	Rule the country.
36623 A:	The same middle name.
36626 A:	A dope ring.
36629 A:	To cover up the valve stem.
36632 A:	Diyathinkhesaurus.
36635 A:	Diyathinkhesaurus Rex.
36638 A:	A stick.
36641 A:	An interpreter.
36644 A:	They forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
36647 A:	A wind tunnel.
36650 A:	What does it matter?  He can't come anyway.
36652 	[I got a dog with no legs -- I call him Cigarette.
36653 		Every night, I take him out for a drag.  Ed.]
36657 A:	The Moron Tab and Apple Choir.
36660 A:	Six sick Sikhs (sic).
36663 A:	A good start.
36667 A:	A deep C diva.
36669 Q.	What do you call a TV set that fixes itself?
36670 A.	A Christian Science Monitor.
36674 A:	A failure.
36678 A:	A howdah duty.
36682 A:	Ewe nicks.
36685 A:	An offer you can't understand.
36691 A:	Not enough sand.
36694 A:	She goes home.
36697 A:	To keep her neck warm.
36700 A:	Tell her a joke on Friday.
36704 	a delicious dessert.
36707 A:	Open other end.
36710 A:	Exploding sheep.
36713 A:	A dinner party.
36716 A:	Moby Pickle.
36719 A:	Feet.
36722 A:	A ball point carrot.
36725 A:	Open other end.
36728 A:	A boolean grape.
36731 A:	An Abelian grape.
36734 A:	Alexander the Grape.
36741 A:	One leg is both the same.
36744 A:	Yogurt has culture.
36747 A:	Her bowling shoes.
36750 A:	I think I'm drunk.
36759 A:	Mu.
36762 A:	A nervous wreck.
36766 A:	Nothing.
36769 A:	Two nuns in a chainsaw fight.
36772 A:	Somebody who tells Aggie jokes.
36775 A:	A doberman.
36778 A:	I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N... ah, oh well..
36779 	I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea...
36782 A:	Artificial intelligence.
36785 A:	Shine a flashlight in their ear.
36787 Q.	What's the capital of Canada?
36788 A.	American.
36792 A:	There are skid marks in front of the dog.
36795 A:	You can't get down off an elephant.
36798 A:	You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
36801 A:	The moustache.
36804 A:	One more drunk.
36807 A:	The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
36809 Q.	What's the difference between Los Angeles and yogurt?
36810 A.	Yogurt has a living, active culture.
36813 A:	A canary with the super-user password.
36816 A:	Zorn's Lemon.
36822 A:	Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
36825 A:	Lawn Boy.
36831 A:	Because he was hungry.
36834 A:	To see what was on the other side.
36837 A:	More head room.
36840 A:	She opens the car door.
36843 A:	He was giving it last rites.
36846 A:	To see his friend Gregory peck.
36849 A:	To get to the other slide.
36852 A:	To get to the other slide.
36855 A:	He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
36858 A:	Because he left a residue at every pole.
36861 A:	Because that was her name.
36864 A:	To get to the middle.
36867 A:	To stamp out forest fires.
36870 A:	To stamp out flaming ducks.
36873 A:	To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
36876 A:	To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
36884 	an eye on the two intellectuals.
36888 A:	God gave New Jersey first choice.
36891 A:	Because they get their head stuck in the jars.
36894 A:	To keep their ankles warm.
36897 A:	Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
36900 A:	The cats keep trying to bury them.
36903 A:	Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar.  If they drink
36905 	visiting, they always take three.
36909 	gets all the credit.
36913 A:	That's the Law of Spline Demand.
36916 A:	It takes too long to retrain them.
36922 A:	There's white-out on the screen.
36926 A:	'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
36929 A:	It wasn't IBM compatible.
36935 A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
36938 A: The Titanic had a band.
36940 QED.
36943 	 "It's not the despair... I can stand the despair.  It's the hope."
36946 	"A child of 5 could understand this!  Fetch me a child of 5."
36949 	"A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem."
36952 	All I want is a little more than I'll ever get.
36955 	All I want is more than my fair share.
36959 	have to stop and breathe."
36963 	"Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone."
36966 	"East is east... and let's keep it that way."
36970 	I go to work."
36973 	Flash!  Flash!  I love you! ...but we only have fourteen hours to
36977 	"He eats like a bird... five times his own weight each day."
36980 	"Her other car is a broom."
36983 	"He's a perfectionist.  If he married Raquel Welch, he'd expect
36984 	her to cook."
36987 	"He's such a hick he doesn't even have a trapeze in his bedroom."
36993 	"I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent."
36996 	"I am not sure what this is, but an 'F' would only dignify it."
36999 	"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the
37000 other hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out."
37003 	"I drive my car quietly, for it goes without saying."
37006 	"I haven't come far enough, and don't call me baby."
37012 	"I may not be able to walk, but I drive from the sitting position."
37019 	ball in their court.
37020 		-- Hon. J. Hacker (The Ministry of Administrative Affairs)
37024 	didn't work."
37028 	horse with one of the horns broken off."
37035 	it though.  Couldn't figure out a way to connect the snow blower."
37038 	"I used to be an idealist, but I got mugged by reality."
37042 	the lost."
37045 	"I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance."
37048 	"I used to go to UCLA, but then my Dad got a job."
37051 	"I used to jog, but the ice kept bouncing out of my glass."
37055 	dog for dinner."
37058 	"I'd never marry a woman who didn't like pizza.  I might play
37059 	golf with her, but I wouldn't marry her."
37062 	"If he learns from his mistakes, pretty soon he'll know everything."
37065 	"If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the aftershave."
37068 	"If I'm what I eat, I'm a chocolate chip cookie."
37071 	If it's too loud, you're too old.
37074 	"If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it."
37077 	If you're looking for trouble, I can offer you a wide selection.
37080 	"I'll listen to reason when it comes out on CD."
37083 	"I'm just a boy named 'su'..."
37086 	I'm not a nerd -- I'm "socially challenged".
37089 	I'm not bald -- I'm "hair challenged".
37091 	[I thought that was "differently haired". Ed.]
37094 	"I'm not really for apathy, but I'm not against it either..."
37097 	"I'm on a seafood diet -- I see food and I eat it."
37100 	"In the shopping mall of the mind, he's in the toy department."
37104 	stations anymore."
37108 	hands in his own pockets."
37111 	"It's a cold bowl of chili, when love don't work out."
37114 	"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."
37117 	"It's been Monday all week today."
37120 	"It's been real and it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun."
37124 	the ace is missing from his deck altogether."
37127 	"It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name."
37130 	"It's sort of a threat, you see.  I've never been very good at
37131 	them myself, but I'm told they can be very effective."
37134 	"I've always wanted to work in the Federal Mint.  And then go on
37135 	strike.  To make less money."
37139 	all of my stuff."
37142 	I've heard about civil Engineers, but I've never met one.
37145 	"I've just learned about his illness.  Let's hope it's nothing
37146 	trivial."
37152 	"Let's do it."
37156 	"Like this rose, our love will wilt and die."
37160 	mechanics died in 1906 by his own hand.  Paul Ehrenfest, carrying
37161 	on the work, died similarly in 1933.  Now it is our turn.
37165 	Money isn't everything, but at least it keeps the kids in touch.
37169 	her husband work."
37175 	My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips.
37178 	"My shampoo lasts longer than my relationships."
37181 	"Of course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with
37185 	"Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy."
37188 	"Oh, no, no...  I'm not beautiful.  Just very, very pretty."
37191 	"Our parents were never our age."
37194 	"Overweight is when you step on your dog's tail and it dies."
37197 	"Say, you look pretty athletic.  What say we put a pair of tennis
37201 	Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
37204 	"She's about as smart as bait."
37207 	Silence is the only virtue he has left.
37210 	Some people have one of those days.  I've had one of those lives.
37213 	"Sure, I turned down a drink once.  Didn't understand the question."
37216 	Talent does what it can, genius what it must.
37217 	I do what I get paid to do.
37221 	neck to get the dog to play with it."
37224 	"The elder gods went to Suggoth and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
37228 	the snakes have gone away.
37231 	"There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm sure looking."
37234 	"This is a one line proof... if we start sufficiently far to the
37235 	left."
37241 	"Unlucky?  If I bought a pumpkin farm, they'd cancel Halloween."
37249 	when I mess things up."
37253 	"baring your neck."
37256 	"Who?  Me?  No, no, NO!!  But I do sell rugs."
37263 	Well, I treat mine like 'n AMUSEMENT PARK...  S'great...
37267 	How...  tribal."
37270 	"You're so dumb you don't even have wisdom teeth."
37274 to late to punish.
37278 then I thought 'One of us is in real trouble'.
37279 	-- Davey Allison, on a 150 m.p.h. crash
37282 "I want a home, a family, an occasional spanking ..."
37286 "It wouldn't have been anything, even if it were gonna be a thing."
37290 on my part.
37293 On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd say...  oh, somewhere in there.
37296 Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
37300 gerbil has more dark meat.
37307 	and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.
37311 	production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
37314 but its the only one we've got.
37319 Quantum Mechanics is God's version of "Trust me."
37322 	The sound made by a well bred duck.
37327 exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday.  Mannis feels he must
37330 Nazi Martin Bormann.  A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are
37331 weighing the odds of a slander suit.  Mayor Koch could naturally be
37332 reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
37337 	God Invented Grass.
37341 		-- Wm. Shakespeare
37343 QUESTION AUTHORITY.
37350 Questionable day.
37351 Ask somebody something.
37353 Questions are never indiscreet, answers sometimes are.
37358 Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum videtur.
37360 (Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)
37364 	no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
37366 Quit worrying about your health.  It'll go away.
37369 Quite frankly, I don't like you humans.
37370 After what you all have done, I find being "inhuman" a compliment.
37375 	The conservatism of tomorrow injected into the affairs of today.
37376 		-- A. Bierce
37382 Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
37384 Raffiniert ist der Herrgott aber boshaft ist er nicht.
37392 Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
37394 Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
37396 Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
37400 realise that you are in a hurry.
37402 RAM wasn't built in a day.
37405 	as in number, predictable.
37406 	as in memory access, unpredictable.
37408 Rarely do people communicate; they just take turns talking.
37414 saw at the airport...   Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of computer
37415 magazines right next to "People" and "Time" in the airport store.  Does it
37421 A&P checkout counters.  Who's going to be impressed with us electrical
37423 		-- Robert W. Lucky, IEEE president
37428 And drugs cause cramp.
37432 You might as well live.
37437 	the picture.  Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately
37438 	described with pictures.
37441 And find they do not know your name.
37443 And watch the feathers burst the seams.
37445 And feel its chill upon your blood.
37447 And see the darkness bend the flame.
37449 And hear the roar of souls in hell.
37451 And watch the petals curl and wilt.
37453 And know you are alone.
37458 Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
37460 Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
37462 Reagan can't act either.
37464 Real computer scientists despise the idea of actual hardware.  Hardware has
37465 limitations, software doesn't.  It's a real shame that Turing machines are
37466 so poor at I/O.
37468 Real computer scientists don't write code.  They occasionally tinker with
37470 (and rarely count accurately; precision is for applications).
37476 future hardware.  Nobody trusts them to write specs for anything homo sapiens
37477 will ever be able to fit on a single planet.
37481 implement.  Most computer scientists don't notice this because they are
37482 still arguing over what else to add to ADA.
37485 hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
37487 Real programmers don't draw flowcharts.  Flowcharts are, after all, the
37488 illiterate's form of documentation.  Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much
37489 good it did them.
37491 Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
37494 you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers
37496 spring up in the middle of the machine room.
37498 Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN.
37499 FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
37501 Real Programmers don't write in PL/I.  PL/I is for
37502 programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
37504 Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
37506 Real programs don't eat cache.
37508 Real Programs don't use shared text.  Otherwise, how can they
37511 Real wealth can only increase.
37512 		-- R. Buckminster Fuller
37514 Real World, The n.:
37515 	1. In programming, those institutions at which programming may be
37516 used in the same sentence as FORTRAN, COBOL, RPG, IBM, etc.  2. To
37518 programming.  3. A universe in which the standard dress is shirt and tie
37519 and in which a person's working hours are defined as 9 to 5.  4.  The location
37520 of the status quo.  5. Anywhere outside a university.  "Poor fellow, he's
37521 left MIT and gone into T.R.W."  Used pejoratively by those not in residence
37522 there.  In conversation, talking of someone who has entered the real world
37523 is not unlike talking about a deceased person.
37528 Reality always seems harsher in the early morning.
37530 Reality does not exist - yet.
37532 Reality is an obstacle to hallucination.
37534 Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
37537 Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
37539 Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
37543 cannot be fooled.
37544 		-- R.P. Feynman
37549 	An abrupt change of mind after being found out.
37551 Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
37555 flat broke and having a stomach ache.
37558 Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
37561 is being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator.
37562 		-- C.N. Parkinson
37565 his death.  He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar.
37566 "Holy cow," he thinks to himself, "this guy is my idol."  Over at the
37568 bassist is the late Barry Oakley of the Allman Brothers.  So Stevie
37569 Ray's thinking, "Oh, wow!  I've died and gone to rock and roll heaven."
37571 "'Close to You'.  Hit it, boys!"
37579 	Cosmopolitan.
37581 Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you
37582 lose your job.  These economic downturns are very difficult to predict,
37584 Chase Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
37591 		mixture (properly iced or the benzine is lost.)
37592 	(4) Allow four liters of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it.
37594 		Qualactin Hypermint extract.
37595 	(6) Drop in the tooth of an Algolian Suntiger.  Watch it dissolve.
37596 	(7) Sprinkle Zamphuor.
37597 	(8) Add an olive.
37598 	(9) Drink... but... very carefully...
37603 Now I'm protecting it.
37607 Thou shalt reclaim it not.
37610 since it trades description for time.
37612 Recursion: n. See Recursion.
37616 administrative overhead continues to grow at a steady rate.
37618 Regnant populi.
37622 	getting worse.
37626 	an outside force.
37628 Reinhart was never his mother's favorite -- and he was an only child.
37632 	If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
37635 knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
37638 ...relaxed in the manner of a man who
37639 has no need to put up a front of any kind.
37643 	The guy you just met.
37645 Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.
37648 Religion is a crutch, but that's okay... humanity is a cripple.
37650 Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
37653 Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
37656 extraordinarily gifted English artist, Mr. Rippingille.
37660 Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
37663 mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
37667 deserts.
37668 		-- Miss Oglethorp, Gr. 5, PS. 59
37670 Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.
37674 have an established user base.
37677 the first one.
37681 *not* the U.S. Army doing it!"
37685 that you're the one holding it.
37686 		-- Mr. Greenfatigues
37688 Remember: Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
37692 you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
37695 Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.
37699 it could only be worse in Cleveland.
37703 Remember the... the... uhh.....
37707 In this distracted globe.  Remember thee!
37711 That youth and observation copied there.
37714 Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
37716 Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
37717 		-- Mt.
37719 Remember: use logout to logout.
37721 Remembering is for those who have forgotten.
37731 does not necessarily allow the camel to walk again.
37734 	Man is the highest animal.  Man does the classifying.
37736 Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
37739 Repel them.  Repel them.  Induce them to relinquish the spheroid.
37742 Reply hazy, ask again later.
37746 	and dispels it with a tempest of words.
37750 Yogi Berra: "Closed."
37753 Yogi Berra: "If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
37756 		Mr. Gandhi, what do you think of Western Civilization?
37757 Gandhi:		I think it would be a good idea.
37759 Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmatians and eyebrows.
37760 Democrats raise Airedales, kids and taxes.
37762 Democrats eat the fish they catch.
37763 Republicans hang them on the wall.
37765 Republican boys date Democratic girls.  They plan to marry
37766 Republican girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.
37768 Democrats make up plans and then do something else.
37769 Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
37771 Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms.
37772 That is why there are more Democrats.
37776 	What others are not thinking about you.
37780 so you're still a valiant nerd.
37783 and think what nobody else has thought.
37785 Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
37790 	He didn't know where he was going.
37791 	When he got there he didn't know where he was.
37792 	When he got back he didn't know where he had been.
37793 	And he did it all on someone else's money.
37796 think you'll probably get another chance later on.
37799 	Everyone says that having power is a great responsibility.  This is
37800 a lot of bunk.  Responsibility is when someone can blame you if something
37801 goes wrong.  When you have power you are surrounded by people whose job it
37802 is to take the blame for your mistakes.  If they're smart, that is.
37806 actually have a shot at it.
37810 Rev. Jim:	What does an amber light mean?
37811 Bobby:		Slow down.
37812 Rev. Jim:	What...   does...  an...  amber...  light...  mean?
37813 Bobby:		Slow down.
37814 Rev. Jim:	What....     does....     an....     amber....     light....
37816 Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
37818 Revenge is a meal best served cold.
37833 	the next hour, nine beers the next, etc., and stacks the cans in
37838 	A form of government abroad.
37841 	In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
37845 	Repackaged.
37857 	assume otherwise, maybe.
37859 Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed.  It is not fair that some men
37860 should be happier than others.
37863 Richard Nixon was the most dishonest individual I have ever met in my life.
37866 world.
37869 Riches cover a multitude of woes.
37874 			going on here."
37876 		"Your winnings, sir."
37877 Renault:	"Oh.  Thank you very much."
37881 Boy Scout had to double as the town drunk.
37883 "Rights" is a fictional abstraction.  No one has "Rights", neither
37884 machines nor flesh-and-blood.  Persons... have opportunities, not
37885 rights, which they use or do not use.
37888 Ring around the collar.
37891 	(1) Everything has some value -- if you use the right currency.
37892 	(2) Paint splashes last longer than the paint job.
37893 	(3) Search and ye shall find -- but make sure it was lost.
37896 	Someone who's been made by a scientist.
37899 	University administrator.
37902 	Never having to say you're sorry.
37906 	funding agencies will reject the proposal.
37909 become necessary.
37912 Rome was not built in one day.
37915 Rome wasn't burnt in a day.
37920 Said "don't bury me 'cause I ain't dead yet".
37924 	Violets are blue.
37926 	And so am I.
37928 Rotten wood cannot be carved.
37929 		-- Confucius, "Analects", Book 5, Ch. 9
37931 Roumanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler.
37934 Round Numbers are always false.
37937 Row, row, row your bits, gently down the stream...
37946 	$300,000 to $400,000, but they don't.  Why?  Because they can
37947 	stay in Washington and make it there.
37949 Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength.
37953 	do it every time.
37958 	course.
37961 	Elegant violence.
37963 	(Rugby players eat their dead.)
37967 	[A "hooker" is part of the scrum.  Thought you'd want to know.  Ed.]
37970 	Too heavy to lift.
37973 	The Boss is always right.
37976 	If the Boss is wrong, see Rule #1.
37978 Rule #7: Silence is not acquiescence.
37980 not necessarily consent, even the reluctant variety.  They simply may
37982 regain their composure.
37985 	1) Never draw what you can copy.
37986 	2) Never copy what you can trace.
37987 	3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.
37990 	Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
37995 	bathroom.
37997 Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage.
38001 	thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.
38003 Rule the Empire through force.
38007 	1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
38008 	2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
38010 		intersection.
38012 Rules for Good Grammar #4.
38013  1:	Don't use no double negatives.
38014  2:	Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
38015  3:	Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
38016  4:	About them sentence fragments.
38017  5:	When dangling, watch your participles.
38018  6:	Verbs has got to agree with their subjects.
38019  7:	Just between you and i, case is important.
38020  8:	Don't write run-on sentences when they are hard to read.
38021  9:	Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
38022 10:	Try to not ever split infinitives.
38023 11:	It is important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
38024 12:	Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
38025 13:	Correct speling is essential.
38026 14:	A preposition is something you never end a sentence with.
38029 	become ensconced in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.
38032 	Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.  Don't use no double
38033 negatives.  Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate;
38034 and never where it isn't.  Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and
38035 omit it when its not needed.  No sentence fragments. Avoid commas, that are
38036 unnecessary.  Eschew dialect, irregardless.  And don't start a sentence with
38037 a conjunction.  Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
38038 Write all adverbial forms correct.  Don't use contractions in formal writing.
38039 Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  It is incumbent on
38040 us to avoid archaisms.  Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have
38041 snuck in the language.  Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.  If I've
38042 told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.  Also,
38043 avoid awkward or affected alliteration.  Don't string too many prepositional
38045 death.  "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"
38048 	 1. Never eat on an empty stomach.
38049 	 2. Never leave the table hungry.
38050 	 3. When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
38051 	 4. Enjoy your food.
38052 	 5. Enjoy your companion's food.
38053 	 6. Really taste your food.  It may take several portions to
38054 		accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
38055 	 7. Really feel your food.  Texture is important.  Compare, for
38056 		example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
38058 	 8. Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
38059 	 9. Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can
38060 		always eat it later.
38061 	10. Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
38062 	11. Avoid blue food.
38065 Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
38069 	If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.
38071 Russia has abolished God, but so far God has been more tolerant.
38074 Ruth made a great mistake when he gave up pitching.  Working once a week,
38075 he might have lasted a long time and become a great star.
38077 		   from being a pitcher to an outfielder.
38082 	and you will establish yourself as an expert.
38085 	Some people grow with responsibility -- others merely swell.
38087 Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
38090 	A sadist refusing to whip a masochist.
38093 	Beating a dead horse.
38095 Safety Third.
38098 	Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
38100 	1. Little things start bothering you:  little things like worms,
38101 		bugs, ants.
38102 	2. Something is missing in your personal relationships.
38103 	3. Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
38104 	4. You have a hard time getting a waiter.
38105 	5. Exotic birds flock around you.
38106 	6. People ignore you at parties.
38107 	7. You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
38108 	8. You no longer get off on cocaine.
38110 SAGDEEV CALLED ON THE U.S. TO MAKE A RECIPROCAL GESTURE:
38115 space research facility in response to U.S. complaints that the radar would
38116 violate the ABM treaty.  Sagdeev suggested that the U.S. reciprocate by
38117 turning the unfinished U.S. embassy in Moscow into a nuclear crisis reduction
38118 center.  The communication system, he pointed out, is already in place.
38121 	You are optimistic and enthusiastic.  You have a reckless
38122 	tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.  The majority of
38123 	Sagitarians are drunks or dope fiends or both.  People laugh at
38124 	you a great deal.
38126 SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
38127 	Move slowly today, be deliberate.  Indications are for bleeding
38128 	ulcers.  Drink milk.  Try not to be your usual offensive and
38129 	obnoxious self.  Call your mother.
38131 SAGITTARIUS (Nov.22 - Dec.21)
38133 	backfire when you learn that she was waiting for a bus.  Subdue
38134 	impulse you have to push her out into traffic.
38138 the ashtray."
38140 Sailing is fun, but scrubbing the decks is aardvark.
38144 Even while we died, others rode out the storm.
38146 Saints should always be judged guilty until they are proved innocent.
38150 in small amounts over a long period of time.
38154 		with me.
38156 		to share.  We're trained to protect ourselves by not
38157 		letting anyone too close.  Good grief, if I go around
38158 		sharing everything with you, you could hang me out to dry.
38159 Sally:	It's called "trust," Ted.
38161 		uncharted waters here.
38165 Norm:  How to sit.  How to drink.  Want to quiz me?
38169 Norm:  Beats me. ...  Then it kicks me and leaves me for dead.
38172 Woody: How would a beer feel, Mr. Peterson?
38173 Norm:  Pretty nervous if I was in the room.
38177 Norm:  Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
38178 Sam:   Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer...
38179 Norm:  Yeah, yeah, yeah...
38180 Sam:   One heartburn cocktail coming up.
38184 Norm:  Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.  And down it goes.
38187 Woody:  What's your pleasure, Mr. Peterson?
38188 Norm:   Boxer shorts and loose shoes.  But I'll settle for a beer.
38192 Norm: Any cheap, tawdry thing that'll get me a beer.
38196 Norm: Hiya, sailor.  New in town?
38199 Norm: [coming in from the rain] Evening, everybody.
38200 All:  Norm!  (Norman.)
38202 Norm: That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.
38206 Norm: My birthday, Sammy.  Give me a beer, stick a candle in
38207       it, and I'll blow out my liver.
38210 Woody: Hey, Mr. P.  How goes the search for Mr. Clavin?
38211 Norm:  Not as well as the search for Mr. Donut.
38212        Found him every couple of blocks.
38216 Norm: Most of my wife.
38220 Norm:  Naah, I'd probably just drink it.
38224 Norm:  Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst.  I happen
38225        to be the guinea pig.
38230 	good cheeseburger, no matter how hard you try.
38233 	Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
38235 San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city.  I don't mean the
38236 people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy.  When
38237 they boo you, you know they mean *you*.  Music, that's what it is to me.
38238 One time in Kezar Stadium they gave me a standing boo.
38241 San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
38244 Sanity and insanity overlap a fine grey line.
38246 Sank heaven for leetle curls.
38251 He's a Communist.
38254 Must be a pacifist.
38258 Santa Claus comes in your house at night.
38259 He must be a dope fiend to get you up tight.
38262 		-- Arlo Guthrie, "The Pause of Mr. Claus"
38269 					     \__\_ :. ___/
38270 						..\  /--
38271  :.______ :  .:*  :  . _ .:  :..  .  :   . .  :    ()_ .:
38272   ((     \. :./(__ :._O_)________:______,____:____/  *\_o
38273 ====((    \: (****) (***) :. ...: .. .  ()_______/\\ __-'
38274  \____((   \ ()oo()_/ /.:  :  ..________/_____ll   -/.: ..
38275  (      ((  \(())))__/   .  ..  \\.: ..(   )  ll (  l_.:
38276 (       / (( \__*__)___:___ :  : ))   .) /--------\ \ \
38277 (      /    ((_____________) .. //  . / / /..:: .  )_)_\
38278  (____/_____________________\__// :  /_/_/  :..  :/_/ \_\
38283 Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
38286 	If you see a bright streak in the sky coming at you, duck.
38288 Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
38290 Satire is tragedy plus time.
38293 Satire is what closes in New Haven.
38295 Satire is what closes Saturday night.
38299 	It works better if you plug it in.
38304 You sit in the park and you watch the grass die.
38307 Satyrs have more faun.
38310 	You want it bad, you'll get it bad.
38313 surprised at how little you have.
38316 Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
38318 Save energy: be apathetic.
38320 Save gas, don't eat beans.
38322 Save gas, don't use the shell.
38326 Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
38337 And the big blue sky.
38338 		-- R.W. Service
38347 Our middle-aged shots do us justice.
38350 You see, 'tis the justice, disgusts us.
38351 		-- Thomas H. Hildebrandt
38356 Still behold me at your side.
38361 Still you have my heart to wear.
38367 Say no, then negotiate.
38370 Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
38372 Say "twenty-three-skiddoo" to logout.
38379 	which a business decision is made.  Scenarios always come in
38380 	sets of three: best case, worst case, and just in case.
38382 Scenary is here, wish you were beautiful.
38386 room.  A rather largish man in a big red suit with white fur and red and
38389 shoulder.  His eyebrows are raised, matter-of-factly, as he spies the boy
38390 intently watching him.
38393 	"I'm sorry you've seen me, Billy.  Now I'll have to kill you.
38397 	but that's because they use more manure.
38399 Schizophrenia beats being alone.
38403 	hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
38408 	than a thin person.
38411 science and faith are in complete discord.
38413 Science Fiction, Double Feature.
38414 Frank has built and lost his creature.
38415 Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet.
38416 The servants gone to a distant planet.
38417 Wo, oh, oh, oh.
38418 At the late night, double feature, Picture show.
38419 I want to go, oh, oh, oh.
38420 To the late night, double feature, Picture show.
38423 Science is built up of facts, as a house is with stones.  But a
38425 is a house.
38428 Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.
38430 Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
38432 Science may someday discover what faith has always known.
38435 Who alterest all things with thy peering eyes.
38451 than they do about what attracts mosquitoes.
38452 		-- Dr. Joyce Brothers,
38455 Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question.
38457 was built. Finally the big day was at hand.  All the computers were
38458 linked together.  They asked the question, "Is there a God?".  Lights
38459 started blinking, flashing and blinking some more.  Suddenly, there
38462 together.  "There is now", came the reply.
38467 Highly resembling a gem carbonaceous.
38469 Fain how I pause at your nature specific.
38471 Scintillation is not always identification for an auric substance.
38474 	You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.  You will achieve
38475 	the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.  Most
38476 	Scorpio people are murdered.
38478 SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
38479 	Friends abound today, seeking repayment of past loans.  Smile.  Check
38480 	for concealed weapons.  Your natural cheerfulness makes others want
38481 	to throw up.  Knock it off.
38483 SCORPIO (Oct.24 - Nov.21)
38485 	dollars in prizes.  It will be from a magazine trying to get you to
38487 	to win.  You never learn.
38490 	No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
38494 	to have been wrong in the first place.
38498 	equation.
38501 Kirk:	Analysis, Mr. Spock?
38502 Spock:	Captain, it doesn't appear in the symbol table.
38504 Spock:	Affirmative.
38505 Kirk:	Mr. Sulu, go to pass two.
38506 Sulu:	Aye aye, sir, going to pass two.
38510 And the system is going to crash.	And the system is going to crash.
38511 Teletypes smashed to bits.		Mem'ry cards, one and all,
38513 And the system is going to crash.	And the system is going to crash.
38516 You turn the disk readers into trash.	And the tape drives will crumble
38517 Oh, it's so much fun,				in a flash.
38519 And the system is going to crash.	Can print nothing out but "foo,"
38520 					The system is going to crash.
38527 Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
38530 	The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's signature goes.
38536 Sears has everything.
38538 Seattle is so wet that people protect their property with watch-ducks.
38542 	will pick the wrong one.
38546 	you will spell it wrong, anyway.
38550 	distractingly attractive student in the class will sit next to you.
38552 Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
38555 	Filing almost everything under "the".
38562 Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
38563 She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
38567 Some savage, spectacular suicide.
38571 the second one should have seen it.
38574 was going on.  One of the onlookers explained to him that there was a Mooney
38576 himself to demonstrate his commitment to the Rev. Moon.  The man gasped and
38577 asked what was being done to defuse the obviously dangerous situation.
38579 far I've got two Bics, four Zippos and eighteen books of matches."
38581 Seeing is believing.
38582 You wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't believed it.
38584 Seeing is deceiving.  It's eating that's believing.
38588 Will come when it will come.
38591 Seek simplicity -- and distrust it.
38595 driving down a mountain when the brakes gave out.  They screamed down the
38598 rocks.  They all got out of the car:
38599         The computer engineer said, "I think I can fix it."
38601 into town and have a specialist look at it."
38603 in and see if it does it again."
38606 counter and rings the bell.  The pharmacist walks up and asks, "Can I help
38607 you?".
38608 	The duck replies, "Yes, I'd like a box of condoms, please."
38614 to turn it into a thriving enterprise.  The fields are grown over with weeds,
38615 the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.
38619 	A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer.
38623 are filled with crops planted in neat rows.  "Amazing!" the preacher says.
38630 register.
38632 	"Yeah, you could say that," answers the old man.
38634 	"A few."
38638 bears know yer there so's they can run away ...  I'll take one fer black
38639 bears, and one fer them grizzlies.  Say, how do you know yer in grizzly
38641 	"Look fer scatt.  Grizzly scatt's different from black bear scatt."
38643 	"Bear bells."
38645 Seems that a pollster was taking a worldwide opinion poll.
38654 doctor about it. The physician made a number of tests, and informed the man
38655 that the only thing for his headaches was castration.  After a few more
38656 months, the headaches became so intense that the man agreed to the operation.
38658 and he decided to purchase a new wardrobe to make himself feel better.
38660 up and down, and says, "Well, let's start with shirts... 15 neck, 34 sleeve."
38661 	The guy is amazed.  "How'd you know?"
38663 a quarter inch on every piece of clothing."  The salesman's claim is borne
38664 out.  Slacks, 34 waist, 32 inseam; jacket: 42 long.  And so on and so forth.
38666 some new underwear.
38667 	The salesman looks at him and says, "Okay, that'll be a 34."
38668 	"No, that's wrong," says the man.  "I've always worn a 32."  The
38669 salesman insists, pointing out his accuracy so far.  The man argues, agreeing
38670 that while he's been right so far, he has always worn a 32 in shorts.
38672 you *have* to wear a 34.  Otherwise, you'll get these *awful* headaches."
38675 Joy.  But she sidestepped, and they missed.
38681 	Ice Cream cures all ills.  Temporarily.
38687 Send some filthy mail.
38689 Sendmail may be safely run set-user-id to root.
38694 	with whom one happens to disagree.
38697 little since all opponents of the regime are automatically called communists.
38698 In fact he is further to the right than General Batista.
38701 Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
38703 Sentimentality -- that's what we call the sentiment we don't share.
38707 	The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
38713 	Marriage is always a bachelor's last option.
38715 Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
38717 Set the cart before the horse.
38721 swank hotel in New York.  Most of the major stars of the chess world were
38723 retired to the lobby of the hotel for a little refreshment.  In the lobby,
38725 fastest, and the best chess player in the world.  The argument got quite
38726 loud, as various players claimed that honor.  At that point, a security
38728 anything I just can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
38731 Is all my brain and body need.
38733 Are very good indeed.
38739 Lots of other ways...
38742 Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly.
38744 Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.
38747 Sex is about as important as a cheese sandwich.  But a cheese sandwich,
38748 if you ain't got one to put in your belly, is extremely important.
38751 Sex is an emotion in motion.
38755 for diet Coke."
38758 Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
38764 Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation...  The other eight are
38765 unimportant.
38768 Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated.
38769 		-- M.C. Reed
38772 most amount of trouble.
38776 repeated until infinity.
38779 		   1973.
38782 as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
38786 how children do not come into the world.
38793 		-- J.M. Barrie
38796 pietists to oppress the human race.
38801 	that is beginning to improve.
38804 	To give in, endure humiliation.
38808 	and only a fool will want to use it.
38811 good.
38817 the unfortunate tendency to go rancid several hours after use.
38821 worry that it might poison the men who kissed the women who wore it."
38826 I thought I'd blow her mind...
38829 she got rice marks all over her face.
38835 She can freeze with a frown.
38836 And a wave of her hand brings the whole system down.
38837 And she works on her code until ten after three.
38838 She lives like a bat but she's always a hacker to me.
38841 She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.
38844 She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring - they applaud.
38846 She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
38851 left.  Excited a few men in the meantime.
38853 	   involvement in "The Avengers".
38856 a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
38859 (though she very seldom followed it).
38862 She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.
38865 She say, Miss Colie, You better hush.  God might hear you.
38866 Let 'im hear me, I say.  If he ever listened to poor colored
38867 women the world would be a different place, I can tell you.
38870 She sells cshs by the cshore.
38903 good at being short.
38906 She was only a moonshiner's daughter, but I love her still.
38908 She was only a mortician's daughter but anyone cadaver.
38914 	than they have downhill sections.
38916 "Shelter", what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
38922 aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
38924 		   bad fiction contest.
38927 him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him.  Such an excess
38928 of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature.
38932 that others waste time putting into words.
38934 She's so tough she won't take 'yes' for an answer.
38937 The kind you don't take home to mother.
38939 Once you get her off the street.
38941 She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
38944 Shhh... be vewy, vewy, quiet!  I'm hunting wabbits...
38947 	There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
38959 Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
38961 Shirley MacLaine died today in a freak psychic collision today.  Two freaks
38964 of Asinine Flake Entertainers].  Excerpted from some of his more quotable
38967 	"Truly a woman of the times.  These times, those times..."
38968 	"A Renaissance woman.  Why in 1432..."
38969 	"A man for all seasons.  Really..."
38973 body join her long dead brain.
38975 Sho' they got to have it against the law.  Shoot, ever'body git high,
38976 they wouldn't be nobody git up and feed the chickens.  Hee-hee.
38979 Short people get rained on last.
38981 Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.
38984 Show me a good loser in professional sports and I'll show you an idiot.
38985 Show me a good sportsman and I'll show you a player I'm looking to trade.
38989 show you a man who playing golf with his boss.
38991 Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
38993 Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
38995 Showing up is 80% of life.
38998 Si Dieu n'existait pas, il faudrait l'inventer.
39001 Si jeunesse savait, si vieillesse pouvait.
39002 [If youth but knew, if old age but could.]
39007 Sic transit gloria mundi.
39008 [So passes away the glory of this world.]
39011 Sic Transit Gloria Thursdi.
39013 Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
39015 Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
39017 Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help.
39020 Silence can be the biggest lie of all.  We have a responsibility to speak
39022 raise bloody hell.
39025 Silence is the element in which great things fashion themselves.
39028 Silence is the only virtue you have left.
39031 [translation: look it up...hint-fin]
39033 Silly is a state of Mind, Stupid is a way of Life.
39035 Silly Sally was baby sitting.  But Silly Sally was getting bored.  Thinking
39036 a walk would help, she put the baby in his carriage.  Silly Sally pushed the
39037 carriage and pushed the carriage up this hill and down that one.  She pushed
39040 intersection in town.   BUT!
39042 Silly Sally just laughed and la.....ug.......h....e....d...........
39045 Silly Sally was playing in the garage.  And she was being disobedient.
39046 She was playing with matches...  AND...  She burned down the garage.
39050 Silly Sally just laughed and la.....ug.......h....e....d...........
39054 	If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
39057 	Everything put together falls apart sooner or later.
39059 Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
39061 Simulations are like miniskirts, they show a lot and hide the essentials.
39064 Sin boldly.
39067 Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
39069 Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.
39070 All other "sins" are invented nonsense.
39071 (Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid).
39075 when others believe him.
39082 this moment in space-time -- your receiving this fortune.
39086 burst out in laughter.
39090 My life is all erratic.
39092 Is now transmitting static.
39094 The cat keeps doing poo.
39096 Is talking to my shoe.
39099 Since we cannot hope for order, let us withdraw with style from the chaos.
39103 alive.
39108 Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
39110 Sir, it's very possible this asteroid is not stable.
39114 I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
39118 Eden, and getting pretty desperate. "God!" he cried, "rescue me from
39121 God replied "OK, I have just the thing. Keep you warm and relaxed all
39122 the days of your life.  Never complains.  Looks up to you in every way.
39123 It'll cost you though".
39125 "Sounds ideal" said Adam. "The society of the beasts of the field and
39126 the birds of the air palls after a while.  What's the price?"
39128 "An arm and a leg", said God.
39130 Adam thought about it for a bit and finally sighed.  "So, what can I get
39134 objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets.  Imagination without skill
39135 gives us modern art.
39141 	should have gotten.
39153 spits on its hands, and goes to work.
39155 Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not, when
39157 songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I neither saw nor heard as
39158 those without might see and hear.  They told a tale which was then altogether
39161 anguish.  Every tone was a testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God
39162 for deliverance from chains.
39165 Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
39166 		-- W.C. Fields
39168 Sleep is for the weak and sickly.
39171 	1)  Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
39172 	2)  A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
39175 	    attracted to dark objects.
39178 	If you do a job too well, you'll get stuck with it.
39180 Slow day.
39181 Practice crawling.
39185 	sits in the dish too long.
39188 Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
39190 Small is beautiful.
39193 Small things make base men proud.
39196 Smartness runs in my family.  When I went to school I was so smart my
39197 teacher was in my class for five years.
39202 Smile!  You're on Candid Camera.
39204 Smile, Cthulu Loathes You.
39206 Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult.
39211 	U.S. government Environmental Impact Narrative Statement (EINS),
39213 	the environment, and anticipated opposition.  Statements must be
39214 	filed 30 days in advance.
39216 Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
39219 Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.
39221 Smuggling... It's not just a job, it's an adventure!
39227 	have materialized.
39230 Snakes.  Why did it have to be snakes?
39233 	What you'd say if you had another chance.
39235 Snoopy: No problem is so big that it can't be run away from.
39238 that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
39240 Snow Day -- stay home.
39242 Snow White has become a camera buff.  She spends hours and hours
39243 shooting pictures of the seven dwarfs and their antics.  Then she
39244 mails the exposed film to a cut rate photo service.  It takes weeks
39246 with Snow White.  She clears the table, washes the dishes and sweeps
39247 the floor, all the while singing "Someday my prints will come."
39249 So... did you ever wonder, do garbagemen take showers before they
39252 So do the noble fall.  For they are ever caught in a trap of their own making.
39253 A trap -- walled by duty, and locked by reality.  Against the greater force
39255 of obligations.  And when the noble fall, the base remain.  The base -- whose
39256 only purpose is the corruption of what the noble did protect.  Whose only
39257 purpose is to destroy.  The noble: who, even when fallen, retain a vestige of
39258 strength.  For theirs is a strength born of things other than mere force.
39259 Theirs is a strength supreme... theirs is the strength -- to restore.
39263 word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.
39268 way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist.
39269 		-- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire
39272 of action.  Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Dirbanu on a
39278 extrapolate the location of their kitchens).
39279 		-- T. Sturgeon, "The World Well Lost"
39281 So... how come the Corinthians never wrote back?
39286 So I'm ugly.  So what?  I never saw anyone hit with his face.
39292 So little time, so little to do.
39296 to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
39298 So many beautiful women and so little time.
39301 So many men and so little time.
39303 So many men, so many opinions; every one his own way.
39308 So many women, so little nerve.
39325 chickens.
39348 into this.
39349 	-- "To Linda", from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot,
39350 	   composed for Linda Wertheimer of National Public Radio.
39355 into the shop. "What! no soap?"  So he died, and she very imprudently
39359 out at the heels of their boots.
39363 and yet it is not; it is but so so.
39366 So... so you think you can tell
39378 So the documentary-makers stick with sharks.  Generally, their procedure is
39380 waters.  I would estimate that the primary food source of sharks today is
39381 bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making documentaries.  Once the
39382 sharks arrive, they are generally fairly listless.  The general shark attitude
39383 seems to be: "Oh God, another documentary."  So the divers have to somehow
39384 goad them into attacking, under the guise of Scientific Research.  "We know
39386 say, in a deeply scientific voice.  "That is why Todd is going to jab this
39387 Great White in the testicles with a cattle prod."  The divers keep this kind
39390 development, although clearly it is what they wanted all along.
39393 So this it it.  We're going to die.
39402 Santa Claus is coming, to town.
39405 He know when you're awake.
39407 He has ties with the CIA.
39408 So...
39411 	want to go to someplace, you know, with me, sometime."
39412 "Well, I can think of a lot of worse things, David."
39414 "Why not, David, it might even be fun."
39419 tomorrow, why, it already happened.  You see, it's just a little universal
39421 the instant.  So go to sleep, Antonio, your thread could break any moment
39423 eternity, the anti-time.  So go to sleep...
39425 So you think that money is the root of all evil.
39429 So you're back... about time...
39432 massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
39436 	You have two cows.  Give one to your neighbour.
39438 	You have two cows.
39439 	Give both to the government.  The government gives you milk.
39441 	You sell one cow and buy a bull.
39443 	You have two cows.  Give milk to the government.
39444 	The government sells it.
39446 	The government shoots you and takes the cows.
39449 	milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink.
39451 	Keep the cows.  Steal another one.  Shoot the government.
39453 	Freeze the milk.  Embalm the cows.
39456 like a staff function."
39460 "user-friendly".  ...  Their best approach, so far, has been to take all
39461 the old brochures, and stamp the words, "user-friendly" on the cover.
39462 		-- Bill Gates, Microsoft, Inc.
39467 They run into the millions.
39469 Solipsists of the World... you are already united.
39473 optical power to observe them over the horizon.
39474 		-- K.A. Arsdall
39477 and some few to be chewed and digested.
39479 	[As anyone who has ever owned a puppy already knows.  Ed.]
39481 Some changes are so slow, you don't notice them.
39482 Others are so fast, they don't notice you.
39485 as when you find a trout in the milk.
39488 Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
39490 Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
39492 Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.
39500 and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
39503 Some men are discovered; others are found out.
39506 about sex at all... they become lawyers.
39510 that they hire detectives to find out the reason for it.
39512 Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit.
39516 the woman who marries them is a grudge.
39520 lest she should catch a cold on overexposure.
39523 Some men rob you with a six-gun -- others with a fountain pen.
39527 second fiddle aren't in the band at all.
39529 Some of my readers ask me what a "Serial Port" is.
39530 The answer is: I don't know.
39535 I can find for "landskap").  These laws were written down sometime in the
39536 13th century, but date back even down into Viking times.  The oldest one is
39538 Christian stuff.  In this law, we find a page about "lekare", which is the
39539 Old Norse word for a performing artist, actor/jester/musician etc.  Here is
39541 "lekare".
39542 	"If an artist is beaten, none shall pay fines for it.  If an artist
39545 	it out on the hillside.  Then they shall shave off all hair from the
39546 	heifer's tail, and grease the tail.  Then the artist shall be given
39547 	newly greased shoes.  Then he shall take hold of the heifer's tail,
39548 	and a man shall strike it with a sharp whip.  If he can hold her, he
39549 	shall have the animal.  If he cannot hold her, he shall endure what
39550 	he received, shame and wounds."
39553 in peoples' memories never really happened.
39557 ...Everybody's looking for something.
39560 Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
39564 and some of the future prevented at all costs.
39566 Some people are afraid of heights.  I'm afraid of widths.
39570 subtlety if it hit them on the head.
39574 two-dimensional ones.
39575 		-- F. Frederick Skitty
39577 Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
39580 they go; others, whenever they go.
39583 but at least you only have to climb it once.
39586 that will last, at least until they've finished building it.
39589 only one life to live, let me live it as a jerk."
39591 Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
39594 they themselves have no knowledge of them.
39596 Some people live life in the fast lane.
39597 You're in oncoming traffic.
39600 don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
39603 for their painful imaginary ailment.
39605 Some people only open up to tell you that they're closed.
39607 Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for.
39609 Some people say a front-engine car handles best.  Some people say a
39610 rear-engine car handles best.  I say a rented car handles best.
39611 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
39613 Some peoples mouths work faster than their brains.
39614 They say things they haven't even thought of yet.
39616 Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
39619 Some say in ice.
39621 I hold with those who favor fire.
39629 Some scholars are like donkeys, they merely carry a lot of books.
39632 Some things have to be believed to be seen.
39634 Somebody left the cork out of my lunch.
39635 		-- W.C. Fields
39638 so that the pens will multiply instead of disappear.
39643 When he ran onto the road, and tried to argue with a truck.
39646 Decapitating tweety birds, and masticating mice.
39649 He's nobody's moggy now.
39652 Be sure to keep him in.
39654 The truck is bound to win.		On the road way
39656 Don't let him play or frolic.		There will be one last despairing
39662 He's nobody's moggy now.
39665 Somebody's terminal is dropping bits.
39666 I found a pile of them over in the corner.
39669 typewriter is the machine, or the person who operates it.
39671 Someday, Weederman, we'll look back on all this and laugh... It will
39673 blood-curdling maniacal scream... but still it will be a laugh.
39676 Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.
39681 Someday your prints will come.
39685 when I was passing through satisfaction.
39688 Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
39691 City.  One is "Hey, taxi."  Two is, "What train do I take to get to
39692 Bloomingdale's?"  And three is, "Don't worry.  It's just a flesh wound."
39695 Someone is speaking well of you.
39697 Someone is speaking well of you.
39700 Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
39702 Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
39704 Someone will try to honk your nose today.
39706 Something better...
39708  1 (obvious): Excuse me.  Is that your nose or did a bus park on your face?
39709  2 (meteorological): Everybody take cover.  She's going to blow.
39711 	something larger.  Like ... Wyoming.
39712  4 (personal): Well, here we are.  Just the three of us.
39713  5 (punctual): Alright gentlemen.  Your nose was on time but you were fifteen
39714 	minutes late.
39715  6 (envious): Oooo, I wish I were you.  Gosh.  To be able to smell your
39716 	own ear.
39717  7 (naughty): Pardon me, Sir.  Some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't
39718 	mind putting that thing away.
39719  8 (philosophical): You know.  It's not the size of a nose that's important.
39720 	It's what's in it that matters.
39721  9 (humorous): Laugh and the world laughs with you.  Sneeze and its goodbye
39722 	Seattle.
39723 10 (commercial): Hi, I'm Earl Schibe and I can paint that nose for $39.95.
39724 11 (polite): Ah.  Would you mind not bobbing your head.  The orchestra keeps
39725 	changing tempo.
39726 12 (melodic): Everybody! "He's got the whole world in his nose."
39729 Something unpleasant is coming when men are anxious to tell the truth.
39732 Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
39735 Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder...
39736 and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn.
39737 		-- N.V. Plyter
39739 Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
39743 fool is despised only because he is a lawyer.
39747 smiling and shaking their hands, I want to kick them.
39748 		-- Richard M. Nixon
39750 Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.
39754 Looking at me, I got nothin' to say.
39756 Either light up or leave me alone.
39760 world.
39764 And sometimes I live in town.
39766 To jump in the river and drown.
39769 world is a cigarette and I'm the only ashtray.
39771 Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind.
39772 Then it passes off and I'm as intelligent as ever.
39775 Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
39778 Sometimes it happens.  People just explode.  Natural causes.
39781 Sometimes love ain't nothing but a misunderstanding between two fools.
39784 back my head and gargle. Just gargle and gargle and I don't care who hears
39785 me because I am beautiful.
39786 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
39788 Sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking something.
39791 Other times I can hardly see.
39793 What a long strange trip it's been.
39796 Sometimes, too long is too long.
39799 Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar.  I feel
39802 forget about it.  That's what is known as real maturity.
39806 to me, it's all I can do to keep from telling her.
39810 else is driving.
39813 Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
39815 Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
39818 woman giving birth to a child.  She must be found and stopped.
39821 Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
39825 the seal is not yet broken.  And he is going to offer to bet you that he can
39826 make the Ace of Spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in your ears.
39827 But son, do not bet this man, for you will end up with a ear full of cider.
39830 Sooner or later you must pay for your sins.
39831 (Those who have already paid may disregard this cookie).
39833 Sorry.  Nice try.
39835 Sorry never means having you're say to love.
39837 Space is big.  You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly
39838 big it is.  I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the
39839 drug store, but that's just peanuts to space.
39842 Space is to place as eternity is to time.
39845 Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.
39848 Space: the final frontier.  These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise.
39850 and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before.
39851 		-- Captain James T. Kirk
39854 	Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
39860 	Because he knows it teases.
39881 Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
39885 mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee.  Of all divers,
39886 thou has dived the deepest.  That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
39887 moved amid the world's foundations.  Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
39890 water-land, there was thy most familiar home.  Thou hast been where bell or
39892 would give their lives to lay them down.  Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
39894 wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them.  Thou saw'st the
39898 have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms.  O head! thou has
39901 		-- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
39905 all-encompassing monster.  Allocate an array and free the middle third?
39910 recursive macro?  Well, no, but Real Men use rescan.  How could a language
39916 who can't communicate with their parents, and so on.  And the characters in
39918 bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate.  I feel that if a person can't
39923 on sale.  After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
39927 young adventurers.  All available tonight, as usual, in the graduate
39928 students bullpen from 11: pm on, usual terms and conditions.
39929 Faculty members especially welcome.
39933 when the driver will be permitted to make what he can.
39937 	Never stow away on a kamikaze plane.
39939 Spend extra time on hobby.  Get plenty of rolling papers.
39942 	A bachelor's wife.
39946 	right in your eye.
39950 attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
39952 Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
39956 	trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
39959 Life is skittles and life is beer.
39962 	The button at the top of a baseball cap.
39965 Squirrels eating squirrels, my God, that's sick.
39967 St. Patrick was a gentleman
39969 drove all the snakes from Ireland.
39973 forget the good St. Patrick
39974 and see all those snakes again.
39976 Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
39978 Staff meeting in the conference room in 3 minutes.
39980 Stalin was dying, and summoned Khruschev to his bedside.  Wheezing his last
39982 now in your hands.  But before I go, I want to give you some advice."
39983 	"Yes, yes, what is it?" says Khruschev, impatiently.  Reaching under
39984 his pillow, Stalin produced two envelopes labeled #1 and #2.
39985 	"Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely -- don't
39986 open them.  Only if the country is in turmoil and things aren't going well,
39987 open the first one.  That'll give you some advice on what to do.  And, if
39988 after that, if things start getting REALLY bad, open the second one."  And
39989 with a gasp Stalin breathed his last.
39991 unemployment increased, crops failed, people became restless.  He decided it
39992 was time to open the first letter.  All it said was: "Blame everything on me!"
39994 for all the excesses and purges and ills of the present system.
39996 deliberation, Khruschev opened the second letter.
39997 	All it said was: "Write two letters."
39999 Stamp out organized crime!!  Abolish the IRS.
40001 Stamp out philately.
40004 	The principles we use to reject other people's code.
40007 no means the only 'certain' standard.  If you mistake what is relative for
40008 something certain, you have strayed far from the ultimate truth.
40011 Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
40014 they give them "just one more reason" to stay in and study every night.
40022 Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
40023 		-- W.C. Fields
40025 Start the day with a smile.
40026 After that you can be your nasty old self again.
40069 	prejudices in convincing scientific guise.
40071 Statistics are no substitute for judgement.
40074 Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
40076 Stay away from flying saucers today.
40078 Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
40080 Stay the curse.
40082 Stay together, drag each other down.
40090 Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it...
40094 Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool.
40098 But I'm glad for what we had and that I once loved you...
40100 But it's too late baby...
40101 It's too late, now darling, it's too late...
40104 Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time.  So
40106 hooks into, there is room for lateral movement.  Once this begins,
40107 its rate is a matter of discretion.
40110 Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
40113 	Good enough is never good enough.
40117 	I believe I'll have another drink.
40119 Stellar rays prove fibbing never pays.
40120 Embezzlement is another matter.
40123 	The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up.
40126 Or the rain will never come.
40127 Somebody keep the fire burning, someone come and beat the drum.
40132 Still a few bugs in the system... Someday I have to tell you about Uncle
40134 so he could breed boneless shad.  His experiment backfired too, and he
40135 wound up with bony jellyfish... which was hardly worth the trouble.  There's
40136 very little call for those up there.
40137 		-- Allucquere R. "Sandy" Stone
40139 Still looking for the glorious results of my misspent youth.
40142 Stinginess with privileges is kindness in disguise.
40143 		-- Guide to VAX/VMS Security, Sep. 1984
40147 	but what someone pulls your flippers off.
40152 Stop!  There was first a game of blindman's buff.  Of course there was.
40154 in his boots.  My opinion is, that it was a done thing between him and
40155 Scrooge's nephew; and that the Ghost of Christmas Present knew it.  The
40157 on the credulity of human nature.
40161 Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
40163 Stop searching.  Happiness is right next to you.
40164 Now, if they'd only take a bath...
40166 Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
40168 Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
40177 By the firm of Druids, Inc.		The prototype was sold;
40179 					Would ship for Celtic gold.
40185 	spat,				What's in your brochure's pages.
40188 "And belly up they'll go."		Druid repute went down the chute
40189 					Because they couldn't deliver.
40190 		-- Edward C. McManus, "The Computer at Stonehenge"
40193 	A comprehensive plan of inaction.
40197 	after those creating it have left the organization.
40199 Straw?  No, too stupid a fad.  I put soot on warts.
40201 Stress has been pinpointed as a major cause of illness.  To avoid overload
40202 and burnout, keep stress out of your life.  Give it to others instead.  Learn
40204 "Do you feel okay?  You look pale." approach.  Start with negotiation and
40205 implication.  Advance to manipulation and humiliation.  Above all, relax
40206 and have a nice day.
40208 Stuckness shouldn't be avoided.  It's the psychic predecessor of all
40209 real understanding.  An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an
40210 understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors.
40211 		-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
40214 	Our problems are mostly behind us.
40215 	What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
40218 	Losing $25 on the tackle and $25 on the instant replay.
40220 Stupidity is its own reward.
40222 Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
40224 Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re.
40225 Se non e vero, e ben trovato.
40228 editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
40232 way before it is understood.
40235 the streets after them.
40238 Success is a journey, not a destination.
40240 Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
40242 Success is in the minds of Fools.
40246 made of things.
40247 		-- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion"
40249 Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
40251 Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
40255 I had made it up.
40258 when the greatest warriors are the ones who stand for peace.
40261 petty, boring, ponderous, thankless, and of the utmost criticality.
40264 Such evil deeds could religion prompt.
40271 	at this point I'll take his first name, too.
40276 The Path there is, but none who travel it.
40279 Suggest you just sit there and wait till life gets easier.
40281 Suicide is simply a case of mistaken identity.
40283 Suicide is the sincerest form of self-criticism.
40286 Sum quod eris.
40289 Ascending into the heavens, life is forever.
40293 	The Network IS the Load Average.
40298 	progressively reducing solar elevation.
40301 have ample wages, but truth goes a-begging.
40308 Supervisee: Yes.
40309 		-- Overheard at a supervision.
40311 Support Bingo, keep Grandma off the streets.
40315 Support the American Kidney Foundation.
40316 Don't wear your motorcycle helmet.
40325 Support your local church or synagogue.
40326 Worship at Bank of America.
40336 analogy, the answer is shattering.  Today you would be able to buy a
40338 it would deliver enough power to drive the Queen Elizabeth II.  And if you
40340 a pinhead.
40343 Sure, Reagan has promised to take senility tests.
40346 Sure there are dishonest men in local government.  But there are dishonest
40347 men in national government too.
40348 		-- Richard M. Nixon
40350 Sure there are dishonest men in local government.  But there are
40351 dishonest men in national government too.
40354 "Surely you can't be serious."
40355 "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley."
40357 Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
40359 Surprise!  You are the lucky winner of random I.R.S Audit!
40360 Just type in your name and social security number.
40367 Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
40369 Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
40373 	strapped on with electrical tape.
40376 	The way of the tuna.
40378 Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.
40379 		-- Wm. Shakespeare
40381 Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
40384 	A garment worn by a child when their mother feels chilly.
40386 Sweet April showers do spring May flowers.
40390 And her voice is changing -- from "No" to "Yes".
40393 whereon my soul is grooved to run.  Over unsounded gorges, through
40399 	He who shouts the loudest has the floor.
40402 			unusually pale and clear.
40403 Problem:		Glass empty.
40404 Action Required:	Find someone who will buy you another beer.
40407 			and the front of your shirt is wet.
40409 			wrong part of face.
40410 Action Required:	Buy another beer and practice in front of mirror.
40411 			Drink as many as needed to perfect drinking technique.
40415 Symptom:		Everything has gone dark.
40416 Fault:			The Bar is closing.
40417 Action Required:	Panic.
40419 Symptom:		You awaken to find your bed hard, cold and wet.
40420 			You cannot see the bathroom light.
40421 Fault:			You have spent the night in the gutter.
40422 Action Required:	Check your watch to see if bars are open yet.  If not,
40423 			treat yourself to a lie-in.
40427 Symptom:		Feet cold and wet, glass empty.
40428 Fault:			Glass being held at incorrect angle.
40430 			toward ceiling.
40432 Symptom:		Feet warm and wet.
40433 Fault:			Improper bladder control.
40434 Action Required:	Go stand next to nearest dog.  After a while complain
40436 			demand a beer as compensation.
40440 Symptom:		Floor blurred.
40441 Fault:			You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
40442 Action Required:	Find someone who will buy you another beer.
40444 Symptom:		Floor moving.
40445 Fault:			You are being carried out.
40446 Action Required:	Find out if you are taken to another bar.  If not,
40447 			complain loudly that you are being kidnapped.
40451 Symptom:		Floor swaying.
40453 			game in progress.
40454 Action Required:	Insert broom handle down back of jacket.
40457 			and pretzels or cigarette butts in mouth.
40458 Fault:			You have fallen forward.
40459 Action Required:	See above.
40462 			fluorescent light strips.
40463 Fault:			You have fallen over backward.
40465 			drinking arm, stay put.  If not, get someone to help
40466 			you get up, lash yourself to bar.
40470 Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.
40471 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
40473 System checkpoint complete.
40475 System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
40477 System going down at 5 this afternoon to install scheduler bug.
40479 System going down in 5 minutes.
40481 System restarting, wait...
40491 	Works equally poorly on all systems.
40494 infinitum -- which is why we're always starting over.
40495 		-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
40500 	are to receive from your boss.
40502 Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult.
40503 		-- R.S. Barton
40505 T:	One big monster, he called TROLL.
40507 	Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies.
40508 	He just Love To Eat Them Roguies.
40512 	Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.
40515 	The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
40517 Tact consists in knowing how far to go in going too far.
40520 Tact in audacity is knowing how far you can go without going too far.
40524 an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
40526 Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
40529 he gets speared is when he raises to spout.
40531 Take an astronaut to launch.
40534 necessities will take care of themselves.
40535 		-- L. Long
40537 Take Care of the Molehills, and the Mountains Will Take Care of Themselves.
40540 Take everything in stride.
40541 Trample anyone who gets in your way.
40544 	Do something that should have been done a long time ago.
40546 Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
40552 but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool.
40557 have given them to you.
40559 Take what you can use and let the rest go by.
40562 Take your dying with some seriousness, however.
40564 by less-advanced life-forms, and they'll call you crazy.
40567 Take your Senator to lunch this week.
40570 take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously.
40574 got were re-runs of The Mickey Mouse Club.
40575 		-- Rev. Jim
40577 Talent does what it can.
40578 Genius does what it must.
40579 You do what you get paid to do.
40581 Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.
40583 Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
40586 Talkers are no good doers.
40589 Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
40592 Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.
40596 Nile last night as Cleopatra and sank.
40600 Tan me hide when I'm dead.
40602 It's hanging there on the shed.
40604 All together now...
40606 	Tie me kangaroo down.
40608 	Tie me kangaroo down.
40611 will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar.
40612 		-- B. Franklin
40615 	You are practical and persistent.  You have a dogged determination
40616 	and work like hell.  Most people think you are stubborn and bull
40617 	headed.  You are a Communist.
40619 TAURUS (Apr. 20 to May 20)
40621 	find you boorish and headstrong.  Travel, promotion, and romance
40622 	highlighted, if you live long enough.  Don't take any wooden nickels.
40624 TAURUS (Apr.20 - May 20)
40626 	because you're going to miss the bus again today anyway.  You will
40627 	decide to lose weight today, just like yesterday.
40630 	Den of inequity.
40633 tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."
40638 	the only one for which you can get an extension.
40640 Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
40644 Gong, n: Medieval term for privvy, or what passed for them in that era.
40645 Today used whimsically to describe the aftermath of a bogon attack. Think
40646 of our community as the Galapagos of the English language.
40648 "Vogons may read you bad poetry, but bogons make you study obsolete RFCs."
40652 when they grow up, they won't be able to edge a car onto a freeway.
40654 Teachers have class.
40657 	Having someone to blame.
40659 Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
40661 Technicality, n.  In an English court a man named Home was tried for
40662 slander in having accused a neighbor of murder.  His exact words were:
40665 side upon the other shoulder."  The defendant was acquitted by
40668 being only an inference.
40673 before me the whole problem in one mass. After three years I no longer saw
40674 this mass.  Instead, I used subroutines.  But now I see nothing.  My whole
40675 being exists in a formless void.  My senses are idle.  My spirit, free to
40676 work without plan, follows its own instinct.  In short, my program writes
40677 itself.  True, sometimes there are difficult problems.  I see them coming, I
40678 slow down, I watch silently.  Then I change a single line of code and the
40679 difficulties vanish like puffs of idle smoke.  I then compile the program.
40680 I sit still and let the joy of the work fill my being.  I close my eyes for
40681 a moment and then log off.
40684 with more efficient means for going backwards.
40687 Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
40689 Tehee quod she, and clapte the wyndow to.
40694 but weren't sure.  But if you're searching for something you don't
40695 already know, your fingers could walk themselves to death.
40698 telephone, n.:
40700 making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
40706 	burden on the directory assistant.
40709 Television -- a medium.  So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
40712 Television -- the longest amateur night in history.
40715 Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs.
40719 each other.
40722 Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
40726 that it is scraping the top of the barrel.
40730 rather than each other.
40733 believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have
40734 to touch to be sure.
40739 If I were thou, I'd call me us.
40747 And I will tell you just why I love you.
40752 	Sexual hormones are why I love you.
40756 		-- A. Hope
40760 Tempt not a desperate man.
40764 shoot some craps.  The stakes were enormous, the tension palpable.
40766 entire wad, shook the dice and rolled.  A smile crossed his face as a seven
40768 his sleeve and fell to the ground with the two others.  No one said a word.
40770 handed the others to Dutsky.
40771 	"Roll 'em," Lucci said.  "Your point is thirteen."
40774 shoot some craps.  The stakes were enormous, the tension palpable.
40776 entire wad, shook the dice and rolled.  A smile crossed his face as a
40778 of his sleeve and fell to the ground with the two others.  No one said a
40779 word.  Finally, Killer Lucci picked up the third die, put it in his pocket
40780 and handed the others to Dutsky.
40781 	"Roll 'em," Lucci said.  "Your point is thirteen."
40783 Ten persons who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.
40787 way of telling you to stop writing.
40788 		-- R. Geis
40793 To see the rate you drink your beer.
40795 It gives a chap the belly-ache.
40799 To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
40801 Your friends to death before their time.
40803 Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad.
40804 		-- A.E. Housman
40807 school, and then work, work, work till we die.
40808 		-- C.S. Lewis
40813 to risk offending God's grandmother.
40816 Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D.  He was a pagan,
40818 his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...]  To him is ascribed the
40819 sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe because it is absurd).
40822 	is absurd.  And buried he rose again, which is certain because it
40823 	is impossible."
40825 philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it.
40826 		-- C.G. Jung, "Psychological Types"
40827 	[Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church.  Ed.]
40831 	of water, agitating gently for 15 minutes.  Strain out leaves,
40832 	leaving a brownish-yellow solution.  Add 100 mg each of sodium
40833 	bicarbonate and sodium dithionite. If paraquat is present,
40834 	the solution will turn blue-green.
40836 Testing can show the presence of bugs, but not their absence.
40837 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
40839 Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
40842 	Not enough gin.
40845 century.  It introduces a standard language for computer typography, and in
40846 terms of importance could rank near the introduction of the Gutenberg press.
40850 of Academics because he was concerned about his players' mental abilities.
40852 unbelieving dean.  At this point, one of his players happened to enter
40853 the dean's office.  "Let me show you what I mean", said Sherrill, and he
40854 told the player to run over to his office to see if he was in.  "OK, Coach",
40855 the player replied, and was off.  "See what I mean?" Sherrill asked.
40856 "Yeah", replied the dean.  "He could have just picked up this phone and
40857 called you from here."
40859 Texas is Hell on woman and horses.
40862 Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
40864 That all men should be brothers is the dream of people who have no brothers.
40867 That does not compute.
40869 That feeling just came over me.
40872 That government is best which governs least.
40877 in the same way as us.
40883 It said "Good-bye.
40886 That must be wonderful: I don't understand it at all.
40891 narrow-minded and bigoted segments of the community.
40893 That that is is that that is not is not.
40895 That, that is, is.
40896 That, that is not, is not.
40897 That, that is, is not that, that is not.
40898 That, that is not, is not that, that is.
40900 ...that the notions of "hardware", and "software" should be extended by
40902 hardware.  This produces an obvious extension to the concept of MONITORS.
40905 REAL-TIME EXECUTIONER to delete liveware that adversely affects ...
40908 That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
40910 That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
40914 remarkable.  Amid all the scolding, to be able to think!  But he could not
40915 write: that was impossible.  Socrates has not left us a single book.
40919 something new; everyone thinks you're crazy.
40920 		-- Evelyn E. Smith
40922 That's life.
40924 A magazine.
40926 Two-fifty.
40927 	I only have a dollar.
40928 That's life.
40930 That's life for you, said McDunn.  Someone always waiting for someone
40931 who never comes home.  Always someone loving something more than that
40932 thing loves them.  And after awhile you want to destroy whatever that
40933 thing is, so it can't hurt you no more.
40934 		-- R. Bradbury, "The Fog Horn"
40937 omnipotent, let me tell you 'tabernacle' has only one l."
40940 That's no moon...
40943 That's odd.  That's very odd.
40946 That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.
40949 That's the most fun I've had without laughing.
40952 That's the thing about people who think they hate computers.  What they
40953 really hate is lousy programmers.
40957 returning to Capistrano, but the sound of a bat on a ball.
40960 That's what she said.
40962 That's where the money was.
40965 It's a rather pleasant experience to be alone in a bank at night.
40968 The  White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
40969 	"Where shall  I  begin, please your Majesty ?" he asked.
40971 "and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
40974 The 11 is for people with the pride of a 10 and the pocketbook of an 8.
40975 		-- R.B. Greenberg
40979 	with a bottom line divisible by 5.
40981 The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
40983 The 'A' is for content, the 'minus' is for not typing it.
40984 Don't ever do this to my eyes again.
40988 	The shortest distance between two points is off the wall.
40990 The absence of labels [in ECL] is probably a good thing.
40991 		-- T. Cheatham
40993 The absent ones are always at fault.
40995 The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
40996 		-- A. Camus
40998 The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
41001 The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech.
41005 hope nor comfort in sinking to that low level.  I think it is ignorance that
41007 undismayed at the proximity of "normal" to average and mediocre.  For surely
41008 anyone who achieves anything is, essentially, abnormal.
41009 		-- Dr. Karl Menninger, "The Human Mind", 1930
41012 does not need to grieve over having an ugly one back home.
41016 he is already degraded.
41020 facts.  Seek simplicity and distrust it.
41021 		-- Whitehead.
41024 belongs to the roommate with the earliest class.
41026 The algorithm for finding the longest path in a graph is NP-complete.
41027 For you systems people, that means it's *real slow*.
41031 The tocsin of the soul, -- the dinner bell.
41035 fit to create Frenchmen in the image of Englishmen.
41039 to form on teeth around 4:00 PM in the afternoon.
41041 Film at 11:00.
41044 eagle -- on the back of a dollar.
41049 opportunity if we only seize it with both hands and make the most of it.
41053 pavement is precisely 1 bananosecond.
41056 in billigrahams.
41059 just as the Jacquard loom weaves flowers and leaves.
41064 Races".  Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and,
41065 even better, nobody has to play it.
41069 	I don't mind... and you don't matter.
41071 		-- As revealed to reporter G. Rivera by Swami Havabanana
41073 The Angels want to wear my red shoes.
41074 		-- E. Costello
41077 with which you can threaten your enemies.
41081 sinning, it merely prevents him from enjoying his sin.
41084 The angry man always thinks he can do more than he can.
41088 doctors nor lawyers.
41089 		-- L. Docquier
41092 session.  Our Achievement Awards this year are in the fields of publishing,
41093 advertising and industry.  For best consistent contribution in the field of
41094 publishing our award goes to editor, R.L.K., [...] for his unrivalled alle-
41096 we'd ALL love to do it.  But we're not going to do it.  It's not the kind of
41097 book our house knows how to handle."  Our superior performance award in the
41098 field of advertising goes to media executive, E.L.M., [...] for the continu-
41100 very exciting.  Why not give it one more try based on the approach I've out-
41101 lined and see if you can come up with something fresh."  Our final award for
41102 courageous holding action in the field of industry goes to supervisor, R.S.,
41103 [...] for her unyielding grip on "I don't care if they fire me, I've been
41113 The answer to the question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is...
41120 Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons.
41122 The ark lands after The Flood.  Noah lets all the animals out.  Says he, "Go
41123 and multiply."  Several months pass.  Noah decides to check up on the animals.
41124 All are doing fine except a pair of snakes.  "What's the problem?" says Noah.
41125 "Cut down some trees and let us live there", say the snakes.  Noah follows
41126 their advice.  Several more weeks pass.  Noah checks on the snakes again.
41127 Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy.  Noah asks, "Want to tell me how
41128 the trees helped?"  "Certainly", say the snakes. "We're adders, and we need
41129 logs to multiply."
41132 never be plumbed and why it will go on forever.  All weapons are defensive
41133 and all spare parts are non-lethal.  The plainest print cannot be read
41134 through a solid gold sovereign, or a ruble or a golden eagle.
41137 The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion.
41139 and color, but also on ability.
41140 		-- T. Lehrer
41142 The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
41147 Declaration not for that, but for future use.
41155 unpropitious, two luminaries, and Mercury alone undecided and indifferent.
41157 metals, etc., which it were tedious to enumerate, we gather that the number
41158 of planets is necessarily seven. [...]
41161 and therefore do not exist.
41163 The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
41166 knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.
41170 the morning feeling just terrible.
41173 The average income of the modern teenager is about 2AM.
41176 a dogsled -- there's no real change of scenery except for the lead dog.
41178 The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
41180 The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from
41181 one graveyard to another.
41182 		-- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"
41185 disdain; he is anything but her ideal.  In consequence, she cannot help
41187 their father.
41191 into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
41195 carries any reward.
41208 But my wife was too quick on the draw.
41210 The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities.
41212 park in.  Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also
41214 difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES.  You're allowed to
41215 do anything.  You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want.
41220 whereas I was neither.  This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall
41221 parking lots.
41227 And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
41228 These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
41229 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
41232 	Paul McCartney's old back-up band.
41234 The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
41236 The beer-cooled computer does not harm the ozone layer.
41237 		-- John M. Ford, a.k.a. Dr. Mike
41239 	[If I can read my notes from the Ask Dr. Mike session at Baycon, I
41241 	 Memory".  Ed.]
41243 The best audience is intelligent, well-educated and a little drunk.
41247 but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.
41250 			live with a Japanese wife, and eat Chinese food.
41252 			live with a Chinese wife, and eat Japanese food.
41254 			live with a British wife, and eat American food.
41258 The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
41259 		-- W.C. Fields
41261 The best defense against logic is ignorance.
41264 but doesn't.
41267 The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.
41270 The best equipment for your work is, of course, the most expensive.
41272 by judging things by their price.
41276 them while they do it.
41279 The best laid plans of mice and men are held up in the legal department.
41281 The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.
41284 The best man for the job is often a woman.
41287 head waiter.
41291 nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love.
41294 The best prophet of the future is the past.
41297 redoubtable John W. Campbell:
41301 	dead.  There is therefore a 0.5 probability that this message is
41302 	being read by a corpse.
41306 drifting side by side to our common doom.
41310 company arrives, all you have to do is straighten your tie.
41312 The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
41314 The best thing that comes out of Iowa is I-80.
41316 The best things in life are for a fee.
41318 The best things in life go on sale sooner or later.
41320 The best way to accelerate a Macintoy is at 9.8 meters per second, squared.
41322 The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, "I've got responsibilities."
41324 The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
41326 The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
41329 smoke is a right worth dying for.
41331 The best ways are the most straightforward ways.  When you're sitting around
41334 way is usually the best, and the way that attracts the least attention.
41336 work either.... They tried it during Prohibition.
41339 The best you get is an even break.
41342 The better part of valor is discretion.
41345 The better the state is established, the fainter is humanity.
41346 To make the individual uncomfortable, that is my task.
41350 to heterosexuals.  That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals.
41351 It's just that they need more supervision.
41353 The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion.  I could
41354 never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.
41362 man can see it for what it is and read it for himself.
41365 The big cities of America are becoming Third World countries.
41370 women.  Actually, you're just horny.  It doesn't mean you like women any
41371 more at twenty-one than you did at ten.
41375 themselves to be so totally eclipsed by the females.  Why do they tolerate
41379 The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
41381 The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time.
41385 working for someone else.
41388 occurred.
41390 The Bird of Time has but a little way to fly ...
41391 and the bird is on the wing.
41396 and tourist handouts.  This bear has learned to open car doors in
41398 of thousands of dollars a year.  Campaigns to bearproof all garbage
41401 of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
41403 The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
41405 The bomb will never go off.  I speak as an expert in explosives.
41406 	-- Admiral William Leahy, U.S. Atomic Bomb Project
41414 but your brain wasn't reacting yet to let you know.
41415 		-- Winning sentence, 1986 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
41418 Eating peanuts by the peck.
41420 For he loved those peanuts so.
41423 you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to work.
41428 	one, and convert to the next higher units.
41433 and humiliating reality.
41438 of a mountain or in the petals of a flower.  To think otherwise is to demean
41439 the Buddha -- which is to demean oneself.
41443 the inclination to get on a plane, but also the time.
41447 Univ.  by Professor Scott Rice.  It is held in memory of Edward George
41449 time) novelist.  He is best known today for having written "The Last
41450 Days of Pompeii."
41453 beginning "It was a dark and stormy night..." he is borrowing from Lord
41454 Bulwer-Lytton.  This was the line that opened his novel, "Paul Clifford,"
41455 written in 1830.  The full line reveals why it is so bad:
41461 	flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
41464 people, and don't come in clearly enough.
41471 with Basil.
41472 		-- Winning sentence, 1983 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
41475 The delta end is plus.
41477 The carbon nucleus.
41479 Of types there are but three.
41481 From C to shining C.
41482 		-- Prof. Frank Westheimer, to "America the Beautiful"
41484 The cart has no place where a fifth wheel could be used.
41487 The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-distruction.
41490 sometimes three.
41494 at the steam fitters picnic.
41496 The chief cause of problems is solutions.
41503 the bar is far away but I will walk carefully.
41506 The church saves sinners, but science seeks to stop their manufacture.
41511 rise per foot of run.  A compromise, I imagine...
41513 The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom.
41515 The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
41523 who could only plead the merits of abstinence and chastity.
41526 The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
41529 job application.
41532 is when he fills out a job application form.
41533 		-- Stanley J. Randall
41535 The clothes have no emperor.
41536 		-- C.A.R. Hoare, commenting on ADA.
41538 The coast was clear.
41542 intellectual nakedness.
41543 		-- Robert M. Hutchins
41549 	embarrassing manner.
41552 	earthly vale of tears.
41556 	a radiator too.
41559 	unbelievers.
41567 	one and, as a consequence, bringeth much woe unto a purchasing agent.
41570 	the fury of the engineers on his head.
41573 	her in certain ways not generally acceptable to thee.
41577 	sees fit to end thy misery and drag thee into his fold.
41583 	frustrated and have not further use for thee except for thy wages.
41587 	thou hast suffered a ream job by the chief electrician.
41589 	unknowing manner, thou shalt keep one hand in thy pocket.  Better
41592 	innocent-seeming device.
41594 The common cormorant, or shag, lays eggs inside a paper bag.
41599 the 80's.
41603 central power station is to the electrical industry.
41606 The computing field is always in need of new cliches.
41609 The concept seems to be clear by now.  It has been
41610 defined several times by examples of what it is not.
41613 and solutions we can imagine is very close.  For this reason restricting
41615 dangerous.
41622 is the control of human life itself.
41626 none of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but."
41627 Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period.
41629 you talked about.
41634 The cost of living has just gone up another dollar a quart.
41635 		-- W.C. Fields
41637 The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
41639 The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
41645 career.
41646 		-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
41648 The course of true anything never does run smooth.
41652 judge solemnly considered his verdict in the paternity suit before him.
41654 ceremoniously handed it to the defendant.
41655 	"Congratulations!" declaimed the jurist.  "You have just become a
41658 The covers of this book are too far apart.
41659 		-- Book review by Ambrose Bierce.
41661 The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
41668 be hushed.  A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be
41669 propagated.  If the doctrine be admitted, rulers have only to declare war
41670 and they are screened at once from scrutiny. ...  In war, then, as in peace,
41671 assert the freedom of speech and of the press.  Cling to this as the bulwark
41672 of all our rights and privileges.
41677 words to a song -- it's that they know them *all*.
41680 The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull.
41684 a satellite.  Of course, it would orbit Sputnik, not Earth!
41686 The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern.
41687 Every class is unfit to govern.
41691 plastic that hurt like hell when you step on them is banned entirely....
41693 be permitted...  In order to reduce risk of accidental war, both sides
41695 nuclear launch sites...  Under no circumstances will either side reveal
41697 years arguing the Monty Hall and the three doors problem.
41701 and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished.
41702 		-- H.D. Thoreau
41706 the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.  But we may hope that the
41709 doctrines of this most venerated Reformer of human errors.
41712 The days are all empty and the nights are unreal.
41715 to a tedious book.
41719 Chaplin trying to cook a shoe.
41723 The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
41726 Hebrew phrase "ha-Bracha dab'ra" which means "pronounce the blessing".
41729 can be judged by entering its prisons.
41730 		-- F. Dostoyevski
41733 proportional to the level of management.
41736 people, and greatly assists in the circulation of the blood.
41740 successor and gave him three envelopes.  "My predecessor did this for me,
41741 and I'll pass the tradition along to you," he said.  "At the first sign
41742 of trouble, open the first envelope.  Any further difficulties, open the
41743 second envelope.  Then, if problems continue, open the third envelope.
41744 Good luck."  The new manager returned to his office and tossed the envelopes
41745 into a drawer.
41746 	Six months later, costs soared and earnings plummeted. Shaken, the
41747 young man opened the first envelope, which said, "Blame it all on me."
41748 	The next day, he held a press conference and did just that.  The
41749 crisis passed.
41750 	Six months later, sales dropped precipitously.  The beleagured
41751 manager opened the second envelope.  It said, "Reorganize."
41753 would be restructured.  The crisis passed.
41755 blamed for all of it.  The harried executive closed his office door, sank
41756 into his chair, and opened the third envelope.
41757 	"Prepare three envelopes..." it said.
41759 The descent to Hades is the same from every place.
41762 The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
41765 The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
41767 The devil finds work for idle glands.
41769 The die is cast.
41772 The difference between a career and a job is about 20 hours a week.
41774 The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
41777 exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
41781 the Thames, it would be a misfortune.  But if someone dragged him out again,
41782 it would be a calamity.
41786 miles is a long distance and the Americans think 100 years is a long time.
41789 understand well enough to explain to a computer.  Art is everything else.
41793 thinking everyone is out to get you.  That's normal -- they are.  Paranoia
41794 is thinking that they're conspiring.
41795 		-- J. Kegler
41798 called.  Cats take a message and get back to you.
41800 The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
41803 that legal separation gives the man time to hide his money.
41806 is that reality has so little to recommend it.
41810 requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.
41815 rabbit on the road.  Being sentimental is when the same driver, when
41816 swerving away from the rabbit hits a pedestrian.
41819 The difference between sentiment and sentimentality is easy to see.  When
41820 you avoid killing somebody's pet on the glazeway, that's sentiment.  If you
41822 sentimentality.
41826 is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
41830 is that yogurt has a live culture.
41833 cruising for burgers in daddy's new car.
41835 The difference between waltzes and disco is mostly one of volume.
41836 		-- T.K.
41838 The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
41841 the grim hours between midnight and dawn.  Hangmen and politicians
41842 work best when the human spirit is at its lowest ebb.
41845 The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
41847 The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
41850 naturalists have been unable to find a living specimen of either.
41854 increasingly blurred by... the pollution of the language.
41857 The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity.  Nowhere in
41859 and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity.
41862 The door is the key.
41864 The duck hunter trained his retriever to walk on water.  Eager to show off
41866 hunting trip.  Saying nothing, he fired his first shot and, as the duck fell,
41868 it to his master.
41869 	"Notice anything?" the owner asked eagerly.
41870 	"Yes," said his friend, "I see that fool dog of yours can't swim."
41873 of the woman.
41876 The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
41878 The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
41881 and owns the worm farm.
41884 The early worm gets the bird.
41886 The early worm gets the late bird.
41888 The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
41891 teaches me to suspect that my own is also."
41894 or to weaken it.  I am not able to believe one's religion can affect his
41895 hereafter one way or the other, no matter what that religion may be.
41897 valuable possession to him."
41900 end, therefore I am not able to believe in it. To chasten a man in order
41905 would tire of the spectacle eventually."
41909 *pleasurably* reaffirms your Jewishness.
41912 The elder gods went to Yuggoth, and all you got was this lousy fortune.
41915 to do the work of a man.  The marketing division of Sirius Cybernetics
41916 Corporation defines a robot as 'Your Plastic Pal Who's Fun To Be With'.
41921 over the post of robotics correspondent.
41926 wall when the revolution came'.
41928 The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
41931 The end of labor is to gain leisure.
41933 The end of the world will occur at three p.m., this Friday,
41934 with symposium to follow.
41936 The ends justify the means.
41940 of thing.  Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformation
41941 of these atoms is talking moonshine.
41946 in full pursuit of the uneatable.
41950 and will not teach their children to speak it.
41951 		-- G.B. Shaw
41954 who has no talent and is modest about it.
41958 purges (called verifications in Newspeak).  One of the most severe took
41961 all but insignificant positions.  Any one of the following would often
41964 Western country, insufficient knowledge of Communist literature, and others.
41966 	A man is interviewed by a "Verification Committee."
41968 	"A rich, Jewish family."
41970 	"A German aristocrat."
41972 	"I spent most of my life in England."
41974 	"A friend supported me."
41976 	"He owned a textile factory."
41978 	"Never heard of him."
41980 	"Karl Marx."
41983 practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.
41985 	   presidential aspirant.
41989 a substitute for intelligence.
41992 The eternal feminine draws us upward.
41995 The executioner is, I hear, very expert, and my neck is very slender.
41999 is the most likely to be correct.
42004 own capacity. ...  Fuss, the god of the Southern Ocean, and Fret, the god
42006 of the center.  Chaos treated them very handsomely and they discussed together
42007 what they could do to repay his kindness.  They had noticed that, whereas
42009 so on, Chaos had none.  So they decided to make the experiment of boring holes
42010 in him.  Every day they bored a hole, and on the seventh day, Chaos died.
42013 The eyes of taxes are upon you.
42022 'Til Gabriel blows his horn.
42027 a widespread belief is more often likely to be foolish than sensible.
42031 in general as no other can.
42034 The fact that it works is immaterial.
42035 		-- L. Ogborn
42039 compassion.
42042 The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
42044 The farther you go, the less you know.
42047 The fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
42051 outsiders -- if only on their own, albeit undemanding terms.  That is to
42054 so long as they are Tories.
42057 The faster I go, the behinder I get.
42062 master.
42064 Monsieur Lazard.  Happily for posterity, the moves are recorded and so
42066 of their own homes.
42073 either a Q-KR5 check or the loss of his queen.
42077 business trip, thought he would pay his boy a surprise visit.  Arriving at the
42078 lad's fraternity house, dad rapped loudly on the door.  After several minutes
42081 	"Does Ramsey Duncan live here?" asked the father.
42082 	"Yeah," replied the voice.  "Dump him on the front porch."
42086 suit in the city.  Colleges may be to blame.  English majors are encouraged,
42089 quad.  And our most impressive critics have commonly been such English majors,
42090 and they are squeamish about technology to this very day.  So it is natural
42091 for them to despise science fiction.
42092 		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "Science Fiction"
42095 wanted to hear a dumb-jock joke.
42097 you?  They used to be with the Chicago Bears.  The two dudes behind you made
42098 the U.S. Olympic wrestling team.  And for you information, I used to play
42099 center at Notre Dame."
42100 	"Forget it," the customer said.  "I don't want to explain it five
42101 times."
42104 supporters, "is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist,
42107 and become lesbians."
42110 	You have taken yourself too seriously.
42112 The final delusion is the belief that one has lost all delusions.
42115 The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
42118 the Bible.
42122 but for the Book we could not know right from wrong.  All the things desirable
42123 to man are contained in it.
42126 ... the Bible ... is the one supreme source of revelation of the meaning of
42127 life, the nature of God and spiritual nature and need of men.  It is the only
42128 guide of life which really leads the spirit in the way of peace and salvation.
42131 The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it.
42136 death.  He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad forks.
42139 breakfast tray.  At the time, this looked suspicious what with his father's
42140 death, and Carotene was suspected of foul play.  Then the rest of the King's
42141 relatives began to drop dead one after the other in an odd fashion.  Some
42142 were found strangled with dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning.  A
42144 unknown and beaten to death with a pot roast.  At least three appear to have
42146 grief over the King's untimely end.  Finally there was no one left in Minas
42148 the rule of Twodor was up for grabs.  The scullery slave Parrafin bravely
42151 enemies, and revamp the postal system.
42154 The first guy that rats gets a bellyful of slugs in the head.  Understand?
42157 The first guy that rats gets a belly-full of slugs in the head.
42162 by our children.
42166 and the second the triumph of hope over experience.
42168 The first myth of management is that it exists.
42170 The first requisite for immortality is death.
42177 I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up.
42178 	"A herring," said my father.
42179 	"A herring," I echoed.  "A herring doesn't hang on the wall!"
42180 	"So hang it there."
42181 	"But a herring isn't green!" I protested.
42182 	"Paint it."
42183 	"But a herring isn't wet."
42184 	"If it's just painted it's still wet."
42187 	"Right, " smiled my father.  "I just put that in to make it hard."
42190 The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack."
42191 		-- H.L. Mencken
42193 The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
42197 	Don't do it.
42200 	Don't do it yet.
42204 is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
42207 The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
42208 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
42210 The first version always gets thrown away.
42214 	1. Don't think.
42215 	2. If you do think, don't speak.
42216 	3. If you think and speak, don't write.
42217 	4. If you think, speak and write, don't sign.
42218 	5. If you think, speak, write and sign, don't be surprised.
42222 ...the flaw that makes perfection perfect.
42224 The flow chart is a most thoroughly oversold piece of program documentation.
42227 The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization.
42230 The following statement is not true.
42231 The previous statement is true.
42235 	1. You can't push on a string.
42236 	2. Ain't no free lunches.
42237 	3. Them as has, gets.
42238 	4. You can't win them all, but you sure as hell can lose them all.
42240 The Force is what holds everything together.
42241 It has its dark side, and it has its light side.
42242 It's sort of like cosmic duct tape.
42245 completely surrounded by people who want some.
42249 because it lives in a forest.  Likewise the friendship of persons
42250 rests on mutual help.
42251 		-- Laukikanyay.
42254 and by a major grant from the National Endowment for the Inanities.
42257 received a fair trial, not a system to ensure an acquittal on technicalities.
42260 trial, not a system to get let him get off on technicalities.
42264 due to levitation.
42266 if the character does not have fire resistance.
42267 		-- README file from the NetHack game
42269 [The French Riviera is] a sunny place for shady people.
42270 		-- W. Somerset Maugham
42273 number of your kids by thirty-two teeth.
42276 of both parties tactfully interferes.
42277 		-- G.K. Chesterton
42280 but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.
42281 		-- Dr. David Butler, British psephologist
42284 salesmen and high school counselors.
42286 The future is a race between education and catastrophe.
42287 		-- H.G. Wells
42289 The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
42291 The future lies ahead.
42294 we will abstain from baptizing it.
42298 The rain falls cool among the flowers.
42300 On its way towards its end.
42303 Falls from the tall acacia.
42305 In this dying dream of a garden.
42310 Close her weary eyes.
42313 The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
42317 drudge along paying heavy taxes for which they get nothing in return.
42320 The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
42322 The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
42325 remember her first husband.
42327 The girl who stoops to conquer usually wears a low-cut dress.
42329 The girl who swears no one has ever made love to her has a right to swear.
42338 that will at least last until we've finished building it.
42340 The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
42341 The goal of nature is to build better mice.
42343 The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines.
42344 They gave him love and he invented marriage.
42347 is your move.
42351 	He who has the gold makes the rules.
42354 to be good.
42358 Is but the bad one leaves undone.
42360 You can live a life of fun.
42369 The season is at hand.
42371 Will be heard throughout the land.
42373 Budless are the trees.
42375 Is borne upon the breeze.
42379 If a string has one end, it has another.
42383 and they can't fire it.
42385 The Government just announced today the creation of the Neutron Bomb II.
42387 and leaves buildings standing, but also does a little light housekeeping.
42395 fittest general to be sent in command of the expedition.  The Cabinet sent
42396 for the Duke of Wellington, and asked his advice.  He instantly replied,
42397 "Send Lord Combermere."
42399 Combermere a fool."
42400 	"So he is a fool, and a damned fool; but he can take Rangoon."
42401 		-- G.W.E. Russell
42403 The goys have proven the following theorem...
42405 		lecture.
42407 The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
42410 but none, I think, do there embrace.
42413 The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
42418 	his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks.
42421 	Hedgehog Eater.
42424 The great merit of society is to make one appreciate solitude.
42430 With Pretty Girls, Peppy Scenes, and Gorgeous Revues -- plus a good story.
42433 Whoopie!  Let's go!... Hand-picked Beauties doing cute tricks!
42450 unimaginable hell.
42460 The family that slays together stays together.
42468 Most Movies Live Less Than Two Hours.
42475 It's not human and it's got an axe.
42482 ... Now, all the SENSUAL and VIOLENT passions Roots couldn't show on TV!
42488 WHEN THE CATS ARE HUNGRY...
42490 Alone, only a harmless pet...
42503 Which will be Her Mate... MAN OR BEAST?
42504 Meet Velda -- the Kind of Woman -- Man or Gorilla would kill... to Keep.
42508 FIRST TIME...  HISTORY'S MOST GIGANTIC MONSTERS IN COMBAT ATOP MOUNT FUJI!
42509 		-- King Kong vs. Godzilla (1963)
42516 The Hand that Rocks the Cradle...   Has no Flesh on It!
42529 of the Ozarks... "Low down white trash"?  Maybe so -- but let her hear
42557 MEETS HARRU IN SAN DIEGO!...
42564 A Horrifying Movie of Weird Beauties and Shocking Monsters...
42639 		-- The Prince of Peace (1948).  Starring members of the
42640 		   Wichita Mountain Pageant featuring Millard Coody as Jesus.
42651 	SEE... Robots from Space in All Their Glory!!!
42664 SEE a female colossus... her mountainous torso, skyscraper limbs,
42668 Here Is Your Chance To Know More About Sex.
42670 Or Face the JOLTING TRUTH as does...
42682 See Jane Russell Shake Her Tambourines... and Drive Cornel WILDE!
42688 Friends...
42692 		-- Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs (1966)
42695 OF A CRAZED MADMAN'S LUST.
42699 like prostitutes.
42707 The great secret in life ... [is] not to open your letters for a fortnight.
42709 answered themselves.
42713 is to refuse to move an inch from where they stood.
42715 The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
42719 before him.  To ride their horses and take away their possessions.  To see
42721 their wives and daughters to his arms.
42724 The greatest love is a mother's, then a dog's, then a sweetheart's.
42729 July 1962 towards Venus.  After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would
42733 scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.
42735 plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.
42737 the instructions fed into the computer.  "It was human error", a launch
42738 spokesman said.
42739 	This minus sign cost L4,280,000.
42742 The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
42744 The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
42747 The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
42750 it delivers its message and then disappears.
42752 The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce.
42755 The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
42756 		-- J.K. Galbraith
42759 success is getting through the crowd at the bottom.
42761 The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
42765 you put a lot of relatives on the train for home.
42769 author's name on the title page.
42772 The hatred of relatives is the most violent.
42773 		-- Tacitus (c.55 - c.117)
42776 of functions performed by private citizens.
42780 whereof the memory of man runneth not howsomever to the contrary, nohow.
42782 The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.
42785 The heart is wiser than the intellect.
42787 ...the heat come 'round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day.
42790 body of the woman you have ceased to love.
42794 	You can never be sure how many beers you had last night.
42799 help in admitting that they need help.
42802 makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
42806 keeps the blood at heat.  Some little, unassuming, unobtrusive choice presents
42808 of innocence.  To yield to its blandishments is so easy.  The wrong, it seems,
42809 is venial...  Then it is that you will be summoned to show the courage of
42810 adventurous youth.
42813 The higher you climb, the more you show your ass.
42818 Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why, and Where phases.  For
42821 have lunch?".
42825 are Retribution, Anticipation, and Diplomacy.  Thus:
42828 	I'm going to kill you because you killed my brother.
42830 	I'm going to kill you because I killed your brother.
42833 	pretext that your brother did it.
42835 The Hollywood tradition I like best is called "sucking up to the stars."
42839 to stifle our sighs and begin to stifle our yawns.
42843 she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
42846 The horror... the horror!
42849 primates in his passion for lists of "Ten Best".
42850 		-- H. Allen Smith
42852 The human brain is a wonderful thing.  It starts working the moment
42853 you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.
42857 its capacity -- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
42860 body treats a strange protein: it rejects it.
42861 		-- P. Medawar
42863 The human race has been fascinated by sharks for as long as I can remember.
42867 facet that it can bite your head off.  This causes us humans to feel a
42868 certain degree of awe.
42871 The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
42874 The human race never solves any of its problems.  It merely outlives them.
42878 that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.
42879 		-- Leo J. Burke
42881 The IBM 2250 is impressive ...
42882 if you compare it with a system selling for a tenth its price.
42883 		-- D. Cohen
42885 The IBM purchase of ROLM gives new meaning to the term "twisted pair".
42890 it is for other tools (e.g. automobiles, airplanes, guns, power saws).
42894 no sex, no owner, and a message of importance for every housewife.
42895 		-- Harry V. Wade
42899 understood.  Indeed, the world is ruled by little else.
42902 The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
42904 The idle mind knows not what it is it wants.
42907 The illegal we do immediately.  The unconstitutional takes a little longer.
42912 	Sometimes it runs, and sometimes it blows.
42914 The important thing is not to stop questioning.
42916 The important thing to remember about walking on eggs is not to hop.
42919 golf has.
42924 important thing to people.
42925 		-- Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King
42928 a delight to moralists.  That is why they invented hell.
42932 the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
42935 The instruments of science do not in themselves discover truth.  And
42937 pointer and a mark.
42942 affecting the most important political institutions. ...  The new
42944 manners and customs, and from it ... goes on to attack laws and
42946 overturning everything.
42947 		-- Plato, "Republic", 370 B.C.
42950 the group divided by the number of people in the group.
42952 The Israelis are the Doberman pinschers of the Middle East.  They
42953 treat the Arabs like postmen.
42958 Commandments.  Finally a tired Moses came into sight.
42959 	"I've got some good news and some bad news, folks," he said.  "The
42960 good news is that I got Him down to ten.  The bad news is that adultery's
42961 still in."
42963 "The jig's up, Elman."
42970 And he regulates the spheres.
42975 		-- R.W. Service
42978 debate concerning restoring America's "competitiveness." Drugs, it has been
42980 quality work.  But is drug testing in fact rationally related to the
42985 hiring of the abuser.  This practice may exacerbate, not alleviate, the
42986 nation's productivity problem.  If economic rehabilitation is the ultimate
42988 drug-using worker is the purest of hypocrisy and the worst of rationalization.
42991 		   Tim Moore, Harvard Journal of Law & Public Policy, vol.
42992 		   10, No. 3 (Summer 1987), pp. 762-768.
42995 	Don't get mad -- get even.
42997 The key elements in human thinking are not numbers but labels of fuzzy sets.
42998 		-- L. Zadeh
43000 The key to building a superstar is to keep their mouth shut.  To reveal
43001 an artist to the people can be to destroy him.  It isn't to anyone's
43002 advantage to see the truth.
43008 the kind they can watch from a safe place.
43014 K:	"Yes."
43015 A:	"Those are their guys. And all those little red specks running
43016 	to the left are our guys. Then when they collide we wait till
43017 	the dust clears."
43019 A:	"If there are more red specks left than black specks, we win."
43022 A:	"So far, it seems to be going according to specks."
43025 innocence makes innocence unattainable.
43028 The Kosher Dill was invented in 1723 by Joe Kosher and Sam Dill.  It is
43030 world by man, woman and child alike.  An astounding 350 billion kosher
43032 per day.  New York Times food critic Mimi Sheraton says "The kosher dill
43033 really changed my life.  I used to enjoy eating McDonald's hamburgers and
43034 drinking Iron City Lite, and then I encountered the kosher dill pickle.
43035 I realized that there was far more to haute cuisine then I'd ever imagined.
43036 And now, just look at me."
43039 Would shudder at a wicked word.
43041 They'd rather stay at home at night.
43043 Nor read erotic poetry.
43045 Nor recognize an overture.
43046 They shrink from powders and from paints...
43047 So far, I've had no complaints.
43050 The language of politics is poetry, not prose.  Jackson is poetry.
43051 Cuomo is poetry.  Dukakis is a word processor.
43052 		-- Richard M. Nixon, on Meet the Press, April, 1988
43055 everything that goes wrong -- until the next person quits or is fired.
43059 fired.
43061 The last person who said that (God rest his soul) lived to regret it.
43063 The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
43067 hand.
43071 processor.", I replied, "They used to say the same thing about drugs."
43072 		-- Roy Blount, Jr.
43074 The last vestiges of the old Republic have been swept away.
43078 to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
43082 	That which hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
43085 	The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the envelope.
43088 	You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
43090 The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all men
43091 should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the universal
43093 we own.
43094 		-- H.G. Wells
43097 	The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax.  A
43099 give a public reading of his latest poem.
43101 Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
43102 Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
43104 and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece.  "Be so good as to mark
43105 the place and consider at your leisure.  I'm sure you can give it a better
43106 turn."
43107 	After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
43108 Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side.  "There is no need to touch the
43109 lines," he said.  "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
43111 on those passages, and then read them to him as altered.  I have known him
43112 much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
43114 exactly as it was before.  His unique critical faculties had lost none of
43115 their edge.  "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right.  Nothing can
43116 be better."
43121 rescue attempts of all time.  Valiantly, the British Army had taken over
43124 tree.  They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty.
43125 So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea.  Driving off
43126 later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it.
43130 	Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting.  She
43133 works of Shakespeare.
43135 legibility.  Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms.  The
43136 remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
43139 French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
43143 	The all-time record here is held by Mr. Peter Rowlands of Lancaster
43144 whose lips became frozen to his lock in 1979 while blowing warm air on it.
43145 	"I got down on my knees to breathe into the lock.  Somehow my lips
43146 got stuck fast."
43148 was all right.  "Alra?  Igmmlptk", he replied at which point she ran away.
43149 	"I tried to tell her what had happened, but it came out sort of...
43150 muffled," explained Mr. Rowlands, a pottery designer.
43152 constant hot breathing brought freedom.  He was subsequently nicknamed "Hot
43153 Lips".
43159 legislation.  The Dublin Government immediately advertised for an equal pay
43160 enforcement officer.  The advertisement offered different salary scales for
43161 men and women.
43165 	History has furnished us with two executioners worthy of attention.
43166 The first performed in Sydney in Australia.  In 1803 three attempts were
43167 made to hang a Mr. Joseph Samuels.  On the first two of these the rope
43168 snapped, while on the third Mr. Samuels just hung there peacefully until he
43169 and everyone else got bored.  Since he had proved unsusceptible to capital
43170 punishment, he was reprieved.
43171 	The most important British executioner was Mr. James Berry who
43172 tried three times in 1885 to hang Mr. John Lee at Exeter Jail, but on each
43173 occasion failed to get the trap door open.
43175 Lee's sentence to "life" imprisonment.  He was released in 1917, emigrated
43176 to America and lived until 1933.
43182 in 1978.  He consistently refused to do anything which might ruffle or
43183 offend the criminal classes.
43185 and bite them.  I got sick and tired of doing that dog's work for him."
43187 stage further.  "Laddie" and "Boy" were trained as detector dogs for drug
43188 raids.  Their employment was terminated following a raid in the Midlands in
43189 1967.
43192 fire.  When the officer moved to arrest the suspects, one dog growled at
43193 him while the other leapt up and bit his thigh.
43196 The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
43199 The less time planning, the more time programming.
43204 Language Environment.  This language, developed at the Hanover College
43206 code with errors in it.  The statements are, therefore, confined to BEGIN,
43207 END and STOP.  No matter how you arrange the statements, you can't make a
43208 syntax error.  Programs written in SIMPLE do nothing useful, thus achieving
43210 frustrating process of testing and debugging.
43216 users must substitute "TH".  LITHP is thaid to be utheful in protheththing
43217 lithtth.
43221 	SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler.
43223 SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the beans.  Forty-
43225 while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.  Weary SLOBOL programmers
43226 often turn to a related (but infinitely faster) language, COCAINE.
43231 industry.  VALGOL commands include REALLY, LIKE, WELL, and Y*KNOW.
43232 Variables are assigned with the =LIKE and =TOTALLY operators.  Other
43233 operators include the "California booleans", AX and NOWAY.  Loops are
43234 accomplished with the FOR SURE construct.  A simple example:
43247 	VALGOL is also characterized by its unfriendly error messages.  For
43255 DOGO heralds a new era of computer-literate pets.  DOGO commands include
43256 SIT, STAY, HEEL, and ROLL OVER.  An innovative feature of DOGO is "puppy
43258 it travels across the screen.
43263 unstructured language.  Statements in SARTRE have no purpose; they just are.
43264 Thus SARTRE programs are left to define their own functions.  SARTRE
43265 programmers tend to be boring and depressed, and are no fun at parties.
43270 he submitted it as a class project in a graduate programming class.  C- is
43271 best described as a "low-level" programming language.  In fact, the language
43273 a given task.  In this respect, it is very similar to COBOL.
43278 refer to quantity.  The data types range from CC, OUNCE, SHOT, and JIGGER to
43279 FIFTH (hence the name of the language), LITER, MAGNUM and BLOTTO.  Commands
43281 VODKA, SCOTCH, BOURBON, and WHATEVERSAROUND.
43283 financial status of its users.  Commands in the ELITE dialect include VSOP and
43285 RIPPLE and HOUSERED.  The latter is a favorite of frustrated FORTH programmers
43286 who end up using this language.
43292 intense languages of nearby Silicon Valley.
43294 while they worked.  Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there long,
43295 since the Center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier.
43297 gentle and nonthreatening language.  For example, LAIDBACK responded to
43298 syntax errors with the message SORRY MAN, I JUST CAN'T DEAL BEHIND THAT.
43300 The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.
43303 The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
43306 The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
43309 together but the calf won't get much sleep.
43312 The little girl expects no declaration of tenderness from her doll.
43313 She loves it -- and that's all.  It is thus that we should love.
43317 with love, to make a quilt to keep away the cold.
43322 And the children above-average.
43326 door with a basket of kittens.
43328 	"These are my Democratic kittens," she replied.
43329 Amused, the pastor said nothing.  Two weeks later he saw the same little
43330 girl with (apparently) the same basket of kittens.
43331 	"My, I see you still have your Democratic kittens.", he said.
43332 	"No, you see, these are Republican kittens," she answered.
43333 	"Two weeks ago they were Democratic kittens," he replied, puzzled.
43334 	"Two weeks ago they had their eyes closed."
43338 simply making a limiting statement about himself.
43341 The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
43344 The longer the title, the less important the job.
43346 The longest part of the journey is said to be the passing of the gate.
43350 could grab as much as we could with both of them.
43353 The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.
43354 Indian Giver be the name of the Lord.
43356 The Lord prefers common-looking people.  That is the reason that He makes
43357 so many of them.
43360 The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons.
43368 		-- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
43370 The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
43373 Are of imagination all compact...
43374 		-- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
43376 The Macintosh is Xerox technology at its best.
43378 The magic of our first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.
43381 The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.
43385 that all but wreck the societies in which they occur.
43386 		-- A.N. Whitehead
43389 bonds will eventually mature.
43391 The major sin is the sin of being born.
43395 the violin.
43398 The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time.
43400 consistency.
43406 With but minimal clues.
43411 The one that got away.
43416 Hubert Cecil Booth.  However, he got the idea from a man who almost
43417 invented it.
43418 	In 1901 Booth visited a London music-hall.  On the bill was an
43419 American inventor with his wonder machine for removing dust from carpets.
43420 	The machine comprised a box about one foot square with a bag on top.
43422 -- Booth went round to the inventor's dressing room.
43424 point.  "Suck?", exclaimed the enraged inventor.  "Your machine just moves
43425 the dust around the room," Booth informed him.  "Suck?  Suck?  Sucking is
43426 not possible," was the inventor's reply and he stormed out.  Booth proved
43428 sucking the back of an armchair.  "I almost choked," he said afterwards.
43431 The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.
43433 been.
43436 The man who has never been flogged has never been taught.
43439 The man who laughs has not yet been told the terrible news.
43442 The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas.
43443 		-- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time"
43445 The man who runs may fight again.
43449 Fuji, a hawk, and an eggplant is forever blessed.
43453 will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
43457 qualified to understand pretty well everything.
43460 The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President.  All he has
43464 The vice-presidency ain't worth a pitcher of warm spit.
43468 	The few, the proud, the dead on the beach.
43471 	The few, the proud, the not very bright.
43474 wanting to change your name and start a new life in different city.
43478 while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.
43482 and tragedy.  What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the
43483 master calls a butterfly.
43488 are one, and that one is marxism.
43496 which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years.
43498 The mate for beauty should be a man and not a money chest.
43501 The mature bohemian is one whose woman works full time.
43504 always end up on their ends without any means.
43507 The meat is rotten, but the booze is holding out.
43508 Computer translation of "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak."
43510 The meek don't want it.
43512 The meek inherit the earth -- usually in small sections... about 6 by 3.
43514 The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
43517 time there won't be anything left worth inheriting.
43519 The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights.
43520 		-- J.P. Getty
43522 The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us, the Universe.
43524 The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars.
43526 The meek shall inherit the Earth.
43527 (But they're gonna have to fight for it.)
43529 The meek will inherit the earth -- if that's OK with you.
43532 chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
43537 for impotency.
43538 		-- W. Churchill
43540 The men sat sipping their tea in silence.  After a while the klutz said,
43541 	"Life is like a bowl of sour cream."
43542 	"Like a bowl of sour cream?" asked the other.  "Why?"
43545 The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
43549 being who produces the impressions.
43550 		-- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade
43553 general systems laws.  For example, Frank Harary once suggested the law that
43555 not to be a science.  He would cite as examples Military Science, Library
43557 Science.  Discuss the generality of this law, and possible reasons for its
43558 predictive power.
43563 1:	Look intently at the problem for several minutes.  Scratch your
43564 	head at 20-30 second intervals.  Try solving the problem on your
43565 	Hewlett-Packard.
43566 2:	Failing this, look around at the class.  Select a particularly
43567 	bright-looking individual.
43568 3:	Procure a large chain.
43570 	with the chain unless he gives you the answer to the problem.
43571 	Generally, he will.  It may also be a good idea to give him a sound
43572 	thrashing anyway, just to show you mean business.
43575 themselves," the old man said, no longer to me.  "But what will become
43579 The mome rath isn't born that could outgrabe me.
43582 The moon is made of green cheese.
43585 The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
43587 The Moral Majority is neither.
43590 the need for the simplicity of play.
43593 The more control, the more that requires control.
43596 the odds that the competition already has the order.
43598 The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
43601 lower the mailing cost.
43602 		-- S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"
43604 The more he talked of his honor the faster we counted our spoons.
43607 The more I know men the more I like my horse.
43609 The more I see of men the more I admire dogs.
43612 The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.
43616 the more thieves and robbers there will be.
43619 The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization.  (For
43621 contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...)
43623 The more the merrier.
43627 the easier it is to stop up the drain.
43629 The more things change, the more they remain the same.
43632 The more things change, the more they stay insane.
43634 The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
43637 there is that at least one of us is right.
43639 The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
43641 The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
43643 The Moscow Evening News advertised a contest for the best political joke.
43645 three years; and there were six honorable mentions of one year each.
43647 The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
43649 The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
43655 have the good fortune to find one.
43659 family name in the world is Chang.  Can you imagine the enormous number
43664 in the palpably not true.  It is the chief occupation of mankind.
43665 		-- H.L. Mencken
43667 The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
43677 the country is the one on which you resell it.
43678 		-- J. Brecheux
43681 is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian.
43684 thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting.
43685 		-- T.H. White
43687 The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
43690 not approach what your best friends say behind your back.
43694 discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."
43702 bite of fire.  You must slice it thin, almost as thin as this page you hold
43703 in your hands.  The making of a ham dinner, like the making of a gentleman,
43704 starts a long, long time before the event.
43705 		-- W.B. Courtney, "Reflections of Maryland Country Ham",
43708 ...the most exquisitely squalid hells known to middle-class man:
43709 freshman English at a Midwestern university.
43713 of a deaf man to a blind woman.
43716 The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
43719 to developing a good product is an imperfect version.
43722 people to approach printed matter with distrust.
43725 is that one of them be good at taking orders.
43728 The most important things, each person must do for himself.
43730 The most popular labor-saving device today is still a husband with money.
43736 organization.
43738 organization that would "give expression to a shared consciousness."  The
43741 every reason to expect their goal would be accomplished.
43742 	But it was not to be.  Given that this was a conference of *New*
43743 New Leftists, reason had nothing to do with it.
43746 weekend came when the conference was almost at its end.  On Sunday morning,
43748 with its overwhelming whiteness..."  Joined by the Gay & Bisexual Caucus, the
43750 white organization would itself constitute a racist act.  The four hundred or
43752 or elect any officers.  While recognizing "the need to examine the real
43755 demands were not met.  As *The Nation* article describes the scene:  "To their
43756 astonishment, their intervention was greeted with a standing ovation." Handed
43759 existence.  As del Borgo and Margaronis put it, "After much chaotic discussion
43761 broke into regional groups to discuss 'outreach.'"
43765 served the family nothing but leftovers.  The original meal has never
43766 been found.
43771 them were fishermen.
43776 Barker and Martin Lucas, the King's printers at London.  It contained
43779 to commit adultery.
43782 the printers L3,000.
43786 children for their insurance money.
43789 The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
43794 	Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.
43797 perfect partner, you're home free.  Unfortunately, falling out of love
43798 seems to be just as involuntary as falling into it.
43800 The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
43803 The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe.
43806 The nearer to the church, the further from God.
43810 in it here and there. Any given spoonful will likely have an IQ of 1, but
43815 No sinner from its sweep may hide.
43817 They take in every child of wrong.
43822 The new Congressmen say they're going to turn the government around.
43823 I hope I don't get run over again.
43826 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
43829 	A javelin team that elects to receive.
43832 in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system.
43835 	for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
43840 to me is going to have his head knocked off.
43843 The next thing I say to you will be true.
43844 The last thing I said was false.
43846 The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
43847 		-- Lucille S. Harper
43850 is that there are so many of them to choose from.
43851 		-- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
43853 The nicest thing about the Alto is that it doesn't run faster at night.
43857 ...
43861 But I'm tender in the middle.
43867 'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
43868 		-- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
43871 remnant of the days of the 80-column card.
43872 		-- D.M. Ritchie
43875 proportional to the number of bugs in their code.
43878 of the barbecue.
43881 increases in direct proportion to how much you hate licorice.
43883 The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected.
43886 The NY Times is read by the people who run the country.  The Washington Post
43887 is read by the people who think they run the country.   The National Enquirer
43888 is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country.
43894 when called upon.
43895 	However...
43897 yourself your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
43899 The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
43901 The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".
43907 	of Corporate Planning."
43914 	unfortunate possessor of a forty-seventh chromosome.
43918 	Use a sunlamp only on weekends.  That way, if the office wise guy
43921 	like Caneel Bay.  Nothing is more transparent than leaving the
43923 	god at 8:15 the next morning.
43926 is of course a shameful canard.  The key age has traditionally been
43927 more like fourteen.
43931 New Hampshire-Vermont border.  One day, the surveyors came to inform him that
43932 they had just discovered that he lived in New Hampshire, not Vermont.
43933 	"Thank heavens!" was his heartfelt reply.  "I don't think I could have
43936 THE OLD POOL SHOOTER had won many a game in his life. But now it was time
43937 to hang up the cue. When he did, all the other cues came crashing to the
43938 floor.
43940 "Sorry," he said with a smile.
43941 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
43943 The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
43945 The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes.
43946 Let the reader catch his own breath.
43950 familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.
43951 		-- H.L. Mencken
43953 The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a necessity.
43956 The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
43959 mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
43964 There isn't any three L lllama.
43965 		-- O. Nash, to which a fire chief replied that occasionally
43966 		his department responded to something like a "three L lllama."
43970 	cannot be understood.
43974 respectable is to put a fishing rod in his hand.
43976 The only alliance I would make with the Women's Liberation Movement is in bed.
43979 The only certainty is that nothing is certain.
43982 The only constant is change.
43985 right turn on a red light.
43989 that the car salesman knows he's lying.
43991 The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
43994 every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
43998 thousand years is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.
44002 respectable.
44005 The only happiness lies in reason; all the rest of the world is dismal.
44007 experience it as such.  Happiness lies in the swiftness of feeling and
44008 thinking: all the rest of the world is slow, gradual and stupid.  Whoever
44010 swift.  Thinking of oneself gives little happiness.  If, however, one feels
44012 oneself but of one's ideal.  This is far, and only the swift shall reach
44013 it and are delighted.
44016 The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.
44021 beyond this they have not legitimacy.
44022 		-- Einstein.
44025 is your husband.
44030 like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
44033 The only people who make love all the time are liars.
44036 The only perfect science is hind-sight.
44038 The only person to get all of his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
44040 The only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
44043 whatever in the "social sciences" is: some do, some don't.
44046 whatever in the 'social sciences' is: some do, some don't.
44050 is that you can never stop and take a rest.
44052 The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.
44057 be less cunning than more virtuous men.  Oh yes ... whenever you think
44058 you've got something really great, add ten per cent more.
44062 plausible manner and a little literary ability.  The capacity to steal
44063 other people's ideas and phrases ... is also invaluable.
44066 The only real advantage to punk music is that nobody can whistle it.
44069 for getting acquainted.
44072 The only real way to look younger is not to be born so soon.
44073 		-- C. Schultz
44076 of his key, when he is still on the landing, fumbling for the lock.
44079 The only reward of virtue is virtue.
44082 The only rose without thorns is friendship.
44084 The only thing better than love is milk.
44086 The only thing cheaper than hardware is talk.
44089 us nothing.
44093 the first one was useless.
44096 The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on.
44097 It is never any use to oneself.
44100 The only thing we learn from history is that we do not learn.
44104 the lessons that history has to teach.
44107 We learn from history that we do not learn from history.
44111 nothing from history.  I know people who can't even learn from what happened
44112 this morning.  Hegel must have been taking the long view.
44113 		-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"
44115 The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
44116 		-- C. Schultz
44119 and guilt.
44123 is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
44125 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
44129 drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
44132 The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
44136 in the uneasiness experienced at being alone together.
44139 The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.  It doesn't even get up
44140 until 5 or 6 PM.
44142 The opossum is a very sophisticated animal.
44143 It doesn't even get up until 5 or 6 pm.
44145 The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite
44146 of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
44149 The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
44152 The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is
44153 waiting.
44157 and the pessimist knows it.
44158 		-- J. Robert Oppenheimer, "Bulletin of Atomic Scientists"
44161 almost gently.  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all
44162 possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true.
44165 The optimum committee has no members.
44169 inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
44171 The orders come down and they march us away.
44172 There's a battle outside and we join in the fray.
44174 But it's better than working for Xerox.
44177 The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
44180 The other line moves faster.
44183 a buying trip.  As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance
44184 with a beautiful young lady.  However, she only spoke French and he only spoke
44185 English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.  He took out a
44186 pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a coach.  She smiled, nodded her
44187 head and they went for a ride in the park.  Later, he drew a picture of a
44189 dinner.  After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted.  They
44191 evening.  It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew
44192 a picture of a four-poster bed.  He was dumbfounded, and to this day has
44193 never been able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
44195 The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
44197 The party adjourned to a hot tub, yes.  Fully clothed, I might add.
44201 she wanted from her rather dense boyfriend.  Finally she asked,
44203 	"Gosh, no!" he replied.  "I hate hospitals."
44205 The past always looks better than it was.
44206 It's only pleasant because it isn't here.
44207 		-- Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley)
44210 good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.
44214 waver, when you forget yourself, act like less than you are.
44216 person you have always wanted to be.
44219 The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
44222 The perfect man is the true partner.  Not a bed partner nor a fun partner,
44224 quality of joy.
44228 goes wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
44230 The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
44232 The person who marries for money usually earns every penny of it.
44234 The person who's taking you to lunch has no intention of paying.
44236 The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
44239 market.  Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and
44241 		-- James Finke, Commodore Int'l Ltd., 1982
44245 become soft.
44248 is like the treatment of an illness.
44249 		-- Wittgenstein.
44252 	A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
44255 Gives us ham and pork and Bacon.
44257 I think it stupid of the Pig.
44259 The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter.  The batter swang
44260 and missed.  The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the batter
44261 connected.  He hit a high fly right to the center fielder. The center
44263 blound by the sun and he dropped it.
44266 The plural of spouse is spice.
44270 "Let our thoughts be correct".
44275 Wither.  Alexander Pope called him "wretched Wither" and Dryden said of his
44276 verse that "if they rhymed and rattled all was well".
44278 work "is mainly remarkable for its mass, fluidity and flatness.  It usually
44279 lacks any genuine literary quality and often sinks into imbecile doggerel".
44282 the higher emotions.
44284 		She'd -- O she'd kiss me too.
44286 		Falero, lero, loo.
44288 was her prudent choice of footwear.
44289 		The fives did fit her shoe.
44291 the Royalists during the English Civil War.  When Sir John Denham, the
44293 begged that his life be spared.  When asked his reason, Sir John replied,
44295 worst poet in England."
44299 and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy."
44303 trying to stop yourself going mad.  You might just as well give in and
44304 save your sanity for later.
44307 addressed, to treat them in a way they think dignified.  But it is equally
44309 expecting everyone else to adapt to one's own preferences.  Only then can
44311 true distaste.
44315 The politician is someone who deals in man's problems of adjustment.
44316 To ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog.
44319 The pollution's at that awkward stage.
44320 Too thick to navigate and too thin to cultivate.
44323 The possession of a book becomes a substitute for reading it.
44328 or to the people.
44329 		-- U.S. Constitution, Amendment 10. (Bill of Rights)
44332 	Were each of them once a kiddie.
44333 A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature.
44338 remark, "There's more Arabs in this country than there is Jews!".  Those
44339 offended include Arabs, Jews, and English teachers.
44343 boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
44346 The price of greatness is responsibility.
44348 The price of success in philosophy is triviality.
44349 		-- C. Glymour.
44352 knowledge of its ugly side.
44356 difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
44361 of the longer form of the constant.  This also simplifies modifying the
44362 program, should the value of pi change.
44365 The primary theme of SoupCon is communication.  The acronym "LEO"
44373 		-- M. Gallaher
44376 proportional to the stupidity of your action.
44379 a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.
44383 you don't know where to go to erase it.
44387 to sleep every few days.
44390 time.  My speed is very fast.  Some ministers have had to drop out of my
44391 government because they could not keep up.
44396 requires intent.
44399 be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
44402 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
44405 for incompetence.
44409 with sloppy english.
44410 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
44413 stable business.
44416 The program isn't debugged until the last user is dead.
44418 The programmers of old were mysterious and profound.  We cannot fathom their
44419 thoughts, so all we do is describe their appearance.
44420 	Aware, like a fox crossing the water.  Alert, like a general on the
44421 battlefield.  Kind, like a hostess greeting her guests.  Simple, like uncarved
44422 blocks of wood.  Opaque, like black pools in darkened caves.
44424 	The answer exists only in the Tao.
44426 The proof of the pudding is in the eating.
44431 horse.
44435 thoughts about their neighbours.
44436 		-- F.H. Bradley
44440 since its colors are those of the London Reform Club.  Once tied around its
44442 running off to Germany where it lives in hiding.
44446 raucously that this is true and that is false.  But there are no
44447 certainties.
44448 		-- H.L. Mencken, "Prejudice"
44450 The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
44454 because it gave pleasure to the spectators.
44459 engineers.
44465 The quality of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
44470 sense of womanly feeling and propriety.  Lady-- ought to get a good
44471 whipping.  It is a subject which makes the Queen so furious that she cannot
44472 contain herself.  God created men and women different -- then let them
44473 remain each in their own position.
44478 whether submarines can swim.
44479 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
44481 The questions remain the same.
44482 The answers are eternally variable.
44486 That doesn't mention their habits.	One end is moo, the other, milk.
44490 battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
44496 The unjust steals the just's umbrella.
44499 The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
44502 measurement of the speed of blight.
44505 illiterates can read.
44510 	sauce, A-1 steak sauce, ice, salt, pepper, celery.
44512 	Fill a large tumbler with vodka.
44513 	Throw all the other ingredients away.
44515 The real problem with hunting elephants carrying the decoys.
44517 The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking.
44521 a few of the children in the world shouldn't be raised by beginners.
44524 psychologists are trying to do the impossible.
44526 The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
44528 The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
44530 The reason people sweat is so they won't catch fire when making love.
44535 people.
44538 is that the experience makes you wise.
44541 than work is that more people worry than work.
44544 persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.  Therefore all progress
44545 depends on the unreasonable man.
44552 nobody in the government there has a clue as to how to run a country.
44556 in terms of the human effort needed to regenerate them.
44557 		-- T.A. Dolotta
44560 of a Dodge Dart.
44564 Called a hen a most elegant creature.
44567 And thus did the hen reward Beecher.
44570 The reverse side also has a reverse side.
44573 The revolution will not be televised.
44575 The reward for working hard is more hard work.
44577 The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
44580 The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer.
44581 The haves get more, the have-nots die.
44583 The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body.
44584 This means that only left handed people are in their right mind.
44587 taken seriously.
44590 The right to be let alone is indeed the beginning of all freedom.
44596 upon the successful management of which so much remains.
44597 		-- George F. Baer, railroad industrialist
44600 House Un-American Activities Committee].  We will determine what rights
44601 you have and what rights you have not got.
44602 		-- J. Parnell Thomas
44604 The ripest fruit falls first.
44607 The road to Hades is easy to travel.
44610 The road to hell is paved with NAND gates.
44611 		-- J. Gooding
44614 and the travellers pay the expense of it.
44619 	one who is doing it.
44622 observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses.
44625 The rose of yore is but a name, mere names are left to us.
44629 one leg.  The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't
44630 take it too seriously.
44633 The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.
44637 give 'em a date, but never give 'em both at once.
44642 1:  Thou shalt not worship other computer systems.
44644 	the console keyboard.
44646 	card decks together.
44648 	especially if you're already married.
44650 	a stool to reach another disk pack.
44652 	shift.
44654 	files/backup just to see the look on their little faces.
44655 8:  Thou shalt not enjoy cancelling a job.
44656 9:  Thou shalt not display firearms in the computer room.
44657 10: Thou shalt not push buttons "just to see what happens".
44659 The Russians have put a small ball up in the air.
44660 That does not raise my apprehensions one iota.
44661 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
44664 award for achievement.  It is frequently in the nature of a warm personal
44665 gesture by the individual to himself.
44668 The San Diego Freeway.  Official Parking Lot of the 1984 Olympics!
44670 The savior becomes the victim.
44672 The scene: in a vast, painted desert, a cowboy faces his horse.
44674 Cowboy:	"Well, you've been a pretty good hoss, I guess.  Hardworkin'.
44675  Not the fastest critter I ever come acrost, but..."
44677 Horse:  "No, stupid, not feed*back*.  I said I wanted a feed*bag*.
44682 	1) They all had moderate appetites.
44683 	2) They all came from middle class homes.
44684 	3) All but two of them were dead.
44686 The search for the perfect martini is a fraud.  The perfect martini is
44688 of civilization.
44689 		-- T.K.
44691 The second best policy is dishonesty.
44697 The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
44699 The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food.
44701 The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that,
44702 you've got it made.
44706 there is no humor in Heaven.
44710 beat their head on the keyboard.  After working with it... I can see why!
44714 reported to Fafhrd: "I have seen much, yet cannot explain all.  The Gray
44716 of Gilpkerio Kistomerces.  Even though twenty-four parts in twenty-five of
44717 him are dead, he is alive.
44718 	Now about Lankhmar.  She's been invaded, her walls breached
44721 equipped with all modern weapons.  Yet you can save the city."
44722 	"How?" demanded Fafhrd.
44723 	Ningauble shrugged.  "You're a hero.  You should know."
44727 and sixth years.
44729 The sheep died in the wool.
44731 The shifts of Fortune test the reliability of friends.
44734 The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
44736 The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
44739 The Shuttle is now going five times the sound of speed.
44743 voice, sweet speech, wisdom, needlework, and chastity.
44746 The sixth shiek's sixth sheep's sick.
44747 		-- [just say that five times...]
44749 The sky is blue so we know where to stop mowing.
44750 		-- Judge Harold T. Stone
44752 The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
44756 And surly Winter grimly flies.
44758 And bonnie blue are the sunny skies.
44762 And I rejoice in my bonnie Bell.
44767 Till smiling Spring again appear.
44771 I adore my bonnie Bell.
44775 "airplane-seat" metaphor.  Anyone who has shuffled a lap full of papers
44777 one can see only a very few things at once.
44781 rationalizations of the victors.  History is written by the survivors.
44786 have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy... neither its pipes nor
44787 its theories will hold water.
44792 And slowly she let him inside.
44801 and peculiar sort of voluntary thinking.
44805 and is left as an exercise for the reader.
44807 The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
44811 his rather old and crusty parish.  As is usual in these cases, a locum was
44812 sent to cover the transition period.  This particular man was young and
44814 exciting.  As a consequence he was more than a little disappointed with the
44815 dull and tradition-bound church.  He decided to do something about it.
44817 vestments, but lead the service wearing a nice 2-piece suit.  The congregation
44818 was horrified!  He changed the order of the service.  The congregation was
44819 horrified!  Then came the children's lesson.
44820 	For this he came out of the pulpit, and sat on the communion table.
44822 the table as the children gathered around him.
44824 	There was total silence.
44826 	Total silence.
44828 sir, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."
44830 The sooner all the animals are dead, the sooner we'll find their money.
44833 The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.
44836 The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
44838 The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
44840 The sounds of the nouns are mostly unbound.
44842 or further down, might dress a clown.
44844 but unsound nouns jump up and down.
44846 and then, my dear, you'd be put in the pound.
44848 the renown of your gown is the talk of the town.
44849 		-- A. Nonnie Mouse
44854 Russian, get off my Ford Escort."
44857 The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
44859 The spirit of Plato dies hard.  We have been unable to escape the
44862 reality.
44863 		-- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
44865 The star of riches is shining upon you.
44870 of paper in any other parts of the Universe.  This single statement took
44871 the scientific world by storm.  So many mathematical conferences got held
44874 back by years.
44877 The state of innocence contains the germs of all future sin.
44880 The steady state of disks is full.
44884 	"I was in Bogota and waiting for a lady friend.  I was in love,
44885 a long time ago.  I waited three days.  I was hungry but could not go
44886 out for food, lest she come and I not be there to greet her.  Then, on
44887 the third day, I heard a knock."
44889 there was nothing."
44890 	"Just," Vance Joy said, "a butterfly, flying away."
44893 The story you are about to hear is true.
44894 Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.
44899 Stapled to his chest.
44901 I said, "Not even you can hide.
44902 You see, you're just like me.
44903 I hope you're satisfied."
44906 The streets were dark with something more than night.
44909 The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
44911 The strong give up and move on, while the weak give up and stay.
44913 The strong individual loves the earth so much he lusts for recurrence.  He
44915 existence recurring eternally.  The second characteristic of such a man is
44917 that the world is valueless in itself and that all values are human ones.
44919 by the values he wills.
44922 The sudden sight of me causes panic in the streets. They have
44923 yet to learn - only the savage fears what he does not understand.
44926 The sum of the intelligence of the world is constant.
44927 The population is, of course, growing.
44929 The sun never sets on those who ride into it.
44937 The middle of the night.
44940 The sunlights differ, but there is only one darkness.
44941 		-- Ursula K. LeGuin, "The Dispossessed"
44943 The superfluous is very necessary.
44947 the inferior man understands what will sell.
44952 whom he assumes to have perfect vision.  Each tends to ascribe to the other
44953 side a consistency, foresight and coherence that its own experience belies.
44955 speak of the room.
44958 The Supreme Court does it with all deliberate speed.
44960 The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.
44963 esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
44967 win once, and then not play any more.
44973 The system was down for backups from 5am to 10am last Saturday.
44975 The system will be down for 10 days for preventative maintenance.
44978 it gives birth to both wins and losses.
44980 she welcomes both hackers and lusers.
44983 the data changes but not the structure.
44985 the more you talk of it, the less you understand.
44987 Hold on to the root.
44990 used but never used up.
44992 filled with infinite possibilities.
44994 It is masked but always present.
44995 I don't know who built to it.
44996 It came before the first kernel.
44999 is not the entire Tao.
45001 is not the Full Path.
45004 of all variables and functions.
45005 Yet the Tao has no type specifier.
45007 Dynamically binding, you realize the magic.
45008 Statically binding, you see only the hierarchy.
45012 and this source has a null pointer.
45015 it is the gateway to all wizardry.
45018 them a drink.
45022 data.  Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, "Moreover, the light of the Moon
45024 as the light of seven days."  Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much
45026 as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or fifty times in all.  The light we
45028 Sun, so we can ignore that.  With these data we can compute the temperature
45029 of Heaven.  The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where
45031 i.e., Heaven loses fifty times as much heat as the Earth by radiation.  Using
45033 temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C).  The exact
45035 temperature at which brimstone or sulphur changes from a liquid to a gas.
45036 Revelations 21:8 says "But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their
45037 part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone."  A lake of molten
45039 or 444.6C  (Above this point it would be a vapor, not a lake.)  We have,
45040 then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C.
45041 		-- "Applied Optics", vol. 11, A14, 1972
45044 culinary vessel will not achieve 100 degrees on the Celsius scale.
45049 	    most untechnician-like manner.
45053 	    her in other ways.
45056 of shooting employees who make mistakes.  We will now refer to this process
45057 as "deleting" an employee (much as a file is deleted from a disk).  The
45058 employee is simply there one instant, and gone the next.  All the terrible
45059 temper tantrums, crying, and threats are eliminated.
45063 ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.
45064 		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald
45066 The test of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
45070 and causes the most amount of trouble is sex.
45072 The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
45077 	the dark leaks out.
45080 want the job.
45083 Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter.  Had he run unopposed he
45084 would have lost.
45087 Ronald Reagan is a triumph of the embalmer's art.
45091 I need a lot of sleep.
45092 		-- Roy G. Blount, Jr.
45095 accurately it's called mudslinging.
45098 The Thought Police are here.  They've come
45099 To put you under cardiac arrest.
45101 They tell you that you've failed the test.
45104 The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
45108 	1: *Of course* we'll give you a copy of the source.
45110 		will fix the microcode.
45111 	3: Beta test site?  No, *of course* you're not a beta test site.
45114 	(1) You can't get anything without working for it.
45115 	(2) The most you can accomplish by working is to break even.
45116 	(3) You can only break even at absolute zero.
45124 The three questions of greatest concern are -- 1. Is it attractive?
45125 2. Is it amusing?  3. Does it know its place?
45131 	to be Braniff or Aeroflot).
45133 	know *exactly* what you're doing.
45134 (3)	Never sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own.
45137 You'd better have your fun before it moves along...
45140 Now is the time for senseless bickering.
45142 The time is right to make new friends.
45145 committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved.
45146 		-- C.N. Parkinson
45148 The time was the 19th of May, 1780.  The place was Hartford, Connecticut.
45150 Judgement Day.  For at noon the skies turned from blue to grey and by
45152 men fell on their knees and begged a final blessing before the end came.
45153 The Connecticut House of Representatives was in session.  And, as some of
45155 Speaker of the House, one Col. Davenport, came to his feet.  He silenced
45157 it is not.  If it is not, there is no cause for adjournment.  If it is, I
45158 choose to be found doing my duty.  I wish therefore that candles may be
45159 brought."
45162 The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.
45165 The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
45168 be refreshed with the blood of bean counters.
45172 but there has always been a limited number of Human Beings.
45175 The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
45177 The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
45180 think you have nothing more important to do.
45183 what you tell them, not what you want.
45184 		-- D. Cohen
45187 time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
45190 five or six days later you're hungry again.
45194 symptom is often hard to deal with: death.
45197 The trouble with incest is that it gets you involved with relatives.
45198 		-- George S. Kaufman
45203 always comes disguised as hard work.
45204 		-- Herbert V. Prochnow
45207 all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
45211 the other fellow of a dull one.
45214 The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
45219 all of the people all of the time.
45223 Is the trouble with me.
45225 But we still don't see.
45229 height but just above the ground.  It seems more designed to make
45230 people stumble than to be walked upon.
45233 The truth about a man lies first and foremost in what he hides.
45236 The truth is rarely pure, and never simple.
45239 The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility.
45240 And vice versa.
45242 The truth of a thing is the feel of it, not the think of it.
45245 The Truth Shall Rape You Over.
45248 The truth you speak has no past and no future.
45249 It is, and that's all it needs to be.
45252 Which practically conceal its sex.
45254 In such a fix to be so fertile.
45255 		-- O. Nash
45257 The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."
45260 The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
45262 The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
45265 The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs.
45266 		-- G.B. Shaw
45268 The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic.  It showed that
45270 by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics.
45271 		-- I.F. Stone
45274 quicker than anything else are fast women and slow horses.
45277 annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
45293 where somebody gets killed at the end.
45297 imprecisely few to warrant out certitude.
45299 The United States Army; 194 years of proud service, unhampered by progress.
45301 The universe is all a spin-off of the Big Bang.
45304 surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds universes.
45306 The universe is laughing behind your back.
45308 The Universe is populated by stable things.
45311 The universe is ruled by letting things take their course.
45312 It cannot be ruled by interfering.
45315 The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.
45319 Philbin to a letter of intent to attend Cal next Fall.  Philbin is
45320 said to make up for no talent by cheating well.  Says Philbin of
45321 his decision to attend Cal, "I'm in it for the free ride."
45324 and deviation standard.
45327 hang yourself.  And then a couple of feet more, just to be sure.
45330 that I assume it must be evil.
45337 world put together.
45341 is a symptom of professional immaturity.
45342 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
45345 regarded as a criminal offence.
45346 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5
45349 its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
45350 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
45352 The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money.
45353 		-- B. Franklin
45355 The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
45357 The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common.  Instead of
45359 views ... which can be very uncomfortable if you happen to be one of the
45360 facts that needs altering.
45363 The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
45368 surgeon was required to treat an ailing cow.  To investigate its internal
45370 expression and struck a match.  The jet of flame set fire first to some
45371 bales of hay and then to the whole farm causing damage estimate at L45,000.
45373 the magistrates.  The cow escaped with shock.
45377 to make it what it is supposed to be -- God's guest house on earth.
45380 The volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
45385 dumped a martini on the rocks down the back of the blonde's dress.  She
45387 then galloped wriggling from the room followed by her distraught boyfriend.
45389 to the waiter and said, "We'll have two of whatever she was drinking."
45391 The wages of sin are unreported.
45394 Constitution.
45397 calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood.
45400 The water was not fit to drink.
45401 To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey.
45402 By diligent effort, I learned to like it.
45403 		-- W. Churchill
45406 incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks.
45409 The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones.
45412 The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
45415 wife's belly, and don't you forget it.
45418 The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
45420 The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.
45422 The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run.
45424 The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
45427 commodities market is to start with a large fortune.
45429 The weather is here.  Wish you were beautiful.
45431 The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful.
45432 My thoughts aren't too clear, but don't run away.
45433 My girlfriend's a bore; my job is too dutiful.
45438 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
45440 The weed of crime bears bitter fruit...
45444 The white race is the cancer of history.
45447 The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak.
45451 consider it as a sporting proposition.
45453 The whole world is a scab.  The point is to pick it constructively.
45456 The whole world is a tuxedo and you are a pair of brown shoes.
45459 The whole world is about three drinks behind.
45463 not the dog, is man's best friend.  Rover is taking a beating -- and he
45464 should.
45465 		-- W.C. Fields
45468 the ignorant man tries to get everything from somebody else.
45470 The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
45473 medical report she had just received.  When her husband came in from work,
45475 live.  So I've decided I want to go to bed and make passionate love to you
45476 throughout the night.  How does that sound, dearest?"
45477 	"Hey, that's fine for *you*," replied the husband.  "You don't have
45481 is not how well he dances, but that he dances at all.
45483 The work [of software development] is becoming far easier (i.e. the tools
45486 of this, knowledge of the internals of a system may become less accessible.
45488 ladders, we had best hope that it does not rain much.
45492 designed for people who walk on their hands.
45496 and a tragedy to those who feel.
45499 The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
45505 childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind.
45506 		-- E.B. White
45509 it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it.
45510 		-- E. Hubbard
45512 The world is not octal despite DEC.
45514 The world is your exercise-book, the pages on which you do your sums.
45515 It is not reality, although you can express reality there if you wish.
45516 You are also free to write nonsense, or lies, or to tear the pages.
45519 The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
45521 The world really isn't any worse.
45522 It's just that the news coverage is so much better.
45524 The world wants to be deceived.
45527 The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
45534 nor its great scholars great men.
45539 Mark Twain said her first book gave him joy for 20 years.
45542 pen.
45546 		Of Mr. P.P. Bliss and wife?
45550 		Where so many people died.
45553 river or struck by lightning.  A critic of the day said she was "worse than
45554 a Gatling gun" and in one slim volume counted 21 killed and 9 wounded.
45556 suggesting that the sweet singer was "semi-literate".  Her reply was
45558 beyond reason."  She added that "literary work is very difficult to do".
45566 up a tree.  They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their
45567 duty.  So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea.
45569 and killed it.
45575 Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors.  They
45577 sheepishly left the building.
45579 robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.  When they demanded
45581 was a practical joke.
45583 clutching his ankle.  The other two tried to make their getaway, but got
45584 trapped in the revolving doors again.
45588 as a joke.  Being a natural prankster, he acquired a fleet of beat-up
45589 shabby, wreckages waiting for the scrap heap in California.
45591 conducted them round the choice of bumperless, dented junkmobiles.
45593 he now has 26 thriving branches all over America.  "People like driving
45594 round in the worst cars available," he said.  Of course they do.
45596 admit it, I tell him, `Forget it'.  If they bring a car back late we
45597 overlook it.  If they've had a crash and it doesn't involve another vehicle
45598 we might overlook that too."
45600 into the ripped interior.  "Honey," said her husband, "the whole car's the
45601 ash tray."
45604 The worst cliques are those which consist of one man.
45605 		-- G.B. Shaw
45610 expected to reach its base that evening.  It was returned by post, dead,
45611 in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil.
45614 The worst is enemy of the bad.
45616 The worst is not so long as we can say "This is the worst."
45622 remotest clue what was happening.
45623 	The judge, Mr. Justice Solomon, asked him if he had heard any
45624 evidence at all and, when there was no reply, dismissed him.
45626 juror revealed that he spoke not a word of English.  A fluent French
45628 was hearing a murder trial.
45631 and nearly as deaf as the first juror.
45632 	The judge ordered a retrial.
45637 	"Come, muse, let us sing of rats."
45640 laughter the instant they were read out.
45642 inspired by the subject of war.
45646 	The tip of my ear.  Flash! bang!"
45648 	"... that which Cestria sends, tenacious paste of solid milk..."
45651 	The crippled pea alone that cannot stand."
45654 	To seek the firm of Clutterbuck and Co."
45657 	While in this world, are liable to leak."
45661 	Tis three feet long and two feet wide."
45667 instrument.  This happened about thirty years ago to the son of a Rumanian
45669 violinist.  Enesco agreed to give lessons to the son who was quite
45670 unhampered by great musical talent.
45672 concert.  "His aunt said that nobody plays the violin better than he does.
45673 A cousin heard him the other day and screamed with enthusiasm."  Although
45675 in Paris.  However, nobody bought a ticket since the soloist was unknown.
45677 "and it will be a sell out."
45678 	Reluctantly, Enesco agreed and it was.  On the night an excited
45679 audience gathered.  Before the concert began Enesco became nervous and
45680 asked for someone to turn his pages.
45682 volunteered and made his way to the stage.
45685 Gaveau last night.  The man whom we adore when he plays the violin played
45686 the piano.  Another whom we adore when he plays the piano turned the pages.
45687 But the man who should have turned the pages played the violin."
45691 to find someone who is happy for you.
45694 The worst part of valor is indiscretion.
45698 maximum security prison is 124.  This record is held by Alcoente Prison,
45699 near Lisbon in Portugal.
45703 of electric cable had disappeared.  A guard explained, "Yes, we were
45704 planning to look for them, but never got around to it."  The warders had
45706 "covered with posters".  Nor did they detect any of the spades, chisels,
45707 water hoses and electric drills amassed by the inmates in large quantities.
45709 prisoners in his block only 13 were present.  He said this was "normal"
45711 the next morning.
45713 one of the prisoners told us," a warder said later.  [...]  When they
45715 population was missing.  By way of explanation the Justice Minister, Dr.
45717 "legitimate desire of the prisoner to regain his liberty."
45721 but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity.
45722 		-- G.B. Shaw
45725 are sober.
45730 if something could have materialized -- and never knowing.
45733 The Wright Brothers weren't the first to fly.
45734 They were just the first not to crash.
45736 The yankees, son, are up north.
45737 The damnyankees are down here.
45740 four and eighteen.  At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all
45741 the answers.
45743 The young Georgia miss came to the hospital for a checkup.
45744 	"Have you been X-rayed?" asked the doctor.
45745 	"Nope," she said, "but ah've been ultraviolated."
45748 Linked in part to a structural weakness.
45749 She set no preconditions.
45753 found out the charges for room, meals and golf privileges were $300 a day.
45755 rates were only $70.  The following morning he went down to the hotel's
45756 golf course and asked Scotty, the pro, to sell him a couple of golf balls.
45757 "Sure," said Scotty.  "That'll be $25 apiece."
45758 	"What?" screamed the bachelor.  "In the hotel across the street
45760 	"Naturally," replied the pro.  "Over there they get you by the
45761 rooms."
45765 Their idea of an offer you can't refuse is an offer...
45766 and you'd better not refuse.
45768 Them as has, gets.
45772 acceptance, and peace.  "'Bye for now," she said warmly.
45773 		-- Thea Alexander, "2150 A.D."
45775 Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly.
45777 right.
45778 		-- P.J. O'Rourke
45780 Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
45785 to the "W" on the dial.
45791 "NO! ... I mean Yes!  WHAT?"
45792 "I'll put `maybe.'"
45796 it.  The intent is not to tell the truth but to satisfy the questioner.
45799 Theorem: a cat has nine tails.
45801 	No cat has eight tails. A cat has one tail more than no cat.
45802 	Therefore, a cat has nine tails.
45804 Theorem: All positive integers are equal.
45805 Proof: Sufficient to show that for any two positive integers, A and B, A = B.
45807 	(positive integers) satisfy (MAX(A, B) = N) then A = B.
45810 	If N = 1, then A and B, being positive integers, must both be 1.
45811 	So A = B.
45813 Assume that the theorem is true for some value k.  Take A and B with
45814 	MAX(A, B) = k+1.  Then  MAX((A-1), (B-1)) = k.  And hence
45815 	(A-1) = (B-1).  Consequently, A = B.
45817 Theorem: All programs are dull.
45819 Proof: Assume the contrary; i.e., the set of interesting programs is
45820 nonempty.  Arrange them (or it) in order of interest (note that all
45821 sets can be well ordered, so do it properly).  The minimal element is
45823 the contradictory denouement we so devoutly seek.
45829 	it will look in print.
45831 Theory is gray, but the golden tree of life is green.
45836 	the one time the boss walks through the office.
45839 armor.  His legs seem like the massive trunk of the oak tree.  His broad
45842 body.  There hangs from his belt a veritable arsenal of deadly weapons:
45843 sword, mace, ball and chain, dagger, lance, and trident.
45848 As he grabs you by the neck all grows dim about you.
45851 the mere fact of overcrowding induces violence.
45855 and a feminine woman is one of them.
45858 There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true.
45865 For we know from experience that they won't roll by...
45869 than those who cannot endure to be thought so.
45872 and there are few mistakes they have ever avoided.
45873 		-- W. Churchill, Parliament, August, 1945
45876 excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy...
45879 There are four stages to a marriage.  First there's the affair, then there's
45881 cannot know a woman, the divorce.
45884 There are in this country two very large monopolies.  The larger of the
45887 postcard.  The second is responsible for such things as the transistor,
45892 and the first communications satellite.  Guess which one is going to tell
45894 results.
45897 the universe, and they all own cats.
45900 about even for all of us.  I have observed, for example, that we all get
45901 about the same amount of ice.  The rich get it in the summer and the poor
45902 get it in the winter.
45906 friend.  They may know something that we don't.  They are probably
45907 avoiding a great deal of pain.
45909 There are more dead people than living, and their numbers are increasing.
45912 There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
45914 There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else.
45917 Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
45920 There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
45922 There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
45924 There are new messages.
45926 There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.
45929 There are no answers, only cross-references.
45932 There are no emotional victims, only volunteers.
45934 There are no great men, buster.  There are only men.
45938 ordinary men are forced by circumstances to meet.
45941 There are no manifestos like cannon and musketry.
45947 some other part of hell comfortably cool.  This is obviously impossible.
45950 There are no rules for March.  March is spring, sort
45951 of, usually, March means maybe, but don't bet on it.
45953 There are no winners in life, only survivors.
45955 There are only two kinds of men -- the dead and the deadly.
45958 There are only two kinds of tequila.  Good and better.
45961 taxes, and we just might do something about death one of these days.
45965 that they can't tell the truth without lying.
45970 people who find nothing odd about it.
45974 All my life though some have changed.
45976 Some have gone and some remain.
45978 With lovers and friends I still recall.
45980 In my life I've loved them all.
45985 When I think of love as something new.
45989 In my life I'll love you more.
45992 There are running jobs.
45996 plants and animals.  When exposed to light they undergo photosynthesis;
45997 and when the lights go out, they turn into animals.  But then again,
45998 don't we all.
46007 	I cremated Sam McGee.
46008 		-- Robert W. Service
46011 is the process of discovering them over and over and over.
46017 wonder.  There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up
46018 your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence.
46021 There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.
46024 There are three kinds of people: men, women, and unix.
46029 someone loaded Star Trek 3.2 into our video processor.
46032 offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a
46034 food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection
46035 increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the
46036 affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no
46037 circumstances can the food be omitted.
46043 long winter evenings.
46046 There are three rules for writing a novel.
46047 Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
46050 There are three schools of magic.  One:  State a tautology, then ring the
46051 changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy.  Two:  Record many facts.
46052 Try to find a pattern.  Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's
46053 science.  Three:  Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled
46054 by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering.
46056 There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I
46057 can't remember.
46061 and never understood -- art, music, and women.
46064 love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.
46069 	1: Do it yourself.
46070 	2: Hire someone to do it for you.
46071 	3: Forbid your kids to do it.
46074 do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
46077 and twenty-seven of them are hamburgers.
46080 There are two jazz musicians who are great buddies.  They hang out and play
46081 together for years, virtually inseparable.  Unfortunately, one of them is
46082 struck by a truck and killed.  About a week later his friend wakes up in
46084 room.  He calls out, "Who's there?  Who's there?  What's going on?"
46085 	"It's me -- Bob," replies a faraway voice.
46086 	Excitedly he sits up in bed.  "Bob!  Bob!  Is that you?  Where are
46088 	"Well," says the voice, "I'm in heaven now."
46090 	"It's great, man.  I gotta tell you, I'm jamming up here every day.
46093 	"Oh, wow!" says his friend. "That sounds fantastic, tell me more,
46095 	"Let me put it this way," continues the voice.  "There's good news
46096 and bad news.  The good news is that these guys are in top form.  I mean
46097 I have *never* heard them sound better.  They are *wailing* up here."
46098 	"The bad news is that God has this girlfriend that sings..."
46100 There are two kinds of fool. One says, "This is old, and therefore good."
46104 There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead.
46107 There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
46108 We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
46109 		-- Jeremy S. Anderson
46111 There are two problems with a major hangover.  You feel
46112 like you are going to die and you're afraid that you won't.
46115 marriage and after marriage.
46117 There are two ways of constructing a software design.  One way is to make
46119 make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
46120 		-- C.A.R. Hoare
46122 There are two ways of disliking art.
46123 One is to dislike it.
46124 The other is to like it rationally.
46128 one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.
46132 programs; only the third one works.
46135 solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
46137 There are worse things in life than death.  Have you ever spent an evening
46142 of over ninety who have never yet kissed a girl.  But give me the rambling
46144 together we'll face the world.
46147 There but for the grace of God, goes God.
46148 		-- Winston Churchill, speaking of Sir Stafford Cripps.
46150 There can be no daily democracy without daily citizenship.
46153 There cannot be a crisis next week.  My schedule is already full.
46157 has to take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
46158 		-- W.C. Fields
46160 There comes a time to stop being angry.
46164 by more than 10 men or fewer than 100.
46167 There goes the good time that was had by all.
46170 There has also been some work to allow the interesting use of macro names.
46178 from its uses.
46181 the more amusing terms introduced into the C lexicon.  While a macro is
46185 recursively.  (I do not know why the color blue was chosen; I'm sure it
46186 was the result of a long debate, spread over several meetings.)
46189 There has been a little distress selling on the stock exchange.
46190 		-- Thomas W. Lamont, October 29, 1929
46193 number of things you know nothing about.
46195 There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
46197 There is a building with four floors.  On the first floor, there
46198 is a convention of architects.  On the second floor, there is a
46199 vinyl manufacturing plant.  On the third floor there is a fast food
46200 stand, and on the fourth floor there is a library.
46204 A:	The elevator would be full.
46207 is, if not an antidote, at least an alleviation.  If
46208 you are in a fit of the blues, go nowhere else.
46212 opinion.
46215 There is a fly on your nose.
46218 and labour.  As matters stand, their only common interest is that of cutting
46219 each other's throat.
46223 that of paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
46225 There is a green, multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.
46228 his waking hours poking the contents of chickens with a stick.
46232 wooden toilet seats.
46234 It's called the Birch John Society.
46238 and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.  There
46239 is another theory which states that this has already happened.
46243 Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success.
46244 On the other hand, don't count on it.
46245 		-- T.K. Lawson
46248 is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.
46251 There is always more hell that needs raising.
46255 somebody out.
46258 There is always someone worse off than yourself.
46260 There is always something new out of Africa.
46264 has not yet occurred that they, too, might be admired some day.
46267 There is an old time toast which is golden for its beauty.
46268 "When you ascend the hill of prosperity may you not meet a friend."
46271 There is brutality and there is honesty.
46272 There is no such thing as brutal honesty.
46278 most wonderful have been, and are being, evolved.
46282 not make a little worse and sell a little cheaper.
46284 There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
46285 		-- Arthur C. Clarke
46290 As company is shared by lesser beings.
46293 There is one lonelier than you.
46296 however marvelous it may seem today, will remain forever inexplicable.
46299 on his own account.  The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is
46300 even highly probable.
46301 		-- H.L. Mencken, 1930
46303 There is is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.
46307 There is Jackson standing like a stone wall.  Let us determine to die,
46308 and we will conquer.  Follow me.
46309 		-- General Barnard E. Bee (CSA)
46312 man who eats Grapenuts on principle.
46313 		-- G.K. Chesterton
46316 man who eats Grap-Nuts on principle.
46317 		-- G.K. Chesterton
46319 There is more to life than increasing its speed.
46322 There is more to life than increasing its speed.
46323 		-- Mohandis K. Gandhi
46325 There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you.
46329 always enough time to do it over.
46331 There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
46334 is not capable; for in politics there is no honour.
46337 There is no better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law.
46338 No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets truth.
46341 There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law.
46342 No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.
46345 "There is no choice before us. Either we must Succeed in providing
46347 civilization will sink into a mere welter of minor excitements.
46353 we define salvation through suffering.
46356 There is no cure for birth and death other than to enjoy the interval.
46359 There is no delight the equal of dread.
46360 As long as it is somebody else's.
46363 There is no distinction between any AI program and some existent game.
46365 There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.
46368 There is no doubt that my lawyer is honest.  For example, when he
46370 as 'unearned income.'
46373 There is no education that is not political.  An apolitical
46374 education is also political because it is purposely isolating.
46376 There is no Father Christmas.  It's just a marketing ploy to make low income
46377 parents' lives a misery.  ...  I want you to picture the trusting face of a
46378 child, streaked with tears because of what you just said.  I want you to
46383 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
46385 There is no fool to the old fool.
46388 There is no future in time travel.
46390 There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
46393 armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
46396 There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.
46399 There is no ox so dumb as the orthodox.
46402 There is no point in waiting.
46403 The train stopped running years ago.
46407 That no longer exists.
46409 There is no proverb that is not true.
46413 to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it.
46415 check.  And also the wife who wants him home by five, of course.
46416 		-- Encyclopadia Apocryphia, 1990 ed.
46418 There is no royal road to geometry.
46421 There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
46423 There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
46424 		-- G.B. Shaw
46426 There is no security on this earth.  There is only opportunity.
46429 There is no sin but ignorance.
46432 There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
46435 There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
46437 There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
46439 There *is* no such thing as a civil engineer.
46441 There is no such thing as a free lunch.
46443 There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.
46446 the ones who do not know how to make themselves attractive.
46449 There is no such thing as inner peace.  There is only nervousness or death.
46450 Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behaviour.
46454 some anxiety always goes with it.
46456 There is no time like the pleasant.
46459 for postponing what you ought to be doing.
46462 family.  But he can't make a living for them *and* his government, too,
46463 the way his government is living.  What the government has got to do is
46464 live as cheap as the people.
46468 us for another, and a woman who deceives another for ourselves.
46471 There is not opinion so absurd that some philosopher will not express it.
46474 There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.
46477 There is nothing more silly than a silly laugh.
46480 There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.
46484 when you do it reluctantly.
46488 comes to visit.
46491 a monk, coming into a teahouse where Nasrudin sat.
46493 an unanswerable question," said Nasrudin.
46494 	"I could have answered it if I had been there."
46495 	"Very well.  He asked, 'Why are you breaking into my house in
46498 There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
46500 There is nothing wrong with writing ... as long as it
46501 is done in private and you wash your hands afterward.
46504 a taxidermist -- the taxidermist leaves the hide.
46507 There is one way to find out if a man is honest -- ask him.  If he says
46508 "Yes" you know he is crooked.
46512 talked about, and that is not being talked about.
46515 There is only one way to be happy by means of the heart -- to have none.
46518 There is only one way to console a widow.  But remember the risk.
46522 by taxes, taxes, and more taxes.
46526 and that word is blackmail.
46530 it would be amusing to know, could we have it authentically communicated.
46533 There is something fascinating about science.  One gets such wholesale
46534 returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
46539 Unhappiness remembering happiness.
46542 There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
46548 who do not.
46552 States; of course, I never heard the story before.
46554 There must be more to life than having everything.
46557 There never was a good war or a bad peace.
46558 		-- B. Franklin
46560 There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.  The
46561 king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land.  He also wished
46562 in his heart that the son ould be wise and compassionate.  One day he said
46568 her that she was my best friend, and cut her head off."
46569 	The king knew that his son would be a great king.
46571 There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well.  The
46572 king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land.  He also wished
46573 in his heart that the son ould be wise and compassionate.  One day he said
46580 that I had promised."
46581 	The king knew that his son would be a great king.
46583 There seems no plan because it is all plan.
46584 		-- C.S. Lewis
46586 There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it."
46587 		-- C.S. Lewis, "The Chronicles of Narnia"
46591 Right in the middle of her forehead.
46593 And when she was bad, she was very, very popular.
46597 with taking in a round with his wife.  One time (with his wife along) he
46598 was having an extremely bad round.  On the 12th hole, he sliced a drive
46599 over by a grounds-keepers' shack.  Although he did not have a clear shot
46602 able to hit through.  Without hesitation, he instructed his wife to go
46603 around to the other side and open the far door.  Sure enough, this gave
46604 him a clear path to the green.  He stepped up to his ball and prepared
46605 to hit.  His wife had been standing by the far door waiting for him to
46606 hit through.  After a moment, she became curious and stuck her head in
46607 the doorway, to see what he was doing.  At that exact moment, the husband
46609 her instantly.  A few weeks later, the man was playing a round at the same
46610 course, this time with a friend of his.  Once again on the 12th hole, he
46611 sliced his drive to the shack.  His friend suggested that he might be able
46612 to hit through, if he was to open both doors.
46613 	"Nah", replied the man, "Last time I did that I took a 7".
46615 There was a phone call for you.
46618 left in the life-raft: the Pope, the President, and Mayor Daley.
46620 they started debating who should be allowed to stay.  The Pope pointed
46623 with the Vice-President, and so forth.  Then Mayor Daley said, "Look!
46625 to vote on it."  So they did, and Mayor Daley won by 97 votes.
46627 There was a writer in 'Life' magazine ... who claimed that rabbits have
46628 no memory, which is one of their defensive mechanisms.  If they recalled
46630 insupportable.
46641 Whose limericks stopped at line two.
46643 There was a young man from Verdunne.
46646 	 is about some guy named Nero.  If anyone has a copy of it, please
46647 	 mail it to "fortune".  Ed.]
46651 of the offspring conceived thereupon.  And so it goes that one Indian
46652 couple made love on a buffalo hide.  Nine months later, they were
46653 blessed with a healthy baby son.  Yet another couple huddled together
46655 baby son.  But a third couple, whose favorite animal was a hippopotamus,
46657 of the nine month interval.  All of which proves the old theorem that:
46659 the squaws of the other two hides.
46662 in one way or another, almost every member of the team passed.  The term
46664 practice -- was `signing up.'  By signing up for the project you agreed
46665 to do whatever was necessary for success.  You agreed to forsake, if
46667 (and you might not, if you had signed up too many times before).
46670 There was this New Yorker that had a lifelong ambition to be an Texan.
46671 Fortunately, he had an Texan friend and went to him for advice.  "Mike,
46672 you know I've always wanted to be a Texan.  You're a *real* Texan, what
46675 like a Texan.  That means you have to dress right.  The second thing
46676 you've got to do is speak in a southern drawl."
46677 	"Thanks, Mike, I'll give it a try," replied the New Yorker.
46679 in a ten-gallon hat, cowboy boots, Levi jeans and a bandanna.  "Hey, there,
46681 he tells the counterman.
46683 "You must be from New York."
46684 	The New Yorker blushes, and says, "Well, yes, I am.  How did
46686 	"Because this is a hardware store."
46689 the boss asks for a lift home from office.
46692 the boss asks for a lift home from the office.
46694 There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
46696 There will be sex after death, we just won't be able to feel it.
46700 this knowledge and not use it, according to the necessity of the cause.
46704 ready for the big leagues, yet unsigned by any major league.  There are
46705 pitchers who would win 20 games a season ... and outfielders [who] could
46706 hit .350, infielders who could win recognition as stars, and there's at
46708 Josh Gibson.  Only one thing is keeping them out of the big leagues, the
46709 pigmentation of their skin.  They happen to be colored.
46712 There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.
46713 Too bad it's not a fence.
46726 If you want it to work.
46729 There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
46732 and goes to Monte Carlo to try to recoup at the roulette tables.  Won a
46733 little, lost a lot, and was down to his last franc.  Prayed for help.
46734 A voice whispered in his ear: "Le rouge..."   Man looked around; nobody
46735 there.  What the hell -- he puts his last franc on the red, and it won.
46736 The voice immediately said, "Encore le rouge..."  Played red again, and
46737 it won again.  The voice said, "Impair..."  Played odd, and it won.  Voice
46738 said, "Quinze..." so he put all the money on 15, and it won.  This went
46740 his money on what the voice said, and winning.  Finally when the voice
46742 quit.  The voice was inexorable: "Douze..."  The man put the money on 12,
46746 The corporation that we represent.
46749 The name of T.J. Watson means
46751 And we feel honored to be here to toast the IBM.
46754 There's a trick to the Graceful Exit.  It begins with the vision to
46756 let go.  It means leaving what's over without denying its validity
46757 or its past importance in our lives.  It involves a sense of future,
46759 rather than out.  The trick of retiring well may be the trick of
46760 living well.  It's hard to recognize that life isn't a holding
46761 action, but a process.  It's hard to learn that we don't leave the
46762 best parts of ourselves behind, back in the dugout or the office.
46763 We own what we learned back there.  The experiences and the growth
46764 are grafted onto our lives.  And when we exit, we can take ourselves
46765 along -- quite gracefully.
46771 There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
46773 There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
46775 There's been no top authority saying what marijuana does to you.
46776 I really don't know that much about it.  I tried it once but it
46777 didn't do anything to me.
46780 There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
46782 There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
46787 	Was never a project of mine.
46798 There's no future in time travel.
46800 There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
46802 There's no justice in this world.
46808 There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.
46809 		-- Dr. Who
46811 There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
46814 There's no saint like a reformed sinner.
46817 what you're talking about.
46820 There's no such thing as a free lunch.
46823 There's no such thing as an original sin.
46826 There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
46828 There's no time like the pleasant.
46831 working for you.
46835 when you don't even know what you're talking about.
46838 There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
46841 armadillos.
46845 neckline to keep a man on his toes.
46848 his wife.
46851 There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl.
46853 There's nothing like the face of a kid eating a Hershey bar.
46855 There's nothing remarkable about it.  All one has to do is hit the right
46856 keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself.
46857 		-- J.S. Bach
46859 There's nothing to writing.  All you do is sit at a typewriter
46860 and open a vein.
46864 nobody really knows your origin, purpose, or destination.
46867 extra Santa Clauses smoking in the men's room.
46868 		-- W. Bossert
46871 reasoning with them won't aggravate.
46873 There's one consolation about matrimony.  When you look around you can
46874 always see somebody who did worse.
46875 		-- Warren H. Goldsmith
46877 There's one fool at least in every married couple.
46879 There's only one everything.
46882 and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
46885 There's small choice in rotten apples.
46889 vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
46892 There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
46895 Africa, Asia ... a deep and abiding belief in the Easter Bunny.
46896 		-- G. Gordon Liddy
46898 There's something the technicians need to learn from the artists.
46899 If it isn't aesthetically pleasing, it's probably wrong.
46901 There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.
46902 		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
46904 There's too much beauty upon this earth for lonely men to bear.
46908 of concealment which seek to mislead and obscure.
46909 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower, 1960
46912 they used to, and half the time they aren't even fit to drink.
46914 They also serve who only stand and wait.
46917 They also surf who only stand on waves.
46920 the only significant job that has so far been given to them.
46922 They are cold-blooded. They are completely ruthless about protecting
46923 what they have. The only thing they connect to is the money aspect of
46924 life.  Let's face it: That's the American way.
46925 		-- Jeffery M. Johnson, regional chairman of the District
46926 		   of Columbia United Way, speaking of drug dealers.
46929 when they can see nothing but sea.
46932 They are relatively good but absolutely terrible.
46936 most complicated shape they can deal with.
46938 They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God!
46941 They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...
46951 	million.  These raids never fail, because ALL high schools, including
46953 	the lockers.  As far as anyone can tell, the locker factory puts them
46954 	there.
46957 	sleaze.  This also never fails, because you always get a conviction.
46960 	sexual activities with live snakes and a fire extinguisher.  He is
46962 	just to make sure nobody gets the wrong impression.
46965 They don't know how the world is shaped.  And so they give it a shape, and
46966 try to make everything fit it.  They separate the right from the left, the
46967 man from the woman, the plant from the animal, the sun from the moon. They
46968 only want to count to two.
46971 They don't suffer.  They can't even speak English.
46972 		-- George F. Baer, answering a reporter's
46973 		question about the suffering of starving miners.
46975 They finally got King Midas, I hear.  Gild by association.
46977 They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
46980 They just buzzed and buzzed...buzzed.
46983 especially the president -- with a microscope.  I don't argue with that,
46984 but when they use a proctoscope, it's going too far.
46988 not actually threatened.  How very nice for authority.  I decided not to
46989 learn this particular lesson.
46993 system from within.  I'm coming now I'm coming to reward them.  First
46994 we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin.
46996 I'm guided by a signal in the heavens.  I'm guided by this birthmark on
46997 my skin.  I'm guided by the beauty of our weapons.  First we take Manhattan,
46998 then we take Berlin.
47000 I'd really like to live beside you, baby.  I love your body and your spirit
47001 and your clothes.  But you see that line there moving throug the station?
47002 I told you I told you I told you I was one of those.
47005 They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy.
47006 Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
47010 About a month before.			Their hair began to curl
47012 But rather less than more.		We'd run the thing through PRL.
47017 The new proof would be mailed.		Between yourself and me.
47022 To see if it would run.
47025 	About a month before.
47027 	But rather less than more.	To pass where they had failed
47029 					The new proof would be mailed.
47033 	To see if it would run.		Their hair began to curl
47035 					We'd run the thing through PRL.
47039 Between yourself and me.
47047 They use different words for things in America.
47048 For instance they say elevator and we say lift.
47049 They say drapes and we say curtains.
47050 They say president and we say brain damaged git.
47054 Messed around and got lost.
47055 They didn't care... they were just dying to get off,
47056 And it was life in the fast lane.
47059 They will only cause the lower classes to move about needlessly.
47060 		-- The Duke of Wellington, on early steam railroads.
47065 Working-at-the-car-wash blues.
47068 They're an insidious bunch, your killer pianos.  Had one get loose on me
47069 back in '62.  It slipped out of the cables while we were lowering it out
47071 for freedom.
47074 They're giving bank robbing a bad name.
47078 wise men and a virgin in the whole organization.
47079 		-- Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci, on the
47080 		ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed.
47085 their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
47086 		-- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday"
47088 Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
47091 Things are more like they used to be than they are new.
47093 Things are not always what they seem.
47096 Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
47098 Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
47100 Things past redress and now with me past care.
47103 Things will be bright in P.M.
47104 A cop will shine a light in your face.
47106 Things will get better despite our efforts to improve them.
47109 Things worth having are worth cheating for.
47111 Think big.
47112 Pollute the Mississippi.
47114 Think honk if you're a telepath.
47116 Think lucky. If you fall in a pond, check your pockets for fish.
47119 Think of it!  With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
47121 Think of your family tonight.
47122 Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
47127 Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
47129 Thinking you know something is a sure way to blind yourself.
47139 Rocks, and the salt-surf weeds of bitterness.
47142 when the hostess has only twelve chops.
47148 Then they stand still.
47154 And Christe receive thy saule.
47157 This "brain-damaged" epithet is getting sorely overworked.  When we can
47170 This door is baroquen, please wiggle Handel.
47174 This dungeon is owned and operated by Frobazz Magic Co., Ltd.
47176 This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
47178 This fortune cookie program out of order.  For those in desperate
47179 need, please use the program "randchar".  This program generates
47181 up with something profound.  It will, however, take it no time at
47182 all to be more profound than THIS program has ever been.
47184 This fortune intentionally not included.
47186 This fortune intentionally says nothing.
47189 invaluable assistance last night would never have been possible.
47193 This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
47195 This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
47197 This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
47199 This fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
47201 This generation doesn't have emotional baggage.
47202 We have emotional moving vans.
47208 	"I don't care," responds the husband. "just so long as you're out
47212 regardless of race, creed, color, obesity, or number of dangling keys...
47214 This is a good time to punt work.
47216 This is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
47217 Had there been an actual emergency, then you would no longer be here.
47219 This is Betty Frenel.  I don't know who to call but I can't reach my
47220 Food-a-holics partner.  I'm at Vido's on my second pizza with sausage
47221 and mushroom.  Jim, come and get me!
47224 and not enough hunchbacks.
47229 	And I am not.
47230 		-- A.E. Housman
47232 This is Jim Rockford.
47233 At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you.
47235 This is Maria, Liberty Bail Bonds.  Your client, Todd Lieman, skipped and
47236 his bail is forfeit.  That's the pink slip on your '74 Firebird, I believe.
47237 Sorry, Jim, bring it on over.
47239 This is Marilyn Reed, I wanta talk to you...   Is this a machine?
47242 This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
47244 This is NOT a repeat.
47246 This is not the age of pamphleteers. It is the age of the engineers.  The
47247 spark-gap is mightier than the pen.  Democracy will not be salvaged by men
47248 who talk fluently, debate forcefully and quote aptly.
47251 This is supposed to be a happy occasion.
47254 This is the Baron.  Angel Martin tells me you buy information.  Ok,
47255 meet me at one a.m. behind the bus depot, bring five-hundred dollars
47256 and come alone.  I'm serious!
47259 which is a little ironic since we may not have one.
47262 This is the first numerical problem I ever did.  It demonstrates the
47265 Enter lots of data on calorie & nutritive content of foods.  Instruct the
47267 level of each component, for fixed caloric content.  The results are that
47273 	27 heads of lettuce.
47274 		-- Rev. Adrian Melott
47276 This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
47279 This is the theory that Jack built.
47280 This is the flaw that lay in the theory that Jack built.
47281 This is the palpable verbal haze that hid the flaw that lay in...
47283 This is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
47284 And now you know why.
47289 Not with a bang but with a whimper.
47290 		-- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
47292 This isn't right.  This isn't even wrong.
47296 constant.  And then the aside: "For those of you who don't know, that's
47297 been called by others the fiddle factor..."
47298 		-- From a 1B Electrical Engineering lecture.
47303 This land is private property.
47306 This life is a test.  It is only a test.  Had this been an
47308 to what to do and where to go.
47310 This life is yours.  Some of it was given
47311 to you; the rest, you made yourself.
47313 This login session: $13.76, but for you $11.88.
47317 This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
47319 This night methinks is but the daylight sick.
47323 great force.
47326 This one is for all you military types.  For those who don't know, Rangers
47327 are *extremely* well trained members of the U.S. Army.  Marines are people
47329 don't actually hurt.
47331 Ranger relaxing on top of a small hill. The Ranger puts his hands on his
47335 Ranger.  When he gets to the top he simply plows into his foe and the two
47336 tumble down the other side of the hill, out of sight.  There is the sound of
47337 a horrendous fight for a moment or two, and then all is quiet.  Soon, the
47338 Ranger reappears, quite untouched.  He puts his hands on his hips and sneers,
47341 charging after the Ranger.  They all go tumbling down the far side of the hill.
47343 crawls over the top of the hill. The platoon leader yells up to his man,
47345 replies, "Sir, it's a... a trap, sir.  They're two of them!"
47347 This place just isn't big enough for all of us.  We've
47348 got to find a way off this planet.
47351 the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time.  Many
47355 paper that were unhappy.
47359 something child-like.
47362 This product is meant for educational purposes only.  Any resemblance to real
47363 persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.  Void where prohibited.  Some
47364 assembly may be required.  Batteries not included.  Contents may settle during
47365 shipment.  Use only as directed.  May be too intense for some viewers.  If
47366 condition persists, consult your physician.  No user-serviceable parts inside.
47367 Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.  Not responsible for direct,
47369 or failure to perform.  Slippery when wet.  For office use only.  Substantial
47370 penalty for early withdrawal.  Do not write below this line.  Your cancelled
47371 check is your receipt.  Avoid contact with skin.  Employees and their families
47372 are not eligible.  Beware of dog.  Driver does not carry cash.  Limited time
47373 offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.  Use only in well-ventilated area.
47374 Keep away from fire or flame.  Some equipment shown is optional.  Price does
47375 not include taxes, dealer prep, or delivery.  Penalty for private use.  Call
47376 toll free before digging.  Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product
47377 appear for identification purposes only.  All models over 18 years of age.  Do
47378 not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  Postage will be
47379 paid by addressee.  Apply only to affected area.  One size fits all.  Many
47380 suitcases look alike.  Edited for television.  No solicitors.  Reproduction
47381 strictly prohibited.  Restaurant package, not for resale.  Objects in mirror
47382 are closer than they appear.  Decision of judges is final.  This supersedes
47383 all previous notices.  No other warranty expressed or implied.
47386 mother's side.  I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry
47387 often have little else to sustain them.  Humoring them costs nothing and
47388 adds happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
47391 This screen intentionally left blank.
47393 This sentence does in fact not have the property it claims not to have.
47395 This sentence no verb.
47397 This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
47404 And beats high mountain down.
47406 This unit... must... survive.
47408 This universe shipped by weight, not by volume.  Some expansion of the
47409 contents may have occurred during shipment.
47412 dying... but nobody thought so.  This was a future of fortune and theft,
47413 pillage and rapine, culture and vice... but nobody admitted it.
47416 This was the most unkindest cut of all.
47419 This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
47420 This was terrible with raisins in it.
47425 This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
47427 This yuppie, see, was in a car wreck.  His BMW was mangled, and so was he.
47433 and was lying about twenty feet away.
47438 	They also have trouble pronouncing `vitamin'.
47441 are annoying those of us who do.
47443 Those of you who think you know it all upset those of us who do.
47447 at are called software.
47449 		   Literacy for the 1990's.
47452 learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee.
47453 		-- W.S. Krabill
47456 Silly Putty.
47459 Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
47461 Those who can, do; those who can't, write.
47462 Those who can't write work for the Bell Labs Record.
47464 Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
47467 Those who can't write, write manuals.
47470 to life haven't ever been around here at quitting time.
47472 Those who do not do politics will be done in by politics.
47474 Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it, poorly.
47478 self-sacrifice are to be avoided at all costs.
47479 		-- N. Alexander.
47482 parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well.
47486 Often have a share in their misfortunes.
47490 world is love.  The poor know that it is money.
47493 Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
47496 will make violent revolution inevitable.
47500 men who want rain without thunder and lightning.  They want the ocean
47501 without the roar of its many waters.
47505 Here's the reason that they fell:	Lispeth forth the sweetest vowels.
47508 Vulgar tongue.				A rhapsody sung.
47511 Assembling all their pleas in hex.	Sequel next did mock the lord
47514 The highest rung.			In his bung.
47522 Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
47524 Thou hast seen nothing yet.
47527 Thou shalt not omit adultery.
47547 Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
47550 the molecular, the corpuscular and the atomic.  A fourth affirms, with
47552 whose existence is proved by the condensation or precipitation...
47554 more about the matter than the others.
47556 Three hours a day will produce as much as a man ought to write.
47559 Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
47564 "Old MacDonald had a . . ."
47566 	"Old MacDonald had a carburetor," answered the Kansan.
47567 	"Sorry, that's wrong," the game show host said.
47569 		service station," said the Missourian.
47570 	"Wrong."
47571 	"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the Iowan.
47572 	"CORRECT!" shouts the quizmaster.  "Now for $100,000, spell 'farm.'"
47573 	"Easy," said the Iowan. "E-I-E-I-O."
47576 is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
47577 		-- A.E. Houseman
47580 late or a little too early for anything you want to do.
47587 In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
47590 In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
47591 		-- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings"
47594 	1. Oversimplify your explanations to the point of uselessness.
47595 	2. Always point out second-order effects,
47596 	   but never point out when they can be ignored.
47597 	3. Come up with three rules of your own.
47600 and users will be a hundred times happier.
47602 and users will do the Right Thing.
47604 and there won't be any pirating.
47608 and let all processes take their course.
47611 what we are talking about, nor whether what we are saying is true.
47616 is its own hell."
47620 	"After three days without programming, life becomes meaningless."
47625 	be productive."
47630 	be maintained."
47634 	"Time for you to leave."
47638 	"When program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes."
47643 	the trap frame, it will be time for you to leave."
47647 	"Without the wind, the grass does not move.  Without software,
47648 	hardware is useless."
47653 	can't make him computer literate."
47657 	Everything goes wrong at once.
47677 Plans that either come to nought	Thought I'd something more to say...
47682 Edward M. Kennedy
47684 Drove in a stream.
47689 Political dream.
47697 Man got to tell himself he understand.
47700 Time and tide wait for no man.
47702 Time as he grows old teaches all things.
47705 Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
47709 Time stays, *we* go.
47712 Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
47715 Time is an illusion; lunch-time doubly so.
47718 Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
47721 Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
47723 Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
47727 everything doesn't happen at once.
47730 everything doesn't happen to you.
47732 Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
47735 Time sharing: The use of many people by the computer.
47737 Time sure flies when you don't know what you're doing.
47739 Time to be aggressive.  Go after a tattooed Virgo.
47741 Time to take stock.
47742 Go home with some office supplies.
47745 Love's wounds unseen.
47747 But I don't know what it means.
47751 but I don't always approve of Time's methods.
47753 Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business.
47754 		-- H.R.J. Grosch (attributed)
47757 	An access method whereby one computer abuses many people.
47759 Timing must be perfect now.
47760 Two-timing must be better than perfect.
47763 	Never fry bacon in the nude.
47765 Tip O'Neill is just like Congress; old, fat and out of control.
47766 		-- J. LeBoutillier
47769 everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
47773 	Playing cards have the top half upside-down to help cheaters.
47774 	There are a finite number of jokes in the universe.
47776 		they would ordinarily.
47777 	There is no music in space.
47778 	People will pay to watch people make sounds.
47779 	Everything on stage should be larger than in real life.
47782 force getting you down?  Well, now there's help.  Try amazing "Dot-Product",
47784 to YOU through this special offer.  Three out of five engineering consultants
47785 recommend "Dot-Product" for their clients who use vector products.  Mr.
47786 Gumbinowitz, mechanical engineer, in a hidden-camera interview...
47788 	never been easier."
47789 Yes, you too can take advantage of the amazing properties of Dot-Product.  Use
47791 components.  How much would you pay for it?  But wait, it also calculates the
47792 work done in Joules, Ergs, and, yes, even BTU's.  Divide Dot-Product by the
47798 Call 1-800-DOT-6000.  Operators are standing by.  That number again...
47799 1-800-DOT-6000.  Supplies are limited, so act now.  This offer is not
47800 available through stores and is void where prohibited by law.
47802 Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die.
47804 'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.
47805 		-- H.L. Mencken
47808 is allowed to drive a taxi in New York.  For New York cabbies, honesty and
47809 stopping at red lights are both optional.
47810 	-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
47813 above fifty-eight degrees.  If you collapse on a street in New York, plan
47814 to spend a few days there.
47815 	-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
47818 in New York is that the pigeons don't shit on each other.
47819 	-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
47821 To a New Yorker, all Californians are blond, even the blacks.  There are,
47822 in fact, whole neighborhoods that are zoned only for blond people.  The
47824 Swedes speak better English."
47825 	-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
47828 a million dollars are those on fire.  These generally go for six hundred
47829 thousand.
47830 	-- From "East vs. West: The War Between the Coasts
47832 To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education.
47833 To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun.  To accuse neither
47834 oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete.
47837 To add insult to injury.
47841 be obvious that I am always right.
47843 To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
47846 To be a kind of moral Unix, he touched the hem of Nature's shift.
47850 should demand more from her?  You don't want a rose to sing.
47854 than a man would have to be.  Fortunately, this isn't difficult.
47857 Star.  As it remains in its one position, all the other stars surround it.
47860 To be great is to be misunderstood.
47865 fellow men, and c) delicately and unceasingly amused according to one's taste.
47869 be in the United States.  Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is
47871 and not be happy.
47872 		-- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American"
47874 To be is to be related.
47875 		-- C.J. Keyser.
47877 To be is to do.
47878 		-- I. Kant
47879 To do is to be.
47880 		-- A. Sartre
47884 		-- F. Sinatra
47886 		-- F. Flintstone
47888 To be loved is very demoralizing.
47896 never stop fighting.
47897 		-- e.e. cummings
47901 battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
47902 		-- E.E. Cummings, "A Miscellany"
47904 To be or not to be.
47906 To do is to be.
47908 To be is to do.
47910 Do be do be do.
47913 To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
47916 but your own; to be moral, all pretences but your own.
47919 To be successful, a woman has to be much better at her job than a man.
47923 as well as a man.  Fortunately, this is not difficult.
47926 and, whatever you hit, call it the target.
47928 To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
47930 To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
47933 to know is when to say "I don't know."
47936 you in your private heart is true for all men -- that is genius.
47946 To mount the unmountable magtape,	For a heavenly cause.
47950 That one man, scorned and		When it's put to the test.
47956 To communicate is the beginning of understanding.
47960 may be as natural to future times as to us is a literary correspondence.
47963 To craunch a marmoset.
47967 it is more difficult to criticize the competent.
47969 To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life.
47972 To do nothing is to be nothing.
47974 To do two things at once is to do neither.
47978 convenient solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.
47979 		-- H. Poincare
47981 To err is human -- but it feels divine.
47984 To err is human -- to blame it on a computer is even more so.
47986 To err is human, but I can REALLY foul things up.
47988 To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
47991 before the pencil, you're overdoing it a little.
47993 To err is human; to admit it, a blunder.
47995 To err is human, to forgive, infrequent.
47997 To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
47999 To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
48001 To err is human; to forgive is simply not our policy.
48004 To err is human, to forgive unusual.
48006 To err is human, to purr feline.
48007 To err is human, two curs canine.
48008 To err is human, to moo bovine.
48010 To err is human, to repent, divine, to persist, devilish.
48013 To err is human.
48014 To blame someone else for your mistakes is even more human.
48017 To purr feline.
48020 To err is humor.
48036 A time of war, and a time of peace.
48040 who fear life are already three parts dead.
48043 To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him -- two.
48046 To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends.
48049 To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
48051 To get something clean, one has to get something dirty.
48052 To get something dirty, one does not have to get anything clean.
48055 persons, two of them absent.
48057 To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
48059 To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
48061 To have died once is enough.
48067 To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
48070 To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.
48073 To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.
48074 		-- W. Churchill, on Korean War negotiations
48077 to kill them, treat them often.
48079 To know Edina is to reject it.
48082 To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
48084 To lead people, you must follow behind.
48088 one would imagine that God never laughs.
48091 To love is good, love being difficult.
48093 To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
48096 read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
48098 To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
48099 		-- St. Augustine
48101 TO ME, CLOWNS AREN'T FUNNY. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered
48103 circus and a clown killed my dad.
48104 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
48107 bitters.  Shake.
48108 		-- F. Scott Fitzgerald, recipe for turkey cocktail.
48110 To our sweethearts and wives.  May they never meet.
48113 To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
48116 Walt Disney should have a Hardluckland.
48119 To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
48123 micro and then try to run it on OS/2.  I mean, get serious.
48127 would be to say you needed a vote of confidence.
48130 To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
48133 and give his knife a sharpening, was to forget breakfast instantly.  It was
48134 agreeable, too -it really was- to see him cut it off, so smooth and juicy.
48137 tone, skilful handling of the subject, fine shading.  It was the triumph of
48138 mind over matter; quite.
48141 To see you is to sympathize.
48144 the job will take the longest and cost the most.
48148 Is a damned tough bullet to chew.
48152 of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
48155 To stay youthful, stay useful.
48157 To teach is to learn.
48159 To teach is to learn twice.
48162 To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
48165 	You are like the Wind and I like the Lion.  You form the Tempest.
48166 The sand stings my eyes and the Ground is parched.  I roar in defiance but
48167 you do not hear.  But between us there is a difference.  I, like the lion,
48168 must remain in my place.  While you, like the wind, will never know yours.
48174 To thine own self be true.
48175 (If not that, at least make some money.)
48177 To think contrary to one's era is heroism.  But to speak against it is
48178 madness.
48183 inelegant, and unsatisfying.  But it's a question of congruence:
48186 well-defined ones.  Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures
48188 secure ecological niche.
48195 may have done or failed to do which requires forgiveness.
48200 receiving said benefit.
48204 in some way be influenced by this ceremony.
48205 	Amen.
48208 To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
48211 he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do.
48213 To use violence is to already be defeated.
48221 strip down your words to naked, willing flesh.
48223 and take by force a satisfying mesh.
48224 Arrange them to your will, each foot in place.
48225 You are the master here, and they the slaves.
48227 and rhythm as they stand in even staves.
48231 and choose more docile words to take its part.
48233 by making love directly to the brain.
48235 To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the loyal opposition.
48241 And makes a chimney of your nose.
48242 		-- B. Waterhouse
48245 	A nice place to visit, but you can't stay here for long.
48247 Today is a good day for information-gathering.
48248 Read someone else's mail file.
48250 Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
48252 Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
48254 Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
48256 Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
48258 Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
48260 Today is the last day of your life so far.
48262 Today is what happened to yesterday.
48265 cheering squad and another paycheck.  When a woman marries, she gets a
48266 boarder.
48268 Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
48271 cereal that gets soggy even without milk or cream.  Join us soon for more
48272 spectacular adventure starring...  Tippy, the Wonder Dog!
48275 Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
48276 		-- H.S. Thompson
48278 Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
48282 	creating endless annoyance to male users.
48285 Tom Hayden is the kind of politician who gives opportunism a bad name.
48289 but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
48291 Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
48293 Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
48295 Tomorrow's computers some time next month.
48298 Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.
48301 Don't forget to leave a tip.
48303 Tonight's the night:  Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
48306 	If you have to lie to someone, it's their fault.
48309 driving cabs and cutting hair.
48313 real fast and freak everybody out.
48314 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
48316 Too clever is dumb.
48326 the two o'clock boats.  If their object in going down was to participate in
48328 the affair," and of course be sadly disappointed thereby.
48331 Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity.
48332 They seem more afraid of life than death.
48333 		-- James F. Byrnes
48335 Too much is just enough.
48338 Too much is not enough.
48340 Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL.
48345 in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software."
48347 		[Once is too often.  Ed.]
48349 Too ripped.  Gotta go.
48351 Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
48355 10:	Sorry, but that's too useful.
48358 	#pragma is for.
48360 	hard to write.
48361  6:	Them bats is smart; they use radar.
48364  3:	Ha, ha, I can't believe they're actually going to adopt this sucker.
48365  2:	Thank you for your generous donation, Mr. Wirth.
48366  1:	Gee, I wish we hadn't backed down on 'noalias'.
48368 Topologists are just plane folks.
48369 	Pilots are just plane folks.
48370 		Carpenters are just plane folks.
48371 			Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
48372 		Musicians are just playin' folks.
48373 	Whodunit readers are just Spillaine folks.
48374 Some Londoners are just P. Lane folks.
48376 Torque is cheap.
48378 Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
48381 	I'm the person your mother warned you about.
48383 Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
48386 Tourists -- have some fun with New York's hard-boiled cabbies.  When you
48387 get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay?  I was hitch-hiking."
48391 personne n'ecoute, il faut toujours recommencer.
48392 		-- A. Gide
48394 Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
48400 	A promotion you receive on the condition that you leave town.
48403 	Being or pertaining to an existing, nontangible object.
48405 		-- IBM System/360 announcement, 1964.
48408 	Being or pertaining to a tangible, nonexistent object.
48409 	"I can see it, but it's not there."
48410 		-- Lady Macbeth.
48413 	Someone who spends his junior year at college abroad.
48415 Trap full -- please empty.
48418 	Something that makes you feel like you're getting somewhere.
48420 Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
48422 Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, boy.
48425 Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village.
48426 "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant.
48427 	"All depends," the native drawled.  "Do you mean by them that has
48432 Treat your friend as if he might become an enemy.
48435 Treaties are like roses and young girls -- they last while they last.
48438 Trifles make perfection, and perfection is no trifle.
48441 Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
48443 Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
48447 a brand new series of three.
48450 beautiful and wealthy and live in eucalyptus trees.
48452 Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
48454 True happiness will be found only in true love.
48457 a group from what it is to what it ought to be.
48461 personal futility, and of the beauty of the world.
48464 Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence.
48467 Truly simple systems... require infinite testing.
48470 Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
48471 		-- Finlay Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley's Philosophy"
48473 Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
48477 	Get me, give me, buy me, do me.
48480 	Translation of the Latin "caveat emptor."
48483 and get as much as you can in your own name.
48486 Truth can wait; he's used to it.
48488 Truth has no special time of its own.  Its hour is now -- always.
48491 Truth is free, but information costs.
48493 Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
48495 "Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
48497 Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
48501 of him that brought her birth.
48504 Truth will out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
48507 	Dumb and illiterate.
48511 Try not to have a good time ...
48512 This is supposed to be educational.
48515 Try not.
48516 Do.
48517 Or do not.
48518 There is no try.
48520 Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
48522 Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
48524 Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
48526 Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
48530 tenses:  past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense.  Watch for
48532 the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect future.
48535 Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
48537 Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
48539 Try to relax and enjoy the crisis.
48542 Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
48545 which the only specification is that it should run noiselessly.
48547 Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth.
48551 trying to take a drink from a fire hose.
48556 Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
48558 Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
48560 Turn on, tune in, and take over.
48563 Turn the other cheek.
48568 	electrical cord.
48571 	Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
48573 TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
48577 and I never even had the decency to thank her.
48578 		-- R.B. Gossling
48583 And the red bank bayonne.			that claw!
48585 He took his belmar blade in hand:	The kearney communipaw."
48588 And stood a while in thought.		The Hopatcong with eyes of flame,
48590 One, two, one, two, and through		And garfield as it came.
48594 He went weehawken back.			Hohokus day!  Soho!  Rahway!"
48595 					He caldwell in his joy.
48598 And the red bank bayonne.
48602 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.	The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame
48604 And the mome raths outgrabe.		And burbled as it came!
48608 	the claws that catch!		The vorpal blade went snicker-snack.
48610 And shun the frumious Bandersnatch!"	And went galumphing back.
48613 Long time the manxome foe he sought.	Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
48615 And stood awhile in thought.		He chortled in his joy.
48618 					Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
48623 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.	"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
48625 And the mome raths outgrabe.			that catch!
48628 Long time the manxome foe he sought.
48630 And stood awhile in thought.		The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame
48634 The vorpal blade went snicker-snack.	"Hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
48636 And went galumphing back.		Oh frabjous day!  Calooh!  Callay!"
48637 					He chortled in his joy.
48639 Did gyre and gimble in the wabe.
48641 And the mome raths outgrabe.
48647 By market's wrath unphased.			that falls!
48652 And stood awhile in thought.		The Jabberstock, with clothes of tweed,
48657 It bit the dirt, and with its shirt,	Come to my firm, V.P.ish boy!
48658 He went rebounding back.		O big bucks day! Moolah! Good Play!"
48659 					He bought him a Mercedes Toy.
48669 And Cory raths outgrave.
48679 To ask them for a light.		Above a vacant lot.
48684 On the road to Mandalay.		So I kissed her goodbye.
48689 And stood that way for years.		On the deep and dark blue sea.
48693 When the blazing of lasers destroyed all our fun.
48695 A satellite spotted him making his way.
48699 Like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July.
48701 When out of my chimney there came a great noise.
48703 St. Nick bringing presents for missus and me.
48707 Outside burning toys like confetti they fell.
48709 The Star Wars computer had got something wrong.
48711 'Twas hardly a chance it would work from the start.
48713 If the crazy contraption would work very well.
48715 The system thought Santa a Red missile sent.
48717 There won't be a Christmas -- since Santa is dead.
48719 Twenty two thousand days.
48720 Twenty two thousand days.
48721 It's not a lot.
48722 It's all you've got.
48723 Twenty two thousand days.
48727 in heavy weather for several days.  I was serving on the lead battleship and
48728 was on watch on the bridge as night fell.  The visibility was poor with patchy
48729 fog, so the Captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all activities.
48731 "Light, bearing on the starboard bow."
48732 	"Is it steady or moving astern?" the Captain called out.
48734 collision course with that ship.
48736 a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
48737 	Back came a signal "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
48741 course 20 degrees."
48742 	By that time, the Captain was furious. He spit out, "Send: I'm a
48743 battleship, change course 20 degrees."
48745 	We changed course.
48748 Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long.
48751 Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
48753 Two Finns and a penguin are sitting on the front porch of a large house.  The
48756 owner then runs off to the sauna.  When he gets out of the sauna, he looks
48758 away.  So he yells out "Hey, Urho, I thought I told you to take the penguin to
48759 the zoo, I did."  And Urho yells back "Yup, and tomorrow we're going to
48763 barstool and lay motionless on the floor.
48765 knows when to stop."
48767 Two heads are better than one.
48770 Two heads are more numerous than one.
48773 performing her normal housekeeping routines.  She was interrupted by
48776 her home.  Masking her fear and thinking fast, Mrs. Chine quickly divided
48777 a nearby apple in two and deftly stored the list in its center.  Upon
48780 search was fruitless.  They had to return empty handed.  Word of the
48781 incident propagated rapidly through the region.  This historic event
48782 became the first documented use of core storage for the saving of registers.
48784 Two is company, three is an orgy.
48786 Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
48788 Two men are in a hot-air balloon.  Soon, they find themselves lost in a
48789 canyon somewhere.  One of the three men says, "I've got an idea.  We can
48791 end of the canyon.  Someone's bound to hear us by then!"
48793 are we?"  (They hear the echo several times).
48796 	The shouter comments, "That must have been a mathematician."
48798 	"For three reasons.  First, he took a long time to answer, second,
48799 he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless."
48801 Two men came before Nasrudin when he was magistrate.  The first man said,
48802 "This man has bitten my ear -- I demand compensation."  The second man said,
48803 "He bit it himself."  Nasrudin withdrew to his chambers, and spent an hour
48804 trying to bite his own ear.  He succeeded only in falling over and bruising
48805 his forehead.  Returning to the courtroom, Nasrudin pronounced, "Examine
48806 the man whose ear was bitten.  If his forehead is bruised, he did it himself
48807 and the case is dismissed.  If his forehead is not bruised, the other man
48808 did it and must pay three silver pieces."
48810 Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
48813 with all due respect for their breakfast.  "I wonder why it is that
48814 toast always falls on the buttered side," said one.
48815 	"Tell me," replied his friend, "why you say such a thing.  Look
48816 at this."  And he dropped his toast on the floor, where it landed on the
48817 dry side.
48819 	"What am I to say?  You obviously buttered the wrong side."
48821 Two peanuts were walking through the New York.  One was assaulted.
48823 Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
48825 Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane.
48827 Two Russian friends happen to meet in Red Square.  One of them says, "By
48831 Two sure ways to tell a REALLY sexy man; the first is, he has a bad memory.
48832 I forget the second.
48834 Two Swedish guys get of a ship and head for the nearest bars.  Each one
48835 orders two vodkas and immediately downs them.  They they order two more
48836 and once again quickly throw them back.  They then order two more.  When
48842 Two wrongs are only the beginning.
48845 Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
48870 Type louder, please.
48873 	Run right up and rub its horn.
48875 	UMBER HULKS are so confusing.
48880 	is going to have consequences you don't like.
48882 UFO's are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
48884 Uh-oh -- I've let the cat out of the bag.  Let me, then,
48886 Making variations on a theme is really the crux of creativity.
48887 		-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, "Metamagical Themas"
48889 Ummm, well, OK.  The network's the network, the computer's the computer.
48890 Sorry for the confusion.
48894 woods on a summer afternoon.  A fawn dances on and nibbles at some
48895 leaves.  He drifts lazily through the soft foliage.  Soon he starts
48896 coughing and drops dead.
48900 It's simple, Skyler.  You've seen what food processors do to food, right?
48903 	Never use your thumb for a rule.
48904 	You'll either hit it with a hammer or get a splinter in it.
48907 ordinance under which you can be booked.
48908 		-- Robert D. Sprecht, Rand Corp.
48910 Under capitalism, man exploits man.
48911 Under communism, it's just the opposite.
48912 		-- J.K. Galbraith
48914 Under deadline pressure for the next week.
48915 If you want something, it can wait.
48916 Unless it's blind screaming paroxysmally hedonistic...
48918 Under every stone lurks a politician.
48928 And the hunter home from the hill.
48929 		-- R. Kipling
48934 And I lay me down with a will.
48938 And Rogue playing to an awful standstill."
48941 	Superiority is recessive.
48946 	basis of your own internal model instead.
48949 in relation to a bigger problem.
48950 		-- P.D. Ouspensky
48960 	Selling cheaper than we do.
48962 Unfortunately, most programmers like to play with new toys.  I have many
48965 slash him with the knife, and apply suction to the wound.
48968 Unhappy the land that needs heroes.
48972 	A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.
48974 United Nations, New York, December 25.  The peace and joy of the Christmas
48976 forces of the world.  Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of
48977 every persuasion.  Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time
48978 low over the world.
48982 	The problem.
48985 	The problem.
48987 Universities are places of knowledge.  The freshman each bring a little
48988 in with them, and the seniors take none away, so knowledge accumulates.
48993 	you how to fix it, and...
48996 	 the credibility of the entire fortune program.  Ed.]
48998 University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
49001 UNIX enhancements aren't.
49004 of more feet, just to be sure.
49007 ... We make rope.
49008 		-- Rob Gingell on Sun Microsystems' new virtual memory.
49012 but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game.
49014 world on USENET or write adventure games and research papers.
49015 		-- E. Post
49018 Unix is a Registered Bell of AT&T Trademark Laboratories.
49021 UNIX is hot.  It's more than hot.  It's steaming.  It's quicksilver
49022 lightning with a laserbeam kicker.
49026 but it's never been everything to anybody.
49028 Unix is the worst operating system; except for all others.
49034 	with the workstation harem.
49039 would also stop you from doing clever things.
49042 Unix will self-destruct in five seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1...
49045 between 3pm Jan 17 and 11:30 am Jan 20.  The flag is described as red, white
49046 and blue, having 50 stars and was valued at $40.
49052 be so superfluous to demand the time of the day.  I wasted time and now doth
49053 time waste me.
49056 Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense.
49057 		-- E.E. Cummings
49060 	If it happens, it must be possible.
49063 unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book.
49066 Unquestionably, there is progress.  The average American now
49067 pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
49068 		-- H.L. Mencken
49070 Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world.
49074 	What you left out on April 15th.
49079 Flaming spelling errors and raisin' hell...
49082 or DMT.  "Consciousness Expansion" went out with LBJ and it is worth
49083 noting, historically, that downers came in with Nixon.
49084 		-- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
49086 Usage:  fortune -P [-f] -a [xsz] Q: file [rKe9] -v6[+] file1 ...
49088 Use a pun, go to jail.
49090 Use an accordion.  Go to jail.
49094 if no birds sang there except those that sang best.
49098 more labor and less oratory.
49102 	A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
49104 User hostile.
49107 	The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
49111  when they meant "idiot."  Ed.]
49113 Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach.
49114 		-- S.C. Johnson
49116 Using words to describe magic is like using a screwdriver to cut roast beef.
49121 Usually, when a lot of men get together, it's called a war.
49127 	life-style to recuperate.
49130 	An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
49133 	Honesty is the best policy - there's less competition.
49136 	Life is a whole series of circumstances beyond your control.
49138 Variables don't; constants aren't.
49142 Vegetables are what food eats.
49143 Fruit are vegetables that fool you by tasting good.
49144 Fish are fast moving vegetables.
49145 Mushrooms are what grows on vegetables when food's done with them.
49148 Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
49151 	1. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once.
49152 	2. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
49155 	I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
49159 Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic.
49160 		-- E.F. Benson
49162 Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five.  The
49164 thirty-five.
49167 Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
49172 somewhere.  A forest was discovered recently in which most of the trees grew
49173 ratchet screwdrivers as fruit.  The life cycle of the ratchet screwdriver is
49174 quite interesting.  Once picked it needs a dark dusty drawer in which it can
49175 lie undisturbed for years.  Then one night it suddenly hatches, discards its
49178 for a screw.  This, when found, will get thrown away.  No one knows what the
49179 screwdriver is supposed to gain from this.  Nature, in her infinite wisdom,
49180 is presumably working on it.
49183 at all.  The conscientious historian will correct these defects.
49186 Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
49189 	A hungry dog hunts best.
49190 	A hungrier dog hunts even better.
49192 	Decreased business base increases overhead.
49193 	So does increased business base.
49196 	is fifth grade arithmetic.
49199 	possible to make trivial ideas profound.  Q.E.D.
49201 	Bulls do not win bull fights; people do.
49202 	People do not win people fights; lawyers do.
49208 	1. Daring Scandinavian seafarers, explorers, adventurers,
49210 	business, highly leveraged takeovers and blue eyes.
49211 	2. Bloodthirsty sea pirates who ravaged northern Europe beginning
49212 	in the 9th century.
49216 property.
49218 Vini, vidi, vici.
49219 [I came, I saw, I conquered].
49222 "Violence accomplishes nothing."  What a contemptible lie!  Raw, naked
49224 ever employed.  Perhaps the city fathers of Carthage could debate the
49227 Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
49229 Violence is molding.
49231 Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
49234 Violence stinks, no matter which end of it you're on.  But now and then
49236 frying pan.  Sometimes people are just begging for that frypan, and if we
49239 shouldn't regret it too loudly lest we spoil the purity of the deed.
49244 	baying hounds in pursuit of a union organizer.
49247 	You are the logical type and hate disorder.  This nitpicking is
49248 sickening to your friends.  You are cold and unemotional and sometimes
49249 fall asleep while making love.  Virgos make good bus drivers.
49251 VIRGO (Aug.23 - Sept.22)
49253 	to ten without using your fingers.  Be careful dressing this
49254 	morning.  You may be hit by a car later in the day and you
49256 	that old underwear you own.
49259 only the willingness to make it when necessary.
49262 Virtue is its own punishment.
49265 Righteous people terrify me ... virtue is its own punishment.
49268 Virtue is not left to stand alone.
49269 He who practices it will have neighbors.
49272 Virtue would go far if vanity did not keep it company.
49275 Visit beautiful Vergas Minnesota.
49277 Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
49279 Visits always give pleasure: if not on arrival, then on the departure.
49283 	The world's foremost multi-user adventure game.
49290 Mouthless mutters.
49293 	A mountain with hiccups.
49300 		-- W.S. Gilbert, "The Mikado"
49304 	than never to have lobbed at all.
49306 Von Neumann was the subject of many dotty professor stories.  Von Neumann
49309 how to solve problems.  One time one of his students tried to get more helpful
49310 information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem.  Von
49311 Neumann looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered, "Yes.".
49313 Vote anarchist.
49315 Vote early and vote often.
49317 		campaign for Mayor of Chicago, 1926.  Big Bill won.
49320 	The feeling that you've *never*, *ever* been in this situation before.
49323 To see oursels as others see us.
49324 		-- R. Browning
49326 Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
49329 Wait for that wisest of all counselors, Time.
49333 1st customer: "I'll have tea."
49336 Waiter: "Two teas.  Which one asked for the clean glass?"
49339 Not to arms and violence, But peace for one and all.
49341 Help bring back her dignity, restore her faith again.
49343 Work hard for a common cause, don't let our country fall.
49344 Make her proud and strong again, democracy for all.
49345 Yes, make our country strong again, keep our flag unfurled.
49346 Make our country well again, respected by the world.
49348 Make her whole and beautiful, work from sun to sun.
49349 Stand tall and labor side by side, because there's so much to be done.
49351 Wake up, all you citizens, It's up to you and me.
49354 Wake up and smell the coffee.
49358 a capital crime.  For a first offense, that is.
49360 Walk softly and carry a big stick.
49363 Walking on water wasn't built in a day.
49368 Walt:	Yeah.  Mom says her work's more fun now that she's teaching
49369 	gradual school.
49370 Garp:	Oh.  Well, gradual school is someplace you go and gradually
49371 	find out that you don't want to go to school anymore.
49376 	the center of the terminal.  Nobody ever had a reservation
49377 	on a plane that left Gate 1.
49382 A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed.
49385 	black gold; 'Texas tea' ...
49387 Well the next thing ya know, old Jed's a millionaire.
49391 	swimmin' pools; movie stars.
49393 War doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
49395 War hath no fury like a non-combatant.
49398 War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
49400 War is delightful to those who have had no experience of it.
49403 War is like love, it always finds a way.
49406 War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.
49409 War spares not the brave, but the cowardly.
49416 	of your favorite war.
49422 to run.  The "critical detector" then creates a bug in the program proportional
49423 to the desperation of the user.  Threatening the terminal with violence only
49425 entire system to go down.  Likewise, attempts to use another terminal may cause
49426 it to core dump.  (They all belong to the same LAN.)  Keep cool and say nice
49427 things to the terminal.
49429 Warning: Trespassers will be shot.
49430 Survivors will be shot again.
49433 This machine is subject to breakdowns during periods of critical need.
49437 machine.  The "critical detector" then creates a malfunction proportional
49438 to the desperation of the operator.  Threatening the machine with violence
49439 only aggravates the situation.  Likewise, attempts to use another machine
49440 may cause it to malfunction.  They belong to the same union.  Keep cool
49441 and say nice things to the machine.  Nothing else seems to work.
49448 But time has set its maggot on their track.
49449 Under the arc of the sky they are unsafe.
49450 What's never known is safest in this life.
49453 Alone's unhurt, so the blind man sees best.
49456 Washington, D.C.   Wasting your money since 1810.
49458 Washington, D.C: Fifty square miles almost completely surrounded by reality.
49460 Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
49461 		-- John F. Kennedy
49463 [Washington, D.C.] is the home of... taste for
49464 the people -- the big, the bland and the banal.
49470 Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.
49473 Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
49475 Wasting time is an important part of living.
49477 Watch all-night Donna Reed reruns until your mind resembles oatmeal.
49479 Watch your mouth, kid, or you'll find yourself floating home.
49482 Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.
49486 You've read the book.  You've seen the movie.  Now eat the stew!
49490 	number and significance of any persons watching it.
49493 	The single most important word in the world.
49495 We all agree on the necessity of compromise.  We just can't agree on
49496 when it's necessary to compromise.
49500 same word we do not all mean the same thing.
49501 		-- A. Lincoln
49503 We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling.
49505 We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
49507 We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
49509 We all live in a state of ambitious poverty.
49512 We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon.
49513 		-- Dr. Konrad Adenauer
49515 We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which divides us is
49516 whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct.  My own feeling
49517 is that it is not crazy enough.
49521 before we are fit to participate in society.
49525 We are all born equal... just some of us are more equal than others.
49527 We are all born mad.  Some remain so.
49530 We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
49532 We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
49535 We are all so much together and yet we are all dying of loneliness.
49536 		-- A. Schweitzer
49538 We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.
49541 We are anthill men upon an anthill world.
49544 We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.
49547 We are confronted with unsurmountable opportunities.
49550 We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge.
49554 own facts.
49560 We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal.
49563 dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies.
49564 		-- J.Hoover
49567 socialism, because socialism is defunct.  It dies all by itself.  The bad
49568 thing is that socialism, being a victim of its ... Did I say socialism?
49571 We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
49572 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
49574 We are Microsoft.  Unix is irrelevant.
49575 Openness is futile.  Prepare to be assimilated.
49577 We are not a clone.
49579 We are not a loved organization, but we are a respected one.
49582 We are not alone.
49585 rather, we are loved in spite of what we are.
49590 Manual.
49593 We are simple killers of people and destroyers of property.
49595 We are so fond of each other because our ailments are the same.
49598 We are sorry.  We cannot complete your call as dialed.  Please check
49599 the number and dial again or ask your operator for assistance.
49601 This is a recording.
49607 the substance that cast them.
49609 We are the people our parents warned us about.
49611 We are the unwilling... led by the unqualified...
49612 to do the unnecessary... for the ungrateful...
49615 We are what we are.
49617 We are what we pretend to be.
49618 		-- Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
49620 We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
49622 We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.
49626 technical mistakes of the Department of Defense and IBM.
49627 		-- Edsger W. Dijkstra
49629 We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
49632 We cannot do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
49635 We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.
49639 feet and go skating.
49640 		-- Fred Reed, Air Force Times columnist.
49646 beautiful Universe, Our home.
49649 We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until after the first attack.
49652 We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company.
49654 We don't care how they do it in New York.
49656 We don't have to protect the environment -- the Second Coming is at hand.
49659 We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
49661 We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.
49664 that it wasn't a fish.
49667 We don't like their sound.  Groups of guitars are on the way out.
49670 We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control.
49678 	Oh No. It's just a pure LISP function call.
49687 We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
49689 We don't smoke and we don't chew, and we don't go with girls that do.
49695 We found on St. Paul's only two kinds of birds -- the booby and the noddy...
49698 hammer.
49701 We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
49705 If it's the last thing we ever do.
49708 We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
49710 We have art that we do not die of the truth.
49713 We have ears, earther...FOUR OF THEM!
49716 levels of destructiveness upon old ones.  We have done this helplessly,
49719 Hamelin marching blindly along behind their Pied Piper.  And the result
49722 redundancy of such grotesque dimensions as to defy rational understanding.
49725 We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.
49728 We have met the enemy, and he is us.
49732 than from the machinations of the wicked.
49734 We have no scorched earth policy.
49735 We have a policy of scorched Communists.
49739 our children.
49741 We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.
49744 We have reason to be afraid.  This is a terrible place.
49747 We have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's out.
49749 We have the flu.  I don't know if this particular strain has an official
49750 name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu".  You
49751 may have had it yourself.  The main symptom is that you wish you had another
49752 setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION".
49754 your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength.  Midway through the brushing
49759 police would find you.
49760 	You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.
49763 We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
49766 star of "The Muppet Show." [3]
49770 character.  But since we weren't sure whether it was OK to name our protocol
49773 letters, as readers of some of our early source code can attest.  Later, while
49778 instead).  When BYTE Magazine was preparing our 1984 Kermit article for
49779 publication, they suggested we contact Henson Associates Inc. for permission
49780 to say that we did indeed name the protocol after Kermit the Frog.  Permission
49781 was kindly granted, and now the real story can be told.  I resisted the
49782 temptation, however, to call the present work "Kermit the Book."
49785 We is confronted with insurmountable opportunities.
49788 We know next to nothing about virtually everything.  It is not necessary
49789 to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know.
49791 to crave knowledge.
49796 the elephant, a huge tortoise.  If we will candidly confess the truth, we
49800 his about the support of the earth.  His elephant was a hypothesis, and our
49801 hypotheses are elephants.  Every theory in philosophy, which is built on
49804 feet were partly of iron, and partly of clay.
49807 We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
49813 That's how much we love him.
49816 We keep him safe in our G.E. freezer.
49819 Oh, such a wonderful kid he is.
49823 That's why we love him like we do.
49824 		-- Mr. Mincemeat
49829 our best to make him feel that he ought to be ashamed of himself."
49833 than malnutrition.
49837 intellectual fields.  But which are the best ones to start with?  Many people
49839 best.  It can also be maintained that it is best to provide the machine with
49841 and speak English.
49842 		-- Alan M. Turing
49849 themselves about their relationship to God.  But all will agree on a
49850 proposition that they possess profound spiritual resources.  If, in addition,
49856 earth.
49859 We may not like doctors, but at least they doctor.  Bankers are not ever
49860 popular but at least they bank.  Policeman police and undertakers take
49861 under.  But lawyers do not give us law.  We receive not the gladsome light
49863 filings and forms, motions and counter-motions, all at $250 an hour.
49867 but we always respect their good judgement.
49869 ...we must be wary of granting too much power to natural selection
49870 by viewing all basic capacities of our brain as direct adaptations.
49874 functions).  But these assumptions do not lead to the notion, often
49876 of the brain must arise as direct products of natural selection.
49877 		-- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man"
49880 of a beautiful new world.  We will see it when we believe it.
49883 We must die because we have known them.
49884 		-- Ptah-hotep, 2000 B.C.
49886 We must finish once and for all with the neutrality of chess.  We must
49888 the formula 'art for art's sake.'  We must organize shock-brigades of
49890 for chess.
49891 		-- Nikolai V. Krylenko, People's Commissar for Justice
49896 ...we must not judge the society of the future by considering whether or not
49899 the past.
49904 is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace.
49908 protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking.
49909 		-- F.G. Withington
49913 children smart.
49914 		-- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report"
49917 to make it appear that we are free from great ones.
49922 forgotten its source.
49926 rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
49928 We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
49931 content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest.
49934 We read to say that we have read.
49936 We really don't have any enemies.
49937 It's just that some of our best friends are trying to kill us.
49939 We secure our friends not by accepting favors but by doing them.
49942 We seldom repent talking too little, but very often talking too much.
49947 stove-lid.  She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again - and that
49948 is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more.
49951 We should be glad we're living in the time that we are.  If any of us had been
49953 out and shot.
49958 themselves.
49961 We should have a Vollyballocracy.  We elect a six-pack of presidents.
49962 Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate.
49965 We should keep the Panama Canal.  After all, we stole it fair and square.
49966 		-- S.I. Hayakawa
49972 states are better governed by the man in the street than by intellectuals.
49976 who, as a result, very often bring ruin on their country.
49979 We the unwilling, led by the ungrateful, are doing the impossible.
49981 that we are now qualified to do something with nothing.
49987 of America.
49989 We thrive on euphemism.  We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet
49990 size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative".  In
49991 fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie".  And now, here
50013 We thrive on euphemism.  We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet
50014 size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative".  In
50015 fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie".  And now, here
50034 Looking for Mr./Ms. Right	Looking for Mr./Ms. Rich
50037 we're trying to identify the allegators.
50039 We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem.
50041 borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.
50042 		-- Ohio Lt. Governor Paul Leonard
50044 [We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things.
50045 		-- R.W. Hamming
50048 depends on a clever but highly unmotivated trick.
50051 We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh.  Josh
50053 behind.  Well, he hit one.  The Grays waited around and waited around,
50054 but finally the empire rules it ain't comin' down.  So we win.  The
50056 a ball outta the sky right in the glove of the Grays' center fielder.
50057 The empire made the only possible call.  "You're out, boy!" he says
50058 to Josh.  "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
50061 We were happily married for eight months.  Unfortunately, we
50062 were married for four and a half years.
50065 We were so poor that we thought new clothes meant someone had died.
50067 We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.
50068 If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.
50071 We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.  But there was
50073 French restaurant. [...]
50075 white BMW and her Jordache smile.  There had been a fight.  I had punched her
50076 boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls.  Everyone told him, "You ride the
50077 bull, senor.  You do not fight it."  But he was lean and tough like a bad
50078 rib-eye and he fought the bull.  And then he fought me.  And when we finished
50079 there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
50080 	"Stop the car," the girl said.
50081 	There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes.  She knew about the
50082 woman of the tollway.  I knew not how.  I started to speak, but she raised an
50083 arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
50085 belle's for thee."
50086 	The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
50088 onto my granola and faced a new day.
50094 extinction.
50095 		-- S.J. Gould
50098 one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter.
50105 new friends will be.
50114 	An index of the lack of development of a culture.
50116 Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
50122 	supportable.
50125 Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
50128 	Never ask two questions in a business letter.
50130 	least interested and say nothing about the other.
50135 	Nothing is impossible to a person who doesn't have to do the work.
50138 rid of rutabagas which nobody every bought.  He did so. "Well, kid, that
50139 was a great idea," said the manager. Then he paused and asked the killer
50142 Law: Once you eliminate your #1 problem, #2 gets a promotion.
50146 	Progress is only made on alternate Fridays.
50150 	on to the grand fallacy.
50154 	then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
50157 	There are no answers, only cross references.
50159 Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter.
50160 He'll come in handy if you run out of food.
50161 		-- Dean McLaughlin.
50176 The women are pretty, and the children are above-average.
50199 Welcome to Utah.
50203 that like most books, it had too many words.  The plot was the same one that
50206 women.  There, that's it: 24 words.  But the guy who wrote the book took
50207 *thousands* of words to say it.
50209 Fyodor Dostoyevsky.  It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
50210 Or maybe only one of them kills the father.  It's impossible to tell because
50211 what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages.If all Russians talk
50213 major world power.
50215 the question of whether there is a God.  So why didn't he just come right
50216 out and say: "Is there a God? It sure beats the heck out of me."
50220   nature and will kill you.
50221 * "A Tale of Two Cities" -- French people are crazy.
50225 night.  Live, on the Death label.
50228 Well begun is half done.
50231 We'll cross that bridge when we come back to it later.
50235 Well, don't worry about it...  It's nothing.
50240 		   per hour, December 7, 1941.
50243 Might as well have put it down the drain.
50245 Nobody will see the stuff again.
50247 Ten to one they'll start another war.
50250 		-- A.P. Herbert
50252 We'll have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
50255 to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.
50259 of boring stories about people like Vance Hartke.  Hartke is a governor or
50262 Democratic presidential nomination.  These men will spend the next 18 months
50264 such as wearing idiot hats and appearing on "Meet the Press".  "Meet the
50266 is not the least bit interested in.  It features a panel of reporters who
50268 can get through the entire show without answering a single question.
50273 I couldn't understand it, I thought I died last night.
50276 I was desperate to dance, just to dig the local sounds.
50282 Grow some funk of your own.
50284 But there might be a death in Mexico tonite.
50285 ...
50287 And grow some funk, grow your funk at home.
50293 they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
50298 		-- Bullwinkle J. Moose
50300 Well, I'm disenchanted too.  We're all disenchanted.
50304 rights.
50305 		-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
50307 Well, Jim, I'm not much of an actor either.
50309 We'll know that rock is dead when you have to get a degree to work in it.
50313 	assume you will have forgotten about it,too.
50317 Just and old guitar an'a empty bottle of booze.
50320 Was before he left he went and named me Sue.
50321 ...
50324 And kill the man that give me that awful name.
50330 Sat that dirty (bleep) that named me Sue.
50331 ...
50334 And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye...
50340 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
50344 'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views.
50345 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
50348 But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze.
50350 I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues.
50353 We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu!
50358 And courting pretty fair maids in the morning bright and early.
50360 Well thaaaaaaat's okay.
50362 Well, the handwriting is on the floor.
50363 		-- Joe E. Lewis
50366 we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
50370 but we've gotta post a guard outside.
50379 And we're loved everywhere we go.
50381 At ten thousand dollars a show.
50385 On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
50388 Who embroiders on my jeans.
50390 Drivin' my limousine.
50394 On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
50397 Who'll do anything we say.
50398 We got a genuine Indian guru, that's teachin' us a better way.
50400 So we never have to be alone.
50402 On the cover of the Rolling Stone.
50403 		-- Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show
50404 		[As a note, they eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.]
50407 higher meaning to all this.  It would certainly reflect well on you."
50409 Well, you know, no matter where you go, there you are.
50413 	The ability to play bridge or golf as if they were games.
50417 this land.
50421 on this land.
50429 interests.
50433 of sand.
50434 	-- "Alliance Airport, from The Poetry Of H. Ross Perot,
50435 	   recited on ABC's Town Meeting, June 29, 1992.
50438 We're all in this alone.
50442 people are making for you the way they make those Wonder Bread products.
50444 and emotional feelings.  It might taste good or clever, but in the long run,
50445 it's not going to do anything for you.
50449 things we did.  I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend
50450 and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students.
50451 		-- Waldo D.R. Dobbs
50454 	As bright as bright can be.
50456 	For breakfast, lunch and tea.
50461 a grin.
50462 		-- F.M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations"
50469 We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot.	We're given rhymes
50472 Quite indefatigable			We sing from the diaphragm a lot.
50476 It's a busy life in Camelot.
50477 I have to push the pram a lot.
50480 We're living in a golden age.  All you need is gold.
50481 		-- D.W. Robertson.
50484 but those are only handicaps.  Our pride is that nevertheless, now and
50485 then, we do our best.  A few times we succeed.  What more dare we ask for?
50488 "We're not talking about the same thing," he said. "For you the world is
50489 weird because if you're not bored with it you're at odds with it. For me
50493 desert, in this marvelous time.  I wanted to convince you that you must
50495 short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it."
50498 We're only in it for the volume.
50501 Were there no women, men might live like gods.
50504 Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
50508 	frequently save a couple of hours in the library.
50511 	Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
50516 On the cool, green hills of Earth.
50519 Spacemen back to their trade.
50521 And the lights below us fade.
50530 And the cool, green hills of Earth.
50531 		-- Robert A. Heinlein, 1941
50536 		-- A.E. Newman
50544 understand what a misfortune it is.
50545 	-- Kierkegaard, 1813-1855.
50547 What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.
50550 What, after all, is a halo?  It's only one more thing to keep clean.
50557 back of a cheque.
50561 We are as gods, but know it not.
50570 Can only be carried on one man's back.
50577 I grabbed a cake of soap and washed myself ashore.
50581 that into account when dealing with others.  Implicit in this definition is
50584 others, and to demand the assumption of this responsibility by others.
50586 What do you give a man who has everything?  Penicillin.
50590 Not enough sand.
50593 It makes a straight cut ditch of a free meandering brook.
50602 simultaneous peaking of four of the many cycles of American life.  First, a
50603 base of technology must exist from which to do the thing to be done.  Second,
50605 activities must exist.  Third, some catalytic event must occur that focuses
50606 the national attention upon the direction to proceed.  Finally, an articulate
50608 words and action the great thing to be accomplished.  The motivation of young
50610 conditions. ...  The Thomas Jeffersons, The Teddy Roosevelts, The John
50611 Kennedys appear.  We must begin to create the tools of leadership which they,
50612 and their young frontiersmen, will require to lead us onward and upward.
50613 		-- Dr. Harrison H. Schmidt
50615 What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
50627 What fools these mortals be.
50630 What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
50632 What goes up must come down.  But don't expect it to come down
50633 where you can find it.  Murphy's Law applied to Newton's.
50647 What happened last night can happen again.
50651 be pretty bad.
50664 Like a heavy load.
50669 What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
50677 broken down into subjects and predicates.  This is not because Quality
50678 is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct.
50679 		-- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
50681 What I tell you three times is true.
50684 What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
50687 In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
50701 		-- J.M. Barrie
50704 them puke.
50707 What is food to one, is to others bitter poison.
50711 will to power, power itself.  What is bad?  Everything that is born of
50712 weakness.  Not contentedness but more power; not peace but war; not virtue
50713 but fitness.  The weak and the failures shall perish: first principle of
50714 our love of man.  And they shall even be given every possible assistance.
50716 all the weak: Christianity.
50720 enemies.  Give a man these three things and you won't hear much squawking
50721 out of him.
50725 an accomplice.
50731 What is mind?  No matter.
50732 What is matter?  Never mind.
50735 What is now proved was once only imagin'd.
50745 	Status is when the President calls you for your opinion.
50747 Uh, no...
50749 	problem with him.
50751 Uh, that still ain't right...
50753 	and the phone rings.  The President picks it up, listens for a
50754 	minute, and hands it to you, saying, "It's for you."
50758 establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
50766 if you are an assassin.  The other person is supposed to suffer.
50768 		   from outside Sinanju named Remo.
50770 What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity.  We are all formed
50772 is the first law of nature.
50776 to be the truth.  A lie that is put across therefore becomes the truth and
50777 may, therefore, be justified.  The difficulty is to keep up lying... it is
50779 big thumping lie that will then be believed.
50784 which is the exact opposite.
50788 but the wish to find out, which is exact opposite.
50791 What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
50798 is that there's nothing to compare it with.
50801 is that they think themselves cleverer than we are.
50807 What most people want is all of the power but none of the responsibility.
50810 is that a writer is working when he's staring out the window.
50813 A man can be happy with any woman so long as he doesn't love her.
50818 		-- H.G. Wells
50820 What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.
50823 What one fool can do, another can.
50826 What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
50832 Into kernel memory.
50834 Inside of a VAX on a silicon square.
50836 What passes for optimism is most often the effect of an intellectual error.
50840 more than man's transparency.
50844 is often nothing more than man's transparency.
50846 What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism.
50852 and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort.
50864 their grasp before they were five years old.
50868 		-- U.K. LeGuin
50871 		-- J.D. Farley
50875 What system file, lay here a while	This, this is "acct.run,"
50876 While hackers around it were weeping?	Accounting file for everyone.
50878 					The file, the highseg of login.
50881 A bug in incant, made it thus.		Mount, mount all your DECtapes now
50882 And copy the file somehow, somehow.	The problem has not been corrected.
50884 					The file, the highseg of login.
50889 What soon grows old?  Gratitude.
50895 Slit your girl's, and swing for it.
50899 That's cured by hanging from a string.
50903 Shall whet their knives, and think of you.
50906 What the deuce is it to me?  You say that we go around the sun.  If we went
50907 around the moon it would not make a pennyworth of difference to me or my work.
50913 		   microprocessor was the wave of the future, c. 1968
50915 What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
50917 What the scientists have in their briefcases is terrifying.
50923 "I recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
50924 	(Yes, that about sums it up.)
50925 "The amount of mathematics she knows will surprise you."
50926 	(And I recommend not giving that school a dime...)
50927 "I simply can't say enough good things about him."
50928 	(What a screw-up.)
50929 "I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine."
50930 	(I can't tell you how happy I am that she left our firm.)
50932 a long way with his skills."
50933 	(We hoped he'd go as far as possible.)
50934 "You won't find many people like her."
50935 	(In fact, most people can't stand being around her.)
50936 "I cannot recommend him too highly."
50938 	 felony in my presence.)
50944 of him as I do."
50945 	(Or as little, to phrase it slightly more accurately.)
50946 "Her input was always critical."
50947 	(She never had a good word to say.)
50948 "I have no doubt about his capability to do good work."
50949 	(And it's nonexistent.)
50951 already has so many outstanding members."
50952 	(Unless you already have a moron.)
50954 one unbelievable result after another."
50955 	(And we didn't believe them, either.)
50956 "She is quite uniform in her approach to any function you may assign her."
50957 	(In fact, to life in general...)
50962 "You will be fortunate if you can get him to work for you."
50963 	(We certainly never succeeded.)
50964 There is no other employee with whom I can adequately compare him.
50965 	(Well, our rats aren't really employees...)
50966 "Success will never spoil him."
50967 	(Well, at least not MUCH more.)
50968 "One usually comes away from him with a good feeling."
50969 	(And such a sigh of relief.)
50971 in it he has definitely demonstrated his complete capabilities."
50972 	(And his IQ, as well.)
50973 "He should go far."
50974 	(The farther the better.)
50975 "He will take full advantage of his staff."
50976 	(He even has one of them mowing his lawn after work.)
50980 A major technological breakthrough...	Back to the drawing board.
50981 Developed after years of research	Discovered by pure accident.
50982 Project behind original schedule due	We're working on something else.
50984 Designs are within allowable limits	We made it, stretching a point or two.
50986 	assured					grateful for anything at all.
50989 The design will be finalized...		We haven't started yet, but we've got
50990 						to say something.
50991 The entire concept has been rejected	The guy who designed it quit.
50993 	approach				kicking it around.
50994 A number of different approaches...	We don't know where we're going, but
50995 						we're moving.
50996 Preliminary operational tests are	Blew up when we turned it on.
50998 Modifications are underway		We're starting over.
51002 New				Different colors from previous version.
51003 All New				Not compatible with previous version.
51004 Exclusive			Nobody else has documentation.
51005 Unmatched			Almost as good as the competition.
51006 Design Simplicity		The company wouldn't give us any money.
51007 Fool-proof Operation		All parameters are hard-coded.
51008 Advanced Design			Nobody really understands it.
51009 Here At Last			Didn't get it done on time.
51010 Field Tested			We don't have any simulators.
51011 Years of Development		Finally got one to work.
51012 Unprecedented Performance	Nothing ever ran this slow before.
51013 Revolutionary			Disk drives go 'round and 'round.
51014 Futuristic			Only runs on a next generation supercomputer.
51015 No Maintenance			Impossible to fix.
51016 Performance Proven		Worked through Beta test.
51017 Meets Tough Quality Standards	It compiles without errors.
51018 Satisfaction Guaranteed		We'll send you another pack if it fails.
51019 Stock Item			We shipped it before and can do it again.
51021 What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
51023 What this country needs is a good 5 dollar plasma weapon.
51027 What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
51029 What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
51032 I don't know, it keeps changing.
51035 but that from now on I can no longer believe you.
51038 What we Are is God's give to us.
51039 What we Become is our gift to God.
51041 What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.
51044 What we do not understand we do not possess.
51048 or more chance to participate in it.
51050 What we see depends on mainly what we look for.
51053 What we wish, that we readily believe.
51058 What you don't know won't help you much either.
51059 		-- D. Bennett
51062 your control.  But your fear is yours, and yours alone, like your voice, or
51063 your fingers, or your memory, and therefore yours to control.  If you feel
51065 with as you will.
51069 something to occur to you.
51072 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
51073 	 referring to AST's.]
51079 nostrils as far as they will go.  Then you sniff talcum powder while
51080 shredding hundred dollar bills."
51084 never succeed.
51085 		-- Rev. Henry Durant, founder of the University of California
51088 performance.
51094 Whatever is not nailed down is mine.
51095 Whatever I can pry up is not nailed down.
51096 		-- Collis P. Huntingdon, railroad tycoon
51098 Whatever it is, I fear Greeks even when they bring gifts.
51101 Whatever occurs from love is always beyond good and evil.
51105 as good.  Luckily this is not difficult.
51109 you do it.
51113 other people.
51116 Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
51118 What's a cult?  It just means not enough people to make a minority.
51126 What's done to children, they will do to society.
51134 with every one of us - and that's "selfishness."
51141 But I think it's your mind.
51148 jump after him -- that's where the money is.
51156 the principle of the thing," it's the money.
51160 the wall, she may be in the wrong rest room.
51163 inattentions of one.
51167 the first lion thinks the last a bore.
51168 		-- G.B. Shaw
51171 a disease, that means it can't be cured.
51175 should consider himself as public property.
51178 When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life.
51182 it concentrates his mind wonderfully.
51185 When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute.
51187 hour.  That's relativity.
51191 keep her.
51196 with changing conditions.  When a man you don't like does it, he is a
51197 liar who has broken his promises.
51200 When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
51203 far away.  It is time to go elsewhere.  The best thing about space travel
51204 is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
51205 		-- R.A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love"
51208 the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes.  The dog has certain
51209 relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
51213 first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.
51216 When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband.
51217 When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.
51221 yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him.
51223 Step number 3 is of particular importance.  If you leave the guy alive
51226 to support him for the rest of his rotten life.  In court he will plead
51229 poor.  In that lawsuit, you will lose.  If, on the other hand, you kill
51231 death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your
51232 story; forget Mother Teresa.  Second, even if you lose, how much could
51234 paralysis.  Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein.  Finish the job.
51235 	-- G. Gordon Liddy's Forbes column on personal security
51238 interrupted service for one minute in his honor.  They've been
51239 honoring him intermittently ever since, I believe.
51246 knob.
51249 When all else fails, read the instructions.
51251 When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
51253 When all other means of communication fail, try words.
51255 When among apes, one must play the ape.
51257 When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
51260 When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
51263 When arguments fail, use a blackjack.
51264 		-- Edward "Spike" O'Donnell, Al Capone associate.
51269 	circumference of a circle and its diameter.
51271 	Pi is 3.1415927, plus or minus 0.000000005.
51273 	Pi is about 3.
51275 When Boy Scouts do it, it's intense.
51277 When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults.
51281 like to take the one I've never tried before.
51294 was bound to happen in a democratic system.  However, we National Socialists
51298 consideration the means which were granted to us in times of our opposition.
51306 Well, last year, I think it was a Tuesday.
51308 When eating an elephant take one bite at a time.
51309 		-- Gen. C. Abrams
51312 or give them a date, but never both.
51315 He did not intend to guarantee them.
51317 When God saw how faulty was man He tried again and made woman.  As to
51318 why he then stopped there are two opinions.  One of them is woman's.
51324 screaming.  Weird masks and actors' clothes hung on the wall, and if he
51326 himself to destruction.
51330 to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
51337 when i die, i'd like to go peacefully.
51338 in my sleep.
51339 like my grandfather.
51342 like the passengers in his car...
51344 When I drink, *everybody* drinks!" a man shouted to the assembled bar patrons.  A
51345 loud general cheer went up.  After downing his whiskey, he hopped onto a
51347 drink!"  The announcement produced another cheer and another round of drinks.
51349 onto the stool.  "And when I pay," he bellowed, slapping five dollars onto
51353 and a willingness to compromise.
51358 if i'm leaving.
51362 then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
51366 lawyer so things like that can't happen.
51369 When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.  I
51371 what you like now."
51375 for him.  All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough.
51376 		-- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report"
51378 When I kill, the only thing I feel is recoil.
51381 myself, the four young ladies, and, of course, the goat.
51384 to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."
51387 When I say the magic word to all these people, they will vanish forever.
51389 to be seen again.
51390 		-- Kurt Vonnegut Jr., "Between Time and Timbuktu"
51393 it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality.
51400 A song that's spoke,			I say "Yes ma'am" for working's sake.
51402 When I think about myself.		Too poor to break,
51404 					When I think about myself.
51411 When I think about my folks.
51414 When I was 16, I thought there was no hope for my father.
51415 By the time I was 20, he had made great improvement.
51417 When I was a boy I was told that anyone could become President.
51418 Now I'm beginning to believe it.
51421 When I was a child...  We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...
51422 I was an only child...  eventually.
51425 When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman.  After school we'd
51426 all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us.
51427 It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
51430 When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard.
51431 I was an only child... eventually.
51435 woman.  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.
51439 I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
51442 When I was growing up my mother kept telling me we're just friends.
51444 I tell ya I was an ugly kid.  I was so ugly that my Dad kept the kid's
51445 picture that came with the wallet he bought.
51449 say in front of girls.  Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".
51452 I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
51455 When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.
51459 of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A group of
51460 seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a six-year-old.  "It is
51461 always so," my mother said.  "You do things together which not one of you
51462 would think of doing alone."  ...  Wherever one looks in the world of human
51463 organization, collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.
51466 together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
51470 had to take drugs and go to concerts.
51475 remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to go to
51476 pieces like this but we all have to do it.
51480 slept well.  I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."
51483 When I works, I works hard.
51484 When I sits, I sits easy.
51485 And when I thinks, I goes to sleep.
51487 When I'm gone, boxing will be nothing again.  The fans with the cigars and
51489 the street and foreign presidents.  It's goin' to be back to the fighter who
51491 he's in shape.  Old hat.  I was the onliest boxer in history people asked
51492 questions like a senator.
51495 When I'm good, I'm great; but when I'm bad, I'm better.
51500 When in trouble delegate.
51502 When in doubt, do it.  It's much easier
51503 to apologize than to get permission.
51506 When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
51508 When in doubt, follow your heart.
51510 When in doubt, have a man come through the door with a gun in his hand.
51513 When in doubt, lead trump.
51515 When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate; when in charge, ponder.
51516 		-- James H. Boren
51518 When in doubt, tell the truth.
51521 When in doubt, use brute force.
51524 When in Rome, live in the Roman way.
51525 		-- St. Ambrose
51538 When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
51541 half his wife's fault, and half her mother's.
51543 When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
51546 it is necessary not to make a decision.
51548 When it's dark enough you can see the stars.
51552 users do things by hand.
51554 users lose their spirit.
51556 Hack for the user's benefit.
51557 Trust them; leave them alone.
51559 When love is gone, there's always justice.
51560 And when justice is gone, there's always force.
51561 And when force is gone, there's always Mom.
51566 will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
51568 When managers hold endless meetings, the programmers write games.  When
51570 be cut.  When senior scientists talk blue sky, the clouds are about to roll
51571 in.
51573 Truly, this is not the Tao of Programming.
51575 When managers make commitments, game programs are ignored.  When accountants
51576 make long-range plans, harmony and order are about to be restored.  When
51578 solved.
51580 Truly, this is the Tao of Programming.
51583 Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
51585 When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
51589 literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.
51593 Before I use it and lose my cool.
51595 Before I laugh and act like a fool.
51598 Put you finger down my throat.
51603 	to be the sad man.
51604 Behind blue eyes.
51607 To telling only lies.
51611 at her request, moved to a different room.  She told me she didn't
51612 think she had ever seen a Jew before.  My only response was to begin
51613 wearing a small Star of David on a chain around my neck.  I had not
51616 was and what I believed in.  Similarly, after talking to these young
51619 most unlikely of situations.
51623 touched, the majority of men live content.
51626 When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
51628 When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
51632 but when one studies men, one excuses women.
51635 When one wants to get rid of an unsupportable pressure, one needs hashish.
51640 it less and less."
51643 When oxygen Tech played Hydrogen U.
51648 Called because of rain.
51651 the least they can do is to shut up.
51654 When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
51659 newspapers differed in their versions of the event.  This is from "Paris
51660 was Yesterday: 1925-1939" by Janet Flanner, edited by Irving Drutman.
51669 	Rothschild, where his assassination occurred.
51673 is away and you get twice as much done.
51674 		-- Daniel B. Luten
51676 When smashing monuments, save the pedestals -- they always come in handy.
51677 		-- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"
51680 big changes, it means that they want you to change first.
51683 can't understand why everybody isn't eager to hear it.
51688 U.N. and O.A.S.,			To the shores of Tripoli,
51695 						peaceful means.
51697 Till somebody we like can be elected.	We hate that expression!
51705 which I need only say what I wish done," give him a lollipop.
51708 When speculation has done its worst, two plus two still equals four.
51709 		-- S. Johnson
51711 When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
51716 	It weighs less than 8 pounds.*
51717 	And costs less than $1,300.**
51722 	this means is that the IIc alone weights 7.5 pounds. The power
51724 	will make the IIc weigh more. Our lawyers were concerned that you
51725 	might not be able to figure this out for yourself.
51727      ** The FTC is concerned about price fixing. You can pay more if
51728 	you really want to.  Or less.
51734 When the blind lead the blind they will both fall over the cliff.
51738 talking about themselves.
51740 When the candles are out all women are fair.
51743 When the cup is full, carry it level.
51745 When the English language gets in my way, I walk over it.
51749 muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.
51751 When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
51754 When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
51756 When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
51758 When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
51759 		-- Hunter S. Thompson
51762 your problem, you modify the problem, not the remedy.
51765 the problem, not the remedy.
51768 are hardly aware that he exists.
51769 Next best is a sysop who is loved.
51770 Next, one who is feared.
51771 And worst, one who is despised.
51774 you make them untrustworthy.
51776 The Guru doesn't talk, he hacks.
51785 The mobilization order is already written out.
51790 I take my place among the sellers.
51793 When the lights are out, all women are fair.
51798 nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.
51802 like a nail.
51804 When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.
51807 When the revolution comes, count your change.
51810 if he could stay the night.  The farmer agreed to put him up.  "I live alone,"
51812 right."
51813 	"Oh, never mind," the disappointed salesman said. "I think I'm in
51814 the wrong joke."
51816 When the sun shineth, make hay.
51823 bodies of a lower grade...
51828 seat." The man moaned, but did not budge.  "Sir," the user said more loudly,
51829 "if you don't move, I'll have to call a manager."  The man moaned again but
51830 stayed where he was. The usher left, and returned with the manager, who, after
51831 several more attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police.
51834 	"Samuel," he mumbled.
51836 	"The balcony."
51839 when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
51842 is to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
51843 		-- H. Allen Smith, "Let the Crabgrass Grow"
51845 When there is an old maid in the house, a watch dog is unnecessary.
51849 explode, erode, collapse or just disappear.
51854 continuously until death do them part.
51858 other user interfaces become ugly.
51860 other programs become lossage.
51862 Pointers and NULLs reference each other.
51863 High level and assembler depend on each other.
51864 Double and float cast to each other.
51865 High-endian and low-endian define each other.
51866 While and until follow each other.
51870 and teaches without saying anything.
51872 processes are swapped and he lets them go.
51874 acts but doesn't expect.
51875 When his work is done, he deletes it.
51876 That is why it lasts forever.
51879 we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary.
51883 anyone.  Eventually I stumbled across two colonels, a major, three captains,
51884 two lieutenants, and one rifleman, and we secured the bridge.  Never in the
51885 history of war have so few been led by so many.
51888 When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh.
51891 as before -- except our finger-tips will have been singed.
51894 it turns out we do and they don't.
51896 When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
51897 		-- H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae"
51901 even our virtues.
51904 When you are about to die, a wombat is better than no company at all.
51910 goal.
51914 when you are elsewhere live as they live elsewhere.
51915 		-- St. Ambrose
51917 When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
51919 When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
51923 your parents' limitations...  At the same time, you feel sure that in all
51925 vital something that can be known -- known and grasped.  That we will
51927 narrative.  So that then one's true life -- the point of everything --
51928 will emerge from the mist into a pure light, into total comprehension.
51929 But it isn't like that at all.  But if it isn't, where did the idea come
51934 you may consider yourself Americanized.
51936 When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
51938 When you die, you lose a very important part of your life.
51942 you've got a place to bury your own.
51944 When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
51946 When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
51949 When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
51957 When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
51966 When it looks like you will take a lickin'...
51969 Caaaaaall for Super Chicken.
51974 And see what that man has to say.
51978 	Is the one staring back from the glass.
51982 If you can't look him straight in the eye.
51986 	If the man in the glass is your friend.
51990 If you've cheated the man in the glass.
51993 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
51996 When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
51999 remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
52003 clarified your attitude toward him.  You have given a definite
52004 answer to a definite problem.  For better or worse you have
52005 acted decisively.  In a way, the next move is up to him.
52006 		-- R.A. Lafferty
52008 When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
52009 		-- W. Churchill, on formal declarations of war
52012 moves the ground from beneath your feet.
52013 		-- Stanislaw J. Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"
52016 just about everything you do is wrong.
52019 watch out for guys with erasers.
52023 show him your sword.
52025 do not show him your poem.
52029 more users become cretins.
52031 more users become crackers.
52037 and toughening their resolve.
52039 management will not try to interfere.
52042 and everything will fall into place.
52045 you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
52049 when they speak to you for your own good it's interference.
52052 chances are that is the impression you will make.
52054 When you were born, a big chance was taken for you.
52056 When your conscious becomes unconscious, you are drunk.
52057 When your unconscious becomes conscious, you are stoned.
52060 They will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.
52065 When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
52066 		-- Henry J. Kaiser
52071 To your last Cabernet.
52076 You're driving a Beamer.
52081 I feel the same when you are hear.
52084 When you're bored with yourself, marry, and be bored with someone else.
52088 something's wrong, you're probably right.
52093 When you're in command, command.
52096 When you're married to someone, they take you for granted ... when
52097 you're living with someone it's fantastic ... they're so frightened
52098 of losing you they've got to keep you satisfied all the time.
52101 When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
52106 your elbow out the window or it'll turn into a fossil.
52107 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
52109 When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
52113 abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
52116 laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.  Struggle
52117 to become a parrot or something.
52118 		-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
52120 Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean "not really".
52127 Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
52130 a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
52131 		-- A. Lincoln
52134 is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
52135 Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
52138 Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
52144 	Clean-favored, and imperially slim.
52148 	"Good morning," and he glittered when he walked.
52152 	To make us wish that we were in his place.
52156 	Went home and put a bullet through his head.
52157 		-- E.A. Robinson, "Richard Cory"
52160 you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.
52164 on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
52168 side of the majority, it is time to reform.
52173 and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons.
52183 	There is a slight loss of parity.
52184 	Johnny's so long at the fair.
52193 is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
52200 examine the laws of heat.
52205 I searched the world over, and I thought I'd found true love.
52206 You met another, and *PPHHHLLLBBBBTTT*, you wuz gone.
52208 Gloom, despair and agony on me.
52209 Deep dark depression, excessive misery.
52210 If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
52211 Oh, gloom, despair and agony on me.
52223 Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
52226 in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.
52228 Where there is much light there is also much shadow.
52231 Where there's a whip there's a way.
52233 Where there's a will, there's a relative.
52235 Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
52238 Probably somewhere near where it all began.
52240 Where you stand depends on where you sit.
52243 Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.
52250 ...whether it is better to spend a life not knowing what you want or to
52251 spend a life knowing exactly what you want and that you will never have it.
52255 Do not cease your single-handed struggle.
52256 Go on, do not rest.
52260 The Universe is laughing behind your back.
52267 wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.
52274 The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
52283 The Rights of Woman merit some attention.
52287 I'm trying to perfect several.
52290 Eastwood agreed to a television interview.  His host, somewhat hostile,
52293 define a Clint Eastwood picture.  "To me," said Eastwood calmly, "what
52294 a Clint Eastwood picture is, is one that I'm in."
52298 As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
52301 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
52302 	 referring to hardware interrupts.]
52305 The very pulse of the machine.
52308 	[Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
52309 	 referring to software interrupts.]
52312 lets you choose your own form of misery.
52314 While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
52317 the conviction of their correctness never does.
52320 held a gun to his head.
52323 as the muzzle pressed harder into his temple.
52324 	"Bush or Dukakis?" the mugger insisted.
52326 his head.  "Go ahead and shoot."
52328 While there's life, there's hope.
52338 Me mudder t'inks I am.
52343 Dat was ugly, mean or bad.		From that small, untutored boy.
52347 Dat his mudder t'inks he is."		Your mother thinks you are.
52348 		-- Will S. Adkin, "If I Only Was the Fellow"
52350 While we are sleeping, two-thirds of the world is plotting to do us in.
52354 still very reassuring to know that it's still there.
52357 they've regrouped and are making another attack.
52360 your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his.
52365 	You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.
52367 Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
52369 White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
52372 so that Ronnie can sleep with his head in the hall.  That way, by the
52373 time he wakes up, somebody will have already shined his hair.
52376 	The obvious answer is always overlooked.
52382 	...they might want to cut it out...
52385 	...and they want to avoid a lengthy search.
52393 our new Triple-Iso-Bifurcated-Krypton-Gate-MOS process...
52399 Remains a fool his whole life long.
52402 Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
52405 Who goeth a-borrowing goeth a-sorrowing.
52408 Who is D.B. Cooper, and where is he now?
52412 Who is W.O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
52414 Who loves me will also love my dog.
52420 Will view John Knox in Paradise.
52424 'Tis made, and here am I in hell.
52426 I never soiled with such a deed.
52427 		-- A.E. Housman
52436 		-- Harry Warner, Warner Bros. Pictures, c. 1927
52439 offends no law, and is a king indeed.
52452 Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
52455 become a monster.  And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks
52456 into you.
52460 become a monster.  And when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also
52461 looks into you.
52464 Whoever named it "necking" was a poor judge of anatomy.
52468 pure in heart can make a good soup.
52471 Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
52473 Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane.
52475 Whom the mad would destroy, first they make Gods.
52483 Why a man would want a wife is a big mystery to some people.
52484 Why a man would want *two* wives is a bigamystery.
52490 Because their time is wasted in meetings.
52493 Because the management interferes too much.
52496 Because they are burnt out.
52498 Having worked for poor management, they no longer value their jobs.
52506 So long as it's clean.
52511 improvement.  Obscurity is of value only when it tends to clarify the poetic
52512 experience.  As much as one is compelled to admire the poem's technique, one
52514 fact distract from the unity of the whole.  In the final analysis, one
52517 meaning.  It is to be hoped that further publication of this poem can be
52519 implications.
52521 Why attack God?  He may be as miserable as we are.
52544 meaning?  "It is the complex case that is easier to deal with."  "If it
52546 corner."
52549 'Cause if they lived near the bay, they'd be called baygulls.
52552 It's quite uncanny.
52566 Why does man kill?  He kills for food.
52567 And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
52576 pet coon.  This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to
52577 pay the fiddler.
52580 Why don't you fix your little problem... and light this candle?
52584 kissed her cow.
52589 I'd LOVE to, but...
52590 	-- I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.
52591 	-- None of my socks match.
52592 	-- I'm having all my plants neutered.
52593 	-- I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
52594 	-- My yucca plant is feeling yucky.
52595 	-- I'm touring China with a wok band.
52596 	-- My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.
52598 		named Basil Metabolism.
52599 	-- There are important world issues that need worrying about.
52600 	-- I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.
52601 	-- I prefer to remain an enigma.
52602 	-- I think you want the OTHER Peggy/Cathy/Mike/whomever.
52603 	-- I feel a song coming on.
52607 I'd LOVE to, but...
52608 	-- I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.
52609 	-- I have to sit up with a sick ant.
52610 	-- I'm trying to be less popular.
52611 	-- My bathroom tiles need grouting.
52612 	-- I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.
52613 	-- My subconscious says no.
52615 		can't seem to put it down.
52616 	-- My favorite commercial is on TV.
52617 	-- I have to study for my blood test.
52618 	-- I've been traded to Cincinnati.
52619 	-- I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.
52620 	-- I have to go to court for kitty littering.
52624 I'd LOVE to, but...
52625 	-- I have to floss my cat.
52626 	-- I've dedicated my life to linguine.
52627 	-- I need to spend more time with my blender.
52628 	-- It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
52629 	-- It's my night to pet the dog/ferret/goldfish/radio.
52630 	-- I'm going downtown to try on some gloves.
52631 	-- I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
52632 	-- I'm due at the bakery to watch the buns rise.
52633 	-- I have an appointment with a cuticle specialist.
52634 	-- I have some really hard words to look up.
52638 I'd LOVE to, but...
52639 	-- I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
52640 	-- I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
52641 	-- The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.
52642 	-- I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
52643 	-- I have to fulfill my potential.
52644 	-- I don't want to leave my comfort zone.
52645 	-- It's too close to the turn of the century.
52646 	-- I have to bleach my hare.
52647 	-- I'm worried about my vertical hold knob.
52648 	-- I left my body in my other clothes.
52652 I'd LOVE to, but...
52653 	-- I've got a Friends of the Lowly Rutabaga meeting.
52654 	-- I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
52655 	-- I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.
52656 	-- I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.
52657 	-- It's my parakeet's bowling night.
52658 	-- I'm building a plant from a kit.
52659 	-- There's a disturbance in the Force.
52660 	-- I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.
52661 	-- I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.
52662 	-- My crayons all melted together.
52669 It is because we are not the person involved.
52682 are another's.
52687 Well, then -- You will do me this favor. -- Why not? -- Why should you not
52689 me to.  Why not?  Why should I not do it for you?  Strange!  Why not? --
52690 I can't think why not.
52714 eternity for his faithlessness.
52728 	available revenue and then some.
52732 	centimeters from a kick in the pants.
52734 Will Rogers never met you.
52744 	Remember to never split an infinitive.  The passive voice
52745 should never be used.  Do not put statements in the negative form.
52746 Verbs have to agree with their subjects.  Proofread carefully to see if
52747 you words out.  If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a
52748 great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.  A
52749 writer must not shift your point of view.  And don't start a sentence
52750 with a conjunction.  (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word
52751 to end a sentence with.)  Don't overuse exclamation marks!!  Place
52753 or more words, to their antecedents.  Writing carefully, dangling
52754 participles must be avoided.  If any word is improper at the end of a
52755 sentence, a linking verb is.  Take the bull by the hand and avoid
52756 mixing metaphors.  Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.  Everyone
52758 their writing.  Always pick on the correct idiom.  The adverb always
52759 follows the verb.  Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague;
52760 seek viable alternatives.
52764 	anything may be proven by statistical methods.
52769 Willie's quite hard-boiled by now.	It rained Willie seven days.
52772 Gouged the baby's eyeballs out;		Fell in the fire and burned to an ash.
52773 Stamped on them to make them pop.	Now, although the room grows chilly,
52774 Mother cried, "Now, William, stop!"	I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.
52777 Nailed the baby to the door.		Threw his sister in the well!
52779 "Careful, Will, don't mar the paint."	'sure is hard to raise a daughter.'
52783 	All conversations with a potato should be conducted in private.
52785 Winning isn't everything.  It's the only thing.
52788 Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
52790 Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity...
52792 head... if you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick...
52795 Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
52799 as warm as it was in the summer, when they complained about the heat.
52802 hold of her, making happy each one holding her fast.
52805 Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
52806 		-- J. Winter Smith
52808 Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
52810 Wishing without work is like fishing without bait.
52814 	The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery...
52815 	by leaving it out.
52817 With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
52820 why can't they just once build a nuclear balm.
52823 amazing that a woman could be up here with us.
52826 With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
52829 they make a law it's a joke.
52830 		-- W. Rogers
52835 is no such thing as progress.
52836 		-- Ransom K. Ferm
52839 she lies.  And when she lies, she does not believe herself.
52842 With listening comes wisdom, with speaking repentance.
52846 but to tyrants I will give no quarter.
52851 party.  Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful coed and
52853 parties.
52855 strong academic types than to the dumb party animals," she said.  "What's
52856 your G.P.A.?"
52858 the city and forty on the highway."
52862 party.  Soon after arriving, he was captivated by a beautiful coed and
52864 parties.
52866 strong academic types than to the dumb party animals," she said.  "What's
52867 you G.P.A.?"
52872 it.  I slip the loop around their necks so they can't get away or come too
52873 close.  Like catching snakes.
52876 Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
52881 Union.  I'll never forget being lectured by an Air Force colonel about how
52882 we should have "nuked" the Soviets in late 1940s before they got The Bomb.
52884 them again -- and this time we'd use it.
52889 Without adventure, civilization is in full decay.
52893 way he did.  In addition to paper and pens, he took with him everywhere as an
52895 important to him than his table or his white robe.
52898 Without fools there would be no wisdom.
52900 Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
52902 Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
52905 without intelligence love is not enough.
52913 The future's uncertain and the end is always near.
52916 Woke up this morning, don't believe what I saw.  Hundred billion
52917 bottles washed up on the shore.  Seems I never noted being alone.
52918 Hundred billion castaways looking for a call.
52921 	A man who knows all the ankles.
52925 	having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.
52929 Yogi Berra: "No, ma'am, its not even carbonated."
52932 want to own one.
52933 		-- W.C. Fields
52935 Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
52939 between a good and a bad woman scarcely exists.
52942 Woman on Street:	Sir, you are drunk; very, very drunk.
52943 Winston Churchill:	Madame, you are ugly; very, very ugly.
52944 			I shall be sober in the morning.
52946 Woman was God's second mistake.
52952 that he might love her.
52956 fall into her arms without falling into her hands.
52959 Woman's advice has little value, but he who won't take it is a fool.
52963 they're the kind of problem I enjoy wrestling with.
52966 Women are all alike.  When they're maids they're mild as milk:
52968 marriage certificates, and defy you.
52975 Women are just like men, only different.
52978 look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
52979 		-- W.C. Fields
52981 Women are not much, but they are the best other sex we have.
52984 Women are nothing but machines for producing children.
52987 Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
52990 Women aren't as mere as they used to be.
52994 but it takes more of them to do it.
52996 Women complain about sex more than men.  Their gripes fall into two
52997 categories: (1) Not enough and (2) Too much.
53001 as good as any other.
53005 Devil wants nothing more to do with them.
53008 Women give to men the very gold of their lives.  Possibly;
53009 but they invariably want it back in such very small change.
53013 crying, a little dying -- and a good deal of lying.
53016 Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners.
53018 original earth clinging to the roots.
53022 than men who reason with the head.
53026 but never a man who misses one.
53029 Women treat us just as humanity treats its gods.  They worship
53030 us and are always bothering us to do something for them.
53033 Women want their men to be cops.  They want you to punish them and tell
53034 them what the limits are.  The only thing that women hate worse from a man
53035 than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.
53039 indemnified them by a few gracious words.
53043 the cold blood of an experienced attorney.
53047 always tell him that he is a lion with a will of iron.
53050 Women who desire to be like men, lack ambition.
53052 Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination.
53056 graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves.
53059 Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one.
53061 Women's virtue is man's greatest invention.
53065 and philosophy begins in wonder.
53068 Wonderful day.
53069 Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.
53072 	A theory is better than its explanation.
53074 Woody:  What's the story, Mr. Peterson?
53075 Norm:   The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery.
53076         Let's just cut to the happy ending.
53079 Woody:  Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.
53080 Norm:   I know, and if she calls, I'm not here.
53084 Norm: Have I gotten that predictable?  Good.
53087 Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?
53092 Norm: My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.
53095 Woody: Nice cold beer coming up, Mr. Peterson.
53096 Norm:  You mean, `Nice cold beer going *down* Mr. Peterson.'
53099 Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?
53100 Norm:  See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers.
53103 Sam:   Well, look at you.  You look like the cat that
53104        swallowed the canary.
53105 Norm:  And I need a beer to wash him down.
53108 Woody:  Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?
53109 Norm:   No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.
53112 Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's up?
53113 Norm:  The warranty on my liver.
53117 Norm: Open up those beer taps and, oh, take the day off, Sam.
53120 Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
53121 Norm:  Another layer for the winter, Wood.
53124 Woody: How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?
53125 Norm:  Poor.
53126 Woody: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
53127 Norm:  No, I meant `pour'.
53130 Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, what's the story?
53131 Norm:  Boy meets beer.  Boy drinks beer.  Boy gets another beer.
53135 Norm:  Like a baby treats a diaper.
53138 Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
53139 Norm:  Let's talk about what's going *in* Mr. Peterson.  A beer, Woody.
53143 Norm: It's not, Sammy, but that doesn't mean you can't.
53146 Woody:  Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
53149 Norm:   No, for stupid questions.
53152 Woody: What's happening, Mr. Peterson?
53156 Woody: What's going down, Mr. Peterson?
53157 Norm:  My cheeks on this barstool.
53160 Woody: Hey, Mr. Peterson, can I pour you a beer?
53161 Norm:  Well, okay, Woody, but be sure to stop me at one. ...
53162        Eh, make that one-thirty.
53167 	solve rather than accept a solution they cannot understand.
53169 Words are the voice of the heart.
53171 Words can never express what words can never express.
53173 Words have a longer life than deeds.
53176 Words must be weighed, not counted.
53180 	soap operas for which you actually get paid.
53182 Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
53183 Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
53186 Work continues in this area.
53189 Work expands to fill the time available.
53194 to do so.
53197 Work is the crab grass in the lawn of life.
53200 Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
53204 a handshake, and have fun.
53206 		   shortly before dying at the age of 86.
53208 Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
53212 But vision with work is the hope of the world.
53215 a valentine.
53219 since H.G. Wells uttered his glum warning:  "There is no more evil
53220 thing on earth than race prejudice, none at all.  I write deliberately
53221 -- it is the worst single thing in life now.  It justifies and holds
53223 error in the world."
53227 It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.
53230 	August.  The lift lines are the shortest, though.
53234 	February.  February has only 28 days in it, which means that if
53236 	don't get.  Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible.
53240 	Brussel sprout.  This is also the worst vegetable of next year.
53244 Yes, but not worth going to see.
53246 Worthless.
53251 		   15, 1842.
53261 Would that my hand were as swift as my tongue.
53282 "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.
53289 Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
53292 Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
53295 Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
53299 	left by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error
53301 	the momentary inconvenience.
53306 	by disk manufacturers.  The use of the tab creates an error message
53308 	inconvenience.
53312 witness to the apocalyptic power of a new divinity.  Their conviction results
53313 from something deeper than mere gratitude for the computer's conveniences.
53315 and new schisms among believers.  In the 16th century the printed book helped
53316 make possible the split between Catholics and Protestants.  In the 20th
53317 century this history of tragedy and triumph is repeating itself as a farce.
53319 PC are equally convinced that the other camp is damned or deluded.  Each cult
53320 holds in contempt the rituals and the laws of the other.  Each thinks that it
53321 is itself the one hope for salvation.
53324 Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
53327 paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
53330 Writing is turning one's worst moments into money.
53331 		-- J.P. Donleavy
53333 Writing software is more fun than working.
53338 	What You See Is What You Get.
53341 	Accept any substitute.
53342 	If it's broke, don't fix it.
53343 	If it ain't broke, fix it.
53344 	Form follows malfunction.
53345 	The Cutting Edge of Obsolescence.
53346 	The trailing edge of software technology.
53347 	Armageddon never looked so good.
53348 	Japan's secret weapon.
53349 	You'll envy the dead.
53350 	Making the world safe for competing window systems.
53351 	Let it get in YOUR way.
53352 	The problem for your problem.
53353 	If it starts working, we'll fix it.  Pronto.
53354 	It could be worse, but it'll take time.
53355 	Simplicity made complex.
53356 	The greatest productivity aid since typhoid.
53357 	Flakey and built to stay that way.
53359 One thousand monkeys.  One thousand MicroVAXes.  One thousand years.
53360 	X windows.
53363 	It's not how slow you make it.  It's how you make it slow.
53364 	The windowing system preferred by masochists 3 to 1.
53365 	Built to take on the world... and lose!
53366 	Don't try it 'til you've knocked it.
53367 	Power tools for Power Fools.
53368 	Putting new limits on productivity.
53369 	The closer you look, the cruftier we look.
53370 	Design by counterexample.
53371 	A new level of software disintegration.
53372 	No hardware is safe.
53373 	Do your time.
53374 	Rationalization, not realization.
53375 	Old-world software cruftsmanship at its finest.
53376 	Gratuitous incompatibility.
53377 	Your mother.
53378 	THE user interference management system.
53379 	You can't argue with failure.
53380 	You haven't died 'til you've used it.
53382 The environment of today... tomorrow!
53383 	X windows.
53386 	Something you can be ashamed of.
53387 	30%% more entropy than the leading window system.
53388 	The first fully modular software disaster.
53389 	Rome was destroyed in a day.
53390 	Warn your friends about it.
53391 	Climbing to new depths.  Sinking to new heights.
53392 	An accident that couldn't wait to happen.
53393 	Don't wait for the movie.
53394 	Never use it after a big meal.
53396 	Plumbing the depths of human incompetence.
53397 	It'll make your day.
53398 	Don't get frustrated without it.
53399 	Power tools for power losers.
53400 	A software disaster of Biblical proportions.
53401 	Never had it.  Never will.
53402 	The software with no visible means of support.
53403 	More than just a generation behind.
53405 Hindenburg.  Titanic.  Edsel.
53406 	X windows.
53409 	The ultimate bottleneck.
53410 	Flawed beyond belief.
53411 	The only thing you have to fear.
53412 	Somewhere between chaos and insanity.
53413 	On autopilot to oblivion.
53414 	The joke that kills.
53415 	A disgrace you can be proud of.
53416 	A mistake carried out to perfection.
53417 	Belongs more to the problem set than the solution set.
53418 	To err is X windows.
53419 	Ignorance is our most important resource.
53420 	Complex nonsolutions to simple nonproblems.
53421 	Built to fall apart.
53422 	Nullifying centuries of progress.
53423 	Falling to new depths of inefficiency.
53424 	The last thing you need.
53425 	The defacto substandard.
53427 Elevating brain damage to an art form.
53428 	X windows.
53431 	We will dump no core before its time.
53432 	One good crash deserves another.
53433 	A bad idea whose time has come.  And gone.
53434 	We make excuses.
53435 	It didn't even look good on paper.
53437 	A new concept in abuser interfaces.
53439 	It could happen to you.
53440 	The art of incompetence.
53441 	You have nothing to lose but your lunch.
53442 	When uselessness just isn't enough.
53443 	More than a mere hindrance.  It's a whole new barrier!
53444 	When you can't afford to be right.
53445 	And you thought we couldn't make it worse.
53447 If it works, it isn't X windows.
53450 	You'd better sit down.
53451 	Don't laugh.  It could be YOUR thesis project.
53453 	Live the nightmare.
53454 	Our bugs run faster.
53455 	When it absolutely, positively HAS to crash overnight.
53456 	There ARE no rules.
53457 	You'll wish we were kidding.
53458 	Everything you never wanted in a window system.  And more.
53459 	Dissatisfaction guaranteed.
53460 	There's got to be a better way.
53461 	The next best thing to keypunching.
53462 	Leave the thrashing to us.
53463 	We wrote the book on core dumps.
53464 	Even your dog won't like it.
53465 	More than enough rope.
53466 	Garbage at your fingertips.
53468 Incompatibility.  Shoddiness.  Uselessness.
53469 	X windows.
53471 Xerox does it again and again and again and...
53473 Xerox never comes up with anything original.
53475 XEROX never does anything original.
53479 	get twice as much done.  If the Earth could be made to rotate twenty
53481 	the managers would fly off.
53483 	It costs a lot to build bad products.
53485 	There are many highly successful businesses in the United States.
53486 	There are also many highly paid executives.  The policy is not to
53487 	intermingle the two.
53489 	After the year 2015, there will be no airplane crashes.  There will
53491 	of every airplane's weight.
53494 	and two-thirds of the problems.
53498 	The more one produces, the less one gets.
53500 	Simple systems are not feasible because they require infinite testing.
53502 	Hardware works best when it matters the least.
53506 	additional hours needed to fix the broken electronics.
53509 	unexpected should have been expected.
53511 	A billion saved is a billion earned.
53515 	Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water.  The other
53516 	third is covered with auditors from headquarters.
53519 	less time you have to spend doing what you have been talking about.
53521 	until finally you spend all your time talking about nothing.
53523 	Regulations grow at the same rate as weeds.
53527 	as long as the official's who created it.
53530 	government workers than there are workers.
53532 	People working in the private sector should try to save money.
53533 	There remains the possibility that it may someday be valuable again.
53537 they leave to the imagination is the plot.
53541 	aircraft.  This aircraft will have to be shared by the Air Force and
53543 	made available to the Marines for the extra day.
53545 	Software is like entropy.  It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing,
53546 	and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics, i.e., it always increases.
53548 	It is very expensive to achieve high unreliability.  It is not uncommon
53550 	ten degradation accomplished.
53553 	be a thriving market in the sale of books on how to fix them.
53557 	administration requests -- minus 4-percent tax.
53561 	It's easy to get a loan unless you need it.
53564 	not selling advice.
53567 	currently estimated.
53571 	costly action known to man.
53574 	or a new canvas to an artist.
53579 	other, it can be assured that disaster is not left to chance.
53581 	Rank does not intimidate hardware.  Neither does the lack of rank.
53583 	It is better to be the reorganizer than the reorganizee.
53586 	jobs only about five years.  Those who produce effective results
53587 	hang on about half a decade.
53590 	the people doing the work have lost track of the questions.
53594 	The optimum committee has no members.
53597 	turning problems into gold -- your problems into their gold.
53599 	Fools rush in where incumbents fear to tread.
53603 	randomly.
53607 	the data authenticity.
53612 	contract is about one millimeter per million dollars.  If all the
53614 	at the bottom of the Grand Canyon it would probably be a good idea.
53616 	Ninety percent of the time things will turn out worse than you expect.
53617 	The other 10 percent of the time you had no right to expect so much.
53619 	The early bird gets the worm.
53620 	The early worm ... gets eaten.
53623 	the year -- in either direction.
53625 	Most projects start out slowly -- and then sort of taper off.
53632 their endless search for "one more feature".  Their irritating
53634 doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right.
53635 		-- Stephen C. Johnson, "Yacc guide acknowledgements"
53640 Yawd [noun, Bostonese]:  the campus of Have Id.
53644 I'll wipe away all trivial fond records.
53647 Yeah, God is dead, he laughed himself to death.
53650 a duck, and quacks like a duck -- shoot it.
53652 Yeah, that's me, Tracer Bullet.  I've got eight slugs in me.  One's lead,
53653 the rest bourbon.  The drink packs a wallop, and I pack a revolver.  I'm
53654 a private eye.
53658 but they won't go out with you if you don't have any.
53661 	A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
53666 1962  Dr. No				Sean Connery	1958
53683 	* -- Not a Broccoli production.
53685 Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
53690 L-shaped ones.  Unfortunately, it's a lower case l.
53693 Yes me, I got a bottle in front of me.
53694 And Jimmy has a frontal lobotomy.
53695 Just different ways to kill the pain the same.
53697 Than to have to have a frontal lobotomy.
53698 I might be drunk but at least I'm not insane.
53699 		-- Randy Ansley M.D. (Dr. Rock)
53701 Yes, that was Richard Nixon.  He used to be President.  When he left
53702 the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware.
53706 that order.
53709 Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I'm a dog.
53710 Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog.
53711 Sigh!  There's so little hope for advancement.
53715 I met a man who wasn't there.
53717 I think he's from the CIA.
53719 Ye've also got to remember that ... respectable people do the most
53720 astonishin' things to preserve their respectability.  Thank God
53721 I'm not respectable.
53724 Yevtushenko has... an ego that can crack crystal at a distance of twenty
53725 feet.
53728 Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
53732 	hoping no one will notice.
53735 You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
53738 spray paint cans in a cul-de-sac in a Cleveland suburb.
53740 You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
53742 You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
53744 You are a taxi driver.  Your cab is yellow and black, and has been in
53745 use for only seven years.  One of its windshield wipers is broken, and
53746 the carburetor needs adjusting.  The tank holds 20 gallons, but at the
53747 moment is only three-quarters full.  How old is the taxi driver?"
53749 You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.
53752 You are absolute plate-glass. I see to the very back of your mind.
53755 You are always busy.
53757 You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
53760 I demand that you log off immediately.
53762 You are as I am with You.
53764 You are capable of planning your future.
53766 You are confused; but this is your normal state.
53768 You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
53771 fighting men of the department of transportation.
53773 You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
53775 You are fairminded, just and loving.
53777 You are false data.
53780 an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
53782 You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
53784 You are going to have a new love affair.
53786 You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
53788 You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
53790 You are in the hall of the mountain king.
53792 You are lost in the Swamps of Despair.
53794 You are loved by the multitudes.
53797 You are magnetic in your bearing.
53800 power to make it true.  You may have to work for it, however.
53801 		-- R. Bach, "Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for
53805 something foolish -- only if the folly of it escapes you.
53807 You are not dead yet.
53808 But watch for further reports.
53811 forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.  You are
53812 avenged fourteen hundred and forty times a day.
53815 You are now in Atlanta, Georgia.
53816 Please set your clocks back 200 years.
53828 	Why, I do it again and again."
53848 	Has lasted the rest of my life."
53856 	Said his father.  "Don't give yourself airs!
53860 You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
53862 You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
53863 Therefore you have few friends.
53865 You are sick, twisted and perverted.
53866 I like that in a person.
53868 You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
53870 "You are *so* lovely."
53871 "Yes."
53872 "Yes!  And you take a compliment, too!  I like that in a goddess."
53874 You are standing on my toes.
53876 You are taking yourself far too seriously.
53890 transport you to the corner of Westwood and Broxton.  Oh dear, you seem
53891 to have gotten yourself killed, as well.
53893 You scored 0 out of 250 possible points.
53894 That gives you a ranking of junior beginning adventurer.
53895 To achieve the next higher rating, you need to score 32 more points.
53898 but you spend too much time reading this sort of trash.
53901 She won't give an inch, but she won't say no.
53905 because of your extreme stupidity.
53907 You auto buy now.
53910 "Sure.  Whaddya got?"
53915 You buy a judge by weight, like iron in a junk yard.  A justice of the
53916 peace or a magistrate can be had for a five-dollar bill.  In the
53917 municipal courts, he will cost you ten.  In the circuit or superior
53918 courts, he wants fifteen.  The state appellate courts or the state
53919 supreme court is on a par with the Federal courts.  By the time a judge
53921 between the ears.  He's heavy.  You can't buy a Federal judge for less
53922 than a twenty-dollar bill.
53925 You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.
53928 You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
53930 You can always tell the people that are forging the new frontier.
53931 They're the ones with arrows sticking out of their backs.
53933 You can be replaced by this computer.
53935 You can bear anything if it isn't your own fault.
53939 doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
53943 doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on.
53946 You can bring men from other parts of the world who are sane.  And you
53947 know what happens?  At the very moment they cross those mountains...
53948 they go mad.  Instantaneously and automatically, at the very moment
53949 they cross the mountains into California, they go insane.
53952 You can build a throne out of bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.
53958 	finds boy eyeing bikini on bathing girl.
53962 You can create your own opportunities this week.
53963 Blackmail a senior executive.
53965 You can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.
53968 You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
53970 		-- D. Taylor, Computer Science 350
53972 You can do this in a number of ways.  IBM chose to do all of them.
53974 		-- D. Taylor, CS, University of Washington
53977 land or anything to do with dirt is concerned.
53979 You can drive a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
53982 and the budget is big enough.
53983 		-- Joseph E. Levine
53986 of the people some of the time, but you can never fool your Mom.
53990 but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
53993 and some of the people all of the time, and that is sufficient.
53995 You can get *anywhere* in ten minutes if you drive fast enough.
53998 if you will help enough other people get what they want.
54001 gun than you can with a kind word alone.
54003 		[Also attributed to Johnny Carson.  Ed.]
54007 You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
54010 You can grovel with your boss, and it never has to end.
54013 		Grovel, grovel, grovel, in your own peculiar way.
54016 You can grovel in an alley with a mugger after dark.
54020 You can grovel with your Apple, even though you say you can't.
54023 You can have a dog as a friend.  You can have whiskey as a friend.  But
54025 your dog.
54028 You can have peace.  Or you can have freedom.
54029 Don't ever count on having both at once.
54032 You can imagine my embarrassment when I killed the wrong guy.
54036 get him to float on his back, you've got something.
54038 You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have,
54039 for instance.
54040 		-- Franklin P. Jones
54042 You can make it illegal, but can't make it unpopular.
54044 You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
54047 his attitude on the continuing vitality of FORTRAN.
54050 but you have to think of it first.
54052 You can never do just one thing.
54055 You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
54057 You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
54059 You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
54062 You can not get anything worthwhile done without raising a sweat.
54065 What ever you want is going to cost a little more than it is worth.
54068 You can not win the game, and you are not allowed to stop playing.
54072 specifications than at any other time in history.
54075 You can observe a lot just by watching.
54078 You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
54082 over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart.
54083 		-- F. Allen
54086 when Fortran is the language of supercomputers.
54089 You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.
54092 You can write a small letter to Grandma in the filename.
54098 You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
54100 You cannot choose your battlefield, the gods do that for you.
54101 But you can plant a standard where a standard never flew.
54104 You cannot have a science without measurement.
54105 		-- R. W. Hamming
54107 You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
54109 You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
54111 You cannot see the wood for the trees.
54114 You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
54117 You cannot use your friends and have them too.
54119 You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
54121 You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
54124 a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump.
54125 		-- W.C. Fields
54127 You can't cheat the phone company.
54129 You can't cross a large chasm in two small jumps.
54131 You can't depend on the man who made the mess to clean it up.
54134 You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up.
54137 You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.
54138 		-- H.H. Munro
54143 children to put them in day care twelve hours a day, either.
54146 You can't fall off the floor.
54148 You can't get there from here.
54150 You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
54152 You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
54155 You can't have your cake and let your neighbor eat it too.
54158 You can't hug a child with nuclear arms.
54160 You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
54163 only sooner than she thought you would.
54166 is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency.
54167 		-- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"
54169 You can't mend a wristwatch while falling from an airplane.
54171 You can't play your friends like marks, kid.
54174 You can't push on a string.
54177 But there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start.
54180 You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you a
54181 new way.
54184 You can't start worrying about what's going to happen.
54185 You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now.
54188 You can't take damsel here now.
54191 especially when crossing a state line.
54194 either they have it, or they don't.
54197 You can't underestimate the power of fear.
54201 there, discover that all roads lead down.
54205 didn't need the first and last month in advance.
54208 had a better mind and a better body.
54211 staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt.
54214 You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
54216 You dialed 5483.
54218 You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
54220 You do not have mail.
54222 You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
54225 if you're not planning on coming back down.
54228 You don't have to explain something you never said.
54232 works, just how to work the computer.
54234 You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers.
54235 		-- J.D. Salinger
54237 You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina.
54241 reason to eat with knitting needles.
54244 You enjoy the company of other people.
54247 now than you did when you used to.
54249 You fill a much-needed gap.
54251 You first parent of the human race... who ruined yourself for an apple,
54255 You first parents of the human race... who ruined yourself for
54259 You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
54261 You get what you pay for.
54265 from your own life.  May it all turn out to your happiness.
54271 	a few drinks later you're not so choosy.
54277 	and your loneliness.
54281 where you're going, because you might not get there.
54285 And you know it don't come easy ...
54287 And you know it don't come easy ...
54289 You guys have been practicing discrimination for years.
54290 Now it's our turn.
54295 You had mail.
54296 Paul read it, so ask him what it said.
54299 but your parents moved away, and you had to leave it behind.
54301 You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
54303 You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
54305 You have a massage (from the Swedish prime minister).
54307 You have a message from the operator.
54309 You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
54310 A pity that it's totally undeserved.
54312 You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
54314 You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
54317 and your family interests come first.
54319 You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
54321 You have a truly strong individuality.
54324 by all with whom you come in contact.
54326 You have all eternity to be cautious in when you're dead.
54330 a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
54333 You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
54335 You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
54337 You have an unusual equipment for success.
54338 Be sure to use it properly.
54341 the problems of human relationships.
54343 You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive.
54346 You have been selected for a secret mission.
54348 You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
54350 You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
54352 You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
54354 You have mail.
54356 You have many friends and very few living enemies.
54358 You have no real enemies.
54360 You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
54364 and few words in your sleep to get divorced.
54366 You have taken yourself too seriously.
54368 You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.
54369 You'll learn a lot today.
54371 You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
54373 You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are.
54374 If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.
54377 You humans are all alike.
54379 You just know when a relationship is about to end.  My girlfriend called me
54380 at work and asked me how you change a lightbulb in the bathroom.  "It's very
54381 simple," I said. "You start by filling up the bathtub with water..."
54389 You knew the job was dangerous when you took it, Fred.
54394 and he says "roff! roff!", well, I'll just have to...
54396 You know how to win a victory, Hannibal, but not how to use it.
54400 start to get dressed and your shoes are still warm.
54403 You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday.
54409 You play too long, you lose your life.
54411 Goodtime Charlie's got the blues.
54414 are now extinct.
54415 		-- M. Somerset Maugham
54419 like that all the time.
54423 the Titanic is that the Titanic had paying customers.
54426 on whether [the press] fear you.  It is just as simple as that.
54430 and I had my hands about it.
54434 is revenge.
54439 him having an extramarital affair.  By the time someone says "I'd like you to
54444 highly trained certified public accountants.
54447 You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit.
54448 		-- E.A. Gilliam
54450 You know your apartment is small...
54451 	when you can't know its position and velocity at the same time.
54452 	you put your key in the lock and it breaks the window.
54453 	you have to go outside to change your mind.
54454 	you can vacuum the entire place using a single electrical outlet.
54458 mother is allowed to take.
54460 You know you're in a small town when...
54461 	You don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.
54463 		merchants because you're the first baby of the year.
54464 	Everyone knows whose credit is good, and whose wife isn't.
54465 	You speak to each dog you pass, by name... and he wags his tail.
54466 	You dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.
54467 	You write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.
54469 You know you're in trouble when...
54470 1)	You wake up face down on the pavement.
54471 2)	Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
54473 		out of the city.
54474 4)	Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
54476 		remember that you don't have a waterbed.
54477 6)	Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate.
54479 You know you're in trouble when...
54481 		follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
54483 		and there aren't any.
54484 3)	Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
54485 4)	The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
54486 5)	You wake up and your braces are locked together.
54487 6)	Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
54489 You know you're in trouble when...
54491 		her own business.
54492 (2)	You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
54493 (3)	You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
54494 (4)	You see a `60 Minutes' news team waiting in your office.
54495 (5)	Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
54497 		flush a grapefruit down the toilet.
54498 (7)	You realize that you've memorized the back of the cereal box.
54500 You know you're in trouble when...
54502 		skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
54503 (2)	Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
54504 (3)	Your income tax check bounces.
54505 (4)	You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
54506 (5)	Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
54507 (6)	You wake up to the soothing sound of flowing water... the day
54508 		after you bought a waterbed.
54511 		for your spouse.
54516 chocolate cupcake that's stuck behind the disgusting vanilla one.
54518 You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
54521 because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE "SOMEONE ELSE".
54523 You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
54526 Laura, I'm disappointed in you.
54529 You look tired.
54531 You love peace.
54533 You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
54535 You may already be a loser.
54536 		-- Form letter received by Rodney Dangerfield.
54539 doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
54542 but you're infinitely larger than others.
54544 You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
54551 That a young man married is a young man marred.
54554 You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
54557 to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
54561 But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
54565 you sure as hell can tell how much it's going to cost.
54568 be sold.
54575 an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
54578 You might have mail.
54580 You must dine in our cafeteria.
54584 and services if it is not specifically exempt.  Report property (goods)
54585 and services at their fair market values.  Examples include income from
54587 paid in services, illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.),
54589 gambling, prizes and awards.  Not reporting such income can lead to
54590 prosecution for perjury and fraud.
54594 to his own concept of the obligations of manhood.  All other loyalties
54595 are merely deputies of that one.
54598 You must realize that the computer has it in for you.  The irrefutable
54599 proof of this is that the computer always does what you tell it to do.
54601 You need more time; and you probably always will.
54603 You need no longer worry about the future.
54604 This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
54606 You need not worry about your future.
54608 You never gain something but that you lose something.
54611 You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
54613 You never go anywhere without your soul.
54616 got up in the middle of the night to write.
54620 tell you exactly what they want.  They spend months and months researching
54622 advertisements.  Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for,
54623 even if you disapprove of their choices.  If your child thinks he wants
54625 get it.  You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's
54628 right gift.
54631 You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
54633 You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
54636 You never learned anything by doing it right.
54639 have until you rent a house at the beach.
54642 got in line to admit it, too.  But you also notice they all said they
54643 "experimented" with marijuana.  The didn't "use" it; they "experimented"
54644 with it.  Let me tell you something -- Jonas Salk "experiments"; these
54648 You now have Asian Flu.
54650 You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
54653 attempt because of your extreme caution.
54655 You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
54658 sex, but are well liked by your own.
54661 think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
54664 You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
54666 You roll my log, and I will roll yours.
54670 And I say potato.
54672 And I say tomato.
54674 Tomatoe, tomato.
54675 Let's go be the Vice President...
54677 You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
54680 attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose.  A fool
54683 alot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
54685 brain-attic.  He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
54687 order.  It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
54688 can distend to any extent.  Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
54689 addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before.  It is of
54691 the useful ones.
54697 		[No, it wasn't J.F. Kennedy.  Ed.]
54699 You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat.  You pull
54700 his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles.  Do you
54702 signals here, they receive them there.  The only difference is that
54703 there is no cat.
54707 and you like the role of the provider.
54709 You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
54711 You shall judge of a man by his foes as well as by his friends.
54714 You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
54716 You should go home.
54719 incest and folk-dancing.
54720 		-- A. Bax, "Farewell My Youth"
54723 odds of more than about ten to the twelfth to one.
54724 		-- E. Rutherford
54731 when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.
54734 You shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh.
54737 You shouldn't wallow in self-pity.  But it's OK to put
54738 your feet in it and swish them around a little.
54741 You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
54743 You teach best what you most need to learn.
54747 Mr. Smith of Muddle, Mass. says:  "Before I took this course I used to be
54748 a lowly bit twiddler.  Now with what I learned at MIT Tech I feel really
54749 important and can obfuscate and confuse with the best."
54751 Mr. Watkins had this to say:  "Ten short days ago all I could look forward
54752 to was a dead-end job as a engineer.  Now I have a promising future and
54753 make really big Zorkmids."
54756 you earn your MDL degree from MIT Tech your future will be brighter.
54760 You tread upon my patience.
54764 your love could drag on for years and years.
54767 Because my mouth knows more than my brain.
54768 	-- W.G.
54770 You will always find something in the last place you look.
54772 You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
54774 You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
54776 You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
54778 You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
54781 without any special effort on your part.
54784 whom you thought to be unimportant.
54786 You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
54788 You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
54790 You will be awarded some great honor.
54792 You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
54794 You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
54796 You will be dead within a year.
54798 You will be divorced within a year.
54800 You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
54802 You will be held hostage by a radical group.
54805 your time and skill to a worthy cause.
54808 your time and skill to a bank robbery.
54810 You will be married within a year.
54812 You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
54814 You will be misunderstood by everyone.
54816 You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
54818 You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
54820 You will be run over by a beer truck.
54822 You will be run over by a bus.
54824 You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
54826 You will be successful in love.
54828 You will be surprised by a loud noise.
54830 You will be surrounded by luxury.
54832 You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
54834 You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
54836 You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
54838 You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
54840 You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
54842 You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
54844 You will contract a rare disease.
54846 You will engage in a profitable business activity.
54848 You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
54850 You will feel hungry again in another hour.
54854 Because I am a rigid Vegetarian.
54855 		-- G.K. Chesterton
54857 You will forget that you ever knew me.
54859 You will gain money by a fattening action.
54861 You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
54863 You will gain money by an illegal action.
54865 You will gain money by an immoral action.
54867 You will get what you deserve.
54869 You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
54871 You will have a head crash on your private pack.
54873 You will have a long and boring life.
54875 You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
54877 You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
54879 You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
54881 You will have long and healthy life.
54883 You will have many recoverable tape errors.
54885 You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
54887 You will inherit millions of dollars.
54889 You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
54891 You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
54893 You will live to see your grandchildren.
54895 You will lose an important disk file.
54897 You will lose an important tape file.
54899 You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
54901 You will never amount to much.
54904 You will never know hunger.
54906 You will not be elected to public office this year.
54908 You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
54910 You will outgrow your usefulness.
54912 You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
54914 You will pass away very quickly.
54916 You will pay for your sins.
54917 If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
54919 You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
54921 You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
54923 You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
54925 You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
54927 You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
54931 had sunk into the butter upon a hot day.
54934 You will soon forget this.
54936 You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
54938 You will step on the night soil of many countries.
54941 but only because your brakes are defective.
54943 You will triumph over your enemy.
54945 You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
54947 You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
54949 You will wish you hadn't.
54951 You won't skid if you stay in a rut.
54954 You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
54956 You worry too much about your job.
54957 Stop it.  You are not paid enough to worry.
54959 "You would do well not to imagine profundity," he said.  "Anything that seems
54960 of momentous occasion should be dwelt upon as though it were of slight note.
54961 Conversely, trivialities must be attended to with the greatest of care.
54964 momentous than the effect, dwell always upon the method.  You will strengthen
54965 yourself in this way."
54968 You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
54971 be gettin' no work done at 5 a.m. anyway.
54974 You'd better smile when they watch you, smile like you're in control.
54977 You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
54982 All to do, with her.
54986 ability in handling groups of people.
54988 You'll be sorry...
54990 You'll feel devilish tonight.
54991 Toss dynamite caps under a flamenco dancer's heel.
54993 You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
54998 books, but fortunately, they're not all recommended.
55001 hard things when they were easier to do.
55004 counsel; and fitter for new projects than for settled business.  For the
55006 them; but in new things, abuseth them.  The errors of young men are the ruin
55008 have been done, or sooner.  Young men, in the conduct and management of
55014 nor turn.  Men of age object too much, consult too long, adventure too little,
55016 content themselves with a mediocrity of success.  Certainly, it is good to
55017 compound employments of both ... because the virtues of either age may correct
55018 the defects of both.
55022 old men hearkened when he was young.
55026 but old men know young men are fools.
55029 Your aim is high and to the right.
55031 Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
55033 Your analyst has you mixed up with another patient.
55034 Don't believe a thing he tells you.
55037 you failed to get weren't really worth having.
55039 Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
55041 Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
55043 Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
55045 Your business will assume vast proportions.
55047 Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
55051 Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please reauthorize.
55053 Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please see Big Brother.
55056 		...Here's How You Can Tell
55058 can spot these visitors by looking for certain tip-offs, say experts. They
55060     #3. Bizarre sense of humor.  Space aliens who don't understand
55062 	jokes that no one understands, said Steiger.
55063     #6. Misuses everyday items.  "A space alien may use correction
55064 	fluid to paint its nails," said Steiger.
55065     #8. Secretive about personal life-style and home.  "An alien won't
55066 	discuss details or talk about what it does at night or on weekends."
55067    #10. Displays a change of mood or physical reaction when near certain
55068 	high-tech hardware.  "An alien may experience a mood change when
55069 	a microwave oven is turned on," said Steiger.
55071 all of these traits before you can positively identify him as a space alien.
55072 		-- National Enquirer, Michael Cassels, August, 1984.
55074 	[I thought everybody laughed at company training films.  Ed.]
55076 Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
55082 Dark Hole by Mister Sphincter.  We Americans live in a nation where the
55085 seconds if we felt like it.
55088 Your domestic life may be harmonious.
55090 Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
55094 Your files are now being encrypted and thrown into the bit bucket.
55097 Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
55102 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
55104 type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party.  Just take beer!
55106 California Halloween is redundant anyhow.
55108 PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)
55109 	Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall.  You find others are
55111 bank account.  Just make sure you realize it's far more impressive when
55112 other discover your good qualities without your help.
55118 	Matters are not good, where your health is concerned.  This Fall, be
55120 and you will live all the days of your life.
55125 brewskis.  Don't fret too much, Taurus.  To get back on your feet simply
55126 miss two car payments.
55130 common with yourself.  You both prefer ales, you've both tried your hand
55131 at homebrewing, and you both want to visit every new brewpub that opens.
55133 you meet in court.
55141 in your beer.  Being healthy is admirable but don't you think you're going
55147 in stock.  Whoever said money couldn't buy happiness didn't know where to
55148 shop.
55152 affecting your job production the next morning.  You feel a nine to five job
55154 career change.  Just remember, people who work sitting down get paid more
55155 than people who work standing up.
55158 meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.
55161 Your goose is cooked.
55164 Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
55166 Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
55168 Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
55170 Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
55172 Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
55174 Your love life will be... interesting.
55176 Your lover will never wish to leave you.
55178 Your lucky color has faded.
55180 Your lucky number has been disconnected.
55182 Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.
55183 Watch for it everywhere.
55186 original and the part that is original is not good.
55191 ... and then, twenty minutes later, says,
55196 taught; your heart, what is true.
55199 the better because of good news soon.
55202 the better because of new developments.
55204 Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
55206 Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
55217 may have in mind will be misinterpreted by somebody.
55219 Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
55222 while still leading a pleasant life.
55224 Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.  Being
55226 mark of a fake messiah.  The simplest questions are the most profound.
55229 change.
55232 Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
55234 Your password is pitifully obvious.
55236 Your picture of the world often changes just before you get it into focus.
55238 Your present plans will be successful.
55240 Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
55242 Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
55244 Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine.  You
55246 picture star.  If your child simply grows up to be someone who does not use
55248 success.
55251 Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
55253 Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
55255 Your step will soil many countries.
55257 Your supervisor is thinking about you.
55259 Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
55262 be relieved in a surprising manner.
55264 Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
55266 Your wig steers the gig.
55270 To be thick as a brick.
55276 machines for making more machines.
55279 You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
55281 You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.
55284 Ah, yes.  I remember my first beer.
55287 When your IQ rises to 28, sell.
55290 You're all clear now, kid.
55291 Now blow this thing so we can all go home.
55294 You're almost as happy as you think you are.
55299 the one that makes 'em act different.
55302 You're at the end of the road again.
55304 You're at Witt's End.
55306 You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
55308 You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
55310 You're definitely on their list.
55311 The question to ask next is what list it is.
55313 You're either part of the solution or part of the problem.
55317 but there are others that you're growing into.
55319 "You're just the sort of person I imagined marrying, when I was little...
55320 except, y'know, not green... and without all the patches of fungus."
55323 You're never too old to become younger.
55326 You're not Dave.  Who are you?
55328 You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
55332 only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
55334 You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
55338 You're working under a slight handicap.
55339 You happen to be human.
55342 Just to Sail Away.
55348 'Till silence is but a blur.
55349 		-- QYX.
55351 Youth.  It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
55353 Youth -- not a time of life but a state of mind... a predominance of
55354 courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease.
55355 		-- Robert F. Kennedy
55357 Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
55359 Youth is a blunder, manhood a struggle, old age a regret.
55362 Youth is a disease from which we all recover.
55365 Youth is such a wonderful thing.  What a crime to waste it on children.
55368 Youth is the trustee of posterity.
55371 when you learn that everything is the fault of the younger generation.
55373 You've always made the mistake of being yourself.
55378 You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
55384 You've got to pity New Mexico... so far from heaven and so close to Texas.
55409 	Something that is occasionally up but normally down.
55410 	(see also Computer).
55414 	   will be wrong.
55416 	   door you're on.
55419 	Quality seen in new graduates -- if you're quick.
55422 	The result of shutting down a production line.
55427 Zeus gave Leda the bird.
55430 	If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
55433 since I first called my brother's father dad.
55437 	People are always available for work in the past tense.
55439 Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.
55442 The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.
55446 so few engage in it.
55451 be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
55454 A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
55458 keep a man who is not worth more than the minimum wage.
55461 If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right.
55465 can invent a pleasure.  I don't want to be at the mercy of my
55466 emotions.  I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.